


The Garden

by Greysgate



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Danny Whump, Family Feels, Gay For You, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 14:07:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 186,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15002486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greysgate/pseuds/Greysgate
Summary: After an alien attack leaves Daniel permanently disabled, Jack realizes just how much he cares for his friend. He retires from the military to take care of Daniel while he recovers, and then begins a campaign of silent messages to try to tell Daniel how he feels.





	1. Breaking the Code

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to my beautiful alpha/beta, Jude. We had SO much fun working this story out together!  
> This series was an award winner, back in the day.
> 
> This was inspired by a fic from the original "Beauty & the Beast" fandom by Beedrill called (appropriately enough), "The Language of Flowers." It has been lost in the internet and I *wish* I had a copy of it, because it was achingly beautiful.

**15 May**

Jack O’Neill opened unwilling eyes, forcing himself to full wakefulness. The scent of antiseptic was strong, and he knew instantly where he was. Details of SG-1’s last mission came rushing to the fore, along with raw pain that made him gasp.  

Carefully, he tried to roll onto his back so he could look down and take stock of himself, to see if any parts of him were missing. Blinding pain in his side stopped that movement, and he sucked in a breath between clenched teeth. 

“Just lie still, Colonel O’Neill,” came a feminine voice from somewhere behind him. He knew that voice from his many visits to the base infirmary. “You took an arrow in the side, but we’ve got you all fixed up. Need some pain medication?” Nurse Chambers floated into view as she came around to the front of the bed, smiling down at him. 

“Where’s Daniel?” he asked, his voice a deep croak. Looking at the next bed across from his, he could see the mammoth shape beneath the covers that had to be Teal’c. “How’s my team?” 

Chambers glanced behind him. “Major Carter and Teal’c are fine. The Major’s just behind you in the next bed, sleeping. Teal’c is resting comfortably, too.” She smiled reassuringly at him.  

“Injuries?” 

The nurse’s expression became a professional mask as she fiddled with his IV. “Major Carter sustained an arrow to the thigh. Teal’c took one in the buttock. You were hit in the side, which is why you’re lying in this position, and I’d advise you not to try to turn over just yet. Want that pain medication now?” 

“Daniel?” 

The older woman gave him a patient, compassionate smile. When she spoke again, her voice was soft, deeper with emotion.

All of the nursing staff had a special place in their hearts for the SGC’s chief archaeologist. He was one of their most favorite – and most frequent – patients. “He’s still in surgery, sir. I’m afraid I can’t tell you more than that.” 

She leaned over him and patted his forearm, then pressed the back of her hand against his forehead to check for fever. 

Jack’s eyes closed. He remembered how badly the mission had deteriorated, and how quickly.  The natives who had attacked them for defiling their temple had gone after the archaeologist first. Their weapons had been bows and arrows with particularly deadly tips made entirely of trinium.  He remembered how the first one had taken Daniel down at the knee; the second had gone into his upper chest.  They’d gotten him to the ‘gate alive, but just barely, and all of them had been wounded. That was one more planet to lock out of the dialing computer.

If Daniel hadn't been able to forge an alliance with them, no one could. 

Swallowing a lump forming in his throat, Jack closed his eyes. “Yeah. I’ll take that morphine now, Chambers. Thanks.” 

He was very familiar with the use of a morphine pump, having used one many times in the past, but the nurse instructed him in its use anyway, as she was required to do.  She pushed the plunger on the delivery device to give him the first dose and then clipped the control to his bed sheet near his hand so he could take charge of his own pain management. The medication made him instantly drowsy, and he started to drift off to sleep.  

Before he slipped under the influence of the drug, however, he called to the nurse.  “Wake me when Daniel comes out of surgery,” he ordered softly. “I have to know, as soon as there’s any news.” 

Chambers nodded and gave him a sad smile. “Yes, sir, Colonel. I promise.” She hesitated. “Let me know if that’s not taking care of your pain, and I’ll get Dr. Warner.” 

“Warner? Where’s Fraiser?” 

The nurse shifted a little from foot to foot, obviously ill at ease. “Um… She went to the Academy Hospital with Doctor Jackson. She scrubbed in on the surgery.” 

Closing his eyes, Jack struggled not to panic. “Thanks,” he ground out, his voice husky with emotion.  

He heard her walk away and opened his eyes again, a cold fist of fear closing around his heart. 

They hadn’t taken care of Daniel’s injuries on the base.  They’d taken him to the Academy Hospital in the city, so it had to be bad. Really, really bad. 

Jack felt his stomach lurch even as the morphine’s powerful effects pulled him under.  He felt himself floating in darkness, away from the pain and anxiety.  

It seemed only a moment later that someone was shaking his foot and calling his name. He struggled to rouse himself, to push past the effect of the drug and open his eyes. 

“Hey, Colonel,” Doctor Fraiser greeted him warmly.  She looked tired, but she was smiling.  “Sorry to wake you up, but I knew you’d want to know right away that Daniel came through the surgery just fine.  He’ll be in the ICU at the Academy Hospital for a day or two.  When he’s stabilized, they’ll transfer him back here to recover.” 

That announcement was a huge load off Jack's heart. He tried to smile a little. “Okay, Doc, glad to hear he’s gonna be all right.  Listen, when he comes back, you ride with ‘im, keep him company.  Can you do that?” he asked hoarsely.  

 “Sure, I can do that.  I would have anyway.  Now you go back to sleep and rest.”  Janet patted his arm.  “And try not to worry, he’s going to be okay.” 

He nodded at her and closed his eyes.  He felt himself relaxing a little, but part of him remained on edge, alert and expectant, waiting for more news.  

For twelve hours he slept fitfully, refusing to use the morphine pump, allowing himself only brief naps, eager for Dr. Fraiser’s frequent reports on Daniel’s condition.

  

* * *

 

**16 May**

**The Next Day**

Fraiser missed early rounds, so Jack spent his time bothering the nursing staff for word.   

Finally, near mid-morning, the petite doctor and a large male nurse wheeled a stainless-steel framed hospital bed into the room, easing it into a space right next to Jack’s, made for it moments earlier by Nurse Chambers. 

Aiming his bleary eyes at the bed, Jack studied the profile of the sleeping man in it. Daniel was very pale, and there were bluish smudges beneath his closed eyes.  

“He doesn’t look so good, Doc,” Jack managed to say. “Is he awake?” 

“He’s pretty heavily sedated at the moment. He’s been conscious, but he’s just sleeping now. He’ll be fine, Colonel.  Try not to worry.”  

Janet bent over Daniel’s bed, stroking a hand fondly over his brow. She sighed. “It wasn’t as bad as we first thought. The arrow he took in the chest missed puncturing the pleural cavity, which is a good thing, but it did break a rib from the impact.  We repaired most of the damage and fixed him up as well as we could for now, but he’s going to need another operation on his leg later on.”  

She walked down beside the bed, where Daniel’s leg lay wrapped and immobilized in a contraption that looked like metal scaffolding.  “We’re going to have to replace his knee with an artificial one, but even then, he’s not likely to be a hundred percent, sir.”  

She turned sad eyes to meet Jack’s. “I’m afraid he won’t be going back into the field for first contact missions, Colonel. I’m recommending to General Hammond that he ride a desk from here on out.” 

Stunned for a moment, Jack’s mind worked desperately to take that in and process it. Daniel would no longer be part of SG-1? How was that _possible?_ Jack _needed_ him on the team. He’d already tried to do the job without him, during the year of Daniel’s ascension. 

As he thought about their future, gradually other things began to register, things much more important than the job. 

 _Artificial knee. Not a hundred percent._  

“Will he walk again?” asked Jack cautiously, staring at the contraption around Daniel’s leg. It looked like some kind of medieval torture device instead of modern medical equipment. 

Frasier smiled reassuringly and nodded. “In time, yes, but it’s going to take a lot of hard work in physical therapy to get there. He’ll probably need to use a cane to help bear the weight, probably for the rest of his life.”  

She looked at the scaffolding and touched it lightly, drawing Jack’s gaze there.  “This external fixator is just to keep his leg from moving until we can do the knee replacement.  We have to make time in the orthopedic surgeon’s schedule at the Academy Hospital, so it’ll be a few days.  Next week at most.” 

Jack shut his eyes quickly, willing away the images of Daniel with a cane. 

There had to be another way around that specter looming in the distance.  They’d have to help him with that.  Daniel would need his friends – his _family_ – to find the strength to push past the limitations medical science had set for him.  Jack was sure that Daniel would show them what a difference fierce determination would make in his healing process. 

“He’s alive, sir,” Fraiser assured him quietly. “He’s strong and tough. He’ll adapt. I don’t think this will slow him down for more than a minute.” 

“He wants to see what’s out there, doc,” Jack murmured sadly. “He wants to know everything, meet the people, touch all the carvings and see ‘em with his own eyes.  If he can’t do that…” 

“He will. Just not until the off-world dangers have been sorted out. No more first contact. I’m sorry.” With a last glance at Daniel, she left the room, running a weary hand through her auburn hair. 

Jack again turned his eyes toward the man in the next bed.  

Daniel moved slightly, and licked his lips. He winced and whimpered a little. “Chak…” he slurred. 

Recognizing that mutilation of his name, Jack answered. “Right here, Daniel. You just rest, buddy. I’m right here with you.”  

He called for Nurse Chambers, pointing at the next bed. “He’s thirsty,” Jack told her. “Can you bring him some ice chips?” 

“He’s not even awake yet, sir,” said the nurse.  “He may not wake up for several hours.” 

“He’s thirsty,” Jack insisted.  

She patted his hand. “When he’s awake, we’ll ask him about that, I promise.” 

“Well, then, bring _me_ some damn ice chips!” he ordered.  

She shot him a knowing grin and went away to do the grumpy Colonel’s bidding.  

Jack continued to watch Daniel, alert to the smallest movements and slightest sounds.  

“Go, Jack,” Daniel whispered. “’S’okay.” His eyes didn’t open, but a tear seeped out from beneath closed lids, trickling across his temple. 

That was the same thing Daniel had said in the alien temple, just as he’d slipped into unconsciousness. Jack knew his teammate must be reliving those moments in his dreams. 

“I’m right here, Daniel,” Jack told him quietly. “No one gets left behind. _Especially_ not you.” He continued to talk softly, nonsensical stuff, just so Daniel would be able to hear the sound of his voice, to comfort Daniel, since Jack couldn’t touch him.  

Gradually, Daniel’s face relaxed, his breathing deepened, and he slept. 

Fraiser had said Daniel would be okay and Jack trusted in that assessment, shutting out the rest of her commentary for the moment.  He relaxed into his pillow, his eyes never leaving Daniel’s face, willing his friend to be okay. When he was satisfied that Daniel was settled for the moment, he pushed the plunger on his morphine pump and let the drug do something about his own pain. 

He closed his eyes and slept.  
 

* * *

 

 

A couple of hours later, Jack awoke to the soft footfalls of a nurse coming into the room. She adjusted the lighting and went to the first bed, checking vitals and making notes on the chart, then moving to the next patient.  Jack barely gave her a glance, his attention turning back to his teammate. 

Daniel’s eyes opened slowly. Jack felt himself grinning like a fool, relief washing over him and leaving him feeling boneless and daft. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” he said softly. “It’s about time you woke up.” 

“Jack?” Daniel’s head turned towards him slowly.  He squinted in the subdued infirmary light. 

“You were expecting Princess Charming, maybe?” Warmth blossomed in Jack’s chest. He was happy, genuinely happy for the first time in days. He tried to change position, wincing as he used injured muscles. “How’re you feeling?” 

“Not s’good.” Daniel’s eyes drifted closed and opened again slowly. “I hurt. A lot.” 

Jack motioned to the nurse. “Wanna get him some pain meds?” 

She smiled at him, giving Daniel a glance. “Now that Doctor Jackson’s awake, anesthesiology can get him set up with a morphine pump. I’ll let them know he’s awake and ready in just a minute.” She turned back to her duties. 

Jack frowned at her back and turned his attention to Daniel. 

He was trying to lift his head to look down at himself, squinting at his leg and the contraption around it. “What the hell is that thing?” he demanded. 

“It’s to keep your leg still,” Jack explained. “They’re not finished patching you up yet.” 

Daniel tried to lift his left arm and gasped. “Ow!” 

“You took one in the chest, too. Just be still, Daniel.” 

Ignoring his C.O., Daniel reached slowly onto the stand beside his bed with his right hand for the familiar sparkle of his glasses, and put them on. Then he lifted his head off the pillow and looked around the ward. 

“Hey, Daniel,” Sam greeted him, now sitting propped up in her bed on the other side of Jack’s. 

Teal’c twisted his body to look over his shoulder at Daniel, arching one eyebrow. He didn’t try to roll over and face his teammate, and turned away again after a moment. 

“We all made it out,” Daniel said slowly, looking around at them all. “Good.” 

“Of course.” Jack saw that the nurse was working on her last patient and willed her to leave the room at a dead run to get Daniel’s pain medication.

She calmly continued her rounds instead.

Jack turned his attention back to Daniel, hopeful he could help take his friend’s mind off his pain. “Carter’s took one in the thigh, and T got it in the ass.” 

Daniel choked back a laugh, sucking in a breath and grimacing as he clutched at his chest wound. “Shit, don’t make me laugh!” He relaxed a little and looked back at Jack.  “His ass?” 

Jack grinned. “Yeah. Took an arrow in his right cheek. He’ll never live _that_ one down, buddy.” 

Teal’c half turned and gave them a scathing glare. That look alone had made brave men wet themselves, but the rest of SG-1 was immune to it. He turned over again with a low, disapproving rumble echoing in his chest. 

Jack took that opportunity to catch the nurse’s eye and made shooing motions toward her. She grinned, took the hint and hurried away to get someone working on Daniel’s morphine pump. 

“She should be back in a minute. You want anything else?” He was aware how wide his smile was, how relief filled him up and overflowed. He felt deeply grateful that they had all come home again.

Daniel was alive, after yet another close call. He was awake. That was all that mattered.

Jack was absolutely giddy. 

Daniel coughed a little. “Thirsty.” 

Jack nodded. “I _told_ Chambers you were. Made her bring me ice chips.  I’ll get her to give you the cup as soon as she gets back. If Fraiser hadn’t threatened parts of me I’m kinda partial to, I’d get up and give you some myself.”

He sobered, more aware of Daniel’s pain than his own. “How’re you feeling?” he asked again.  “Okay?” 

“Alive.” 

Nurse Chambers reappeared with one of the anesthesiologists and the morphine pump, which they hooked up with practiced precision. Chambers clipped the plunger to the pillowcase, next to his head, placing it in Daniel’s hand with the usual spiel.

At Jack's request, she poured some ice chips from the pitcher into a cup and put it on the tray table, rolling it up close where he could reach it. 

He pressed the plunger and hung on, as if holding the device in his hand might make the medication work faster.

After a few seconds, his head lolled on the pillow. “That's better. I feel like a pincushion, though.” He frowned, his thick brows drawing together, eyes sliding closed under the influence of the morphine. “I think I remember being shot in the chest.” 

“And the knee,” Jack confirmed. “Those aliens _really_ didn’t like you.”  

“Jack.” 

“Yeah?” He didn’t move because it would hurt too much. 

“How about you? I can see you got hit, too.” 

“Yeah. But I’m fine.” 

He paused, unsure if this was the time or place to deliver his news.  He’d done a lot of thinking over the past few days and had made some decisions. 

Daniel ought to know, but not right then, when he was already having such a huge adjustment to make. 

“Just a flesh wound.  They got me in the bacon.  You know, in the back of my side… or the side of my back.  Whatever.  Nothing serious.  Just hurts like hell.”  

Daniel sighed. He looked down at his leg, suspended inside the metal scaffolding. “Janet told me about my knee. I wanted her to tell you. Thought you should know right away.” 

“I’m real sorry, Daniel.” He saw the defeated look on Daniel’s face, watched him close his eyes and turn away. “Don’t let this beat you, okay? We’ll get through it together. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.” 

Daniel’s eyes didn’t open. “I’m off the team, Jack. For good, this time. Sorry.” 

“Not _my_ team,” Jack returned fiercely. 

“Oh, Jack, get real,” said Daniel wearily, turning to look at Jack, eyes glassy with pain and the influence of the morphine. “You know what Janet says goes.”

Daniel’s dry mouth made clicking noises when he spoke.  He swallowed convulsively, trying to work up some spit to ease the dryness.

“Damn it, my mouth is dry,” he croaked.  He reached for the cup of ice and poured a little of the melt water into his mouth.

He waved his free hand at Jack impatiently. “I can’t argue with you about this right now.” He set the cup back on the tray and dropped his right hand wearily onto the bed. Daniel just looked at him, needing and silently asking for his understanding. 

Those blue eyes were filled with pain of many kinds, and Jack felt each one of them. He tried to say something, but the emotional constriction in his throat dammed up the words completely.

Daniel was right, as always.

 Jack couldn’t face that loss, couldn’t think of going through the ‘gate and leaving Daniel behind, stuck at a desk and worrying himself sick until he could see that Jack, Sam and Teal’c were back home, safe and sound.   

He knew Daniel would do that. He’d seen it up close and personal. Nobody cared about them like Daniel did, and nobody ever had or ever would care about Jack O'Neill with the depth that Daniel did.

Doctor Jackson was one of a kind. 

Daniel closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep beneath the powerful sway of the morphine, with Jack not far behind him.

 

* * *

 

 

Jack awoke in the quiet semi-darkness, his eyes automatically seeking out the clock on the wall of the ward. It was a little after 0300, and he alone was awake. He closed his eyes again and tried to sleep but couldn’t, then turned his head to check on Daniel.

His friend lay just as he had been, his glasses still on his face, eyes closed and moving beneath his lids, apparently dreaming. 

In the silence, Jack watched him for a long while, studying every plane and angle of his face, the long sweep of his eyelashes, the sheen of his mussed hair, rough stubble sprouting on his cheeks and chin, the full lips relaxed and still for a change. He saw the lines of pain in Daniel’s expression, still there even in sleep and beneath the effects of the morphine, and studied the fixator around Daniel’s leg.  

Jack felt an aching deep inside, not certain what would soothe it. He wanted so desperately to touch his friend, just to reassure himself that Daniel was all right. Jack imagined caressing his shoulder, his arm, just petting and stroking him.

Daniel needed that, he knew. He needed the reassurance of touch to comfort him, and rarely got it. The younger man had spent so much of his life alone and unloved.  

That was over now.

Jack felt a wave of determination rise up inside him. Daniel’s isolation and loneliness were going to be a thing of the past. Jack vowed to himself that he would always be there for his friend. “I’ll never leave you behind,” he whispered, his heart filling up at that thought.

He closed his eyes and let his imagination run free, picturing his hands on Daniel’s face, cupping his cheeks while Daniel smiled up at him. He felt whole, as if all were truly right in the universe.

Just because he was touching Daniel. 

Jack’s eyes opened. That idea startled him, shook him to his bones the more he thought about it.  _What did it mean?_

Every time he went back to that image, he could feel it, feel how powerful it was in his mind and heart. He stared at his friend’s face, relaxed in sleep, and recalled the flutter of excitement he’d felt when Daniel had opened his eyes in the infirmary. Any time Daniel had called his name, whether in the field, on the base or on a social outing. Any time Daniel had turned to look for him that feeling was there.

It lit Jack up inside, like a candle in a dark place. 

Jack felt as if he'd been sucker punched with the realization that his whole universe turned on the axis of Daniel Jackson. 

Without a sound, Jack felt his mind grind to a halt. Everything he knew and believed about himself was now uncertain, because of the strength of his feelings for another man. He was suddenly, breathtakingly, devastatingly altered, so shaken up that he had to wonder who Jack O'Neill was.

Daniel was his best friend, had been for years.

Why all of a sudden did Jack feel as if everything in his life revolved around Daniel? 

Jack started to tremble and he closed his eyes tightly, shutting the image of that face out of his mind.  Memories surfaced, scorching him with the force of the emotions behind them… 

_Hugging Daniel in the gate room when Jack thought he’d been killed on Apophis’ ship. Holding Daniel in a storage room moments after he had threatened Jack with his own pistol, lost in a sarcophagus high. Needing so desperately to touch Daniel when he came to Jack’s house during that damned NID sting operation, and having to play the part so well Daniel had been convinced that Jack didn’t care about him._

That was what had started the rift between them, Jack knew now. Part of him had recognized what that subliminal need had been about and had started pushing Daniel away. Then Daniel had ascended; he was gone, and there hadn’t been a chance to make things right between them.

Now that he was back, Jack had still been closed off, refusing to acknowledge what was so plainly happening in his soul. 

Now, in the dark quiet of that infirmary ward, he realized that he loved Daniel beyond reason, beyond his ability to put into words or make sense of in his own mind. 

For the first time, he admitted to himself that he was _in love_ with Daniel Jackson. 

“Jack?” 

He couldn’t open his eyes, certain that if he did, he’d shatter into a billion pieces. 

“Hey, are you okay?” asked Daniel quietly. 

Jack realized he’d been making noises, little mewling whimpers that could not possibly come from Colonel O’Neill without the world being stood on end.

Which was exactly what had just happened inside him. Only nobody else knew. Nobody else _could_ know… not even Daniel. _Especially_ not Daniel. 

He struggled to get control of his body and voice, aware of how wrecked it must sound. “Peachy, Daniel.” Opening his eyes, he hunted for the morphine plunger and gave himself a dose to try to cover his emotional upheaval. “Better now.” 

“D’you want me to call the nurse?” The worry in Daniel’s voice was clear. 

Jack risked a look through the rails.

Daniel was so beautiful it made Jack’s heart ache.

Why hadn’t he seen it before? Why did it look like Daniel’s heart was in his eyes?

A strong tremor ran down Jack's spine.

Was it possible that Daniel felt the same way about Jack? Could it even _be_ possible? 

“Don’t be scared,” Jack murmured, putting a hand on the rails, as if reaching out to touch his friend. “I’m fine. Just…”

He swallowed down his heart. “Just making some adjustments of my own. Everything’s gonna be okay. I promise.” 

Uncertainty shone in those blue eyes for a moment, then acceptance when Jack continued to look at him steadily.

Finally, relief settled in with trust, and Daniel closed his eyes again. In moments, he was asleep. 

Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The morphine pulled at him, but his mind was going a million miles an hour. 

What a cosmic joke this was, after an entire life lived looking at pretty women and lusting after them. 

Now pushing fifty, he’d found out that the only person who could truly rock his world was another man. 

Daniel had done that since day one, turned him upside down and shaken everything out of his soul. With one arch of those inquisitive eyebrows, the man had annoyed him quicker than anyone else on the planet, irritated him beyond the limits of sanity, and yet defended him staunchly at every turn and never given up on him. 

Daniel was fiercely devoted to his team, would die for them… _had_ died for Jack on Abydos, taking a staff blast meant for him.  

Jack knew that the two of them were about as opposite in nature as it was possible to get, yet beneath the surface they were defined by their passions, their loyalties, their friendship and their love of country and humanity. At their most basic, foundational level, they were cut from the same cloth. 

Jack lay on the bed, chuckling to himself at the cosmic irony. 

 _By God_ , he thought, _we were made for each other._

_But how the hell was he going to break the news to the man he now knew he loved?_

 

* * *

 

**17 May**

**Two Days Later**  

After Jack signed his discharge papers, he walked slowly out of the infirmary, his thoughts fixed firmly on the man in the bed down the hall.  

During the last couple of days, Jack had thought about little else except how this newfound knowledge would affect who he was.  He'd made a life-altering decision in the wake of that epiphany.

Simply put, everything was different now. He was an honest man and couldn’t in good conscience continue to serve in the military he loved so much if he were going to pursue a relationship with another man.

That was the most forbidden love of all, according to Uncle Sam, and the Colonel respected the regs.

Jack had come to the only conclusion with which he felt comfortable -- retirement from active duty.

Daniel was straight. Jack was sure of that, but he was also sure that Daniel was an open-minded sort, and if anybody could take Jack’s news and find a way to be okay with it, it would be Daniel.

It also was a distinct possibility that Daniel might be so uncomfortable with the announcement that he’d walk away from Jack and never look back, but Jack had to hold onto some hope that there was a possibility of acceptance, however remote.  

O’Neill had decided he should at least try, which meant that his career was now over. He couldn't disregard the training of a lifetime and the vows he'd taken as an officer in the US Air Force. He had decided to put Daniel, and any possibility of a relationship with him, first and foremost in his life.

For the first time in as long as he could remember, Jack had decided to do something just for himself, and God willing, for Daniel, too. 

It took a while to make it down the corridor to the elevator, then all the way to Hammond’s office.

Jack was stiff and sore, and the walk to see the General seemed twice as long as usual.  Once he arrived, he didn't wait for permission to enter.  He apologized as he came through the doorway and headed straight for the guest chair, one arm wrapped around himself.  He sat down carefully, jaws clenched, posture stiffly upright as he waited for the pain to pass. 

“How are you doing, Colonel?” There was concern in every line in the older man’s face. 

“Catching a breather,” Jack admitted. “Thinking about pain meds.”

He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a prescription bottle, setting it onto the desk in front of him. 

Hammond immediately went to the credenza and poured a glass of water, bringing it back to him.

The General sat down across from him. “Anything I can do for you, son? I assume you were coming to see me about something.” 

“Yes, sir.” Jack popped one of the pills into his mouth and swallowed it down with a sip of water. “Hate these things,” he groused, slipping the medicine bottle back into his trouser pocket. "Would you mind closing the doors, sir? I would, but I don't think I can get up right now, and I'd like to have a confidential chat."

Every little movement hurt him – standing up, sitting down, breathing, moving his right arm, turning his head. Hell, even thinking hurt, and that made him grumpy and irritable on top of everything else on his mind.   

Hammond rose and closed both doors, then returned to his chair behind the desk, waiting for his visitor to continue. 

“I've made a hard decision, sir. There's really no way to make it less of a shock, so I'm just gonna spit it out. I've thought about it a lot over the last few days in the infirmary, and I've decided to put in for retirement.” 

Surprise was evident in Hammond’s expression. “Are you sure this is the time for you to be making that decision, Colonel?” he inquired, narrowing his eyes. “You’ve been injured and need some time to recover. Doctor Fraiser has assured me that once you heal up properly, you should be functioning normally, ready to go back in the field.” 

With a heavy sigh, Jack shook his head. “Not this time, sir. My knees’ve been begging me to retire for years. My back isn’t getting any better, and this last mission was yet another reminder that it’s time I stepped down from the field. I’m getting old, and it’s time to let somebody younger have my chair at the table.” 

Hammond leaned back in his chair and fixed his assessing gaze on Jack’s face. “Are you sure, Jack? This isn’t too many close calls talking, is it? Maybe you just need an extended break from field duty.” 

Jack knew the man wasn’t calling him a coward. SG-1 had proven its mettle for more than seven years, taking on some of the most difficult missions in the history of the Command. “I’m sure, sir. Time for me to be put out to pasture.” 

“Then I’ll assign you to some other base duty—“ 

“No, sir.” Jack shook his head. “I’m done with the Air Force. I wish I could stay on and do something else here, but I can’t stay in the military. It’s…”

He paused, choosing his words carefully.  “I can’t. I’ve had an epiphany recently, and my sense of honor tells me it’s time to go. I need to get a life, and I'm hoping...”  

Jack looked away and thought of Daniel in that bed upstairs. Daniel would need him, at least for a little while.  His eyes found Hammond’s again.  “It’s personal, sir.  Maybe someday I can explain.  Just please take my word for it for now.  I can’t stay in the service. Wish there was something else I could do for you here, but I can't be military anymore.”  

He hesitated again, lowering his eyes to the desktop for a moment, then lifting them boldly back to his CO's. He sat up straight, ignoring the lance of pain in his side, and announced, "You can't ask, and I can't tell you why." 

Hammond sat silently, considering that unspoken confession. There seemed to be no surprise, no judgment, no trace of disgust. The General’s face was kind and warm. “All right. I think I understand. But what will you do?” 

Shrugging, Jack looked down at his hands in his lap. “I don’t know. Haven’t got a clue. I'm set for money, so I don't have to work if I don't want to, but I don't know. I’m too young to just do nothing.  I guess I’m not exactly thinking that far ahead yet.” 

“Well, Jack, this is a bit of a surprise, but I'll admit I knew the day would come eventually when you'd approach me about bowing out. I've often thought of you and how I'd run things if you chose to leave.  You have valuable experience that I depend on to run this place, so I'd like to make you an offer: you continue to work for Stargate Command, but as a civilian advisor. Strictly on the base, no going off world, unless special circumstances dictate the need for your expertise. It'll be a desk job, mostly, helping me with administrative tasks. Easy on the knees, no more Air Force regs to follow.” 

Startled at the idea, Jack looked up into those earnest gray-blue eyes. “And do what?” 

“This is a massive undertaking, Jack,” the General admitted, waving a hand to indicate the facility all around them. “I should be retiring myself, but I keep on because I know how important all this is. There’s far more in the way of administration than I can handle, and add the stress of losing good people… Sometimes it’s more than I can bear. A lot of what I do is administrative. Scheduling teams and briefings, sifting through mission reports, setting up budgets, choosing new recruits and organizing training for them. Having help with that sort of thing could take quite a load off my shoulders.” 

Jack grinned. “Aw, you just want to keep me around because you’d miss my jokes.” 

Hammond deadpanned, “That’s probably the last thing I’d miss.”

He couldn’t stifle the smile; it slipped out anyway. “You’re quite a character, Jack.  Of _course_ I’d miss you, but I was serious about that offer. There’s a great deal that a civilian assistant with your kind of experience could easily handle for me. I think you’d be good at it, if you could stand the boredom of not being where the action is all the time.” 

Glancing down at his knees, Jack shook his head. “I can live without the action, sir.” 

He sat quietly and considered his options for a moment or two. As a civilian, it wouldn’t matter if he were in love with another man. A few of the civilian academics on the SGC staff were openly gay, but they were also among the best in the world at what they did.

For this one program, the military had set aside its policy against homosexuality among its civilian staff because the need for what they could do was far greater than the fear of what they were.

That gave Jack small comfort, but some was better than none. It was an option, anyway; one he didn't have as a soldier.  And best of all, if Daniel took the news badly, having a job on the base might be a good way to still see him in passing.  

“You’ll have my resignation on your desk as soon as I can manage to get it typed up. Might take a day or two. As to the offer, how soon can you get the job description ready?  I’d like to get a good look at what’s on the table.”   

Reaching into a file drawer in the desk, the General pulled out a folder and handed it over. 

“You have a proposal already made up?  That's a surprise.” Jack took the folder and flipped the cover open. There was no date on the cover sheet. “How long have you been sitting on this?” 

“Since…” Hammond hesitated, meeting Jack’s eyes. “…Kelowna. I figured you’d retire immediately after that. You surprised me, son.  But then, SG-1 has always been good at that. I should be used to it by now.” 

“Thanks for being understanding about what I have to do now.  I’ll have an answer for you as soon as I can.”  

Jack tensed as he thought about getting up to leave, dreading the pain of having to move.

He relaxed slowly back into his chair.

“Would you mind if I just sat here for a while? I kinda… don’t think I can get up right now without embarrassing myself, and since I’m still a Colonel for the next few days, I'd like to keep what dignity I have left and avoid trashing my rep as a hardass.” 

Hammond smiled in sympathy.  “Hurts like a bitch, huh?  Should I send for a wheelchair?” 

Jack frowned. “That’d probably be a good idea. I’m gonna be staying in my lockdown quarters for a few days, till I can manage a little better on my own.” 

“I’ll drive you there myself,” George promised. He picked up the phone and ordered a wheelchair to be brought to his office.  

When it was delivered, Hammond helped Jack into it. With a groan of relief, he settled down with the proposal folder in his lap.  While the General pushed him along, Jack scanned the job requirements and responsibilities.  Occasionally, he asked Hammond to clarify certain points, but Jack could see that he’d be a good fit for what his boss had in mind. All of it was work he’d done before, and there was enough variety to keep him from falling asleep at a desk every day.  

Once in Jack’s private base quarters, Hammond helped him out of the chair and got him seated on the bed. 

The General stared at the thin, lumpy mattress with an expression of dismay. “Will you be all right here, Jack?”    

Closing the folder, Jack laid it on the nightstand. “Yes, sir. I think I’m just gonna rest a while now.” 

“I’m going to order one of the infirmary beds sent down here for you,” said Hammond warmly. “That standard issue mattress is barely adequate for a hale and hearty man. With your injury, it’s gonna to be just short of torture.” 

“Not when you’re on happy pills,” Jack reminded him, closing his eyes wearily, “but a good bed would be nice. Thanks.” 

Hammond nodded. He patted him on the shoulder.  “Get some rest, son. And remember, we need you here. Military or not, you’ve got far too much valuable experience for us to allow to go to waste.” 

Jack heard the door close and tried to relax, but the mattress just reminded him of the severity of his injury.

He lay thinking about the new job proposition, trying not to get too excited about it, but it was a godsend and he knew it.  

By the time the other bed arrived, and he’d moved over into it, Jack had made his decision. He would stay at SGC as a civilian advisor.  He’d still have a career that mattered. He’d still be helping in the war against the Goa’uld. 

And if he played his cards right, he might even get to have Daniel. 

That was worth everything he’d been through the last seven years, and then some. He was one lucky son of a gun, and knew it.  

He closed his eyes on the drab little room with a smile on his face and a prayer of thanks in his heart.  

 

* * *

 

  
 

**18 May**

**The Next Morning**

Handing the folder over to the General, Jack smiled. “My resignation’s on the top,” he said brightly. “And if the job offer’s still open, I’ll take it.” 

“Great. When do you want to start?” 

“Fraiser said I should be able to handle half days at a desk next week,” Jack reported, “but I’m gonna ask for an extended period between retirement and starting the new job. Daniel’s gonna have another operation on his knee in a few days, and he’ll need someone to look after him for at least a couple of weeks after he’s discharged. I think that should fall to me.” 

Pride and understanding showed in Hammond’s eyes. “You’re a good man, Colonel.” 

“Thanks, sir, but remember it’s just Jack now. I’m officially retired.” 

George rose and shook his hand. “It’s been a pleasure serving with you, Colonel O’Neill. I look forward to working with Jack, starting in a few weeks.” 

Jack sat down in the guest chair. “Thanks, sir. Um… I’m not sure how much help Daniel’s going to need during his recovery, so once I’ve got a handle on that, I’m planning on moving him to my house. After that second surgery, he’ll be hobbling around with a walker, needing lots of physical therapy, walking exercises and stuff. He’s gonna need me for a while, so if I’m here, and he calls—“ 

“We’ll manage.” George smiled. “You two take care of each other, Jack. We need you _both_ back here as soon as you’re able.” 

“Yes, sir.”   

Jack rose slowly and made his way toward the door.

He was walking better now, but he still had to be horizontal off and on during the day. He got his exercise going up to visit Daniel several times a day, stopping by the commissary for meals.  The rest of his days he spent napping or resting in his lockdown quarters.  Since he was still on oral pain meds, Doctor Fraiser still hadn’t cleared him to drive, but he didn’t want to go home yet anyway; not without Daniel. 

Of all of them, Carter was getting around best, but still spent most of her days during the team's stand-down in her lab, fiddling with her never-ending supply of doohickeys.

Jack visited his other teammates at least once a day, and sometimes he met Carter and Teal’c in the commissary for lunch.  

That was less pleasant than their usual downtime because of the delicate nature of Teal’c’s injury. 

It was all Jack could do to keep a straight face when he watched the big guy stand beside their table to eat.

T refused to sit down because it still hurt so much, and his pride wouldn’t let him sit half on the chair and let his injured cheek hang free, nor would he cant his hip up on that side to get his weight off it. The difficulty he had while eating made him grumpy, and whenever he appeared in the chow line, the room would clear in minutes flat.  The look of fierce displeasure on Teal’c’s face made all but his teammates run. 

Jack and Carter, however, understood that it wasn’t pent-up Jaffa rage looking for an outlet, but wounded pride.  They alone could bear witness to their brother’s embarrassment and understand it for what it was.  And afterward, they would invariably go up to the next floor to visit Daniel before returning to their jobs, prescribed rest, or physical therapy. 

The four of them discussed candidates for Daniel’s replacement on the team, but no one mentioned to Daniel that someone else would be chosen to command the unit, too.  Jack had asked the others not to tell Daniel, because he wanted to break the news in private, in his own time.  

On Jack’s recommendation, General Hammond had chosen Carter to take Jack’s place as CO, and Lieutenant Grogan – shortly to be promoted to Captain Grogan – would make up their fourth.  The young man had come a long way in the last few years and more than proven himself fit to be on SG-1. Red-haired Doctor Cameron Balinsky would advance from SG-13 to the flagship team to take Daniel’s place in the field.  As soon as Carter and Teal’c were fit for duty again, the newest incarnation of the flagship team would return to the field. 

Jack knew Daniel would be happy that Carter had gotten her command, and since Daniel himself had hand-picked Doctor Balinsky, he wouldn’t worry about the others going on without him.  All he’d have to adjust to was Jack not being on the team, but he’d deliver that news when he thought Daniel was ready to hear it.  For now, being wounded gave Jack an excuse not to be in the field, and that was all Daniel needed to know. 

Jack contented himself with visiting and making a general nuisance of himself in the infirmary, teasing the nurses and hovering over Daniel with his usual attempt at charm and wit, trying not to make him laugh and still keep him entertained during the day.  

When the time came for Daniel’s knee replacement surgery, he, Carter and Teal’c all posted themselves in the surgical lounge at the Academy Hospital to await news.

Hours later, Janet emerged with a big smile and a report that Daniel had come through just fine, and that his new knee should be healed enough within a few days for him to go home. 

An enormous sense of relief swept through Jack. He thanked her and requested to see Daniel in recovery, and a moment later Janet left to make the arrangements. Eventually she returned and led him back into the ward where several beds were lined up, all filled with recent surgical patients, nurses standing over them to monitor their vitals and update their charts. Janet stayed for a moment more, advising Jack not to expect too much. 

He just stood there for a moment, watching Daniel breathe, his head moving restlessly on the pillow.  

Daniel’s eyes opened and rolled around, not really focusing on anything before closing again. 

“Hey, Daniel,” said Jack, reaching through the rails to lay his hand on Daniel’s arm. “You awake?” 

“Jack,” Daniel called automatically, though Jack could see that he wasn’t quite lucid just yet. “I’m tired. C’n I sleep over?” His voice was halting, his words slurred, but Jack understood. 

“If we were at my house, you could,” he answered with a small smile, “but you’re in the hospital. You just had surgery, remember?” 

“My knee?” Blue eyes opened and struggled to focus on Jack’s face. "All fixed now?" 

He bent down low over the rails so Daniel could see him more clearly, since his glasses weren’t handy. “Yeah, so you gotta work on getting well, okay?” 

“’Kay, Jack. Tired.” 

Jack patted his arm again. “I know.  But try to wake up, Daniel. That’ll help the nurse know you came out of surgery all right. C’mon. Talk to me.” 

He continued to gently prod his friend until Daniel was fully conscious.

The recovery room nurse finally sent Jack out into the waiting room.  She returned a little while later to tell them Daniel’s room number, which he would occupy for the next few days until he was released.  

The three old SG-1 veterans headed up there together, Carter and Teal’c both limping along, Jack keeping up with their slow pace as they hobbled down the corridors. 

Daniel slipped in and out of wakefulness as the morphine did its job, not moving much. He squeezed Sam’s hand and gave Teal’c a weak smile, then apologized for dropping off to sleep during their visiting time. After a few minutes, Jack pulled up a chair and carefully sat down in it, and everyone else left.  

There was no way he was going to budge from that spot, and everyone knew it. He busied himself reading inane magazines someone had left behind, stared at Daniel’s TV with the sound turned off, gazed out the window, and finally dozed off in the chair.  

Eventually Daniel awakened, and they talked for a little while. Daniel had his eyes closed a lot, but Jack was pleased that he seemed to be in less pain, and he was fully cognizant of where he was and what had happened to him. 

When Daniel’s “dinner” arrived, Jack made Daniel laugh as he pretended interest in the Jell-O, chicken broth, saltines and weak tea.  Jack made sure Daniel got it all down, listening to his complaints with good humor.   

Finally, when visiting hours were over at 2000 hours, the nursing staff had to insist that Jack leave. 

 He did so reluctantly, promising Daniel he’d be back first thing in the morning.   

He took a taxi home, still not cleared to drive, and stepped into his house for the first time in over a week. He examined the place with new eyes, taking in the steps he knew Daniel would have to mount every time he moved through the house. It would be hard, especially with crutches or a walker. A wheelchair would be impossible to use, except in the back part of the house that was all one level.  

He decided to check with Sergeant Siler about building some temporary ramps to make it easier for Daniel to get around in the house.  He made a call to the base, asking for Siler’s extension, and quickly left the man a message on his voice mail about the possible project.   

Jack went around opening up windows and doors to let the place air out a little.  It had that shut-up-for-too-long smell to it.  Even though there was still a little chill in the air, Jack enjoyed letting in the freshness of the outdoors.    

Soon enough he was in bed and sleeping, dreaming of bringing Daniel home.

 

* * *

 

 

**19 May**

**The Next Morning**  

Jack awakened long before the alarm and rose, shutting it off as he got up. Following his morning routine, he dressed and padded barefoot into the living room, his socks and running shoes in hand. He dropped them beside the sofa and went into the kitchen to start the coffee. Deciding on cereal for breakfast, he set the box of Cheerios on the counter beside a bowl and spoon, poured a bowl full of oatey goodness, milk, put on his footwear, and strolled out onto the deck for breakfast.   

His gaze traveled out over his long-neglected backyard as he spooned in the first mouthful of breakfast and started to chew.

All the years he’d lived in his little log house, he’d never done much with the landscaping. He had a few potted plants on the deck and some hard to kill evergreens in the front garden beds, but the rest of the property was just lawn, backed by a few trees. Some time back he’d planted some irises, primroses and tulips at the tree line way at the far end, just to give the place a little spring color, but he’d been hesitant to put too much effort into gardening, since he was gone so often and those plants pretty much took care of themselves.  

A landscaping service watered and mowed when he was gone, sometimes for weeks on end, but Jack hadn’t wanted to delve into really doing anything with the place until he had the time.

Now, it seemed, that day had come.

 It gave him a good feeling, a sense of purpose radiating warmth all through him. 

Jack had learned a love of gardening from his Grandmother O’Neill, but had rarely indulged in it as an adult. He’d always been gone too long on missions all over the world – and lately on other worlds – but at last the time had come for him to return to his roots and dig in the earth. There was something satisfying about that idea, of the smell of fertile soil in his hands, of planting and watching the results grow, and of seeing the blooms unfurl in the sunlight.  

Every spring he felt that urge, planted what he could and hoped the new flowers would survive his intermittent presence. His knees and back couldn’t stand much in the way of gardening anyway, so it would have to be done a bit at a time, but he could do that now. A little every day, planting here, weeding there, trimming another day, fertilizing and mowing – the idea made his heart soar, taking him back to his childhood, on hands and knees with The Gran, learning the secrets of the earth and growing things from the O'Neill family matriarch.  

Out of everyone in the family, only Jack had gotten that precious time with her, and when she had died, she’d left him her most priceless treasure: a weathered old book that no one in the family had been allowed to touch but her. 

She had called him her little “Jack-in-Green.” That was a Celtic earth spirit also called the Green Man, depicted as a face made entirely of leaves, always smiling, watching over gardens and homes and guarding them against evil.

She never knew just how right she had been in giving him that nickname. 

He smiled.  Building a garden would be a good thing, but it would also take a lot of work, a fair amount of money, and tremendous planning to get it all right.  He looked forward to getting started, and wandered slowly across the gently sloping back yard to the trees at the rear of his property. 

A blue iris caught his eye, nodding in the breeze. He stopped a few feet from it and stared at it, thinking about all he knew about this particular plant, its lore and many uses, the origins of its various names, and its romantic history.

He thought about his grandmother’s prized book, and the personalized inscription she had written inside it, a message just for her grandson, scrolled through his mind, slowly filling him with wonder as it had years before, when he’d first memorized it.

 _When you find the one flower that is like no other, let this be your gift to that blossom, so it may flourish in your garden, the centerpiece in the landscape of your soul._  

 As the romantic idea uncurled gently inside him, like a cat stretching in a sunbeam as it awakened from a long nap, he marveled at the way things had come full circle and brought him back to the quiet passion of his childhood. 

Jack had indeed found that one flower who was certainly like no other, and now, he decided, he would plant a garden in his honor, a living love letter to Daniel. Each flower would represent a special phrase, placed with care so that, when one knew the meanings, the message could be translated and the lover’s heart laid bare. 

When Daniel could read that letter and understand the message, hopefully he would come to reside in the garden of Jack’s soul, as his grandmother had wished. 

He could almost hear The Gran’s voice reciting the secret tale… 

 _“Long ago, my Jack-in-Green, way back in the days of Queen Victoria, lovers would send flowers to each other – sometimes a showy rose, sometimes a simple weed. The flowers became secret messages, telling things the lovers dared not say in words. Even the placement of buds and blossoms in a slender vase was important. It was the most romantic language ever invented, because it was never spoken at all. It was something only lovers ever truly understood; a message straight from one heart to another, through the eyes instead of the ears.”_  

She had smiled at him then, and placed the book in his hands for the first time. 

He remembered the thrill that had gone through him as the idea of an unspoken code had raced through his little boy’s mind. He’d never found it easy to talk about his feelings, and this code had promised a way to help him with that.

He’d tried it a few times before, and had always been disappointed because no one had ever understood what he’d been trying to say. 

Now it seemed the perfect means for sending his brilliant linguist friend a message that would get his mind going, exciting him with a tantalizing puzzle to solve.  

Jack tipped back his head and laughed, spreading his arms to the early morning sun shining warm on his face, sloshing cereal and milk onto the deck. 

Maybe Daniel already knew about the Victorian code and would understand the message right away. Jack wouldn’t put it past him to know a tantalizing little tidbit like that, but if he didn’t… 

Daniel was going to have a hell of a time figuring this out. 

Jack just hoped that when he did, it would bring them closer together, rather than push them farther apart. If Daniel never got the message, then Jack would tuck the book back into its special place, along with his other most precious sentimental things, and let the idea go.  It was just a romantic notion, after all, and nobody expected real romance from Jack O’Neill. No one ever had.  

He hurried back inside the house and retrieved the little antique book he’d inherited from his beloved grandmother.  The old battered suitcase in the guest room closet contained few but incredibly precious pieces of his heart: a pair of Charlie’s baby shoes, a photograph of the first girl he’d kissed, another of the first he’d ever loved and slept with, and a lock of Sara’s hair.  There were other mementos from his early days in the military, like the dented belt buckle that had saved him from taking a bullet to the gut. 

Near the bottom of the suitcase lay the little green leather-bound book, and under that lay a small, nearly flat heart-shaped stone that had been his personal totem since boyhood, found in a riverbed and kept in secret places, something all his own. 

He picked it up and rubbed his thumb over the gritty surface, wondering if it might be time to give his stone heart away, too. 

He set it back down carefully, closed up the suitcase, put it away, and took the book into his den.   

Taking a seat at his desk, notebook and pen in hand, the heirloom book opened in front of him, he spent many minutes beginning to decipher exactly what he wanted to say to Daniel. 

That done, he went into the back yard and cut one of the tall irises, put it in a well-rinsed beer bottle full of water, and drove with it downtown to the florist’s shop he used whenever he needed to send flowers to anyone.   

The woman who owned the shop was happy to listen as he patiently explained what he wanted.  She seemed enchanted with his plan. 

Jack handed over the freshly cut iris along with the list for the first few deliveries. Then he swore her and her entire staff to secrecy, paying in cash on the spot. 

The rest of the day he spent at the hospital by Daniel’s side, entertaining his friend and making sure he was comfortable, all the while brimming with excitement and hope for what was to come.

 

* * *

 

 

**20 May**

**The Next Morning**   

Jack presented himself at the nurse’s station at the Academy Hospital to pick up his new roomie. After a lesson in how to fit Daniel's leg into the continuous passive movement machine, or CPM, the physical therapist watched Jack run through setting it up and taking it down.  

The device was designed to constantly flex and extend the knee joint, to help prevent the formation of blood clots and keep the knee from fusing and becoming contracted in a fixed position.  Daniel would have to be in the thing whenever he was reclining, and for a while he would need to return to the base twice a day for an hour of physical therapy. The SGC had provided two of the machines for Daniel's at-home recovery.  They had already been set up in Jack's home, one on the den sofa, and one in the spare bedroom Daniel would occupy. 

One of the big male nurses, a tall, sturdy redhead, helped Daniel into a wheelchair and loaded all of Daniel’s personal items onto a transport cart while Jack watched.  After all the discharge papers had been signed and post-care instructions given, a transportation aide came to wheel Daniel down to the exit.  

Jack pushed the cart while the aide drove the wheelchair, unable to help with more than that.  It was a relief for Jack to see Daniel’s knee bent at a normal angle, but he could tell by the grimace on the younger man’s face that he was still in a great deal of pain. 

“Jack, you don’t have to do this,” Daniel told him, glancing up at him solemnly as they rolled along the hospital corridor.   

“That’s what friends do, Daniel,” Jack reminded him. “They take care of each other. You ready?” 

“I guess. You really shouldn't, though,” he repeated.  “I’d be fine at the base. You’re recuperating yourself. You should be taking it easy.” 

“I _know_ you, Daniel. If you’re at the base, you’ll be working,” Jack shot back pleasantly. He walked beside the wheelchair, letting the aide push Daniel toward his truck parked at the dismissal bay. “And you’re supposed to be resting. Janet said no work for a week.”   

Daniel frowned. “I’m gonna go nuts with nothing to do.” He paused, casting a wary glance up at his friend. “Besides, we drive each other crazy when we’re both banged up and in close quarters.” 

Jack’s enthusiasm flagged momentarily, but he made an effort to sound upbeat. “It’ll be different this time, I promise.”  

“You don’t have to go to any trouble for me, Jack,” Daniel said solemnly. “You’ll hardly even know I’m there.” He sighed and looked down at his chest, his left arm suspended in a sling to keep it still, then patted his leg, now swathed from ankle to hip in bandages. “I must have been a cat in a former life.” 

“Well, you haven’t made it through all nine of your lives yet, so let’s not push it, shall we?”

Jack opened the door and the aide lifted a walker off the equipment cart, setting it in front of Daniel. He used it to pull himself slowly to his feet, bearing his weight on his uninjured left leg.  

He balanced briefly with the device, stepped up onto the running board with his good leg, and hoisted himself upward. The aide helped him get his bandaged leg into the truck amid much gasping and groaning that accompanied every movement.  

Jack folded up the walker and waited while the aide put it into the truck’s back seat along with the other equipment, and shut Daniel’s door.  As the aide turned to return the chair and cart into the hospital, Jack called out his thanks to the man, and with a final wave Jack walked around to the driver’s side and got in. 

“We’re gonna have a good time together, Daniel,” Jack assured him with a smile. “Movies, pizza, the Discovery Channel… anything you want, while you’re home with me. I’ll be your personal slave for the next couple of weeks or so. However long it takes you to be on your own again.” 

Daniel’s voice was very small and faint as they sat in the truck. “Really, Jack?” 

Warmth filled Jack’s heart.  The two men exchanged a long look, and then Jack reached out to pat Daniel’s shoulder.  “

Sure.  Don’t worry, everything’s gonna be just fine.” 

He turned and started the ignition.  Hands on the steering wheel, Jack gazed unseeingly out the windshield.  “I really _don’t_ mind,” he said, trying to put every scrap of sincerity he felt into his words.  “For you, I’d do anything.”  He looked back at Daniel, anxious to see that his friend was really okay with his plans for them. 

“Thanks.” Daniel smiled at him, looking out from beneath his lashes, shy and embarrassed. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Jack. I really mean that.” 

Jack’s heart was doing somersaults in his chest, but he gave no outward sign how that look was affecting him. “Backatcha, Danny. Why you still like me after all the shit I’ve put you through, I’ll never know, but you do, and I’m grateful for that,” he said in a voice just above a whisper. 

Daniel glanced at his lap, obviously deeply touched.  He eyed Jack with a smile.  “Seems to me I’ve given you some shit right back over the years.  Let’s call us even, okay?” 

Jack held his right hand out, and they shook on it. “Deal.”   

With a smile, Jack put the truck in gear, and they headed for home.  As they drove he let Daniel punch the buttons on the radio and listen to whatever he liked without a single complaint. 

In a little less than an hour, with Daniel sleeping on the den sofa, the CPM machine whirring away softly under his leg, Jack took the opportunity to sit down at his desk.  He rolled out a length of graph paper over a topographic survey of his lot, carefully tracing every line onto the faintly lined paper. He sketched in the existing trees and the footprint of the house from the builder’s site plan, then stared at it for a while, determining how deep the shade went in all areas, where there was full sun and what would have partial sun, partial shade and deep shade.  

With his grandmother’s little guidebook beside him, he made a list of all the appropriate plants he would need for the garden, then hit the internet to research growing conditions and zone hardiness for each of them. He coded the list with symbols that only he could understand to keep prying eyes or accidental glances from revealing his plot, and put away the book. His garden project would take a lot of time, but he could work on it little by little, leaving his materials – all but that little book – out on his desk in plain sight. 

Jack simply didn’t have the language skills needed to impress a man like Daniel, and he knew it. But what he lacked in linguistics he could make up for in cleverness. This was the most ingenious plan he’d ever come up with for any purpose, and he was sure Daniel would appreciate it for that, if nothing else. 

His heart filled with love and hope, he glanced up at his roomie now and then to make sure he was resting comfortably.

 

* * *

 

 

After lunch and a long, slow trip down the hall for Daniel to use the bathroom, Jack was just getting his friend settled back on the couch when the doorbell rang. 

“Don’t get up, Daniel,” said Jack lightly, teasing. “I’ll get it.”  

He sauntered to the door and smiled at the delivery guy.

“Oh. What’s this?” he asked innocently, taking charge of the tall vase and a small pot. He eased the pot into the crook of his left arm and took the vase in his left hand, then pulled a folded bill from his trouser pocket and handed it to the man with a wink and a smile. “Thanks,” he told him quietly, and returned to the den on happy feet. 

“Who was it?” called Daniel from the sofa as Jack entered the room.   

“Look!  Somebody sent us flowers,” Jack told him. He set the items on the coffee table, then proceeded to inspect the little envelopes hanging on the ribbons of each container.  

He frowned. “Okay, this one’s for you,” he told Daniel, and pushed the iris toward him. “And so’s this one. Huh. I didn’t get any.”

He stood up, looking as nonplussed as he could manage, hands on hips. “I guess I’m not as popular as you are, Doctor Jackson.”   

“Oh, that’s just great,” Daniel moaned, his lip curling in a sneer of distaste. “Call Janet and tell her I’ll need an allergy shot now in addition to all the other drugs she’s giving me.”

He eyed the blooms unhappily. “The tall one’s an iris, but what’s the other thing? The pink one in the pot?” 

“A geranium, I think. Interesting leaves, kinda like oak leaves. I don’t think I’ve seen one like that before. It’s pretty.”  

Jack made a great show of studying the flowers.  “Who d’ya suppose they’re from?” 

Daniel shrugged. “I dunno. Somebody who obviously doesn’t know me very well,” he said flatly, picking up the cards. The first one he opened had a single word printed in bold, plain letters that defied identification by the writing style. So did the second one.

“ _‘Translate’_ and _‘codex_. _’_ Wonder what that’s supposed to mean?” 

Jack grinned.  “Maybe your secret admirer knows you better than you think.  Looks like you’ve got a puzzle to solve.  I’ll take these outdoors so they don’t bother your nose.” 

He picked up the containers and carried them outside, setting them on the deck table, leaving his friend to study the cards. 

“Who would send me flowers?” Daniel mused aloud. 

“Y’got me,” Jack said flatly as he returned to the den. “They’re pretty, though. I set them on the table on the deck so you could see them through the window when you're in the living room.” 

“Thanks, Jack.”   

He fingered the cards in his lap again. 

“Codex,” Daniel mused. “Translate. Translate the codex. What codex?”

Daniel stared at the cards from the florist shop, his busy brain trying to decipher the two messages and what they might mean. The effort tired him out, so eventually he set the cards aside, slid back down on the couch and slept again. 

There would be plenty of time for the puzzle later, but it would keep his mind occupied until he could fill it with work. 

Jack felt a sense of satisfaction that his little mystery wouldn’t be unraveled too soon, and went into the kitchen to clean up the dishes from lunch.

After that he spent a while in his den with the landscape plan, drawing out symbols for the various plants he wanted to use and coloring them with map pencils he’d purchased just for this project. Carefully he trimmed around each grouping of plants, referring to the little book for the meanings, and arranged the cut-outs on the paper, experimenting with both the messages and the plants’ needs. 

It was early evening before he realized it, and he hid the book behind some others on his bookshelves before waking Daniel up.

His friend was still sacked out on the couch, his glasses askew on his face, reading material in a slack grip on his belly.

Jack smiled at the sight and carefully removed Daniel’s glasses, setting them aside on the coffee table before going into the kitchen to start dinner.

He decided Daniel could sleep a few minutes more, until the food was ready. 

 

* * *

 

 

Cleaning up after their meal didn’t take long, and Jack stood just behind the den sofa, wiping his hands on a towel and studying his friend.

Daniel reclined against a bunch of pillows, a book tented on his chest, his fingers gently holding onto the spine. He’d been up reading for several hours but was still in a lot of pain, and the medication for that made him incredibly sleepy. 

Daniel was in need of a haircut, but hadn’t had time to get one lately and probably wouldn’t be able to go out for a while.

 Jack hoped he’d let it grow again, and put a hand up to his own nape to check his length. He was past due as well, but now that he wasn’t military anymore, he didn’t have to follow the regs. He could let his hair grow, if he wanted; maybe he’d let it get long, like it had been when he was a teenager. 

Jack decided he wanted to do just that. He idly wondered if Daniel would like it if his hair were long. Maybe he’d let it grow and grow and put it back in a ponytail. He ran his fingers over his chin and thought about adding a beard and mustache, but facial hair itched, and he didn’t like it. He’d keep his face clean-shaven. Maybe he'd even get one or both of his ears pierced, get a whole new look to emphasize his civilian status. 

His eyes strayed back to that sleeping face, and he felt something inside him shift.

For the first time since they’d gotten home, he really _looked_ at Daniel, and discovered that the man he’d known so well and fought beside for so long was beautiful, inside and out. Beyond the handsome face and gorgeous blue eyes, there was a perpetual innocence about him, a wonder at such small things the universe revealed to them.

Looking at things through the eyes of Daniel’s soul made everything an adventure. 

Oh, he knew he had it bad, all right.  

Shaking his head with a wry grin, he returned to the kitchen and gazed out the windows into the back yard.

Daniel hadn’t gotten the first message, but Jack was certain that, in time, he would. All the evidence was there in the containers on the table. All he had to do was translate it. 

Iris and oak-leafed geranium: _I bring you a message of true friendship._  

Jack had to be patient. This stirring inside him wasn’t something he could put into words, at least not yet, but the flowers would help him to say so many precious little things.  He hoped that, in time, Daniel would understand.

And if he didn’t, well, Jack would keep searching for some other way to communicate, or he’d content himself with the friendship they already shared. 

As long as Daniel was in his life, that was all that really mattered.  He could help Daniel, look after him, be there for him when he was needed, and step out of the way when he wasn’t. 

He envisioned that manly face and form that he knew so well, but didn’t really know at all. He’d learn every inch of what he could see, every glimpse of what Daniel chose to show him. He’d ask questions, learn about Daniel’s past and what made him the way he was.

Suddenly Jack found himself wanting to know everything about Daniel – his favorite color, what movies he liked, the books and authors he loved best, especially if there were fiction writers among them, and then Jack would read those books and endeavor to learn more still. 

His heart ached, well aware that he had fallen hard, wishing he could find a proper way to tell Daniel what was in his heart, but Jack had never been a man of words.

That was Daniel’s forte.

Meanwhile, Jack would be doing the best he could, and if Daniel didn’t get the message… well, they were doing fine just like they were. 

“Time for bed, Daniel,” announced Jack, returning to the den. He was tired, and his body was screaming to lie down and be still.  The journey to get both of them into the back of the house would be long and arduous.  

Daniel’s head turned, his eyelids cracking open slowly as what Jack had said seeped into his weary mind. “I thought I’d just stay here on the sofa,” said Daniel, now looking up at Jack with wide-open eyes. He was obviously not looking forward to that long walk. 

“Don’t chicken out on me now,” Jack shot back playfully. “C’mon, you can do it. You made it just fine the couple times you went to the bathroom.  We’re both tired, but we’ll make it okay.” 

He handed Daniel a pain pill and a glass of water and watched while he took it without complaint.  

They waited twenty minutes for the medication to be at full effect before Daniel started to move.

With a heavy sigh, Daniel began the slow, difficult process of shifting his injured leg out of the CPM and down to the floor. That was always the most difficult part of the process, and the most excruciating. Using his leg muscles to shift his bandaged limb hurt badly enough, but lowering it from the sofa and onto the floor was wildly painful, and it would take him several minutes to recover once he got his foot down.

Often, Daniel had tears in his eyes when he finally managed to get that one movement done. 

Jack would have loved to help him with that, but bending to assist and bearing the weight of his limb would have hurt Jack just as much, and Daniel wouldn’t allow him to do that. So Jack watched and waited, his whole body tensing when Daniel gasped in agony.  

When Daniel finally quieted and gave Jack the nod that he was ready to proceed, Jack braced himself. He held the walker and let Daniel pull himself upright, then stepped away to let Daniel start off on the long journey. 

They walked together, Jack taking little steps beside Daniel as he hobbled along with his walker, one hand on his back to insure that he wouldn’t fall. It took a while, but they managed, both of them sweating with effort by the time they reached the bathroom, situated between the two bedrooms in the forward wing of the house.

 Daniel sagged against the wall for a moment to rest. “Think I’m gonna need another pain pill, Jack.” 

“It’s too soon,” Jack reminded him sympathetically. His eyes flicked up to Daniel’s face, gone gray with anguish. “I wish I _could_ give you another one, but we don’t need you overdosing. You’ll feel better once you can relax in the bed.” 

Daniel shook his head, tears of distress glittering in his eyes. “I know, I know. Just wishing out loud.” 

Jack eyed him, anxious to help, feeling damned helpless. “You ready now?” 

Daniel nodded and carefully eased away from the wall, panting slightly. Jack guided him into the bathroom, turned on the lights, and then left him alone to do what he needed to do before bed. 

“You call me if you need help,” Jack called through the door. “Nothing to be embarrassed about here.” 

When Daniel emerged from the bathroom, he started to turn toward the guest room, but Jack put a hand lightly on his shoulder and nodded toward the master bedroom. “C’mon. Sleep with me, Daniel.” 

As soon as the words left Jack’s mouth, a hot pang of desire shot down into his groin. He shook it off, ignoring it completely, focusing on Daniel’s pain and his own. 

“I’ll be fine in the guest room, Jack,” Daniel argued, sagging against the walker. He was obviously wiped out from all the exercise he’d gotten that day, just going back and forth between sofa and bathroom. 

“We’ve slept together before,” Jack argued wearily, shaking his head. “We do it all the time in the field. Did, anyway.” 

“We’re not in the field,” Daniel argued half-heartedly. “You’ve got a perfectly good guest room—“ 

“Look, neither one of us is very spry at the moment,” Jack reminded him gently. “If you need something, I’ll be right there, and that’s a helluva lot closer than gimping down the hall at three in the morning. The bathroom’s closer to my bed, anyway, and the CPM’s already installed there. It’s too big and heavy for me to move right now, so we’re stuck with this arrangement. It just made the most sense to me at the time, when the folks who brought your equipment in were setting it up.”  

With a sigh and a nod of understanding, Daniel acquiesced and limped toward Jack’s room. He sat down on the side of the unmade bed, groaning with relief.

 Jack stepped into the bathroom and dampened a washcloth with hot water, squeezed out the excess and brought it to Daniel along with a hand towel. 

“Here, get a little of the sweat off, and I’ll get you something to sleep in,” Jack suggested. “You’ll have to make do with sponge baths till those bandages come off.” 

Daniel accepted the cloth, took off his glasses and started with his face. Jack laid the glasses on the nightstand, then rummaged in the bag he’d packed for Daniel with some of his clothes from his base quarters, taking out a T-shirt and some boxers. He took Daniel’s used T-shirt and tossed it into the bathroom hamper, then helped his friend remove his sweat pants and boxers and wash down his legs. 

Jack kept his eyes on Daniel’s bandages or his face, carefully avoiding looking at anything else while he was nude.  

As soon as he finished, Daniel sighed and smiled at him, handing over the washcloth. “Thanks. I feel a little better now.” He reached for the clean boxers and, with Jack’s help, pulled them on over his hips. He slipped into the shirt, and then Jack helped him under the covers and fitted him back into the second CPM machine for the night.  

When Daniel was settled and resting, Jack took his own nightclothes and went into the bathroom to wash up, change and brush his teeth. He kept his mind blank, purposefully thinking about nothing, shifting his awareness to his aching body instead. He took one of his own pain pills with a long swallow of water, glad for their first day at home to be over. 

When he was done, he returned to the bedroom, eased carefully under the covers and snapped off the bedside lamp, sighing as he relaxed under the covers, lying on his back. His side still hurt, but pressure against his wound was bearable now so he could lie on his back for a while. 

“I still don’t understand why you wanted to take care of me,” Daniel queried, his voice a deep, soft rumble. “You can barely take care of yourself.” 

“I’m doing fine. At least I can walk,” said Jack, and then instantly regretted it.

He turned his head on the pillow to face his bedmate. “Sorry.  I didn’t mean to—“ 

“It’s okay.  I’ll be on both feet again before we know it.”

He smiled, facing the shadow that was Jack O’Neill.  “Thank you for taking care of me. You’re a good friend. Best ever.” 

“You’re welcome, Danny.”  That was one of the reasons Jack loved this man so much. There Daniel was, facing a permanent handicap, and he was comforting Jack, thinking of others before himself and looking at the future with a positive attitude.

Jack took a deep breath, sensing this was the right time for the other shoe to drop. 

He turned his head, unable to roll onto his right side to fully face his friend. “Ah, I need to tell you something. It might come as kind of a shock, but you need to know. I gave Hammond my retirement papers last week.” 

Daniel’s head whipped toward him on the pillow as he made eye contact. Shock flashed across his face, illuminated by moonlight coming through the sheer curtains. “Wha-what? What? You can’t do that, Jack! We need you.” 

“That’s sort of what George said, too.” Jack sighed. He lifted one hand and placed it on Daniel’s arm. “He’s offered me a civilian advisory position. I’ll be helping to run the base in an administrative capacity, train and recruit new people, crunch numbers and drum up support in Washington, but I won’t be going through the’ gate anymore. With my knees and my back the way they are, I was probably facing a medical retirement soon anyway. I’m just too old for all that horsing around now.” 

“You’re not old,” Daniel defended staunchly. “You’re in great shape--“ 

“Well, whatever. It’s done. We’re both grounded now. Both civilians.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

With a shrug, Jack told him, “It was bound to happen eventually. We both knew that. I’ve already got thirty years in, and that’s a long, long time.  First contact is the sort of work for young men and women to do, not broken down old war horses like me.” 

There was an edge of anger to Daniel’s voice as he whispered, “Don’t talk like that.  It sounds like you’re giving up.”

His eyes glittered with challenge in the moonlight that turned them to silver. 

“Not giving up,” Jack promised firmly. “Just changing tactics. Putting my experience to good use, just like you’ll be doing.” He grinned. “And Carter’s getting command of SG-1. We all knew you’d be happy about that.” 

Surprise dawned on the younger man’s face. “You mean… Did she get a promotion? To Lieutenant Colonel?”   

“Nah, not yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not coming soon. Grogan’s making up the fourth, taking her place as her second in command, and Hammond okayed Balinsky for their academic.” 

A soft smile lit Daniel’s face, and he nodded his approval.  “Yeah.  It’ll be a good team.” 

“As soon as Grogan and Balinsky learn Teal’c’s not gonna chew ‘em up when he gets that ‘ _I will split you open like a ripe melon’_ look on his face, they’ll be all right.  They’ll take care of each other, and we can’t ask for more than that.” 

 He heard the wistfulness in his own voice and turned his eyes to the shadowy ceiling. 

Now that he’d confided in Daniel, the finality of his choice set in, and with it came a trace of grief. 

“Jack.”  His name on Daniel’s lips was a sigh of defeat, a plea for silence, and a term of endearment all at the same time.  Daniel’s face filled with sorrow, determination and affection.

“We’ll get through this together.  I’m just sorry you’re… I know this’ll be hard for you.” 

“You okay now?”  Jack asked on a sigh, warily lifting his eyes to meet his friend’s. 

“Um.”  Those expressive eyebrows drew together over Daniel’s gleaming eyes, half hidden in shadow. 

Jack knew Daniel had a question he wasn’t sure he wanted to ask.  “Just spill it, Daniel.” 

“Did you retire… because of me?”  There was pain and guilt in that tired voice, Daniel’s face a landscape of pale light and shadow, all in silver and blue. 

Jack carefully rolled over to face his bedmate, waiting for the pain from his movement to pass before he tried to speak. He laid his hand on Daniel’s shoulder and squeezed slightly.

This was exactly what Jack wanted, only this. Comfort filled him up, lifted his heart on gossamer wings. He smiled in the darkness.

“The truth, Danny?  Yes and no. I retired for both of us. It really was time for me to move on, but you know how I feel about leaving people behind. I couldn’t let you go through this alone.” 

Daniel smiled at him. “Yeah. That’s one of the things I love about you, Jack.”

His eyes slid shut as his pain medication kicked in, and he sighed a goodnight.  In moments Daniel was sleeping, the only sounds his even breaths and the quiet hum of the machine keeping his leg in constant, gentle motion. 

For what seemed an eternity, Jack didn’t even breathe. That declaration echoed inside Jack’s mind, elating him and terrifying him all at the same time. Of _course_ Daniel loved him. Jack had known that for years. But could Daniel _love_ him? Could he fall _in love_ with the man who had fought by his side for all those years? 

Jack knew he had to be patient.  He would continue to send the messages, sure that once Daniel was able to think clearly and concentrate on something besides the terrible pain he was enduring, the idea would clarify in his genius mind, and he would figure it out. And when he did, Jack was sure he was going to have to be prepared for anything. 

For the moment, Daniel was peacefully sleeping close beside him, and Daniel loved him. It was more than enough.

 

* * *

 

**23 May**

**Three Days Later**  

Daniel backed up to the sofa, thinking again how glad he was that Jack had chosen his library for him as the place to spend his days.  He could stretch out on the honey brown leather sofa and watch TV if he wanted, or Jack had _actual_ books that Daniel could read.  He could also snooze there in comfort and had done just that for much of the first few days.  That location had given him little trouble getting back and forth to the bathroom by himself, so he’d tended not to move much once planted.  

Whenever Daniel's glass had needed refilling, or he was hungry, he’d called Jack and asked him to fetch for him.  When he wasn’t running errands for Daniel, Jack could usually be found sitting at his desk not far away, working on something.  He’d been quiet and studious, not running the usual chatter, and for long periods of time Daniel completely forgot Jack was even in the room until he needed to get up and had to be helped out of the CPM.  

After his latest trip to the bathroom, Daniel contemplated sitting down in the recliner again, but knew Jack would be all over him for not setting up in the CPM on the couch.  He glanced over at the desk, wondering once again what Jack’s project was.  Curiosity got the better of him this time.  Jack was in the kitchen at the moment, making them dinner, so Daniel hobbled over to take a look. 

He had no trouble recognizing the footprint of the house and the layout of the lot as Jack’s home.  Little cutouts of unidentifiable plants sat on top of the big sheet of graph paper, and Daniel realized instantly that his friend was working on a landscape plan for the place.  That was a good thing. It would give Jack a hobby, something to fill his spare time, now that he was about to actually start having some. 

The more he looked at the drawing, though, the more surprised he became.  It wasn’t just a beginner’s drawing, laid out by someone who didn’t know what they were doing. 

Light crosshatched lines in blue indicated places in the yard in year-round deep shade.  Another pattern in lighter blue marked other areas of partial shade, using directional lines to indicate the seasonal slant.  The plant groupings were unlabeled but drawn to scale and colored with map pencils to show greenery and blooming plants in a variety of colors. 

This was the work of someone who knew the art of landscaping well.  Daniel thought maybe it was something only a master gardener could do.  It might not be up to the level of a degreed landscape architect, but it was intricate and obviously well planned. 

“What’re you doing up?”  Jack demanded as he stepped into the room. 

“Just looking at your project, here,” Daniel assured him.  “I didn’t know you knew anything about landscaping, Jack.” 

Daniel hoped his friend heard the admiration in his voice.  “This is really good.  You’re going all out, huh?”

Jack shrugged and came to sit down behind the desk again.  “It’ll keep me off the streets,” he teased. “ ‘Course I’ll have to do it a little bit at a time.  I’m makin’ more money now that I did in the military, but the old bod won’t let me do it all at once, and I wanna do it myself, not hire it done.”   

“You know, if I'm gonna be living here for a while, maybe I should pay you rent,” Daniel offered.  “I mean, I owe you that.  And I should be helping with the groceries and utilities and stuff, too.” 

“Okay.”  Jack gave him a mysterious little smile.  “We’ll work out the details later.  Right now, shouldn’t you be off your feet?” 

Daniel glanced at his bare toes.  The ones on his injured leg were swelling, starting to darken a little and his skin felt tight.  “Yeah. Gotta prop this baby up for a while.” 

He turned and made his way back to the sofa, eased carefully down and let Jack fit him back into the machine.  He leaned back on the stack of pillows as Jack switched on the CPM, and after Daniel got used to the slow, steady motion, the pain began to ease a little. 

He grabbed the remote and changed the channel on the TV, turning on Jack’s favorite cartoons.  “So when did you learn how to do all that?” he asked, hoping for a little conversation. 

Jack’s silver head was bent over the plan again, moving the little cutouts around and staring at the paper.  “Long time ago,” he answered distantly. 

“I figured that,” Daniel shot back.  “Tell me about it.  Talk to me.” 

The doorbell rang just as Jack opened his mouth to answer. 

“Be right back,” he said, and rose from his chair to disappear down the hall.  A few moments later, he returned with a big smile, bearing a vase in each hand. 

“Daniel,” Jack observed lightly, “somebody’s got it bad for you.” 

“Who?” the younger man queried, studying the arrangements. “Nobody’s even given me a hint.  At first, I thought it might be Sam, but this speaks of romance, Jack.  Have you noticed any of the women at the base looking at me?” 

Jack’s smile vanished and his eyebrows climbed up his forehead in his patented clueless look. 

“I don’t know if any of the women are looking at you, Daniel,” he declared mildly.  “If they were, don’t you think I’d tell you?  I mean, you need to get laid in the worst way, once you’re able to do the wild thing again. You haven’t had any in almost as long as me, and you were _dead,_ for cryin’ out loud!  You should celebrate.” 

Daniel couldn’t help grinning at him.  

“What?”  Jack demanded slyly, still trying for the clueless look, but certain he was failing miserably.   

“So are you planning on doing anything about your own celibacy?” 

Jack rolled his eyes and sighed.  “I’ll just go set these on the deck with the others, where you can see ‘em, but they won’t bother your nose.” 

“Wait a minute!  Let me look at them first,” Daniel argued.  

Jack brought them closer. 

Daniel studied the flowers.  One arrangement had variegated tulips, yellow with bold streaks of red on the petals.  Trailing over the edge of the vase were fine, feathery tendrils of vetch, tiny purple blossoms dotting the fern-like foliage in clusters.  Mixed in with them were some pale yellow silk roses with a slight pink blush. 

The second vase was tall and held an odd mixture of small tree branches and carnations.  It was a unique arrangement, the dark green sprays of cedar providing a contrast with the pale green new leaves of mountain ash.  Three white carnations in full bloom filled out the center of the arrangement. 

Neither of these had any cards aside from the standard ‘ _Get Well Soon’_ blanks from the florist shop. 

“Somebody sent you tree branches,” Jack stated.  “That’s… different.” 

“Never seen an arrangement quite like that, but it’s pretty.  Don’t you think?”  Daniel reached out to touch one of the carnations, his fingertips stroking the silky flesh of a petal. 

Then he sneezed. 

And groaned, curling up on himself, one hand pressed against his chest wound. "Ow."  

“Damn it,” Jack growled crossly.  He left the room with the arrangements and returned empty-handed.  He gazed down at his roomie, worry evident in his eyes.  “You okay, Danny?  Should I call Fraiser?” 

Gritting his teeth, Daniel writhed on the recliner, waiting for the pain to recede enough for him to be able to speak.  “I think I’m okay.  But no more flowers in the house, all right?” 

“I’ll just put ‘em all out on the deck, if you get more,” Jack promised, his hand on Daniel’s shoulder.  “I won’t even bring ‘em in anymore.  Maybe I’ll take some pictures of 'em so you can keep ‘em handy and enjoy ‘em in here.  You sure you’re okay?” 

Daniel nodded.  “Yeah.  Pain’s better now.” 

“Need meds?” 

“No.  I’ll be okay in a minute.” 

With a sigh, Jack sat down at his desk, his shoulders slumped. 

“Why don’t you take a nap, Jack?  You look beat.” 

Jack nodded.  “Damned flowers,” he growled. 

“It’s okay, Jack.  I’ll be fine.” 

“Sorry, Daniel,” Jack murmured. 

“It’s not your fault I’m allergic to practically everything that blooms.”  Smiling to himself, his pain easing at last, Daniel just closed his eyes and went in search of his own rest, glad he had such a wonderful friend as Jack O’Neill.   

For now, the topic of getting laid and their mutual celibacy was forgotten.

 

* * *

 

 

**27 May**

**Four Days Later**

The photos lay in a stack on the table beside the sofa where Daniel always sat.  Jack made sure to take pictures of each and every grouping of flowers that arrived, dating them in the bottom right corner.  The flowers themselves were kept exiled to the deck.  Jack teased Daniel about the flower stand out back, but Sam was enchanted when she and Teal’c came for their daily visit. 

“I’ve never seen that much variety at a florist’s shop,” she told Daniel when she brought him the latest photo of the morning’s deliveries. “Some of these had to be special orders, because I know they aren’t raised commercially as cut flowers.” 

Daniel frowned, staring at the photo she handed him. “You’re right. I don’t even know what some of these plants are.” 

She sat down on the recliner beside the sofa and picked up the stack of photos. “Let me see if I can help with that.” She looked at the first one. “Japanese iris and oak-leaf geranium,” she declared, pulling a pen from the pocket of her denim jacket. “This geranium is a very rare plant, Daniel. Probably very expensive. You might find one at a specialty nursery, but not likely at a florist’s. Hmm.”  

“Or in someone’s yard,” Jack offered, coming into the room with a tall glass of diet cola for Sam and water for Teal'c. He handed them over and took his own iced tea over to the desk after checking Daniel’s glass of lemonade to see if he needed a refill. Satisfied that he didn’t need to be topped off, he took a seat and pretended to ignore everyone, turning his attention to the landscape plan. 

Holding up one photograph, Sam pointed out a beautiful silk rose in the middle of an arrangement. “This is a Maiden’s Blush rose, available at some craft stores. It’s surrounded by silk Damask roses and live red double pinks that are nursery plants, rather than cut flowers. That’s milvetch and this is a spray of new oak leaves. Really unusual arrangement. I can’t imagine a florist putting this together without specific instructions to use these exact plants. They _never_ mix silk and live flowers in the same arrangements, so this has to be important to the sender.”  

“Perhaps there is a reason for the choices,” added Teal’c from his position seated on the arm of the recliner beside Sam.   

“I’m sure there is,” said Jack nonchalantly from the desk, his head bent over his drawing. “Someone’s got the hots for our linguist.” 

Sam beamed at Daniel, her smile filled with affection for her wounded teammate. “They’re sure going to a lot of trouble to impress you, Daniel.”  

“But who?” He shrugged helplessly. “I don’t have a clue who might be interested in me.” He smiled a little at his friends. “You wanna ask around, see if you can help me out, there, guys?” 

Sam chuckled. “Nobody’s said anything to me, and I've asked just about everyone at the base if they know anything,” she informed him airily. “Believe me, you’re the topic of a lot of gossip right now.  We're all curious who your secret admirer might be, and nobody’s got a clue. A couple of people have even gone by the flower shop that’s sending these things, to try to bribe some information out of the staff there.” 

“And?” 

She blushed a little. “Apparently, they’re having quite a good time with this, too. Their lips are sealed.” 

“Yeah, I tried bribing the delivery guy, but he thought I was hitting on him,” Jack deadpanned. 

All heads turned toward him for a moment, and the four of them exchanged a look.  After a beat, they turned back to each other and pretended he hadn’t made that lame joke. 

Jack bent his head over the paper again, the ghost of a smile hiding in the corners of his mouth.   

“I have been investigating rumors, and aside from the special place the nursing staff in the infirmary has for you in their hearts, no one exhibits an overtly romantic affection for you, DanielJackson.” Teal’c raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps this is meant as a challenge to your intellect; a treasure hunt, I believe it is called.” 

“Well, if whoever’s sending these things expects to get any real dialogue going, they need to speak up,” Daniel groused.  “I can’t read minds and don’t have a clue who might be expressing said interest.”  

He handed Sam the stack of photos. “Would you mind identifying all the plants for me? A few of them I already know, like the common ones, roses and iris, but some of them I’ve never seen before.  I’d like to have a record so that, if I ever _do_ find out who’s sending me these things, I’ll be able to ask why she chose these specific flowers. They’re really crazy arrangements, but still beautiful in their own odd way.” 

“I’ll do that, Daniel,” Sam assured him, tucking the photos into her jacket pocket. “Meanwhile, how are you feeling? Janet says you should be out of that medieval torture device soon.” She eyed the CPM with interest. “How’s the physical therapy going?” 

“Oh, yay, thanks for _that_ pleasant reminder,” Daniel groused with a grimace. “Janet said the PT would be, and I quote, ‘exquisitely painful,’ and she wasn’t exaggerating. I didn’t know _anything_ could hurt so bad. The Goa’uld could take lessons in torture from my therapist.”

He frowned heavily, running a hand over the gauze wrapping at the top of his thigh. “The bandages will be coming off soon, and I’m not looking forward to seeing the mess underneath.” 

“You’ve still _got_ your leg, though,” Jack reminded him quietly.  “And considering there was a chance for a day or so there after we got back that you might lose it entirely, I think you know how lucky you are to have those scars to look at, don’tcha?” He raised his gaze to Daniel’s and waited. “Besides, that’s what pants are for. You should see my scars.” 

Daniel nodded. “Yeah. I do know how lucky I am, Jack. I do.” 

 “Besides, scars are sexy.”  Jack dropped his gaze back to his drawing.  “Or so I’ve been told.” 

Daniel snorted back a laugh. Sam’s came out in startled surprise. Teal’c raised one eyebrow. 

Without looking up, Jack continued to work on his plan. 

“You’ll be back on your feet in no time,” Sam promised Daniel with a grin. She stood up and patted her jacket pocket to confirm she had the photos, so she could take them home and do her research into the various plant species for him. “We gotta go to work now. You want either of us to bring you anything from the base? Some books or something?” 

“Nah, Jack’s my runner,” Daniel told her.  “He says the exercise’s doing him good.  And Nyan brings me stuff from the base – that’s not work related.” 

 He shot a nervous glace at Jack, hoping his keeper hadn’t discovered that Nyan was also sneaking him reference books so he could work a little, when he felt up to it. 

Jack’s eyes were suddenly on him, boring holes right through his body. 

 _Busted!_  

Carter turned toward her former commander.  “And how are you doing?  Anything I can get you?” 

“You want the list?” he teased.  

Sam obviously didn’t get the joke.  Neither did Daniel. 

“There’s a list?” he asked, his eyebrows skyrocketing.  “Plants for your garden, maybe?”   

He turned to Sam, smiling proudly. “Have you seen what he’s doing, Sam?  This place is gonna be gorgeous!  Go look at the landscape plan he’s drawing up.” 

“Not yet!”  Jack shot back forcefully, his hands spreading over the top of the drawing in an attempt to hide it from any casual glances from their visitors. “It’s not ready for unveiling.  I’m still working on placements.” 

Carter had been about to go over to the desk, but she picked up her diet cola and took a sip instead.  “Let me know if you want any help with it, sir.  You know me and plants.” 

“Lose the ‘sir,’ Carter,” he reminded her.  "Unless I've been secretly knighted lately, I'm not a 'sir' anymore.  Not in my own house, anyway." 

“Right, Jack,” she amended with a grin and a shrug.  “Old habits.” 

Jack leaned back in his chair and gave her a little smile.  “I’m starting to feel pretty good, actually.  Still get tired easy, but I’m okay. Hardly taking any pain meds at all now. Don’t either of you worry about us, okay?” 

Sam gave him a hesitant, relieved little smile.  “Okay.”  Her smile deepened. 

Jack grinned back at her and gave her a wink.  “So, how’re you doing with your new team?” 

Sam beamed.  “First mission went just fine, everybody back in one piece, no dents or scratches.” 

“I’m sure having Teal’c at your side makes it feel like we’re all still with you,” Daniel added, looking over at the Jaffa.  “Wish we still were.” 

She smiled fondly at him.  “We carry you both with us wherever we go, Daniel.”  She stood up and stepped over to him, took his hand and gave it a squeeze. 

“See you guys later,” she said with a fond smile.  “We’ll let ourselves out.” 

With a wave at Jack, she carried her glass with her down the hallway. 

“If I may be of assistance to either of you, do not hesitate to call,” Teal’c added with a slight smile. 

 He bowed slightly to both of them, then followed Carter out of the room with his glass of water in hand. 

Silence stretched between the two men, who stared at each other, both lost in thought. 

"I miss them," said Daniel wistfully.  "I miss the team, being together all the time." 

Jack nodded.  "Yeah.  Me, too." 

Daniel's heart started pounding.  He could see the hunger in Jack's eyes as he stared back at him. 

 Sitting up straighter in the recliner, he stared at his former commanding officer. 

"You could have it back, Jack.  You can ask Hammond to rescind your retirement and have your place back on SG-1.  You know he'd give you that in a heartbeat, and you deserve it.  You still want it.  I know you do.  I can see it in your eyes." 

Jack aimed his gaze down to the paper and he started moving the cutouts around again. 

It was a long time before he spoke, and his voice was thick and heavy. "Not without you, Daniel.  You know how I am about scientists." 

Swallowing down his emotions, Daniel nodded.  "Yeah.  Sam and I were the only ones you could stand.  I guess you did the right thing.  But if you wanted to go back, I'd be okay with that." 

He waited for Jack to make eye contact again.  "Just so you know." 

Those brown eyes were steady and warm.  "I don't need your permission, Daniel," he returned quietly, his voice still husky. "I'm doing what I want to do. What I've needed to do for a long time. I just… I hope you can learn to be happy riding a desk.  First contact was pretty exciting compared to research and mission prep, and when it's not a voluntary choice…" 

"I'll get used to it," Daniel promised.  “If you can, I can.” 

He offered Jack what he hoped was a comforting smile, because he obviously needed it. 

"It'll be okay.  We'll still be saving the world -- just doing it from behind the scenes now." 

Nodding, Jack lowered his gaze back to the paper.  "And you do it better than anyone." 

Warmth and affection filled Daniel.  He watched Jack work for another moment, then thought he might be staring.  He finally grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. 

“You okay with me going back to work tomorrow?” asked Jack quietly a little while later. 

“If you’ll help me out of bed tomorrow before you go, I should be fine till you get home.”  Daniel eyed his friend. “I’ll miss you, though.  It’ll be quiet around here without you.” 

He had meant that earnestly, never in a million years imagining that innocent sentiment would result in that look on Jack’s face. 

It was all warm and soft and surprised, and then instantly gone, as if Jack had realized he’d let something human show. 

That warmed Daniel all the way down to his toes, and he smiled hugely. 

He thought to himself that a man couldn’t ask for a better friend than Jack O’Neill.  Jack knew that Daniel cared for him deeply, just as he knew Jack cared for him in the same way. 

He turned his mind back to the television, safe and happy in the comfort of their friendship.

 

* * *

 

 

**28 May**

**The Next Day**  

“You’re sure you’ll be okay here by yourself?” asked Jack worriedly, keys in hand. 

Daniel lay propped up on the den sofa, soft pillows behind his back, remote control in hand. He waved it at the coffee table, where his medications, cell phone, several bottles of water, stacks of books and his laptop waited with his first real work in almost two weeks. 

“I’ll be fine, Jack,” he assured his friend. “You’re only gonna be gone half a day, and I need to start taking care of myself anyway. If I need something, I’ll get up and get it. If it’s too much for me, I promise I’ll wait till you get home or call you if it's urgent.” 

He made a shooing motion with both hands.  “Now go to work.” 

Jack frowned, concern in his eyes. “Okay, but if you need anything, call me, okay?  I can be here in a half hour.” 

“Of course, Dad,” Daniel teased. He leaned over and picked up his cell phone off the table, holding it up for Jack to see. “I’ve got everything in reach, all right? Go. Shoo. Off to work. Take a load off Hammond.” 

With a silent nod and a final smile, Jack turned and left the house. 

Daniel sighed with relief, listening for the truck starting up and taking off down the street.

When he was sure Jack was gone, he dialed Information and got the number for a taxi. He scheduled to be picked up and got an estimated time of arrival, then gave himself time to get out to the curb to meet the car. He knew Jack would throttle him if he ever found out about this trip, and had worked out the timing in his head for a couple of days before attempting it, hoping he could make it through without any complications. 

His shirt pocket was full of the cards that had come with the flowers, as reminders to the florist. He headed down to the shop that had made all the deliveries, intent on an investigation of his own.  

He was sweating from exertion and pain as he hobbled inside the store, leaning heavily on his walker. A middle-aged woman in a red smock came to the counter to meet him. She looked friendly and cheerful, and there was a gleam of sympathy in her eyes as she smiled at him. 

“Can I help you, sir?” she asked warmly. 

With a smile, Daniel pulled the cards from his pocket and held them out to her. “I hope so,” he returned, trying to hold back the excitement of possibly solving the mystery in the next few minutes. “My name is Daniel Jackson, and I’m trying to find out who’s been sending me these flowers. I’m sure you know who it is. They’re very unusual arrangements. Tree branches, exotic flowers, silk flowers, and pictures of flowers.” 

Barely glancing at the cards, the woman laughed softly and shook her head, eyes twinkling. “So, you’re the one! Oh, honey, I’d love to tell you, but I can’t. I’ve been sworn to secrecy.” She made a motion with her fingers across her mouth, as if zipping her lips closed, and passed the cards back to Daniel. 

Daniel cocked his head, gave her his best smile and blinked innocently at her. “Aw, come on. Just a hint? A little description? I’ve gotta know!”  He waggled his eyebrows at her. 

The florist nodded. “I was told that you love figuring things out, solving puzzles, and that this would be a good one.” She chuckled and crossed her arms across her chest, obviously having a good time with this little game. “I guess your secret admirer was right. It must be driving you crazy.” 

“Yeah, it is.” He sighed dramatically and glanced down at his injured leg, covered with a pair of loose-fitting sweat pants, his still-swollen bare foot peeking out from beneath the cuff and the walker in his grip both testifying to the fact that he was injured. “I’ve just been in so much pain, you know, with the injury and all…”

He glanced up at her with a pleading look, hoping the pitiful whine he’d added to his voice would garner some sympathy. The name embroidered on her smock announced her as Helen. “Have mercy, Helen. Just a little hint, huh?” He shamelessly batted his eyelashes at her and looked at her over the rims of his glasses. 

Helen shook her head, her smile widening, eyes dancing with merriment. “Sorry, Doctor Jackson. I’m just _dying_ to tell you, but I can’t. _Really_. I was told you’d be quite charming and persuasive when you came by, and that you are. But I’ve given my word, and I can’t break it.  

“Would you like to take today’s arrangement with you, or shall I have it delivered to you later? It’s scheduled for this afternoon.” 

Hope deflated, Daniel sagged a little against the walker. “Deliver it later, if you don’t mind. Thanks.” 

“Hope you feel better soon,” Helen called. She came out from behind the counter and rushed to open the door for him. “Bye, Doctor Jackson, and good luck with your little mystery!” 

“Thanks.”  

Daniel hobbled back out to the waiting cab for the drive back to Jack’s house, paid the taxi and made his way slowly inside.

 He felt like he’d run a marathon.  He sank onto the living room sofa, sweating and out of breath, wishing he’d been less adventurous, and hurriedly pulled the bottle of pain medication out of the pocket of his sweat pants. He shook one tablet out and swallowed it dry, keeping his seat on the sofa to stuy the flowers on the deck for a few minutes.  

Glancing out the window, he saw all the various arrangements in their pots and vases on tables and chairs on the deck, where they wouldn’t bother his allergies. He knew he should get up and go back to the den before Jack got home, but he thought that, if he just studied the arrangements a little longer, something might come to him. 

Daniel was still sitting on that sofa and thinking about the flowers when Jack returned from the base. 

“Hi, honey, I’m home,” Jack called from the foyer. “Daniel? Where are you?”

He stepped into the living room and spied the other man on the couch. “There y’are! You hungry? Need to pee? Want some company? And why the hell aren’t you in that little doohickey the docs sent home with you?” 

“Hi, Jack,” Daniel said absently, still staring out the window.  “I’ll go back to the den in a minute. I’m okay here for now.” 

He chewed on his lower lip.  “Who _is_ she? This is driving me crazy.” 

Jack stopped three paces into the room. “She, who?” 

“The woman who’s sending me all those flowers.” Daniel gestured toward the window, still thinking, contemplating the identity of his secret admirer. 

When he turned back to look at his host, Jack was gone, disappeared somewhere into the rest of the house. 

Daniel shrugged and got up to hobble back into Jack’s den. Taking a seat on the sofa, he settled his leg into the CPM and switched it on, then pulled his laptop onto his thighs and went back to his work.

If Jack knew, Daniel was sure he would tell him. Only Jack wasn’t talking. In fact, he hadn’t been talking much for the last week, unless they had visitors.  He’d just been seeing to Daniel’s needs, helping him around the house and speaking in answer to Daniel’s questions when it was just the two of them in the house. 

Otherwise, Jack had been unnaturally quiet lately, seeming kind of sad about something. 

Maybe his retirement was making him feel old or unnecessary. If that were the problem, it was Daniel’s duty and privilege as his friend to cheer him up. He wanted Jack to be happy, especially now that the pressure was off him for the first time in eight years.

Maybe soon, when Daniel could get around a little better, he’d talk Jack into a fishing trip at the cabin. 

He turned back to his work, smiling up at Jack as he reappeared. 

Jack’s face was drawn, his eyes hooded and dark. 

“What’s the matter, Jack? Something happen at the base?” 

“Nah. Everything’s fine.” He turned away after setting a cup of coffee down for Daniel on the nearby table. 

“Then why is your sense of humor MIA? Why’ve you been so down for the last week?” Daniel set his work aside. 

Jack didn’t reply. He started to leave the room, then half turned, not quite looking at his friend. “Just got a lot on my mind, Daniel. Nothing for you to worry about. I’ll go make us some lunch.” 

“Wanna talk about it?” Daniel prompted gently. "I'm a good listener." 

“I don’t _do_ that,” Jack shot back with a trace of frustration in his face and voice. “I don’t know how.” 

“So maybe I could help you learn.” 

“Maybe later.” Jack shrugged, his gaze on the floor. “I’m kinda tired and just wanna get something to eat. But thanks. I know you’re just trying to help, and I appreciate that. I really do.”

He returned to the kitchen, silent and brooding as he prepared their meal. He ate in silence and as soon as he was done, he went back into the kitchen to start cleaning up. 

Daniel followed him and took a seat on the living room sofa, gazing out the window at the arrangements, lost in thought, wondering what he could do to help his friend find the peace he so obviously needed.

The flowers caught Daniel’s eye, and he wondered about Jack’s garden, and what that project symbolized for him.   

Daniel’s fine mind drifted aimlessly, identifying each blossom that Sam had pointed out to him. Lilac, ivy, bachelor’s button and passion flower. Ranunculus and heliotrope. Jonquils and red roses. Carolina rose and honey flower.

Sometimes the flowers were freshly cut; sometimes they were live plants potted into interesting little containers. Still others, those that were foreign and exotic or not blooming in the spring, were printed on cards or delivered as inoffensive silk blooms that couldn’t affect Daniel’s allergies. 

Today, the arrangement delivered just after lunch had consisted of long, lacy tendrils of vetch, the bud of a white hothouse rose, another just beginning to open and one full-blown, with a bunch of brilliant blue primroses and a spray of variegated tulips, red ones liberally streaked with white. They were beautiful and unique, and Daniel couldn’t help but feel the sender must be, too. 

“Tell me about your garden, Jack,” he suggested, rising from the sofa and making his way slowly into the kitchen where his friend stood washing the dishes. 

“There isn’t one, yet,” Jack returned brusquely. “Just a couple of lonesome flowers out by the trees and a few pots on the deck. Though that population seems to be growing without much effort on my part. You could open up your own flower shop with all the new potted plants delivered here in the last few days.”   

“I’m guessing it’s something you’ve wanted to do for a long time,” said Daniel warmly, ignoring the subtle reference to Daniel’s secret admirer. 

“Yup.” 

“Do you plan to do it all by yourself, or do you want help?” 

“ _I_ have to do it.” 

“No, you don’t.  Sam would love to help.  Teal’c might enjoy it, too.  When I can get around better, I’d like—“ 

“No.” Jack’s response was short and sharp, with an edge of anger to it. He ruthlessly scrubbed the plate in his hands clean. 

Daniel decided not to press. He sighed, casting around for another angle to try. “What kind of flowers are you planning to plant?” 

“All kinds. Maybe even some weeds, just for the hell of it.” 

“Okay, this is going nowhere,” said Daniel with a sigh of frustration, running one hand through his hair. “I’m trying to get you to talk, just talk, so that maybe you’ll open up to me and tell me what’s bothering you, but you’re being really impossible, Jack! What the hell is wrong? I want to know. I _care_. I’d really like to help, if I can.” 

Jack’s shoulders slumped. His head sagged over the sink. He sighed. When he spoke, the sharpness in his voice was gone, replaced with weariness. “I’m just tired, Daniel,” he said slowly. “Today was hard. I never knew there was so much paperwork in the world, and now half of it’s on my desk, and I’m drowning in it. Just… cut me some slack, okay? I’m not mad at you. I’m just beat.” 

Daniel leaned on his walker and touched Jack’s arm, tilting his head to look into Jack’s face, bent as he was over the sink. “Leave the dishes, then. Go to bed and have a nap. I’ll wake you whenever you want, and we can order dinner out later, maybe Chinese. My treat. Okay?” 

Jack lifted his head and met his friend’s steady gaze. There was so much raw pain in O’Neill’s eyes that it took Daniel’s breath away. Jack nodded, pulled his wet hands out of the soapy water, dried them off on a towel Daniel handed him and left the room. 

Daniel followed him to the bedroom. “Want some pain meds?” 

“No.” Jack stretched out on his uninjured side, facing away from Daniel. 

With a sigh, Daniel rephrased. “Shouldn’t you take something for the pain you’re so obviously feeling?” 

A long silence was his answer. 

“Okay, I’m taking that as a ‘yes.’”  Daniel hobbled into the bathroom, shook out one of Jack’s pills and brought it to the bed. He sat down on the side of the mattress, leaving the walker standing on its own to help him up, and held the pill close to Jack’s lips. “Here. I couldn’t carry a glass of water. Can you take it dry?” 

Jack frowned, opening his eyes to regard his worried friend.  

Daniel was dismayed to see that he looked defeated, hopeless, something he wasn’t accustomed to seeing in Jack O'Neill's eyes. 

 There was such need gleaming back at him from those liquid brown depths that it almost scared Daniel. 

With a sigh, Jack took the pill from Daniel, popped it into his mouth and swallowed it.

“Thank you.”

He lay back on the pillow and stared straight ahead at the wall. 

A lump formed in Daniel's throat. He needed Jack, needed to draw on his friend's strength and support, and right now he didn't think Jack had enough for himself, much less to share with anyone else. 

Daniel swallowed down his fear and put a hand on Jack's shoulder, offering some support of his own. “How long do you wanna sleep?” 

“Gimme two hours.” 

Daniel patted his shoulder, rubbed his back a little. “Okay.  Try to get some rest. See you in two.”   

He stumped back to the den, settled down on the sofa to work and set his laptop to chime in two hours.  His thoughts, however, kept drifting back to his friend.  Jack was good for him, good to him. Daniel didn’t think he’d ever had a better friend in his life. 

He got up and went to the kitchen, prowled through the pantry and refrigerator and decided they could eat in. He checked to make sure they had everything he wanted for a simple meal they could share, something he hoped would lift Jack’s spirits.  Daniel knew this sort of thing often accompanied campouts and tall tales, though he'd never had that experience himself. He thought it might lead to deeper conversation if he could get Jack talking by having a cookout in the living room. 

It was worth a shot, anyway. 

When the laptop chimed, he awakened Jack and stood patiently by while he got up and splashed some water on his face.

Jack said he felt better and went into the den to work on his garden plan for a little while. He still looked detached, distracted, moody, but not knowing what else to do, Daniel gave him his space and let him be.

Daniel pecked away on his keyboard, getting very little actual translating done, since his attention was squarely fixed on Jack. Daniel studied every sigh, every line of tension around Jack's mouth, every long glance off into the distance, trying desperately to read his friend's mind or heart, but he came up blank. He could feel the despair radiating off Jack and knew it was way more than paperwork or the nagging annoyance of his wound. 

This was something lodged in Jack's heart, and Daniel couldn't see in there. Jack had impenetrable walls up between them now, and Daniel couldn't figure that out.

Over the years those walls had gradually disappeared until Daniel had thought he could read him like the Rosetta stone. It had always taken patience and skill to translate the messages, but somehow he’d always managed to figure out what it was that Jack needed, and find a way to help him. 

This time, however, the walls were covered in a script Daniel had never before seen, and there seemed to be no key to the alien alphabet.   

Hours passed, and Jack asked if he was getting hungry.  That reminded Daniel about the surprise he’d planned, so he saved his file on the laptop, set it aside, and stood up. 

“We ordering Chinese?” asked Jack with barely a gleam of interest. 

“Not this time,” Daniel returned with a secretive smile. “I thought of something else. Something fun.”  

He stumped his way into the kitchen with Jack on his heels, interested now at the hint of something unexpected happening.

“Go away, Jack. I’ll call you when I need help. I wanna do this myself.” 

“But I wanna do something! Let me help.” Jack opened the refrigerator, peering inside as if expecting to see something that hadn’t been there earlier.   

“Out!” Daniel ordered with a smile. “Shoo. You can help me by laying a fire in the fireplace.” He pointed into the living room, and Jack obeyed without another word. 

While Jack was busy with his task, Daniel opened the refrigerator and pulled out a package of franks, putting a corner of the plastic packaging between his teeth to carry it to the prep area. He set the squeeze bottle of mustard, a jar of sliced jalapeños and a jar of pickle relish onto the tiny sliver of counter between the refrigerator and the sink. He opened one of the bins and took out a package of shredded cheese and then got an onion from the vegetable crisper. Putting both the cheese and franks packages back into his mouth, he stepped out of the open refrigerator door, closing it behind him. 

Carefully, he moved the walker to the left as far as he could manage and still reach the counter, then set the other items on the far side of the sink.

Gradually he worked his way left along the kitchen counter until he could reach the plates in the cabinet and the pantry. He set the cheese and franks down with the jars, then peeled and chopped the onion. Then he put everything they'd need onto serving plates, along with a pan for the chili, their soft drinks in chilled cans, and a bag of potato chips.

He knew he couldn't carry anything other than the chips, but it would be less work for Jack to have to do if everything were all arranged and simply needed transport.   

Once Daniel had the makings for the hot dogs, he pulled a box of graham crackers and marshmallows from the pantry, fetched some of Jack's shish kebab skewers out of the utensil drawer, and dug into his personal stash for a handful of Hershey bars.

His mouth watered as he thought of roasting the marshmallows over the open fire until they were charred outside and squishy inside, then placing them onto a slab of chocolate between the graham crackers. The hot marshmallows would melt the chocolate and make a gooey, messy treat that he thought Jack would love.

They would have hot dogs for dinner, followed by old-fashioned s’mores for dessert.  

“Come and get it,” he called, hobbling to one side to make room for Jack to fetch the trays. 

Jack grinned as soon as he saw the spread. His eyes glimmered with pleasure as he looked at Daniel. “Living room picnic, huh? Sweet.”  

He carried the trays, implements, and goodies into the living room and set everything out on the coffee table and hearth. Then he went into the den to fetch a hassock for Daniel’s seat, pulling it up close to the fireplace where he could lean over and reach the flames with his skewer. 

Daniel used the walker to help lower himself to the hassock, his damaged leg stretched out to one side.  He speared a couple of franks and started roasting them. 

Jack sat down on the other side of the hearth and stuck a skewer through a closed bun, toasting it over the flames while Daniel watched him with a grin.   

After a few minutes, Daniel could tell by the reduced number of lines in Jack’s face that he’d made the right choice.  

They “camped out” in the living room and told stories about their childhoods, fun ones that lightened both their moods and made Jack smile.  It all made Daniel feel like he’d finally come home, as if sharing that simple meal with Jack meant he now belonged there somehow. 

Daniel was aware of a sense of inner peace that he’d never before experienced.  He began to think that, even with his changed status at the SGC, things might just turn out okay after all.  For the first time in weeks, he had hope in his heart.  

“This was great,” Jack said softly, patting his full stomach with both hands. “Thank you. It was just what I needed.” 

“Yeah,” Daniel agreed. “Me, too. This was fun.  You’ve done so much to make me feel at home here, and I just wanted you to feel better, to enjoy yourself after all the work you’ve done for me.”  

He noticed a little smear of melted chocolate and marshmallow on Jack’s lower lip and pointed to his own face.  "Um, you've got a little stuff right there." 

Jack wiped his lip and then glanced down at his sticky fingertip.

 He licked it off, his gaze flicking back up to Daniel’s eyes.

 Something in those whiskey-brown depths was burning, a low flame that Daniel perceived as warmth and affection, tinged with humor. It made him feel warmer inside, too. 

“It really _was_ fun,” Jack said, looking almost surprised but very pleased.  “I haven’t done this since I was a kid.” 

Jack smiled shyly and dipped his head, getting carefully up from the hearth where he’d been sitting.  “I’ll just start cleaning up. We made quite a mess here.”

He gathered up the long, shiny aluminum kebab skewers they’d used to grill their franks and marshmallows, picked up the nearly empty package of franks and the bun wrapper and headed to the kitchen.   

Daniel noticed how he was walking, favoring his injured side. His movements were slow, and he paused between tasks.

Jack shouldn’t be taking care of anyone but himself at the moment, and that made Daniel feel incredibly guilty. 

A lump formed in Daniel’s throat. He’d known the added burden of a helpless guest would be too much work for Jack while he was recuperating himself.  Slowly, he put his things aside, stacking everything neatly on the coffee table, and then got carefully to his feet, wishing he could take the load off Jack, but knowing he couldn’t.  

Walker in place before him, he paused halfway across the living room to call into the kitchen.  “I’m gonna turn in early, Jack.  I’m tired.” 

By the time he made it to the ramp up to the main level of the house, his friend was beside him, standing one step back, ready to assist if needed, but Daniel had been making it up and down the ramp on his own for a couple of days now. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a burden,” Daniel said quietly in the foyer, glancing over his shoulder at the other man still coming up the ramp behind him, guarding him from any potential fall. 

“You’re not heavy, Daniel,” Jack assured him, his voice a deep, soft rumble. “You’re my brother. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

Daniel felt Jack’s hand touch his waist briefly, guiding him toward the bedroom. While Daniel took care of business in the bathroom and changed clothes, he knew Jack would be turning down the bed and turning out the lights except for the bedside lamp.

He was gone when Daniel emerged from the bathroom, and as he stood beside the bed, looking down at it, he wondered if maybe it was time he moved into the guest room, or went back to his quarters on the base. 

That made him a little sad to consider, because he’d grown comfortable with the feel of Jack so near. They’d been tent mates off world for years and knew each other’s sleeping habits as well as any married couple. Throughout the night as they turned and adjusted positions, they brushed up against each other. Often, upon awakening, Daniel would find Jack’s back pressed up against him, or one of Jack’s hands touching his shoulder, his ribs or his hip as if to make sure his bed partner were still there, and still breathing. 

Those accidental touches warmed Daniel, made him aware that he wasn’t alone any longer, and he was reluctant to separate himself from their comforting closeness. 

Maybe tomorrow he’d have a talk with Jack, bring up the move to the other room and use that as a leaping-off point to dig into whatever was bothering his friend. If it were the strain of Daniel’s recovery, he was sure he could manage well enough to move back to the base and look after himself. It wouldn’t be easy – there were still things he couldn’t do for himself, like reaching items on the floor if he dropped something, and he knew he’d never be able to get up without help if he fell.  

He sat on the bed where the covers were thrown back for him and tried to lift his injured leg to scoot back on the bed and get into it under his own power.

Hot pain shot up his leg, and he cried out, groaning and panting in short, grunting breaths. 

He sat there, frozen, clutching at his leg, rocking and struggling to breathe through the agony. 

Jack came into the room just then, his face in full panic. “Daniel! What happened?” 

“Sorry! Sorry. I couldn’t get in bed by myself. God, it hurts!” 

“For cryin’ out loud,” Jack growled roughly, his face filled with sympathy and shared pain. He reached down to Daniel’s ankle and helped him lift his leg, keeping it straight as Daniel scooted backward onto the bed and swung his other leg onto the mattress.

“I thought you said you could do it by yourself now.”  

“Obviously, I was wrong,” Daniel growled right back through teeth clenched in agony. “Shit! I won’t try that again for a while.” He felt how twisted up his face was but couldn’t relax, struggling not to whimper. 

“Pain meds?” Jack carefully fitted Daniel’s leg into the CPM and turned it on. 

“No. I’ll be fine once I can relax.” He slid down in the bed, forehead beaded with perspiration, his breath coming out in tense little grunts.

He struggled to keep from clutching at his leg, forcing his fingers into fists at his sides. 

Jack reached over and caught the blankets with one hand, pulling them carefully over his friend.

He sat for a moment on the side of the bed, then reached down and took Daniel’s glasses off, placing them on the nightstand.

“Let me _help_ you, Daniel,” he requested quietly. “I want to. It’s no trouble, I promise.  I’d tell you if I couldn’t deal with things. Really.” 

Daniel nodded, still waiting for the white-hot lances shooting from knee to hip to lessen. He was breathing hard and sweating, and wished he were better at putting on a stoic face for Jack’s benefit. At times he wondered if his leg would ever heal, but his chest wound was already much better. What had happened to his knee had required rebuilding, not just repair, and that would take longer to heal. He had to be patient with himself and learn to live with his new limitations.   

He put his hand on Jack’s forearm and gave him a fond pat. “I’ll be okay, Jack. I _do_ need you, but I’m determined to learn to take care of myself. I’m never gonna run again, but I’ll be damned if I can’t walk, dress myself and keep my own house. It’s just gonna take time, and I know I’m not there yet.”

He squeezed Jack’s arm and smiled. “You’ve been so patient with me. Thanks for being there. I know I can always count on you.” 

“Always,” echoed Jack, patting him on the shoulder. “You try to get some sleep. I’ll bring your meds in case you need ‘em, and I’ll come to bed in a little while. Okay?” 

“Sure.” 

O’Neill rose and left on silent bare feet. A moment later he was back with a glass of water and a bottle of pills, then gone again after a quiet “good night” passed between them.

Daniel turned out the lamp after he’d gone and lay staring at the ceiling, contemplating all the recent changes in his life.

Once the pain receded, he closed his eyes and finally managed to doze off. 

Awakening with a start, Daniel instinctively reached over to the other side of the bed, concerned to find it empty.

He glanced at the bedside clock, squinting to read the numbers. It was almost midnight, long after Jack’s usual bedtime. 

Daniel started to worry, aimlessly rubbing the sheets where his friend ought to be.

Jack hadn’t looked right for a while now. He seemed a shade too gray, the sparkle in his eyes completely gone until they’d enjoyed that impromptu camp-out earlier that evening.

Daniel knew his friend was healing and that Janet’s prognosis for him was good. Jack would be well soon, back to his normal state of fitness… only something about him just wasn’t right, and Daniel knew it was more than just the change from military to civilian status. 

Carefully, Daniel rolled onto his side as much as he could and pushed himself upright, then released himself from the machine. He carefully swung his legs over the edge of the bed as a counterweight to help him sit up.

Sucking in a pained breath at the movement, he turned on the bedside lamp and reached for his walker.  It took him a minute to gather enough motivation to ease to his feet, straightening up slowly, waiting for the pain to slack off.

It never quite did, really, but at that moment Daniel didn’t care.

Getting up, at least, was much easier than getting into bed. 

He limped toward the door, resting for a moment on the threshold, leaning heavily against the tubular aluminum frame of his walker. The faint wash of light from the lamp made navigating the hallway less frightening, and silvery-blue moonlight was streaming in from the living room, guiding him toward the end of the long hallway.  

The sound of faint music floated toward him, and Daniel wondered if Jack were watching a movie. If so, he might want some company.

Continuing down the hall, he stopped at the door to the den and found it quiet and dark. He continued on his way, searching for Jack and the source of the music.

Pausing near the front door, he rested on the walker again and peered into the living room. 

The light of the full moon shone in through the big windows, the only illumination in the room.

Daniel hesitated, startled by the scene before him.

Jack was barefoot, wearing only his jeans, standing between the two chairs by the picture window, facing his reflection in the glass, his naked back to Daniel, staring out at the moonlit flowers outside on the deck table.  

What rooted Daniel to the spot, what made him hold his breath and hope he hadn’t been heard approaching, was that Jack O’Neill was _dancing._  

The song was slow and compelling, with a soft, melancholy beat like a heart breaking, volume turned down low. He recognized it and listened to the familiar lyrics of _Father Figure_ as he studied the man he thought he knew so well.

 

_That's all I wanted_

_Something special, something sacred_

_In your eyes_

_For just one moment_

_To be bold and naked_

_At your side_

_Sometimes I think that you'll never_

_Understand me_

_Maybe this time is forever_

_Say it can be..._

 

Jack had rhythm. His shoulders swayed back and forth slightly, his hips swinging from side to side as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other and back again, only his heels rising from the floor. His head tipped back, eyes probably closed as he let the music and George Michael’s smooth voice take command of his body.

 

_That's all you wanted_

_Something special, someone sacred_

_In your life_

_Just for one moment_

_To be warm and naked_

_At my side_

 

It was a sensual song, intimate and emotionally charged. Daniel watched as Jack’s hands pulled out of his pockets, those long arms swaying now around his body, expressive hands streaming through the air around his thighs. Fingers spread loosely as they moved, as if caressing something wonderful.

Daniel’s mouth went dry, mesmerized as Jack reached up to embrace himself, head bowed now, hips still moving in a graceful glide.

 

_Sometimes I think that you'll never_

_Understand me_

_But something tells me together_

_We'd be happy_

 

He heard Jack sigh through the quiet music, breath shuddering painfully out of him.

Daniel wanted to go to him, to embrace him and offer comfort, but he couldn’t move. This looked like something personal for Jack, and Daniel felt instinctively that intruding on it would be wrong. He knew he should back off, return to the bedroom and give his friend the privacy he needed.

But Daniel stood transfixed, both by the romantic, plaintive song and by Jack’s reaction to it. 

This was a side of Jack that Daniel had never before seen, and he was intrigued as much as concerned for his friend.

 

_If you are the desert_

_I'll be the sea_

_If you ever hunger_

_Hunger for me_

_Whatever you ask for_

_That's what I'll be_

 

As the last strains of the music faded into the dark corners of the room, Jack stopped dancing.

Slowly, he dropped his face into his hands.

Daniel could see him trembling and heard him take a deep, slow breath.

His head tipped back, hands lowering down to his sides. In a quiet voice, Jack murmured, “God, help me get through this. Give me strength. Feels like I’m dyin’ here.” 

Tears filled Daniel’s eyes as the song started up again, automatically repeating. He gathered himself to make his way down the ramp and go to his friend, but something made him stop.

This was a private moment, and Daniel couldn’t disturb him. He’d intruded enough on Jack’s space, into his home, and he just couldn’t do it again now. 

If Jack had wanted to share his pain, he’d known where to find his friend. He’d chosen to be alone in his sorrow. Whatever the problem was that he wouldn’t talk about, Daniel was sure it had nothing to do with mountains of paperwork. This went deep, and rather than share it, his friend had chosen to suffer in silence, in the dark, with only the sound of beautiful music to comfort him. 

Daniel backed silently into the shadows, turned and made his way slowly to the bedroom, listening to the last strains of that song as it faded and then started up again. He promised himself that he would work harder on his friend, try to draw him out and get him to talk about this burden he was struggling so hard to carry alone.  Even though Daniel didn’t have two good legs anymore, he could still lighten Jack’s load if he’d care to let his friend shoulder part of it. 

Gritting his teeth and moving with great care, Daniel managed to get himself into bed again, carefully fitted his leg into the CPM, and then turned off the light.

Yet as he lay in the darkness of the bedroom they shared, he could not get the image of that dancing silhouette out of his head, or the echo of the anguish vibrating as an undercurrent to the song. Jack was in pain, and Daniel wanted nothing more than to hold him in his arms until it went away. 

Jack had done that for him, ages ago. Now, it seemed, it might be time to return the favor. 

He listened to the faint music, worrying about Jack and wondering what to say to him.

It wasn’t long before the faint beat of the music shut off, and Daniel heard the soft creak of Jack’s feet on the floorboards, padding quietly down the hall.

He appeared in the doorway, a dark shape against the shadows of the corridor. For a moment he just hovered there, possibly trying to ascertain if Daniel were awake or sleeping. 

“Hey, Jack. You okay?” 

Jack moved into the bedroom, heading straight for the adjoining bathroom. “Get some sleep, Daniel.” His voice was deep and soft, husky with emotion. 

When he emerged a few minutes later, the faint minty scent of toothpaste exhaled above the bed as Jack pounded his pillow into submission. 

“Are you mad at me about something?” asked Daniel quietly. 

“I’m fine. Please quit worrying.” 

“Just asking.  I’ve been wondering if my welcome has worn out, and you just didn’t want to tell me.” 

Jack’s hand reached out and settled on Daniel’s shoulder. His fingers patted gently. “No, Danny. I’m not mad at you. I’m enjoying the company. I’m not mad at anybody. I’m just... I can’t talk about it. I don’t know what to say.” 

Daniel turned his head on the pillow, looking at the black shadow that was Jack’s face, moonlight streaming in behind his head, making him a dark silhouette edged in silver and blue. “ _Try_ , Jack. I want to know what’s been bothering you. I want to help.” 

Jack just shrugged and started to drag his hand away. 

Daniel caught it and held it against his chest. “I know it’s hard for you, but you can’t let whatever it is keep eating away at you. Let me help. If nothing else, I can listen, but maybe I can help you figure out a solution.” 

For a moment, Jack was still. Then he moved, sliding closer, snaking his arm over Daniel’s chest and resting his cheek on Daniel’s shoulder. A long, shuddering sigh left him as he hugged Daniel tighter, and then relaxed a little. “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. I’ve tried, and I just don’t have the words.” 

Draping his arm over Jack’s, Daniel gave him a squeeze and a fond pat.  “We’ll talk about it later then,” he offered gently. “I know you’re tired.  Get some sleep.  We’ll try it again this weekend.” 

“ ‘Night, Danny,” sighed Jack. He didn’t move from that position, and soon his breathing testified that he was sound asleep. 

Daniel lay in the darkness, a little shook up by this closeness. Jack was a hugger and had always been so. He liked touching people.  Tonight he’d obviously needed it, needed to feel close to someone he trusted, someone he knew cared about him.

Daniel did that, cared for Jack without reservation. They’d been like brothers for years. 

But now, as they lay cuddled together in the darkness, in bed, Daniel began to recognize that he needed it, too. He enjoyed being close to Jack.

Liked it so much, in fact, that he felt energized by that contact. 

He slipped an arm around Jack’s ribs, very slowly pulling him closer. Daniel snuggled his cheek against Jack’s hair, his eyes still wide open. If Jack woke up, he’d be hard pressed to explain this clutch, but Daniel planned to enjoy it while he could, while it was safe and Jack wasn’t aware enough to protest. He sighed Jack’s name as he closed his eyes, content and comforted, and pressed a small kiss against the silver hair tickling his chin. 

In moments he was asleep, safe and happy at last.

 

* * *

 

 

**29 May**

**The Next Morning**  

Out on the deck, staring out at the yard, Daniel reclined in the shade on one of the chaise lounges, taking a little break from the CPM and indoors. 

Jack had ear protectors on to dampen the roar of the lawn mower, working up a sweat as he cut the grass in long, neat lines.

Daniel wished he could do something to earn his keep, so Jack wouldn’t have to wait on him hand and foot, but until his leg was working better, he did well just getting up and down the ramps morning and evening.  

Ignoring the book in his lap, he let his eyes drift over the beautiful backyard landscape, thick with trees around the perimeter.  

Here and there along the base of the tree line at the back of the yard, bunches of bright spring flowers nodded their colorful heads in the light breeze. Tall splashes of blue stood up behind a tangle of feathery vines dotted with tiny purple flowers, growing right at the base of the nearest trees. Behind them was a stand of mountain ash, their new, pale green leaves winking in the sunlight. Jutting out of the woods into the grassy yard stood a scattering of variegated tulips, the blossoms painted in bold streaks of red and white. Further back, almost lost beneath the dense canopy of trees, a group of brilliant blue primroses glowed in the shade.   

He smiled as he studied the landscaping, thinking how natural the planting looked, almost hidden away in the back of the big yard, but he knew now that Jack had planted everything years back and had taken excellent care of the garden. The plan he’d drawn up was beautiful, with a wealth of unusual flowers, and it would be breathtaking when Jack finished making it a reality.  

Daniel breathed in the pleasant scent of new-mown grass and the perfume of a myriad flowers, glad that his new allergy medicines were working and allowing him to enjoy Jack’s lovely garden. 

His mind was at rest, content, emptied of worry about Jack, their work, or anything else. 

When it came, the revelation was like a sudden awakening that slammed into his belly.

Daniel’s eyes widened. He sat up, adjusted his glasses, and stared, naming off the botanicals as he identified them, making absolutely sure of what he was seeing. 

 _Iris, vetch, mountain ash, variegated tulips, primroses, half a dozen varieties of roses not yet in bloom, cedar trees…_  

He turned to stare at the man mowing the yard, watching the long, purposeful stride, the muscles flexing in those long, lean arms, sweat glistening on Jack’s exposed skin and staining his shabby old college T-shirt. 

Could it be…?  Daniel turned his head to examine the vases of flowers arrayed over the deck table beside him.   

His mind balked at the thoughts that now were rushing in.  Those floral messages had been _romantic_ , speaking silently of secret, passionate, unrequited love. 

Jack O’Neill was arrow-straight. 

There was no way… 

Jack had retired as soon as Daniel was grounded. Was the timing just coincidental, or could it mean far more? Those flowers, Jack’s retirement, his civilian status, his insistence on moving Daniel into his home, into his _bed…_  

“Oh, my God,” Daniel whispered. This mystery was adding up to something entirely impossible. There was _no way_ Jack could be interested in Daniel as… _more_ than a friend. _Was there?_  

Stupefied now, Daniel continued to stare, putting pieces together, remembering little things Jack had said or done, completely innocent if taken at face value but with a different spin, there was a whole subtext that Daniel had missed entirely. 

Until now. 

Oh, he’d known for a long time that Jack cared deeply about him. Everyone on SG-1 was tight with the others. They were family. 

Apparently, amazingly, Jack wanted to take that further, now that he was no longer subject to military regs. 

Was that the _real_ reason Jack had retired? Could Daniel _go_ there? Could he… 

“Oh, God.” Daniel swallowed hard. He turned his gaze to the book in his lap and stared at it, not seeing a word. He pictured the two of them in an embrace and that image felt warm, comfortable, good. He almost craved that, being close to Jack.

They’d been sleeping together off world for years and now in the same bed for almost two weeks. Jack’s body was almost as familiar to Daniel as his own, but the touches they had shared had nothing deeper than friendship connected to them.

Now, though, Daniel wasn’t so sure. 

He pictured himself kissing Jack. Imagined holding him while they kissed. Imagined holding him _naked._  

His heart was pounding in his throat. He swallowed it down, trying to figure this mess out, trying to be sure of his facts. Did Jack _want_ him? For _sex?_  

Something stirred in his groin, leaving him half hard. Chills of fear, excitement, and dread skittered along his arms and shoulders. He shook his head, remembering, heart pounding in his throat, aware of the sweat that had broken out on his face. 

“I can’t _do_ that, Jack,” he murmured aloud, staring at the book. Images from the distant past made him shudder, made his stomach flip over and tie into knots. “Jeez, you want us to be _lovers?_ I…” 

He lifted his gaze back to the man with the mower.  

Jack O’Neill. 

The man who had stood by his side and saved his ass so many times he couldn’t keep count. The man who had pushed him to train harder, react faster, doing his best to keep Daniel alive in the heat of battle.

The man who refused to leave anybody behind.

The man whose name was always first on Daniel’s lips when anything unexpected happened, when he needed direction, when he needed _anything_. 

The best friend Daniel Jackson had ever had, or ever would have. 

Even in death, Daniel hadn’t been able to leave him completely. They were connected on some cosmic level. Daniel had recognized that well before he ascended, and now that he was back… 

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, coming to terms with this shocking revelation about the man he thought he knew so well. 

 _"Someone's got the hots for our linguist."_  

 _"I wish I could tell you, Daniel, but I can’t. I’ve tried, and I just don’t have the words."_  

_The flowers, conveying their own silent messages._

_Jack’s casual little touches, always somewhere close in the bed they’d shared for almost two weeks._  

 _In the bed Jack had_ insisted _they share._  

Daniel’s eyes grew round with certainty. Leaning back in the chaise, he closed his eyes and went back over their long history together, looking for clues to when the tide had turned, trying to piece together when Jack might have started to feel something deeper for him.

He examined his own heart and the place inside it that was Jack’s, surprised to find there was nowhere in his soul that didn’t resonate with the echo of that name.

He began to wonder if, just maybe, he might be a little bit in love himself. 

 _“Translate the codex_ ,” he remembered aloud.

Slowly, carefully, he rose and set his book aside, hobbling back indoors with his ever-present walker.

 He made his way to Jack’s office and logged onto the internet on his laptop, called up his favorite search engine and entered “language + flowers.” 

One by one, he began to decode the arrangements, memorizing the translations, stunned at the messages as they became clear. 

_I have a message for you, of true friendship._

_If you love me, you will find me._

_Your presence softens my pains._

_You occupy my thoughts._

_Devoted love._

The last two messages were: 

 _I love you,_ represented by a single red rose in a bud vase, followed by a note card with a picture of a common weed known as Shepherd's Purse: _I offer you my all._  

Jack had certainly done that, and asked nothing in return. 

Daniel bookmarked the site in his private folder and shut the computer down.

He stopped by the bathroom and then lay down on their bed, thinking about this revelation.

He needed to confirm it before he attempted a reply, just to make sure he was seeing things correctly. Jack would tell him, if Daniel were observant, with his eyes, with the things he couldn’t say with his lips, but plainly told with his body.    
Daniel was good at learning languages, and he was a long-time student of the subtleties of Jack O’Neill. It would take some time, but he thought he’d be able to read the messages clearly enough, now that he knew where to look and what he was seeing.

And once he was sure, he’d have to think about whether or not he could do this. He wasn’t at all certain that he could. 

“You okay?” asked Jack as he came in from outside, his body glistening with sweat. He stripped off his T-shirt and headed for the bathroom, his eyes on Daniel. 

“Yeah. Just thinking about some things,” he replied as casually as he could manage. “How do you feel after mowing? Need some meds?” 

“Tylenol, maybe. It’s not bad.” He stood in the bathroom doorway, shirt balled up in his hand, one leg bearing his weight. His expression was carefully guarded, giving away nothing. 

“We’ve got the whole weekend, Jack,” Daniel reminded him. “Maybe we should try talking some things out.” 

Immediately the walls came up behind those brown eyes, and Jack turned away.

“I’ll be fine,” he said before he shut the door. The shower sounded a moment later. 

Daniel imagined Jack undressing and stepping under the water. He’d seen the other man naked before in the base showers and never felt the slightest interest. But he was aware that that was then and this was now.

This new knowledge changed everything. 

Curious, scared, and more titillated than he cared to admit, Daniel got up, hobbled into the office, logged onto the internet again, and started researching gay sexual practices. He ordered a couple of books, serious academic studies, about the hazards and joys of sex between men. He blushed at the pictures he uncovered and tried to imagine himself and Jack doing those things. Some of it he could handle.

Some of it he couldn’t, and there were valid reasons for that. 

If Jack wanted to be lovers, he’d have to accept the limitations Daniel set on the relationship. There was no way Daniel would let Jack penetrate him, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to do that to Jack, either. Daniel simply wasn’t sure he could be attracted to a man, no matter how hard he tried. 

Then again, it had been a very long time since he’d had sex with anyone, and he still wasn’t sure that was what Jack wanted. He’d have to wait and see, and avoid jumping to conclusions.

If, however, he were correct in his assumption that Jack _was_ his secret admirer, Daniel would have to be prepared to take the next step with him and see where the journey into this unknown territory took them.

 

* * *

 

 

**31 May**

**The Next Day**  

Jack opened his eyes, all too aware of the erection announcing his need to visit the bathroom. He lay with his arm around Daniel’s waist, his belly pressed up against Daniel’s hip. He could smell Daniel’s familiar scent, and his head was turned toward Jack, his cheek resting against Jack’s forehead.   

Carefully, he withdrew and unwrapped himself from his bedmate, pausing a moment to look into Daniel’s relaxed face before he rose. 

Daniel smiled as he dreamed, dimples flashing, and reached over toward Jack’s pillow, his hand seeking him out.

He slept on, restless for a moment, then sliding back into much needed slumber. 

Jack rose and padded into the bathroom, willing his morning hard-on away. He relieved himself, and then, when he stepped into the shower, his thoughts turned back to holding Daniel, and he got another rock hard erection. He tried to ignore it, but the constant barrage of images of Daniel’s face smiling at him made him grow painfully hard.  

He put his hand to his shaft then and stroked himself to completion, remembering the night he’d held Daniel in his arms and slept with him like that.

When he finished, panting and trembling beneath the hot water, he wept softly, ashamed that he felt that way about Daniel.

As far as he knew, Daniel didn’t have a clue what was going on with his roommate and friend.

Either Daniel hadn’t gotten the message, or he had and, once he realized who his secret admirer was, he’d decided not to answer, to leave things as they were between them.  

It was a very big possibility that Daniel didn’t want that kind of a relationship with Jack, yet didn’t want their friendship to end, either. So Jack found himself stuck between friendship and love, unable to show Daniel how he really felt, but unwilling to force his heart back into the simple friendship they had shared for so long. He just had to be patient and wait for Daniel to decide what he wanted to do.

That, or learn to be happy with things just as they were. 

When he finished drying off and left the bathroom to dress for the day, he was aware of Daniel watching him.

All morning, Jack felt the other man’s eyes on him. He wondered if Daniel were looking for some clue to what was disturbing his friend, since he’d been gently nagging about that lately.  

Finally, Jack had the relief of going to the base for a half day, which he stretched out into a full eight hours. It was hard on him and he was beat when he got home, but Daniel had dinner ready and made Jack rest for the remainder of the evening.

He had even had both of the CPMs picked up and returned to the base during the day, so Jack wouldn’t have to move the unit from their bed, now that Daniel didn’t need it anymore. 

All evening Jack was hard pressed to keep up his resistance, to avoid reaching out to Daniel whenever he felt the need.

God, he wanted to touch him all the time now, to hold his hand or elbow when he helped Daniel out to the truck for trips to the base infirmary for checkups or therapy, to put his arm around Daniel’s shoulders when they sat watching television on the den sofa, or sneak his bare feet against Daniel’s beneath the dining table when they ate their meals. 

In bed every night, Jack wanted to pull Daniel close and wrap his arms around the man, cuddle him up and drift off to sleep together. In the mornings, when he awakened with his usual hard-on, it was a source of embarrassment for him now because his first thought upon waking was holding Daniel. Coupled with an erection, that took his mind to dangerous places, places Jack wasn’t sure he could allow himself to go. 

The closeness wasn’t making things any easier for Jack, and he was going to have to move Daniel to the guest room or find a way to tell him the truth, if he didn’t figure it out for himself soon. 

That night, Jack slid under the covers with a sigh, pleased that Daniel had turned in early and was already asleep.

Now Jack felt he could finally let his guard down. He scooted as close as he dared, clasped his hands behind his head, then closed his eyes.

Immediately, Daniel adjusted his position, turning on his side and snuggling up to Jack. His arm slipped around Jack’s waist and his cheek settled against Jack’s shoulder, his breath coming out in warm, slow gusts against Jack’s chin. He could feel Daniel’s pajama clad leg against his, Daniel’s groin pressed against his hip.    

 _I love you, Daniel,_ Jack said in his mind _. I didn’t mean to, but I do._  

His dick responded, rearing up inquisitively inside his sweat pants. Carefully, Jack lowered his right arm to embrace Daniel’s shoulders and snuggle him closer. He ignored his erection and eventually it went down on its own, leaving his balls aching and unsatisfied. There was no way he was going to touch himself while Daniel was in his arms, so he’d just have to suffer blue balls and relieve the pressure in the shower in the morning. 

 _This,_ Jack thought, dropping a kiss on Daniel’s hair, _was all he really needed. That Daniel cared for him and trusted him this much... it was enough._

He closed his eyes and slept. 

 

* * *

 

 

**7 June**

**A Week Later**

Daniel closed the book on gay sex, now armed with enough knowledge that he could make a decision. He rose, tucking the tome carefully under one arm, and went into the spare bedroom. He hid the book with the other two he’d ordered on the same subject and sat down on the bed.

It had taken some doing and careful observation, but Daniel was certain of his conclusion now. He’d intentionally feigned sleep one night when Jack had come to bed late. Daniel had purposefully cuddled up against him to see if Jack would wake him and push him back over to his own side of the bed or hold him closer, and Jack had cuddled and kissed him.

 That told Daniel plenty, and coupled with the boner Jack got and tried to hide, the message was pretty clear.  

For most of the last week, Daniel had flirted with Jack, pouring on all the charm he could manage at every opportunity. He’d succeeded in making Jack smile and laugh, reawakening his sense of humor and restoring Jack to his usual irreverent self. Daniel had made sure to touch his friend more often, a brush of the hand across his back as he squeezed by him in the bathroom, holding onto his arm and taking a few practice steps without his walker, crowding him in bed.

All of it had had the desired effect, and Jack had responded to it with delight.   

Daniel knew he could just continue that behavior and take it no further, but the more he thought about it, the more he understood it wouldn’t be fair to Jack to have what he needed dangling forever just out of reach. Daniel needed to commit to a full-blown romantic relationship, or tell Jack that he knew how he felt and that Daniel just wanted to be friends. 

The more Daniel thought about it, however, the more certain he was he needed Jack in his life, close like this, or even closer.

Since coming home with Jack from the hospital, sleeping with him every night, living in his personal space, Daniel had begun to realize that he truly _was_ home, where he belonged. 

 _With Jack._  

If that meant kissing him and having sex with him, Daniel thought he could do that, within certain limits. As long as Jack was happy, Daniel Jackson would be happy as well. Only in the last week, since he’d made Jack smile, had Daniel truly felt complete.

That told him everything about their relationship that he really needed to know.  

So now he had to compose his answer to the messages he’d received. A glimpse out at the garden told Daniel he didn’t have all he needed to reply, so he called up some of the local silk plant retailers and an area nursery to inquire about specific flowers he needed. When one wasn’t available, he hunted online and had the other item shipped overnight, printing out a photo of the last one and waiting for his packages to arrive. 

Daniel was glad Jack was at work when the FedEx truck arrived with his shipment.  He hurriedly unpacked the boxes, delighted to see that everything he needed had arrived.   

Cutting the last iris bloom from Jack’s garden, Daniel returned to the kitchen to arrange the flowers.  He washed one of the tall vases that had come from the florist’s shop and put the iris in it, then added the silk flowers and tied on a used bow from one of the arrangements on the deck. He set it on the dining table with the little potted flowers to wait for Jack to get home.  

Beside the arrangements he set two candles and as soon as he heard the truck pull up into the driveway, he hurried to light them and start the stereo, playing that George Michael song that had inspired Jack to dance so many nights ago. 

He pulled the drapes in the living room windows to darken the room.   

With a last glance at the display, he hit the light switch in the dining room, leaving it illuminated mostly by candlelight. 

Back in the kitchen, Daniel busied himself with finishing dinner preparations, waiting for Jack to come in and take notice. 

“I’m home, Daniel,” Jack called from the front door, chunking his keys onto the entry table and locking the door after himself. 

“In the kitchen,” Daniel shouted back, turning the oven off. He wasn’t really hungry. His stomach was too full of butterflies.  

He glanced at the other man as he stepped into the dining room and watched Jack’s eyes go to the flickering candles and the flowers. 

Daniel watched him go over to the table and pull out a chair, sitting down without a word, his face a blank mask. 

As the music Jack had danced to that night played softly in the background, he turned the vase in a slow circle, looking at the arrangement from every side.

“It’s beautiful,” he murmured wistfully as Daniel limped up beside the table, leaning heavily on his walker. 

A blue iris was flanked by a bunch of bright pink silk Sweet Williams in a vase beside a small potted Rose Angel, with a picture of a Venus Flytrap dangling from the ribbon around the vase. 

 _I have a message for you. Will you dance with me? Will you smile? I am caught at last._  

“This was your last iris,” Daniel admitted shyly. “The Rose Angel was handy at a nursery, but Sweet William bloom in the summer so I had to get silk ones. The one in the picture... that was a little hard to come by on short notice, so I made do.” 

For a moment, Jack sat perfectly still, holding his breath. He inhaled slowly, letting it out in a ragged sigh. “You know, in Victorian days, the giving of flowers—“ 

“—Had meanings attached,” Daniel finished for him. He put one hand on Jack’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. “I know, Jack. Took me a while to figure it out, but once I _translated_ the _codex_ …” 

“You kept quiet about it. I figured it went over your head, or you decided to leave the messages unanswered.” He kept his gaze averted, reaching out and fingering one of the delicate iris petals thoughtfully. 

Jack apparently couldn’t bear to look at him, no doubt afraid to see Daniel’s expression.   

“I _got_ the messages,” Daniel assured him. “I just couldn’t figure out who was sending them. I interviewed the florist who made the deliveries, even batted my eyelashes and flirted my brains out, trying to get her to give me a hint, but she just smiled and told me I needed to figure it out for myself.” 

A tiny grin slid across Jack’s face, but he still didn’t look up. “Your eyelashes are a sin, Daniel. You could send a man straight to hell with ‘em.”

His sobered as he let go of the flower, resting his hand on the table, his face coloring slightly with embarrassment. 

Daniel hesitated. “And then when I did finally translate the codex a few days ago, I had a lot to think about.” 

He squeezed Jack’s shoulder again, trying to encourage him. 

“Look at me, Jack.”  

When Daniel’s quiet command was ignored, he slipped his fingers beneath Jack’s chin and lifted it, demanding eye contact.

He could see the fear plainly in those chocolate brown depths. Jack O’Neill afraid was a startling concept, and the importance of that event was not lost on the linguist.

He moved closer, the walker touching Jack’s thigh as Daniel stood beside Jack’s chair. 

Jack’s face was slack except for his eyebrows, tented up on his forehead in a hopeful arch. His eyes were huge and liquid, filled with a softness Daniel had never before seen.

That expression shook Daniel to the core, because he knew that, at that moment, Jack’s soul was wide open to his own. 

“A few days ago, I was looking around the yard at all the flowers,” Daniel went on, moving his hand to Jack’s hair, smoothing down to his neck. “All the ones that can grow here, that are in season, were in your yard, Jack. Same iris, same tulips and primroses, the cedar, vetch and mountain ash. _‘I watch over thee.’_ That one should have tipped me off, but I was looking for a woman as the source. I never thought… until the pieces of the puzzle clicked.” 

He gently rubbed Jack’s shoulder.  “You could’ve just talked to me, you know.” 

He hoped Jack could see acceptance in his face, and the love he felt gleaming in his eyes. 

“You’re a linguist,” O’Neill countered flatly, his face shuttering closed. “I needed to say it _just_ right, and words aren’t my gift. I told you the only way I knew how.” 

Tears filled Daniel’s eyes and were blinked hastily away. “I’m still not certain I’m reading all this right. I’m not sure what you want, but I’m willing to try to work it out with you.” 

Jack rose slowly, keeping his head down until he completely vacated the chair and stood a step away. Cautiously he lifted his eyes, glistening with fear and longing, and met Daniel’s steady gaze. Without a word, Jack reached out and pulled his friend into his arms, his hands sliding around Daniel’s back and shoulders, the walker pinned awkwardly between them.  

“This whole thing came as a shock to me,” Jack murmured, holding the other man tenderly in his arms. “I didn’t figure you’d be interested in anything… intimate, and... I was afraid to go any further. Still am. But I do want to be with you, in whatever way you want to be with me. Even if it’s just this.” 

Daniel clasped Jack’s shoulders, swaying with him in his dining room.

His heart was pounding in his chest. Fear and excitement wrestled inside him, jockeying for dominance. He wasn’t sure at all of what he was doing, moving purely by instinct and desperately fighting past his heterosexual programming.  

Slowly, he moved his cheek alongside Jack’s until his lips made contact with Jack’s face. He waited a few beats and then drew farther back, until his mouth was at the corner of Jack’s. The other man didn’t tense up, his hands at rest at the small of Daniel’s back.

That touch, in that place, felt incredibly intimate to Daniel. 

Jack wasn’t trying to seduce him; Daniel was sure of that, but those flowers… the messages behind them… He was _certain_ this was the proper subtext, but unsure exactly how to proceed.

Jack had told him enough, but wouldn’t take the lead here.

Only Daniel could do that, and being given that power made Daniel love Jack all the more. 

With infinite patience, Daniel grazed his lips slowly over Jack’s, eyes closed, waiting for a reaction.

Jack’s mouth remained soft and pliant; he didn’t pull away, didn’t resist, didn’t move in for a kiss, just stayed there, letting Daniel initiate everything.

Finally he leaned away, studying those deep brown eyes for… _something_. 

“Is this what you want, Daniel?” asked Jack softly, shyly.  

The longing in Jack’s eyes made Daniel quiver with fear and desire. 

“I don’t know. I’m not sure what you need, Jack. I’m… lost here.” 

“You’re not alone,” Jack reminded him, his fingers moving in slow, gentle circles against Daniel’s lower back. “Right there with you, buddy.” 

“Buddy?” 

Jack’s hands skimmed upward, over his shoulders to clasp Daniel’s face. “I’m not sure what’s going on inside me, Daniel. All I know is, when we were in the infirmary this last time, I did a lot of thinking. I know what it’s like to live without you. I know how much you’ve changed me for the better, and I don’t want to lose you again. When Fraiser said you were grounded, I saw that as a sign that my time was up, too. I wanted to be with you, helping you, taking care of you… Showing you how much I care. I _need_ you, Daniel. I don’t have a clue what all that means, but it’s there.” 

Daniel stared at him, at the hope and anguish in those familiar brown eyes. “Jack… are you… gay?” 

Jack let go and moved away, head down, hand worrying at the back of his neck. “I don’t think so,” he replied honestly. “I don’t get turned on when I look at men. I still get a reaction when I look at women, though I try to keep that to myself since I’m not seeing anyone.”  

He cleared his throat and moseyed into the living room, casting glances behind him as Daniel followed along with his walker, doing his best to keep up. He stopped at Jack’s side, set the walker away from him and reached for the mantel with one hand for support as he hobbled closer. 

Jack took a stance by the dormant fireplace.  Hands pressed against the mantel, he put his head down and stared into the cold hearth. “All I know is, there’s something going on in that place inside me where you live, Daniel. I never… I ache to have you close to me, to just hold you. Sometimes I think about… doing other things with you, when I’m alone in the shower, or in bed with you at night. If that makes me gay, then… yeah, I guess I am.”

He let loose a mournful sigh. 

For a moment, Daniel couldn’t speak. His mind worked furiously to process all of that, tucking it in with the decisions he’d already made about all this.

“Are you in love with me, Jack?” 

Heartbeats loud as drums pounded in Daniel’s ears as he waited for an answer. He found himself wanting desperately to connect with Jack, to touch him, and reached out to lay his free hand on Jack’s shoulder. 

“I think so.” He didn’t turn around at the contact, just continued to stare down into the hearth. “Hell of a thing to happen between us after all this time together, huh? I’ll understand if you… don’t wanna be around me anymore.” 

There it was, out in the open, no secret codes, no unreadable glances, just plain unvarnished truth.

Jack O’Neill had taken down all his walls, stripped himself of his armor, laid himself wide open to Daniel, utterly defenseless and vulnerable.

Daniel was not going to allow this man to be hurt, not when he could prevent it.

He thought he knew just the thing to convey the proper message in answer.   

No flowers this time. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Daniel assured him firmly, hopping a half step closer. He kneaded the nape of Jack’s neck, hoping to comfort him. “I’ll always want you with me, however it has to be. And I was thinking… maybe we should try kissing.”

Daniel felt his face heat up and knew he was blushing. 

“Would you be okay with that?” 

Jack still didn’t turn around, didn’t flinch, obviously too terrified to even hope. “You sure that’s what you want?” 

“I have no idea.” Daniel’s hand settled between Jack’s shoulder blades, massaging him, feeling him begin to relax a little beneath his touch. “But I think we should at least try it. If it’s… If it doesn’t feel right, then we’ll just stick with the holding. If it’s good… then we’ll think about what else might be fun.”

He leaned in closer, bending down a little to try to look into Jack’s face. He needed to see Jack’s eyes, so he could read what was going on inside him, because the walls had come up again.

Jack was protecting himself, putting on his armor, and Daniel wanted it gone. 

“Like sex?”  The question was flat, apparently without the slightest hint of interest.  Jack was still preparing for the pain of rejection. 

“Maybe.  I’m not sure about that yet.  Let’s take things one step at a time.” 

“Good, because the whole 'sex with a guy' thing kinda has me a little… upside down inside.”  He turned around slowly as Daniel’s arms slid around his waist, using Jack’s balance to help him keep his own.  “I mean… I’ve thought about it a lot over the last few days.  Fantasized about it, but I’m not sure I could actually, you know, _do_ it.  Not sure about the kissing, either, but if you wanna try…” 

Their eyes locked.  At the same moment, they tilted their heads to move in – both in the same direction.  As if on cue, they adjusted, once more in unison, same direction.  Soft chuckles escaped them both. 

“Go left,” Jack suggested with a little grin. 

Daniel obeyed, closing the gap between them until their lips almost touched.  His eyes drifted shut, concentrating on the feel of Jack’s warm breath against his lips. He looked into his heart, into that deep place where Jack always seemed to be…

… And let go of his reservations. 

He willingly leapt into freefall.

He pressed his mouth lightly against Jack’s, feeling more than hearing the soft groan vibrating from inside the other man.  At the same moment their lips parted, trembling, inviting each other inside, and Jack’s tongue stroked hesitantly against his, a sweet curl of wet heat inside his mouth, the roughness of slight whisker stubble scraping against chins and cheeks.

It felt good.

It felt _right_.

Fire flared up inside Daniel, heating him up.  He moaned into Jack’s mouth, pressing harder, opening wider, tasting the rich flavor of Jack O’Neill for the first time.  Daniel lost control somewhere during the kiss, his hands clutching at the other man’s back and shoulders and hair, pushing him back with his body until their teeth clashed together, and Jack gave a little shout of surprise down Daniel’s throat. 

Startled, the younger man instantly let go and hopped back a step, bearing all his weight on his good leg. 

He glanced around for his walker and found it too far away to reach and struggled to maintain his balance without it, finally righting himself. “What?  What did I do?” 

Jack was rubbing the back of his neck.  “You knocked me up against the mantle.” He grinned. “Eager, there, Daniel?” 

“I knocked you up?”  Daniel grinned back.  “Wasn’t me.  We haven’t even had sex yet.” 

“And may not _ever_ if you keep that innuendo going.”  Jack’s smile faded.  His eyes were glowing.  “That was… good.  I wasn’t expecting it to be so… hot.” 

Breathing hard, libido fully engaged, Daniel nodded his agreement.  “You’ve got an amazing mouth, Jack.” 

“Backatcha, Danny.”  

“So, now what?” 

“Couch?” 

“Necking?” 

“Oh, yeah.”  He hopped over to the sofa and sat down, leaving space beside him for Jack. The older man eased carefully beside him, mindful of Daniel’s injured leg. 

He slipped his arm around Daniel’s shoulders and gazed into his eyes. 

Daniel couldn’t remember when he’d ever seen Jack so happy.  The man was positively radiant. 

 _Because of me,_ Daniel reminded himself. _Because I love him, and he knows that now. Because he needs me. I’m his happy place._ 

Warmth filled him up inside as he leaned in for a gentle nip at Jack’s lower lip.  Jack kissed him soundly, his hands tender as he stroked and caressed Daniel’s face and body.  It felt wonderful, being touched like that, and Daniel’s initial reservation at being so intimate with another man vanished abruptly. 

 _This was Jack._   Daniel _loved_ him, and as they explored this new dimension to their relationship, he decided it was something he could definitely enjoy. 

The boundaries of a lifetime vanished. 

Daniel felt Jack’s hands trembling as they touched him, so very careful with him, as if he were precious and fragile.  Daniel found himself wanting to let go, to free his passions and let Jack have it, kiss him right through the couch. 

More than that, he wanted to _fuck_ Jack; wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything.  His body responded, and he tried to crawl down Jack’s throat, pushing him back against the cushions, pinning him down with his body. 

Jack held on, his hands growing bolder, seeking and exploring every ridge of muscle and bone that he could reach.  He undulated beneath Daniel, moaning into his mouth.  And he was magnificently hard, his dick rubbing against Daniel’s thigh through the cloth of his pants. 

Daniel was on fire now.  Jack lay beneath him, completely submissive, Daniel’s good leg thrust beneath the sofa cushions for purchase as he climbed on top of Jack.  Images scrolled through Daniel’s mind at light speed: _being naked with Jack in his bed; Jack spreading his legs and reaching for him; Daniel sinking himself balls-deep in Jack’s ass and pounding him into the headboard._  

God, how he _wanted_ that!  The need was sudden, fierce, and fiery. It was the hottest thing Daniel had ever imagined, and he pulled back suddenly, gasping for breath and starving for whatever came next between them. 

He gazed down into those chocolate brown eyes, waiting for a word from Jack. 

Jack panted, his eyes heavy-lidded with desire, lips red and swollen from kissing. 

Daniel could barely think, his fingers sunk deeply into Jack’s hair. 

“Something interesting seems to’ve come up between us,” Jack whispered shakily. 

Both men glanced down simultaneously at their bodies squashed together in a pile on the sofa. 

“Um…” Daniel felt his face heat up and eased off Jack to a sitting position. 

He had to tug at his pants to give his erection space, or it was going to explode. “S-sorry. I… It’s been a long time since I kissed anybody.  I got a little excited.” 

He levered off the couch and went after his walker, putting his back to Jack to try to cool his embarrassment. 

Jack rose and stepped around him, standing on the outside of the walker as Daniel clutched at it.  The intensity of his gaze made Daniel look up.  His eyes were gleaming, pupils so big there was barely a sliver of brown left. 

“I’m not sorry.  Not about anything.  I’m ready, Daniel,” he declared breathlessly. “Whatever you want to do.  I’m all yours.” 

Daniel risked a glance at Jack’s khakis.  The cock that had felt so huge against his thigh proved to be as intimidating as he had imagined as it tented against Jack’s pants. 

“I’m.  I’m.  Um.  We.  You. Let’s…”

He shrugged, unable to form a coherent thought as he stared at the outline of that impressive erection. 

Jack kissed him again, briefly but with plenty of fire. 

His tongue searched Daniel’s mouth and made his single working knee weak. 

He leaned heavily on his walker and sagged against it to keep his balance until Jack’s mouth finally let him go.   

Daniel’s whole world was literally spinning. 

Damn, you’re sexy,” he breathed appreciatively, trying desperately to gather his scattered wits. 

“Let’s go to bed,” murmured Jack, his voice deep and husky. 

“Jack!”  That came out as a startled, terrified little bleat.  “I think we should take this slowly.  There are things I can’t do.” 

“Obviously,” Jack returned gently, glancing down at Daniel’s bandaged leg.  “We have plenty of time, Daniel.  Tonight, just touching. I don’t figure either one of us is up for much in the way of gymnastics.  Okay?” 

He patted the side of Daniel’s neck, his fingers curling around the nape. “Just kissing.  Just touching. Just hands.  I think we can both deal with that.  Okay?” 

Daniel nodded and led the way across the living room and up the ramp, too terrified to think, too excited to want to very much, but both men were perfectly in tune as they entered the darkened bedroom. 

They were horny and scared, eager to experience each other, vibrating on exactly the same wavelength. 

Daniel could feel it, as if he were plugged directly into Jack’s body. 

That though sent a spike of heat straight to his groin, and he almost came in his pants.  

They headed to their respective sleeping spots and began to undress, backs to each other, clothes flying and landing in random piles on the bedroom floor. 

They didn’t look at each other, terror setting in deeply.  

When Daniel was naked, he sat on the side of the bed, breathing hard, wondering what the hell came next.  His senses were on overload, his skin prickled with gooseflesh all over, his cock so stiff and swollen, he felt as if the slightest touch would set it off. He was keenly aware of every breath, every movement from the other side of the bed, and figured Jack was in the exact same state.  

Daniel’s heart was pounding in his chest as he struggled to get his injured leg onto the bed.  He set the walker aside, pushed his body down into the bed and tried to get comfortable, but he couldn’t. There was a naked Jack in the bed beside him, and he had a bum leg to work around. 

Daniel wanted to just climb on top of Jack and go for it, but he couldn’t.  Not yet. 

They lay rigidly on their respective pillows, staring up at the ceiling in unison. 

Daniel let his eyes adjust to the faint moon glow coming through the sheers.  He had excellent night vision, but he needed to see Jack’s face while they touched each other. 

Daniel turned and snapped on the bedside lamp, put his glasses on the nightstand, then looked over at the man who was about to become his lover. 

Jack was still staring at the ceiling, swallowing hard, obviously nervous.   

“You sure you don’t wanna do this in the dark?” asked Jack, his voice raspy with fear. 

“I need to see your face, Jack,” Daniel admitted, shying away from the ugly memory that threatened to break this spellbinding mood. 

As Jack turned his head to gaze at him, Daniel concentrated only on those intense brown eyes and the heat in them.  

Daniel remembered something Jack had said in the living room, and it gave him an opening to get things started.  He cleared his throat nervously. 

“So, you’ve fantasized about us having sex?”  Daniel asked softly. 

That though went directly back to the visuals of him fucking Jack through the mattress.  He grunted a little as his dick twitched painfully.  

“Yeah,” Jack shot back, his voice deep and velvety in the dim glow from the lamp.  “Not that it helps right now. I haven’t done any research, because I figured nothing was going to happen.  I never thought I’d _ever_ be kissing you, much less touching your… ah... dick.” 

Said dick twitched again and demanded attention. 

Daniel reached down and stroked his fingers down the back of his shaft lightly. 

“Well, once I thought I knew what was going on, I _did_ do some research, and I gotta tell you, I’m scared shitless,” he murmured, offering a terrified little smile. 

“Me, too.  Been scared since I started thinkin’ about all this.”  Jack rolled onto his side, facing his bedmate.  He propped his head up on one hand and placed the other on Daniel’s chest beneath the covers. 

His fingers moved gingerly around the wound in Daniel’s upper chest, now almost healed. 

Turning his head on the pillow, Daniel met Jack’s hooded eyes.  “I’m scared because this feels so right, somehow.  I’m afraid I’ll want more.” 

Jack didn’t hesitate, his concerned expression softening into delight.  “Then I’ll give it.” 

His hand moved slowly over Daniel’s belly, across his arm, over his hand, lightly entwining his fingers with Daniel’s around his erection. 

Daniel gasped at the touch, his eyes rolling closed.

“I want to make you happy.  I want to watch you laugh and learn to have fun.  I want you to enjoy life.  You’ve more than earned it.” 

Their hands began to move, stroking up and down. 

“I want to be with you, to share my life with you, because I need you.” 

“Unh, Jack…” Daniel’s eyes closed.  He arched slowly against the pillow, head tossing slowly from side to side, losing himself in the rocking motion of their joined hands.  

Jack scooted closer, pressing his body along Daniel’s side.  “I want to watch you come, Danny. Feel good. Feel sexy, because you are.”  

Daniel let go of himself, bringing both hands up to grasp the pillow beneath his head.  He moaned as Jack continued the rhythm, stroking faster, squeezing harder, then all but letting go and caressing Daniel’s shaft lightly with his palm. 

Daniel pawed at the covers, pushing them off him, kicking them back with his good leg.  He lifted his head and gazed down at himself, and the big, rough hand wrapped around him, working him, loving him.  He crashed back against the pillow with a delighted groan, then turned his head to look into the blazing eyes of his lover. 

“Kiss me, Jack,” he breathed.  “Kiss me while I come for you.” 

Still up on one elbow, poised over Daniel, Jack plunged the fingers of one hand into Daniel’s hair, roughly turning his face to meet his.  Without hesitation, his warm lips came down, devouring Daniel with unleashed passion.  Jack’s teeth scraped his lips.  He greedily sucked Daniel’s lower lip into his mouth.  His tongue explored every surface inside Daniel’s mouth while his hand made magic against Daniel’s cock.  

He thrust himself into that wonderful, rough grip, aware that he was losing control, that Jack was milking him, bringing him to climax and awestruck by that miracle. 

He came with the force of a sledgehammer, and Jack swallowed his cry of ecstasy, kissing him so deeply he was pressed down into his pillow until he could hardly breathe. 

Daniel was panting when Jack pulled away, trying to catch his breath between kisses.  “Oh, that was… Whoa, Jack!  _Damn_.  It’s been too fucking long.” 

As Jack reclined against him, Daniel realized that Jack’s hard cock was pressing against his hip. 

He smiled and reached for his new lover, eager to explore more of this new dimension of their relationship.  “C’mon, get on top of me, Jack.  Do it against my belly.” 

Jack shook his head.  “I’ll hurt you.  You’re not well enough yet.” 

“I’ll tell you if you hurt me.  Just try it.  I want to see what it feels like.” 

O’Neill shook his head.  “No, Danny.  Be patient.  We’ve got plenty of time to work all this out. Things we want to try, things we don’t.  It’s okay to tell me no, you know.” 

“I know.”  Daniel reached down between them and grasped Jack’s cock.  He smiled as the other man sucked in a sharp breath at the contact.  “Turnabout, then.  Relax.  It’s our first time together,” he murmured, “and I don’t want either of us to ever forget it.  Let me love you.  I want to watch you come, now.” 

Jack happily obeyed with a sigh that turned quickly into huffs and grunts of pleasure, followed soon by a hoarse shout as he spilled his load all over Daniel and collapsed back onto the bed. 

Daniel found himself grinning from ear to ear.  He looked down at himself, streaks and puddles of semen on his chest and belly, with similar deposits on Jack’s body. He lay back against the pillow and waited for the endorphins to lose their hold on his brain so he could think again. 

“Wow,” he whispered.  “We just jacked each other off.” 

“Mmmmmm,” Jack blissfully intoned.  

Risking a glance at his lover, Daniel saw a wide, satisfied smile plastered on Jack’s face. 

“We just had _sex,”_ Daniel reiterated. 

“Mmm-hmmm.” 

Daniel lowered his voice, a little embarrassed and titillated to admit, “We were fucking.” 

Jack’s eyes rolled slowly open, and he turned his head to regard his new lover.  “Tonight’s the first time I’ve ever heard you use that word,” he murmured, grinning broadly.  “I think I’m gonna like hearing you talk dirty.” 

He rose up on one elbow and leaned over Daniel, his left hand reaching behind Daniel’s nape and holding him while Jack kissed him tenderly. 

Never in his life had Daniel felt so treasured, so deeply loved. 

As Jack pulled away, his fingers stroked Daniel’s sweaty hair away from his face.  “We’re gonna have to take it easy for a while, you know,” he whispered. “Can’t be jostling your leg all around, so you’re gonna have to stay mostly still while we do this. Okay?” 

“Yeah.  I know, Jack.”  He grinned.  “But once I’m well, I wanna fuck you senseless.  Nail you to the mattress.” 

For a moment, Jack didn’t move, his expression unreadable.  Then a slow smile spread across his mouth and he nodded, his eyes gleaming with love.  “Whatever you want, Daniel.” 

“It’s what you want, too, isn’t it?” 

Jack nodded.  He dragged his gaze down from Daniel’s eyes to his chest.  Jack’s hand released its gentle grip on Daniel’s neck and slid down to the middle of his chest, his fingers splaying out over his heart.  _“This_ is all I want, Daniel,” he whispered.  “The rest is just icing on the cake.” 

The thought of Jack submitting himself so completely to Daniel filled him with warmth and peace, but the stickiness gluing their bodies together was an unpleasant reminder of what they’d just done.  Suddenly Daniel’s awareness shifted to his skin, the smell of sex strong in his nostrils.  Old unpleasant memories sprang to the surface, and he wanted to get up and bathe. 

He wriggled out from under Jack with a nervous smile.  “I suppose we should clean up,” he observed, glancing down at the semen puddles sliding down his chest and pooling up on Jack’s.  “I’ll be back in a little while.  There’s dinner in the kitchen, if you want to eat.” 

Jack took the hint and let him up.  “I’ll go see if it’s turned to charcoal yet,” Jack teased, sitting up.  

“Hey, I turned the oven off!” Daniel shot back with a grin.  With a sigh of fulfillment, Daniel struggled to get out of bed with his good leg threatening to give, his limbs still not wanting to work just yet. 

“Wow. I never thought I’d _ever_ be doing this. Funny thing is, I really liked it.” 

“Copy that,” Jack returned automatically.  He rose easily and went to the bathroom, flipping the light on and grabbing a washcloth to clean himself up. 

By the time Daniel made it to the bathroom, Jack had washed himself off and retreated to the bedroom to put on some sweats.  “I’ll finish getting dinner ready.” 

Daniel turned the faucet on and leaned his butt against the sink while he washed, rinsed out the cloth and washed again.

After a moment he looked up, feeling Jack’s attention on him.

Jack was just standing there in the bedroom, head cocked, warm eyes aglow with love.  

“I never dreamed this could happen,” he said quietly, staring into Daniel’s eyes. “I never thought I’d want another man like this. You’ve always seemed to have a knack for turning my world upside down, Daniel Jackson.  In all the best possible ways.” 

“And as much as you’d like to pretend you’re not a thinker, you challenge me more than anyone else ever has.”  Daniel beamed happily.  “In all the best possible ways.”  

Jack came to him then and kissed him gently.  He nuzzled Daniel’s cheek with his nose, and then with a final smile, he turned away and headed for the kitchen. 

Daniel thought about what he’d said to Jack, recognizing the truth in it. 

He was fairly certain that Jack had never looked at any man with love in his heart until now. 

From the beginning, from the crucible of their first mission together, Daniel had quietly gone about punching holes in Jack’s notions about everything, challenging his perceptions and opinions, forcing Jack to see other sides to every issue.  Daniel’s stubbornness and determination to do things his own way had made him defy direct orders on so many occasions he couldn’t remember them all.  

Conversely, when Daniel was dead certain he knew best, only Jack could open his eyes to possibilities he hadn’t seen, things Daniel didn’t want to see.  Sometimes the way of the warrior truly was the _only_ way to go.  Other times, the peacemaker should take the lead, and between them they always found the right path, or helped each other survive the error.  

That was how they operated together: Daniel would follow Jack anywhere to do anything and do exactly as he was told, as long as he agreed with the orders.  But when Daniel’s sense of morality or opinion of the facts made him think differently, he never hesitated in following his own heart to places Jack didn’t necessarily want to go.  And inevitably, Jack would then follow his lead, going along to protect him, to watch his six. 

Somewhere along the way, Jack had fallen in love with that view, with that stubborn, determined man who blazed his own trails and listened to his heart. 

Oh, Jack made a lot of noise about Daniel’s waywardness, but when it came down to it, Jack had also learned to trust Daniel’s instincts and believe in him, even though he’d never actually said the words to him. 

O’Neill was not a man of words, as he had said. 

Daniel smiled.  He knew Jack’s secret, now.  Jack O’Neill was a poet of silence.  He was a simple man whose actions spoke for him.  He would follow Daniel to hell and back to keep him safe. He had quit his job, given up the military career that was his whole life as soon as he realized he could no longer keep his heart within the regs.  

That garden plan Jack had worked on with such devotion meant so much more, now that Daniel understood the messages behind the plants.  Each flower was a phrase in a love letter, a living canvas painted in bold color, because the gardener could not find the words to say ‘I love you’ when he so desperately needed to tell the one who owned his heart.  

Daniel didn’t know if he would ever hear that phrase pass Jack’s lips.  Even in the throes of passion, no matter how deeply their relationship developed, Daniel believed Jack might be incapable of expressing that sentiment with words… but it would be written in code all around their home. 

Now, Daniel could translate every unspoken word, every look in Jack’s eyes, every message conveyed with simple touches as they went about their daily lives. 

The Jack O’Neill that Daniel had allowed himself to fall in love with was amazing, and Daniel felt he was just now truly beginning to see who the man really was. 

Like the flower buds of the floral messages Jack had sent him, Daniel was aware of the unfolding and blooming of his own heart. 

He dried off, dressed in sweats and a T-shirt, and hobbled into the dining room. 

Plates were already served, and Jack was filling their glasses as Daniel took his seat at the table.  He glanced at the flower arrangement he’d made earlier and smiled. 

This was much better than he had thought it was going to be. 

Jack set their iced tea beside their plates and took his seat across from Daniel.  He waited for Daniel to begin. 

“So tell me about this garden,” said Daniel.  “I’m assuming there’s a reason you haven’t identified the plants on the plan yet.” 

“Yup.”  Jack shoveled in the first bite of his dinner, then rose and disappeared into the back of the house for a moment. 

When he returned, he laid a handwritten list of flowers and their meanings down on the table and pushed it toward his lover. 

Daniel chewed his mouthful of chicken enchilada casserole thoughtfully as he picked up the list and looked it over. 

“Who knew you were such a romantic?” he mumbled around his food, momentarily forgetting his manners.  

Jack’s eyes warned him.  “Needless to say, you can’t tell _anyone_ about this.  It’s just between us.” 

Eyebrows lowered in concentration, Daniel barely heard Jack as he read through the flower names, their meanings and the odd little symbols drawn out beside them. “What do these mean?” he asked, pointing to one of them. 

“Sun, shade, partial sun,” Jack answered after a few moments. “Gotta know that to know where to plant everything. Eat, Daniel.” 

“Oh. Yeah.”  He ate a little more, his left hand keeping his place as he moved down the list, carefully reading as he chewed. 

Jack reached out and laid his right hand over the paper.  “You can study later,” he assured Daniel.  “Right now, concentrate on the food.  You need to keep up your strength.  Got a lot of healing to do yet.   And I plan to wear you out thoroughly.” 

Daniel glanced up at him and saw that Jack’s eyes were aimed down at his plate. 

Warm affection filled Daniel up, and he laid his left hand over Jack’s on the list.  He gathered his fingers around Jack’s hand and squeezed a little.  As Jack lifted his eyes to meet his with a small smile, his fingers climbed over and between Daniel’s until they were laced together, holding hands over the text. Daniel turned to his dinner and began to eat efficiently until his stomach was as full as his heart. 

When they finished dinner, Daniel wiped his hands and mouth, picked up the list, and headed off to bed with it while Jack cleaned up the dishes.

 He undressed, brushed his teeth, and climbed under the covers with the sheet of paper, his walker standing beside the bed, within reach.

Daniel studied, memorizing every reference backward and forward, amazed at the variety of emotions expressed so eloquently by the floral symbols. 

He laid the paper aside when Jack came into the room and began to strip, this time seeming completely unselfconscious. 

Daniel saw that Jack was starting to get hard again, though he closed the bathroom door for a few moments while he finished getting ready for bed.  

Jack made no move to touch him once under the covers.  He lay on his side, his head propped up on one hand, just looking at his new lover. 

“Hungry again, Jack?”  Daniel teased lightly. 

“Who needs food?”  Jack shot back contentedly.  “I’ve got something way better in my bed.” 

He hesitated, reaching out to trace the line of Daniel’s jaw with one fingertip.  _“Our_ bed.” 

The look on that familiar face was filled with reverence, and never in his life had Daniel felt so loved.  He started to come up for a kiss at the same moment Jack came down to him, their lips stroking tenderly across each other. 

“Wanna get some sleep?”  Jack whispered as he let go.  

Daniel closed his eyes as Jack cuddled up to him, boldly slipping his arm around Daniel’s waist. 

“Do you mind?” he whispered softly in Daniel’s ear.  

Daniel pulled Jack’s arm tighter about him and smiled.  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

He hesitated.  “You’ll have blue balls in the morning if you don’t do something about that.” 

He flexed his hip, gently bumping against Jack’s revived hard-on. 

“You’ve had enough excitement for one night already, don’t you think?” 

With a glance at the tent rising over his groin, Daniel shook his head.  “I’m celebrating being alive,” he reminded Jack with a smug grin, throwing his own words back at him.  “It was your suggestion, you know. You said I needed to get laid in the worst way, and I think you were right. I’m ready for Round Two.” 

With a soft laugh, Jack leaned down for a kiss and let Daniel have his way with him. 

Twice more they made love before finally settling down to sleep, and in the wee hours of morning, Daniel awakened Jack for more.  

He couldn’t get enough of being close to Jack, and his lover seemed to be enjoying every moment of it. 

Daniel decided he wanted to do this as often as possible.  After all, he had a lot of lost time to make up, including a year of being dead. 

Not many people got second chances, and he intended to make the most of this opportunity to enjoy the gift of love that had just landed in his lap.

 

* * *

 

 

**8 June**

**The Next Day**  

It was almost ten when Jack awakened the next morning with Daniel’s body pressed against his backside.  He felt Daniel’s nose touching the nape of his neck, warm breath stirring the little hairs down his spine.  It made him shiver with delight, just lying there wrapped up in Daniel Jackson. 

He felt a huge smile widening across his face. 

Warm lips pressed against his nape.  “You awake?” whispered Daniel against his skin. 

“Been waiting for you,” answered Jack softly.  “Whatcha wanna do today?” 

“Walk in the garden with you,” Daniel returned lazily.  “What do you want to do, Jack?” 

“You.”  Jack smiled as a silent laugh gusted against the back of his neck.  

Daniel cleared his throat. “Yeah, well, you should know up front that I’ve never been very good in bed.  Still want to keep me?” 

“I don’t believe that for a second.”  Jack carefully turned over in Daniel’s arms and looked at him, nose to nose on his pillow.  “I’ve seen the way you handle artifacts.  You’re one of the most sensual people I’ve ever known.  Maybe you’ve just never been with the right person.  Till now.” 

Daniel’s eyes drifted lazily closed, then slowly opened again.  He wasn’t smiling.  “Unfortunately, it’s true.  I’ve never had much luck figuring out how to please my partners, and I’ve done a lot of research into the subject.” 

“That could be the problem.”  Jack reached up and stroked his hand against Daniel’s face, threading his fingers into his soft brown hair, growing quickly out of the short do he'd kept the last few years. 

“Hmmm?”  

“Maybe you’re thinking too much.  Anyway, I’d say that so far, you’re doing just fine.”  Jack felt the heat and pressure in his groin that signaled his morning erection, except that this one had real inspiration behind it.  “Be right back.” 

He got up and had a pee, took a quick shower, dried off, brushed his teeth and headed back for the bed, minty fresh.  

Daniel was already halfway to the bathroom door by the time he exited.  “My turn,” he mumbled, gaze on the floor. 

He was blushing.  “Back in a few.” 

Jack couldn’t help grinning.  As soon as Daniel came back to bed, they were going to have sex.  _Again_.  There would be kissing and touching, and maybe this time they’d do something different.  Maybe something more intimate than the hand-jobs they’d exchanged during the night. 

He closed his eyes and imagined Daniel going down on him, and that got him hard again in a hurry.  Then he thought about doing it for Daniel, and he tried to figure out the mechanics of giving a blowjob, since he’d only been on the receiving end of those.  

God, how he wanted to do that, to take Daniel into his mouth and taste him when he came!   

He sat up as Daniel emerged from the bathroom, gloriously naked, limping along with his walker.

The healing wound on his chest was only slightly swelled and rosy pink, with tiny little staple holes in neat rows along the incision where the SGC doctors had opened his body up and removed the alien arrow.  Jack’s gaze dropped to Daniel’s leg and the bright pink scars where his skin and muscle had been peeled back to install the new knee joint. 

Tears prickled at Jack’s eyes. 

Daniel was _alive_.  He was whole, and he was beautiful.  And Jack was going to make love to him in their bed. 

Daniel leaned heavily on the walker as he stopped beside the bed, his eyes averted from Jack’s face.  Evidently, Daniel had seen him looking at his still-forming scar and was embarrassed by how he appeared.  He saw Daniel’s left hand move to cover the chest wound in embarrassment as he turned to sit down on the bed. 

Jack waited until Daniel reclined on his back on the bed, staring straight up at the ceiling, his face red. 

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” Jack told him honestly, aware of his inner turmoil. “We’ve both been through hell, Daniel.  _Again._   Don’t you think we deserve a little heaven now?” 

He reached out and cupped Daniel’s face in his hand, turning him toward Jack.  “Looking at you makes me hard,” he murmured appreciatively.  “You’re so sexy.  I can’t get enough of you.” 

Instant anger gleamed in Daniel’s eyes.  “I’m ugly with all these scars.  I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror.” 

Jack shook his head.  “No,” he argued gently.  “Eye of the beholder, Danny.  I see a hero, a man with courage like no one else I’ve ever known.”

He eased down onto his side, propping up on one elbow.  “I was lookin’ at you not long ago on the couch, while you were sleeping, and I saw…” 

He smiled shyly.  “You’re a good looking man.  A guy totally unaware of how sexy he really is. I saw a man who’ll spit in the eye of the fiercest System Lord and take the time to comfort a scared kid in need of a friend.  You’re a truly amazing man, Daniel Jackson, and you don’t have a clue about it.  Which in my book kinda makes you even more amazing.” 

Daniel frowned, fiercely swallowing the grin of pleasure that wanted to break through at Jack’s loving words.  “Okay, so who are you and what have you done with Jack O’Neill?” 

“This is the me nobody else gets to see,” Jack confessed quietly.  “Think you can stand a little sap? Maybe some romance? ‘Cause I’ve got a lot of that stored up and haven’t had anybody to lavish it on… till now.” 

“I don’t need to be romanced,” Daniel assured him, the frown disappearing in favor of a slightly pleased expression. 

Jack grinned.  “You liked the flowers.” 

Daniel chuckled a little.  “I’ll admit, aside from the sneezing, they were nice. It was a very good puzzle, Jack.  Very smart.” 

“I can do smart. Sometimes. If I have to.” 

“Yeah, I’ve always known that.”   

Daniel’s smile faded, replaced by a look so warm and fulfilled it sent heat all the way down to Jack’s toes. “Kiss me, Jack. Don’t stop till I pass out, okay?” 

“Anything you want, _vidámo.”_   Jack still remembered a little of the language of the Ancients, when he worked at it. 

 _“Vida_ means life,” Daniel translated, “and _amo_ means love.”  His brows twitched together.  _“Vidámo_. Love of my life? Life-long love?” 

Jack nodded.  “Something like that.” He got up onto all fours, his knees together beside Daniel’s left hip, his upper body balanced on his elbows, planted on either side of Daniel’s shoulders.  He leaned down and stroked his dry lips over his lover’s, his eyes closing in bliss.  “Jeez, Danny, your lips…” 

“What?”  

He could feel Daniel’s mouth curving up into a smile beneath his, warm breath puffing into Jack’s mouth as he spoke.

It was sexy. 

“So hot,” he murmured back.  

The tip of Daniel’s tongue flicked out and tasted Jack’s lower lip.  He groaned into Daniel’s mouth as he swept down upon it, wanting to be gentle and sensual, but he was kissing Daniel and the more his mind tumbled over that idea the wilder he got.  Passion for Daniel consumed him, and he stretched out on top of his lover, careful to keep away from his injured leg. 

Jack rubbed his hands all over Daniel’s face, in his hair, down his neck and over his body.  He could feel Daniel trembling, his body tense and still, on guard against any movement that might cause him pain. 

He knew Daniel couldn’t participate much at that point, but as long as he didn’t tell Jack to stop, he was going to touch Daniel everywhere with every part of him.  He kissed Daniel’s face, stroking his lips over his cheeks, his eyelids, those articulate eyebrows.  He nibbled along Daniel’s jaw and down his throat, drawing delicious little gasps and moans from his lover.  Daniel’s hands fondled him, sweeping through his hair and over his shoulders and back, carefully avoiding his still-healing injuries. 

Daniel flexed his chest as Jack’s teeth grazed over his right nipple. 

Jack moaned, tantalized by the movement of firm muscle arching up beneath his mouth. 

“God,” he gasped, suckling that hardened nub, swirling his tongue around it, grasping it gently with his teeth and hanging on for dear life. 

Daniel was delicious. 

“You taste so good,” he murmured. 

Heat swept through Jack, forcing a desperate grunt from him.  Never had he been so delirious with desire and need.  He eased downward, catching Daniel’s cock in his hand. Carefully, he eased himself downward, kissing, licking, tasting Daniel all the way down his body. 

“Jack,” Daniel whimpered, grasping fistfuls of silver hair.  

Jack raised his head and looked at his lover, asking permission with his eyes. 

Daniel’s head was lifted off the pillow, staring down at Jack, watching in fascination.  Fear warred with need in those blue eyes, but he could see that Daniel wanted this, and badly.  His tongue flicked out to moisten his lower lip, his breathing ragged and harsh. 

That was a _‘do me’_ look, if Jack had ever seen one. 

He turned back to that tasty body and ran his tongue along the crease between belly and thigh.  

“Oh, God!”  Daniel’s eyes closed. 

His body arched off the bed, his hands in Jack’s hair pushing him down toward his dick. 

“Suck me, Jack!” 

Jack’s fingers wrapped around Daniel’s hardened cock, pulling it toward him, and he smiled.  He kissed the tip of it, running his tongue in the slit, tasting the drop of pre-come that waited there.  He reveled in the delirious groan it drew from his lover. 

Jack inhaled, breathing in the heady, musky man-scent of Daniel’s body.  He pushed the shaft aside and buried his nose in the sensitive crease between cock and thigh, and sniffed greedily. 

This was concentrated Daniel, freshened with a slight aroma of soap, and it was intoxicating. 

He licked Daniel’s inner thigh, and Daniel twitched beneath him.  The movement cost him, and he half swallowed a grunt of pain.

“Just lie still, Danny,” Jack whispered, his tongue snaking out again for another taste. He swiped his tongue across Daniel’s balls and got a soft, breathless little shout for it. 

Jack needed to see Daniel’s face, needed to be able to watch him to tell if he was hurting him or doing this right. 

“Gonna move now, Danny,” he said softly.  “I need you to spread your legs for me. Or at least one of ‘em. Can you?”  He rolled back to give Daniel room to move.  

Fear blossomed in Daniel’s eyes. 

“Don’t touch my ass, Jack,” he warned stiffly. “I don’t wanna be fucked that way.” 

That surprised Jack a little.  “If you don’t want me to, I won’t,” he hastened to assure his lover. “Just gonna blow you, okay?”

Daniel’s good leg shifted over and bent at the knee. 

He lifted his head and gazed at Jack, hovering near his hip. There was trust in his eyes, mixed with a little fear. 

“I’ve never done this before, but I think I have it worked out how to do it,” Jack assured him softly.  “Tell me if I hurt you, okay?  Or if you want me to stop.”   

“I’m scared, Jack.”  Daniel’s head dropped back on the pillow. He covered his eyes with one arm. 

“Scared you might like it?”  Carefully, Jack moved between Daniel’s legs, making sure he didn’t touch the injured one.  He braced himself on his left elbow, pulling Daniel’s left leg down and lying across his thigh to help hold himself up. 

“A little,” Daniel confessed with a shaky laugh.  

“That makes two of us.  But you can trust me.  I’d never hurt you.” 

Jack drew his gaze from the underside of Daniel’s chin, down that gorgeous body to his cock, jutting upward from Daniel’s pelvis. It was a deep, rosy pink, long like his limbs and fingers, thick at the base, with a scant dusting of fine blondish-brown hair around it.

“I’m gonna taste you now. Suck you off. Make you feel real good.” 

Jack leaned down for another deep sniff and licked Daniel’s balls.  He was leisurely about it, caressing his tongue over that nearly hairless sac with relish, inhaling the heady scent of Daniel with each breath.  Jack thought he could stay there all day, doing just that, and be perfectly happy.  He tightened his abdominal muscles, slowly thrusting his own cock against the sheets. 

“That feels soooooo goooooood,” Daniel moaned.  “God, Jack…” 

“You smell good,” Jack murmured.  “You taste good.” 

He laved Daniel’s balls, up the back and sides of his shaft, keeping his left arm rigid and still so he didn’t bump Daniel’s injured leg. He listened attentively to the sounds Daniel made while he tasted him, feeling Daniel’s pulse beating against his tongue and lips through his dick.  This was wonderful, this intimacy, and Jack felt himself relaxing into it, his thrusts against the sheets harder and faster, rocking the whole bed with his rhythm. 

He felt like a starving man, holding his sustenance in his hand, and licked his lips.  Jack rocked Daniel’s dick toward him and took it in, as deep as he could get it, his lips covering his teeth to protect Daniel’s delicate skin.  

“OH!”  Daniel cried, his body jerking on the bed, immediately followed by a sucked-in breath and rigid stillness. 

Jack knew instantly what that meant.  Daniel had jolted his leg and was suffering. 

For a moment Jack didn’t move, waiting for the pain to recede a little.  Carefully, gently, he pressed his tongue against Daniel’s shaft, stroking and swirling it all around that hot, hard flesh. 

He felt Daniel’s body begin to relax, distracted now by the pleasure he was giving with his mouth. 

He opened his eyes and risked a look at his lover. 

Daniel’s head was turned toward the windows, lit with morning sunshine.  His eyes were closed and his mouth clenched in a firm line, just beginning to soften. 

His fingers were grasping handfuls of the sheet underneath him, as though he needed to anchor himself. 

Jack slid back, almost letting go of Daniel’s cock, then swallowed him again. 

“Ooooooohhhhh,” groaned Daniel happily.  “Don’t stop, Jack.  That feels so good.” 

“Mmmmmm,” Jack agreed heartily. 

He smiled around a mouthful of dick, remembering the rumors he’d heard around the base regarding the latest meaning of the slang word, ‘hummer.’ He decided to save the humming for later, once he’d gotten a little more adept with giving blowjobs, and just try to master the basics at the moment. 

He closed his eyes and let sensation rule; taste, smell, touch, sound all sweeping him away. The more he sucked, the more he wanted, thrilled with the feel of Daniel’s cock gliding against his tongue and lips, the taste of him in his mouth. 

Daniel’s reactions inflamed him, excited him until he was humping the sheets with the same rhythm Daniel’s cock thrust into his mouth. 

He felt Daniel gathering himself, tensing up beneath Jack’s body, until he jerked on the bed, his hips forcing him down Jack’s throat. 

Suddenly Daniel was coming, writhing on the bed, his breath in short, sharp little gusts, hands still fisted in the sheets. 

Jack was intoxicated by Daniel’s orgasm, and found himself pushed screaming over the edge.  Jack came against the bed, groaning and thrusting and dazed, so light-headed with euphoria he could barely see. 

The hot splash of Daniel’s come against the back of his throat almost made Jack gag, and he instinctively pulled back, just a little.  His mouth filled with a strange, musky, smoky flavor.  He held still, his tongue pressed against Daniel’s shaft, waiting for the last spasm to pass. 

His mouth was watering, filling up, and he sucked off the last drop of fluid, making sure he didn’t let any dribble out. 

He held the mouthful on his tongue, tasting it, and found it growing sweeter, bolder, almost like… 

Jack swallowed quickly and let out a startled little laugh. 

Daniel raised his head.  “What?  What’s funny?” 

Grinning madly, Jack crawled up beside him and lay half across his chest. 

“Your come tastes like blond coffee, Daniel,” he teased.  “Sweet and creamy. I think you’re drinking way too much of the stuff.” 

“It does not,” Daniel protested, obviously disbelieving his lover. 

“Kiss me and find out,” Jack teased with a smug grin. 

“Ewwww.  That’s gross!”  Daniel made a sour face. 

“What, you’ve never tasted your own come on a kiss before?”  Jack was shocked.  He was particularly fond of that after a good blowjob. 

“I can barely remember that far back, Jack.  It’s been a while, you know, and I already told you sex wasn’t one of my better skills.” 

“Well, then, you’ve got a lot to learn about the art of making love, Danny,” Jack told him with a sated smile.  “Lesson number one: kissing after a blowjob is erotic. Especially when your come tastes like coffee.” 

Jack leaned down toward his face. 

Daniel turned away and put up his hands.  “No, thanks. I think it’s time to get up.” 

“Daniel.”  Jack’s voice was low and commanding, gentle but insistent. 

The younger man faced his lover warily. 

“Lesson number two: Immediately after sex, there is cuddling and kissing. C’mere.” 

Jack moved over to his side of the bed and patted the mattress. “Watch the wet spot.  I’ll change the sheets in a minute.” 

Daniel’s frown relaxed and he moved slowly, carefully over to Jack’s side of the bed.  He sighed as he lay back on Jack’s pillow.  “Better?” 

Jack slipped his arms around him and nodded approvingly.  “Better.”  He leaned down for a kiss, which Daniel hesitantly gave him. 

“Mmmm,” hummed Daniel into his mouth.  

When Jack drew away, a smug grin on his face, he watched the tip of Daniel’s tongue slip out to wet his lips. 

“Cappucino,” he said with approval. “I taste good.” 

Jack beamed.  “Yes, you do, Daniel.  I wonder if you’re caffeinated.” 

“Well, not yet.  Coffee does sound good, though.” 

“I’ll go make us some.  You hit the shower, and I’ll be back when the coffee’s ready.” Jack eased off the bed and stood up.  

He helped Daniel to his feet, fetched the walker from the other side of the bed for him and let him go with a brief, sweet kiss.

Jack started the coffee and came back to strip the bed and put on clean sheets.  He washed himself up in the half bath off the spare room to give Daniel his privacy in the master bathroom, then dressed in the sweats he’d brought with him. 

When the coffee was brewed, he poured them each a cup and returned to their bedroom, staying nearby while Daniel dressed.  

After breakfast they went outside to plan their day and strolled around the garden together.  It took a little time for Daniel to make it all the way to the back forty with his walker, but it was good exercise, and he didn’t complain.  He wanted to see all the plants up close with Jack by his side.  The only other time he’d been this far out in the yard was when he’d come out to cut the last iris the previous day.   

“It really was a brilliant plan,” observed Daniel fondly. 

Jack followed his gaze to the stand of broad, flat iris leaves protruding from the ground at the tree line, the remaining flower now on the kitchen table. 

“Well, you _are_ a linguist,” said Jack proudly.  “I figured the language of flowers would be a cinch for you to learn.” 

“ _’Translate the codex,’_ ” Daniel repeated with a grin. “Breaking the code wasn’t easy, but you gave me all the clues I needed.  All I had to do was open my eyes.” 

Jack looked into those big blue eyes, so filled with love and happiness, and the view sent his heart soaring.  “You always see more than anybody else, when you’re really paying attention, Daniel.  Nobody else _in the world_ would have gotten constellations out of those glyphs on the cover stones.  That’s because you see with more than just your eyes, big guy. You see with your _heart_.” 

Daniel stopped walking.  He tugged on Jack’s hand and started to kiss him, then glanced around, realizing they were outside, in plain view of the neighbors. 

He put his head down. 

“That’s the most beautiful thing anyone’s ever said to me, Jack.”  He leaned closer, blushing, his voice barely audible.  He tried to untangle his fingers from Jack’s, apparently suddenly conscious of where they were. 

“You’re not ashamed of me, are you?” asked Jack a little hesitantly. 

“No.  I just… the Air Force—“ 

“I’m not _in_ the Air Force any more, remember?”  Jack took Daniel’s face in his hands, stepped up close to him and kissed him soundly. “I can be who I want to be and love who I want to love.  And so can you. If the Air Force doesn’t like it, they can kiss our bisexual asses.”

Jack grinned, pleased with his statement of the facts.  

Daniel smiled back, his nose crinkling up, dimples popping out everywhere, and shook his head.  “You know, I loved the old Jack, prickly and cantankerous as he was,” he said with a sigh, “but I think I’m gonna be happy for the rest of my life with this one.” 

“I hope so, Daniel, because I’m gonna do my damnedest to make that happen.  I need to see you smiling as much as I need to breathe.” 

Daniel shivered, still grinning. “Ooooh, God, you’re a poet, too?  Damn, where have you been all my life?” 

Jack’s hands slid around to cup Daniel’s nape tenderly.  “Right in front of you, Daniel. Waiting for you to see the real me. You’re the only one who ever has.” 

He leaned in for another coffee-flavored kiss and took a deep, satisfied breath, inhaling the scents of hyacinths, daffodils and Daniel Jackson, and knew that the most important flower in his garden had finally bloomed.

 

FIN


	2. The Language of Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack gives Daniel love lessons.

**3 July**

**Four Weeks Later**  

"We should tell them," said Jack quietly.  He and Daniel lay in their bed, his fingers idly stroking Daniel's long, silky hair as his head lay on Jack's chest. Morning sun slanted through the bedroom sheers, setting the room aglow. Breakfast was half eaten on the dining room table, set aside in favor of something better to do with their mouths.   

"Why?" asked Daniel languidly, his breath stirring the hair on Jack's chest. "This is none of their business." 

"Because Carter and Teal'c are our friends," Jack pointed out gently. "They deserve to know." 

Daniel lifted his head with a sigh, stacked his hands on top of Jack's chest and rested his chin on them. "And what if they take it badly? Then we lose their friendship completely." 

"We owe them our honesty," insisted Jack. "Not telling them is kind of lying to them. I'm not good with that. They deserve to know the truth, that we're involved now." 

Eyebrows scrunched down in a frown, Daniel's lower lip poked out. His mouth twitched as he considered what he wanted to say, and Jack enjoyed the show. Every thought that coursed through that genius mind played itself out on Daniel's mobile face. It was one of the truly endearing things about the man that Jack adored. 

"I don't wanna lose the relationship we have with them," Daniel argued. "I'd rather we just kept on like we are." 

"It's not fair to them, Daniel. We're both civilians now, and military regs don't apply. And look, you're able to take care of yourself now, but you're still living with me. Granted you do still need a little help now and then, but you could manage fine on your own. They’re not stupid, you know.  Eventually they'll start to wonder why you're staying here with me, and if either of them ever wanders into the guest room and sees that none of your stuff is there, they'll put one and one together and get a couple. I wanna be honest with ‘em and tell ‘em the truth. I’m not saying I wanna broadcast it to the world or anything, because I know you’re not ready for that, but they’re practically family. We owe them our honesty." 

Daniel sat up, wincing as the movement brought a brief flash of discomfort from his still-healing knee. He was frowning, thinking it over. With his mouth firmly set, he made eye contact with his lover.  "Then I'll let _you_ tell them, ‘cause I can't." 

"Coward." Jack was half smiling, meaning it as a tease, but Daniel's chin went up, and he got that frosty look, gazing down his nose at Jack. 

"Whatever," he snapped, and got up to go take a shower. 

Jack was after him instantly, soothing his ruffled feathers, kissing and cuddling and making him forget all about his unintentional insult. As always, Daniel forgave him, and the matter was dropped for the moment.  They fooled around again in the shower and got ready for their date with Carter and Teal'c without further mention of the subject.   

Around noon their former teammates arrived, and the four of them went out into the back yard for a barbecue. 

 Jack was finally ready to talk to others about his garden, so he unrolled his finished landscape plans and described the garden he’d designed, keeping to himself and Daniel the secret message the plants represented, concentrating only on talking about the color patterns, seasonal blooming and balance he had planned into the work.  

Carter was duly impressed; Teal'c raised an eyebrow in his direction and said nothing.  Jack knew from the gleam in the big guy's eye, though, that he was also pleasantly surprised by Jack's gardening expertise. 

They cooked steaks, and ate them along with the potato salad Sam had brought, all washed down with a liberal amount of beer.  Teal’c stuck to water.  

Everyone listened to Sam regale them about her recent success with some mechanical doohickey she’d been working to decipher.

From that they drifted into discussing Jack’s recently pierced left ear, a small silver hoop dangling from his lobe. He admitted to doing it on a whim and confessed that it made him feel like a swashbuckler, or as if he should be dressed in leather and riding a motorcycle, which made Carter laugh. He liked the earring and hadn’t regretted doing it for a moment.

She reassured him that it was a good look for him, and the longer hair he now sported seemed to fit him perfectly.   

Then they started talking shop, discussing only aspects of things that might be spoken about carefully in public, and from that to Daniel's recovery, including his graduation from walker to cane.  He told them that he had been taken off his constant passive motion machine and was now doing his own physical therapy with frequent walks and exercises at the gym to aid in recuperating from the knee replacement he'd had following his off-world injury. 

As the sun started its downward slide and afternoon headed for evening, they gathered up all the leftovers and utensils and headed inside, piling the dirty dishes into the sink and working like the team they still were to wrap and cover the remaining food and put it properly away.

In minutes the dishes were done, and Jack brought out a bottle of chilled champagne and four flutes, handing them out to everyone.   

Teal'c eyed his empty glass. "What are we celebrating, O'Neill?" he asked, staring at the flute. 

"I'm making an announcement," he answered with a smile. "I know you don't usually drink alcohol, big guy, but maybe this time you'll make an exception." 

"This is a happy occasion?" Teal'c inquired, raising his gaze to his host's. 

"Never been happier," Jack assured him, pouring the golden liquid into the Jaffa's glass first, before moving on to Carter, then Daniel, then to his own.  

Sam studied the bottle label as he set it down. "Wow, the good stuff," she observed. "This must be something important." 

Jack glanced at Daniel.  He was staring at his glass, his head down, not avoiding everyone’s eyes, his cheeks flushed bright red with anticipation and some embarrassment, fidgeting with his new cane, tapping it against the floor.   

Jack’s gaze took in Teal’c’s and Sam’s expectant faces.  "Well.  You guys remember all the flowers Daniel was getting a few weeks back?" 

Sam's face brightened. "Oh, yeah! We were on a mission when they stopped coming, and I never thought to ask what happened with all that. Did you find out who was sending them?" She turned to regard Daniel. 

He nodded without looking up, twirling his glass in his fingertips nervously.  "Um.  Yes, I did." 

"And?" 

Jack saw Carter was grinning from ear to ear.  It was obvious Daniel didn’t want to answer her, and Jack knew it was his job anyway, so he cut to the chase. 

"Yeah.  It was me," he announced solemnly.  

"Oh?"  Sam was still grinning, waiting for the punch line, turning her gaze now to him. 

"It was my way of telling Daniel that I wanted us to be more than just friends," he explained, dead serious. "And once he figured it out, he decided he was okay with that." 

Silence hung in the air between them.  Sam's smile remained fixed for a few moments, then softened into something sweet and wistful. Her eyes shifted from Jack to Daniel and back again, and she nodded, her look of pleasure never dimming.  

"I wondered how long it would take you two to figure that out," she admitted quietly, stealing a little closer to reach behind Daniel and rub his back affectionately. 

Daniel still had his head down, studying the contents of his glass.

 The apprehension in his expression was fading, but not completely gone yet.

Jack couldn’t help the proud upward tilt of his own chin.

He felt good about the confession, and hoped Daniel would be all right with it soon, too. 

She eyed Jack. "You know, I had this huge crush on you for the longest time, but every hint I dropped was politely ignored. Eventually I got the message that you weren't interested -- not that anything would've happened between us, anyway, since you were my CO -- and then I started noticing you and Daniel. There was…well, there was sparkage there.”  She grinned at Jack.   

“Sparkage?”  Jack smiled at her, relieved to his core that apparently Carter was going to be okay with his announcement. 

“Yeah.  You know, chemistry. And the more I watched the two of you, the more I understood it was way more than that. You were like an old married couple, finishing each other’s sentences and always knowing what the other needed."

She set her glass down, hugged Daniel briefly and let go, then looked back at Jack. 

Daniel’s embarrassment was fading, a little peace softening his mouth into an almost smile.

His slightly nervous gaze flicked over to Teal’c, and Jack saw that the big guy was staring into his glass, obviously thinking about what he wanted to say, giving nothing away in his expression. 

“An old married couple, huh? More now than ever,” Jack boasted to Sam with a big grin.  

Sam chuckled and shook her head, her eyes gleaming with happiness for them. "I'm guessing you retired when you figured out how you felt," she said. "I know you're an honorable man, Jack. Nobody has to tell me that nothing happened while you were still in uniform. I already know that." 

Jack felt a surge of warmth and pride swell up in him at her remarks. "That's right, Sam. As soon as I figured out it was more than friendship, I stepped down."

He turned to Teal'c for his reaction. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Jack saw Daniel raise his eyes to their other teammate, too.

Daniel was wary, waiting for Teal’c’s reaction. 

He was still staring at his flute, contemplating.  "Among the Jaffa, such relationships between warriors are common," he said softly. "We are often away from our homes for years at a time, and we consider it a source of strength for men to bond with their brothers in arms."

He met Jack's unwavering gaze. "I had hoped, at one time, that you would choose me," he admitted honestly, then turned his gaze to Daniel, "but I grew to understand that you and DanielJackson were connected in a way the Jaffa call _kem’kalach_."  

He bowed toward Daniel, bending fully from the waist, and then straightened and offered a similar bow to Jack. "I am honored to have served with you both, and honor your love for each other. _Kesh ta min’shu_ , my brothers. I wish you happiness." 

Daniel heaved a sigh of relief and brought his head up at last. “Thanks, guys. Your acceptance means a lot to both of us.” 

Teal’c straightened and held out his glass. “ _Kem’kalach_ ,” he repeated. 

Jack watched Daniel hold out his glass and clink it with Teal’c’s and Carter's. He put his out there in time to touch flutes with each of the others. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Whatever that means. Sounds good, anyway.” 

“ _Kem’kalach_ ,” said Daniel, taking a sip of the champagne. He glanced up at Jack. “It means _‘one spirit.’_ “ 

“Soulmates,” Sam agreed. She turned to look at Teal’c and caught his free hand in hers as he drained the glass of champagne. She smiled shyly at him. 

The significance of that look was not lost on Jack. He watched her take a dainty sip of champagne. “So, do my eyes deceive me, or do you two have something to celebrate, too?” 

Before she could answer, Teal’c lowered his empty glass and swallowed. He frowned at it and made a most unpleasant face.

“O’Neill,” he declared, his voice a deep growl. “This is terrible. It is a taste reminiscent of _greknoss_.” 

Daniel burst out laughing and had to turn away to get control of himself, covering his mouth with his hand still clutching his cane. 

“Okay, I don’t know what _greknoss_ is, but I’m sure Jack doesn’t wanna know,” Sam added with a chuckle, patting Daniel on the back.  

Just starting to catch his breath, Daniel set his cane back on the floor and explained, “It’s a medicinal drink made with fruit juice and the urine of—“ 

“Whoa!” Jack cut in, waving his free hand to cut him off, “That’s TMI. Don’t wanna go there. Nope. No, sir.”

He took Teal’c’s empty flute and set it down on the table.  “Water’s in the kitchen, T. Help yourself, and I’ll never ask you to drink booze again, I promise.”

He winked at Carter as Teal’c stalked away. “Not even at your wedding.” 

“Um.” Sam’s eyes went wide. “Hey, don’t get ahead of us.  We’ve just decided we’re going to take it to the next step. It hasn’t gone any farther than that. We still have to talk to the General and find out if Teal’c will have to transfer off the team or not.”

She glanced into the kitchen and leaned closer to whisper, “Frankly, I don’t think he’d much like the idea of me going off world without him to watch my six, and I have the feeling Hammond won’t have much to say about it, if the big guy turns that look on him. Even the General’s not immune to the arched eyebrow of doom.”   

Jack grinned. “It’s a good thing we learned to see through that early, Sam.” He kissed her cheek. “Congratulations. Let me know when you set the date.” 

She straightened up, grinning broadly. “Let's not rush things, okay?” 

“You two were made for each other,” Daniel added, leaning on his cane and kissing her cheek. “I’m surprised it took you guys this long to see it.” 

“Yeah, well.” She shrugged as Teal’c returned bearing a large tumbler filled with water. She glowed as she looked at him, watching him take a big drink and then set his glass on the coffee table. “Sometimes we miss seeing what’s right in front of us, and it takes something extraordinary to make us really get it.” 

Teal’c sidled up to her, slipped one arm around her waist and bent down to kiss her deeply. Sam’s arms wrapped around his neck and when he let her go, she looked a little dazed. It took her a moment to gather her wits, while Teal’c seemed perfectly composed.

In fact, a little smug.     

Jack and Daniel just stared, open-mouthed, until they finished. 

“Wow,” said Daniel in a hushed, awed whisper. “That was hot.” 

Grinning hugely, Jack teased, “You two should get a room. May I suggest the No-Tell-Motel on—“ 

Daniel moved up beside him and grabbed a handful of ribs right where he knew Jack was ticklish.  

Jack crumpled and shut off what he’d been about to say, grabbing for Daniel’s hand to keep him from doing it again.  “Okay, okay, I got the message,” he shot back with a laugh, holding Daniel’s hand. “The lip is zipped. No more wisecracks.” 

“That’ll be the day,” Daniel told him with a grin. 

“We do have to go,” Sam admitted, slipping her arm around Teal’c’s waist.  “I’ve gotta take Teal’c back to the base, and we need to get a good night’s sleep before tomorrow.  We’re got an early mission, you know.” 

Teal’c gazed down at her. “We do not have to go back to the base immediately, SamanthaCarter. Are we not going to your home now?” 

“Cat’s out of the bag,” Jack teased. “You two go have a good time.” 

“Be safe,” Daniel added. He grinned and gave them a knowing wink.   

Jack nudged him in the ribs with his elbow. 

Sam blushed red to the roots of her hair. “Um, yeah. Right. We… uh. Yeah.” 

Teal’c lifted his chin. “It is not yet time to take our courtship to sexual fulfillment, DanielJackson. However, be assured it will be soon. We have already waited many years, and I do not wish to deny SamanthaCarter the pleasure of my body for much longer.”

He smiled down at her in perfect confidence.   

“See you, guys!” Sam chirped loudly, dragging Teal’c off by the hand. He gave Jack his water glass as he passed and hurried with her out the door. 

“Well,” said Jack, eyeing his lover. “That turned out better than either one of us expected.” 

Daniel’s eyebrows lifted. “Yeah,” he agreed, and cleared his throat, “I never expected Teal’c to hit on you, Jack. And then in the next breath brag about jumping Sam’s bones in the very near future.” 

Jack’s brows rose, too. “Teal’c was not hitting on me,” he argued lightly. “He was paying me a compliment.” 

He paused for a moment.  “I think.” 

A grin broke out on Daniel’s face and his eyes gleamed wickedly. “Yeah, I can just imagine you with Teal’c. The man is hung like a horse.” 

For a moment, Jack didn’t move, didn’t even breathe. “Ouch,” he said softly. “Way more than a mouthful.” 

“Indeed,” agreed Daniel, in a _sotto voce_ imitation of the Jaffa. 

“Wonder if Carter’s gonna be able to walk tomorrow?” 

Another pause. 

“Is thinking about the two of them together turning you on?” Daniel’s eyes were sparkling, pupils expanding with desire. 

Jack wondered if Daniel were somehow privy to his thoughts, witness to the fantasy playing on the movie screen of his mind. “Yeah. You?” 

“Race you to the bedroom,” said Daniel huskily. 

Jack bolted, not bothering to set the glass down until he reached the nightstand.

He was stark naked and spread-eagled on the bed by the time Daniel got there, also mostly undressed, a trail of clothing behind him down the hallway.

 

* * *

 

**6 July**

**Three Days Later**  

Jack surveyed his back yard with a critical eye, taking note of every swell of fertile earth and every dappling shadow, each plant carefully placed to make the most of the landscape. In the past month, since returning to work at the base, he had dug a winding trench from a wide, deep hole beside the deck at the rear of the house, skirting across the side yard to the trees near the back of his property.  The trench ended in yet another deep hole, just in front of the tree line.  

Next would come sheets of thick black plastic, bags of cement, and rocks that would become the lining for the trench.  Then he would need to dig more holes, carefully placed so that they’d make a wild-looking watercourse linking two small waterfalls and their attendant ponds.  

Jack had spent a week deciding on just the pattern and shapes of the water features, making sure there was still plenty of room in the yard for guests to play some impromptu football. The rest of the space was being made into a garden the likes of which Colorado Springs had never seen. 

Few people knew of Jack’s love of gardening, because he hadn’t bothered with much of it over the years. Now that he was retired from field duty and riding a desk, however, he was home every evening and most of every weekend, and he could throw himself fully into his second-greatest passion. 

Daniel, of course, was the first. 

With an indulgent grin, Jack turned to look at the deck and saw his lover buried behind a stack of books.  Daniel’s face, shaded against the bright afternoon sun by the camo Boonie he wore, was locked into an intense look of concentration.  His fingers danced over the keys of his laptop, his eyes never leaving the computer screen. 

Daniel had healed up nicely in the last few weeks, and no longer had to be on pain medication.  His chest wound was marked now only by a faint pink scar. His knee still gave him problems and required a lot of time spent at therapy or doing strengthening exercises, but the cane he now used gave him a lot more mobility.  

Jack knew his injury created a lot of frustration when he couldn’t carry big stacks of books or move as fast as he wanted, but he was getting used to his limitations, albeit grudgingly.  They were both adjusting to the fact that he had a permanent injury and was Earth-bound, and the biggest part of what kept Daniel's spirits up was the love and companionship he now shared with Jack. 

Turning to glance down at his hands, Jack smiled.  He was covered in rich black earth from fingertips to elbows. His lower back ached from the digging, but he hadn’t pushed himself too hard and would just be a little sore in the morning. He was tired, but it was a good tired, achieved by honest physical labor that gave him a welcome change from sitting at a desk all day.  

For a moment, he thought about going up to Daniel, taking his lover’s face in his hands and giving him a big, wet kiss, just so he could leave dirty handprints on those sexy cheeks.

He knew Daniel wasn’t afraid of dirt  -- hell, archaeologists lived half their lives in it  -- but it wouldn’t be an easy thing for Daniel to just hop up and go wash his face anymore, so Jack thought better of that idea and went to the garden hose coiled at one end of the deck. He turned on the water and washed his hands and arms to get the biggest part of the grime off. 

 As he turned off the water and started putting away his tools, Daniel spoke up.   

“Hey Jack, you hungry?” he asked without looking away from his laptop. 

“Always,” he replied. “Too beat to cook. Wanna go out?” 

“Can’t. Gotta get this translation done for SG-13.”  

“You can take an hour or two away from it to eat.” Jack came over to his chair and put his still-dripping hands on Daniel’s shoulders. He leaned down and kissed Daniel’s cheek, smiling when Daniel turned to look up at him after a brief roll of the eyes at having Jack’s big wet hands patting him.  

“And by the time we get home, you’ll want me in bed, and we’ll be fucking the rest of the day away,” he returned with a knowing grin. “Unfortunately, I’ve got to get this done by tonight.  Their briefing is first thing in the morning, and I have to tell them what to expect out there.” 

Jack was a little nonplussed that Daniel had seen right through him and tuned into his plan so easily.

But then, that was Jack’s plan every day – get Daniel distracted from his work and into bed as often as possible.

 Jack simply couldn’t get enough of him. 

“So, how long?” he asked. 

“If I eat while I’m working, maybe midnight.” Daniel was already staring at the computer screen again, his attention shifting rapidly away from their libidos to _his_ second greatest passion. 

Jack saw the shift happening and didn’t mind playing second fiddle to Daniel's work. Jack believed his lover might very well save all of humanity one day, and it was perfectly okay to take a back seat to a mission of such magnitude. “I’ll order out, then. You wanna move inside where it’s cooler?” 

“Nah. I like the heat.”  

Jack knew Daniel was answering only with that tiny, distractible portion of his mind.  The rest of him was focused like a laser on his work. 

Jack bent down and kissed the top of Daniel’s hat, then strolled into the house alone.

It was cool inside, and dim after being outside in the bright sun. He waited for a moment for his eyes to adjust and then made a beeline for the phone. He dialed the number for their favorite pizza joint without having to look it up, placed their order and headed off to shower and change.  

By the time he was done and dressed, the delivery boy had arrived. Jack paid for the pizza and took it to the kitchen, poured Daniel a big icy lemonade, then took the box and his glass outside.

Clearing a place beside the laptop and books on the table, Jack set the items down, directed Daniel’s attention to it and stayed long enough to make sure his partner had actually taken a bite before going back inside to enjoy his own food.  

The pizza went down fast, and with nothing on television to watch, Jack moved from the recliner to his desk and unrolled the landscape plan for his yard that he had worked on so diligently for the last few months.   

Most of what he wanted done was already planted, but he had left several areas along the watercourse untouched until that part of the plan was completed. Another few weeks, and he’d be ready to start ordering the other plants, though they wouldn’t arrive until early fall for planting. He intended to spend the rest of the summer preparing the soil, composting, mulching and fertilizing, pulling weeds and searching the internet for any additional exotics he might need for the garden. 

Only one spot remained in its native state, because Jack hadn’t decided what to put there yet.

He’d talked to Daniel about it, wanting his input for the wooded area at the rear of his property.

Far back in the trees, a stone wall had been built long before he’d bought the land, marking the dividing line between Jack’s yard and Bear Creek Canyon Park. It ran precisely along the property line through the middle of the woods, then made a sharp angle and cut toward the neighbors’ side yards, tapering down to rubble just at the tree line. Bushes had been planted where the walls ended in a neat row, fencing off the side yards with natural screens.

That area in the back, deep in the trees, was the most private space in Jack’s yard. Sitting with one’s back against the wall, it gave the impression of being completely lost in the woods, since not even the house was visible through the foliage. 

Jack had plans for that area. He wanted it to be a romantic, secluded spot where he and Daniel could go to make love outdoors, on occasion. It had to be just right, though, and he didn’t have a clue how to arrange it yet. Daniel had promised to think about it, but Jack wasn’t sure he’d even been listening when he told his lover what ambiance he wanted to create for that spot. 

Spreading his fingers across the paper, Jack closed his eyes and let his imagination take flight. There would be candles, all sitting in little hollowed-out stones or other protected places where they wouldn’t ignite fires if accidentally turned over. The sound of running water would be nearby from the garden’s closest waterfall, and the air would be perfumed with the scent of blooming flowers in the not too distant yard. It would be warm out, and crickets would be chirping as twilight turned into night.  

And there would be Daniel.  

Glorious, naked Daniel, lying on his back on the fertile earth, looking up at Jack with love in his eyes. Filled with reverence and passion, Jack would kneel over him, looking down into his beautiful face, seeing radiant adoration glowing back at him from those azure eyes. Jack would rock him slowly, gently, taking great care to be exquisitely tender as he thrust into his lover’s willing body. 

God, how he wanted Daniel!

How he dreamed of having all of him, but they were still a long way from that kind of intimacy.   

Jack sighed and tucked the fantasy quietly away, keeping it for later, wrapping it up fondly in the depths of his heart.   

He smiled to himself. Daniel had confessed to him the morning after their first intimate encounter that he wasn’t adept in bed. Jack hadn’t believed him, not really caring what kind of sexual skill Daniel had. The last month or so he hadn’t been able to do much, anyway, limited as he was by his injury.

Jack had been careful with him, holding back every time they touched, making sure he did most of the moving himself so Daniel could just lie still and enjoy it.

Daniel had reciprocated with hand-jobs that were a nice change from Jack doing it himself, and they had both relished the kissing and mutual fondling tremendously. 

They had looked forward to Daniel regaining more mobility, and their patience was paying off. Daniel’s knee would always cause him some pain, but he was getting really good with his cane and used it without even thinking about it now, as if it were part of him. When standing at a bookcase, he hung the cane’s crook in his pants pocket and placed most of his weight on his good leg. He could get up and down with little trouble now, and his physical therapy sessions were rebuilding the muscle tone lost during his recovery.  

He looked good. He felt good, and Jack knew Janet Fraiser would be releasing him from the therapy sessions very soon. He was almost well… or as well as he was going to get, anyway. 

That meant Jack could think about taking their blossoming relationship to the next level. He still didn’t know that much about gay lifestyles or sexual practices, but having been married for so many years in his past life, he did know a thing or two about making love. Some of the mechanics were a little different for a couple of guys, but he knew what turned Jack O’Neill on, and was pretty certain some of that might work for Daniel Jackson, too. 

It was time, then, to start teaching Daniel how to find his own Inner Hedonist.

Tonight would obviously not be the night, but having time alone on Jack’s hands would not be wasted.  

He returned to the living room sofa and took a seat in the cool, dim interior, looking out the big windows at the brightly lit man outside.

 Jack relaxed against the cushions, engaging in his favorite pastime of Daniel-watching, searching for the right techniques and tools with which to give his lessons.   

One should always start with the familiar in order to provide context for the new. 

Daniel’s right leg was propped in a second chair, keeping it straight. That was the most comfortable position for him, though he could bend it almost 90 degrees now when necessary. His other foot rested on the deck and his lap was piled with a couple of books, his open journal on top. He stared at the screen on his laptop, reading something, his lips moving silently to form the words. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, and Jack’s dick reacted instantly. 

“You are _so_ sexy when you do that, and you don’t even know it,” Jack murmured to the window. It struck him that Daniel didn’t really know how to _intentionally_ be sexy. The man had spent so much of his life in deep contemplation that he was oblivious to his own attractiveness, and didn’t have a clue how to seduce anyone.     

It seemed Jack’s hobby of Daniel-watching was paying off. 

As Jack gazed at him, mesmerized by the depth of his beauty, Daniel reached for his lemonade and took a big drink, setting the glass back down in the same spot without tearing his eyes from the screen. He frowned at it. He squinted at it.

Then he picked up a small stone tablet lying on the table and stared at it instead. His fingers stroked the grainy surface, tracing the incised carvings as if reading Braille. His lips were moving, forming the words in that alien language, and his eyes closed as he concentrated. He felt each character, reading with his fingertips. 

God, Jack thought Daniel was amazing.  Jack was crazy about him, about everything he did.   

Suddenly, Daniel started, eyes popping wide open, staring at the tablet. Obviously excited by whatever discovery he had just made, his lips moved faster, eyes widening, body wriggling as if he were dancing inside.  He gently poked one of the characters with his index finger, poked it a second time for emphasis, and then carefully set the tablet down. A light bulb had gone off over his head, and the linguist’s world was undoubtedly a little brighter now. 

Jack hoped that maybe it wouldn’t be midnight when Daniel finished after all. 

Jack grinned to himself, lacing his fingers together behind his head and leaning back against his hands. He just sat there, delighting in watching the wonder that was Daniel and plotting a world-class seduction for their upcoming weekend off.

 

* * *

 

 

**8 July**

**Two Days Later**  

The scent of coffee awakened Daniel on Saturday morning, his 39th birthday. He opened his eyes and noticed that Jack wasn’t in their bed. As he turned over, he saw a cup of hot coffee sitting on the nightstand, along with a note card with his name on it, written in Jack’s hand.

With a groan, he sat up, swinging his legs off the side of the mattress.  

He took a deep breath and reached for the coffee, carefully taking a sip.  The temperature was perfect, just hot enough to drink without burning his tongue.  Jack must have just poured it minutes ago, but Daniel had been dead to the world and hadn’t heard him in the bathroom or anywhere else in the house. 

He was probably outside in the garden already, the thought of which made Daniel smile. 

He’d watched their backyard turn from an ordinary green lawn backed with trees into the most amazingly crafted landscape he’d ever seen.  Due to a new once-a-month allergy medication developed off-world and shared by some of their new alien allies, the pollen no longer bothered him. He’d actually begun to enjoy spending time outside, doing his work in the summer sunshine, glancing up occasionally to watch Jack toiling away on the yard.  

That Jack was such an avid gardener had surprised Daniel, but he’d seen that the plans Jack had drawn out were precise and thoughtfully crafted, taking in the amount of sun on each area of the yard, zone hardiness of each species of plant, and the most important element of all, the secret messages represented by every flower. 

Jack’s garden was a love letter to Daniel. He’d read the list of flower names Jack planted and what each flower represented.  After Daniel had translated the initial code and responded in kind, Jack had finally labeled the drawing, and Daniel had studied it, using the list Jack had written down to read the message.  He’d been incredibly surprised by the poetically beautiful sentiment.  

Jack might not have been able to say the words, but he’d carefully chosen the message, and it was indescribably romantic.  Daniel had asked him where he’d learned about the language of flowers, but he’d been hesitant to try to explain, promising to reveal that secret in time. 

And Daniel had promised to give him that, knowing Jack would keep his word. 

With a sigh of satisfaction, Daniel slipped on his glasses, then picked up the note card and opened it. 

_Daniel,_

_Today we embark on a wonderful journey together, as my birthday gift to you. I hope this is a trip you will want to take with me, and that you enjoy the experience._

_Breakfast will be on the table by the time you’ve finished your shower._

_Don’t dress yet, though. Put on just your robe, because a massage therapist will be arriving at 1000 hours to get you started._

_Whatever happens today, Daniel, don’t think.  Just feel.  That’s what it’s all about today.  How you feel._  

_Happy birthday._

_Love,_

_Jack_

A smile swept across Daniel’s face. He glanced at the clock and saw that there was barely going to be time to get ready before the massage therapist arrived. He took his coffee into the bathroom and drank half the cup while the water was heating. He showered and shaved quickly, toweled off his hair, and wrapped the towel around his waist, donning his robe on top of that. He ran a comb through his hair and downed the rest of the coffee, put on his glasses, then hobbled into the kitchen with his cane. 

On the table, a large bowl was turned upside down over a plate. Daniel lifted off the bowl and found a lightly toasted English muffin liberally covered in blueberry jam waiting for him. It wasn’t a large breakfast, but he’d have just enough time to eat it all before his appointment.  

He poured himself another cup of coffee, then sat down to eat, glancing around the quiet house and wondering where Jack was.

He called out to him, but there was no answer, no sound in the house other than the noises he made himself.

There was barely time to set his dishes into the sink and get his teeth brushed before the doorbell rang. 

He opened it to an older man with long salt and pepper hair, stylishly pulled back into a ponytail. “Doctor Jackson?” he asked politely, offering a warm smile and a firm handshake. “I’m Randall James. Colonel O’Neill called to set up this appointment for you.” He presented his card. 

Daniel glanced at it. The card looked professional and so did the man, his worktable folded up and sitting on the porch beside his feet.  He was wearing khaki trousers and a pale blue chambray work shirt, the long sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms. He looked fit and muscular, with very strong hands. 

“Right this way,” said Daniel, showing him into the foyer. “I have no idea where you should set up. Did Jack give you any instructions on that?” 

“The Colonel requested the living room, for the view out the windows,” James assured him. He chuckled a little. "I just can't get used to calling him 'mister' now. He'll always be ‘the Colonel’ to me." 

“Yeah. Me, too.” Daniel gestured the man into the living room, smiling at the man’s acknowledgment of Jack's civilian status. Daniel felt the same way, that he would always see Jack as a military man, even without the uniform and dog tags.    

Randall moved the coffee table aside, turning it so it was parallel to the hearth rather than the sofa. He set up the massage table in the middle of the living room, glancing appreciatively out at the yard. “I can see why he picked this room.”  

“Yeah, that’s Jack’s handiwork. It’s beautiful.” Daniel looked out and thought he saw movement, far back in the trees.

It could have been Jack, but he wasn’t sure. 

“If you have some preferred music, you might want to put that on,” the therapist suggested as he began to drape the table with sheets and set out various oils on the coffee table, along with several small towels. “And the room should be warmer.  Would you adjust the temperature, also?” 

“Warm enough to sweat?” 

“No, just so you don’t get a chill.  You should be relaxing, not tensing up.” 

Daniel went to the central air controls and made the adjustment, then headed for the small stereo in the living room to look for appropriate music. He smiled as he spied the CD player standing open, a homemade CD already on the turntable.

The silver disc had _“Massage Music”_ written in magic marker, also in Jack’s hand. 

He closed the lid and turned it on, then went to stand by the table, hands stuffed into the pockets of his navy blue robe, cane hanging in the right pocket beneath his hand.

Strains of Beethoven filled the room, one of Daniel’s favorite pieces.   

“I’ve never had a massage before,” he mentioned, feeling a little nervous at the prospect of this new experience. 

The therapist smiled at him. “I’ve been doing this for probably as long as you’ve been alive, sir,” he said quietly. “My clients tell me I’m the best.”

He patted the table, now mostly covered with a clean sheet, except for the slotted end. “I’ll step into the foyer and you can take off your robe and lie on the table. Put your face into this little slot here on this end and call me when you’re ready.” 

“Um.” Daniel held up a finger. “I’m wearing a towel under this. I hope that’s okay?” He reached for the sash on his robe. 

James nodded. “Yes, sir. Once you’re face down, you’ll need to pull the towel out from beneath you, so it’s just draped over your hips. All right?” 

"Yes, thank you." Daniel watched the other man retreat to the foyer, keeping his back to the living room. Daniel took off his robe and laid it across the sofa, then carefully climbed up onto the table, lying face down on the sheet. He wriggled around a little to get the towel around his hips out from under him, then finally tucked his nose into the slot cut into the comfortably upholstered table, just for that purpose.  Two soft, fluffy towels lined either side of the opening for comfort.  

He lifted his head enough to call the man, and stretched his arms out on the table beside himself, palms up. 

The therapist told him what he was going to do before his first touch, speaking quietly. Warmed oil slid across Daniel’s back, slicking up his skin to reduce friction while James’ hands worked his muscles. Daniel found himself relaxing as the man talked in his soft, almost hypnotic voice. Combined with the wonderful sensations the therapist’s hands evoked in his body, Daniel felt himself drifting, his mind numbed and floating in a sea of pleasure. 

All the way down Daniel’s back those hands worked, then on one arm, now the other. Daniel felt his muscles were like melted butter, pliable and relaxed. The scent of the warm almond oil filled his nostrils, and he began to wonder if he could still move, or if he were drugged somehow by this experience. He twitched a finger, then a toe, and smiled to himself, thinking how silly that momentary curiosity had been. 

When the man had finished with his legs and feet, Daniel was almost asleep. He didn’t want to move, not a single muscle, just continue to lie there and breathe. The therapist patted his shoulder to let Daniel know he was finished. 

“Just lie still, Doctor Jackson,” said James quietly. “Colonel O’Neill has promised to return my table later, so you can stay there just as long as you like. I’ll gather up the rest of my things and let myself out.” 

“Mmmmm,” said Daniel, barely conscious. “Um. Should I tip you or something? I don’t know the protocol here.” 

“No, sir. It’s all been taken care of by the Colonel.”  

“It was wonderful, Randall. Thank you.” 

“You’re quite welcome.” 

“I wanna hire you for Jack. My gift to him. He should know what this feels like.” Daniel sighed contentedly. 

“Colonel O’Neill has been my client for years, Doctor,” Randall confided. “Doctor Fraiser recommended me to him about four years back. He usually comes to my office for his treatments. This is the first time I've made a house call for him.” 

That was a surprise. Jack didn’t seem the massage type, but if Janet had recommended it, Daniel could see how he’d follow her advice to the letter. Daniel thought about that, about when that might have happened, and realized after a few minutes that he was alone. The guy must be accustomed to moving quietly, so as not to disturb his clients. 

After lying still and enjoying the relaxation for a few minutes, Daniel began to gather himself to move, one muscle group at a time. Carefully, he eased onto his left side and pushed himself upright. A rush of dizziness made him wobble a little, and he waited until it passed before getting to his feet. His cane was right there in reach, and after he fastened the towel back around himself, he turned to look out the windows at the beautiful garden. 

He recited the meanings of some of the plants to himself.  _Declaration of love. Devotion. Domestic happiness. Romance._  

Jack O’Neill was quite the poet, in his own way, and an artist as well. One look out the window or a stroll in the yard would be the same as the recitation of a sonnet and an exquisite painting, all rolled into one. Daniel couldn’t help smiling, understanding the concept, and how well it fit the man with whom he had fallen in love.

Jack wasn’t a man who could express his feelings verbally. He couldn’t talk about that sort of thing, because he just wasn’t made that way. Conversation about emotional subjects just made Jack uncomfortable. 

 _This_ was how Jack expressed himself, with his body and his actions. When the idea had struck him to speak in the language of flowers, he had thrown himself body and soul into creating this masterpiece for the man he loved.  

It had taken a while, but Daniel had gotten the message, and now he could read his floral love letter every day. Part of him dreaded the coming of winter and having all that beauty gone even temporarily, but most of it would be back the following spring, and Jack would most likely write an entirely different message with the new annuals he chose to take the place of the ones that would die off in the coming autumn. 

Daniel slipped on his robe and headed for the bedroom to dress for the day. When he got there, he saw that their bed had been made. There was another note on the neatly spread covers, waiting for him.

 

_Don’t get dressed yet. Just wrap up in a towel and come to the foyer when your nose tells you it’s time._

_Love,_

_Jack_

 

Daniel sniffed the air. He could smell scent of almond oil on his skin, but nothing else. His stomach growled, reminding him it had been a long time since that small breakfast. Checking the bedside clock, he saw that it was a little past noon, and he was hungry.

Jack must be planning on making lunch. 

With a sigh, Daniel followed the instructions on the note, then lay down on the bed and picked up a novel Jack had been reading from the nightstand. He skimmed through the book, a military mystery by Nelson DeMille, and found it interesting, though predictable.

As Daniel skipped ahead to read the ending, his stomach began protesting even more loudly. 

The scent of garlic wafted to him and he rose, laying the book aside. Grabbing his cane, he adjusted the towel and made his way down the hall, sniffing a mixture of aromas, all edible and mouthwatering.

Jack met him in the foyer, still shirtless, barefoot, dressed only in a pair of well-worn, form fitting jeans, his new earring glinting in his left lobe.

He held a strip of black cloth in his right hand. 

With a welcoming smile, Daniel glanced down at it, then up at Jack’s face.  “What’s up, Jack?” 

“You told me a little while back that you didn’t think you were very good in bed,” Jack murmured, his voice a low, husky, sexy purr, his expression filled with warmth and quiet joy. “I thought you might enjoy learning how to start changing that. I don’t have any complaints, but I want you to feel confident when we’re together. And it could be fun.”   

 _That_ was a surprise. “Oh. Okay.” A thrill of excitement and anticipation shot straight to Daniel’s groin. “What exactly did you have in mind?” 

“Love school,” Jack replied evenly. Something hot and sweet glimmered in his eyes and a tiny little smile softened the corners of his sexy mouth. “Your first lessons started this morning.”

 

 _Whatever happens today, Daniel, don’t think. Just feel._  

_Come to the foyer when your nose tells you it’s time._

As Daniel remembered the lines Jack had written in his notes, he understood. “This is about experiencing the senses, reaction without thought,” he guessed. 

Jack smiled a little more, and nodded.  His eyes were liquid and warm, burning with secret fire.  “Yes, Daniel.  Don’t think about anything.  Let your senses be your guide.” 

He glanced down at the cloth in his hand, then back up at Daniel.  “Do you trust me?” 

Daniel nodded.  “Implicitly.” 

“I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.  You know that, right?” 

“Yes.” 

Jack swallowed hard, shame fleeting across his face.  He lowered his chin and gave Daniel a slightly guilty look from under his brows.  “I know I’ve hurt you in the past, but I never meant to do that.  Things just-- sometimes they happen.  But not anymore.  I want everything between us to be--” 

He shrugged helplessly, eyes downcast again, waiting for a response from Daniel. 

“I know, Jack.  I forgave you.  The slate is clean between us.”  He wanted to reach out and embrace Jack, to kiss him and comfort him, but something held him back. 

Lifting his head, Jack squared his shoulders and quietly loosed a pent-up breath. 

“Choose a command word, Daniel,” Jack told him gently, stepping closer. 

He took Daniel’s cane and leaned it against the wall, carefully lifted Daniel’s glasses off his nose and set them on the little table beside the front door, then raised his hands and started to place the cloth over Daniel’s eyes. 

“Whoa, wait a minute!”  Daniel hobbled back a step, pushing the blindfold down with one hand.  “I’m not into kink.” 

“I’m not, either,” Jack promised, looking him in the eye.  “You said you trusted me.  _Implicitly_.  If you want to enjoy sex more, I’d like for you to do this with me, just this once.  Can you trust me enough to try it?” 

Daniel hesitated, not sure just how freaked out he should be at the moment. 

Jack lowered the blindfold, his eyes gentle and loving. 

He put one hand on Daniel's cheek, just touching him, demanding nothing. 

“Whatever I’m doing, if you want me to stop, just say the word and I will.  You control me with that one word.  I control everything else for the moment.  Do you understand?” 

Fear tempered with desire shot through Daniel, animating his dick. 

He nodded, his mouth gone dry again. 

“You’re sure you’re not into bondage, Jack?” 

“No.  This is about taste and smell, nothing else.  It’s about getting lost in those two senses, so we’ll just be trying to shut out everything else.”  

“All right, then.” 

He closed his eyes and let Jack tie the blindfold snugly around his head. 

Daniel could feel Jack’s body heat, he stood so close. The heat moved around to his side and then behind him.  Jack’s hands caught Daniel’s wrists and pulled them back, then loosely tied them with another soft cloth.  Daniel’s mind started racing, a thrill of fear slamming into him, but just for a moment.  

 _This was Jack_ , he reminded himself, _and this was about love. About sex. About pleasure._  

“Jack,” he called urgently, fear getting the best of him.  

“Right here, Danny.” Jack’s warm breath puffed against the back of Daniel’s neck, followed by a kiss. 

Daniel stepped forward and twisted around to face Jack, his bad knee protesting at the unsupported movement. 

“Don’t get behind me.  I don’t like that.  I don’t want you _behind_ me.” 

“Don’t be scared,” Jack murmured.  “It’s just me.  I won’t do anything to hurt you, I promise.” 

His hands touched Daniel’s shoulders, rubbing slowly up and down his arms. 

Jack moved closer, touching his cheek to Daniel’s. 

“Can you think of a safe word now?” 

Mind racing, Daniel felt himself thrust unpleasantly back into the past.  Images coursed through his memory, and he gasped a little, his body shuddering, wanting nothing more than to be released, to see where he was, to be back in control.

Panic was starting to rise inside him. 

“Untie me, Jack,” he ordered.  “I can’t do this.” 

Jack’s body was suddenly pressed up against his, naked chest to naked chest. 

“Shhhh,” Jack whispered against his ear.  The other man’s arms wrapped around him, his hands closing around Daniel’s back and caressing slowly down his arms to his wrists.  Jack’s face pressed gently into Daniel’s neck, his lips stroking sensuously against Daniel’s throat. 

“Don’t be afraid, babe.  It’s just me,” he repeated.  “And this is for both of us.  Don’t think.  Just feel.” 

The sound of Jack’s voice, the sensation of his warm breath gusting along Daniel’s neck and the familiar comfort of his touch banished those terrible memories, and Daniel was suddenly right there in the foyer with his lover again. 

Calm returned, his rapid heartbeat the only evidence of his momentary terror.  

Daniel took a big breath.  “I’m okay, Jack.  It’s all right now.” 

“Still want me to take the blindfold off?” 

“No.  Never mind,” Daniel amended, turning slightly to take his wrists out of Jack’s grasp as he was already starting to untie the knot. 

“You sure?  I’ll stop anytime you want.” 

Daniel nodded, only slightly unnerved now by the blindfold and binding.  He _did_ trust Jack implicitly.  _Jack_ wasn’t the cause of his irrational fear.  Jack would never hurt him on purpose; would never do anything to betray the trust stretching between them.  

“Okay. The safe word is _fides_ , Jack.” 

“Trust,” he translated.  “You’re safe with me, Danny.  I promise.” 

“I know.”  Daniel smiled a little, working hard to recover.  “So seduce me, already.” 

“That’s not what this is about,” Jack assured him, catching him by one elbow and leading him along. “Come into the living room.  Watch your step.  Ramp right here.” 

They went down the short ramp over the steps into the sunken living room, Jack guiding him along, half supporting him with an arm around his waist as he limped along. 

“Here’s the coffee table,” Jack announced.  “There’s a pillow on it. I’m gonna sit you down there.” 

Daniel turned around, let Jack back him up until his calves touched the edge of the table, and started to lower himself.  His bad knee gave out, and he dropped quickly onto his butt on the pillow with a little groan. 

Reaching out with his other senses, Daniel smelled the mix of different foods and his stomach rumbled. 

“Patience,” Jack admonished gently. 

Daniel could hear the smile in his voice. 

“Hungry,” he shot back with a grin, duplicating Jack’s exact tone of voice. 

This just might be fun, he decided, surrendering the last remaining resistance to Jack’s experiment. 

“We’ll start with something I don’t think you’ve ever tried before,” Jack told him. 

“What is it?” 

“This isn’t about what you know,” said Jack quietly.  “It’s about what you feel, what your senses tell you. Some of these things you’ll like, others you’ll love, some you may hate, but we won’t know for sure till we try.  It’s about the flavors, the smell, the textures.  Experience each one with no preconceived notions, no names or ingredients, no peeks to make you decide before your tongue tells you whether or not it's good.  Okay?” 

Daniel nodded.  

“Open your mouth,” Jack commanded gently. 

Daniel did.  Something warm settled on his tongue.  He couldn’t identify the taste at all.  Whatever it was had the consistency of paste, thick and kind of creamy.  It tasted rich and strong, but pleasant. 

 He chewed and swallowed. 

“More?” 

Another bite of the same item was dispatched and enjoyed.  “Good. But what was that?” 

“I’m making a list for you to check later,” said Jack. 

The sound of a pencil scratching across paper filtered through to Daniel’s ears.  “Okay, good. ‘Cause I liked that.  Put a check by it, so I’ll know when I read the list later.” 

“Okay.  Next one.  Open.” 

This item was cold and smooth.  Jack rubbed it along Daniel’s lower lip, teasing him with it.  It was completely flavorless until he bit down on it _.  A grape_ , he decided _.  White, not purple._  

A chocolate-dipped strawberry came next, and Daniel made approving noises as he chewed and swallowed, licked his lips and opened his mouth for more.  Then something spicy and crunchy, maybe a chip and salsa.  There was _kung pao_ chicken with crunchy peanuts and hot Szechuan peppers, broiled shrimp dipped in butter, toast and jelly, pancake and syrup, roast beef and mashed potatoes. 

Daniel never had any idea what was coming next and found himself anticipating temperature and texture in addition to flavor. 

It was a fun game, and Daniel decided to play a little with Jack as well.  Whenever he felt fingers enter his mouth rather than a spoon or fork, he closed his lips over Jack’s digits and sucked on them, listening for the groan of approval from his lover and smiling when he got it. 

“Kiss me,” Daniel ordered happily.  “I want to taste you next, Jack.” 

His lover complied eagerly.  Daniel could smell Jack’s breath before their lips touched. 

Jack had been eating something chocolate, and Daniel could taste it on his tongue. 

He whimpered as Jack drew away. 

“Mmm.  More,” he begged. 

Heat and pressure filled his groin.  He was getting hard.  He wanted Jack, his hunger for food more than satisfied.  He could feel his erection rising beneath the towel, rubbing against the rough terrycloth fabric. 

It was incredibly erotic. 

The cold metal of a spoon touched his lower lip. 

Daniel turned his head away.  “No more, Jack.  I want _you_ , now.” 

“Careful, Daniel,” warned Jack softly.  “This is about the senses.  Taste, smell, sound, touch. Not about what you see or what you know.” 

Daniel thought about that.  The spoon touched his lip again, and he opened and chewed, still thinking.  He wanted to reach out and touch Jack, to pull off the blindfold and look at him, but he couldn’t, which was probably why Jack had tied his hands in the first place. 

All Daniel had to tell him anything about Jack were his ears and nose. 

And his mouth. 

In the month they had been lovers, Daniel had never tasted Jack’s body, never kissed him anywhere below his shoulders. 

 Jack, on the other hand, had gone down on Daniel often, and joyously.  Jack had loved his entire body with his mouth, scars and all.

The realization of that sent a pang of sorrowful desire through Daniel. 

He turned away from the next item smoothed across his lips.  

“Jack,” he whispered.  “Let me taste you.” 

Warm, strawberry flavored lips captured his. 

Daniel enjoyed the kiss and dodged to the side after Jack pulled away, knowing some other edible would be on its way to his mouth. 

He shook his head.  “I want to taste _you,_ Jack.  Take your pants off.” 

For a moment, there was nothing, no sound to indicate any movement.  Daniel could picture Jack just sitting there with a giant hard-on, studying him, wanting to make sure. 

“What are you waiting for? I’m sure,” Daniel told him. 

The rustle of clothing told Daniel when Jack stood up.  He heard the jeans unsnap, the zipper travel slowly down its track, and more rustling of fabric.  He heard bare feet take tiny little steps closer, padding softly against the carpet, and then warm hands touched Daniel’s shoulders, sliding down his arms. 

He felt Jack bend over his shoulder to untie his wrists, and Daniel brought his hands into his lap as Jack straightened up. 

“Do you want me to take the blindfold off?”  Daniel asked uncertainly.  “Is that why you untied me?” 

“No.  You just need a little more control here for this.  I don’t wanna choke you.” 

That sent a little shiver up Daniel’s spine and made goosebumps on his arms.  “Oh. Yeah. Right.” 

Those familiar hands touched Daniel’s face, one smoothing through his hair, the other cupping his cheek. 

Jack’s thumb ran along Daniel’s lower lip, and he caught it with his teeth, holding it for a moment in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. 

Jack still tasted like strawberries, and Daniel smiled. 

“Ready?” asked Jack, his voice breathless. 

Daniel’s hands came up, feeling for Jack’s legs, contacting warm, hairy thighs.  His hands skimmed upward, mapping Jack’s lean hips, the curve of his buttocks, his sides and flat belly.  Carefully, his fingers explored the nest of Jack’s pubic hair, shifting downward to encircle the base of his cock.  Daniel cupped Jack’s balls in his right hand, felt the weight of them, the way his skin tightened and relaxed in waves all over his sac.

Daniel knew what that felt like from personal experience, the tingling pleasure that was a natural reaction to being touched in that intimate place. 

He leaned forward, opening his mouth wide, and feeling the heat of Jack’s shaft pass over his sensitized lips, he closed them around him. Heat and cold filled his mouth, musky and sweet on his tongue. 

Daniel’s brows drew together beneath the blindfold, trying to figure out the warring flavors he was tasting.

When it struck him, he had to laugh, deep in his throat, unwilling to let go of his lip-grip on Jack’s dick, covered as it was in chocolate sauce. 

Jack’s hands carded through Daniel’s hair as he sucked harder, drawing the big erection deeper into his mouth, as deep as he could take it.  Daniel’s tongue got busy trying to lick off every drop of chocolate, no mean feat since most of it was on the top and Daniel’s tongue was underneath it.  He got creative, swirling his tongue, turning his head from side to side, concentrating on the taste of this wonderful new Jack-flavored treat. 

“Jesus,” Jack sighed, his hands stroking Daniel everywhere he could reach. “I’ve created a monster!” 

“Mmmmm,” agreed Daniel, sucking harder. 

“Jeez, Danny,” Jack wheezed, his hands pushing slightly now.  “I’m gonna… gotta come out now.” 

Daniel wasn’t having any of that.  He had thrown himself wholeheartedly into this new experience, and wanted to see if Jack's come were cappuccino flavored, too. 

He grasped Jack’s hips when he tried to pull back, sucking him deeper, greedily demanding more. 

“Danny, stop,” Jack ground out breathlessly.  “I’m gonna c… So close. God, can’t stop...” 

Jack’s hands settled lightly on Daniel’s cheeks, his hips flexing now, thrusting gently into Daniel’s mouth.  His breathing changed, shallow pants that Daniel knew meant he was almost there.  He sucked harder, taking Jack deeper still, swallowing him whole, the fingers of his left hand encircling the base of Jack’s cock, his right massaging Jack’s balls. Then Jack’s dick was throbbing against his tongue, filling his mouth and throat with come, balls tightening and pulsing in his hand. 

It was wonderful.  Daniel had his nose pressed up against Jack’s pubic hair, inhaling the unique, intimate scent of Jack O’Neill. 

The noises Jack was making turned Daniel on wildly. 

Jack’s fingers mindlessly stroked Daniel’s face, petting and loving him. 

Daniel kept sucking, swirling his tongue and making Jack grunt as he pulled still more spasms out of his lover. 

“Wow,” Jack wheezed, finally pulling his softening cock out of Daniel’s mouth.  

Daniel swallowed his mouthful, deciding he liked the unique taste, and smiled.  He heard Jack sit down heavily on a chair. 

“As blowjobs go,” Jack mused in a shaky, awestruck whisper, “that was pretty damned amazing for a first-timer.” 

“Thank you,” said Daniel smugly.  “I like to think I’m a fast learner.”  He chuckled.  “And that chocolate sauce was a stroke of genius, Jack.” 

“Chocolate sauce?” asked Jack innocently.  “What chocolate sauce?” 

Daniel wriggled on the table.  “C’mon. It’s my turn now, isn’t it?  Do I take the blindfold off now?” 

“No. Lean back on your hands. Don’t think. Just feel.” 

Warm hands caressed Daniel’s shoulders, moving steadily down his body.  He felt Jack untuck the towel from around his waist and lay it aside.  

“Kiss first?” asked Daniel with a smile. “I know you love the taste of your come on a kiss, Jack.” 

“You do learn fast,” Jack praised, leaning in close. 

Daniel could feel the heat of him on his lips before Jack made contact, and the flavor of Jack’s tongue only enhanced the fading tang of semen on his taste buds.

The kiss was sweet and hot, and over much too soon.

A tap on Daniel’s good knee told him what Jack wanted him to do. 

“Chocolate sauce?” Daniel suggested with a smile. 

“Nah, I’m a purist.” 

Daniel spread his legs and Jack eased between them, pressing their bodies together in a gentle embrace. 

Jack kissed Daniel’s neck, then worked his way slowly downward, licking up the little dollops of food and drink and sauces that had dripped off Daniel’s chin or been spilled as he ate.

Daniel concentrated on his sense of touch, picturing in his mind Jack’s posture according to the positions of his hands, mouth and body. 

 _Don’t think_ , Jack had told him. 

Daniel put all of his mind into his skin, feeling the warm currents of air waft across him as Jack exhaled, the wet trails left behind his tongue cooling as the spit evaporated, his hands restless as they stroked and squeezed Daniel’s back and thighs.

Jack’s mouth was hot as it enveloped his left nipple, suckling him, drawing the bud of hardening flesh between gently nibbling teeth. 

Liquid heat shot straight from Daniel’s nipple to his dick and he gasped, wriggling on the table.  His legs clenched around Jack’s body, holding onto him in the only way he could.  He pushed forward a little, trying to force more of himself into Jack’s mouth. 

“Oh, God, Jack,” he panted.  “Harder!  Suck me harder.” 

He lifted his right hand from the table and clutched a handful of Jack’s long hair at the back of his head, pulling him closer still.  He quivered with need, head rocked back on his shoulders, gasping as his lover complied. 

One of Jack’s hands drifted lightly up and down his back, the other exploring his crotch, while Jack’s lips and tongue toyed with his nipple.  Knowing fingertips stroked up and down the sides of his dick, feathered through his pubic hair, probed the sensitive crease between his legs.  Jack’s teeth clamped firmly on his nipple, hard now with arousal, and Daniel gasped with delight.  He had always loved it when Jack did this, but now, not being able to look while he did it, the sensations were almost more than Daniel could bear.  

Jack’s hand moved from his back to his other nipple, pinching it to hardness, twirling and rubbing it until Daniel almost came unglued.  He was shouting his approval, his dick so hard it was ready to explode.  He hooked his left leg around Jack’s waist and pulled him closer, leaving Jack’s hands no room to work his cock.  Daniel thrust against Jack’s hairy chest, whimpering when Jack’s right hand left his balls and swept around his back, holding him tightly against his body while he suckled Daniel’s nipple. 

Daniel pushed instinctively against the floor with his right leg, but needles of pain made him suck in a breath and drop his butt back onto the pillow.  The pain was instantly forgotten in the haze of pleasure from Jack’s attention to his nipples as his mouth moved to the right.  He sucked increasingly harder as Daniel demanded more, pushing against him, flexing his chest, begging with a trembling voice. He lifted his left hand from the table and swept it around Jack’s back.  Daniel was completely unsupported now, hanging onto Jack for dear life. 

He wanted to look, wanted it more than he wanted to breathe, even though he had seen it a many times already.  He loved how Jack looked when they made love, relished doing it with the lights on, and Jack knew it.  But this was a tool Jack was using to teach him something, so he left the blindfold in place.  He concentrated harder on his skin, on the sensation of touch only, letting it sweep him away. 

The towel beneath his butt felt sort of spiky, the raised loops of terrycloth fabric poking almost painfully into his acutely sensitized skin.  He was starting to sweat, the moisture cooling his skin as it dried, hot where the sheen of perspiration covered him.  He could feel drops of it rolling down from his sideburns to the curve of his jaw, trickling over his throat.  

Breathlessly, Jack pulled his mouth away from Daniel’s nipple, his hands caressing, stroking gently over Daniel’s chest, his back, his hips and thighs.

Daniel felt rough spots on Jack’s right hand that had to be calluses, and they were cooler than the rest of his hand.  Those hands pushed his legs wider apart, and one caught Daniel’s balls again, squeezing and massaging them. 

He whimpered, his nipples hot and smarting, missing the pleasure-pain of Jack’s mouth and fingers.  Now Jack’s tongue was warm and rough as it moved down Daniel’s belly, Jack’s breath coming out in hot little gusts against his skin.

Daniel could feel the difference when Jack used the sides of his tongue, curling it around the base of his cock, because it was smoother and cooler.  

“I’m close,” he whispered, cradling Jack’s face in his hands, feeling every plane of cheek and jaw, delicately exploring Jack’s ears and hair with his fingertips.

“Oh, Jack,” he murmured.  “This is so fucking good!”   

Wet heat enclosed his dick, and Daniel sucked in a deep, quick breath, his head falling back as a wave of pleasure shot up from his cock, radiating all through him, traveling through his skin like the shock of zat fire without the pain.  His ass muscles tensed, pushing him upward into Jack’s mouth.  He relaxed and drew back as Jack moved off him and then tensed again as his lover swallowed him deep into his throat.  Daniel’s whole being, his entire awareness, narrowed down to Jack’s mouth and his fingertips everywhere they touched him.  His skin tingled, his mind numb, burning hot everywhere their two bodies met, and cold everywhere else. 

“Oh, God,” Daniel whimpered.  “Gotta come. Don’t stop!” 

Fire and pressure coiled low in his belly, scorching him.

Then with a groan, he let himself go.   

The first jolt of ecstasy, when it arrived, hit him like a velvet hammer, pulsing as liquid flame coursed from his balls through his cock and into Jack’s hungry mouth.  Daniel’s hands cradled Jack’s face, lovingly caressed over his neck and shoulders, down his back as Jack bent to suck harder, to draw more, drink deeper.  Daniel struggled to breathe, leaning over Jack’s bowed head. 

“Mmmmm,” said Jack as his mouth let go.  “I never get tired of how you taste.” 

With a last gentle kiss to Daniel’s softening cock, he got up, and Daniel leaned back on his hands again. 

 “Wow.  You are so good at that,” Daniel panted appreciatively. 

“I’ve got some pretty special inspiration,” Jack murmured as he untied the blindfold and pulled it off.  After blinking a few times to adjust to the light, Daniel stood up with Jack’s help.   

They shared a long hug, standing quietly together, eyes closed, enjoying the afterglow. 

“Love you,” Daniel whispered to Jack’s appreciative hum of agreement. 

When Daniel drew back a bit and looked around the room, he saw cartons, plates and bowls of all kinds of foods all around them, most with just a bite or two missing. 

Daniel glanced around nervously and was relieved to see that Jack had pulled the drapes so the neighbors wouldn’t be able to see into the room.  

“What’s the next lesson, professor?” asked Daniel with a smile. 

“Go into the spare room and get dressed in the clothes I’ve laid out for you.” 

Jack gave him a brief, sweet kiss and disappeared down the hall into the master bedroom. 

Daniel grabbed his cane and went into the guest room, sat down on the bed and started to dress, taking note of the fact that no underwear had been laid out with his clothes. 

He took that to mean that Jack wanted him commando and put on his socks first, then the sleeveless black muscle shirt. 

When he picked up his black 501 jeans, he saw there was another card underneath. 

Daniel couldn’t put his pants on while standing anymore, so he sat down, pulled them on and up to his thighs, then stood and worked them on the rest of the way.  When he went to button them up, he noticed that these fit him more snugly than the jeans he was accustomed to wearing.  He noticed the shirt fit rather tightly, too, and shook his head, wondering what had gotten into his lover. 

Jack had probably bought the clothes for him, wanting to see him in something tight that showed off his body, rather than the baggy stuff he preferred to wear. 

Well, today was all about what Jack wanted, so Daniel decided to just go with it. 

He tucked his dick to the right and fastened the too-tight pants.  He wiggled in them experimentally, making sure the material would give as necessary to allow him to move.

Then he reached for the note and opened it. 

 

_Go into the office.  The computer is fired up and waiting.  I want you to compose a short message, riddle, whatever you want to write._

_The message can be a poem, a speech, or declaration.  No jokes allowed, please, because this is serious.  Whatever you write, it should come from your heart._

_Write something for me, Daniel.  Something you want me to know, just for us. _

_When you’re done, print it out, and go to the deck to wait for me._

_Love,_

_Jack_

“What are you up to, Jack O’Neill?” he wondered aloud, re-reading the note. 

The previous one had stressed, _Don’t think. Feel_. 

Now it seemed Jack was reversing himself, wanting Daniel to think up something clever to say. 

He took the note into the office and sat in the brown leather recliner, studying it, trying to understand what the underlying message was. 

Jack could do cryptic.  Daniel studied the note, keeping in mind the previous one as well.  Jack wanted Daniel to think about his feelings and craft a private message for Jack, just as he had made that garden outside for Daniel. 

With that in mind, Daniel got up and sat behind the desk, disabling the screen saver, and opened the word processing program.  He thought about what he wanted to say for a while, and started writing.  He wrote in English, just for a reference, to work on the exact wording.  He edited and shaped it, polished and refined it until he thought it said, as well as words could manage, what he felt for Jack. 

Then he printed it, saved it to a file on the hard drive, and headed outside. 

Out in the living room, the drapes covering the windows had been opened, and all the food and dishes had been cleaned up. 

Daniel hadn’t realized how long he’d been working on the letter, but it must have been well over an hour.  He’d barely noticed the passage of time while working on the message.  He shook his head, heading for the patio doors. 

Waiting for him on the deck table was a small wrapped package. 

He sat down to wait for Jack, watching the yard for his lover to appear. 

He didn’t hear a sound, but was suddenly aware of Jack’s presence beside him. 

He turned to look up at Jack, and his eyes widened.  Jack was wearing a towel, wrapped around his waist, and nothing else. 

“Go ahead and open your present,” Jack suggested.  There was no hint of a smile on his face, but something mysterious was gleaming in the depths of his whiskey brown eyes.  

Daniel thought it looked like love. 

He grinned and reached for the towel. 

Jack stepped back, dodging Daniel’s hands.  “Hey!  Not _that_ present!  Not yet, anyway!  The package on the table is your gift, Daniel,” he said, nodding toward the gold papered box. 

The tiniest smile danced at the corners of Jack’s mouth. “One of ‘em, anyway. You’ll get to unwrap me later.  Promise.” 

“Oh. Okay.”  Daniel turned and pulled the item toward him.  He carefully pulled the tape closures loose and unfolded the paper from around a small wooden box.  He opened it up and found a set of small glass bottles with black plastic dropper-tip caps, each one filled with a different bright color.  Along with them were a couple of paintbrushes, one tiny and delicate, and the other a bit larger.  

Frowning, he studied the label. 

“Tattoo paints?” he asked, incredulous, totally nonplussed.  “You gave me tattoo paints for my birthday.  What am I supposed to do with them?” 

“You use them to paint designs on skin, just like tattoos, except they wear off in a few days,” Jack explained.  ”Temporary tattoos.  No needles.  Nothing embarrassingly permanent.” 

He hesitated.  “And they’re only a small part of your birthday present.  The best stuff comes later.  Are you ready?” 

Daniel eyed him, still confused.  “For what?” 

Jack smiled then, hesitantly.  “To write me a letter.”  He stepped back toward the patio doors.  “Let’s go to our bedroom.” 

“Jack, what’s this all about?  I don’t get it.”  Daniel closed the box on the paints and stood up. 

“Bring the paints,” Jack instructed as he led the way into the house. “I want you to write that message you wrote on _me_ with these paints, only not in English. Maybe you could use hieroglyphs or something.” 

Daniel did as he was told, closing the door after them and locking it out of habit.  He followed Jack through the living room, watched him lock the front door as he passed it.  They walked together down the hall, into the bedroom they shared. 

“Where do you want me?” asked Jack as he turned to face Daniel. 

“Well, that depends,” Daniel shot back with a wry grin.  “You wanna make love again, or am I painting you?” 

“For the moment, just the painting,” Jack answered, his voice low, soft, and gentle, his expression filled with wistful affection.  “The sex will come later, when we’re both ready for it.” 

With a sigh, Daniel went to sit down on the bed, leaning his cane against the end of the bed. 

He opened the box, read the instructions and told Jack what other supplies he’d need.

 Jack dutifully gathered the paper towels, newspapers, and a small bowl for cleaning the brushes.  He brought the items into the bedroom and waited while Daniel arranged everything beside him on the bed.   

“Stand here,” said Daniel, pointing to a spot right in front of where he was sitting on the bed.  

Jack moved obediently. 

Daniel reached up and laid his hand on Jack’s chest.  “Okay, that’s not gonna work.  You’re too tall.  Sit here by me and lean back on your elbows.” 

Once again, Jack obeyed. 

Daniel twisted around until he thought he could reach his lover properly, then started opening the paints.

He thought the idea was strange, maybe even ridiculous, but he’d play along.  

He mixed the paint and stabilizer in the little bowl Jack had brought him, and leaned over to start the first character.  Daniel had decided on a primitive pictograph writing they had discovered on an alien world, only after the first few characters took shape, Daniel succumbed to a lark and started doodling instead.  

“I don’t recall seeing anything like that before, Daniel,” Jack told him, looking down at his chest. “You sure you’re not making those symbols up?”   

 _Busted._  

Daniel raised his eyebrows and bluffed for all he was worth. “These characters were in the temple on P7X-337, I promise.  Do you want me to read it to you?” 

“Not yet,” Jack returned quietly. “I never saw anything like that in that temple, but you’re the linguist.”  He sat still, just watching while Daniel painted him from collarbones to navel. When he finished and sat back to admire his handiwork, Jack studied his face. 

“Don’t stare at me,” Daniel told him, feeling guilty over the whimsy he’d injected into what Jack meant for him to take seriously. 

He hoped he wasn’t blushing.  “How long does this stuff last, anyway?” 

“Two to seven days, depending on how much care and scrubbing it gets.” Jack sat up and got gracefully to his feet.  He went over to the closet, opened the door and started looking for something to wear. 

“Jack.” 

He turned. 

God, he was beautiful, standing there in that towel.  Daniel’s snugly-fitted pants started to get a lot tighter. Suddenly he wanted to write the real love letter on Jack’s body, but he’d taken up too much space on his chest. That left only his back, and in order to fit the whole piece on that broad, gorgeous canvas, he’d have to use a script that was compact.

That left only one option.

“Don’t get dressed yet.  C’mere.”  He beckoned to Jack with one finger. 

Jack did. 

Daniel scooted backward on the bed and spread his legs, patting the mattress between them.  “Sit here.  I want to paint your back, too.” 

“Because?” 

“Because I went a little stupid on your chest and was playing around.  Now I want to honor your request and write the real letter on you, like you asked.” 

Jack gave him a goofy, knowing grin, turned around and sat down on the bed between Daniel’s legs. 

He had the letter memorized and picked up the smallest fine-bristled brush from the kit.  Dipping it into the black paint, he started at Jack’s left shoulder, working his way downward in long columns of characters, translating the original English into the language of the Ancients.  He painted with expert precision, making each stroke carefully on the smooth, golden skin.  

When he finished, Daniel sat staring at his living canvas, rippling with toned muscle.  The pattern almost looked like a strange barcode, with the long, narrow glyphs stacked on top of each other in neat vertical columns. 

Only a handful of people in the entire universe could read it, and he was one of them. 

Daniel’s mouth went dry as he stared at his work.    
”I’m finished,” he said breathlessly.  He stared at Jack’s back, at the beautiful symbols and the sentiments they represented.  He wished he had done this in the first place on Jack’s chest, where his lover could see it. 

“Thank you,” said Jack, almost reverently. 

He rose and kissed Daniel briefly, then returned to the closet to choose his outfit for the day. 

Daniel cleared his throat and got off the bed, limping along without his cane as he carried the paints and supplies to the bathroom.  He washed out the brushes and bowl he’d used, setting everything aside on the newspapers to dry, then packed up the paints and stabilizer.  When his hands were clean, he returned to the bedroom to ask Jack what was going on, and found that he had vanished again, leaving another note card on the bed.

 

_Pack an overnight bag.  Bring casual and your best suit.  We’re going to Denver for the night to celebrate the rest of your special day.  I’ll be waiting outside by the truck._

_Love,_

_Jack_

 

A smile crept out as Daniel turned to the closet to start getting out clothes to pack.  In fifteen minutes he was ready, and proceeded toward the front of the house, dragging the wheeled suitcase behind him.  Standing in the foyer, he pulled his things out onto the porch, set the security alarm and stepped outside, making sure the front door was locked, too.   

Jack was waiting for him, bent over by the front garden bed, pulling an errant stem of grass out from among the carefully trained junipers. 

“Nice view,” Daniel remarked, smiling at his partner’s six.  He admired the way Jack’s jeans clung to his ass, to his well-muscled legs all the way down to his ankles.

When Jack straightened up, Daniel could envision the script he had written on his broad back, hidden beneath the pale blue polo shirt that made mouthwatering contrast to his tanned arms and face. 

“You look good enough to eat,” he breathed as Jack turned to face him. 

“I could say the same about you,” Jack rumbled huskily.  “In fact, I think I will.  C’mere.” 

He stepped close, slipped his hand around to lightly cup Daniel’s ass and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth. 

Daniel glanced around at the neighborhood, looking to see if anyone was watching. 

“Jack, don’t,” he whispered.  “Not in public.  Somebody might see.” 

For a moment Jack just stared at him, a little nonplussed. 

“What, that we’re lovers?  I think most folks who know us have pretty well figured that one out already, Daniel.  Nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

He stepped back and stuffed his hands in his pockets.  He tilted his head, uncertainty written on his face.  “Is there?  Are you ashamed of us?” 

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Daniel insisted, edging away and dragging his things up to the truck, but he felt his face heating up and knew Jack could see him blushing.  “C’mon, you know better than that.” 

“Well, what _did_ you mean, then?”  Jack trailed along behind him, his voice plaintive.  “I thought we’d talked about this.  I’m a civilian now.  Nothing to be afraid of.  Nobody’s gonna get in trouble, no jobs are at stake.  And even if they were, I don’t care.” 

Jack stood behind him and put a hand on Daniel’s arm, urging him to turn to face him. 

“You’re more important to me than any damned job.  Or anything else,” he added in a quiet, intense tone. 

Daniel turned back to Jack and was saddened to see the hurt in his eyes. 

He tried to explain his discomfort with public displays of affection. 

“It isn’t you, Jack, or us.  It’s…”  His free hand tumbled through the air as his mind sought the words to explain how he felt.  “It’s me.  I’m not used to any of this yet.  When we’re at home, I feel like it’s okay for my concentration to shift into the comfort zone we share.  When we’re not, when we’re outside or on the base or anywhere but home, my mind is trying to process so much that… It’s like when you’re doing that threat-assessing thing, and I distract you by starting to talk about ancient cultures or something.  Part of you wants to listen, to validate my feelings, but the other part wants me to shut the hell up so you can concentrate.  I don’t know how to explain it any better than that.  It’s just… distracting.  Turns me upside down, and then I have to recover, to remember where the hell I am, and what I’m supposed to be doing.  I’m sorry if I hurt you.  I didn’t mean to.”  

That had been a terrible explanation, and he knew it, but it was the best he could come up with on short notice. 

Shit, he’d really blown it now, completely breaking the mood that Jack had worked so hard to set up.  

Jack didn’t seem to be buying it, either. 

 “Uh-huh,” he said flatly, obviously still hurt.  “I’ll try not to be so distracting, then.” 

He walked around to the other side of the truck and got in, strapping on his seat belt and waiting for his companion to follow suit. 

Daniel rolled his eyes, regretting his careless words and more convinced than ever now that he'd royally screwed up. 

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath.   

He opened the back door of the big truck and stowed his suitcase inside, hanging the garment bag over it. 

Jack’s suitcase was already back there, along with two large coolers. 

Daniel wondered what those were for. 

It struck him again about just how much work Jack had done to give him this wonderful day. 

With silent recriminations ringing inside his head, he took his seat, then reached over to Jack, as close as he could get across the bucket seats.

“I’m sorry,” he said again quietly, looking earnestly at his lover. He squeezed Jack’s forearm in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture.  “I’m still adjusting to us, Jack.  You were ready for this a lot sooner than I was, so you’ve had a head start on me.  But please believe me when I tell you that I don’t regret anything about us, not for one moment.  I love you, and I want you to be sure of that.  Please forgive me?”  

Those intense brown eyes just stared at him for the longest time, and Daniel suddenly realized that had been the first time he’d actually told Jack he loved him. 

He could see Jack’s heart looking back at him, deeply touched and sad all at the same time.   

With a brief nod of acknowledgment of his apology, Jack dragged his eyes away. 

“S’okay, Daniel,” Jack said in a hoarse whisper.  “Nothing to forgive.” 

He started the ignition, and backed the truck out of the driveway.   

Daniel kept his eyes fixed on Jack and saw him swallow hard as they headed off down the street.  He knew his lover probably had a lump in his throat the size of Denver and couldn’t say anything else at the moment, so Daniel leaned over and turned on the radio, giving him a little space.  As classical music filled the air, he did his best to relax against his seat, looking out the windows as the Springs zipped by them, the Rocky Mountains towering in the western sky. 

The truck wove into and out of traffic, which was moderate for a Saturday afternoon. 

It’d gotten hot outside, and the air conditioner provided cool contrast to the heat radiating in through the windows. 

Once they were on I-25 heading north, Daniel was uncomfortable with the silence between them, and in an effort to get Jack to talk, he asked, “So what are we going to do in Denver?”  

“Dinner.  Hotel.  Birthday stuff.” 

“Like?” 

“Surprises, Daniel,” Jack answered flatly without taking his eyes off the road. 

He was obviously still smarting from Daniel’s inadvertent bruising of his feelings, still a little withdrawn, his eyes carefully trained on the road, his voice carefully neutral.

Dark mountains reached up into bright, cloudless azure sky outside the windows, making a beautiful backdrop for Jack’s handsome profile. 

“And if I tell you, then they won’t be surprises.” 

Daniel was quiet for a moment, content to watch the scenery go by and give Jack some space. The best part of the view was sitting right behind the steering wheel.  One of the things he most enjoyed about being Jack’s lover was that he got to look at him all he wanted.  Daniel had found that he liked doing that, because Jack O’Neill was a very attractive man. 

“You’re staring at me,” Jack said without looking away from the road.  He reached out and squeezed Daniel’s hand. 

“I _like_ staring at you,” Daniel returned with a big grin.  “You’re hot, you know.” 

Jack smiled slightly and glanced at him, putting both hands back on the steering wheel.  “Yeah?  How hot?” 

“Like summer on Abydos. Like the kitchens on Netu. Hot, Jack.”  He licked his lips, remembering how Jack had tasted. “And you taste good, too.” 

Jack stuck a hand out and squeezed his thigh.  “Better watch it,” he said with a chuckle.  “You’ll give me a swelled head.”  

“I already did,” Daniel returned playfully, reaching over to pat Jack’s crotch.  “Plan to do it again, too.  Birthday fucking is on the list, isn’t it?  Lots and lots of birthday fucking?” 

“As much as we can squeeze in without the aid of Viagra,” Jack assured him.  “It might be a while before I’ll admit to needing help to keep up with a horny young stud like you.” 

“I’m not that much younger than you,” Daniel shot back with a frown. 

Then he grinned delightedly at his lover.  “Hey, I’m a stud?” 

“Horny as a teenager, hot as blazes, and sexy as hell,” said Jack with a note of pride.  “How I ever got so lucky I’ll never know.” 

“Maybe we both got lucky, huh?”  Daniel gazed at him in admiration as Jack turned his attention back to the road, obviously happier now that they’d shared a little banter and light-hearted teasing, if the relaxed look on his face was a proper indicator of his mood.  

Daniel thought back to the morning and the things Jack had done for him so far. 

Looking out the window again, he asked, “So tell me more about love school, Jack.  I think I understand what you’re doing, but how is this supposed to teach me to be better in bed?”    

“Not sure yet,” Jack answered casually.  “We’ve been keeping it pretty simple while you were healing, and you haven’t been able to move around much in the sack, so I don’t really know why you’d think you’re not good at sex.  When you’re ready to take a more active role, we’ll see.” 

“Then why give me lessons?”  Daniel turned to look at Jack and got a quick glance from a now totally unreadable face. 

 Jack had the walls up, and that was never a good thing. 

“Just making some assumptions, based on what I know about you.” 

“Like?” 

Jack reached over and turned the music down. 

He looked a little hesitant, like he was about to deliver bad news. 

“You’re a thinker, so all up in your head that sometimes it’s like you forget you even have a body.  Like when you walk, you lead with your head.”  

“I lead with my head?  What do you mean by that?”  Daniel frowned, thinking hard. 

“When you’re just strolling with your hands in your pockets, you walk just fine, good balance and posture mostly,” Jack explained.  “But when you’re focused on getting somewhere fast, your head goes forward and you lean into the space behind it.  Your eyes are like lasers and people get the hell out of your way.” 

Daniel thought about that.  He couldn’t move like that anymore with his disability, but he felt instinctively that Jack was right.  Daniel’s mind always traveled ahead of the rest of him, already where he intended to be, pulling his body along behind him.  “Okay, so I lead with my head when I walk.  What does that have to do with being good in bed?  Or not, as the case may be.” 

“Be patient. I’m getting there.”

He paused. “You work the same way, so focused you lose track of everything except what’s going on in your noggin,” Jack continued quietly, one lightly closed fist rapping gently on his own skull.  “Sometimes you don’t even see people when they come into your office, even though you’re looking right at them, because you’re blind to what’s there.  All you see is what you’re thinking about, some squiggly marks you’re trying to decipher.” 

“That’s not a bad thing.”  That very trait was what had made him valuable to the SGC, Daniel knew. “I care about my work.  And I still don’t see what that has to do with sex.” 

“I’m not tryin’ to be preachy or critical here, babe.  Just tryin' to help you open your eyes to a few things, maybe help you figure some stuff out.  Okay?” 

Jack reached for a bottle of water he had in the drink holder.  He handed it to Daniel, that cautious look still there in his eyes.  “Open that for me, willya?” 

He was so obviously trying to be gentle, kind and helpful that Daniel couldn't get defensive about the criticisms.  He twisted off the cap, set it on the dashboard, and handed the open bottle to his lover.  

“Thanks,” Jack told him and took a swig.  “Want some?” 

“No, thanks.  So?  Connect the dots for me, here, Jack.” 

“Think about how you are with people.” 

“Okay.”  Daniel looked down at his hands in his lap, going over his working relationships with those he saw regularly.  “I usually get along fine with the academic staff—“ 

“Most of them, yes, but there are a few you’ve rubbed the wrong way.”  Jack took another sip of his water and set the open bottle back into the drink holder. 

“A lot of the military types think I’m pretty worthless in the field, and have from the beginning,” Daniel added quietly, still looking at his hands. 

His gaze wandered to his knee.  This wasn’t exactly fun. He frowned and looked up at his partner.

“And how’d this get from us talking about my skills as a lover to how I go about my life in my professional capacity, anyway? I’m not getting this, Jack.” 

“We’re getting there, I promise,” Jack assured him gently, reaching out to stroke Daniel's thigh as he talked.  “A lot of the military folks don’t understand what you do and don’t trust you because of that, just like Edwards the first time he took you out for a spin. But he learned that, given a chance to work things out in that mysterious way you have, you’ll save everybody’s asses if he follows your lead. I think some folks have a hard time with you because they misread you. Your single mindedness makes it look like you’re ignoring them, and your self-confidence makes you seem arrogant.”  

“I’ve got no room to be arrogant, Jack,” he argued, brows scrunched down in a frown and doing his best not to sound as crabby as he was beginning to feel. 

This was starting to hurt a little, though Daniel knew that wasn’t Jack’s intention here.  He was just being honest, trying to make Daniel think about things he obviously wasn’t getting, and he still didn't get the connection between all this and sex.   

“Remember the unfinished translation that was up on the chalkboard in the room where you first saw the cover stones, years ago?” 

Daniel sighed, concentrating.  “No, actually, I don’t.  That must be in one of those memory holes I’m still carrying around.  What happened?” 

A little smile tugged at the corners of Jack’s mouth.  “ _I_ should talk.  I was an even _bigger_ asshole back then.” 

He glanced at Daniel and grinned.  “Anyway, some of the geeks on the program had been working on the translation for a couple years.  Then you walked in, grabbed a piece of chalk, and started complaining about the incompetent who’d done the work, and the guy was standing right behind you.  You crossed out all his mistakes and added the corrections, mumbling about that Budge character you hate.  And then you gave the Stargate its name.  The translator guy was standing right there, Daniel, and you shot him down without even noticing.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Daniel replied, instantly contrite.  “Is he still with the program?” 

Jack shook his head.  “Nah. He left shortly afterward for a post at the Pentagon. Don’t sweat it, though.  You wowed him, so he kinda felt like you had a right to be that arrogant. Which you _do_. You’re way smarter than anybody else at the mountain. Including Carter, astrophysics aside.” 

“I don’t mean to be insensitive, Jack.”  Daniel gazed over at him, feeling his face grow hot, his sense of frustration climbing.  “I try to pay attention to people’s feelings.” 

 Jack’s compliment hadn’t been lost on him, but Daniel felt there was something more important at issue.  Jack was right to point out this personality flaw to him, because he needed to change how he related to others on the base.  Only that was hard when he didn’t know how. 

“When we’re glad-handing some alien race, you do that because you're focusing on those people,” Jack assured him.  “You do it better than _anybody_.  They can tell you really care, and I think that’s what has won us a lot of the alliances we got out of SG-One.” 

Daniel just nodded.  “I do care.  But I should care about everyone the same. I should treat the people I work with the same as the aliens we’ve tried to impress.” 

He sighed, defeat settling in on him.  “I don’t want to make enemies, especially not here at home.” 

“You haven’t,” Jack hastened to assure him. “The folks in the mountain respect you too much to hate you. They know you’ve pulled our asses out of the fire a lot of times. They just don’t wanna fall victim to your snark or disrespect.” 

“So, again, what does all this have to do with learning to be better in bed?” asked Daniel, studying his partner as he drove and promising himself to be more cognizant of others’ feelings during day-to-day relations in the mountain. “Because I’m _so_ not getting it, and I don’t usually have to have anyone draw me a map.” 

For a moment, Jack was quiet.  “You’ve got to learn to _multitask_ , Daniel, and to pay attention to how what you're doing is affecting others.” 

Waiting a few minutes for more, Daniel decided he wasn’t going to get any without a prod.  “Which means?” 

“Gimme a minute.  We can pull over here in another mile or two.” 

Jack drove the truck into the next rest area, put it in park, unclipped his seatbelt and leaned as close as he could get to Daniel in the bucket seats. 

He took his lover in his arms, his left hand lightly exploring the side of Daniel’s face. 

Jack’s eyes were liquid and warm, roving over Daniel’s face in an expression filled with love.  

Daniel melted, completely pliant in Jack’s embrace.  The air conditioner blew a cool breeze over his skin as a rush of orchestral majesty poured softly out of the radio, filling the cab of the truck. 

Hypnotized, Daniel stared into Jack’s eyes, unable to move. 

“When you’re in bed with someone you love,” Jack rumbled softly, “don’t concentrate on what technique you want to use on them.”  His voice was deep and soft, scudding over Daniel’s skin like clouds over a mountaintop. 

Daniel moaned, slipping down lower in the seat and into Jack’s embrace, bringing his lover with him stretching him across the gap between the seats.  

Jack’s fingers moved in tiny little circles against the back of Daniel’s head, walking down his neck to his shoulders. 

“Don’t think about the Kama Sutra or Chinese pillow books.  Your lover’s body will tell you everything you need to know.  Taste.  Feel.  Smell.  Listen.  Look.  Then you’ll know what to do. Be in the moment, not lining up the list of things you want to do next.” 

Daniel was melting into a pile of adoring goo, aching for a kiss. 

This new Jack was an amazing man, so sexy and romantic that it blew Daniel’s mind.   

Jack's breath was warm against his lips as he spoke softly, his voice low and husky.  "I know things have been difficult between us sometimes, but we've always managed to hold on to each other, no matter what.  I’ll _always_ be there for you, Daniel.  The greatest gift you’ve ever given me is your heart, and I want you to know how much that means to me.” 

Jack removed Daniel’s glasses and laid them on their owner’s thigh.  He leaned in and stroked his dry lips over Daniel’s, watching his eyes close.  He nuzzled beneath Daniel’s left ear with his nose and dropped another tiny kiss at the corner of left eye. 

“Don’t think,” Jack whispered against his eyelashes. “Just feel.” 

Daniel tilted up his chin with a tiny nod, offering Jack his lips, ready to be kissed into the upholstery. 

But slowly, Jack drew away, patting Daniel’s cheek with a last, longing look. 

He buckled himself back in and put the truck in gear, easing carefully back onto the highway, eyes on the road. 

Daniel’s pants were way too tight, with the hard-on now swelling against his thigh. 

“Look what you did, Jack,” he ordered huskily, pointing to his pants.  “Aren’t you gonna do anything about this?” He scooped up his glasses and slipped them back in place on his nose. 

Mouth curving up into a devilish smile, Jack just growled softly, and shot him a heated, promising glance followed by, “Later, babe.” 

Shifting in his seat, Daniel pulled his tight jeans away from his crotch to give himself a little more room. Taking deep breaths, eyes closed, Daniel concentrated on mundane things to get his dick to deflate, but the memory of what Jack had just done to him kept a warm spot simmering low in his belly. 

He thought about what Jack had said, trying to match up the ideas with his performance in bed with the women who had passed through his life, realizing that Jack had the problem pegged. Daniel was always thinking during sex, planning his next move, not paying attention to what was happening at the moment, not reading the signs from his lovers that told him what they liked and what they didn't. 

That was startling, but enlightening as well. It shook him up a little to realize just how well Jack knew him. 

After a while, he raised his gaze to Jack’s handsome profile again, still thinking about what he had said. This was a whole new Jack O’Neill, one Daniel had never before seen; one who could be serious and sweet, romantic and wise. He was well rested now and happier than Daniel had ever seen him, and without the burden of rank and team leadership, he was quickly shedding that hard-ass, dumb-ass shell he’d worn for so long as Colonel O’Neill. 

The transformation was almost magical. 

“It’s all about focus, Daniel,” said Jack after a while, his voice a deep, velvet rumble low in his chest.  “You focus with your mind, and little else.  When you’re on the base, the people you see every day seem to be beneath your notice because your mind is so busy with your work.  Try sparing a little attention for them, ask how they’re doing, take an interest, and the folks who used to turn around and walk the other way when they see you comin’ will stay and look forward to talking to you.  I guarantee it.” 

“You can’t guarantee people will like me if I stop and talk to them.” 

“Can, too.” 

Jack glanced at him, admiration glowing in his eyes, a rakish grin turning up the corners of his mouth. 

“You don’t realize it, Jackson, but you’re a damn dangerous man. Every woman on the base would give up shopping for the rest of their days for a little one-on-one time with you, and that doesn’t include sex. They’d love to just sit and talk and look into your eyes for an hour.  Hell, half the men would, too.” 

“Oh, please, Jack!  You make it sound like I’m some movie star or something.”

Daniel shook his head.  “Most of the people on the base don’t even give me a second glance.” 

 He rubbed absently at his knee.  “Especially not now that I’m a cripple.” 

“Most of ‘em never even notice you use a cane,” Jack argued lightly.  “They never see anything past those baby blues.” 

Daniel did a double-take. “Huh?  So I have blue eyes.  So does Sam.  So do a lot of other people.”  He shrugged. 

“Ever noticed the size of your pupils, Danny?”  Jack turned and stared at him for a moment. 

“Well, yeah.  Eye doctors have always commented on it, said they’re twice as big as most people’s, and it makes me light sensitive.  That’s why I keep the lights low in my office and have so damn many headaches.  So?” 

A little grin quirked up at the corners of Jack’s mouth.  “So… enlarged pupils are a signal of sexual arousal,” Jack told him, a smug little grin tugging at his mouth.  “Even if you’re _not_ turned on, when you shine those megawatt headlights on somebody and do that little licking-your-lips thing you do, whoever’s on the receiving end responds to it automatically.  Men, women, aliens, dogs, androids. _No one_ is immune.  We’re all putty in your hands, and you don’t even realize it.” 

That observation hit Daniel like a dash of cold water. 

He thought back to the run-ins he’d had with some of the military men on the base and wondered if, perhaps, they had been under the mistaken impression that he was coming on to them. 

“Oh. That’s… Oh!” 

“Surprise!” announced Jack warmly, teasing him.   “Thing is, once folks get to know you, they understand you’re not flirting, but they still react to it subconsciously. And if you ever wanted to use it to intentionally seduce someone, like, say, retired old Air Force Colonels, you could have anything you wanted.  All you have to do is use some of those keen observational skills on that aforementioned retired old Colonel and figure out what turns him on.  Like those high beams aimed in his direction.” 

Daniel was grinning now.  “Anything else I should know about?” 

“Learn to be more aware of your body.” 

 Jack glanced at him, his eyes flicking down to Daniel’s lap, then back up to his face. 

“For instance, can you feel your heartbeat without putting your hand to your throat or wrist?  Are you aware of your clothes, where they’re touching your body?  Are you still listening to the music I turned down?  Can you smell the air freshener I put in the truck last month?” 

Sitting quietly now, Daniel started going over Jack’s list in his head, realizing he’d been totally unaware of any of those things until his partner had mentioned them.  Now, he concentrated one by one on each item, adding the sensation to the others until his head swam.  He started squirming in his seat.  His dick was starting to swell again. 

“How long till we get to Denver, Jack?” he asked, his voice low and soft with need. 

“Another half hour, babe,” Jack answered huskily.  “See where your mind goes when you fully engage your senses?  You’re a naturally sexy person, Daniel. And I may be creating a monster here, but that could be a good thing for me.  A _really_ damn good thing.” 

Fire blazed in his brown eyes as he shot another quick glance at his lover. 

Daniel unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over toward Jack. 

“What are you doing, Daniel?” asked Jack nervously.  “Put that back on.” 

“Experiencing,” he whispered, leaning in close to Jack’s neck.  Daniel kissed his lover right under the ear, sending a shiver through him.  Daniel’s hand slipped down to Jack’s lap, rubbing the cloth over his soft cock, which started to harden beneath his touch. 

“Not while I’m driving, Daniel,” Jack said in a soft, warning growl.  “Don’t wanna get us killed.  Save it for the hotel.” 

“I want you,” Daniel breathed, licking Jack’s earlobe before he pulled it into his mouth and between his teeth.  He nibbled on it, suckled on it, and was rewarded by a breathless gasp and shudder. 

Then the truck swerved a little, and Jack pushed Daniel away, swallowing hard. 

“Damn it, Daniel,” growled Jack.  “I can’t suck you off on the shoulder of the road, as much as I want to do just that.” 

He pressed his lips hard together and gave Daniel a desperate glance. 

“Just hold on, please?  Don’t lose that, what you’re feeling right now.  Let it simmer.  Give yourself a hand job, if you want, and I’ll watch.”  

“Fine now,” Daniel squeaked, alarmed by Jack’s momentary loss of control. 

He shifted back into his seat and refastened his belt. 

“You okay?”  Jack leaned over to pat his arm. 

“Yeah.  I’m okay.”  Daniel took a deep breath and raised his eyes to Jack’s face, still glancing between Daniel and the road. 

Concern and desire flashed at him, and reason returned.  

He had never realized he had the power to make Jack lose control like that, even for a second. 

That scared him a little. 

Jack was all about control, even when it didn’t appear that way.  He could be making some wisecrack that caused everyone else’s brains come to a screeching halt for a second, but he was always aware of what was going on around him, rarely taken by surprise and reacting instantaneously on the rare occasions when his attention did slip. 

If Jack willingly gave up that control when they were in bed together, _what might he be willing to do?_  

Daniel closed his eyes, picturing them in their bed at home, one of the bedside lamps turned on so he could see Jack.  Sometimes, after they’d jacked each other off during his recovery, they had just laid there, catching their breath.  Daniel had enjoyed looking at his partner, his long, lean body sprawled out on the sheets, his handsome face relaxed and at peace. Daniel had been aware since the beginning that Jack was an attractive man, but only since Daniel had gotten the coded message had he learned to see this man differently, in a sexual way.   

As much as Daniel enjoyed being Jack’s lover, part of him still struggled with some residual shame from knowing Jack in that way, telling himself he shouldn’t feel that way about another man. 

The programming of a lifetime was difficult to conquer, and though he had tried to be accepting of others and show no prejudice to anyone, he still basically thought of himself as heterosexual. 

He’d been unable as yet to wholly commit to being gay or even bisexual. 

That was the real reason why he had been reluctant for Jack to display affection for him in public, but he couldn’t admit that to his partner.  He knew how much that would hurt Jack, but he also knew that eventually the truth would come out. 

Daniel was working on that, trying to accept the fact that he and Jack were now lovers, but it wasn’t easy.   

His mind kept shifting back to the past, to that dark place he tried to avoid, even in his dreams. 

Jack didn’t know about that. 

No one did. 

And Daniel hoped he never would. 

Daniel’s eyes opened.  His mind had gone from being incredibly turned on to the problems he still had with the new dimension to his relationship with Jack, who wasn’t completely clueless, but still didn’t understand Daniel’s reservations.  They were lovers, as close as two people could be, but Daniel had secrets he didn’t want to share, and that kept a wedge between them. 

What had started out as something hot and sexy had turned into ashes, a cold lump in the pit of his stomach.  

He didn’t know how all that would be resolved, but hoped that eventually he would find a way to re-bury it deeply in his subconscious. 

Only then could he truly be able to be as open with Jack as he wanted. 

Maybe all he needed was more time. 

Daniel sighed and looked out the window, aware of Jack’s attention on him as he drove. 

He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, leaning his head against the door, distracting himself with thoughts of the work he was doing, and wishing he’d brought some of it with him.

 

* * *

 

 

They arrived in Denver at mid-afternoon.  First stop was at a Barnes & Noble for a little shopping.  Teasing Daniel with smiles full of fun and eyes glimmering with secrets, Jack left Daniel with instructions to browse and enjoy a coffee and pastry at the in-store Starbucks, while he ran an errand.  

Jack went on to the hotel to check in, visit the concierge and unpack.  Taking their suits, socks and dress shoes, along with a pair of boxers for Daniel out to the truck, he hurried back to the bookstore and helped Daniel collect his purchases.  

He bought a couple hundred dollars worth of books, and when Jack carried them out to the truck, he suggested they change into their dress clothes in the bookstore bathroom. 

Daniel was a little unsettled by that, arguing that they should check into the hotel first and change in the privacy of their room. 

Jack, however, had other ideas, promising all would be revealed later and teasing Daniel into cooperating.   

O’Neill carried the garment bags in and made an adventure of it, each one standing watch for the other.  The nice folks at the store didn’t say a word about it, most likely due to Daniel’s hefty purchases, but Jack assured him that no one even noticed they had been in the bathroom for so long.  

“We could’ve had sex in there if we’d wanted, and nobody would’ve cared,” he teased, making Daniel blush all the way back to the parking lot. 

They changed footwear and socks in the truck, tossing their casual clothes into the back seat when they were done. 

All dressed up, they drove to Mizuna Restaurant on 7th Street, where Jack had made their dinner reservations. 

Daniel explained that the place was named after a Japanese mustard green.  He was pleased with the ambience, with its honey-colored walls and cozy tables covered with pristine white cloths and china.  Their dishes were artfully prepared, beautiful to the eye as well as delicious, and Daniel loved it, eating most of his meal with his eyes closed, savoring each bite as he chewed. 

That made Jack smile all through dinner. He just picked at his food, so wrapped up in watching Daniel that he hardly noticed he was hungry. 

Afterward, they went to the Denver Performing Arts Complex on 13th Street for a concert featuring Josh Groban. 

Daniel had never heard of the young man, but he was a favorite of Jack’s, not only because of his incredible voice, but also because his style bordered on the operatic at times. And since Josh sang in several different languages, Jack had been sure Daniel would love that about him and enjoy the concert, even if Groban didn’t sing the kind of music Daniel preferred.   

From Josh’s first note, there was a spellbound look on Daniel’s face.  Jack decided he’d made the right choice for their evening’s entertainment, too. Best of all, though, was when Daniel got so lost in the music that he grabbed blindly for Jack’s hand, and didn’t let go for the rest of the evening, hanging on to him even during intermission. 

Only as their night was winding down did Jack decide it was time to go to the hotel. He drove up to the front entrance of the elegant old Denver landmark, the Brown Palace, and got out at the valet station. 

“Did you like the concert?”  Jack asked Daniel pleasantly as he handed over the truck keys to the hotel valet, already certain of the answer. 

Daniel’s beatific smile was blazing.  “I still feel like I’m floating,” he answered happily.  “Music like that was meant to be heard in person, with a live orchestra, not on a CD.  My God, that young man has an _incredible_ voice!” 

He sighed.  

“And dinner?” 

The blue eyes widened. “God, Jack, where did you hear about Mizuna? I thought I was gonna—“

He stopped short, glancing around guiltily at other pedestrians walking past them on the summer night, as if he suddenly remembered he was in a public place. 

“Come?” teased Jack, sidling up beside him, his voice a barely audible rumble. 

He wanted to pull Daniel into his arms and kiss the shit out of him right there on the hotel doorstep, but he suspected Daniel wouldn’t like that, so he didn’t even get close enough to touch. 

Instead, he hastened his step, going through the door first and sweeping the entry with an assessing glance before turning back to his partner and holding the door open for him. 

Daniel’s voice dropped to an excited whisper as he hurried in behind him.  “Well, yeah!  That curried bisque with lobster, avocados, and mint blew my mind.  I don’t think I’ve ever eaten anything so… so…” His hands started waving searching for the appropriate words to describe the flavors. 

“Good?” 

“Yeah!”  Daniel blurted, his eyes gleaming, riveted on Jack.  “My taste buds are still buzzing, and I—“ Daniel’s startled gaze traveled up to the high ceiling in the Brown's enormous atrium lobby, landing and fixing on the cut glass chandelier hanging above them that was almost the size of Jack’s house.  He stopped dead, staring at it.  “Wow.” 

Jack barely noticed the chandelier, but took intense note of how it looked through Daniel’s eyes, simply by watching his face.   

The Brown Palace was a national historic site, Denver’s only five-star, four-diamond hotel.  The building was three sided, set in the middle of downtown.  The atrium foyer was nine stories high, with lush plants spilling over balconies and set into pots on the ground floor.  A stained glass canopy arched over the huge room.  Warm golden marble covered the walls, executed in grand European style.   

Taking Daniel by the elbow, Jack steered him toward the front desk. 

He spoke quietly with the desk clerk, making sure his special arrangements had been made for their room.

The woman smiled and nodded, handing him a small rectangular black box. 

 Jack thanked her, then turned back to Daniel-watching. 

His lover had already wandered off, mouth open and eyes wide in wonder, studying the old architecture and stunning detail in the impressive room. 

Jack followed him as he walked around and touched things, running his hands over sculpted marble and carved wood flourishes, staring upward at the glittering crystal and stained glass so high above their heads.  

They wandered just off the main lobby and into the hotel bar, and Jack stood by as Daniel’s eyes fixed on another antique sitting on a dais at the back of the bar. 

It was a Stodart square grand piano made of rosewood, very much like the one he’d once had in his loft. 

Jack watched Daniel make a beeline for it, completely unaware of anything else in the grandly appointed room.  He slowed down as he mounted the dais, leaning heavily on his cane to take the step up. Left hand reaching out, he ran his fingers over the smoothly polished wood, walking in a slow circuit completely around the elegant instrument. 

This was something Jack hadn’t quite expected when he’d been hunting for the right place to bring Daniel for his birthday night. 

The wonder on Daniel’s face was an unexpected bonus. 

Jack felt the smile of joy stretching his own face as he saw his lover sit down on the bench, put down his cane, and run his hands reverently over the keys.  Jack could almost feel the desire building inside Daniel as he fingered the keys.  He depressed one of them, and Jack felt a shiver of anticipation run through him, swirling around his heart. 

He had no idea if Daniel could actually play the piano, but having had one in his home made Jack think the probability was high. 

O’Neill slipped into a chair at one of the elegantly appointed tables, waiting to see what Daniel would do next. 

Daniel’s eyes closed as he leaned slightly over the keys, bowing his head. 

Music began to flow from his fingers, and in the space of a few heartbeats, every voice in the room fell silent, every head turned, and no one moved while Daniel played. 

The same music that had thrilled Daniel not long ago filled the room, and Jack knew from the look on his face that he was oblivious to the fact that he had an audience. 

From memory, he played one of Josh Groban’s songs straight from his heart, only for the love of the music. 

When he finished, his lower lip was quivering, and he was trembling. 

The applause startled him, forcing his eyes open wide as he glanced around the bar.  People were moving to their feet and wandering closer, their smiles of delight and cheers asking for more.  Daniel blushed and stammered polite thanks, rising from the seat with a small bow. 

Obviously startled and shaken, he reached for his cane and hurried across the room to Jack.   

“They loved you,” Jack said gently as he rose from the table and kept pace with Daniel back to the main lobby.  “Don’t you want to play some more?” 

“No, I…” Daniel shook his head, hurrying faster toward the elevators across the lobby.  When they were closed into that small, private space, Daniel let out a pent-up breath and ran a hand through his hair.  “I’m sorry, Jack.  I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” 

Shaking his head in wonder, Jack grinned at him.  “Embarrass me? No way! I’m proud of you, and I can’t figure why you were so self-conscious. Hell, I wasn’t even sure you knew how to play one of those things. You kinda knocked my socks off, there, Jackson.” 

“I wouldn’t have bought a twelve-thousand-dollar piano if I couldn’t play it, Jack,” Daniel said, gazing over the tops of his glasses in full professorial mode. 

Then he blushed again and dropped his gaze.  “I just don’t normally play for an audience.  That was something I always did for stress relief, or when I was lonely.  That music I was playing…”

He lifted shy, hesitant eyes to Jack’s, his voice softening.  “At the concert tonight, when we were holding hands, I was thinking about making love to you to that song.  It was… intimate.  I completely forgot where I was while I was playing, Jack.”   

“I could tell.”  Jack placed his hands against the elevator wall on either side of Daniel’s head, leaned close and kissed him, just a warm brush of their lips together, drawing a soft, sexy little murmur of approval from Daniel.  “You play beautifully, Daniel. Just like you do everything.”   

Daniel ducked his head with a timid grin, the color in his cheeks heightening. 

Jack wondered if he’d been mistaken in his assumptions about Daniel, if that lecture he’d given in the truck were dead wrong. 

Maybe he was really seeing the real Daniel now, shy, repressed and insecure, in need of reassurance and deep, all-encompassing love. Maybe he’d been too judgmental in looking for ways to help Daniel find peace with their relationship.  All he knew for certain was that he had been gifted with the friendship and love of an utterly amazing human being, multi-talented, gorgeous, and isolated from the rest of humanity by his prodigious intelligence and the tragedies of his past. 

Maybe all he needed was to know that he had Jack’s total acceptance, and he would get to see the Daniel Jackson that no one else knew existed. 

He wanted that more than anything, and wished he had the words to express that sentiment to his lover. 

“Ready to go in?”  Jack asked him, straightening up and pulling the room key out of the jacket pocket of his suit. 

The elevator doors opened and they stepped out on their floor, Jack first, checking down the hallway, reading the room numbers on the doors.  

“This is it,” he told Daniel, stopping beside room 840 halfway down the corridor.  He turned to his partner and drew a familiar piece of folded black cloth from his trouser pocket.  

Daniel stepped back and held up his hands, palm out.  “No, Jack.  I wanna see the room.” 

“You will, just not right away.  I gotta check on some things first. C’mon, Daniel.  Be a sport.  Play the game.” 

With a sigh, Daniel pressed his lips together in mute disapproval.  “Okay, but I don’t want to do it this way.” 

“It’s not just a whim, I promise,” Jack assured him.  He handed Daniel the black box with orders to just hold it, then took off Daniel’s glasses and slipped them into his jacket pocket.  He stepped around Daniel and tied on the blindfold.  Retrieving the box, he opened the room door, led Daniel inside, and locked it behind them. 

“Smells like your garden in here,” Daniel observed. 

Jack gazed around the elegantly appointed Victorian room, checking to see that his instructions had been followed to the letter.  They had.  The two coolers he’d brought with them and dropped off earlier had been filled with flower petals that he’s spent most of the day stripping from every blossom in his garden, carefully stored on ice to keep them fresh. The concierge had disposed of the coolers properly once their purpose had been served, so they wouldn’t mar the view of the gorgeous room. 

The king sized bed had been turned down, the covers folded back into a neat drape just over the foot of the bed, exposing nearly all of the sheets to view, exactly as Jack had asked.  Most of the flower petals had been scattered over the bed, except for a small reserve that had been set in a crystal punch bowl on the nightstand. 

Arrangements of still more flowers sat on other furniture, and the effect was spectacular. 

Jack nodded in approval and turned to look at his lover.  

Daniel was dressed in a smart black suit with a white Henley dress shirt, decorated at the throat with a pin in the shape of a triangle, studded with small cubic zirconias.  He was beautiful, and for a moment Jack just gazed at him, grateful to have this incredible man as his partner. 

 He glanced at the cane in Daniel’s right hand, helping to support him, and Jack was absolutely certain that he had made the right decision to leave the military for the man he loved. 

“There’s a chair over here,” Jack told him quietly.  “Would you like me to undress you, or do you want to do it yourself?” 

“I’ll do it, thanks,” Daniel returned with a hesitant smile, slipping out of his jacket and starting to unbutton his shirt.  “I’ve never been very comfortable with other people taking off my clothes.  Even in the infirmary.” 

Jack knew that.  He’d heard Daniel’s weak protests enough times and never understood why he found that so necessary.  Jack had just accepted it as one of Daniel’s idiosyncrasies and had never thought about why, but now he wondered as he took the items of clothing as Daniel removed them and put them neatly away.   

When Daniel was finished, Jack led him over to the chair, sat him down, and set the box he’d been carrying on the nightstand.

He patted Daniel’s shoulder reassuringly.  “Be right back,” he murmured. 

Then he went into the bathroom to undress, hanging his black pinstriped suit in the closet.  

He picked up Daniel’s clothes from the floor and put them away as well. 

Daniel sat obediently in the chair in his boxers, the blindfold still over his eyes. 

Jack moved to the nightstand and picked up a book of matches that the concierge had thoughtfully left, struck one and started lighting the candles that had been placed all around the room.   

“Okay, you can stand up now,” Jack called gently.  “And get rid of your boxers, too.”   

Jack fetched Daniel a robe, supplied by the hotel, and escorted him into the bathroom to bathe and prepare for bed.  Once the door was shut, he announced, “You can take off the blindfold in here, but I want you to put it on again when we go out. Use water as hot as you can stand it, and take your time in the shower.  I want your skin standing at attention.”  

Daniel sighed and took off the blindfold while Jack was talking, finishing up with rolling his eyes at that last instruction. 

Jack showered first, scrubbing his body ruthlessly under the hot spray while Daniel shaved and brushed his teeth. Jack stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist, not bothering to dry off with it, and sidestepped Daniel as he got carefully into the shower.  Jack took his time shaving, making sure he didn’t cut himself, getting his face smooth and neat while Daniel was in the shower. 

With a glance down at the writing on his chest, Jack remembered Daniel had painted his back, too, and borrowed the hotel’s hand mirror and the large mirror over the sink to check out the artwork.  He saw the neatness of the characters and knew that was the important message, surprised that Daniel had leaped off into whimsy with the characters on his chest. 

He set the hand mirror down and pulled off the towel, studying his body. 

He closed his eyes and pictured what he wanted, almost certain now he might never get it.  Daniel still had too many barriers in the way and wasn’t willing to take them down, at least not yet.  Jack loved him anyway, grateful for what they did have together, sure it would be enough. If things did change, if Daniel did take down the walls between them, Jack was certain he’d want for nothing else in his lifetime.  There would be no dream out of his reach, if Daniel opened up to him. 

He thought about the next lesson he wanted to teach, and let his mind take him to the possible places it might go. 

His guts clenched, and he could hardly breathe. 

What if Daniel wanted _that_?  Sooner or later, they’d have to face that decision.

Maybe it wouldn’t come up tonight. 

Slowly, heart pounding in his chest so hard his whole body shook, Jack turned to face the big mirror and raised his eyes to his reflection.  He saw himself clenching his teeth, his hands curled into fists at his sides.  He closed his eyes and pictured Daniel’s face as he’d sat at the piano downstairs, playing just for himself and Jack, and was grateful to feel his resistance flow out of him. 

If that were what Daniel wanted, Jack decided, he would give it to him, gladly and without shame, because he loved Daniel more than life itself. 

And Daniel would never know what a sacrifice it was, because Jack would never tell him. 

That decision made, a strange calm filled him.  He put on the other hotel robe, ran his fingers through his hair, and left the bathroom with a purposeful stride. He closed the door behind himself and carried his shaving kit with him into the bedroom. 

He dialed room service to ask for the items he’d pre-ordered to be sent up, setting his shaving kit on a small desk near the window. 

As soon as he hung up the phone, he got out the necessary cash to tip the waiter, and waited for the knock.  It wasn’t long in coming.   

The waiter brought a small stand into the room, which held an ice bucket already filled and chilling a bottle of champagne, a corkscrew dangling from the side of the bucket.  Beneath the stand was a small shelf that held two crystal goblets.  Next to them was a tray that held sugared, frozen grapes and chocolate-dipped strawberries, stacked on top of a pair of white china plates and two elegantly folded linen napkins.   

Jack tipped the man, locked up after him, and opened his shaving kit. He removed a bottle of almond-scented massage oil, which he set on the far nightstand, within easy reach of the bed, and went to his jacket pocket to fetch Daniel’s glasses.  As soon as he heard the water shut off in the shower, he waited at the bathroom door for Daniel to emerge. 

He came out with his left hand first, feeling his way blindly, the cloth tied obediently over his eyes, his robe tied closed around his waist.   

“Okay, what’s next?” he asked as warmed, damp air billowed out of the doorway around him.  

Jack saw that his lover’s face and neck were tinged a bright pink, and water droplets covered Daniel’s skin with a bright sheen. 

He led Daniel over to the bed, holding onto his left elbow, and stopped just beside the bed. 

“What do you smell, Daniel?” he asked gently. 

He reluctantly let go of his lover. 

Daniel took a slow, deep breath. “Flowers. Something else… I’m not sure.” 

“What do you feel in the room around you?” 

“You.”  Daniel turned toward him and reached out with his palm, coming close to Jack but not touching him. “I can feel your body heat, how close you are.” 

He smiled.  His dick started to swell, lifting in slow jerks away from his body. 

“What else?” 

Turning his head as if looking around the room, Daniel hesitated.  “Are there candles burning? Is melted wax the other thing I smell?  I think I hear wick sputters.” 

“Very good, Daniel.”  Jack moved away to the small portable stereo he’d ordered from the concierge.  He took the CD of massage music from the jewel case in his shaving kit and put it on.  Then he turned to face Daniel and shoved his hands into the pockets of his robe. 

“Okay. You can take off the blindfold now.” 

Daniel smiled and lifted his chin a little.  “I’m not sure I want to,” he teased, his voice a deep purr. 

Jack groaned.  Heat shot straight to his dick and made it dance. 

Daniel was going to be a _very_ dangerous man when Jack got done with him, all right.  No one on the planet would be safe from a fully wired, sexually aware man with looks like _that_.

He hesitated, aware of how corny it would sound, but knowing he was safe with Daniel.  “I want to see your face when you get an eyeful of everything.  Please.” 

Daniel turned to face him and reached up to pull the blindfold off over the top of his head.  His eyes opened as Jack handed him his glasses.  Putting them on, he smiled when he saw the beautiful old Victorian furniture and wallpaper, the flower arrangements and candles.  

But when he looked at the bed his smile vanished, and he just stared at it with wide, stunned eyes.  “Jack,” he moaned. 

God, how he wanted to go to him and embrace Daniel just then, throw him down on the bed, crawl down his throat and never let him go. 

But Jack just stood there, staring at Daniel as his shocked surprise gave way to a huge grin, and Daniel burst out laughing. 

“Oh, Jack!”  He shook his head, smiling broadly. “I’ve never seen anything so fucking romantic! I never knew you had it in you, you old fox.” 

Balling his hands up into fists in the pockets of the robe, Jack forced himself to stay where he was, trying not to be mortified, and wondering if he’d screwed up big time.

“You like it? It’s not too girly?” 

Still grinning, Daniel turned to him and shrugged, his eyes twinkling. “Well, maybe a little, but who cares? You did it for _me_ , and it’s beautiful. Just like you are.”

Daniel’s gaze moved back to the bed, and as he stared, the smile disappeared.

“It _is_ beautiful, Jack. No one’s ever done anything like this for me. Ever.” 

He turned solemn eyes back to his lover and waited. 

“Take off your robe,” Jack murmured, amazed his voice still worked, “and lie down in the flower bed, Daniel.”   

Daniel nodded and slipped out of the robe, letting it pool on the floor around his ankles.  He set his glasses down and turned around to sit among the flower petals, leaning his cane against the nightstand.  Carefully, he eased back onto the middle of the bed and reclined, his eyes roving all over the room, drinking it all in. 

Jack just watched him, content to fill his eyes and heart with that vision of masculine beauty, reclining on their borrowed bed in that grand old hotel. 

After a moment, he realized Daniel was looking right at him, no longer interested in the room.  He lay on the bed with his bad leg bent at the knee, his foot flat on the sheets, petals curling up around it.  Most of the pinkness was gone from his skin, leaving only a golden glow where the sun had kissed him, the rest of him pale with a bare dusting of freckles. 

He was beautiful, aroused, looking like some kind of holy sacrifice on an altar, and Jack couldn’t help reacting. 

His cock began to swell, raising its sleepy head inside his robe.   

He approached the bed and spent a moment just drinking in the sight of him. 

“Hi,” said the man in repose, with a little wave and a tiny smile.  “You gonna just stand there and stare at me?” 

“The view is stunning,” said Jack.  “And I’m… a little… scared.” 

That got a wide grin.  “Of me?  A harmless geek?”  Daniel’s glance dropped to Jack’s crotch, his erection tenting out his robe.  His tongue darted out and moistened his lower lip, and then white teeth flashed into view.  “You don’t look very scared.” 

“Oh, the fear’s fading pretty fast,” Jack assured him, and he realized that was true. Whatever Daniel needed from him, Jack would give without restraint.  He slipped out of his robe and let it drop to the floor. 

Jack climbed carefully on the bed and straddled Daniel’s hips, feeling his partner’s hard cock brush against his buttocks.  Jack leaned over to the nightstand on his side of the bed for the punch bowl and set it on the mattress by his right knee.  He reached into it with both hands and scooped up a double handful of flower petals, lifting them up high above Daniel’s chest. 

Then he let them fall, scattering all over Daniel’s body in a fluttering rain of silken flesh, bright color and exquisite perfume, the sound of an orchestra playing Mozart softly in the background.  

Daniel laughed.  “God, I’d never have thought you could do something this sweet and sensitive, but damn!  It’s just…”

His smile faded.  His breath hitched.  Hunger blossomed in his eyes, and he reached for Jack. 

“Please,” he begged.  “I need you so much.” 

Jack shoved the bowl away from their bodies and bent down to Daniel, clasping his face in his hands. He kissed Daniel, sucking on his tongue, devouring his lips, nibbling on his jaw when Daniel came up for air. He felt his lover’s hands stroking over him, squeezing and exploring, and then Daniel was rolling him over, getting on top, pinning Jack to the bed. 

“Oh, God,” Daniel wheezed, his mouth fixing to Jack’s neck. 

Jack closed his eyes, arching up beneath his lover, aching for more. 

“Don’t think, Daniel,” he breathed.  “Just feel.  Let your senses be your guide.  Listen to our bodies.” 

Daniel moved down to his chest, fingers grasping at Jack’s hips.  His movements were clumsy, distracted, so caught up in the rush of need that Jack could tell Daniel had already lost control.  He was thrusting against Jack’s belly, and as good as that felt, Jack knew he needed to make his lover pull back and go a different route. 

“Daniel, wait,” he called softly.  “Stop.  Look at me.” 

“What?” he mumbled around a mouthful of nipple.  He raised his head to squint at Jack. 

“What were you thinking just now?”  Jack prodded. 

“Thinking?  Fuck!  I wasn’t thinking.  What are you thinking?” Daniel said so rapidly Jack almost didn’t catch it all. 

“Sit up.  I want you to try something.” 

“Fuck, Jack, not now!” 

“Slow down, babe.  Slow it waaaay down, or it’s gonna be over way too fast,” Jack advised, dusting his fingertips over Daniel’s cheek. “Sit up.  Trust me on this.” 

With a frown of horny impatience, Daniel rolled off him and sat on his left hip, his right leg stretched out across the bed.  

Jack reached over and took the bowl, setting it back onto the nightstand.  He scooted over until he lay on his belly in the middle of the bed, propped up on his elbows.  He gazed up at his frustrated partner and gave him what he hoped would be a smile of invitation. 

“Translate the inscription, Doctor Jackson.” 

“Huh?” 

With a glance over his shoulder, Jack reiterated, “There’s an ancient artifact right in front of you.  It’s got all these interesting hieroglyphics on it.  Pretend you have no idea what it says.  Examine it as you would any other artifact and read it.  You don’t have to read it out loud if you don’t want.” 

Daniel rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.  “Jack, I _know_ what it says.  I wrote it this morning.” 

“Pretend you don’t.”  Jack arched his back and flexed.  “I’ve watched you decipher old things like that for years now, Daniel, and it’s an exercise in sensuality.  Do you even realize you read some of those things with your fingers?” 

“Do not.” 

“Do, too.” 

“Do not.” 

“Do.  Seen you do it, Daniel, out on my deck.  Just like you were reading Braille. You read with touch as much as you do with your eyes.  Try that now, with me.” 

 His voice deepened and a surge of love and admiration uncoiled in his belly, spreading its warmth all through his body. 

“ _Read_ me, Daniel.  Let me be your artifact.  Treat me with the same care and reverence you do those bits of pottery and old temples.” 

Jack could tell the instant the light bulb went on above Daniel’s head. 

Daniel’s breathing grew deeper and he nodded, his eyes nearly black with desire.  He rolled closer and scooted downward on the bed until his ribs rested half on Jack’s buttock.  Using his left elbow to support him, he slipped his damaged knee between Jack’s calves and placed his right hand on Jack’s left shoulder. 

“This first passage begins with an oval,” Daniel began.  He traced over the black edge of the symbol with his fingertip.  “As all scholars of this language know, there are no completely round symbols in this alphabet.  All of them are sort of flattened so it can be written compactly.  This character comes closest to a circle and is shorthand for ‘all.’ The next set of characters indicates possession by an individual, and may be translated as ‘my.’ “ 

Jack faced the pillow, resting quietly on his elbows. 

“So, all my… what?” he whispered, curiosity and desire twisting inside him in a spiral dance, coiling and uncoiling, tightening, loosening, tightening again. 

“Hmmm.”  Daniel’s fingers moved over to the middle of Jack’s back, tracing more figures. 

“Are you skipping ahead?” teased Jack. 

“Sorry.  I got distracted.  The first part of the text refers to a wasteland, but over here there’s a reference to a garden.” 

Jack grinned, snickering a little.  “I peeked in the bathroom, by the way.  What did you write on me, Daniel?  War and Peace?” 

“Shhh, I’m translating here.”  Daniel was grinning at him, caught up now in the fun.  “I used this script precisely _because_ it was so compact, and I could get the whole thing on your back.  If I’d used hieroglyphs, you’d be covered from your neck to your ankles.”  He turned his gaze to Jack’s back again. 

“Now, where was I?” 

His hand moved down to just above Jack’s right buttock. 

“This part is talking about gods.” 

His hand smoothed over Jack’s furry ass and squeezed greedily.  “Hmmm.” 

“There’s some massage oil in that little bottle, if you want it,” Jack suggested, nodding toward the nightstand.  “Might help you feel the characters a little better.  Don’t you have stuff you do to preserve ancient artifacts?”   

“Oh, yes.  That’s a splendid idea,” Daniel agreed, a touch of humor in his voice. “Preserving the artifacts. Hand me that oil, wouldja?” 

Jack obliged, and Daniel moved the squeeze bottle to his left hand, flipped up the top, and squeezed a little into his right palm. He rubbed it liberally over Jack’s ass and thighs, tested a small area over the tattoo ink and, when he saw that it didn’t smear the colors, he started to apply it all over his back. 

“Smells nice,” observed Jack, enjoying the feel of Daniel’s hands rubbing all over him.  His dick was digging into the mattress, but he kept still, ignoring his own needs for the moment.  This was all about his lover, not him. 

Daniel closed his eyes and inhaled.  “Yes. It does. Almonds, I think.” 

“What does the inscription say, Daniel?” 

 It was hard for Jack to think now.  For a moment, he had been hypnotized by the feel of Daniel’s hand rubbing his body and the scented oil filling his nostrils. The massage CD playing in the background that he had started earlier segued into Beethoven’s _Moonlight Sonata_ , sweeping him along, the sensation of each note on the piano pinging against his skin like raindrops, snowflakes and tears.  

He felt Daniel shift, rising up onto his good knee, settling his weight on that leg.  Daniel’s right hand came down on the other side of Jack’s body, and Daniel laid the capped bottle of oil down on the bed.  His left hand caressed Jack’s shoulder, and with a low voice thrumming with desire, Daniel began to read, his fingers tracing the characters on warm skin.   

 _“All my life, I have lived in a desert, a wasteland with no features but endless sand and sky.  Knowledge lit my universe, shining brightly by day, glowing by a million pinprick stars at night.”_  

His hand moved down Jack’s back, almost to his ass, then swept upward again to start the next line of text. Jack felt Daniel straddling his left thigh, his weight on his good left leg, his right tucked gently between Jack’s legs.  Daniel’s crotch was pressed firmly against the curve of Jack’s ass, and he was magnificently hard. 

Passion stirred in Jack’s belly.  He swallowed hard, undulating slightly against Daniel’s fingertips stroking languidly over his back. 

He could hardly breathe, he was so filled with need.  

 _“There were no walls in my barren world to keep people out, but I could not leave that place.  Sometimes I would glimpse others who traveled close, but no one ever managed to make the trek all the way to where I was.  No one but you.”_  

The sound of the love in Daniel’s voice cut through Jack with sweet pain.  He felt Daniel’s hand moving over his skin, tracing the characters as he read aloud.  Only Daniel’s hand was moving, his body fixed in position, plastered up against Jack’s ass.

 He wanted, oh God, he wanted Daniel, wanted him to— 

 _“When you came to me, you stayed by my side, offering me shade in the heat of the day and warmth in the cold night.  You brought cooling water and rich, fertile earth and changed my barren world into a garden of unmatched beauty.”_  

Jack felt the writhing start inside him, in the pit of his belly.  He tried to keep still, but he couldn’t.  His ass flexed, and instantly, Daniel’s voice went up in pitch, breaking a little, hitching a little.  His breathing came faster, and Jack arched up against Daniel’s hand, wanting it, needing it, aching for Daniel to touch him deeper, to own him. 

His face grew hot with shame, and he put his head down, hoping Daniel couldn’t see. 

He lifted himself slightly onto his knees, pressing his ass harder against Daniel’s crotch. 

Christ, he wanted Daniel to _fuck_ him! 

 He didn’t care what the rest of the letter said.  

 _“With a sweep of your heart, you changed my desert to Eden, and helped me understand that there is more in the universe than the cold satisfaction of knowledge.”_  

Daniel’s weight shifted, and he sat upright.  He was breathing hard, opening the oil again, squeezing some into his palm. 

“Jack?” he asked softly, fear and passion in his voice. 

“Yes,” Jack growled, pushing his buttocks against Daniel again. 

They had talked about this.  Daniel hadn’t wanted to do it, not ever, he’d said. Wasn’t interested. Couldn’t go there.

But that was a month ago.  A lot had happened since then.  Their relationship and commitment had deepened until Jack now believed they couldn’t breathe without each other.  

“Are you sure?”  Daniel asked, his voice trembling.  His hand slipped over Jack’s buttocks and poured the oil into the cleft between them.

Then his fingers slipped inside, curious, cautious, hungry. 

“Do you want me?”  Jack asked, his voice raw pain in his throat. He couldn’t lift his head, couldn’t look at Daniel, couldn’t let him see what a wreck he was. 

“I… I…”  

Jack heard a little whimper that tore his heart out. 

“Yes, Jack.  I want to be inside you.”  Daniel’s voice was a rough, hungry whisper. 

“Then do it.” 

Daniel rolled onto his left side, his hand bringing Jack with him.  He pressed forward and kissed the nape of Jack’s neck, his hands caressing Jack’s side and arm as he arranged himself. Jack lifted his upper leg, glad he was facing the window, away from his lover, so Daniel couldn’t see his face. 

He felt Daniel push himself closer, plastering himself against Jack’s back. 

Jack raised his ass higher and felt the hot, blunt tip of Daniel’s cock pushing against him.  He relaxed his ass, his belly, his legs, opening himself fully to the man he loved. 

Jack was so open to him, Daniel’s first thrust allowed him to slide in deep, gasping and squeaking at the shock of the tight, wet heat of Jack’s body. 

Jack gasped.

“Oh, God, I don’t want to hurt you, Jack! I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” Jack whispered, shaking his head.  The way his words sounded against the pillows, he wasn’t sure Daniel could hear him, so he scrubbed the tears from his eyes with one hand and lifted his head, turning slightly so Daniel could hear and said it again.  “I _want_ this.  Don’t stop. Don't be sorry for this. Not _ever_.” 

With a strangled cry, Daniel reached beneath Jack’s left hip and held on, his right hand tracing over the characters he could no longer see, covered by his body.  He thrust all the way in and planted a kiss on Jack’s nape. 

“I love you, Jack,” he whispered, withdrawing and thrusting slowly back inside him.  “God, I never knew how much until right now.  Are you sure you’re okay?” 

Jack closed his eyes.  “Yes, Daniel,” he whispered hoarsely.  “I _want_ this with you. I’m yours.  _All_ of me.”  The pressure of impending orgasm built in his belly, and he felt himself stiffening, drawing closer to bliss.   

For the first time, Daniel was fucking him, filling him.  Jack loved Daniel, loved every part of him, and he would never, _ever_ be sorry for this.  Guilt and grief and fear fell away.   

He squeezed Daniel’s dick with his ass muscles, lifting his head to better hear the incoherent sounds of pleasure Daniel was making behind him. 

Jack felt that strong body at his back, loving him, penetrating him, and a surge of unbelievable joy shocked him to the core.  

“Yes!” he cried, smiling now, coming up on one elbow, pushing back against that big, beautiful cock, forcing Daniel deeper and harder.  “Fuck me, Daniel!  God, fuck me through the goddamn bed!” 

“Don’t wanna hurt you,” Daniel said again, panting through his clenched teeth.  “Gently, Jack.” 

He turned as best he could and tried to look at Daniel.  “Harder,” he said through clenched teeth.  “I want all of you, all you can give me, right now!” 

“Jack!”  Daniel obeyed, his hips moving faster now, strength still leashed. 

Jack could feel his fear.  “I won’t break,” he promised.  “I can take it, Danny.  Please.  Do it!  Please.” 

God, he sounded like he was begging, but he didn’t care.  Jack put his head down, his hands and toes digging into the bed.  He felt Daniel’s right hand grip his hip, and Jack knew he wouldn’t be able to pound him like he wanted, because he couldn’t, not in that position. 

The change in angle, however, was exactly the right move.  Daniel slammed deep and hard into Jack’s ass, his cock driving into Jack’s prostate with every thrust, and Jack howled with delight, shouting Daniel’s name, cursing and begging for him not to stop. 

Then Daniel reached around to pump Jack’s dick, and he was lost. 

He hit high C as he came all over the sheets, stripping his throat raw, and an instant later he felt Daniel’s cock pulsing inside him, filling him, and lighting him up all over again. 

They collapsed onto the bed in a tangle of arms and legs, panting and boneless and sweating.   

“Oh, God, that was so fucking good,” Jack breathed, puffing a flower petal away from his face. 

“Fuck, yeah,” Daniel agreed.  He patted Jack’s arm.  “You okay?” 

A huge grin flexed every muscle in Jack’s face except his eyes. 

He couldn’t get them open or uncrossed.

“If I were any better, I’d be in knockin’ on the Pearly Gates,” he declared. 

Daniel chuckled a little.  “You know, I got a little distracted during that translation. Didn’t get to read it all.” 

“Hey, I’m ready to go again if you are,” Jack teased brightly, “but if you can get it up again right now, I’m calling the folks at the Guinness Book of World Records.” 

He clenched his ass around Daniel’s limp dick, and inadvertently squeezed him out.

“Ooops. Didn’t mean to do that.” 

Daniel snuggled against Jack’s backside, his right arm draped over Jack’s chest, fingers tracking idly through the forest of frosty silver curls. 

For long minutes, they enjoyed the closeness they had discovered, listening to each other breathe, totally sated.   

“Wanna know what the rest of it said?”  Daniel whispered at some length.   

“In a minute.  I’m still basking in the afterglow.” 

Jack pried his eyes open and turned over to look at the man on the other pillow.    
Daniel’s face was flushed.  He was sweaty and his hair was sticking to his face.  His lips were shiny and pink and desperately needed to be kissed. And those blue eyes had never been bluer, or more radiant with love. 

Jack lifted his hand and reverently touched Daniel’s cheek.  “Wish I had a picture of you like that.” 

“You’ll be seeing it a lot, I’m sure,” said Daniel with a smile.  “That was great, Jack! I never imagined…”

His humor vanished and self-consciousness crept in.

He lowered his eyes and looked at the flower petals between them instead. 

“That you’d be with another man like that?”  Jack prodded gently. 

Daniel nodded.  “It’s not like I never had offers,” he admitted shyly.  “I mean, sometimes I wondered what kind of vibes I was giving off, because men would hit on me when I least expected it.” 

“You’re a hot looking guy with an open mind,” Jack reminded him.  “Of course people are gonna be attracted to you.” 

He turned on his side and slid closer, scraping up a pile of flower petals between them. Jack embraced Daniel and pulled him close, almost nose to nose on the pillow.  “I’m glad I was your first.  But I hope you’ll be turning all the rest of ‘em all down now, because you are _so_ taken!” 

Daniel smiled at him again, his eyes twinkling.  “Yeah, I sure am.” 

Jack kissed him, very gently, enjoying the way Daniel’s hand smoothed down his side to his hip, fingers digging in possessively. 

“Mine,” declared Daniel when Jack released his lips. 

“Always,” Jack assured him. 

He rolled over and put his back to Daniel again.  “So what does the rest of the inscription say?” 

“Hmmm, where was I?”  Daniel’s gently brushed some stray flower petals from Jack’s back and then his fingers traced over the columns of text, and he mumbled an occasional word until his index finger stopped on a glyph and poked it. 

Instinctively, Jack flinched and chuckled.    

“Ticklish?” asked Daniel.  He poked the spot again. 

Jack concentrated and fought off the urge to laugh.  “Yes, but I can control it.  You can only get me by surprise, so just forget it now, Jackson.” 

“Darn.”  Daniel sighed and let his fingers do the walking again.  “Ah, yes, here we are. 

‘ _With a sweep of your heart, you changed my desert into an Eden, and helped me understand that there is more in the universe than the cold satisfaction of knowledge.  There is faith and hope and love, bright things I never truly grasped before._ ” 

Daniel’s hand caressed over Jack’s buttock, cupping it in the palm of his hand.  He scooted close, spooning Jack, and reached around him to press his palm against Jack’s chest.  His voice was soft against Jack’s ear as he recited the last line of the letter from memory. 

“ _I have always had trouble believing in gods, but from the beginning… I have always believed in you.”_  

The words clutched at Jack’s heart.  Emotions clogged his throat.  He couldn’t speak, couldn’t tell Daniel how beautiful that was, so he just held Daniel’s hand over his heart and hoped his lover understood.

 

* * *

 

 

It was late when Jack awoke, unaware of exactly when he had dropped off to sleep.  Daniel was still cuddled up to him, his body pressed along Jack’s back.  Jack lay there looking around the room, still lit with burning candles, most of them about to sputter out and die. He needed to put them out, so he slowly, carefully disentangled himself from Daniel’s embrace. 

When that was done, he turned on one of the bedside lamps and went to stand by the window to gaze out at the brightly lit city, thinking. 

His ass was sore, a reminder of what he’d done with Daniel.  He didn’t regret it for a moment, and put one hand back to touch, to remember how it felt to be loved by a man.  He closed his eyes, willing himself back to the pleasure of being penetrated.   

Jack jerked his hand away as if he’d been burned as other memories surfaced.  He struggled to push them away, but they taunted him, tore at him, and left him shaking and sweating, his face pushed up against the cool window glass as he struggled to control his breathing through the panic gripping his heart.   

A light touch on his shoulder set him off, and he whirled around with only self-preservation in mind, fists cocked, and teeth clenched. 

Daniel staggered back, eyes wide at Jack’s unexpected ferocity, hands coming up to protect himself. “Jack!” he called.  “I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean to startle you.  I thought you heard me get up.” 

“Daniel!  God, I almost—“ He reached for his lover and took him into his arms.  “I’m so sorry.  I was… a million miles away.” 

He clutched at the back of Daniel’s head, bent down to kiss his neck and held him tightly, Jack's heart pounding against his ribs.   

He spied the black box on the nightstand and the bottle of champagne in the bucket and pulled away, trying to cover what had just happened between them. 

“Hey, we’ve still got some celebrating to do,” Jack told him, doing his best to smile and change the subject. 

 He glanced at his watch on the nightstand as he headed over to fetch his robe and shrug into it, then bring Daniel’s to him. 

“Your birthday’s not technically over yet, since it isn’t midnight, so what say we get to the rest of the party?” 

Daniel still looked a little spooked as he slipped into his robe.  “Okay.”   

He limped over to the bed, brushed a shower of petals off to the floor and sat down. With a look at Jack, he explained, “They were sticking to my ass.  They tickled.” 

Jack grinned for real then.  “Yeah, irritating as hell, isn’t it?” He started sweeping the petals off the bed and onto the floor.  “Housekeeping is gonna hate us. I’ll have to leave them a big tip.” 

“So much for romance, huh?” teased Daniel.  His smile softened as he slipped on his glasses and looked up at Jack.  “It was beautiful.  _You’re_ beautiful, Jack.  Thank you.” 

“Happy birthday, Daniel.”  Jack retrieved the two flutes from the stand and handed them to his lover.  He pulled the champagne bottle out of the half melted ice and peeled the foil and wire wrap off the top.  After loosening the stopper with a corkscrew, Jack arched an eyebrow at his lover, gave the bottle a couple of good, hard shakes, and worked the cork off with his thumbs. It shot off toward the far corner and foamed over the top of the bottle.  Jack waited until it settled and took one of the glasses Daniel handed him, filling it nearly full.   

He filled the other glass, retrieved the tray of fruit, and sat down on the bed beside his lover.  His ass felt warm and good, and as he saw the contentment softening Daniel’s face, he knew again that he’d done the right thing. 

It would be easier in the future, now that the decision had finally been made and the awkwardness of their first time was behind them. 

Maybe the ghosts of Jack’s past would fade away, leaving no trace of their ugliness behind. 

He had faith that his future would be bright with love and happiness. 

“To forever,” he said, lifting his glass toward Daniel. 

“And to love,” said Daniel, meeting his eyes.  “I love you, Jack.”   

He wanted to say those beautiful words back to Daniel, but he’s never said them to anyone but his wife and son.  Somehow, they’d come easily in Charlie’s presence, but only when it was the two of them.  He’s declared his feelings only a few times with Sara, but she’s understood they didn’t come easily to him and didn’t press him for declarations. 

Jack always wondered if, in the end, that might have been the final nail in the coffin their marriage had become after Charlie’s death. 

“Me, too,” he echoed lamely. 

They clinked their glasses together and took a sip. Jack downed his glass after that first approving taste and poured another.  Then he reached for the gift box and set it on the bed between them. 

“This is your _real_ birthday present,” Jack announced.  “The card’s inside.” 

With a smile, Daniel untied the black bow and carefully lifted the lid.  A small white card lay on the top, with a rainbow swash of color splashed across it emblazoned with an elegant script that read _Feliz Compleanos_ , Spanish for _Happy Birthday_.  He watched Daniel’s expression as he opened the card and read the words he’d written over his signature.

 

_Your parents gave you roots.  Your brilliant mind gave you the keys to the universe.  Your heart gives you wings._

_Fly with me, Daniel.  Let’s see if we can touch the face of God._

_Love, Jack_

 

Daniel didn’t look up with a smile, as Jack had pictured him doing in his mind when he’d composed the note.  Daniel didn’t say anything, didn’t kiss him to pieces.  Maybe Jack hadn’t said it right, or Daniel didn’t get the reference to the famous poem written by a long-dead flyboy. 

Then Jack saw Daniel face redden as he blinked and tears rolled down his cheeks. His shoulders started to tremble. 

 _Oh, he’d gotten it, all right._  

Jack waited, trying to hold back on the excitement, trying not to hope for too much. 

Daniel set the card aside and lifted one flap of the pale blue tissue paper inside the box. 

Beneath it was another flap, and sitting on the paper was a small, flat river stone, roughly in the shape of a heart.   

Jack cleared his throat.  “I found that when I was a boy,” Jack told him, remembering coming upon it again in the trunk with his grandmother’s book.  “Kept it with me because I always thought it was special.  Never knew why until I got older.” 

Carefully, Daniel lifted it out and held it in his palm, his fingers running over the gritty, uneven surface, stroking across a ridge where some of the stone had chipped off or been worn away. 

“I think it was kind of a personal totem, you know, like Native Americans used to have.” 

“They still do,” Daniel assured him, his voice husky with love.  “It’s a quiet part of their culture, but a lot of them still keep some of the old ways. I admire that.” 

Jack nodded.  He studied the stone heart in Daniel’s hand, and impulsively closed his lover’s fingers over it. “Take care of it for me, Daniel.  It’s yours now.” 

Daniel raised brimming eyes to Jack’s, understanding of the symbolism gleaming in his azure eyes. 

“I will,” he promised fervently. He clutched his fist to his heart and held it against his chest for a moment. 

Jack’s throat was tight with joy and relief. 

“There’s something else in the box. One more thing. The best gift of all. I hope.” 

With his free hand, Daniel carefully peeled back the last layer of tissue paper and peered down into the box.  Inside it was a small, very old, worn, dirty book.  The cover was made of dark green leather, embossed with an elegant Art Noveau border. 

The title, written in a flourished script, read, _The Language of Flowers_.   

“Oh, look!” Daniel whispered.  He clutched the stone heart against his palm with three fingers, using the remaining finger and thumb to help lift the book out of the box and open it.  He turned to the title page and glanced at the publishing information. 

“This is Victorian.  And a first edition!  Oh, my God!  It must have cost a fortune!”  He looked up at Jack with worried eyes.  “Jack, you spent so much on the garden, I _know_ you can’t afford this.  The stone is enough. _More_ than enough. And this hotel.  I don’t want to pry, but … can you afford this?  You don’t need to spend anything on me.  I’m happy with just you. You’re all I want.” 

Tears prickled at the back of Jack’s eyes.  He blinked and gathered himself, love burning in his chest and belly.  He reached out and grasped Daniel’s nape, wrapping his fingers around the back of Daniel’s neck.  He ran his thumb along the tender skin there and smiled. 

“This book belonged to my Grandma O’Neill, Daniel,” he explained.  “It was the only thing of hers I got to keep when she passed away.” 

His smile widened.  “You wanted to know where I learned about all the gardening stuff? I grew up in her shadow, following behind her as she planned and planted.  She made the same kind of garden for her husband, my grandfather.  You should’ve _seen_ it, babe.” He sighed, remembering. “She wrote him a new one every spring, until the day she died.” 

Daniel closed the book and handed it toward Jack.  “I can’t take this,” he protested.  “It’s too much, too personal.” 

Dropping his gaze to the book, Jack accepted it. 

“But, see, you _have_ to take it,” he murmured as he opened it again and turned a few pages to the dedication. Then he handed it back, turning it so Daniel could read it.  “See what she wrote here?  I can’t keep it anymore, Daniel.  Granny O’Neill said so, and _no one_ ever disobeyed The Gran.” 

Daniel began to read. 

Jack didn’t need to, since he’d memorized the words as a boy.

 

_When you find the one flower that is like no other, let this be your gift to that blossom, so it may flourish in your garden, the centerpiece in the landscape of your soul._

“I found the _one_ , Daniel.”  Jack sighed happily.  “Sara never saw this book.  Never even knew I had it. I sent her flowers, little messages here and there, but she never understood.  She never saw me, not like you do.  That was my fault, because I never showed her the real me.  This is yours now.  I know you’ll take excellent care of it and treasure it as much as I have.  Maybe even more, since books are little pieces of your heart.”  

Daniel nodded in understanding, his eyes averted, his expression contemplative.  Carefully, he laid the book back into its box and repacked the stone and card exactly as he had found them.  He re-tied the ribbon and got up, hobbling over to the nightstand. 

He left the package there and came back to Jack’s other side, sitting down again and holding out his glass for a refill.   

For a moment, Daniel sat with his head down staring at the glass in his hand, twirling it as he pondered the events of their evening.  He drained his glass and set it aside, then turned to his lover. 

Jack couldn’t read his expression.  He’d never seen Daniel like that, eyes wide and bright, face set, lower lip slightly quivering. 

“Never…” Daniel whispered, glancing up at the ceiling as he searched for what he wanted to say.  Tears welled up in his eyes.  He swallowed, his jaws clenched and his lips pressed firmly together for a moment. 

The bottom dropped out of Jack’s stomach.  He was suddenly afraid that he’d done something wrong, and what had been beautiful was about to turn into something terrible.  

“Never has anybody, _ever_ ,” Daniel started again, a little louder this time, his voice raw and hoarse with emotion, “given so much of themselves to me.  Jack.” 

He gasped a little, hands reaching out for him.  “Oh, God, how I love you.”  He made an attempt at a smile, blinking rapidly and shaking his head in wonder. “I am _seriously_ wowed here.” 

Relief hit Jack like a blast from a fire hose.  He tackled Daniel, kissing him down into the pillows, pulling at the sash to his robe and going for the skin.  His hands touched Daniel everywhere he could reach, his body squirming over Daniel’s until Jack could manage to tear himself away from that incredible mouth.  He was quivering with joy, and gazed down into his lover’s eyes with a smile. 

“If I could get it up again right now I would _so_ be boinking you,” Jack murmured happily. 

Daniel grinned. 

Jack’s eyes widened as he felt the distinct sensation of Daniel’s cock hardening against his thigh.  “I’m gonna have to get Janet to give me some Viagra, if I’m gonna keep up with you, aren’t I?” 

Daniel’s eyebrows waggled above his smug smile.  “Youth has its advantages,” he sighed teasingly.  “Sure you can handle me?  Because I have a feeling we’re gonna be doing this a lot. I’m a dedicated student, you know, and I have to practice if I intend to improve.” 

With a groan, Jack rolled off Daniel and flopped onto his back on the bed.  “You’re not _that_ much younger than me.” 

“But I’ll bet you’ve had a lot more sex in your lifetime than I have, and I plan on making up for lost time,” Daniel assured him.  He reached over and dusted his fingertips through the top of the forest of Jack’s chest hair playfully.

 “I’m gonna go have a shower, and when I get back—“ 

“Why don’t we shower together, and see what comes up?”  Jack suggested, grinning back at him. 

“That line is so _old_ , Jack. Probably older than you. I thought you hated clichés.”   

Daniel sat up, grabbed his cane and hobbled toward the bathroom with Jack right behind him. He bent down to turn on the tap in the tub and let the water heat up.   

Jack ran his hands over Daniel’s firmly muscled ass and groaned with appreciation. 

“Wow,” he said softly, more to himself than to Daniel, “look at what we got here, wouldja.” 

Daniel stood up quickly and whirled around to face him. 

“Jack, don’t!” he warned, stepping to one side.  “I _told_ you, don’t touch me there.” 

His voice was sharp and tense.  His face was shuttered closed again, and he wouldn’t meet Jack’s eyes.   

Something inside Jack went very still at the abrupt chill in Daniel’s demeanor.  “Why?  You know I’d never hurt you or do anything you don’t want—“ 

Blue eyes glimmered with warning as they rose to meet his.  “I _don’t_ want you touching my _ass_ ,” Daniel reiterated, his voice a low growl filled with warning.  “I _don’t_ want you _fucking_ my ass.  Okay?” 

Jack swallowed and nodded. 

“Okay, Daniel,” he said quietly.  “I just thought that, since you… since you fucked me just now, and we both liked it, that maybe… you might’ve changed your mind.” 

“I’ll _never_ change my mind on that,” Daniel assured him adamantly, sitting down on the side of the tub to check the water temperature so he wouldn’t have to put his back to Jack. 

Backing up a step toward the door, Jack felt the need to escape. 

“I’ll let you clean up, and I’ll come in when you’re done.  Then I won’t be behind you in the shower.” 

He turned and bolted, closing the door behind himself, ignoring Daniel calls for him to come back. 

With cold certainty, Jack knew there was a reason for Daniel’s behavior in the bathroom and that knowledge shook him to the core.  There was so much in Daniel’s past that Jack didn’t know, that they had never talked about, and Jack hoped that they would eventually get to a point of closeness and trust where Daniel would be able to confide in him.  

Daniel could talk about stuff.  Daniel could talk people’s ears off.  But it struck Jack that there was one subject that Daniel _never_ broached with anyone. 

 _Himself._  

It was entirely possible that Daniel might never open up enough to share whatever was so terrible about his past with Jack.  But then there were a lot of dark things in Jack’s personal history that he never wanted Daniel to know, either.  He could live with that.  Surely as long as they had each other, that was all that mattered.  Jack had his own demons that he was keeping ruthlessly under wraps, but he hoped that Daniel would grow to trust him enough one day to tell him about his. 

Then he thought about how hypocritical that was, wanting Daniel to share something Jack couldn’t do himself. 

But the more he thought about it, the more certain he was that there was an event in Daniel’s past that had brought about that reaction.  It wasn’t just a lack of curiosity. 

It was fear, deep and unforgettable, which Jack knew could only come from one thing. 

Jack went over to the bed and sat down, pouring himself another glass of champagne, his heart aching.  He didn’t drink from his flute, lifting the cover off the grapes and strawberries instead.  He was chewing on one of them, unable to taste it at all, when Daniel hobbled back out of the bathroom, the sound of the water still running in the shower. 

“I’m sorry,” he called, genuine regret in his face and voice.  “I just can’t.  I’ve thought about it a lot, and I… I can’t.” 

“It’s okay,” Jack assured him, looking down at the half-eaten berry in his hand rather than meet his lover’s eyes.  “Want a strawberry?” 

He held the tray up to Daniel and forced himself to look at him. 

Daniel ignored the question and took a deep breath.  “Okay, look.  You can _touch_ my ass, but nothing up the… you know. Nothing in _there._ All right?” 

“No, that’s okay.  I won’t touch your ass again. I don’t want you to be on guard when I’m behind you, so we’ll just call it our No Man’s Land.”  Jack kept his voice and expression carefully neutral, hoping Daniel wouldn’t see how wrecked he was just then.  He toyed with the fruit to avoid meeting his lover’s unhappy gaze, still reeling from the shock of the vehement rejection he’d been handed a few minutes before. 

It really _was_ okay, because it had to be. 

 But Jack needed a few seconds to process what Daniel needed. 

“Jack.”  Daniel took a couple of steps towards him.  “I—“ 

“No, it’s okay, Daniel.”  He stood up and dropped the berry into the ice bucket with the champagne bottle.  “Really.” 

He walked over to Daniel, glancing into his eyes as he came closer.  Heedless of the juice on his fingers, he wrapped his arms around him and just held him.  He wanted more than anything just to hide his face, but also to reassure Daniel that all was well between them.

 He’d resigned himself weeks ago to being nothing more than friends, and then love had dropped right into his lap.  It had restrictions, but he’d be okay with that.  Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined things would ever get this far between them. 

Now that they had, he was damned grateful.  

When he pulled away, he was smiling, feeling better, his happiness growing by the moment.  

“Come take a shower with me, Jack,” Daniel invited softly, his left hand stroking across Jack’s back, his right clutching his cane.  “Please.” 

They made love again in the shower, with a quiet intensity, mindful of the shift in their relationship that had come about in the last few hours.  The confusion and hurt feelings between them were forgotten for the time being.  Then they came back to bed and enjoyed the fruit and the rest of the champagne.  Eventually they settled down for a good night’s sleep.  

Twice more before morning they made love.  Jack was satisfied that, either Daniel had been misled about his abilities in bed, or Jack’s lessons had the desired effect, because he had no complaints at all.  He knew that both of them were still learning how to make love to another man, and there were some awkward moments on both their parts as they fumbled their way along, but Jack had every confidence that they would find their way together.  

Jack had everything he wanted and would put forth his best effort to be all Daniel needed.  Their future looked bright, and now, as summer moved slowly toward sweltering weather and merciless heat, Daniel had regained his health.  They could move forward, letting him take a more active role in their love life.  Jack anticipated that with joy.

 

* * *

 

 

**July 9**

**The Next Day**  

When they returned home on Sunday afternoon, Jack did the unpacking and went to find Daniel, outside in the yard, wandering near the back garden.  He stood beside the focal point, still empty, but the spot clearly marked with stone.  Jack had hired a stone cutter to shape them for him, and the resulting sculpture was beautiful all by itself, but the open center of the bed remained empty.  

Tall, pale rocks of a yellowish-white hue stood up behind the bed, set into the ground in front of a terraced area.  The rocks were chiseled to fit together so that they were narrow at the base, wide near the tip, with points carved out of the ends so that the stones gave the appearance of rays around a sun that had just disappeared beyond the horizon.  The same pattern was repeated in front of the bed, but those stones lay flat on the ground and pushed the lawn far back from the semicircular bed. 

“What goes here?” asked Daniel, pointing to the empty central bed with his cane. 

“Haven’t decided yet,” Jack answered, slipping his arm around Daniel’s waist.  “That one I may need some help with from my linguist friend.” He winked at Daniel and kissed his cheek. 

Jack was pleased that Daniel didn’t pull away from him, even though they were outside. 

“What do you want to say here?”  Daniel glanced at the other flowers nearby in adjoining beds.  “This is kind of the middle of the paragraph.” 

“Depends on where you start,” Jack told him.  “I planned it to be either, ‘Dear Daniel’ or ‘Love, Jack,’ with everything sort of spreading out from there. Haven’t found a plant that says that yet, so I’m open. I’ll keep looking.  It’s gotta be something that takes your breath away, though. Something unique.  Beautiful.” He met Daniel’s eyes. “Like what I’m looking at right now.” 

Jack felt the warmth spreading from Daniel’s smile all through him.  He planted his feet as Daniel leaned against him, helping support his lover as Daniel hooked his left hand around Jack’s neck and pulled him into a kiss.

Jack’s eyes closed, and they lingered there in the garden, the July sun beating down on them, the hot air and heavy scent of flowers making him a little drowsy. 

Daniel pulled away and kissed Jack’s closed eyelids. 

Jack’s heart thrummed in his chest.  He ached inside, needing Daniel close and breathless.  His trembling hands closed over Daniel’s ribs to help steady them both. 

“Will you let me choose what to plant there?”  Daniel asked hungrily. 

Nodding, Jack struggled to open his eyes.  “Any ideas for the secret garden yet?” 

His mind automatically went to that patch of woods deep in the back part of the lot, and his fantasy returned of making love to Daniel there. 

He swept it quickly away, understanding now that might never come to pass, and why.  

Daniel shook his head, eyes only for Jack.  “Only thinking about planting one thing here, big guy,” he panted, drawing Jack’s hand down to the erection pressing against his jeans. “You’re not too sore?” 

“Want you, Daniel,” Jack told him eagerly.  “Want you inside me again.” 

Daniel nodded, breathing hard as he pulled away, tugging on Jack’s hand.  “Come on, then.  The gardening talk will wait.  We’ve got some wild oats to sow instead.” 

Jack smiled as he walked along with his lover, keeping pace with him as they ambled along in the summer sunshine, back into their home, to their bed. 

Yes, it was enough. 

He belonged to Daniel completely now, body and soul, and he owned Daniel’s heart.

It was more than enough.

It was the stuff of dreams. 

FIN


	3. Garden of Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack hits a rough patch in his relationship with Daniel, and self-doubt leads him to a very dark place.

**8 February**

**Seven months later**  

Jack stood in the kitchen, his head down, pensive as he finished up the dishes. He and Daniel had had a good dinner, but there’d been very little small talk.  Daniel had gotten home late due to some big translation project, as usual, and in a few minutes Jack would be going off to bed alone.  Following their usual pattern, Daniel would undoubtedly stay up in the office until he fell asleep at the desk, and then later Jack would have to go in and prod him to get up and come to bed.  

It was an all too familiar routine, and Jack was sick of it.

He missed Daniel, missed talking to him, missed working with him, missed having him in bed for more than a handful of hours a night.  He missed their companionship. 

His loneliness like a bitter taste in his mouth, Jack rinsed off the last handful of silverware and set them into the drainer.  He pulled the drain plug and waited for the water to swirl out so he could rinse the sink of residual suds.  His mind was on autopilot, his thoughts focused only on his situation with Daniel. 

“Hey,” called Daniel from the kitchen doorway. “Have I told you how much I love your lasagna?” 

He came up behind Jack and slipped his arms around his waist after leaning his cane against the kitchen counter. Those articulate hands started wandering to the tune of happy groans, and Jack felt Daniel’s teeth graze against his shoulder. Disappointment settled into Jack’s heart as he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, knowing exactly what would come next. 

“I miss you, Daniel,” he said softly, making no protest as his lover’s hands unfastened his jeans and pushed them down. 

“Mmm, you, too,” Daniel responded in a matter-of-fact voice, kissing the back of his neck.  

Jack didn’t even try to get involved, just let Daniel touch him and held onto the side of the sink, knowing how his body would react.  

Daniel had the lube in his pocket, having taken it from the bedroom drawer.  He slicked up one finger, slipping it into Jack’s ass from behind. He laid the tube on the counter and reached around to Jack’s flaccid cock, squeezing it and whispering soft words of love in Jack’s ear until his body responded as it always did. 

Jack leaned on the counter with his elbows now, pushing his hips backward, only half-listening to the encouraging little monologue going on behind him.  His heart wasn’t in this, but Daniel didn’t seem to notice.  

For several weeks now, it seemed sex was all they had in common, coming together for nightly interludes that varied in length according to how much time Daniel had to spare in his schedule.   

Every few weeks, whenever he finished up a big project, they’d make love for hours until Jack felt as if he were the luckiest, most adored man on any planet. 

But on nights like tonight, when Daniel’s schedule was packed, he’d get a quickie when Daniel was ready for it and maybe another when the alarm clock went off in the morning. 

Jack was dismayed at how used that made him feel.  

But now, as Daniel’s cock pushed inside him, he felt the disappointment fading, hiding in the rush of ecstasy that his lover always managed to inspire.  It felt so good, being fucked, and Daniel had learned exactly what he liked, where and how to thrust to give Jack the best ride and make him come hard and fast.   

Daniel played him like a grand piano, and it wasn’t long before Jack felt his orgasm uncoiling low in his belly. 

He grabbed a dishtowel and held it over the head of his dick, grunting as he came into the cloth. 

Then it was Daniel’s turn.  Faster and harder, he thrust into Jack’s ass, growling and whispering, his hands clutching at Jack’s hips, holding on until he slammed in deep, frozen in place as he pulsed and twitched in the depths of Jack’s guts. 

He panted against the back of his neck, planting breathless little kisses on his shoulders. 

Daniel rested on him for several moments, arms encircling Jack’s waist, sweaty cheek plastered against Jack’s nape, hands gently stroking through the hair on his chest and belly. 

Then he drew away, pulling himself out of Jack’s warm body, and planting a brief kiss on the side of his neck. 

Daniel snatched a couple of paper towels off the rack and gently cleaned his lover’s backside, helping to pull his pants back up into place before wiping himself and refastening his own. 

“Thanks, love,” he murmured as he kissed Jack’s cheek.  “You gonna be up late tonight?” 

Turning to face him, Jack’s heart leaped up into his throat at the sight of his beautiful lover, his face still flushed, sweat on his upper lip, eyes glistening with joy and pleasure. 

 Sated Daniel was something Jack never got tired of seeing, but he missed him so much, it was a constant ache in his soul. 

He had to make a couple of tries before he could make his voice work. 

“No, I’ll be going to bed soon. You?” 

“Nah, gotta get this translation done ASAP,” Daniel called over his shoulder as he moved steadily away. “Come kiss me goodnight?” 

“Sure thing.”

Jack looked back down into the sink.  As he examined the froth of soapsuds still clinging to the enamel, he was dully aware that their whole encounter had taken less than ten minutes.  Mechanically he turned on the tap and rinsed out the suds, took the dishcloth and dishtowel with him into the bathroom and dropped them in the laundry bin. 

He took off his clothes and got into the shower, closing his eyes and gasping as he let the unheated water run over his face.  In seconds he was shaking from the cold.  It always took longer for the water to warm up in the wintertime after sitting in the frigid pipes beneath the house.  

But he knew he was shaking for another reason, too. 

He’d been dreaming about it a lot lately.

_Rough hands clutching at him from behind, yanking at his clothes. Men he couldn’t see hurting him, debasing him, humiliating him._

Memories of the physical pain were still bright and sharp, even after all those years, but worst of all was his secret shame, the one thing he’d never told anyone, not even Daniel.  _Especially_ not Daniel.  He carried it around like a knife in his gut, and now, for no reason, it was all coming back to haunt him, a living, waking nightmare. 

The water coursed down his face, warmer now, feeling like a shower of the tears he couldn't shed. 

That wasn’t exactly true, Jack knew. There _was_ a reason it was all coming back now.

He was having penetrative sex with Daniel.

Sometimes it hurt at first, especially if Daniel were in a hurry or exceptionally aroused. He didn't hold back when taking Jack, and once Jack's arousal caught up with Daniel's, he wanted that roughness, reveled in feeling Daniel's strength and his passion. Getting it from behind was the only way they did it, since Daniel's disability limited what he could do. He was fucking Jack almost daily now, and every time Daniel entered him, every time Jack came, he thought about that shameful secret, even if only for a few brief seconds. 

And _hated_ himself. 

He had steadfastly refused to feel sorry for himself, refused to cry.  All that had been a long, long time ago, in another life.  He was different now.  Everything was different, and crying about it wouldn’t help anyway.  He hadn’t done it then and wouldn’t now.  He just needed to get a grip and talk to Daniel about spending more time together, so he wouldn’t feel like such a… _kosoo_. 

That was what they’d called him.

One of many names, none of them his own.

All of them shameful. 

Jack straightened up under the spray. He backed up until the water was hitting him in the chest, so he could open his eyes and stare at the white tiles in the shower stall. Ice was forming in his veins, even while his skin was burning from the now-scalding water.   

The torment was almost constant now, gnawing at his insides, nagging at his consciousness, taunting him every waking moment.  It had been slowly eroding what pleasure he’d found with Daniel, making Jack feel brittle and trapped, like an animal being prodded into a cage. 

He wondered about his own sanity, feeling as if he might slide off some slippery edge at any moment.  He needed to do _something_ , but had no clue what action he could take. 

More than anything, he just didn’t want to think about it. Somehow the monster seemed smaller, more manageable, as long as he could keep it pushed back in the shadows.  He was terrified that if it ever came out into the light, it might be too much for him to bear. 

Numbly, Jack shut off the water and got out. He stared at his reflection in the steamy mirror, grabbing a hand towel and cleaning it off so he could look at himself. His face was still deeply tanned from all the gardening he’d done over the summer and fall.  In stark contrast to it, his hair was nearly all silver now.  It was longer than he’d worn it since he was a teenager, curling down over his nape and hanging over his forehead. He’d grown it out, thinking Daniel might like it longer, but his lover had never seemed to notice. 

All Jack could think of as he stared at his hazy reflection was that his hair was now longer than Carter’s.  _Longer than a woman’s._

His guts clenched. He started to shake. He reached up to the nape of his neck and stroked his long, wet hair with trembling fingers. 

“I’m still a _man_ ,” he murmured to his reflection.  

He closed his eyes and slipped into the familiar fantasy of fucking Daniel, of thrusting into his strong, willing body, and instantly felt a sense of peace and fulfillment.

 _That_ was what he needed, to penetrate and dominate, to be a man in their bed. 

But Daniel couldn’t give that to him. Daniel was the one in charge there, always the one on top, always the one fucking Jack. It was the way it had to be in order for them to be together, and Jack had willingly given that to the man he loved. 

Even now, there were no regrets.   

No _real_ regrets, but a creeping sensation of hysteria whispering against the back of his neck, trailing cold fingers up and down his spine. 

 _Kosoo… kosoo… kosoo._  

He dried off, dressed in sweats and a T-shirt and went into the kitchen for a beer. He carried it into the living room, thinking and pacing, stopping by the window to look outside at the snowy yard. When that bottle was empty he went for another, and then another, pacing and thinking, trying desperately to maintain some sense of control. 

A six-pack later, he opened the door to the deck and tottered barefoot out into the frozen landscape, where everything was covered up with netting and tarps and mulch, a light dusting of snow on every bush and shrub and tree.  His garden was sleeping, completely hidden beneath the protective covers.  

 _Was that why things had changed between them_ , he wondered, _because Daniel couldn’t see the flowers anymore?_  

He stumbled back inside the house, his head reeling, his feet numb with cold. He collapsed on the sofa, staring out the windows at the shapeless yard. Some of the plants in pots and containers were wintering in the garage, he remembered through his alcoholic haze.  He went out there and started bringing them in, the most important ones, setting them in the middle of the living room floor and uncovering them.  Many were just the husks of dried leaves sticking up above the potting soil, the bulbs beneath dormant. 

Daniel wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t get the message from that. He needed to see bright blooms and green leaves. The color and life were important, and all that was gone now. 

Jack picked up the cordless kitchen phone and hunted for the phone book, unable to remember the florist’s number. He walked into the den, only marginally aware of Daniel’s presence, weaving as he made his way to the recliner. With a plop, he sat down in it, picked up the phone book from the bookrack on the floor beside it and started thumbing through the yellow pages, squinting to try to read through his boozy haze. 

“Jack?”  Daniel was sitting at the desk, working on his laptop. 

“Gotta make a call,” Jack slurred. “Gotta plaiz ‘n order.” 

“You’re drunk.” 

“So?”  He continued to fumble with the damned phone book, which wasn’t cooperating in the least, nearly sliding out of his lap. 

“It’s almost midnight. Who were you gonna call?” Daniel got up and came over to sit near him on the brown leather sofa. 

“Hel-Helen.” 

“Helen who?”

 Jack raised bleary eyes to his partner. “Gotta getcha s’m more flowers, Danny. So you’ll know.” 

A gentle smile crinkled the corners of Daniel’s eyes.

“I know, Jack.”

He stood up, leaning on his cane, and reached over to tug the phone book gently from Jack’s grasp.

“Come on, big guy. I think I need to put you to bed.” 

“Uh-uh,” Jack protested.  “Gotta call Helen, Dan’l.” 

“S’almost midnight, Jack.  Her shop is closed right now.  And anyway, I don’t need flowers to know you love me, okay?  You don’t have to say the words or write me secret messages anymore.  I _know._ So come on, and let’s get you to bed, okay?” 

“’Kay.”

Jack was too tired to protest. He hoisted himself out of the comfy chair, got a precarious hold on his balance, and, with Daniel hanging onto his waist, managed to make it to their bedroom without smashing into a wall or doorjamb. 

Daniel guided him into the bathroom and got him started brushing his teeth. “Go pee when you finish, and I’ll turn down the bed,” he ordered gently. 

“Mmmm,” agreed Jack mindlessly. A pleasant haze was settling over him, partly from the booze, and partly because Daniel was with him, taking care of him, watching over him. That felt good. That was what he needed. 

When he emerged unsteadily from the bathroom, he saw that Daniel was also changing for bed, and that made him smile.

“Danny,” he murmured happily, and shuffled over to drape himself on his lover’s shoulders. “Come t’bed w’me?” 

“I’ve got work to do, Jack,” Daniel returned quietly. He walked Jack over to the bed, pulled back the covers, and helped him between them.

He gasped when he touched Jack’s icy feet.

“What the hell were you doing, walking barefoot in the snow?” 

“No flowers f’r you out there,” said Jack as his head smacked the pillow and rolled a little. “All gone.” 

Daniel tucked the covers all around Jack and then sat down on the side of the bed with him.  He stroked Jack’s long hair, running his fingers through it, and smiled down at him. 

“So you walked out in the snow barefoot because I needed flowers, huh?  Tell me why I needed flowers.”  He leaned down and kissed Jack’s forehead. 

Jack exhaled deeply in resignation, forcing his eyes open to look at his lover.  “Fucknrun,” he slurred. 

Daniel’s eyebrows twitched together.  “Huh?” 

Lifting one arm out from beneath the blankets, Jack flailed like a conductor whipping up an orchestra, then let it drop onto the covers.

“Wham, bam, thankya, m…”

He swallowed hard, fighting off the mental images, the insulting accusation tearing at his guts. “Ma’am.” 

All the humor slowly drained from Daniel’s expression. He blinked at Jack. “Fuck and run?” he asked, his expressive brows drawing together in confusion. “Is that what you said a minute ago? Is that what I did? Oh, Jack, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” 

He bent down and hugged Jack for a moment. Then he sat up.

“Screw it. The translation can wait. I’m gonna go shut things down, and I’ll be right back, okay? You’re way more important than anything I’ve got going at work.”

He kissed Jack on the forehead again and stood up, limping briskly out of the room with his cane. 

The weight of the grief Jack had been carrying lifted slightly, and his heart sang when Daniel came back a few minutes later, turning off lights and getting into bed beside him. Daniel snuggled close, wrapping his arms and legs around him, hooking his heel behind Jack’s and pulling his cold feet between his calves to warm them with his body. He shared Jack’s pillow and put their foreheads together, his fingers playing in Jack’s thick hair.  

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I haven’t been paying enough attention to you lately, have I?”  

He sighed when Jack didn’t deny it, but just stared at him in the deep shadows, moonlight reflected on snow making the bedroom bright enough to see clearly.  

“Okay, let’s see. You’re teaching at the academy next week. The week after that, you’re taking the blankets off the garden and starting to set out some new bulbs. I’m gone the next week and then you’re off to the Pentagon to meet with the program supervisors for a couple of days. That puts us into late March, early April for even looking at taking a few days’ personal time. Think you can wait that long? If not, I’ll rearrange my schedule and we’ll do something sooner. Maybe go up to the cabin for a long weekend and let the garden wait. How about that, _vidámo?”_  

“Love of your life, huh?” teased Jack, speaking very slowly to make himself clear. “Am I? Really?” 

Daniel’s fingers were gentle as they traced along Jack’s cheek, carding through his hair and sweeping the long silver silk back over his neck beneath his ear. 

Jack remembered playing with Sara’s hair like that in bed when they were married, and something inside him curled up and shuddered.

He was a _man_. He _was!_

Daniel didn’t think of him as if he were a woman, didn' t treat him like ‘the woman’ in their relationship. They were equals.  Jack was sure of it. 

“Yeah, Jack,” Daniel agreed huskily. “You really _are_ the love of my life.” He kissed Jack, his lips tender and sweet. 

Tears prickled at the back of Jack’s eyes. As Daniel pulled away from him, Jack turned his head into his pillow, closing his eyes, burrowing under the covers with all the coordination he could manage.

“G’night, Daniel,” he whispered. 

As Daniel kissed him again, Jack closed his eyes, willing himself into heartbroken oblivion.  In moments, he was asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Listening to Jack’s soft breathing, Daniel lay awake on his pillow, going back over his behavior of the evening. 

 Jack had been in a quiet mood, but then that had been happening a lot lately. Both of them were busy at work, and the cold had been bothering Jack’s knees, but earlier he’d said he was feeling better.  Daniel had gotten no hint that Jack was anything but interested when they’d made love in the kitchen after dinner, getting nothing but green lights all the way. 

Jack had wanted him; he was sure of that. 

But then, Daniel had always wondered if he had a problem with reading those signals right.  He’d never had a male lover before, and so was clueless about how to approach and treat Jack.  Being a guy, didn’t Jack like a good quickie now and then, to hell with the foreplay?  Jack had gotten hard when Daniel fondled him, and he’d come with hardly any effort on Daniel’s part.  He knew that Jack loved having Daniel inside him; he’d told him so often enough.  

So what was it about tonight’s encounter that had made his lover so maudlin? 

Sometimes he and Jack were so in tune it was scary. At other times, one or both of them were so obtuse they might as well not be on the same planet.

Tonight, evidently, had been one of those alien nights.  

Jack was restless in his sleep. Daniel got up after about half an hour and went to look out at the deck.  In the darkened living room, he almost tripped over the potted plants Jack had carried in from the garage and left in the middle of the floor. 

 One by one, Daniel carried them back to their places, his mind turning over Jack’s mood, looking for what had set him off.  

When that chore was done, Daniel went to the big living room windows and looked outside. 

He could clearly see Jack’s footprints in the snow, meandering in a drunken path to the sleeping garden out back.  

Still thinking, Daniel wandered back into their bedroom and eased under the covers again, resting on his back with his hands tucked behind his head, staring at the ceiling. 

In time his eyelids grew heavy, and he closed them. 

At some point during his contemplation he slipped off into sleep. 

Harsh panting woke him. 

Jack was lying on his back, stiff and trembling, his breath coming in short gasps.  He seemed to be in pain. Daniel reached out to touch him, stopping when he saw Jack’s eyes darting back and forth under his eyelids in the moonlight. 

Jack was dreaming, his eyes moving in REM sleep, and Daniel knew it wasn’t a good idea to wake him just then. He propped up on one elbow and watched Jack’s closed lids, waiting for a sign that the dream phase was over. Jack’s lips started moving.

His face tensed as if he were trying to keep silent, but a soft cry slipped out, a ragged whimper that tore at Daniel. 

He called Jack's name, trying to tug him gently out of the nightmare, but his lover dreamt on.   

Suddenly Jack’s body arched upward. His eyes snapped open, and he bolted off the bed, shouting at the top of his lungs, ”No! I won’t!”  
Jack staggered against the chest of drawers and crumpled to the floor.

“No more,” he growled, burying his face in his hands, swaying on elbows and knees. He lifted his head and pressed his palms against the floor, roaring with a voice that broke and shattered, “I’ll kill you all, you fuckers!” 

“Jack!” Daniel cried, throwing the covers off and struggling to get up. He hopped over to where Jack knelt on the floor, bent his good knee to lower himself and fell the rest of the way when he lost his balance, landing on his left hip.

Instantly he was reaching out for Jack, but his lover just pushed him away. 

“Don’t touch me,” Jack warned, now at least partially awake. He pushed himself upright, set his back against the wall and slithered down it, landing hard on his butt.

He winced, waking up fast. 

Daniel stared at him, his heart hammering in his chest. In all the years they’d been together during uncountable nights, he’d never seen Jack react to a nightmare like this one.

It had obviously been a doozie, whatever it was. 

“Are you okay?” he asked tentatively, scooting as close as Jack would allow. As soon as he saw his lover flinch, he stopped moving. “Jack, what was that?” 

“Bad dream,” Jack shot back breathlessly, his voice flat, barely any trace of drunken slur left.

His head was still a little wobbly, and he let it fall back against the wall with a _thunk_ , wincing again. 

The eyes he turned on Daniel were wild and full of fear.

“What did I say? Did I say anything?” 

 _“_ You said ‘you wouldn’t’ and ‘no more’ and threatened to kill people. What were you dreaming about?” Daniel reached out, trying to touch Jack’s arm, laid across the tops of his knees, but Jack jerked away. Daniel pulled his hand back, even more upset now than ever. 

“Just crazy stuff,” answered Jack, glancing down at the floor to his left, his fear fading, the gleam disappearing from his eyes. “Just a nightmare. It’s over now. I’m okay.” 

Daniel’s hand waved hesitantly toward him again, then drew back. “May I… may I touch you now?”

He wanted to hold Jack so badly. 

For a moment Jack didn’t move. Daniel could see his throat working, trying to swallow, maybe to speak, and finally he nodded and opened his arms and legs wide. Daniel scooted between them, resting on his left hip with his bad leg extended beneath Jack's bent knee. He threw his arms around Jack and held him tightly, his forehead almost touching the wall. 

“You scared me,” he whispered against Jack’s neck. “I was watching you sleep. I could tell you were dreaming, but I didn’t know it was a nightmare till you started screaming. Jack, you’ve _never_ done that before.  You never make a sound in your sleep.  Hell, you don’t even snore!”

He held Jack tighter, his hands stroking restlessly over Jack's back and shoulders. “Tell me about it. Please? I want to know.” 

“No,” Jack whispered roughly against his neck.

They sat as close as they could get with Daniel's legs in that awkward position, chest to chest, arms wrapped tightly around each other. “Trust me on that. You don’t want to know what that was about. Even _I_ don’t wanna know.”

He kissed Daniel just beneath his ear. “I’m just so glad you were here when I woke up, because now I know it’s just a nightmare. It can’t… not anymore, because you’re here.” 

Somehow, in Daniel’s heart, he’d heard Jack say, “It can’t _hurt me_ anymore.”

Daniel knew Jack was never so raw with his emotions, so whatever it was had been really, _really_ bad. 

“I’ll always be here for you, Jack,” he promised, and closed his eyes, waiting for the tremors to pass in both of them and peace to return.

In time they both got back into bed and held each other closely, safe and assured that the terrible dream was gone.

Gradually, wrapped up in each other, they slipped into sleep, lying close together until the alarm clock roused them to start a new day.

 

* * *

 

 

**9 March**

**Nine Days Later**  

Right at 0800, Jack pulled into the parking lot at the nursery just as the doors were opening. The owner waved at him; he gave a nod back. He’d been there often enough over the past year to be on a first name basis with the man, and Jerry Clark had even been by their place to have a look at the developing garden a couple of times. 

Now that the snow was melting and winter was breathing its last gasp, Jack had begun to uncover the hardier perennials and bulbs. It was time to start planting some new bulbs to fill out the unfinished spaces, and he was still looking for that centerpiece flower that would sit inside the handmade stone planter. There was plenty of time yet; new plants could be put in as late as May or June and still have a good growing season before the first frosts of autumn. 

That private spot deep in the trees needed some thought put into it, too.

Jack had ideas for an enclosure way in the back. He’d talked to Daniel about it and was planning to use panels of the same kind of camouflage netting the military stretched over helicopters and airplanes in the field to keep them from being spotted on the ground by enemy pilots.  

Daniel had argued that it needed to be something more exotic and elegant, but had given no hint of what he thought might be suitable materials. 

Every time Jack got on a roll talking about it, Daniel always seemed to change the subject. 

Then they’d start rolling around on each other with Daniel invariably ending up on top of him, and he’d forget all about the garden for a while. 

He reached up and stroked the hair poking down into the collar of his T-shirt.  Maybe while he was out, he’d get a haircut, too. Something that would make him feel more manly. Something short and military. It was time to go back to that, and maybe the earring should go, too.  He touched the little silver hoop dangling from his left earlobe. 

 Impulsively, he took it out and stuffed it into his pants pocket. 

Jack got out of the truck and headed into the nursery, wrinkling up his nose at the smell of the fertilizer and bug poisons stacking the shelves. He waved at Jerry, who was now slipping behind the counter to stock the till, and ambled back into the greenhouse to look at new bedding plants and seed packets for annuals.  

Just inside the greenhouse doors, he grabbed one of the big heavy-duty carts and pushed it down the aisle toward the fertilizer. He pulled a couple of bags off the shelf and stacked them on the cart, then moved down the row and picked a couple of bags of a different kind.  One of them was made from horse manure that smelled better, and he knew that one would be more natural than the chemical-based fertilizers.  Another couple of items, and he had the ingredients for his own special mix, which he would customize in composition for plants with differing needs.  

He headed for the display of bulbs and picked up a bright orange net package with a large cardstock photo of black elephant ears on the cover. They were interesting looking, but didn’t really go with anything in his design. Putting those back, he browsed through the hyacinths, irises and gladioli, and then moved on to the seed stand. 

“What looks good this year?” asked a feminine voice to his right. 

Jack glanced over his shoulder at a woman he’d seen off and on last spring and summer, doing much the same thing he had been, perusing the plants.  They’d chatted a couple of times, and she’d been a little flirtatious, but he hadn’t flirted back. 

Not much, anyway.  Not enough for her to take him seriously.  He’d just been being friendly, after all.  And so, probably, had she. 

He gave her a nod and a little half smile and turned back to the seed packets. “Oh, I dunno,” he exhaled on a sigh. “I think I’m lookin’ for some weeds this year. Know where I can get some Shepherd’s Purse?” 

“What’s that?” she asked with a surprised little laugh. She tilted her head and stepped fully around him to meet his eyes, leaning provocatively against the seed stand with one hip.  

She wore a low-cut black sweater that set off her fair skin and clung to her big boobs.  Tight black jeans showed everything there was to see about her slender waist and slim hips.  She was pretty, with bleached blonde hair and light brown eyes, almost amber in color. 

As Jack looked her over, he thought she might be in her early to mid-thirties.  There was no wedding ring on her left hand, so she probably wasn’t attached. Then again, he wasn't wearing one either, and he was about as “taken” as it was possible to get.  

This wasn’t the sort of woman Jack normally would give the time of day.  She was too tarted-up, too obvious.  He knew the type well – probably out for whatever she could get from a man with assets; out for a good time with those who struck her fancy. 

Judging from the cool, assessing look she was giving him, apparently she thought he could easily fill both categories. 

He didn’t think he was giving off any vibes, really, but there was interest in her eyes. 

She was certainly waving everything she had right under his nose, doing her best to get him to look. 

He felt self-conscious that he _had_ noticed, and with a jolt of surprise in the pit of his stomach, he realized he was more than a bit titillated, too. 

He inclined his head and gave her the smile he felt sure she expected.  “Katie, was it?"  

“Kathy,” she corrected, obviously slightly disappointed that he didn’t remember her name from their previous encounters last year. 

Yanking his mind out of her cleavage and back to her original question, he told her, “Shepherd’s Purse is a weed, Kathy.”  He put the seed packets for phlox back into the bin.  “I need to find some, because I want it growing in my yard.” 

She raised her dark-penciled eyebrows at him with a grin.  “You want _weeds_ in your yard? What kind of gardener _are_ you, Jack?” 

“The home grown kind.”  As he stepped to one side, pushing his cart toward the seedlings and live plants, he felt a dart of guilty pleasure at the fact that she had remembered his name.   

He wanted to get away from her, a sensation just short of panic now twisting in his guts. 

Something was whispering from the dark depths of his mind, prodding at him, and he didn’t want to listen.

Part of him already knew what it wanted.  His dick had already taken notice and was stirring, his belly heating up as the pressure and fullness increased with the smell of her perfume, the sound of her voice, the sight of her and the knowledge that she was flirting her brains out. 

His hands gripped the handle on the cart until his knuckles turned white. 

Kathy followed along behind him. 

He stopped by some freesia sprouts and checked the sturdiness of the base stems and color of the leaves.  He set them back down and moved on. 

Part of him wanted to just turn and run back to his truck as fast as he could and get the hell out of there. 

Instead, he continued looking at plants and pretending to shop, all the while hyperaware of the woman trailing along closely behind him. 

Her presence clawed at his mind, even though he wasn't looking at her. 

“Do you know what makes a weed a weed?” he asked, hoping he sounded casual, wanting to ignore her, but unable to do so.   

“They’re ugly?” she answered, watching him sort through the verbenas. 

“Nope. They're just flowers growing out of place,” he announced, looking down his nose at the hothouse flowers. “That’s what my grandma taught me.  Even weeds can be beautiful, if you plant ‘em in just the right spot.”   

 _Do it,_ said a voice echoing in the shadows of his mind.  _You wanna know, don’t you?_

He dragged his gaze back to her face, his mouth gone dry as pornographic pictures flashed through his mind. 

 _Prove you're still a man._ 

She gave him what was obviously a smile of invitation and lowered her voice seductively.  “Are you a philosopher, Jack?”   

His voice was calm as he replied, “Nope.  Just a gardener, ma’am.” 

He was falling apart right in front of her, but she couldn’t see it. 

No one could, because he was always careful to keep his emotions well hidden.  

Slipping her arm in his, she moved closer into his personal space and fluttered her eyelashes at him.  “Well, then, I could use your opinion, Mister Gardener.” 

She towed him over to the planters, leaving his cart behind, talking to him non-stop about the plans she had for the front walk of her house.  

Jack allowed himself to be led along.  He saw all the clues -- the smiles, the tilt of her head, the tone of voice, the way she brushed her breasts against his arm.  She was coming on to him big time, really pouring on the charm.  Kathy was an attractive woman, and her every gesture screamed her sexual interest in him. 

She’d be so easy to get into bed. 

He turned away, pretending to look at some Mexican clay pots on shelves just to his right as he felt the pressure of his response low in his belly.  If he didn’t cool it right then, he was going to get a hard-on right there in the nursery.  His heartbeat stuttered and speeded up. 

 _Remember Daniel,_ he thought desperately _._ He wanted to say to her _, I’m taken.  Leave me alone._

He tried to say the words, but they wouldn’t come out of his mouth. 

 _God help me, I don’t want to do this! Daniel!_  

He pretended to look up at a pot on a high shelf. 

But in his mind he could see himself on his belly on the ground, held down by many hands, feel the penetration, hear that ugly word echoing in his head. 

 _Kosoo. Kosoo. Kosoo._  

His face flushed, and he reached out to grasp the edge of the shelf, just to have something to hold onto for a moment. 

He felt sick, desperate to leave, to be anywhere but with his thoughts. 

He took a deep breath and muttered, “I need to get outta here.” 

He looked down at her and, for an instant, pictured himself on top of her, balls-deep between her legs, squeezing her tits and pounding her till she screamed.   

Kathy smiled up at him, her amber eyes glittering, obviously reading the heat in his eyes accurately.  “Let’s go, baby,” she purred.  “My place isn’t very far.  You can look at my entry and tell me what you think of it, help me figure out exactly what needs to go in it.”   

He got the innuendo, all right, and knew he was lost. 

He hated himself, but was powerless against what she was so blatantly offering. 

“Yeah,” he agreed numbly.  “I can do that.  Let’s go.”   

The tiny little voice that called desperately to him to stop was abruptly silenced as he walked out behind her, leaving his loaded cart behind. 

He called out to Jerry that he’d be back to finish his shopping in a little while.  

He climbed into his truck and followed her for the five minutes it took to get to her townhouse. 

Then he walked her inside and shut off his mind, no longer caring what his conscience was screaming.   

He had to do this.  

 _Had_ to. He _needed_ it, just this once. 

And God willing, Daniel never had to know.   

 

* * *

 

**22 March**

**Almost Two Weeks Later**  

Jack pushed up and rolled away from Kathy to lie beside her in her bed. 

He stared sightlessly at the ceiling, the guilt and horror of their relationship eating away at him as it always did, but especially in the moments after his climaxes. 

The smell of sex on the sheets was so strong it made him nauseous, but stronger still was the scent of perfume and woman.  

He was clueless about what was happening to him.  In the first place, he didn’t understand why he couldn’t have been satisfied with Daniel.  And why had he even bothered coming back to this woman after that first time?  But he had.  Many times. 

He couldn’t seem to stay away, no matter how much he wanted never to see her again.   

Kathy snuggled up beside him, her head on his shoulder, her right hand drifting up and down the sweaty hair on his chest and belly. He could feel her smiling against his skin, her breath coming out in slowing gasps of satisfaction.

"That was great, baby," she crooned. "You _do_ know how to get a girl off." 

He said nothing, his body relaxed and boneless from his orgasm, while his mind desperately sought a way out of the trap he'd stupidly rushed into with wide-open eyes.  

He’d meant for Kathy to be a one-time thing, but she’d given him her phone number after that first encounter, and every time the demons from his past threatened to overwhelm him, he’d given in and called her. 

Fucking her, thrusting into her warm, willing body, gave him a kind of twisted reassurance, yet every time he walked through her door, he could feel the danger growing. 

He loved Daniel so much, it made him crazy sometimes.

 He _didn't_ love Kathy -- didn't even like her, really -- but she was a salve to his damaged manhood, a crutch for his broken ego, and he couldn't seem to let her go, either.  

Now that he'd been seeing her regularly over the last two weeks and sleeping with her as often as he could get away, she was beginning to make noises about being included in his life.  She wanted more than a good fuck and take-out dinners at her place. That was _all_ he’d wanted from her, and he’d hoped she’d be satisfied with what he’d given her so far.

Evidently, that had changed and she was starting to think about laying claim to him. 

He knew the kind of woman she was.  “Gold-digger” had been written all over her from the moment they'd met.  She was free with her body, but her body wasn't exactly free. She wanted the whole package, all the sex and material comfort he could provide, only he wasn't available.

Of course, she didn’t know that, and he couldn’t tell her.  

He'd even bought her a few nice gifts -- knowing that would shut her up -- which it had, for a while.  

He could feel the usual not-so-subtle prod coming again as she propped up on one elbow and looked down at him, her hair and makeup hideously mussed.

Most men would think she looked sexy in that just-fucked kind of way, but there was no afterglow for him to glamorize her, just the ugly truth of what he saw, mostly about himself. 

Averting his eyes, his stomach churning, Jack took that opportunity to move away from her.  He rolled over, pulling off the condom he’d used before he sat up.  

Then he headed for the bathroom for a shower, to scrub off the stink of her. 

"I've gotta get home and pack, Kathy," he told her over his shoulder. "My plane leaves early in the morning." 

She sat up in the rumpled sheets. "When you get back, maybe we can have a little get-together to celebrate. Invite some of your friends. I'd love to meet them."   

He didn't turn around when he spoke, just continued toward the bathroom. "Maybe we can talk about that after I get back from DC.”   

Closing the bathroom door, he turned and leaned his forehead against the cool wood, silently vowing that he’d break it off with her as soon as he returned from his trip.

He _had_ to, because the self-loathing and guilt about what he was doing to Daniel was killing him.  He was caught in a fucking nightmare of his own making and was desperate to wake up. 

Added to the horror of the memories from his past, he knew it was only a matter of time before something had to give, if he didn’t find some way to get his life back on track. 

After a thorough scrub in the shower, he dressed and returned to the bedroom, where Kathy lay sprawled in what Jack imagined she thought was a provocative pose.  He knew what she expected, but he was damned if he were going to give it to her.

Hell, he couldn't even smile and _pretend_ he wanted seconds.

All he wanted was to get out of there. 

Politely, he bent down to kiss her and murmur a good-bye. She rose, slipped into her robe and followed him to the front door, tugging on his arm for another farewell kiss just before he left.  After the most perfunctory of pecks on the cheek, he turned his back on her and walked away without a word.  

He felt bad about what he’d been doing to her, but he couldn’t help himself.  He’d needed what she could give him, but he was pretty sure she was using him, too -- not that any of that made it right. He was certain she didn't love him. He believed all she wanted was what she thought he could give her, and his heart certainly wasn't in the bargain. 

He didn't look back as he strode to his truck.  With an impatient twist of the ignition key, the engine roared to life.  He slammed it into gear, coming perilously close to burning rubber as he pulled out of her driveway.  He was desperate to get away from her, to get home to Daniel, even though he knew Daniel wouldn't be there yet. 

Heart slamming in his chest, he forced himself to drive at the speed limit, his hands trembling on the wheel.   

As he passed a barber shop, he made a quick decision, pulled a U turn and went in to get his hair cut, feeling a little better to have the military look back again. Back into the truck immediately afterward, he tried to relax a little, but the feel of her body against his wasn't going away.

The memory of her tied his stomach up in knots. 

Once at his house, he took another shower, washed his hair, and brushed his teeth to make sure he had every trace of her off him.

Jack threw the clothes he'd worn into the washing machine with lots of detergent and started the cycle to get them clean.   

Dressed again in fresh clothes, he ambled into the kitchen to start dinner.  Packing for his trip to Washington didn't take long and by the time he’d finished that, dinner was almost ready. He set the table and waited for Daniel to arrive back from the base, his mind going over and over the mess he’d made of their lives, searching for a way out and finding none. 

"I'm home, Jack," Daniel called from the front door. 

"In the kitchen," Jack answered, and left the dining room to start serving up their plates.  He was just setting them on the table when Daniel came into the room.  He didn't look up when Daniel came to kiss his cheek and pat him fondly on the butt.  

Daniel leaned over the kitchen sink to wash his hands.  "Hey,” he said over his shoulder.  “Dinner smells great!  How was your day?" 

He wiped his hands on a kitchen towel and then went back out to the dining room to pull out a chair and take a seat.  He leaned his cane against the table and waited for Jack to sit down across from him. 

He sat back in his chair and looked Jack over.  "I see you got a haircut. Haven’t seen the earring for a while, either. Wanna talk about all that?" 

Jack just shrugged that last comment away.  "Old habits," answered Jack wearily. 

He kept his head down as he took his place at the table, picked up his knife and fork and started cutting up his steak. 

"Not much new in my life, aside from the trip to the barber that was long overdue.  What’d you do today?" 

He barely heard Daniel rattling on about this translation and that artifact and the cultural significance of it all.  Listening just enough to know if he'd been asked a question, Jack picked at his food and threw in a one-liner wherever appropriate, hoping Daniel wouldn’t notice that his partner hadn’t looked him in the eye all evening. 

Apparently, luck was with him and Daniel alternated between talking and chewing until his dinner was gone. 

Much later, when Daniel was finished with his work for the night, he came to bed and settled down on his pillow with a sigh.  

Jack had been reading for a while, the book tented on his chest, the bedside lamp still burning.

Tonight he couldn’t get to sleep, and even the boring book hadn’t made him drowsy. There was so much on his mind Jack simply couldn’t shut it off. Now that Daniel was coming to bed, he closed the book and put it on the nightstand, turning out the light on his side of the bed.  

Daniel left his lamp on, wanting to talk a little before sleep.

“I wish you didn’t have to go tomorrow,” he murmured softly, turning beneath the covers to face his lover.  “The house always feels so empty when you’re gone.” 

He put his hand on Jack’s chest and played with the curly hair, rubbing little warm circles on his skin. 

“Does when you’re off makin’ nice with our allies, too,” Jack answered evenly. 

He couldn’t look at Daniel, just lay on his pillow, hands clasped behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. He felt as if he were drowning, dying inside, in so much pain he’d gone almost numb. 

Something inside him was shrieking, but outside he was quiet and still.  

“General Hammond would let _you_ go off-world on diplomatic missions, too, if you wanted,” Daniel reminded him. 

He scooted closer and laid his head on Jack’s chest, listening to his heart beating.  His hand smoothed over Jack’s abdomen and he sighed.

“What’s wrong, Jack?  And don’t say it’s nothing.  You’ve hardly looked at me for a week or more, and I can’t remember the last time I saw you smile or heard you laugh.  Something’s eating at you, and I’d like to know what it is.” 

“That would require talking,” Jack said simply.  “Which you know very well I don’t do.” 

“This is something we both have to learn, _vidámo_.  I know we both suck at it, but we have to find ways to open up to each other.” 

“We’ve been doing just fine,” argued Jack, really not wanting to get into that subject at the moment. Or ever, really. “It’ll pass, Daniel.  It’s just a mood.” 

He hoped it was, anyway. 

Jack felt uneasy about the whole subject.  He didn’t like lying and was disgusted with himself for cheating on Daniel in the first place. He had told Daniel _‘forever’_ in that hotel room on his birthday.

Daniel was operating under the belief that there was a solid commitment between them, that they were a couple and exclusive to each other, because that was what Jack had requested. 

That _was_ what he wanted.  He needed to know Daniel would be in his life always, but now it seemed Jack was doing everything he could to push the man he loved away.  He settled his arm around Daniel’s shoulders, swallowing hard, forcing down the wave of love and longing that threatened to overwhelm him. 

He wanted so badly to be the kind of man who could share his feelings and give his lover what he needed.  He just had no faith that he could be that kind of man, not anymore. 

He threaded his other hand through Daniel’s hair, stroking him tenderly. 

A warm breath flowed across his belly. 

Daniel turned his face and kissed his chest.  “I worry about you,” he murmured.  “You keep so much bottled up inside, and I want so much to help when I know you’re hurting.” He rose up on one elbow and lay half across Jack, looking down into his face, squinting a little to focus without his glasses in what little light there was.  “I love you so much, but sometimes I feel like that’s not enough.” 

Jack’s heart shattered at that tender declaration and the obvious devotion behind it. 

“It is,” Jack whispered, his voice rough with emotion. “It’s _everything_ , Daniel.  You’re all I need,” he told him, desperate to believe it himself. 

He came up to meet Daniel halfway, the kiss carrying him back down to the pillow.  Daniel plundered his mouth, his tongue merciless in its sweet probing, his lips a satin glide that left Jack writhing, moaning and restless.  

Daniel’s hands caught at Jack’s hair and ribs possessively.  Thick plates of flexed muscle pushed at Jack’s chest and shoulder where Daniel lay against him, and he reveled in the feel of that leashed power, that bulging hardness pressed against his body.  The smoothness of Daniel’s skin was a constant delight, rubbing against him, heating him up. 

He was helpless against that loving assault, breaking away to gasp a breath when Daniel’s hand touched his wakening cock.  

He groaned and turned his face away, eyes closed, concentrating on the feel of Daniel’s knowing hands touching and squeezing him.  Sharp teeth grasped his nipple and made him grunt with sudden, intense pleasure.  Jack undulated on the bed, unable to keep still as Daniel made his way down Jack’s body, sucking, licking and kissing, nibbling at the tender spots on his sides and lower belly, worshipping Jack with his mouth. 

“Jeez, Daniel,” he panted.  Heat rushed to his dick, throbbing with need as Daniel scooted downward, flinging the covers off them as he settled between Jack’s legs.  Wet heat engulfed him and Jack arched upward into it, thrusting eagerly into Daniel’s talented mouth.  He reached down, tangling his fingers in Daniel’s long hair, holding onto his head with both hands and willing himself to relax, to make it last a little longer. 

“Fuck, that’s good,” he whispered roughly.  “Oh, yeah.”  He lifted his head and opened his eyes, watching his cock disappearing into Daniel’s mouth and sliding back out, slick and glistening with his saliva.  Daniel’s head tipped up and his eyes opened, the blue all but gone in eyes dilated with passion and desire as Daniel looked into his lover's eyes. 

Jack groaned and spread his legs at Daniel’s guiding touch, collapsing back against the pillow, closing his eyes and trying to stay calm.  

Somehow, Daniel had smuggled the lube down there with him and slipped a slick finger slowly into Jack’s ass. He licked Jack’s balls, sucking first one, then the other into his mouth to the tune of Jack’s sighs of approval. Slowly, his finger probed deeper and began to twirl, making Jack writhe and gasp as he tried desperately to stay in control and make it last. 

Another finger breached him, stretching him wider, probing deeper, stroking close to his prostate and sending shivers of ecstasy all through him. Jack lifted his legs, spreading them wider to give Daniel more room. A third finger slipped inside and need shot through him, making him buck and push against Daniel, gasping and groaning, driving him toward completion.  

Jack lifted his head again, needing to see, to watch Daniel as he swallowed his cock. 

Love burned in the blue-black depths of his eyes. 

Savagely, anguish tore through Jack as he came, Daniel’s fingers thrusting fiercely into him, his cock enclosed in the wet glide of Daniel’s mouth and throat. Jack cried out, reaching for him, but his body refused to obey him and left him powerless, panting on the pillow while Daniel greedily drank the last of his come.  

He closed his eyes and waited, trying to catch his breath, to think, to push his way past the demons scrabbling at the edges of his consciousness, threatening to take away the joy of that precious moment. 

Daniel crawled up beside him and stretched out, his hands gently pushing at Jack, guiding him to turn over onto his side so Daniel could spoon up behind him. 

“Get on top of me, Daniel,” Jack breathed. “Fuck me face to face this time.” 

Doubt skittered across his lover’s expression, but he obeyed, settling on top of Jack and pushing back to try to balance himself on hands and knees.

He grimaced and flopped over onto his side with a grunt.

“I can’t do it that way, Jack.  I just can’t bear my weight on my bad knee.” 

Jack watched Daniel settle on his side on his pillow, facing him.

There was _no way_ Jack could let Daniel fuck him from behind tonight. He just couldn’t. He needed to see his face, to be able to look into his eyes and _know_ who was inside him.

If he couldn't see Daniel's face while they made love, Jack knew he would shatter.

He couldn't take that risk. 

“Then lie on your back, Danny,” Jack whispered. “I’ll ride you that way.” 

Daniel looked doubtful again. “What about your knees?” 

“I’ll let you know. Lube up, baby.” 

A quick, sweet little grin lit up Daniel’s face. He tossed the lube onto the nightstand when he was finished with it, his fingers busy applying the clear gel to his erection. When he finished, he held it upright at the base and gave Jack an even wider smile.

“Mount up, cowboy.”   

Jack straddled him, rolling his hips under as he lowered himself toward Daniel’s cock. He reached back and grabbed it, guiding it into place, and closed his eyes with a gasp of pleasure as he relaxed to let it slip inside him. Slowly, carefully, he let himself down until he was sitting on Daniel’s pelvis, his dick firmly embedded in Jack's ass.  

He was full.  It felt magnificent. He sat there, his hands resting on Daniel’s smooth chest, feeling his lover’s heartbeat pounding beneath his palms. He tried to search out whether his knees were protesting, but couldn’t feel anything other than his ass and Daniel’s heart beating inside him and under his hands.  

“I love being inside you,” Daniel whispered, reaching up to trail his fingertips through Jack’s chest hair.  

Jack’s throat closed up. Tears prickled at the back of his eyes. He wanted so much to tell Daniel how he felt, how much he meant, but no words ever conceived could adequately cover that concept.

He stared down into Daniel’s eyes and leaned forward onto his hands, arching his back and pulling Daniel’s cock almost all the way out of him, then pushed back against him and rolled his hips under to thrust him in deep again.

He rocked slowly, back and forth, in and out, mesmerized by the glorious slide of flesh against slick flesh, of heat and hardness filling him up.  

He watched in utter fascination as Daniel’s eyes rolled closed, lost in the grip of pleasure.

 Daniel groaned and sighed, moaned and whimpered as he rocked with his lover, thrusting and withdrawing in the same rhythm, lifting Jack up off the bed and sinking into it with him.

Jack had never seen anything so beautiful, so erotic, and he leaned down for a brief kiss, nibbling at Daniel’s lower lip before straightening up again. 

“Jack.” Daniel was close now, his hands twisting in the sheets, gripping and relaxing, looking for a way to hold on a little longer. Jack’s name was a breathless chant on his lips as he pushed up to his elbows, half sitting up, trying to get closer. Daniel's eyes opened and his teeth clamped down over his lower lip, dimples flaring in his cheeks as he strained to resist the tide of ecstasy, his eyes pleading for the mercy of making the moment last. 

To Jack, Daniel was sex personified, and Jack wanted nothing more than to drive him screaming over the edge. He rode harder, faster, rotating his hips and squeezing his ass muscles, milking at Daniel’s cock until he roared and curled upward, clutching at Jack’s hips as the spasms of pleasure tore through him.  

Jack watched him, stunned by the look of total abandon on Daniel’s slack face as his head lolled back on his shoulders with the ebbing tide of pleasure.

His eyes rolled slowly half open, glittering and dark, black pools of passion… and all for him. 

Reverently, Jack clasped Daniel’s face in both hands and leaned down for a kiss, not caring how uncomfortable the position was with his balls smashed between their bodies and his knees letting him know they’d reached their limit.

  _This_ was how he wanted Daniel to make love to him, he decided.

He needed to see Daniel’s face, to look into his eyes and drown in the boundless adoration he saw there. 

As soon as he let go, Daniel fell back against the pillows with a groan, arms splayed out at his sides and a big happy grin on his face, his eyes closed. “Wow. That was just… wow.” 

“Yeah.” Jack didn’t want to move. “I’m not too heavy?” 

“Move and I’ll break something,” Daniel teased, cracking one eye open. “God, Jack. You’ve got one _talented_ ass!”

He moved one hand wearily to Jack’s thigh and stroked it fondly.

“Maybe I should take off work and come with you. What d’ya say?” 

“If Hammond will let you out of a week’s work, sure,” Jack agreed, not daring to hope he might actually go through with a little spontaneity. “Of course, I might not leave my hotel room, if you’re in my bed.” 

Daniel chuckled. “Yeah, but I still owe you some quality time. It won’t be long now.”

His grin faded and he reached out to take Jack’s hands in his, lacing their fingers together. “I miss you, Jack. Sometimes I wish we could both just retire and do nothing but each other all day.”  

The sweetness of that idea was like a warm hug, enveloping Jack’s heart.

“Nah,” he returned wistfully. “You’d get bored real fast. You’ve gotta keep your mind busy. I’d be happy just diggin’ in the dirt, as long as I had you with me at the end of the day.”

He pulled one hand away to reach out and trace his fingertips over Daniel’s cheek. “But the world _needs_ you, Danny. The human race is depending on you.  I’m just the comic relief, here.” 

“We’re a package deal, Jack,” Daniel whispered, “and I can’t do any of it without you.  You do _know_ that, don’t you?” 

Jack swallowed, loving the sentiment but certain that it was absolute fantasy.

Daniel might really believe that, but Jack knew better. The world would travel along without a pause if Jack O’Neill suddenly vanished from it, but without Daniel Jackson…

Well, he’d already been in that universe and seen where it was going.

That wasn't a place he ever wanted to be again. 

He’d simply been lucky enough to get Daniel back. That was a gift of cosmic proportions, and he’d done his best to make things right. Only being who he was, he had managed to screw it up anyway. 

"I'll let you keep thinking that, Danny," Jack responded after a long pause.

With a sigh of resignation, he dismounted and stretched out beside the man he loved, cuddled him into his arms and listened to the whisper of Daniel's breathing as he fell asleep.  

Jack fought off the demons for as long as he could, but as soon as he drifted away, they began to creep out of the shadows and stalk his dreams, tormenting him with memories he could no longer bear.

He awoke with a scream choked back at the last moment, sweating and panting, and rose from the bed to stand by the window and look outside, hoping he could make it through another moment, and then another, and then one more. 

That was how he was going to have to survive now, from one breath to the next.  

He dressed in sweats and a T-shirt, threw on some shoes, and padded out of the bedroom, through the house and outside, into the moonlit backyard. 

It was still cold out, but he didn’t care.  New shoots were starting to come up from some of the crocus bulbs and in another month they’d be flowering, the first of many new blooms to come. 

The garden gave him hope that somehow, everything would happen in its own time, that the bleak winter in his soul would pass and the torment would slip into the dark recesses of his memory.  

He bent down to heap the mulch over the tops of the bulbs and covered them up a little more, tucking them in for the remaining cold. 

He stood out in the chilly darkness for a while, his arms wrapped around his chest to preserve what body heat he could. 

He threw his head back, gazing at the same stars among which he and Daniel had once traveled.  They made him feel small, insignificant, but he knew he wasn’t.  He knew he _was_ significant, important, in Daniel’s eyes. 

If he could just hold on a little longer, he thought, everything would be all right. 

After several minutes, he ambled back inside the house.  Checking the clock, he decided to give up on trying to get more sleep.  He started the coffee, getting a jump on the day that would see him catching a plane for a destination across the country, leaving his lover behind just when Jack needed him most.

 

* * *

 

 

**30 March**

**Eight Days Later**  

Fitting the key into the front door lock was no easy task, considering Daniel had a twenty-pound bag of potting soil under his left arm, two suits on hangers dangling from his mouth, and a cane in his right hand along with the keys.  It took a little more fumbling and dropping the cane before he could wrestle the door open. 

He quickly stepped around the corner to disarm the security system, dropping his cane again in the process.  Trying not to fall over, Daniel balanced on his good leg, leaning one hand against the wall, gathering himself and trying to decide how to move on from there. 

“Hello,” called a cheery voice from the doorstep.  “Are you a friend of Jack’s?” 

Startled, Daniel dropped his keys on the floor and quickly pulled the hangers from his mouth. 

“Um, yes.  I’m Daniel.  Daniel Jackson.” 

He hopped sideways so he could see the woman better, then leaned against the doorframe for balance and support. 

“Jack’s not home.  Can I help you with something?” 

The woman flashed him a bright smile from the doorstep.  She was nice enough looking, dressed as she was in tight jeans and a tank top that left little to the imagination, the dark natural color showing at the roots of her bleached hair. 

His first impression was ‘cheap blonde,’ but he tried to shake that off and avoid labeling her.   

She extended her hand toward him. 

“Well, hi.  I’m Kathy Pierce.  It’s nice to meet you, Daniel.  Can I help you with some of that?” 

She reached inside just enough to pick up his cane and his keys and hold them out to him. 

Setting the potting soil down just inside the door, Daniel draped the suits over his arm.  He took his keys and stuffed them into his pocket, and then accepted the cane from her with a grateful smile. 

“Thanks.” 

He was always wary about letting strangers into the house, especially when Jack was gone, so he decided to keep her out on the porch, at least until he knew what she wanted. 

“You're welcome,” she assured him, her eyes sweeping over him, clearly assessing.  “Have you and Jack been friends for a while?” 

She gave a nervous chuckle.  “I mean, you’ve got a key to his place, so you must be close.” 

Daniel started to feel a little uncomfortable, since she obviously was digging for information.  He didn’t know who this woman was, but he probably ought to cool her interest in his lover quickly. 

“Yeah, we are,” he admitted frankly, thinking he should make plain right away exactly what their relationship was.  “Very close.  We're—“ 

“So, Jack’s not married, is he?”  The woman’s face grew suddenly serious and she leaned closer, not waiting to hear a detailed description of their living arrangement.  “I wondered, you know, because he hasn’t introduced me to any of his friends or brought me to his house.  I…”   

Daniel froze.  He couldn’t speak, couldn’t think.  This woman couldn’t _possibly_ mean what he thought she was implying.  _Could_ she? 

“…I was starting to wonder if, maybe, he had a family. A wife.”   

His throat and mouth felt as if they were caked with dust.  He pulled himself up to his full height and glared at her, willing himself to be calm, to hold on until he knew exactly what the hell was going on with this woman.

“Uh… No, Jack’s not married.  He’s just a very private man. He’ll…” Daniel swallowed reflexively, tears coming to his eyes.  He blinked them away.  

Daniel's heart seized up in his chest, aching at the very real possibility that Jack might have been seeing her on the side.  Daniel had believed he and Jack were exclusive. They had talked about it, and Jack had promised his heart forever.

He loved Daniel -- he was dead sure about that.  No one could fake the look in Jack’s eyes when they were intimate. 

So why was this woman coming around, asking if Jack were married? 

He _had_ to find out, had to tuck his emotions away and see what he could get out of her, without letting her know who she was questioning.  

Keeping his face impassive, he switched mental gears, allowing the cool, calm, professorial diplomat in him to take over. 

“I’m sure he’ll introduce you around when he’s ready,” Daniel assured her politely. 

He bowed his head, leaning heavily on the cane, struggling to maintain control.  He felt as if a rug had been pulled out from beneath him, his whole world suddenly tilting.  His balance was shaky and he put too much weight on his bad knee, pain shooting up into his hip and down to his toes. 

He sucked in a breath and wobbled, nearly falling over. 

“Oh!  Are you okay?” she asked, reaching out to steady him. 

He backpedaled out of her reach, raising his free hand to ward off her help.  “I’m fine,” he snapped.  “Please!  Don’t touch me.”  

Daniel forced himself to straighten, taking a deep breath to start the interrogation.  He pushed his lips into a grimace that he hoped passed for a friendly look. 

“So, how long have you and Jack been seeing each other?” 

She smiled coquettishly.  “Three weeks.  We met at the nursery, of all places, sometime last year.  We talked off and on, but the first time we saw each other this season, he was all _over_ me.” 

Kathy giggled happily, her eyes dancing. 

That pinpointed a time for Daniel to look back over Jack’s behavior for clues, right about when he'd stopped wearing his earring, and then later, cut his hair. He’d gone quiet and lost his sense of humor about the same time.

Daniel had known something was wrong between them. 

He just didn’t think it would be… _this._  

“It’ll take a little longer for Jack to start showing you off.  Just be patient.”

He couldn’t believe he was saying that to this woman.  His insides were shredding, and he was _encouraging_ her!  It was a necessary tactic, to get at the information she had to offer. 

He’d played the diplomat often enough over the last eight years that he was an expert at it. 

“I guess you two have been going to your place, then, huh?  Your favorite haunts.” 

He knew she was far from the sort of woman Jack usually ogled.  His initial assessment of ‘cheap blonde’ intensified and the more he talked to her, the more he was certain that she was coarse and easy. 

He couldn’t imagine what Jack had seen in her. 

“Yeah.  I made him dinner the night before he left for DC on that business trip.  It was kinda early,” she grinned, sexy memories glimmering in her eyes, “but that was okay.  We said a nice, long, _hard_ goodbye, and I think he’ll be calling me as soon as he gets off the plane when he comes home.” 

She winked at him triumphantly.  “Don’t let that gray hair fool you.  He can put most younger guys to shame in the sack.”   

She laughed brightly, obviously thinking she’d said something clever, but Daniel was sickened by her crudeness. 

Her total lack of class was startling.  Daniel was stunned, aghast at how completely he’d been fooled.  Jack had fucked this woman the day he left, then come home and wanted Daniel to fuck him immediately afterward. 

 Daniel had happily driven the bastard to the airport, none the wiser. 

Jack had been screwing them _both_.   

Daniel wanted to tell her the truth; that _he_ was Jack's lover.  He wanted to see the look on her face when she knew what an asshole Jack truly was underneath all the sexy charm. 

That, however, would have been an act of vengeance. 

Daniel loved Jack so much, he didn’t want revenge for what Jack had done to him.  

All he wanted, he suddenly knew, was _out._  

He straightened up, studying her through half-closed eyes, down the length of his nose, his insides turned to ice, cold rage gripping his heart. 

“Yes, I’m sure he’ll call you soon,” Daniel said softly. 

He was so angry he wanted to slap her, kick her ass off the porch, and slam the door after her, but he maintained tight control of his temper. 

It was _Jack_ he was truly furious with, not this easy, foolish tramp of a woman. 

His body was rigid with disgust, heart filled with contempt. 

“It’s been nice meeting you, Kathy,” he lied smoothly.  “But I’ve got a couple more errands to run for Jack.  Thanks for stopping by.” 

He was already closing the door.  

“Yeah, it was nice meeting you, too, Dave.”  She turned away from the porch with a little wave and strolled back across the front lawn toward her car.   

Daniel didn’t bother correcting his name. 

His heart was ripping in half, but somehow he had managed to keep from showing that woman just what a wreck he was inside. 

The door shut with a quiet, final click, and he just leaned his forehead against it, his heart pounding so hard his whole body was trembling.   

Finally, he loosed the storm of emotion raging inside him from their encounter. 

 Tears streamed down his face while anguished gasps and hoarse sobs wrenched from his throat. His body shook with torment, shuddering against the door, his left hand pressed against it for support. His stomach threatened to revolt, his guts doing flip-flops.   

Jack _couldn’t_ do this to him.  He _wouldn’t,_ not in a million years!  It just wasn’t fucking _possible._  

But the evidence had just walked away from him, her laughter still ringing in his ears.   

Daniel didn’t know how long he stood there, propped against the door. 

Once the tempest had passed and he could think straight again, a deadly calm filled him.  He wiped his face on his sleeve, took the dry cleaning into the bedroom, and hung it in the closet.  Then he went into the living room and started to pace, examining the last several weeks at Jack's behavior, questioning everything. 

He’d started to withdraw from Daniel long before he'd made that fateful trip to the nursery.  Maybe the freshness and novelty of their nine-month relationship had worn off, and Jack had been looking for a way out. 

 _Something_ had been bothering him; Daniel hadn’t been blind to that fact. 

Maybe Jack had been reconsidering his orientation, and had decided he was straight after all. 

Maybe Daniel simply hadn't been enough for him sexually.  He knew Jack wanted to top him, but he hadn't been able to comply with that wish, and Daniel thought Jack had made his peace with that. 

Their relationship wasn't 50/50; it couldn’t be, and maybe that had bothered Jack more than he'd shown.  

Daniel knew that Jack had a hard time talking about his feelings and needs.  Maybe Daniel had been partly responsible for driving Jack away.  That softened his resolve for a moment, but the more he thought about it, the more he decided it didn't matter. 

Jack had betrayed him in the worst possible way, and Daniel didn't want to stick around for more humiliation and heartbreak. 

Whatever the reason behind Jack's betrayal, Daniel still had to confirm what that bitch had said.  There was only one thing left to do, and that was to give Jack a chance to confirm or deny his relationship with that woman.  Daniel owed him that much, at least.   

He picked up the phone in the living room and dialed Jack's cell phone number, checking his watch to see if Jack might be at the Pentagon or in his hotel room.  It was two time zones later on the East Coast, and a safe bet he'd be in his room for the night. 

Jack answered on the second ring.  "Hey, Daniel," he said warmly into the line.  "You're home early." 

Daniel paced the living room floor, trying to figure out how to get this unpleasantness started. 

Keeping his tone casual, he said, "Yeah, I had errands to run.  Dry cleaning and all that."  

He paused and stopped walking, his heart beating in his throat.  "Um, Jack?  I just wanted to.  Ah.  Let you know that.  Um.  Kathy Pierce stopped by to see you."   

He held his breath, waiting, hoping Jack would say something, anything that would refute what that fucking woman had told him. 

For a long time, there was only silence on the other end of the line. 

That was an answer in itself.  Cold rage turned hot, like fire in Daniel’s veins.  He started to tremble.  He was pacing again, pounding the floor with the tip of his cane with every step. 

Jack's voice, when he did speak, was deep, heavy with grief and regret.  "I'm sorry, Daniel.  I never meant to hurt you." 

"Yeah, I'll bet," he shot back sarcastically, allowing some venom to seep out into his tone.  He wanted to shout and hit something, but there would be no point in having a tantrum, now that he knew the truth.  "But you know what?  You _did_ hurt me, Jack.  You _have_ hurt me, more deeply than you can imagine.  You _betrayed_ me. You betrayed _us.”_  

He paused to try to force himself to breathe. 

All that remained was ending this sham of a relationship, and getting the hell away from there. 

“I'll be out of the house before you get home,” he continued in a no-nonsense voice.  “A car from the base will pick you up at the airport." 

He held the phone to his ear, not sure what else he was expecting to hear.  There was nothing, not even the sound of Jack's breathing.  

"See you around, Jack," he growled into the phone.  "It's been a real education."    

He hung up and lobbed the phone into the couch cushions, exasperated and incredulous beyond measure.  He started pacing the floor again, certain that whatever they'd had together was over.  He had no idea how that would affect them at work.  Maybe Jack would resign, but Daniel sure wasn't going to leave the SGC.  They barely saw each other at the base anymore, except for arranged lunch dates and occasional meetings that involved both of their departments, so maybe it would be workable if both of them stayed. 

He didn't want to think about any of that at the moment, choosing to deal with any future contact as it happened. 

As he headed down the hall, the phone started to ring. 

He didn’t have to check the Caller ID to know who it was, and he didn’t want to talk to him.  He had no intention of answering it. 

After six rings, the voice mail kicked in and the phone went silent.   

He stood in the bedroom doorway for a moment, staring at their bed, remembering their last night together and the lovemaking they’d shared. 

 He was sick at heart, nauseous, his heart torn out by the roots.  A fresh wave of grief hit him hard, and he staggered, barely making it to the bed before his knees gave out.  He sat down with a thump, pulling off his glasses and dropping them on the bedside table, weeping into his hands, his back to the bed they’d so joyfully shared, mourning for what they’d had and now, lost forever. 

His heart felt like a cold, painful lump of devastation in his chest, a dead thing lodged in there, and he had no idea how to go on. 

He knew he had to get up, make plans, get himself and his things out of Jack’s space, but the weight of his grief bore him down. 

He hung his head, wiping at his face in a futile effort to stop the torrent of tears, and spoke to Jack, picturing his beloved face in his mind’s eye.  

 “Why, Jack?” he moaned.  “Why?” 

It was all he wanted to know, but there was no answer to that question in the empty house, and there would never be. 

“I love you,” he whispered in agony.  “I _love_ you.  Why did you do this to us?  To me?  I only wanted to love you.” 

He spent many minutes lost in his misery, unable to tear himself away from the fresh, raw pain of his lost dreams. 

The phone rang on the nightstand again, but he didn’t bother answering it.  

With a long, shaky breath, he lifted his head and shut off his tears, listening as the ringing stopped.  Moments later the phone rang yet again, and after the third time it went to voice mail, he got up and took it off the hook so he wouldn’t have to listen to it anymore.   

Hobbling over to the closet, he started taking his clothes out and laying them on the bed.  He emptied his drawers and took his personal items from the bathroom, tossing everything down with his garments.     

At that point, his cell phone started to chirp.  He tore it out of his pocket and flipped it open impatiently.  He had to check the Caller ID this time, since it could have been work calling.  But the readout said _JACK_. 

“Fuck off, will you?”  he muttered. 

With a vicious stab of his index finger, he shut if off, closed it and tossed it on the bed next to his other belongings.   

He got his luggage out from a storage closet and stuffed what he could of his clothes into his suitcases, the rest going into garbage bags.  

Room by room he cleaned out, carrying all his things into the spare room.  There was no way he could completely move out by himself, and would need to get boxes to pack up his books and other personal items, and someone to help him carry everything.  Pulling out of Jack’s life would take time, but if everything were out of Jack’s space, put away into the spare room with the door closed, it would be easier to gather it all up later.  

When he thought he had most everything in there, it was getting late.  He made sure to go back into the bedroom to hang up the phone and then started taking what he could of his clothes and other personal items, his journals and computer, loading everything into the back of Jack’s big truck.   

He took all of it back to the base with him.  With the help of a couple of young, able-bodied airmen, he moved his things back into his lockdown quarters until other rooms could be assigned to him, as they had been when he’d returned from Vis Uban.  

He’d make arrangements to have someone from the base retrieve the rest of his belongings from Jack’s place. 

He intended to never set foot in that house again. 

Once he had everything squared away in his temporary quarters, he went topside again and drove the truck back to Jack’s house.  He left it in the garage and used his cell phone to call a taxi to return him to the base.  

Back at the SGC, he took his set of keys to the truck and house, went by Jack’s office, and left them on his desk. 

Almost as an afterthought, he scribbled a short note to leave with the keys. 

He phoned the motor pool and made arrangements for a driver to pick Jack up at the airport when his flight from Washington arrived the next afternoon.   

With all the necessary things done, it was quite late.  With both his head and his bad knee throbbing, Daniel headed for his office and sat down to do something, _anything_ that might possibly take his mind off Jack.   

Thinking about Colonel Jack O’Neill, USAF, Retired, was the last thing he wanted to do for a very long time.

 

* * *

 

 

**31 March**

**The Next Day**  

When Jack stepped inside his front door, he could immediately see that Daniel had completely removed his presence from their home.  All his personal mementoes and artifacts, his photographs, every trace of the man seemed to be gone. Jack saw the mantel over the fireplace now bore nothing but his medals and Jack’s family photos.

There were holes now where Daniel’s things had been and no longer were.  

Jack's insides were cold and taut as he slowly walked down the hall, suitcase in hand, to their bedroom. Opening the closet door, he saw that Daniel’s half of it was empty. He sat down on the bed, holding his head in his hands, reeling with the evidence of the damage he’d done.   

Nothing mattered, not anymore.  Jack pulled his cell phone from his pocket and flipped it open.  There were messages, all from the same very familiar number, that he had ignored during his trip to the Pentagon. 

He deleted them without listening to them before dialing the same number, which he had memorized. 

He’d been dreading coming home to an empty house, but this task was a welcome one.  It would be a relief for him to finally get it over and done.  There was no longer any need for his relationship with Kathy, now that Daniel was gone. 

He could finally make the call that he should have made weeks ago. 

After two short rings, she answered with an upbeat hello.  

“Hello, Kathy,” he said in a flat voice.  “Daniel told me you came by the house yesterday.”   

She sounded pleased to hear from him, and her words stabbed him in the heart. 

As he listened to her cheery voice, tears filling his eyes. 

“Yeah, he’s a nice guy.  My best friend.”  The words stuck in his throat.   

He let loose a shaky sigh and swallowed so his voice would sound intelligible.  He cleared his throat.  “But he was more than that, too.  You see, he was my lover, and now that he’s met you and found out what we did, he’s left me.” 

He paused for a second, dimly aware of the gasp of surprise audible even over the phone, followed by a stony silence on the other end.

“I should never have done what I did with you, Kathy.  It was a shitty thing to do to both of you.  I’m sorry.  Now it's over between us.  Goodbye.” 

He clicked the phone shut without listening to her reply.  It rang again almost immediately, no doubt her calling back to argue, to rail, to cry. He didn’t want to hear it, not from her. 

Quietly, his heart sinking down into his shoes, he turned off the phone and went to lay it on his dresser.  

Then he sat down again on the edge of the bed he’d shared with Daniel, and bent his head.

No tears came, no prayers rose. 

His heart was silent and cold.  

Eventually he got up and walked through the house, discovering the accumulation of Daniel’s things gathered in the guest room.  It was almost a relief to find them there, but then he realized why Daniel hadn’t taken them with him.  He couldn’t, because of his bad knee.  He would need someone to box everything up and carry them out for him, and he wouldn’t want the help to come from Jack. 

He'd probably have Sam and Teal'c pick up the rest of his things for him, which would tell them without saying a word that their relationship was over.    
Jack stood staring at the neat stacks of books, the artifacts placed lovingly in secure places where they wouldn’t fall and break. Jack wanted to touch them, to feel some connection with Daniel through the things he treasured, but he couldn’t. 

That would be a violation. 

He had no right to any of that anymore, and that thought constricted his throat.  

This was his own fault. He had no one to blame but himself.  With a sigh, he turned away and closed the door to the guest room, leaving everything as he had found it.  

Sometime later, he checked the garage for the truck. 

He drove to the base and headed straight for his office, where he found Daniel’s set of keys and a note. 

He sat down at his desk to read it, not sure his knees would keep him upright long enough to get through it. 

When he unfolded the sheet of Air Force notepaper that Daniel had torn off the pad on Jack’s desk, he was surprised at how few words were written there. 

 

_The SGC needs our expertise.  We should not allow personal matters to obscure what good we can do for the human race.  I’m willing to do my part.  If you can’t do yours, that’s your choice, but I’m staying._

_\--D_

 

Jack folded the note and put it into his coat pocket, the words burned forever into his memory. 

He wondered if that said pretty much everything that needed to be said between them.  Still, he needed to try.  Mustering every ounce of courage he had left, he took the note and headed for Daniel’s office.  

The door stood open, and Daniel sat hunched over his desk, the overheads off, desk lamp on, and a big bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol open on the blotter among the books. 

 Behind his glasses, Daniel’s eyes were red-rimmed. 

 Jack could tell by the slump of his posture that he was bone-weary. 

Obviously, he’d had a hard night. 

Stepping quietly into the room, Jack stopped by the desk and laid the note down to announce his presence.  

Daniel didn’t look up, just kept scribbling on the pad. 

“We have to talk, Daniel,” Jack said quietly.  “I need to explain—“ 

“No.  No, you don’t.  I don’t wanna hear it.  I don’t wanna know.” 

“I have to _tell_ you.  I need you to understand—“ 

 _“No,_ Jack,” Daniel bit out, teeth clenched in leashed anger, blue eyes flashing up to meet Jack's, his expression filled with potent rage.  “We go back to square one.  We work together.  We do our jobs.  From here on out, that’s all there is for us.  Period.” 

He snapped his eyes back down to his desk top, refusing to look at Jack for one more second.  “Now, leave.” 

Jack stood there for a moment longer.  He lifted his chin slightly, something in his heart deflating, going dark, like a light bulb suddenly switched off.  “All right, Daniel.  We’ll talk when you’re ready.  Meanwhile, I’ll be waiting.” 

“Waiting?  I’ll _never_ be ready, Jack.  It’s over.”  Daniel spoke to his notepad on the desk in front of him, his posture stiff and unforgiving, brooking no argument.  “So get the fuck out of my office until you have some official reason for being here.”   

Daniel reached for the analgesic with trembling hands and shook two tablets out onto the desk.  He tossed the pills into his mouth, tipped his head back, and swallowed them dry, his eyes daring Jack to say anything more. 

Jack watched him for a moment longer, picked up the note Daniel had left for him, then pivoted on his heel with perfect military grace and headed for the door.  He paused, glancing back over his shoulder at Daniel, who was pretending to be working again.  

He knew it was too little, too late, but he needed to say it anyway.  He closed the office door, guaranteeing their privacy, and leaned his back against it, hand still on the doorknob.  His voice sounded small and pitiful in his own ears.

He looked at the floor, some place about a foot in front of the toes of his boots.  “I’m a stupid goddamned fuck-up, Daniel.  Everything I care about always turns to shit, because I have to find some way to screw it up.  I know you don’t want to hear it, but my feelings for you have never changed, and they never will.  I know you won’t believe me now, but I… _care_ about you, more than you’ll ever know, and I’m sorry I hurt you.  I guess the best way I can show you that is to give you what you want and let you go… so goodbye.”  

He turned quickly to yank open the door and stepped out into the corridor, tucking the note back into his jacket pocket. 

He leaned his forehead against the cold, gray concrete wall where Daniel couldn’t see him and closed his eyes, which were burning with unshed tears.  

The words he’d so wanted to say hadn’t come, but now, where Daniel couldn’t hear them, they tumbled out in a harsh, ragged whisper. 

“I love you, Danny.  I always will." 

After a moment, he gathered himself and straightened up, making his way back out into the world, and home to his empty house.

 

* * *

 

 

With a sigh of relief, Daniel’s shoulders and head sagged, frustration and despair a physical presence in his throat.  Anger still burned in his soul, a low flame that kept him simmering, but he knew that eventually that fire would burn out and leave nothing but cold ashes in its wake.  In his wounded heart, he felt that cold ashes were better than hot rage.  He’d lived through massive loss before in his life, and he could live through this trauma, too.  He had to concentrate on finding a way to shut Jack out of his heart, to protect himself from the inevitable further apologies and begging that was sure to come. 

For his own sanity, he had to find a way to keep things on an even keel, strictly professional.  They had jobs to do, and they were among the best the SGC had on its staff. 

Failing that, if tensions remained too high, he’d already decided he would quit and try to find a teaching position somewhere. 

All Daniel really knew for sure was that, as far as he was concerned, Jack O’Neill could go to hell. 

He worked for a couple of more hours, until he was so weary he couldn’t seem to make sense of anything he was reading.  He shut up his office and headed for his base quarters. 

He half expected Jack to be there, waiting for him, wanting to talk again, but the room was dark and empty, and a sense of disappointment settled over him.  

He closed the door behind himself and spent many long minutes pacing, waiting with dread and, if he were honest with himself, a faint glimmer of hope for Jack to appear. 

Part of him wanted Jack to be there, begging him to come back. 

If he did, if Jack were persistent about forgiveness, Daniel wasn’t at all sure he could continue to push him away, although he wanted that.   

Daniel figured that Jack was just giving him time to cool off, which was smart.  That must be why he hadn’t appeared to dog Daniel into conversation.  He’d probably wait until Daniel wasn’t expecting it and then pounce. 

Daniel, however, had already decided that he’d be ready with one very cold shoulder, since he’d resolved that Jack shouldn’t be forgiven. 

The time for talking was long gone. 

Jack had hurt Daniel too much, and he couldn’t afford to lay his heart open to that kind of torment again. 

It _had_ to be over between them, for Daniel’s own sake. 

All he had to do was maintain his determination and not give Jack a second chance.. 

Jack didn’t show, and as the hour grew late, the lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion of the last few days eventually made Daniel limp with fatigue.  He started to undress for bed. 

Sliding into his lonely bed, cocooned in cool, unrumpled sheets, Daniel closed his eyes and eventually slept. 

 

* * *

 

 

**19 April**

**Three Weeks Later**  

Jack surveyed his green and neatly trimmed yard.  Flowers were just beginning to bloom in bold splashes of color.  Their vividness hurt his eyes.  They also hurt his soul, since they were constant reminders of what he’d stupidly ground into the dirt. 

Daniel hadn't just drifted away; he'd been stabbed in the heart. 

Jack could no longer tolerate the sight of the garden he’d so carefully designed as a tribute to his love.  It was beginning to awaken and flourish, and the sight of it constantly taunted him. 

He started with the potted plants, loading them all up into the back of his truck.  He drove to a nursing home not far from his house and donated them to the facility, personally carrying each one to wherever the staff wanted them.  

Upon returning home, he took the hedge clippers and a hand saw to all the bushes, cutting them down near their bases.  After hauling the limbs out to his truck, he returned to the garden beds with a shovel and proceeded to methodically dig up what stumps he could until darkness and the pain in his back and knees forced him to stop for the night.  

A hot shower helped a little, but by the time he made it to bed, his back was starting to cramp.  Jack lay in the darkened room, moving just enough to keep the pain constant.  It was near dawn before his muscles finally relaxed enough to let him sleep, and he was groggy when the alarm went off.  

Rising automatically, his body was stiff and sore from all the hard labor. 

Another hot shower loosened him up and, after throwing a tarp over the dead plants in the truck bed, he drove in to the base to work.  

He stayed at his desk as he often did, every moment spent resisting the powerful urge to get up and go to Daniel, who was like a siren to Jack, constantly calling to him.  It was heartbreaking to be so near, just doors away down the corridor, and yet light-years apart.  Even after the death of their relationship, Jack felt the emotional bond between them, tugging at him, connecting them in some twisted form of cosmic punishment for his transgression.  

As more time passed, they walked by each other in the halls of the SGC without a word, making no gesture of recognition.  In rare meetings when both were present, they did their jobs and participated as if nothing were amiss.  If they had to speak to one another in the course of their work, they were both carefully polite.   

Jack felt like a zombie, a dead man walking through his life.  His heart was utterly empty except for the tug he felt whenever he saw Daniel, heard his voice or his name.   

And every day when he returned home after a stop at the city landfill to dump off the previous day’s uprooted plants, he would change into sweats and head to the back yard, diligently digging and pulling up flowers one by one until they were all gone, leaving great ugly holes marring the brilliant green lawn.  As he looked around the landscape, he caught sight of the cedar and ash trees, mocking him silently.

 

_I live for thee.  I watch over thee._

 

Great fucking job he’d done of both.  He’d broken Daniel’s heart, killed Daniel’s love for him, and destroyed their friendship in the process.  Now they were reduced to being coworkers, and barely civil ones at that. 

The trees he decided he would keep as reminders. 

He surveyed the back yard, the green grass radiant in the spring sunshine.  The next day was Saturday, and with any luck, by the time Monday rolled around, he’d have the lawn out of sight, too.  When that was done, he’d tackle the front yard until there was nothing living left in his view.  It had taken him a little over a week to eradicated the bushes and flowers, but removing the lawn would take quite a bit of time, since he was doing it all himself.

 

* * *

 

 

Three more weeks passed, as spring moved toward early summer.  Jack dug up the grass by the shovel full, then raked the bare dirt and covered it with sheets of thick black plastic weighted down with sand until the whole lawn was gone.  Every evening and all day weekends after that, he spent hauling small, manageable loads of flagstones from the local garden and home improvement centers, laying them down a few at a time, until the entire yard was crudely paved.  

When that project was finished, he turned to the front yard, giving it the same treatment.  He bought a load of smooth, rounded river stones and stacked them into the front garden beds, ugly piles of rock that hid the plastic and sand beneath them.   

The work kept his body busy, but with every movement, every task begun and finished, he thought of Daniel.  

Although Jack never spoke to him except in necessary business conversations, he couldn’t help looking.  He filled his eyes with the vision of that beautiful man and remembered what he had done, what he had thrown away, soaking in the pain, like picking at a wound that he couldn't let heal. 

And then, when the meetings were over, he would quietly tuck his anguish away, gather up his meeting notes and retreat to his office to return to work.   

Daniel didn’t look much better than he did, and that worried him.  Jack knew he wasn’t sleeping much and never went outside.  He was pale, with dark circles under his eyes, and he was growing steadily thinner.  Jack wanted to hold him and comfort him, tell him that everything would be all right, but he couldn’t. 

All he could do was give Daniel time and space to get over him, because that was the best thing for the man he loved so deeply. 

Carter and Teal’c were the first to notice when things had gone so horribly wrong. 

Jack had known Daniel had told them something when they’d come to move the rest of his things, but they hadn’t gone into detail, and Jack hadn’t asked. 

They had expressed their sympathy and support, and he had politely thanked them. Afterward, they had come by often, trying to get him to go out with them, inviting him to Sam’s house for dinner, but Jack had turned them down every time and finally he’d requested that they stop asking after him and do what they could to help Daniel.  

That was all that mattered to Jack, and if anyone could offer Daniel the comfort he needed, it would be those two. 

When they’d stopped visiting, he’d started work on the yard as a means to keep himself busy, and to provide the hard labor that he felt needed to be part of his penance.  
There was no comfort for Jack, nothing that could ease his suffering. 

That was all that was left for him now, the only reason he was still breathing. 

That, and to look out for Daniel however he still could.

 

* * *

 

 

**12 May**

**Six Weeks After the Breakup**  

Daniel heard the voices in the waiting room outside Doctor MacKenzie’s office before he reached the door.  He didn’t intend to eavesdrop and wasn’t really listening. MacKenzie’s office was on the same floor as Daniel’s, along with many of the academic and scientific staff domains, like Carter’s lab.  

Daniel paused in the corridor, something on the clipboard he’d been reading as he walked catching his eye and halting his progress toward his own office from the library farther down the hallway.  The ancient Persian tomb one of the SG teams had found off-world was proving to be a particularly difficult puzzle to crack, and Daniel was having to help with some of the translating. He stood there in the middle of the hallway, studying the writing, dancing on the edge of discovery, while the voices inadvertently filtered into his consciousness. 

“Go and see Doctor Stevenson over at Peterson,” MacKenzie was saying to his visitor.  “This field is her specialty, and she’s got the necessary clearance to listen to whatever you have to say.” 

“I’m not military anymore, Doc,” said a familiar voice that Daniel recognized instantly. 

It was Jack.   

Daniel’s ears perked up.  _What the hell was Jack doing talking to MacKenzie?_   Jack hated the shrink almost as much as Daniel did. 

“As a retired officer, you’re still covered by the Air Force, Jack,” MacKenzie reminded him.  “And you need to talk to someone with more experience in this area than I have.  Vanessa Stevenson is very good at what she does.  I’m sure she can help you deal with this, much better than I.  I think you’d be more comfortable with a woman, anyway, in this instance.” 

Jack mumbled something Daniel couldn’t hear. 

 _Of course_ _Jack would be more comfortable with a woman in damn near any situation,_ Daniel thought unpleasantly.

He rapidly started losing interest in the conversation and started walking again, his attention turning back to the photo of the inscription. 

“Shall I call her and set up the appointment?” MacKenzie asked. 

“I’ll do it,” answered Jack flatly. “When I’m ready.” 

“I’m concerned about you, Jack,” MacKenzie said, his voice fading almost out of hearing as Daniel turned the corner in the corridor. 

At the uncharacteristic note of unease in MacKenzie’s voice, Daniel backed up, putting himself back into range to hear more of this conversation. 

He was well aware that he was eavesdropping, and he didn’t care.  

 _MacKenzie_ was worried about _Jack?_   What the hell for? Jack was doing just fine, as far as Daniel could see. 

Then Daniel remembered he hadn’t seen much of Jack at all over the last several weeks, and when he had seen him, he’d kept his eyes averted as much as humanly possible. 

 Maybe it was time he took a good look.  Maybe there was something going on with Jack that he needed to know. 

His relationship with Jack might be over, but he _did_ still care about the man. 

If Jack were sick and needed him...   

That thought brought Daniel’s head up.  Jack _was_ still part of him, and he lived with that knowledge every day.  The rage and intense hurt had faded somewhat, leaving only resentment and the stinging reminders of a difficult lesson learned in their wake.  Those emotions were manageable, so if Jack needed help, he would find a way to extend the hand of friendship, step over his own pride, and do what he could. 

Jack wasn’t nearly as tough as everyone else thought, and Daniel was probably the only one in the world who knew it.  He needed someone to lean on now and then, and if this were one of those times… 

“I’ll be okay, Doc,” Jack replied slowly.  “Thanks for this.” 

Daniel ducked down the hall just as Jack came out the office door, his head down, gaze riveted on the floor.  

They met at the elevator, where Daniel stood waiting for the next car to arrive.  For several uncomfortable moments, they stood a few feet apart, Jack staring straight ahead at the doors, Daniel stealing glances as his former friend and lover. 

Jack looked gaunt.  There were more lines in his face and more silver in his hair, cut so short now that Daniel could see his scalp, just a little fringe of longer stuff on the top adding a little personality to the military buzz cut, and his earring was still gone. 

Daniel felt a lump rise in his throat and directed his gaze back down to the photo on his clipboard. 

He’d loved playing in Jack’s hair when he’d had it long, and thought the earring was hot.  With a pang, he remembered that he’d never told Jack how much he liked that new look, how sexy he’d thought it was.   

Maybe, he wondered, that was why Jack had changed it. 

The elevator doors slid open, and Jack stepped inside. 

Daniel stayed where he was, looking down at the photo on the clipboard. 

“You coming?”  Jack asked flatly. 

“I’ll take the next one, thanks,” Daniel answered coolly, still unwilling to get too close. 

Jack gave him a brisk nod, punched a button and the doors closed between them. 

But not before Daniel had gotten a good look into Jack’s eyes. 

Not only had they been devoid of any interest in Daniel, they’d been dead, totally emotionless, not a flicker of sorrow, grief, anger, love or any damned thing inside them.  Just empty.  Soulless. 

Like they’d been on Abydos, the first time. 

That brief glance chilled Daniel to the bone. 

He shivered, swallowing his heart back down. 

MacKenzie wasn’t the only one worried about Jack now.  

Daniel tried to shake the feeling off, convincing himself it had just been himself projecting what he’d _thought_ Jack was feeling, rather than sensing anything real.  After all, Daniel didn’t have a clue what was really going on inside Jack O’Neill’s head or heart.  He knew now that he never had.  If he had, maybe Jack wouldn’t have felt the need to sleep with that woman in the first place. 

The memory of that haunted gaze wouldn’t go away, though, and Daniel began to wonder.  Had the affair just been reinforcement of Daniel’s conviction that he’d been worthless in bed, and Jack hadn’t had the heart to tell him, since he’d been the one to initiate a relationship with Daniel?  Or was it something else, something deeper, more sinister?  

Daniel punched the elevator call button and waited for the next car to take him to his quarters for a book he needed, so he could finish preparing for the upcoming briefing with the department heads.  Jack would be there, and Daniel didn’t want to be distracted by the ever-increasing worry he now felt.

If Jack were ill, surely Daniel would have heard about it by now. 

It had to be something else, so he thought a little investigation was in order. 

Turning to his computer, he looked up Doctor Vanessa Stevenson on the directory at Peterson.  She was in psych services at the other base, holding the rank of Major, with a Ph.D. in counseling. 

Daniel was pretty sure Jack would skip MacKenzie’s recommendation to see another shrink, since he wasn’t one for spilling his guts to anyone. 

Jack didn’t talk about his feelings; he showed others how he felt with actions that spoke far louder than words.  

All members of the SGC teams had to undergo routine sessions with the psychiatric staff, due to the hazardous duty they all endured and the unusual situations they encountered.  Daniel had hated them, hated MacKenzie for not listening to him when he’d been so quick to throw him into the mental hospital for cracking up, when he’d been invaded by an alien machine that caused him to hallucinate vividly.  That sort of weirdness had been almost a daily occurrence in the lower levels of the base, and MacKenzie had his hands full keeping up with all the stress and shock the SGC units endured. 

In the eight years Daniel had been with the program, he’d never heard of MacKenzie farming anyone on the SGC roster out to another shrink. 

Maybe it was because of Jack’s new orientation, because MacKenzie didn’t want to deal with a bisexual man.  Maybe it was because Jack was a civilian now, no longer requiring the routine psych evals of active team members. Or maybe it was because of Jack’s animosity toward the shrink. 

After all, Jack had a real problem with him, and had never made any secret of it, and maybe he’d be more open to someone he didn’t resent quite as much.

But why had Jack voluntarily gone to see MacKenzie, when he wasn’t mandated to do so?  
Whatever the reason, Daniel decided it was Jack’s problem, he was seeking help, and Daniel should just stay out of it and stop worrying. 

Jack was a grown man and could certainly take care of himself.  

He logged out of the directory and settled down to get ready for the upcoming meeting. 

Daniel would need to have his armor on when he sat at the briefing table with Jack in a couple of hours.

 

* * *

 

 

“Thank you, Doctor Jackson,” said Jack.  “That was most enlightening.”  

Daniel watched O’Neill’s empty eyes move from his face across the briefing table, to his notes, where he began to write. 

It occurred to Daniel that he hadn’t heard Jack aim a single wisecrack or snappy comeback at anyone in weeks. 

Daniel frowned at his notes, deep in thought, and realized he also hadn’t seen Jack smile for some time, either. 

Which was just as well. He _ought_ to take things more seriously. Served him right.

Maybe their break-up had been a wake-up call. 

Maybe Jack O’Neill had finally learned to act like a grown-up.   

Still, it made Daniel curious.  What else was different about Jack?  Had he learned his lesson? 

Maybe he’d do better with his girlfriend than he had with his boyfriend. 

Daniel turned his attention back to the briefing.  When it was over, he returned to his office to prepare the next assignments for his staff and check the status of their current projects.  

His day was filled with work, and by the time evening rolled around, he impulsively decided he needed to get out for a while. 

He’d been cooped up on the base for over a month now, and it was time he made a fresh start. 

After logging out a car from the base motor pool, Daniel went into town, thinking he’d like to go out to dinner, maybe stop by a bookstore or do a little shopping. 

Soon, he thought, he’d need to look into getting a new place. 

He couldn’t hide on the base forever, and he needed to get back into the rhythm of actually having a life.  

Maybe, if he were lucky, he’d even find someone to date.  That would certainly take his mind off Jack.  Daniel shook his head at himself. 

“It always comes back to Jack,” he muttered aloud in the silence.  

Glancing around, he recognized the area he found himself in and realized he’d been driving on autopilot. 

 He turned the corner of the nearest street, recognizing the neighborhood. 

This was the way to Jack’s place, and somehow his subconscious had directed him there. 

He decided he should at least pass by the house since he was almost there, and drove down the winding road leading to Jack’s cul-de-sac.  

He jammed on the brakes as soon as he got a good look at the place, his mouth falling open in horrified surprise.  The yard looked barren and dead.  The only green he could see was in the neighbors’ yards and the trees toward the back of Jack’s property. 

The truck was in the driveway but there were no other cars in sight, so unless he’d picked up his girlfriend and driven her back to his place, Jack was most likely home alone. 

Daniel pulled up to the curb and considered the promptings of his intuition. 

The sight of the total lack of landscaping ate at him. 

Coupled with MacKenzie’s concern for him, Daniel felt alarms of all kinds going off inside him. 

He put the car in park, and after another moment, he switched the motor off and got out.  

A small bag of trash sat on the curb, ready for the morning’s pickup.  Sticking out of the top was a piece of rolled-up graph paper, which Daniel thought he recognized.  He pulled it out and unrolled it, gazing at Jack’s carefully drawn landscape plan, each plant lovingly colored in and labeled. 

It made Daniel’s heart ache to look at it, and a wave of sentiment filled him.  

He rolled the paper up and tossed it through the open window into his car.  Maybe Jack didn’t want it anymore, but it would be a souvenir for Daniel.  He was just sentimental enough to know that he _needed_ to keep that plan, no matter how painful it might be to see.  He could tuck it into the back of his closet and never look at it again, but it would always be there, a reminder of what he’d once had and lost, and how beautiful everything had once been between them during a wonderful chapter of his life. 

It was something he needed to keep, because he’d had so few moments like that in his life. 

Slowly, warily, Daniel made his way up the driveway.  He saw the flagstones butted up to the concrete driveway in the side yard and walked out on them, moving around the house. 

Shockwaves pulsed through his soul as he stared at the paved yard, nothing but gray stone all the way out to the trees. 

Surely Jack couldn’t have done this all by himself? 

The labor would have caused him tremendous pain, but what worried Daniel more was the _symbolism_. 

The house looked more like a mausoleum now than a home. 

Jack was dying.  Some part of Daniel knew that, and it grabbed him by the heart. 

The visit to MacKenzie, the look in Jack’s eyes, the uncharacteristically humorless behavior, and now this gray, dead house terrified Daniel. 

He had to do something, had to talk to Jack. 

Even if he had company, Daniel had to act. 

He limped around to the front door, up the steps and rang the doorbell.  It took a moment for the door to open. 

There was a brief flicker of surprise in Jack’s eyes, but then it was gone. All traces of emotion vanished. 

Daniel stood on the doorstep, just staring at the man he had loved. _Still_ loved, if he were honest with himself.  He couldn’t help that. 

But he had a purpose here, and struggled to remind himself to keep to the business at hand. 

“Jack, I think we need to talk.” 

Those lifeless brown eyes didn’t even blink.  “Jack isn’t here.” 

“Then who the hell are _you?”_   Daniel snarled, impatience and the ghost of anger raising its ugly head and seizing momentary control of his mouth. 

“I’m SGC Advisor O’Neill,” Jack said flatly.  He was still holding onto the doorknob, barring the way into the house with his body.  

There was no welcome for Daniel here. 

“And where has Jack gone, pray tell?” challenged Daniel, his voice heavy with sarcasm.  He leaned heavily on his cane. 

Pause.  “He’s in prison, where he belongs.”  Jack started to shut the door. 

Daniel lashed out with his cane, stopping it.  “Oh?  And what was his crime?  As if I didn’t know.” 

Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Murder,” he said quietly.  “He killed love.” 

Stunned, Daniel didn’t move as the door slowly closed in his face.  When he managed to collect his wits, he tried the door and found it locked.  He went around to the back of the house and tried the patio doors, which were also barred shut. 

Peering into the big picture windows, he could see Jack sitting on a hard bench that had replaced the sofa, his head in his hands. 

Daniel started to knock on the window when it struck him that the _house_ looked different inside, too. 

All the pictures and ribbons celebrating Jack’s military career were gone, even pictures of Charlie taken from the mantel.

Every wall was blank, empty.

All that remained were the bare essentials for living: necessary furniture and kitchen implements. 

Every trace of personality, family and comfort within the rooms Daniel could see had been swept clean.

 _More barren than a prison cell.  Like solitary confinement, reserved for only the worst offenders._  

A chill sneaked up Daniel’s spine. 

He watched Jack, waiting for some sign, some movement. 

For a long time Jack sat there like a stone, not moving a muscle.  Finally, he rose, apparently unmindful of Daniel looking in at him, and went into the back of the house, where Daniel knew he couldn’t see in through the shutters.   

Daniel wandered over to the trees and saw that the flagstones covered every patch of ground, all the way back to the stone wall that marked the back of Jack’s property.  Every patch of earth had been covered, leaving space only for the trees where they stood.

Daniel felt a little relief that those, at least, were still there. 

With a sigh, he headed back toward the house. 

His stomach clenched when he noticed a gasoline-powered chainsaw sitting on the table on the deck, in the same place where there had once been pots and vases of flowers, brilliantly declaring Jack’s love for him.  

Oh, God!  _Jack was going to cut down his trees, too._ He was going to kill every green, growing thing surrounding his home.  

Daniel had to do something.  He’d tried talking to Jack, and that had gone nowhere.  Maybe it was time he spoke with General Hammond, or even Doctor MacKenzie.  All he knew was that he had to help Jack before he hurt himself.   

That thought scared him so much, he headed straight for the front door and knocked again. When the first raps weren’t answered, he started to pound on the door with his fist.  He was getting ready to go around back and break in through a window when the door opened. 

“Let me in, Jack,” Daniel demanded. 

“No.  You don’t live here anymore.”  He started to close the door. "Go away, Daniel.  There's nothing you want here." 

Daniel stopped it with his shoulder. 

“Jack, you’re scaring me!”  He gestured around him at the piles of stones where thriving plants once decorated the entryway.  “Look at this!  What happens when you’ve killed everything around you, huh?  What’s next on your hit list?” 

Jack heaved an endlessly patient-sounding sigh. 

“I’m not dangerous, Daniel,” he informed him, enunciating each word like he was explaining some higher truth to a child.  “I’m not suicidal or homicidal.  If I were, I’d have done something about it a long time ago.  Now, go back home and leave me in peace.” 

He shut the door forcefully, almost knocking Daniel down with it. 

Stunned, hurt, and frightened for Jack, Daniel stepped off the porch and went to sit in his borrowed car.  He was pretty certain Jack wouldn’t answer the door a third time. 

As he drove himself back to the base, worry, bordering on panic, gnawed at his insides.  

 

* * *

 

 

An hour later, back in his office, he paced for a while, thinking, trying to figure out what to do.  Finally, he decided to phone the General at home and express his concern for Jack’s well-being. 

“I knew something had happened when you moved back to the base last month, Doctor Jackson,” Hammond informed him gently.  “Jack and I had a talk back then, and I’ve been watching him ever since.” 

His voice deepened and grew quieter.  “I’ve been concerned about both of you, but you seemed to be handling everything just fine.  Or at least better than Jack is.” 

“Did you send him to MacKenzie earlier today?” 

“You know I can’t answer that, son.  Have you spoken with Jack?  Maybe talking to each other might help both of you.”   

“I tried.  He wouldn’t talk to me.”  Daniel sighed and ran a hand through his hair nervously.  “Shut the door in my face.  Twice.” 

“Jack is going through a tough time, and no one should know that better than you,” George reminded him.  “It’s good that you’re speaking again.  I think he needs that.  It might help.” 

“I’ll make more of an effort, then,” Daniel assured him.  “Maybe ask him to have lunch with me.” 

“Are you sure you’re up to that, son?” 

“I think, for Jack’s sake, I have to be.”  The lump in Daniel’s throat turned into a cold stone in his stomach.  “Thank you, sir.  I hope he’s okay.  I really do.” 

Hammond agreed.  “As do we all, Doctor.  As do we all.  The place just isn’t the same without his wisecracks and cornball humor.” 

A wistful smile slipped across Daniel’s lips and faded.  “Yeah.  I know.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow, sir. Again, I’m sorry to disturb you at home.” 

“Call anytime, son.  Good night.  Try to get some sleep.”  He paused.  “And thank you for trying to help.” 

“G’night, sir.” 

Daniel hung up the phone and contemplated whether it would do him any good to try to rest.  He decided that would be a useless proposition, so he cracked the books and went to work on the latest translation project, doing his best to concentrate and not think about Jack. 

The image of those hollow brown eyes haunted him, even into his dreams as he slept with his head down on his desk, hours later, too exhausted to continue working.

 

* * *

 

 

**13 May**

**The Next Day**  

Daniel ignored his stomach grumbling, concentrating on the report Nyan had written on the need for additional academic staff to carry their current workload.  Seven of the nineteen SG teams on the roster were currently without archaeologists/anthropologists/linguists and those whose work kept them strictly on base, including Nyan and himself, were seriously overloaded. 

The wily alien had been surfing the internet for potential candidates in advance of getting approval for new hires. 

Daniel smiled at his proactive work, scanning the list and the edited biographies Nyan had provided with his recommendations. 

He picked up his highlighter and started going through the list, marking ten potentials that he thought he’d like to research and possibly interview.  He reached for his phone to call Nyan and ask him to get more detailed documentation as well as check on their security clearances, but it rang before he lifted the receiver. 

Picking it up, he put it to his ear and frowned.  “Daniel Jackson.” 

He listened for a moment.  “Thanks, Sergeant Wilkes.  I owe you a favor.  A big one.”  

He hung up, pleased that his request to the staff who monitored the security cameras had paid off.  He’d asked them to let him know when Jack was headed for the commissary to take his lunch break. 

 Now he could go eat and arrange an apparently accidental meeting to talk with Jack.   

He hurried to the elevator and down four floors to the commissary, arriving just as Jack sat down at an isolated table with his tray.  

It was late in the afternoon, so the dining room was mostly empty. 

Daniel grabbed a sandwich and coffee, presented his account card and limped over to the table with his tray in both hands, not using his cane and regretting it by the time he arrived. 

With a grunt of relief, he slammed his butt down into a chair across from Jack, grateful to get his weight off his bad leg. 

“Hey,” he said lightly behind the grimace.  “Mind if I sit down?”   

Jack’s eyes had flicked up to his when he’d flopped down into the chair.  He’d stopped chewing for a moment, then turned his attention back to his food, keeping his eyes downcast as he’d swallowed his mouthful of food.

“Suit yourself.”  He picked up his tray and started to rise. 

Daniel leaned across the table to lay his hand on Jack’s forearm.  “Please, don’t go,” he asked softly.  “Just stay.  Please.  I want to talk.” 

“Sorry.”  Stubborn to the end, Jack straightened up, pulling his arm away from Daniel and pushing his chair back. 

“It’s business, Jack.  Really.”  Daniel looked up at him, trying to get him to meet his gaze. 

Jack sighed.  He relaxed back into his chair, thumping his tray down on the table, and picked up his fork, shoveling in another mouthful of green beans. 

“So talk business.” 

No eye contact. 

Daniel launched into the prospect of new hires for his department, drawing Jack into a real conversation, asking his opinions on the state of the academics program, the scholarly needs of the SGC, personality and suitability of potential candidates, anything Daniel could think of that might be a reasonably work-related topic, to keep Jack talking and sitting in that chair. 

It occurred to him that it was probably the most stimulating conversation he’d ever had with Jack, filled with practical advice and sharp observations that left Daniel’s mind whirling and his pants a little too tight. 

He found himself leaning on his hand, staring at Jack hungrily through his eyelashes, half listening to what he was saying because Daniel was distracted by watching his lips work. 

When he realized what he’d been doing, his mind went blank for a moment.  

A huge sense of relief swept through him. 

The knowledge that he and Jack could still relate like professionals for the good of the program was frankly reassuring, but the fact that he was getting turned on unnerved him, left him a little shaken and witless. 

This wasn’t supposed to be happening after all the hurt Jack had dished out.  Daniel was supposed to be immune, but his traitorous body certainly hadn’t gotten the message. 

The moment Jack finished speaking and balled up his paper napkin to drop it on his empty plate, Daniel blurted, “I miss you.” 

He hadn’t planned to say anything remotely like that, and his eyes went wide as he stared at Jack for his reaction. 

Jack’s eyes shot back to meet Daniel’s, his jaw clenched, the muscles of his face tense. 

He glanced away to check his watch. 

“I have an appointment, Daniel.  We can finish this conversation later.  Please make an appointment with my assistant.” 

With that, he got up, carried his tray to the dish station, and left the commissary. 

For several minutes, Daniel just sat in his chair, every fiber of his being aglow. 

He was disappointed that Jack had retreated, but it had felt so damned good just to talk to him, to be in his presence and look at him, that Daniel couldn’t help realizing that what he felt for Jack had not dimmed at all. 

That didn’t mean he no longer felt pain at Jack’s betrayal.  That was still there, too, still aching and tender, but the rage was gone. 

Daniel felt as if he could breathe again. 

Maybe he could find a way to recover their friendship, at least. 

Their breakup would always be a painful memory, cold and hard inside him, but now he believed he could set it aside and get past it. 

Jack needed him, whether he admitted it or not.  Daniel knew that instinctively, and even though it was terribly frightening to think about, he knew he still loved Jack. 

Maybe now was the time to hear whatever it was that Jack had wanted to tell him that day he’d come to Daniel’s office to talk. 

Jack had tried to confess, to explain, and Daniel had shut him down. 

And maybe, if he understood why Jack had been compelled to cheat on him, Daniel might be able to find a way to forgive him.  He was ready for that.  He wanted his friend back, and the only way for him to have that was to find a way to help Jack forgive himself. 

Eight years had passed, but they seemed to be back on Abydos again, lost in an obliterating sandstorm with only each other for protection against the cold night and brutal wind. 

Such was the power of love, the healing of forgiveness and mercy.   

With a sigh, he stood up, steadied himself with his cane and picked up his tray with one hand. He dropped it off and made his way out of the commissary to return to his office, turning over in his mind the prospect of regaining their friendship and discovering with a shiver of surprise that it was something he wanted very much.   

All he had to do was find a way for Jack to be willing to accept his overture, and Daniel believed both of them would be much happier.  Not as happy as they’d been the previous year, but Daniel firmly believed that kind of happiness wasn’t meant for someone like him. 

If he could just help Jack stop punishing himself, that would be enough. 

He returned to his office to study Nyan’s report, thinking of all the possible angles he might use to bring him and Jack closer together. 

 Someone would have to go out and contact all these people, visit them and make the pitches.  Daniel’s reputation was either crap or nonexistent in the world of his peers, depending on whom you asked, but at least he spoke the lingo.  It suddenly occurred to him that Jack’s presence would go a long way toward making the contacts look as legitimate as they actually were, so it would behoove the SGC to send them both. 

Daniel picked up the phone and made an appointment to see General Hammond to discuss the idea.  Once in the CO’s office, he explained his position, reiterated the program’s needs and, on receiving a positive response from the General, he left it to Hammond to set up a meeting to discuss the situation with both of them.   

Back in his own office, Daniel picked up his planner to see when might be the best time to work in a trip for them to several points of interest, and hoped the SGC’s needs might be just the thing to bring two old friends back together, where they belonged. 

 

* * *

 

 

When Jack left the commissary after seeing and talking with Daniel, he headed straight for the elevators, wondering what kind of fate or karma or coincidence had possessed Daniel to have approached him on _this_ day, of all days.   

He got off on level eighteen long enough to throw up in the nearest men’s room, his control slipping, and nerves beginning to show through his veneer of calm. 

After he’d cleaned himself up, he stopped by his assistant’s office to remind her that he’d be away for the rest of the day. 

Returning to the elevator, he checked his watch as he rode up to the eleventh floor to sign out. 

When he reached the main gate, a prearranged taxi was waiting for him.  He rode to the nearest bar and proceeded to down as many shots of whisky as he could manage, until he thought he was loose enough to face what came next.  He tipped the bartender an extra five-spot for calling him a cab for the next leg of his journey. 

The taxi dropped him off at the front gate of Peterson Air Force Base in the Springs. He’d arranged for an airman to meet him there with one of those little golf-cart looking vehicles that zipped around the big base hauling VIPs and providing speed for couriers and security personnel.  

The airman dropped him off at a small, low building set beside a copse of trees, with a promise to return for him when Jack called for a pick-up.   

Jack had it all planned out, from the taxis to the trip to the bar to the appointment itself, down to having someone drive him home afterward and pick him up in the morning. 

This simply wasn’t something he could face doing sober.  He was officially off duty and a civilian to boot, so he hoped the military would be a little more lenient with his present behavior, especially in light of what he was about to face.   

What he hadn’t planned in advance was Daniel’s ambush in the commissary.  That he would choose _that_ day to reach out to Jack wasn’t lost on him.  It had to be significant somehow in the natural order of things.  

He missed Daniel.  Watching him talk and flirt and tease under the guise of business had felt like an omen, and Jack was a firm believer in those little cosmic nudges. 

He took it as a sign that he was headed in the right direction, regardless of how painful that path might be. 

On unsteady legs, he entered the doctor’s waiting room and presented himself to the civilian receptionist.  She gave him some paperwork to fill out and directed him to have a seat, which he did. 

He bent his head over the clipboard, and using a steady hand that belied his inebriation, he obediently wrote his health and personal information down for the doctor.  

Gradually he realized that all the other patients in the waiting room were female, some of them in uniform, and none of them looking at him too happily. 

He wanted to apologize to all of them for being present among them, for being drunk, and for all the sins and shortcomings of men in general, and was stupidly about to do just that when a nurse dressed in white but wearing the insignia of an Air Force lieutenant called his name.   

He stumbled out of his chair and followed her out of the waiting room, down a short corridor and into a spacious, comfortable office. 

The lighting and décor, even the scent of the place, were calculated to be soothing.  

Doctor Stevenson met him at the door with a smile and an outstretched hand.  She blinked a little as the scent of alcohol wafted over her when he spoke to introduce himself, but she helped him to the sofa and guided him to sit down on it without comment. 

Jack woozily studied her. 

She was about his age, but not quite as gray.  Her brown hair was pulled back into a neat bun at her nape, perfectly regulation along with her uniform, and her brown eyes were kind as she smiled at him.  Her rank insignia indicated that she was a Major, but like Janet Fraiser, she wore her “doctor” title first in her office.  

She took a seat in a comfortable-looking armchair beside the sofa and picked up a clipboard and pen she had waiting for her there. 

“I’ve looked over your record, Mister O’Neill, and I must say, you’ve had quite a career with the military,” she observed pleasantly.  “I believe your country – in fact, your _world_ \-- owes you a great debt.” 

“Ah, it was nothin’,” he said with a shrug, leaning back against the sofa.  “So am I s’posed to lie down here, or what?” 

He wriggled a little against the cushions, acutely ill at ease.  “Oh, and just call me Jack.”  He cleared his throat nervously.  “Please.” 

Doctor Stevenson sighed.  “All right, Jack.  I’ll also ask you to please not come to any future sessions when you’ve been drinking.  I understand this is very difficult for you—“ 

“That’s an understatement,” he interrupted with a snort and a roll of his eyes. 

She fixed him with her best professional stare.  “—but being under the influence really _won’t_ help.”  When he didn’t answer, she looked down at the clipboard in her hands.  “Now tell me.  Do you find yourself drinking more than usual lately?” 

He shook his head and the sudden motion made him so dizzy, he closed his eyes for a moment and made an effort not to keel over. 

“Haven’t had even a beer in more’n a month.  Not till today.  Honestly?  I didn’t see how I could get through this sober.” 

Her disapproval softened into understanding.  “I must tell you, Jack, I don’t have many patients who are men.  Not many are willing to report this kind of thing.  I’m pleased you had the courage to come to me.  Can I ask you why you waited so long to seek counseling?” 

Jack’s eyebrows climbed up his forehead.  “Well, I’m sure you’ve already read the report.  It’s in my medical record.  The docs knew when they examined me after I escaped that fucking prison camp—“

He realized he’d just let slip an offensive word in front of an officer and a lady at that, and apologized, instantly contrite. 

“I’ll assume that’s the booze talking, Jack,” Stevenson returned warmly.  “No offense taken.”  She smiled. 

“So I guess you’re wonderin’ what’s made me come here after nearly twenty years of thinkin’ I had it covered,” he began. 

“Yes.  Your record shows you received some counseling after you returned from Iraq.  Have you been having some difficulties lately that you feel stem from your experiences in the prison camp?” 

He noticed she’d carefully avoided saying the ‘R’ word. 

Jack nodded and gazed down at the floor.  “Yup.  I fell in love.” 

He cleared his throat and laced his fingers together across his thighs. 

“With a man,” he admitted with a quick look at her face to gauge her reaction to this revelation. 

“I see.”  Nothing about her attitude seemed surprised or judgmental.  “Is that why you retired last year?” 

He nodded.  “Yes, ma’am.  I couldn’t betray the vows I’d made to my country when I volunteered to serve.” 

He sighed, his eyes burning with the need to weep, but he wouldn’t let himself. 

“But later, I found it too damn easy to betray the man I love, and I need to know why.  I think, maybe, I already do, but…” 

“You need some help to get there.”  She nodded.  “I’ll certainly do what I can to help you understand, but I don’t want you to blame yourself, Jack.  You were a _victim_ , here.” 

“So was he.” 

Jack lifted his eyes to meet hers at last, his heart like a lump of hot lead sinking from his chest down into his belly. 

“His name is Daniel, and I still love him.” 

He did.  He really _did_ still love him.  Maybe more than ever. 

He wrapped his arms around his waist and hunched over, his lips pursed tightly together in an effort not to cry out with the pain of it, which felt like a sharp blade sliding between his ribs.  His whole body was rebelling at the emotional war going on inside him, and he was a mass of pain from his throat all the way down into his guts.   

Doctor Stevenson watched him for a moment and then wrote something in her notes. 

“Where would you like to begin, Jack?”  she asked in a gentle voice, her wide eyes soft with sympathy and what Jack hoped wasn’t pity. 

Such a simple question, but so loaded with an ugly history, hopelessness and guilt, and the answer sprang instantly to his mind. 

He took a deep breath, leaned his head back on the sofa, and covered his closed eyes with his palms. 

“In Iraq.  That’s where it all started.  They called me _kosoo_.  Among other choice things.”   

He opened his mouth and started to speak in an emotionless monotone.  For several minutes he let the memories roll out, staring unseeing at the ceiling, recounting every horror, every humiliation, in as much graphic detail as he could recall. 

It was the very first time in twenty years that he had told another living soul every shameful thing that had happened to him.  His hands shook, but other than that, he gave no sign of his inner turmoil while he talked. 

When he was finished, he remained where he was, head thrown back on the cushions, eyes closed, his hands drawn up into fists on top of his thighs. 

He felt empty, purged, curiously lighter but at the same time weighed down with the enormity of his grief and shame. 

After a few moments of silence, he opened his eyes and searched her face. 

“Help me, Doc,” he said in a small, quiet voice.  “I think I might be dying, and I’m scared.” 

With a nod, the doctor came to her feet, her face filled with compassion and understanding, recognizing his need. 

“Okay, Jack.  We have a lot of work to do, you and I, and I think we should start right now.  You wait here and rest for a minute or two.  I’m just going to go out and have my receptionist cancel my appointments for the rest of the day.  I’ll have her bring in a little snack for us, and some water.  Can you stay for a while?” 

“Yes,” he said simply with a relieved nod.  “I think that would be a good thing to do. Thank you.” 

Doctor Stevenson excused herself and he watched her leave, his head falling back on the soft couch, his eyes sliding hopelessly, wearily closed.   

_Daniel._

* * *

 

 

Daniel lay in his bed, the covers pulled up to his waist.  His right hand was tucked beneath his head as he stared at the ceiling; his left lay on his belly, just above the elastic waist of his pajama pants.  It was mostly dark in the room so far underground, the light switch by the door and another beside the entrance to his tiny bathroom providing a soft green illumination to help him find his way around in emergencies.  The glowing switches also gave just enough light to allow him to see a little, or to at least pretend he did.  They were anchors of a sort, and he appreciated the thought that had gone into adding that little touch to the lockdown quarters on the lower floors. 

He thought about seeing Jack at lunch earlier in the day, and the warmth of that memory spread all through him.  He found himself smiling as he pictured Jack’s face.  He remembered how relieved he’d been to look into those eyes and see some spark of intelligence, of personality, gleaming back at him.  During their conversation a wisecrack had slipped out of Jack, and Daniel had actually chuckled, caught so off guard he couldn’t shrug it off like he used to do. 

The look in Jack’s eyes had turned instantly to hunger, and for a moment, the fire had burned in Daniel’s belly, too. 

Even now, hours later, the look Jack had given him was still having its effect, and try as he might, Daniel couldn’t tuck it away. 

He felt himself growing harder beneath the covers, and with a groan he slipped his hand downward, into the waistband of his pajamas, and held himself. 

He closed his eyes and remembered his birthday and all the wonderful surprises Jack had lavished on him: the massage, the sensual delight of lunch, the trip to Denver and that amazingly romantic night in the hotel bed, flower petals strewn around them as he’d taken Jack for the first time.  

Daniel groaned and let his hand slip upward on his shaft, remembering how it had felt to slide into Jack, how blown away Daniel had been by the tightness and heat of the joining of their bodies.  He remembered how good it always was, how beautiful, and how much in love they’d been.   

With a sigh, Daniel got up and stepped out of his clothes.  He padded into the tiny bathroom and jacked off under the warm water in his shower, coming quickly in long, powerful spurts that left him leaning weak and boneless against the shower wall, gasping Jack’s name under his breath. 

Then he dried himself off and returned to bed naked. 

That was the first time since he’d moved out of Jack’s house that he’d felt even the slightest arousal.  The significance of that fact wasn’t lost on him, either.  He still wanted Jack, still loved him, but Daniel felt he couldn’t trust him anymore.  If Jack could carry on an affair for three weeks behind his back, he hadn’t been truly committed to the relationship he’d told Daniel he’d wanted so much. 

Daniel still didn’t understand why Jack had done it.  After all, he wasn’t the kind of man who seemed interested in sexual experimentation just for the hell of it.  

He’d given up his career for Daniel, retired and been ready to live on just his pension before the civilian advisory position came through, just so they could be together. 

Daniel knew how deep Jack’s dedication was to the military, to his country. 

It defined him, and yet the last time Daniel had been to Jack’s house, a look through the windows showed all the evidence of that was gone, every ribbon, medal and commendation no longer in sight. 

Jack had given up his whole life, everything he was, in order to have Daniel. 

 So what had made him betray what he seemed to want more than anything else?  Had their love been a mistake?  Had Jack come to regret giving up his heterosexual orientation? 

Daniel tried harder to remember every detail of their lives together those last few months.  

Jack had been increasingly quiet and withdrawn, but anytime Daniel approached him for sex, he’d always been willing, and had always seemed to enjoy it.  Even if he’d come an hour earlier and couldn’t get it up again, if Daniel were ready, Jack had always seemed eager to accommodate him.  

But then afterward… 

Most of the time, Jack wanted to cuddle and talk a little after they made love, but Daniel didn’t always have time for that. Jack never seemed to mind the quickies and sometimes he even instigated them, distracting Daniel from his work for a quick blow-job that Daniel was often willing to give him, especially since he’d get a little something in return. 

Then had come the time Jack had had that nightmare that had flung him out of bed, and after that, he’d seemed… almost ashamed whenever they finished. 

He hadn’t looked Daniel in the eye, hadn’t kissed him, just tucked his head and folded up on himself and feigned sleep, if he hadn’t actually drifted right off. 

Daniel had always pressed as close to his lover as he dared and left him alone, not understanding the problem, but sure they could work it out. 

He’d known something was up; he just hadn’t found out what it was. 

Then after making the discovery about Jack’s affair, Daniel had decided he didn’t want to know. 

Now he was rethinking that.  Jack had come to him and tried to tell him, and Daniel had shut him out.  Right _after_ he’d promised he'd always be there for Jack. 

Maybe now it was time to start talking and make good on that promise.  Maybe it _did_ matter why Jack had been unfaithful to him.  It was obvious that Jack had a problem, and that it was serious.  Daniel owed him the chance to explain.  He might still not ever be able to forgive or trust Jack, but maybe he could understand him a little better, and they could learn to be friends again. 

Daniel felt a burden lift from him.  He closed his eyes as he promised himself that he would look up the number for that florist in the morning and send Jack a message that he needed to hear, in a language he was sure to understand.

 

* * *

 

 

**15 May**

**Two Days Later**

Jack heard the mail cart coming down the hall with its sing-song squeaky wheel. He decided to write himself a note about bringing some WD-40 from home to fix that.  He glanced up from his desk as a young airman stepped into his office with the daily routing. 

In his hands were a small pot with a flowering plant and a tall vase with a familiar blue flower in it, this one made of silk. 

“Delivery for you, sir,” said the airman.  He glanced around for someplace to set them, but every square inch of Jack’s desk was covered with papers, folders, accordion files and trays that held still more papers. 

Jack held out his hands and took them, carefully setting them down on top of the budget reports he’d been checking.  He barely noticed when the airman delivered more paper to his IN box and picked up the outgoing routing, then disappeared out the door. 

Jack couldn’t take his eyes off the plants. 

There was a sprig of English ivy trailing over the lip of the tall vase that held the blue silk iris.  The pot held an oak-leaved geranium, a rare and expensive plant that couldn’t be easily had.   

Reminding himself to breathe, Jack looked for the card from the florist’s shop, pinned to the blue bow stuck into the vase with the iris. 

His hands shook as he opened it. 

 _Translate the codex_ , the card read.  

Jack collapsed back against the chair, a surge of relief wringing all the tension from him, leaving him sagging in his seat. 

He stared at the arrangement, remembering the meanings of these particular plants.

 

Iris: _I have a message for you_.

Ivy: _friendship_.

Oak-leaved geranium: _true friendship… and a melancholy mind._

 

No signature was needed on the card. 

None was necessary, since only one person could have sent him these flowers.   

He leaned forward and buried his face in the pink blossoms of the rare geranium, rubbing his cheeks and nose over the silky petals.  Daniel had known which florist in town could lay hands on that particular plant and had spent big bucks to get one, just for this. 

Just for him. 

All that mattered was the message, and now it was coming back to Jack in full bloom.   

By sending these flowers, Daniel had been holding out a symbolic olive branch of peace. 

It was a first step, and even though Jack was virtually certain that it would go no further than friendship between them ever again, it would be enough. 

He had lived with limitations between them before, and he could do it again. 

He rose, carefully gathered up the pot and vase, and headed down the long corridor to Daniel’s office. 

The door was open, and Daniel was sitting at his desk, his back to the door, looking at something written on one of those standing chalkboards on rollers that he sometimes used. 

For a long moment, Jack just watched him as, deep in concentration, his fingertip traced one of the characters in the chalk dust.  In a bittersweetly familiar manner, he poked at it a couple of times to punctuate the internal dialogue he was spouting silently in his mind, then turned abruptly back to his computer and began to type furiously on his keyboard. 

Jack waited in the doorway until Daniel lifted his hands from the keys. 

He seemed to sense someone watching him and glanced up to see who was there.

He didn’t smile, but his face relaxed, the concentration of a moment earlier completely gone, mental gears shifted to something pleasant. 

It showed in his face. 

“Hey, Jack,” Daniel said quietly, his gaze flicking from the flowers to Jack’s face.  “I was hoping you’d come by.  Come on in.  Shut the door, will you?” 

“I… Uh…”

The containers in his hands were trembling. 

Jack glanced at them, tried and failed to make them be still. 

He stepped hesitantly inside, stopped after a couple of feet, closed the door with his heel and started again toward the desk.

“Look what somebody sent me.” 

Daniel gazed up at Jack through his lashes in that seductive way that always made Jack’s heart do flip-flops in his chest. 

He still had no idea how sexy he was, and Jack was just fine with that. 

If Daniel ever found out and learned how to use his sex appeal, he’d be the deadliest weapon the Tau’ri had at their disposal.  

“Looks like it’s from someone who knows you pretty well,” Daniel observed.  “Someone who apparently speaks fluent Jack O’Neill.” 

Jack just nodded.  He set the tall vase down on a bare corner of the desk and carried the pot over to an end table beside Daniel’s sofa. 

Taking a seat there, Jack sat with his knees together, leaning forward on them and waiting for Daniel to begin.  He was trembling inside, and he clutched his hands together in a desperate effort to control his sweating palms and cold, shaking fingers. 

“I think I’m ready to talk,” Daniel said from behind the desk.  “I think I need to know why.” 

Jack’s eyes rolled slowly closed, and he nodded. 

“Soon,” he said hoarsely, his throat constricting.  “I just can’t… not yet. I’m still going through something. Seeing a counselor. Can you give me some time?” 

He opened his eyes, searching Daniel’s impassive, yet kind, expression. 

“Sure.  I can wait.  That’s what friends do,” Daniel assured him, nodding. 

His expression turned solemn.  “Jack, I’ve been… really worried about you.  Are you okay?” 

Sitting back against the sofa, Jack let out a long, heavy breath, his gaze on the floor, guarding his heart from the beauty and concern in that familiar, beloved face. 

“No, Daniel.  I haven’t been okay for a very long time, but I hope… I hope I’m going to be.” 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” 

Jack’s eyes flew up to meet Daniel’s.  Hot tears filled them and were blinked away. 

That gentle gesture of friendship and caring was Jack’s absolute undoing. 

He sat up stiffly, his body quivering, his mind already running out the door.  He forgot how to make his feet obey him and glanced down at his hands on his knees, his legs shifting around restlessly.  His hands curled into fists and he bowed his head, squeezing his eyes shut, desperately trying to hold everything inside him.  

His head hurt.  His heart felt as if it were being ripped out of his chest.  Emotions raged and swirled inside him, taking his breath away, blasting through his mind and stripping away his ability to think. 

Jack banged his fists against his head, rocking himself back and forth, back and forth, gasping through clenched teeth bared in distress. 

He bent over, hugging his knees, frantically trying to get a grip. 

He was having a fucking full blown meltdown, right there in Daniel’s office, and was powerless to stop it. 

“Hey, hey, Jack!  What is it?  What’s wrong?  What did I do?”  Daniel was suddenly sitting beside him, his arm around Jack’s shoulders, pulling him close.  

God, he was _losing_ it! Daniel’s nearness and compassion blasting away all the protective walls he’d thrown up around himself, their relationship, and his love for Daniel.  

He grabbed onto Daniel, holding onto him like the lifeline he was, just as the last of Jack’s resistance shattered. 

For the first time, Jack began to cry.  Tears coursed down his face, soaking Daniel’s shirt, sobs ripping their way out of his throat.  His whole body shook as he wept.    

Strong arms were wrapped tightly around him, holding him close, rocking him, that deep, soft voice whispering in his ear. 

“S’okay, Jack.  I’m here. I’m here, and I won’t leave you.  You’re gonna be all right. I promise.  I’ll keep you safe.” 

As he listened to Daniel’s soothing voice, he shut everything else out, anchoring his soul to those words and the strong, sympathetic arms around him, the hand cradling the back of his head. 

 Only _Daniel_ could do this, could pull him back from the darkness that had been dominating his soul. 

From the early days of their friendship, Jack had clung to him emotionally, sure of the power of Daniel’s gentle strength.  Daniel was the stuff of life to him, every good and bright thing in Jack’s universe. 

He was the sun and Jack was the garden, living in his light, drinking him in, worshipping him, heart and soul.   

At last the tide of Jack’s emotions crested and began to ebb, leaving him exhausted and vulnerable.  When he could breathe, when he could manage to open his eyes again, he pulled back, heedless of the tears still rolling down his cheeks, and Daniel slowly let him go. 

Jack collapsed into the sofa and let his head fall back. 

He pressed his palms to his face to rub his aching eyes and just concentrated on breathing, gathering himself back into the confines of his body.   

Daniel was quiet, seeming to be waiting for whatever might happen next. 

“You are, by far, the finest man I’ve ever known, Daniel Jackson,” Jack whispered hoarsely when he could make his voice work again.

He let his hands drop into his lap and raised his head, not daring to look at the man sitting at his side. 

“Jack, if you need me…” 

“I know, Daniel.  I know.”  He patted Daniel’s knee, then jerked his hand away as soon as he realized he was doing it.  “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay, Jack.  We’re friends,” Daniel assured him, laying his hand gently on Jack’s knee and leaving it there.  "We'll always be friends." 

Jack got up off the sofa and glanced over at the geranium, searching for some safe conversational territory where he could talk to this man who meant so much to him. 

“You might want to get a full spectrum grow light for that. It’ll die down here in the dark.” 

He brushed over the leaves with his fingertips and then brought them to his nose, sniffing at their delicate scent.  

“It’s _yours_ , Jack,” Daniel countered.  “I suck at taking care of things.  Hell, I suck at taking care of _me._   You have to watch over it, so it’ll thrive.”   

Daniel handed the plants back to him.  “You needed the flowers, so you’d _know._ So you’d understand _.”_  

Jack remembered that night, long ago, when he had tried so hard to tell Daniel what was going on inside him, and failed miserably. 

Daniel was repeating his words back to him, reminding him that this sort of thing didn’t come easily to either of them. 

“Thank you, Daniel,” Jack murmured.

He turned slightly and spoke to Daniel’s boots, too self-conscious to meet his eyes. “I’ll… I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.  Okay?” 

Daniel stood up and moved right in front of him. 

Jack stared at the middle button on his jacket. 

“Look at me, Jack.” 

“Can’t. Don’t ask for that.  Not yet.  Feelin’ kinda fragile here.” 

Daniel’s voice was incredibly gentle.  “Okay.” 

He patted Jack on the shoulder, his hand rubbing slowly up and down his upper arm.  “Call me when you’re ready.  Meanwhile, we’ve still got business to discuss, so whenever you’re ready to deal with that, just let me know.  I’ll be waiting.” 

Jack nodded and walked out of the room, stopping by his office long enough to drop off the plants before heading topside for a breath of fresh air. 

It was raining when he got to the mouth of the tunnel, but he didn’t notice. 

He walked right out into it and was halfway down the road before he realized he was in the middle of a downpour. 

He looked down at himself and remembered he was still in his fatigues, but didn’t want to go back inside the mountain just yet.  

He wandered back toward the mouth of the tunnel and just stood there, looking out at the wet landscape covered with concrete, cars and buildings, Colorado Springs looming up in the distance. 

Water ran in rivulets into his ears and eyes, dripping off his nose and lips and chin, but he didn’t care.  He was soaked to the bone and starting to get a little cold, but he felt good, more alive than he had in weeks. 

All because Daniel Jackson had reached out to him, speaking his secret, sacred language. 

Daniel had touched him, held him, and once more called him friend.     

It would be enough.  He simply couldn’t ask for more.  Nothing else was necessary.

 

* * *

 

 

That night, in the growing dusk, Jack stood at his living room windows for a long time, watching the rain splatter down on his hard, unforgiving garden of stone. 

This was a place of mourning now, a mute testimony to loss, grief and regret, colorless and barren, as he had needed it to be.   

Here he could bask in the silence and find rest in the peace of the dead. 

His house had become the graveyard of his soul.  

Only now, in this mausoleum he had created, could he bear to lay himself down to sleep. 

Echoes of the laughter of his Iraqi captors still taunted him and pulled him from his dreams, but without the colors of the garden, along with the medals and other citations that had once adorned his mantle, he had felt he could maintain his fragile hold on his sanity for a little longer.  

Jack had been painfully aware that he’d been slipping into a place from which there might never be a return, but now, tonight, for the first time in weeks, he had hope. 

Daniel had sent him a coded message.  He was talking to him, and had accepted him as a friend again.  And maybe most importantly of all, Jack had finally connected with a counselor and had chosen to face the shame and humiliation of his past and start to deal with it.   

He’d been able to release some of his anguish in the arms of the man he loved.  He hated that he’d broken down like that in front of Daniel, but it had done Jack good, in the end.  He felt better for it and knew that maybe it would help Daniel understand him better. 

He’d had to face what had happened to him so long ago and deal with it once and for all, or, in the end, it might’ve killed him, and he didn’t want that. 

 As miserable as he’d been since he’d betrayed Daniel, Jack had never really wanted to die. 

Not so much because he wanted to go on, but because his death would have hurt Daniel even more than he’d already done, and Jack couldn’t have that. 

He’d started getting his act together, because he didn’t want Daniel to be in pain anymore.  Jack had made him suffer enough and couldn’t bear to be the cause of adding to it.  That Daniel still cared for him was testament to the magnificent person he was, and partly why Jack had fallen in love with him in the first place. 

He would do whatever Daniel needed him to do, because Daniel was the most important thing in his universe.  Jack already knew Daniel would forgive him, once he understood, but O’Neill was afraid that what he’d done to him made it impossible for the bridges they had burned to ever be rebuilt.  

All they could ever be was friends, because Jack wouldn’t risk Daniel’s heart again. 

He couldn’t. 

Daniel would just have to understand the limits Jack intended to set, the boundaries they couldn’t afford to cross. 

That was the way it had to be, and he was okay with that now. 

When his poor, battered knees reminded him he’d been standing in one spot for too long, he left the living room and went into the back of the house to begin getting ready for be

* * *

 

 

**20 May**

**Five Days Later**  

Daniel stood on the front porch, staring at Jack standing in the open doorway. 

He was so nervous, he had no idea what to say.

Jack just stared at him, as if he couldn’t believe he was really there. 

For almost a week, they’d been dancing around each other, neither one sure what to say or do, and now Jack had called him and invited him over to talk. 

“May I come in?”  Daniel asked finally. 

“Oh.  Yeah.  Sorry.  Kinda nervous, here.” 

He stepped aside and let Daniel in, then closed the door behind him.  “Wanna beer?  No, you don’t like beer.  That’s right.  _Wine._   You like wine.  Want some wine?” 

Daniel couldn’t smile, as amusing as it was to hear Jack first talking to himself, his voice low, then getting louder when he addressed Daniel directly. 

 It was too easy to understand that Jack was just scared shitless and didn’t realize he was speaking aloud.  “No, I’m fine, Jack.  Do _you_ want a beer?” 

“No.”  He shook his head.  “Can’t.  On the wagon at the moment.” 

He disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a glass of iced tea.  “Want some tea?” 

He thrust the glass into Daniel’s left hand, then took it back again.  “Oh, sorry, that’s my glass.  I’ll get you one.” 

He padded back into the kitchen. 

“You’re on the wagon?” Daniel repeated, staring after him. 

“Did I say that out loud?”  Jack called back.  “Uh… yeah.  Doctor Stevenson says it’s best for now.” 

He returned with a second glass of tea, which he gave to Daniel and then went to sit in one of the overstuffed chairs facing the sofa, now returned to the living room. 

All the soft furniture had resumed its previous positions, but the walls were still bare.

“Have a seat, Daniel.  Thanks for coming over.”  He hesitated.  “I’m just a little nervous.  Okay, a lot nervous.  Did I say that already?” 

He set his tea on a coaster on the table between them. 

“Yeah, a couple of times.  Um, Jack, are you on medication?” 

“Yeah.  Why?  Am I acting weird?”  Jack's expression was filled with deer-in-the-headlights terror.  “I am, aren’t I?  But it’s not the antidepressants.  It’s this.”  He used one finger, flicking back and forth, to indicate the two of them.  “You and me.  Here.  Talking about.  You know, stuff.  _That.”_  

Jack rubbed his palms on his thighs, back and forth, back and forth.  “Us.” 

“It’s okay, Jack.  I’m scared, too.”  Daniel sat down on the sofa and placed his glass on another coaster on the table.  “This is a big step for us.” 

“I know.  I know.  I’ve spent most of the last week trying to figure out how to do this, and I still don’t have a starting point.  I have no idea where to begin, Daniel.” 

“The beginning is usually a good place to start.” 

Daniel felt his own insides quivering, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen Jack so spooked.  “Just take a deep breath and start talking to me, about anything you want. We’ll get there eventually.  Okay?” 

“Okay.”  Jack got up and started pacing the living room, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“Sit down, Jack,” Daniel suggested quietly.  “Let’s start with talking about work.” 

Obediently, Jack sat back down.  He stared at his tea on the table and started rubbing his thighs again.  He licked at his lips but couldn’t seem to make any words come out. 

Daniel took the lead.  “I’ve narrowed down the list of potential academics and think we should go visit them sometime in the next couple of weeks.  Can you fit a four-day trip into your schedule?” 

He saw those beautiful brown eyes begin to focus, to actually _see_ the glass of tea as the wheels began to turn in Jack’s mind.   

“Well, let’s see,” Jack murmured.  “I’m leaving tomorrow for DC, to do more of the annual ass-kissing of politicians and sycophants to get their support for another year.  I’ll be gone for five days.  When I get back, I’ll need a couple days to sort through paperwork that’ll be piling up while I’m gone.  Then maybe a day off to relax…” his voice trailed off. 

“How about if we schedule the trip for the interviews around Memorial Day weekend and just take the extra day at the hotel to do nothing?  I’ll even spring for the rooms for the extra day. 

“Would you like that?  I would.  It’ll be good to see someplace other than the Springs for a few days. I miss all the ‘gate travel we used to do.” 

Daniel gazed wistfully out the window at the barren yard.  He was missing a _lot_ of things, truth be told. 

“We?”  Jack swallowed hard, his voice a high-pitched, freaked-out little squeak.  “As in, you, me and who else?” 

“Just us. Representatives of our various departments. In separate rooms, you understand.” 

Jack nodded.  “I’d insist on that.” 

He took a deep breath and let it out noisily.  “Yeah.  Okay.  I guess we could do that over the holiday weekend.” 

He leaned forward, elbows on knees.   “So, are you seeing anybody?  You should, you know.  You’ve got a chance to have a life now.” 

The abrupt about face in topic startled Daniel for a moment.  He could see in Jack’s eyes that he was still just short of panic, and guessed that the shift was more from Jack not knowing what to say than leading the conversation in any particular direction. 

Daniel shook his head.  

“Not interested in dating. How’s it going with your girlfriend?” 

He didn’t really want to know and looked out the window, preparing to tune the answer out. 

“Don’t have one,” Jack’s face reddened.  He took a huge breath, and when he spoke again, his words were slower, huskier, tinted with deeper emotion and less fear. 

This was territory where Jack seemed more surefooted.  “I broke it off with her the instant I knew you’d left me.  But she was never my girlfriend, Daniel.  I -- I used her.  I was a real bastard to her.  I never should have been with her in the first place.  I just--”  

Daniel turned his head, staring into Jack’s face, shocked at the honesty and raw emotion of the words. 

 _This_ is what he should have let Jack tell him weeks ago. 

The truth, as Jack knew it, at last.   

Jack’s gaze dropped to the floor.  His voice got deeper, rougher.  “You want to know why.  I understand that.” 

He swallowed hard.  “It wasn’t  _you_ , Daniel. It wasn’t because of anything you did or didn’t do.  It was a selfish, stupid fling, but it was never about _you_.” 

He got up and put his back to Daniel, looking out the window, hand worrying at the back of his neck again. 

“It was just me, trying to convince myself that I was still—“ His voice broke.  His hand swiped nervously over his short hair.  “Still a man.”  

 _“What?”_   Daniel was incredulous.  He stood up. His mouth fell open in disbelief.  “Still a _man?”_

Daniel’s mind flip-flopped inside his skull, trying to determine if he could believe what he thought he’d just heard.

He stared at the back of Jack’s head.

 _“_ What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean?  I don’t know anybody --  I’ve never known anyone who --“  He gave an exasperated little sigh, hands flailing. 

“Of _course_ you're still a man!  What, did you think because you were in love with me that made you less of a _man?”_  

Jack lowered his chin almost to his chest, eyes closed. 

“There was more to it than just being with you, Daniel,” he added, his voice going very soft, wispy and reedy and hard to hear.  

“Then tell me, Jack,” Daniel said gently. 

He stepped around the coffee table, moving up a little behind and beside him.  He leaned on his cane, listening.  “I really want to understand.”  

“There was stuff that happened to me that I never told anyone about.  Shit that happened a long time ago.”  He sniffed a little, shaking his head.  “In that hellhole I was in, in Iraq.” 

“When you were a POW?”  Daniel guessed. 

Jack nodded, looking out the window.  “I was injured when they brought me into the camp.  I guess they didn’t expect me to live.” 

He shrugged. “Didn’t get any medical care. Everybody had to fight for what food they gave us, but I guess I was too mean or stubborn or stupid to die.” 

Daniel had never heard Jack talk about this. 

He’d known that Jack had spent four months in that camp and that he’d escaped, rather than been rescued. 

Knowing what he did about certain Middle Eastern factions and their attitude toward Americans, Daniel imagined Jack’s treatment as a military officer had probably been spectacularly harsh. 

“They started trying to get information out of me, but I was in such bad shape I couldn’t even talk, so they just threw me in with a bunch of Kurdish rebels.  Somebody in there started taking care of me, one of the old men.  I was pretty tough in those days, in real good shape.  So I got better.  Started healing up.” 

Instinctively, Daniel reached out to touch him, settling his hand lightly on Jack’s shoulder, rubbing his fingertips in small, slow circles, trying to comfort him. 

He fixed his worried gaze on Jack’s stony profile. 

Without looking at him, Jack moved out from under Daniel’s hand, his gaze fixed somewhere out in the distance, through the windows. 

“Then one of the guards noticed I was recovering and told the officer in charge, so they started questioning me again.” 

Jack’s voice grew stronger, but it was flat, devoid of emotion.  Nothing registered in his face or eyes, either, not a flicker of anything. 

“When I wouldn’t talk, they decided to torture me.  When I still wouldn’t cooperate, they decided humiliation might get some results.” 

He grew quiet for a moment.  He swallowed hard.  “So the guards.  They took turns.”  

He swallowed again, his voice deepening with shame. “Using me.” 

Jack reached out with one hand to steady himself on the window frame, closing his eyes and speaking just above a whisper.  “They r-raped me.  Over and over. For nearly two months.”   

“Oh, my God.”  Daniel closed his eyes. 

He backed up and sat down hard on the coffee table, sloshing some of Jack’s tea onto the wood.  He ignored it, staring at the floor between his feet, his imagination supplying images of Jack being repeatedly savaged by Iraqi soldiers. 

“They called me _kosoo_ ,” Jack went on in a soft, disconnected, matter-of-fact voice. 

Daniel knew what that word meant. 

It was derogatory Arabic slang for a horny whore, someone who couldn’t get enough fucking. 

His guts clenched.  Tears filled his eyes.  He took off his glasses and laid them aside, then sat very still and listened as his tears overflowed and spilled unheeded down his face. 

He wept without making a sound, afraid to interrupt the flow of brutal honesty, his heart breaking with every word.   

 _Jack._    

“It didn’t happen every day,” Jack assured his friend.  “I’ll spare you the gory details and all the other names they called me.  Didn’t learn much Arabic, but those words I know, and I understand what they mean.  If I live to be a hundred, I’ll never forget them.”  

He sighed and ran a shaky hand through his close-cropped hair. 

“As soon as I was well enough, by some miracle, I was able to break out of there.  I made my way to the nearest American military base.  They checked me over, treated me for gonorrhea and syphilis and some… minor tearing, in addition to my other injuries.  The docs knew what had happened to me, so it’s all in my medical history, but it’s nothing anyone but Fraiser’s ever seen, and she still doesn’t know all the details.” 

He hesitated, glancing down at the floor, then back out the windows. “Nobody did, till I finally talked about it last week with Doctor Stevenson.  She’s a counselor who specializes in rape.” 

Daniel wrapped his arms around himself and started to cry harder, rocking back and forth, sobbing softly, and sniffling.  He couldn’t help it.  The cool, impassive way that Jack had spoken the word “rape” had gone through him like a knife and laid him wide open, all the way to the soul. 

Jack turned around and sat down in the chair across from him. 

He put his hands on Daniel’s face and lifted it to look into his eyes. 

“Oh, Danny.  You didn’t know,” said Jack softly, his voice filled with sympathy and compassion.  “You _couldn’t_ have known, because I couldn’t tell you.  Once we started --  Well, once we started making love in _that_ way, and I started having all those problems, the nightmares and stuff, I didn’t want you to know, because I didn’t want you to pity me.” 

“Pity you?”  Daniel cried out from the depths of his wrecked soul.  “God, Jack!  I fu— How could you let me touch you _like that_ after what they did to you?  _How?”_

Daniel blinked to clear his eyes, his heart hurting so much he thought it might explode.   

For just a second, the old Jack he loved smiled at him, his face radiant for a moment before sorrow and shame slipped in to cover it up. 

“Because I love you, Daniel,” he said quietly, his voice breaking. 

Tears filled Jack’s eyes and rolled silently down his face.  “I would have given you _anything_ you wanted.  I gave you everything I had.  Everything I was, because I wanted to.  It was my gift to you. To us. For us.” 

“Oh, my God!”  Daniel cried. 

He bent over, sobbing in agony, his hands over his face, lowered almost to his knees. 

“I’m so sorry, Jack,” he moaned. 

He couldn’t breathe, his whole body an enormous mass of raw nerve endings. 

He felt like he’d been hit in the heart with a zat.

What Jack had given him after what he had gone through in that prison camp – It was sacrificial love the like of which Daniel had never seen, all for him. 

He didn’t deserve that, not after how he had treated Jack when he needed him most. 

He couldn’t love Jack enough to make up for his cruel abandonment, but he was damn sure going to try. 

Jack scooted up in his chair so that they were knee to knee.  He reached out a hand and began stroking Daniel’s hair at the back of his head. 

“Shhh.  S’okay, babe,” he murmured gently.  “Don’t cry.  You didn’t know.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  I _wanted_ you to make love to me like that.”

He sniffed and wiped at his own tears.  “That’s part of the problem, don’t you see?  What happened in Iraq, it was a terrible thing.  It was a violation, but it was something even worse than that.  I felt--”  

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, using it to tenderly wipe Daniel’s cheeks.   

Without thinking, Daniel reached up and took it from Jack, using it to dab at his eyes and nose. 

Jack swallowed hard. 

“There’s more, Daniel.” 

He stroked his hand through Daniel’s hair. 

Daniel sat up, wiping at his face, wondering how the hell Jack’s confession could get any worse. 

What had happened to him was one of the very worst things Daniel could imagine, one of his deepest fears made real. 

 Jack had endured it, and somehow, he had survived. 

Daniel watched as Jack got up and walked over to the windows, putting his back to the sofa. 

“After a while, they started calling me _inta sharmoot_ , a male prostitute.  I was ashamed, because every time they --  It was my --  my body betrayed me.  Imagine the most terrible thing you can think of happening to you, and then you have—“ 

He hesitated, swallowing convulsively.   

He wiped at his nose and took a deep breath.  “I. I, uh. I had an orgasm, every time they did it,” Jack said in a dry, impassionate voice. 

Daniel bent over as if he’d been sucker-punched.  He gasped, covering his eyes with the handkerchief and struggling to breathe. 

“Oh, God,” he whispered, his imagination filling in the blanks, putting himself inside Jack’s tale and trying to imagine enduring the shame of his own body’s betrayal added to the violation of violent rape.  “Oh, Jack.” 

His brain hurt.  His heart felt like he’d been stabbed in it. 

There _was_ very little worse than what Jack had been through.  

Jack sniffed and got up, murmuring, “Be right back. Gonna get us some Kleenex.”   

Sitting down again across from Daniel, he pulled out a handful of tissues, handing over some to Daniel, keeping some for himself.

“They had to fight me down every time, but whenever they’d go for my pants, I’d get a hard-on, and I hated myself for it.  Hated what they were doing to me, how it made me feel.  They saw me come, so they knew.  I think _that_ was the worst thing; that they knew I came.  And laughed at me because of it.  Every fuckin’ time.” 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Daniel sniffled, blowing his nose.  “Oh, God, Jack, don’t blame yourself for that.  You couldn’t help it.” 

“Doctor Stevenson has explained the mechanics behind it,” Jack assured him, his voice hollow and haunted.  “I know now that it was a purely physical response.  She told me that it happens sometimes to women who are raped, too.  And it’s always worse for the ones who have that happen, because there’s this extra load of guilt heaped on top of all the other bad shit you never get over.  It really messes with your head.” 

He laughed a little, harshly, with a note of hysteria to it.  “I was a wreck for a long time after Iraq.  Never did get my head back on straight, just kept shoving the memories down into a deep dark hole somewhere.  But I think I might be headed in the right direction now.  I trust Doc Stevenson.  She’s good.  She’s helping me.  And you’re helping by being here for me and listening to me right now.” 

Daniel could see Jack’s profile, his suffering clear as day now. 

The magnitude of Jack’s anguish all but crushed him. 

All the rage and betrayal Daniel had once felt was gone, vanished in the light of this horrific revelation. 

“I went to bed with… Kathy because I needed to know I was still a man,” Jack continued.  “The doctor said I was still thinking in heterosexual terms, trying to prove to myself that I wasn't…”

Jack sighed, his shoulders sagging.  “I _loved_ what we did together, Danny. Loved having you inside me. Maybe I loved it too much.” 

He turned around and looked down at Daniel, still sitting on the coffee table, a gleam of panic in his eyes.  “I knew before we ever touched the first time that I’d enjoy it. I knew it would be different with you, because we loved each other, and it _was_ different.  Oh, Daniel, it _was_!  Please believe that.” 

He turned back to the window, his voice soft and distant again.  “I couldn’t get enough of you.  Every time I got close to you I wanted—“

He stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets. 

“I started to feel like that’s all I was.  _Inta sharmoot.  Favareh pizi.  Fased.  Kosoo_.  It was _me,_ Daniel. All inside my head. It was never about you at all. It was never _us.”_  

Daniel knew the meaning of every one of those foul Arabic epithets.  His mind was reeling, unable to grasp the enormity of Jack’s suffering.  And he had unknowingly added to it, mercilessly absorbed with his own pain, when Jack had needed him the most. 

Daniel didn’t think he’d ever felt so utterly exhausted and drained, or so thoroughly ashamed of himself.  He sat on the table, his body slumped across his thighs, arms wrapped around his waist. He struggled to sit up, still staring at the floor. 

He hadn’t understood why Jack had cheated on him.  He hadn’t listened when Jack had tried to offer an explanation, hadn’t asked Jack anything. 

He’d just made up his mind and closed Jack out of his heart, not caring that his lover was in agony.  Jack’s response had been to shut down, seal himself away, divest himself of everything that had meant anything to him except the job.

 Daniel was surprised Jack hadn’t just resigned and walked away, or put a bullet in his brain. 

But the more Daniel thought about it, the more he believed _the job_ was part of the punishment. 

This was the Torment of Tantalus, all over again. 

Jack could see what he most desired, what he most loved and needed, close at hand every day, but forever out of reach. 

Daniel had innocently embraced that punishment, too, offering nothing but aloof coldness whenever Jack looked his way. 

For far too long, a small part of Daniel had celebrated Jack’s suffering, even reveled in it.  He had gloated privately when he had seen what Jack was doing to himself, until he finally realized just how deep that punishment went. 

Now he saw everything in a completely different light.  Jack had been dying by degrees right in front of him.  The light had gone out of him months ago, leaving nothing but a soulless shell in its wake.  If Daniel didn’t do something, he was afraid that Jack’s luck would run out all too soon, and he really _would_ die.  He’d find a way to off himself, counseling or not. 

 The human mind had a funny way of convincing itself of things that weren’t always good or right or logical, and patterning reality to carry out hidden agendas. 

That had been what brought Jack to Abydos the first time. 

Only now, it wasn’t guilt over the loss of his son that was driving him to ruin; it was guilt over the loss of love, of his own self-respect. 

A life sentence, Jack had called it. 

Someone was going to have to break down those prison walls, and the only person who could was Daniel Jackson, but he had issues of his own to address. 

He’d kept secrets of his own well hidden during his time as Jack’s lover, and now Jack’s honesty had convicted Daniel that the time for truth-telling and seeking help for himself had come. 

Then maybe he could help Jack with his own recovery. 

And just maybe, if they were lucky, they might find each other again, refined, molded, and tempered from the fires of the hell they’d passed through… together. 

Daniel sat up slowly, his shoulders slumped, and started aimlessly wadding up the snotty, tear-soaked tissues in his hands, unable to lift his gaze from them. 

“Jack, I--” 

He sat down in the chair across from Daniel and reached out to stroke Daniel’s knee. 

“What happened between us was good, Daniel,” he said quietly.  “I’m not sorry for a minute of it.  Please don’t feel guilty about _any_ of it.  Okay?” 

“That’s kind of… impossible,” Daniel admitted honestly.  He took a deep breath and let it out quickly.  “Could I… could I get Doctor Stevenson’s number?  I think maybe I ought to make an appointment with her, too.” 

Jack didn’t seem surprised.  “Because of what happened to you?” 

Daniel risked a glance at his face and saw only kindness, concern, and brilliant love looking back at him.  “Yeah.”  He searched Jack’s face, absorbing the caring there.  “You knew, didn’t you?”

He got up and went to sit on the sofa, patting the cushions beside him.

“C’mere and sit with me.   S’my turn to unload now.” 

“Are you sure?  You don’t have to,” Jack assured him. 

He rose and sat down some distance away from Daniel. 

“I thought…  I always hoped you’d share your story with me when you were ready, but you don’t have to tell me about it.  And yeah, I did know there was something you couldn’t talk about.  You don’t have to do it now, just because I did.” 

Daniel scooted over and held his arms out to Jack, ignoring the escape route he was being given. 

“Hold me while I talk, would you?” he asked in a very small, shaky voice.  “I’m ready now.  I think I need to do this, and you need to know what happened to me.” 

Jack obeyed, pulling Daniel’s head under his chin and enfolding him in a tender embrace. 

 It felt so good in the midst of his misery that, for a moment, Daniel just enjoyed the closeness, the sanctuary of Jack’s arms around him. 

They had both been too long without the comfort of one another. 

“My first semester in college was at NYU,” Daniel began, closing his eyes and turning his face into Jack’s shirt collar.  “I was sixteen, full of piss and vinegar, arrogant as hell, thought I knew everything.  My roommate was also a freshman, but he was eighteen, an adult, and he knew a lot more about life than I did.  When… _things_ … started to happen, I had no clue what was going on.  I’d wake up late for classes, couldn’t sit down without pain, and didn’t remember getting into bed the night before.” 

Jack’s hands stroked him, caressing his hair and his arm, comforting him.  He put a small kiss in Daniel’s hair and ran his lips in the soft strands, inhaling Daniel’s scent. 

“There wasn’t a regular pattern to any of it, so I just tried to shrug it off, kept studying and hoped it would go away.”  He sighed.  “My son-of-a-bitch roommate started to get complacent about covering his tracks and eventually, one night after he’d drugged me and fucked me in my sleep, he conked out in my bed.  When I woke up the next morning, there we were -- in my bed, both of us, naked and stinking of sex.” 

“What was his name?”  Jack’s voice was calm and casual, with the faintest sharp edge to it. 

“I’m not gonna tell you, Jack, and I don’t want you looking him up because I know what you’ll do,” Daniel shot back. “Promise me you won’t go after him.” 

His fingers toyed with the buttons down the front of Jack’s shirt, and he watched them move, unable to look up into his former lover’s face. 

Jack’s embrace tightened about him protectively. 

“Promise me, goddamn it!” Daniel growled. 

He pulled out of Jack’s grasp and made eye contact. 

 _“Promise_ me, Jack.” 

Eyes narrowed with anger, through gritted teeth, Jack answered, “If that’s what you want.” 

“That’s a promise I intend to hold you to,” Daniel declared firmly. 

“Did he do time for what he did to you?”  Jack’s voice was brittle, icy, dangerous. 

Daniel shook his head.  “I saw the campus doctor afterward to get tested for STDs, but when she pressed me to report what happened to the police I couldn’t. I know now that I should have, but I was just a scared, stupid kid who didn’t know any better. I transferred to Chicago as soon as I could and never slept in the same room as that guy again.” 

Jack swallowed hard.  His right hand came up and touched Daniel’s cheek. 

 Now his eyes were warm and liquid, filled with unspeakable anguish.  “Do you remember any of it?” 

“No.  Just waking up with him spooned up behind me with his morning hard-on and knowing instinctively what he’d done to me.” 

Daniel’s body had confirmed that, and so had the test results, still locked away in a safety deposit box at his bank.

"Sometimes I think not knowing is worse than if I'd remembered it all." 

Jack’s eyes closed in relief.  “No, not remembering _is_ a blessing, Daniel.  Trust me on that.” 

He eased away,  got up and went into his office, returning a moment later with a small white business card.

“This is Doc Stevenson’s number.  You call her first thing, okay?” 

“I will.”  Daniel took the card and put it into the back pocket of his jeans.  He watched Jack sit down in the chair across from him again and begin mopping up the tea Daniel had spilled earlier with a couple of tissues.    

“Jack, I understand now.  About.  You know, _her._   I want you to know that I forgive you, and I’m sorry I acted like such an ass.” 

Jack nodded, but didn’t look up.  “I expected you might, because that’s just the kind of guy you are. Doesn’t change anything, though. I’m a fucked up asshole, and I don’t deserve you.” 

“Well, that’s pretty harsh.  And don’t you think that ought to be _my_ decision?” 

 “No.  I blew my chance at happiness.”  Jack shook his head. 

Slowly, he raised his gaze to meet his friend’s.  “You deserve way better than me.  Take some advice, Daniel.  Next time, don’t pick such a loser.” 

“There won’t _be_ a next time, Jack,” Daniel assured him.  “It’s either you or no one.  You’re the one I love.  I don’t want anybody else, and I never will.”   

He stood up, took a sip of his tea, and carried the glass into the kitchen. 

When he came back, he informed Jack how it was going to be between them. 

“So I guess if you’re intent on carrying out this life sentence, you ought to plan on pushing over and making room for my cell right next to yours.” 

He glanced over at the almost bare mantel.  “I miss seeing your stuff.  I miss the garden.  And most of all, I miss being here with you.” 

He headed for the front door.  Pausing, he glanced back at O’Neill, who was again staring at the floor.  “Thanks, Jack.  We were long overdue to clear the air.  I feel a lot better now, and I hope you do, too.  I’ll call Doctor Stevenson tomorrow.  See you at work.” 

Jack didn’t follow him outside, and Daniel didn’t look back. 

He didn’t need to, because he knew where Jack would be, sitting right where he left him, thinking about all they had shared, all they had lost and all they needed to regain.  

It would take Jack some time, but Daniel hoped that eventually the barren ground of his soul would loosen and new life would sprout up, reaching for the sun of their shared love. 

The seeds had already been planted, and Daniel simply had to figure out how to water them and make them grow. 

Perhaps their tears had been a good start. 

The garden of stone was about to undergo a transformation, and even though he didn’t know a thing about plants, Daniel Jackson was about to learn. 

And when he set his mind to something, he _always_ found a way. 

FIN


	4. The Snowfire Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Daniel take their time working out their fractured relationship. The scars from their past are not easy to heal, but when they find the missing element to Jack's garden, they finally begin to feel complete again.

**21 May**

**The Next Day**  

Jack unlocked the door to his Washington, DC hotel room and stepped inside.

Instantly he was aware that he was not alone, something about the feel of the room not quite right.

A shadow in the bathroom looked out of place; that was it. 

He stepped back out into the hall and called into the room, “Show yourself.” 

A man in a light blue polo shirt, navy blazer and dark slacks moved slowly into view from the bathroom.  He was a little younger than Jack, not so much silver in his hair, with a bulldog-square jaw and intense gray eyes. 

“Long time, Wolfman.”  He glanced up at Jack’s short buzz cut. “I see you’re looking the part more these days, old man.” He chuckled. “But you’re still on your toes. That’s good. I expected you would be.” 

Jack grinned and came into the room, opening his arms wide, and hugged his old friend, clapping him on the back.  “Sorenson, you asshole! How ya been?” He closed and locked the door. “What’s it been, ten years? Twelve?” 

“Nine and a half,” Sorenson corrected. “Heard you were into some top secret shit before you retired. Pushing papers now for some program that’s not really there.”

He followed Jack into the living area and took a seat on the sofa. “I swept the room already, if you’re thinking that direction. Which I know you are.” 

With a shrug, Jack stowed his suitcase in the closet. “Still can’t talk about it. That’s not why I asked you here, anyway, Chad. I wanted to call in a favor.” 

“Anything for you, Jack. You know that.” Sorenson’s smile faded and his eyes grew guarded. “Big or small favor?” 

“Small one for the moment,” Jack answered, his insides tensing up.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this.

He wasn’t _exactly_ breaking his promise to Daniel. Just sort of.

“Maybe a bigger one later. Depends.”   

He reached into the pocket of his black leather coat and pulled out a single sheet of paper, folded into quarters. “Need you to do some backtracking. Records I’m interested in will be at NYU the semester before this guy started at the U of Chicago.  I want the name of his roommate at NYU, and I wanna know where that guy is now.”   

“And when I find him?” 

Jack shrugged again. “I wanna know who he is, if he’s still alive.  What his life is like. What he has to lose. Then I’ll decide.” 

Chad Sorenson took the paper, unfolded it and scanned the first page printout of Daniel’s personnel record from the SGC, with Daniel’s social security number and academic history.

Sorenson nodded. “You could pick up the phone and have the answers to all of that in a couple of hours, Jack.” 

He rolled his cool, knowing gray gaze up to his old friend, questioning without saying a word. 

“No, I can’t. I promised I wouldn’t. But _you_ can, and I need to know what fate delivered to this guy’s doorstep. I need to know where he landed, if he’s still out there.”

Jack had been through dozens of fantasies, all of which ended with him delivering justice in the name of Daniel Jackson to that faceless man, preferably with Jack’s own bare hands, but he knew he would never have that satisfaction. 

He had promised that to Daniel, and he would keep his word. 

In this case, vengeance wasn’t something he could extract personally. 

But Jack had friends like Chad Sorenson who would be more than happy to do it for him. And if Chad couldn’t take the risk himself, he and Jack knew scores of others who would. 

There was satisfaction to be had, if Daniel’s rapist were still alive and had anything worth losing. 

And if not, then Jack’s conscience would be spotless, but he would also have the satisfaction of knowing the details. 

Maybe karma had already gotten to the nameless, faceless man. 

Or maybe karma had an instrument in mind, by the name of Jack O’Neill. 

He just had to know for sure.

For both Daniel and himself. 

Chad stood up and tucked the paper into an inner pocket of his blazer. “How long you gonna be in town, Wolfman?”   

“Five days. Flying out on the 26th.”  

“Then maybe we can squeeze in a lunch date in a day or two. I’ll call you.” 

“Yeah. We can reminisce about all that stuff we did together that didn’t happen and that we can’t talk about.” He grinned.

Sorenson had been his right-hand man during all of the last work he did in Special Ops. They’d been close, and Sorenson would have died for him in a heartbeat. That went both ways, and there weren’t many people on the planet Jack felt that way about. 

“Anytime, buddy.” Chad gathered him into his arms for a brief, hard hug, and slapped his back soundly. “See ya in a couple days.” 

“Thanks, Chad.”

Jack let his old friend out and locked up after him, his mind turning back to the mission years back that had gone so horribly wrong, when Jack had disobeyed direct orders to leave Sorenson behind and get his team to safety.

He’d gone back alone, risking his life and his career, to save his friend and teammate while the rest of his company followed orders and covered for him. That wasn’t the sort of thing people ever forgot, and Jack knew he could count on Sorenson for anything, just as Chad knew Jack was there for him, and always would be.  

Jack unpacked, his thoughts moving on to more recent relationships.

 He headed downstairs to the hotel restaurant for dinner, wishing he could call Daniel just to wish him a good night.

Things were still too raw between them, too fresh, so he didn’t feel he could do that.  

He settled at a table, made his choice from the menu, then remembered he hadn’t turned his cell phone back on since getting off the airplane an hour earlier.

He pulled it out of his pocket and turned it on, then started to put it back into his pocket when it rang. 

“O’Neill,” he answered curtly. 

“How was your flight?” 

“Daniel!” Jack broke into a smile all over. He tried to calm himself down, but the grin wouldn’t go away. “It was long and boring, but we made it. I was just sitting down to dinner. How are you doing?” 

After a pause and an audible breath exhaled into the mouthpiece of the phone, Daniel answered solemnly, “Saw Doctor Stevenson today.” 

Silence fell between them, and Jack’s smile vanished instantly, his thoughts darkening, filled with the pain they both shared. “How’d that go?”  

“About like you’d expect.” 

Jack picked at a speck of lint on his tablecloth, wishing he could be there to put his arms around Daniel. His voice got deeper and softer. “You okay?” 

“I will be. Thanks for asking.”  Pause.  “I was worried about you last night.  I mean, I think we understand each other a lot better now, but neither one of us is in a very good place at the moment.”  Another pause.  “Anyway, I was thinking about starting a support group.” 

Jack gave a startled little laugh at the idea, and shut it off right away, one hand nervously rubbing at the back of his neck. “Well, if there’s more than two in it, I’ll have to pass.” 

Daniel chuckled softly into the phone. “Yeah, just us, Jack. I think we need each other right now, you know?” 

He thought about that.

“I think we always have, Daniel.”  _I think we always will,_ he thought to himself, too afraid to voice it out loud. 

He missed Daniel so much right then it actually hurt.  

“How about if I pick you up at the airport when you get back?” 

“You don’t have a car.” 

“Remember the motor pool?” 

A soft smile curved his lips. “Okay, then.  Great.  I’d like that.” 

“We could pick up dinner on the way back to your house.” 

Jack almost agreed without thinking, then realized what the inside of his house looked like.

That wasn’t something he wanted Daniel to see. His guest had only been in the living room and foyer when he’d come over the previous night, but if Daniel made himself at home and went into the back rooms, Jack would have a lot of explaining to do. 

He needed to put things back the way they were before he let Daniel in again. 

“Let’s take it slow, Daniel. Just friends, here. Besides, I need to fix the place up a little. I don’t want you seeing it the way it is.” 

“I saw it last night, Jack. And besides, I wasn’t asking you on a date.” Daniel’s tone of voice was obviously slightly cross. “I just thought you might be hungry after a long flight and want to get something to eat on the way home so you wouldn’t have to cook.” 

“I know.  I appreciate that, I really do.  But maybe we can just stop by Steak ‘n’ Shake on the way or something. I’ll call you later with flight times and stuff. And thanks for the offer.” 

“You’re welcome. Hurry home.” 

A pang of homesickness grabbed Jack’s gut. “Bye, Daniel. Take care. Call if you need me.” 

“I will. Night, Jack.” 

As he listened for the line to disconnect, he thought about calling him back just to talk about stupid stuff, just so he could hear Daniel’s voice in his ear for a while longer. 

Jack missed him like crazy, anxious to just go home, but there was business to take care of, and this was part of his job now.  

Slipping the phone into his pocket, he checked out the dining room one more time, locating potential threats and keeping watch on them till his food came.

He ate as fast as possible, paid the check with his credit card and hurried back to his room.  

After a hot shower he slithered between the cool sheets in his hotel bed, turned on the television and settled down to rest, dropping off to sleep to the sound of slap shots and a cheering crowd, images of Daniel Jackson romping naked through his dreams, almost like old times.

 

* * *

 

 

**22 May**

**The Next Day**  

Daniel stood on the sidewalk in front of Jack’s house not long after sunrise the next morning, Jack’s rolled up garden plans in his left hand, cane in his right. 

He studied the gray-haired woman at his side, her face lined and sun-bronzed, her green eyes shrewdly taking in the cleanly swept flower beds filled with rocks and the paved side yard. 

He’d liked her from the moment he’d spoken with her on the phone, and hoped she was as adept at landscaping miracles as he thought she sounded. 

“Think you can do it in three and a half days?” he asked quietly. 

“The hardest part will be clearing away the rocks and the liner underneath,” said Anna Jensen. “That’s gonna take a big crew and quite a bit of time.” 

She paused while her eyes swept over the bleak scene in front of them. 

“Boy, he really went after the place with a vengeance, didn’t he?” 

“Like the devil himself was after him,” Daniel agreed, his heart aching as he stared at the piles of river stones, remembering the carefully trained evergreens that had once thrived there.  

“Let’s have a look at the plans again,” she suggested, her voice grim. 

Daniel handed them over.

 She unrolled them and studied the diagram for a few minutes in the brightening light. Her keen eyes glanced from the paper to the yard and back several times.  She turned and walked around the side of the house onto the field of paving stones, her eyes still moving from the plan in her hands to the property and back. 

“My God, whoever drew this up is a genius,” she breathed. “Given what I know about plants, soil conditions and weather -- which is a lot, I might add – this has to be the most organically stable plan I’ve ever seen. It’s balanced for color and season, and elements are even grouped so that plants more vulnerable to certain types of pests are right next to those the little buggers find offensive. An old farmer’s trick is to plant marigolds with your tomatoes to keep ‘em bug free, and by _God_ , that kind of thought is all over this! Who drew it up? I don’t see a landscape architect’s stamp anywhere.” 

Daniel had just gotten quite an education in the field of horticulture by way of the woman’s admiring remarks. He smiled proudly. “The man who lives here, Jack O’Neill.” 

“He got a degree in this?” Ms. Jensen started rolling the plan back up and slid the rubber band down on it to keep it tight. 

“Not that I know of, but it’s possible. He’s a retired Air Force Colonel, and they have to earn a degree in something before they can get that far in the service.”

Daniel made himself a mental note to ask Jack about that later.   

“Well, tell him if he wants work doing more of this kind of thing,” she waved the roll at Daniel, “I can bring him plenty of business.” 

“I’ll do that.” Daniel couldn’t help smiling. That could be excellent therapy for Jack, if he were interested. “So, what do you think? Can you have it finished by the time his plane lands on the 26th?” 

Jensen looked out at the yard and cocked her head. She studied her wristwatch and pursed her lips thoughtfully, obviously calculating in her head. Then she lifted one eyebrow as she made eye contact. “I’ll have to hire extra laborers and trucks to move the rocks, but if we can get that cleared in twenty four hours, I think we can get it done.”

 She hesitated. “And that’s also provided I can locate all the plants not available locally and have them shipped overnight. Which means it’s going to cost you.” 

“How much?” 

She gave Daniel a ballpark figure.

He nodded and smiled. “More than worth the price,” he assusred her. 

Nodding toward the rear yard, he added, “Come with me. I need to show you a couple of areas that’ll need special attention.”

He led the way over to the waterfall Jack had built the previous summer, now only a dry, ugly pile of rocks at the base of the trees. Beside it, the stones that Jack had specially carved as the bed for the centerpiece flower were now laid out flat in the dirt, all the space in the center area filled in with flagstones. Weeds were starting to sprout around them. 

He described how Jack had them set up originally, then walked with her back into the trees.

Daniel stood in the small clearing, pointing around them with his cane, telling her what he had in mind and asking her advice on whether or not his ideas would work.

They discussed the matter, shook hands, and she gave him a business card for an interior designer who specialized in patios and pool houses. 

The young man stood in the trees, imagining the enclosure Jack had talked about so many times when they were together, his heart in his throat.

This he would do for Jack, because Jack so desperately needed it.

Daniel had been cruel and selfish, albeit unwittingly, and Jack had given his all. 

It was time for him to do the same, and even though it terrified him, Daniel was committed to giving himself completely to his lover, humbled by the depth of Jack’s love and eager to open his soul to the man and hold back nothing, ever again. 

This place would be perfect for that, once Daniel got through with it. 

Jack’s confession had brought more than forgiveness to Daniel’s heart.

Understanding what had motivated Jack’s betrayal of the man he loved had all but erased the affair from Daniel’s mind.

It was nothing more than a bad dream now, and he felt a driving need to patch things up with his lover.  Daniel knew Jack well enough to understand it would take a lot of work on both their parts to get back together. 

Jack would be particularly stubborn about forgiving _himself_ for what he’d done, but Daniel also knew he’d eventually find a way past the walls Jack had put up between them, if he were patient and persistent. 

And no one was more stubborn than Daniel Jackson. He’d made a career out of persuading Jack to follow his lead. It wouldn’t be easy, but the results would be more than worth the time and effort it would take to benevolently bulldoze past Jack’s resistance to absolution.

Rebuilding the garden was the first step in that journey. 

With a big smile on his face, Daniel wandered slowly toward the front of the house, stopping by the deck to write out a check for the landscape contractor.

Ms. Jensen leaned against her truck in the driveway, cell phone pressed to her ear. Already additional trucks and laborers were arriving, and he watched in wonder as the men hopped down off their rides, got their instructions from their boss, and started gathering up the stones from the front beds, loading them up in the back of a huge flatbed truck.   

Daniel smiled, handed over the check and waved goodbye to the woman, got into his borrowed car and headed for the base for a day of fruitful work at the SGC, confident that his surprise gift to Jack was in capable hands.

 

* * *

 

 

**23 May**

**Two Days Later**  

The noon sunshine was bright, even with sunglasses. Jack glanced around the crowded, upscale Georgetown café patio, sipping his iced tea and watching the door.  Eventually his patience was rewarded, and Chad Sorenson appeared, scanning the crowd and then making his way to the corner table where Jack waited for him. 

Jack greeted him with a smile and nod as Sorenson took his seat.

“I already ordered you a Dr. Pepper, no ice,” he said casually, pointing to the glass in front of his friend.  “Just like you like it.” 

The glass of cold beverage was sweating in the warm sun.

Chad picked it up and took a big drink, setting it down with a slight, tense smile. “Got what you wanted, Jack.”

He opened the leather binder he’d brought with him, pulled out a manila envelope, and handed it over. 

Without preamble, Jack opened the clasp and pulled out a copy of a college transcript, complete with a photocopy of an old driver’s license photo.

He took off his sunglasses to look at the information. 

He didn’t want any kind of a barrier between him and what he was so anxious to see. 

 _James Turner Waterford_ , he read.

So now he had a name for the asshole. 

Quickly scanning the transcript, he saw that Waterford had made good grades and had graduated NYU with a political science degree, minoring in business.  

Jack moved the transcript to the back and found a photocopy of a recent news article featuring Waterford’s rise in the New Jersey state hierarchy to the office of governor. 

The article even had a photo of the man as he appeared now, expensively dressed and personable, smiling and accepting the accolades of his admiring public. 

“So, now what?” asked Sorenson casually. “Does he need to be taken care of?”  He took another drink of his Dr. Pepper and leaned forward on his elbows, his eyes on Jack’s face. 

Jack shook his head. “No.  Believe me, I wish it could be that easy.” 

He knew Daniel wouldn’t want Waterford killed, though that thought had briefly crossed Jack’s mind more than once, in many of his self-indulgent fantasies.   

While Chad watched him closely, he considered his options, thinking about how damaging the secret he carried about this politician could be to the man’s career. 

Only problem was, by exposing what Waterford had done to Daniel, he’d also be exposing Daniel as a victim. 

He certainly didn’t want to do that. 

“I want Waterford’s skeletons,” said Jack quietly. “Don’t look at Daniel Jackson or anything concerning the time period he and Waterford were roommates, but anything _after_ that will do.  Specifically, be looking for things like attractive young interns at the governor’s mansion, especially good-looking boys who work for him. Check his other college roommates, too, and see if they had any… unusual circumstances during private moments with just the two of them in their room.” 

Sorenson’s eyes widened, just a little. “Waterford’s _married_ , Jack. Has been since a year after college. Supposed to be a match made in heaven. You telling me he’s a closet perv?” 

Jack pressed his lips together, thinking, contemplating.

He knew Chad, trusted him with his life and had done so on many occasions.

He lifted his eyes to his friends, knowing this man would read his expression and the intensity in it as honest hatred.

“I’m telling you flat out that he’s a rapist, buddy. Very deliberate, very sly about it, so some of his victims might not even realize it happened. If he did it once and got away with it, I’m thinking he may have done it again. If he has, I wanna know. Every name, no matter how far back, except for the one I gave you.” 

Horror washed over Chad’s face and he dropped his gaze to the table, obviously disturbed.

“Jeez, Jack,” he whispered. “You friends with this Daniel Jackson fella you don’t want me looking into? Is that what this is about?” 

“Secrets between friends,” Jack said with a nod, pinning his old teammate with a steely look that he knew communicated volumes.  “Secrets we don’t betray. Promises we don’t break. I can’t touch Waterford. I can’t have his blood on my hands. But if justice needs to be done…” 

Sorenson nodded, his expression grave. “Then it will be.  All quiet and legal-like. And right in the public eye, where it’ll do him the most damage.  Sound good?” 

Jack nodded. “Just make sure it’s cold justice, not revenge.  Daniel doesn’t want revenge _. I_ do, but this isn’t for me.” 

Chad nodded. “I get that.”

He sat back in his chair and accepted the envelope and its contents that Jack handed back to him.

“I’m not sure I ever said thank you for what you did for me, Jack,” he said quietly. 

The memory of that secret rescue grazed Jack’s consciousness.  He’d killed three enemy men to free Chad, one of them right in front of his teammate.  Death had been delivered quickly, efficiently, expertly, and the two of them had stolen away in the dark of night in a foreign land to the safety of their own camp.  Chad hadn’t said the words to Jack, but they’d been there in his eyes. 

Neither of them had ever told all the details of what had happened that night. 

Some mission details weren’t meant for their commanding officers to know. 

Those things would always remain just between the two of them.

As far as their superiors knew, Chad had escaped unaided, and no one but the two of them knew the whole truth. 

Dropping his gaze to the envelope in the other man’s hands, Jack gave him a very slight nod.

“Yeah, Chad. You did. You’re alive, and that’s all the thanks I need.” 

Haunted gray eyes looked back at Jack from across the table. Sorenson shook his head and tapped the envelope before slipping it back into the binder.

“This one’s for free, Wolfman. Just because it needs to be done. I _still_ owe you.” 

Jack reached out and patted Chad’s sleeve.

“Secrets between friends, buddy,” he said softly, then lifted his glass of iced tea to clink it against his friend’s in a silent toast.   

They each took a drink, turned their attention to the menus, and after placing their orders, began to talk about family and friends.  Then they traded old war stories, anything they could talk about publicly.  Those were safe subjects that made them laugh and remember why they had enjoyed working together in the first place.  

Later, when they parted ways, Jack put Governor James Turner Waterford out of his mind, knowing already that the mission would be accomplished without prejudice, and that cold, impersonal justice would be done. 

Chad had no personal stake in the matter, and that alone would keep Jack clean.

He’d enjoyed his meal with his old friend and for now he could forget about that bastard who had hurt Daniel so long ago.

 

* * *

 

 

**26 May**

**Three Days Later**  

Daniel stood on the deck behind Jack’s house, scanning the view of the blooming garden, the hand-made stream and falls restored to their former beauty and flowing with clean, pure water. He nodded with approval and handed another personal check for the balance of his bill to the landscape contractor. 

“Everything looks perfect,” he assured her.  He smiled into her eyes with a heart full of gratitude.  “You’ve performed a miracle, Anna. Thank you. I know he’ll be happy with it.” 

“You’re welcome, Doctor Jackson,” she answered with a satisfied sigh, her gaze turning back to the brightly blooming yard. “And don’t forget to ask your friend if he’s interested in doing this same kind of thing on a contract basis. My clients could use his kind of talent.”    

“I won’t forget.”

He set a small pot down on the deck railing and reached to shake her hand, then walked her around the front of the house. 

He watched her drive away and then went back to the garden, strolling out toward the woods. 

The seams between sod sections were barely visible, but he knew in a matter of days the roots would be joining to the rich earth beneath and becoming a permanent, living carpet once more.  

He followed the remaining flagstone path through the flowers and into the woods, leaning on his cane as he made his way back into the trees.

At the rear of the property, he studied the place where the tent would be erected, remembering the design sketches he’d seen and approved. The people he’d had working for him really knew what they were doing and the result had been worth every penny he’d paid. 

Several items had just arrived.  The tent was being stitched together, along with the netting that would cover the top and keep the mosquitoes away. 

It would take several days for the sewing to be completed, and he’d paid handsomely for the rush job. 

Once the tent was finished, it would be delivered and placed while he and Jack were away on official business, courting a few new academics for the SGC. 

They’d be making that trip in four days, and Daniel was certain he could keep Jack distracted and away from this part of his property for that long.

The trees that would serve as the four corner posts of the cloth building were marked with fluorescent pink twine and everything inside the space had been cleared and leveled.

Stepping inside, he lowered himself as carefully as he could to the bare ground and looked around, imagining how it would look when finished.

Daniel knew tents, having lived in them for much of his life, and this one would be fit for a sheik.  

Jack had had such grand plans for this place, he knew. He had wanted it as a place where he and Daniel could go to make love outdoors, under the sun.

Daniel turned his gaze skyward, looking up through the canopy of leaves overhead, and letting his mind wander. 

He could still feel Jack’s mouth on his neck the last time they were together, before their world fell apart, rolling with him on the bed, his hands driving Daniel wild with need. They’d made love fast and hard in their bed, and then done it again in the shower afterward. The memory still burned in his heart and mind, incandescent with love.

Then the fateful morning Jack had left for DC, they’d made love again, only that time it had been slowly, tenderly, barely able to stop staring into each other’s eyes as their bodies undulated together. 

It had been as if Jack were saying goodbye, which as it turned out, he had been.

Jack had known there was a chance that Daniel would eventually find out about his affair, and of course, he had.

 That last night and every night they’d been together after Jack had started seeing his girlfriend had been especially intense, and only afterward, after Daniel knew the truth, had he understood why Jack had been so driven and so sad. 

Tears filled Daniel’s eyes, and he closed them against the view.

He missed Jack. Not seeing him, now that he understood Jack’s pain, felt as if someone had cut out his heart. 

He looked down at the carpet of bare earth beneath his hands.

He could have replaced the garden without touching this space, but part of him had realized that it was necessary to complete the design.

Only now that he sat in the partially prepared enclosure, he realized he could never show it to Jack as long as they were still estranged.

It suddenly occurred to him that maybe it would be better if he just cancelled the order, until Jack had found someone else who could help him plan it the way they wanted. 

That thought sent a shaft of pain right through him, and he knew instantly what it was.  

Jealousy. 

Daniel didn’t want _anyone_ else sharing this place with Jack.

He didn’t want Jack sharing his bed with anyone else, either.

He loved Jack. Daniel was _in love_ with him.

Jack had hurt him terribly with his betrayal, but that was when Daniel didn’t understand the motivations behind it. 

Now that he did, he felt ashamed for the part he’d played in circumstances, and was horrified at the pain he had caused Jack, both inadvertently and intentionally. 

Atonement was necessary, and as he envisioned the elegant interior of the romantic hideaway, he knew only one thing would say what he needed to the man he still desperately loved.

He needed to give his body to Jack, all of it, without reservation or lingering fear, in perfect trust, and with a love that had become richer for all their problems in the past. 

Jack would be stubborn about everything, he knew. Neither of them were ready for this. It would take time and professional help for them to recover some semblance of emotional stability, and Daniel knew they would never truly get back what they once had. 

It would be different, once they managed to patch up their relationship and limp onward, but Daniel hoped it would be better, deeper somehow, and permanent. 

He glanced down at his damaged knee and rubbed at it, wiping away his tears with his other hand.

He might not be the man he once was, but he was still functioning and contributing to SGC.  He was still a man, strong and healthy, if no longer fast on his feet.  He had to be more careful now, more aware of the potential for falling, and he would equally be more aware of his relationship with Jack.

It wasn’t something he could take for granted, any more than he could just get up and walk.

This relationship was something he’d have to work at, if he were to keep Jack happy. 

Daniel knew Jack loved him without reservation; that had not changed.

Now it was time for Daniel to be the one to stop holding back, to be strong, because Jack needed that from him. At this moment, Jack wasn’t far different from the man he’d been just before the first mission to Abydos, and Daniel had to find a way to save him all over again.

He lay back against the earth and looked up at the sky, smiling as he daydreamed about how he might do just that. 

An hour later he rose, dusted himself off, hobbled back across the yard to the car he’d checked out of the motor pool. 

He started the drive to the airport to pick up his partner and bring him home. To _their_ home.

 

* * *

 

 

Daniel pulled the car into Jack’s driveway and shut it off. He didn’t say anything as he unbuckled his seat belt, already aware of how silent the man in the passenger seat was. 

As he got out, Daniel knew without looking at him that Jack was studying the front garden beds, newly replanted with interestingly shaped junipers. 

He closed the car door and turned to watch Jack climbing out. 

Without even a glance at his driver, Jack opened the rear door on the sedan and grabbed his suitcase, then went to set it on the front porch. 

Daniel followed him, bracing himself on his cane, keeping several paces behind. 

He was pleased when the door didn’t shut in his face as he followed Jack inside the house. 

Starting down the hallway after him, though, Daniel was surprised when Jack came to a dead stop and spoke over his shoulder.

“Go into the living room and wait for me there, if you don’t mind.” 

“Oh, sure thing, Jack,” he responded, and did as requested. Daniel went to stand at the mantel, looking at photos of Charlie and touching the spots where Jack’s medals and commendations had once been.

 He glanced around when he heard Jack come into the room, wanting to see his face when he got his first look out the windows. 

Only Daniel couldn’t read the guarded expression on Jack’s face.

“You put it back,” he said quietly, his eyes widening. “Holy shit, Daniel! You must’ve had an army working here the last few days! What did you do, hijack half the personnel at the base?” 

“I hired it done, because I couldn’t do it myself in the time I had available.” 

Jack’s head whipped around. “Must’ve cost a fortune, to get it done that fast.” 

Daniel just smiled. “I think it was a good investment.” 

He saw Jack swallow hard, his gaze shifting to linger on the distant view. “Did you do all this from memory?”

Those intense brown eyes moved slowly from outside to Daniel’s face. 

Shaking his head, Daniel took a step toward him. “You threw out the plans, remember? I picked them out of your trash and kept them. The landscape contractor was damned impressed, by the way. Said she hoped you’d think about designing professionally. I promised I’d ask.” 

“Oh.”

 Jack wandered into the living room, turning his gaze down to the silk iris still pristine and beautiful in the vase on the coffee table.  He gazed at the thriving potted geranium beside it, dragging his fingertips over the tops of the blooms.  Then he lifted his fingers to his nose, sniffing the floral fragrance that had rubbed off at his touch. 

“I’ll think about it.”  He straightened up, keeping his chin lowered, eyes still on the plants.  “So how much damage did you do to your bank account?”   

“I don’t know if I’ll have enough food money till next payday, but I think I’ll make it,” Daniel returned, smiling slightly. “Think you might be able to share a few meals with your poor, penniless friend, so I don’t starve?” 

He tried to keep his tone light, still not sure of Jack’s reaction to what he’d had done. 

“Daniel, I—“ Jack raised his head, and Daniel saw the naked pain there, flickering across his eyes, then smoothed over and gone. 

Jack cleared his throat, looking over at the mantel and speaking to it. 

“Of _course_ I’ll feed you,” he said in a soft voice.  “You know I won’t let you go hungry, but… Uh.  That was.  Uh.” 

He licked his lips nervously.  “Not the smartest thing to spend your last dime on, you know?” 

He risked another glance, this time his control holding up as he made eye contact.   

“Worth every penny to me,” said Daniel, heading toward the patio door.

He undid the lock and stepped out, fetching a small pot from the railing and brought it back inside with him.

He handed it to Jack and waited. 

General Hammond had just returned from a trip home to Texas and brought that specimen back for Daniel, since it wasn’t late enough in the season for them to be out in Colorado. 

Jack looked down at the little potted plant in his hands.

At the base, long, raggedly shaped green leaves stuck out from the central stem. About halfway up, the leaves changed in shape, looking like an array of little pale green hearts fastened to the ends of slender, delicate wands fixed to the main stem. Toward the top, clusters of tiny white flowers bloomed in a lacy cap. 

“This is Shepherd’s Purse,” Jack observed, his voice rough and shaky. 

“Yes,” said Daniel, aware of the significance of that plant far more than all the others, its message hanging unspoken in the air between them.

 

_I give you my all._

 

“I didn’t before,” Daniel added, “but I’m ready to now. I love you, Jack. I’ve never stopped, and I never will.  Let’s put the past behind us.  Do you think we can?  I really want us to try.” 

Jack shook his head.

He set the plant down on the coffee table with the geranium and the silk iris.

“I’m not sure I can, Daniel. I need to talk to Doctor Stevenson.” 

Daniel nodded. “I’m not talking about jumping back into bed right now, Jack,” he assured his friend. “That would be pretty reckless, because I don’t think either one of us is ready for that. She wants to have individual sessions with us for a while anyway, but I also talked to her about counseling us both as a couple.”

He hesitated. “Whenever you’re ready.”   

He watched as Jack bowed his head and stuck his hands into his pockets, meandering slowly toward the open patio door, where he paused a moment. 

“A couple?” Jack asked softly. “ _Were_ we that, Daniel?” 

He raised his eyes for a brief glance, the pain of what they’d lost glimmering in the chocolate brown depths.  “We _were_ good together, weren’t we?” 

Daniel nodded. “Yes, Jack. We were.  Maybe we can be again. I’d sure like to try.” 

Jack turned away and went outside with Daniel following him, looking down at the freshly laid lawn that replaced the ugly gray paving stones Jack had put down. They wandered down the gentle slope to the stack of stones Jack had built the previous year, listening to the sound of gaily splashing water in the falls as it tumbled over the rocks Jack had placed just so, wanting to get the pitch of the waterfall exactly right. 

The yard was beautiful. Most of the plants were in full bloom, large and healthy and mature, though others would be blossoming later in the season or during the autumn.

Anna Jennings had done a splendid job, and Daniel was pleased with how everything looked. 

“This is beautiful out here,” Jack said, more to himself than to Daniel.  He bent down and pinched off a yellow leaf that was less than healthy and dropped it into the waterfall, watching it be carried away on the current. 

He took a deep breath.  “You know I won’t be able to keep you at arm’s length for very long, don’t you.” 

That was a statement of fact, not a question. 

Daniel smiled a little, hopeful.

“Yes, I _do_ know that.  I don’t want you to punish yourself, Jack,” he said quietly, leaning on his cane. It started to sink into the soft earth and he glanced around for a stone to set it on, choosing one on the edge of the falls to give him a place to lean a little.

“I don’t want to _be_ punished, either. So, yeah, I’m kinda hoping you’ll give up that whole penance idea. That’s why I did all this. So that maybe we could start to recover what we lost. Maybe even make it better.” 

Wandering over to the stone planter at the center of the garden, Jack stared down at the bare earth. “This is still empty.” 

“Still looking for just the right thing to plant there.  I’m hoping that whatever is supposed to go in that spot, we’ll find it together, and we’ll know it when we see it.” 

Jack’s eyes were warm, but pain etched into the lines in his face.  “That’s a nice thought.” 

His studied Daniel’s features, hungry for what he was offering but too guilt-ridden and scared to accept it just yet. 

“I don’t deserve you, you know.  You shouldn’t forgive me, Daniel. I betrayed you. I betrayed _us.”_   

With a shake of his head, Daniel took a few steps closer, resting the end of his cane on the yellowish stone base of the hand-made planter.

“If you’d done it because you were in love with her, you’d still be _with_ her,” he argued gently. “But you were in love with _me,_ and I think… I hope… you still are. You slept with her because you were afraid. Because you needed something I couldn’t – or wouldn’t -- give you.”

His stomach tightened up. “I’m hoping I can change that. I want to try.” 

“No.” Jack shook his head, backing a few steps away. “I’ll never be with you in that way, Daniel. Not now that I know. I suspected. That’s why I didn’t push you about it.” 

A great wave of anguish rose inside Daniel.

His left hand shook as he raised it to pat his own chest. “How do you think that makes me feel, Jack, knowing what you went through, and what I did to you?”

He swallowed hard, his voice deep and trembling. “Every time I think about that it tears me up inside, that you lived through that brutal, unspeakable horror, and yet were so willing to let me touch you like that… God!” 

Daniel turned away, wiping at his eyes. “What happened to me was _nothing_ compared to what happened to you, and I wouldn’t even let you stand behind me in the shower. My God.  I’m so sorry.”  He shook his head, sniffling, trying to hold back tears.  He twisted around to look into Jack’s face again.  “I _trusted_ you, Jack.  I always have and always will.  I was just…”

He shrugged. 

“Just scared,” Jack finished for him, laying one hand gently on Daniel’s shoulder. “I know. I understood, Daniel. It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s _not_.”

Images of violence scorched Daniel’s mind, and he gasped, shutting them off. “God, Jack. I wish I’d _never_ touched you like that. _I_ did this to you. _I_ made you feel this way, brought all that pain back to you and hurt you…”

He was crying in earnest now.   

Jack came to him and turned him so they were face to face, putting his arms around him, holding him close, whispering in his ear.  “Shhh, it’s all right, babe.  Please don’t cry.  You were loving me, and it was beautiful. Every moment. Every touch. Don’t _ever_ be sorry about that, please?” 

Jack’s voice was soft and warm against Daniel’s ear. 

He placed a little kiss on his sideburn as he rocked him in his arms a little. 

“You didn’t know. There’s no way you could have known, and I didn’t plan on telling you, not ever.  I’m sorry all this happened. I never wanted to hurt you, Daniel.  I was just messed up. Really lost. You know?” 

Daniel nodded against Jack’s shoulder, hugging him back.  “I love you, Jack.  I want us to be together again. Can’t we try? Please?” 

Jack’s arms tightened around him. “Since the day we first met, we’ve never really been apart, Daniel,” he murmured.  “Even when you left us to do your glowy thing with Oma. Even when you were on Abydos with Sha’re, part of you was still with me. I could feel it, even then.” 

“That’s true,” Daniel agreed, a smile spreading across his whole face.  

“But yeah,” Jack whispered into Daniel’s hair.  “I’d like to try.  I’ve missed you so much.” 

At those welcome words, Daniel straightened and pulled back a bit, and then his lips were seeking and finding Jack’s.  

He didn’t care that they were outside or that the neighbors might be watching.  He didn’t care that they were drinking his tears as their mouths melded together. Jack was kissing him, his hands gently exploring Daniel’s face, neck and shoulders, burying up in his hair.

There was no passion in these kisses, just apologies, forgiveness, welcoming each other home with promises for the future. 

Daniel leaned against him, dropping his cane to put both arms around Jack’s ribs. His fingers mapped the muscles in Jack’s back through his shirt, moving up to his shoulders and dusting across the short, silver velvet of Jack’s buzz cut.  

Daniel pulled back and looked at him, his eyes roving over that short military do.  “I miss your hair and that damned earring,” he sniffed.  “Silly, huh?” 

A broad smile spread slowly over Jack’s face and up into his eyes, warming them to an auburn glow. “Not a bit,” said Jack. “I always liked yours long, too. You have beautiful hair, Daniel.”

He ran his fingers through the nearly shoulder-length mane in emphasis, playing in it delightedly. 

“So do you, Jack.” 

“I’m growin’ mine back out,” he announced, stepping away and lightly catching Daniel’s left hand in his. “Starting now. How long do you want it? Down to my ass?” 

Daniel bent down to retrieve his cane, holding onto Jack’s hand for balance, letting go when he had the cane tucked under his right hand again.

Then he turned to study his partner, head tilted, imagining tresses of various lengths surrounding his face.

“I don’t think you can go much longer than where it was. No ponytails. You’re not a really long hair kind of guy. How about me? How long do you want mine?”

He ran his free hand over his chestnut mane, as long now as it had been when he and Jack first met. 

“It’s your _hair_ , Daniel,” said Jack cautiously, his eyes greedily following Daniel’s hand.  

“I want to please my partner.” 

Jack reached out for him and laced his fingers with Daniel’s. “Then let it grow. I’ll tell you when I think you’ve reached your limit.” 

“Deal.” Daniel turned and headed toward the house, bringing Jack with him. “So when can I move back in?” 

A guilty look flashed over Jack’s face. He got all wary. “Give me a few days, okay? I’ve got a lot of shit to sort through.” 

“Things to put back in place,” Daniel agreed, thinking of the missing medals on the mantel. 

Looking down at the new grass beneath their feet, Jack sighed.

“Yeah. I guess I went a little nuts there for a while.” 

That made Daniel wonder what else Jack had done to his house, in the back where Daniel hadn’t yet seen.

“What’s good for dinner tonight?” he asked, watching Jack move to the foyer and take up a stance, as if subtly inviting Daniel to leave. 

“Not real hungry right now,” Jack admitted, shifting nervously back and forth on his feet.

The guilty look intensified. 

Intuition jiggled Daniel’s brain.

Jack wanted him to go.

He didn’t want Daniel to see something.

Something in the back of the house. 

Pressing his lips together, Daniel tried to prepare himself for whatever he would find and pushed past Jack, heading down the hallway, looking into the rooms as he passed them.

He ignored Jack’s protests, intent on finding out what he so obviously didn’t want Daniel to discover. The spare room remained as it had been since he’d retrieved the last of his things, but as he stepped into the doorway of the den, Jack fell silent. 

The room was completely vacant.

The entertainment center, desk, leather recliner and sofa, and other furniture were all gone.

Even the bookshelves had been emptied, leaving nothing but the shutters covering the windows. 

Daniel pushed past Jack to move on to the master bedroom, his stomach churning.

He froze in the doorway, just staring at the nearly empty room. Their big, king-sized bed was gone, replaced with a small twin-sized iron cot with a thin mattress. It was made up in ugly, rough-looking linens that looked like they’d come from a military surplus store.

The alarm clock sat on the floor beside it, and all the pictures were gone from the walls. 

There was no other furniture in the room, and Jack’s suitcase sat just inside the door, where he had put it when they first arrived. 

The bedroom looked like a _prison cell._  

Which was probably the exact look Jack had been going for. 

Daniel turned to look at him, standing behind him in the hall.

“You’re not staying in this room tonight,” he announced harshly, torn between anger and hurt as he looked into Jack’s embarrassed face. “Where’s your stuff?  In a storage unit somewhere, I hope?” 

Jack nodded, his face flushed, looking as self-conscious as Daniel had ever seen him.   

“All right, then. Tomorrow, you and I are putting everything back like it was.” 

He blinked back tears.  Then he reached for Jack and just held him. 

“Tomorrow’s a new day, Jack.  A new start for us.  And everything’s gonna be okay.  I promise.” 

Jack held him tightly, squeezing him so hard he could barely breathe. 

Daniel couldn’t remember when anything had felt so wonderful. 

“Take me out to dinner,” he whispered after a while.  “I’m broke and hungry, and I don’t want you back in this room until it’s fixed.” 

They stepped apart, exchanging a long look full of hope and promise.  Jack brought both hands up to hold and pet Daniel. He gave him a small smile, running one thumb over Daniel’s cheekbone.  He nuzzled their noses together and kissed Daniel lightly on the lips. 

Leaning their foreheads together, he said, “Okay, Daniel. You win. I’ll do anything you want.  So where do you wanna eat?”   

“I want Italian.” Daniel pulled out of his arms, grabbed his hand, and headed for the door. “We’ll unpack later. C’mon.” 

They held hands all the way to the car and all during the ride to Antonio’s.

When they arrived, Daniel asked for a smaller table than the one the hostess showed them, because he wanted to be close enough to touch Jack.

He barely noticed the other patrons and didn’t bother glancing at the menu because his eyes were too full of the man he loved.  

He was falling again, falling hard.

He welcomed it and hoped it showed in his face so Jack could see. 

When the waiter appeared to take their orders, he listened with a delighted smile as Jack ordered in flawless Italian with a Mid-western American accent. 

When Daniel’s turn came, he just doubled the order. He didn’t care what he ate. For tonight, food wasn’t important. 

As soon as the waiter left, Daniel reached across the table and took Jack’s hand again, lacing their fingers together. They didn’t talk much, just stared at each other, smiling like fools in love. When the food was delivered and their hands weren’t busy with utensils, Daniel made sure he was touching Jack somewhere, part of his mind aware that people saw them, but not caring that they did. He smiled at Jack and laughed at his jokes, letting his guard down completely, taking in the experience of being with Jack deeply into his soul.

The freedom of it was incredible, and Daniel had never felt more alive than at that moment. 

It seemed as if the whole universe had narrowed down to that one table and the two of them. The candle between them was the sun, its light gleaming in Jack’s eyes.

Moving the candle aside, Daniel leaned closer, half standing as he whispered in Jack’s ear, telling him how much he missed living with him, sleeping with him, waking up with him.  

When he sat back down, those brown eyes were ablaze with desire, and Jack quickly looked away.  Apparently, Jack wasn’t ready to feel that way, and Daniel hoped he hadn’t been too forward.  

He glanced down at his plate, wondering when he had ordered lasagna.

The whole evening seemed to be sort of a blur, and he was far from ready for it to be over.

He let go of Jack’s hand and started to reach for his fork. 

“The food’s great,” Jack said softly, spearing a slice of steamed carrots from his side dish. “You’ve hardly touched yours, Daniel. Here, try some of this. You need to eat more vegetables.”

He reached his fork across the table to Daniel’s mouth. 

There was something so warm and caring about Jack feeding him that Daniel obeyed without thinking, his eyes on Jack’s face. He looked a little embarrassed at having done that, so Daniel picked up his garlic bread and tore off a small hunk. He handed it across the table, repeating the gesture, and Jack grinned slightly before he opened his mouth to accept the morsel. 

Jack’s lips brushed Daniel’s thumb and that contact sent a shockwave of desire straight to Daniel’s groin. His hand was trembling as he pulled it back to his lap.

He missed Jack.

He wanted him, and visions of him naked in their bed made it difficult to breathe for a moment. 

Daniel had no idea how they made it through the rest of the meal.

By the time he’d managed to get himself calmed down, his plate was empty and his stomach was tied up in knots.

Jack was staring at him across the table, looking sexy as hell and terrified, both of them uncertain what to do next. 

Mustering all the calm he could manage, Daniel suggested to Jack that he pay the check so they could go home.

He obeyed mutely, handing over some cash without a word, not taking his eyes off Daniel.  

When the waiter returned with the change, Daniel parceled out an appropriate tip and gave the rest of the money back to Jack, prompting him to put it in his wallet when it didn’t look like he was going to pick it up. 

“Oh. Yeah. Wasn’t thinking,” he muttered, reaching for the cash and stuffing it into his pants pocket. 

As they rose from the table to leave, Daniel leaned over and gave Jack a soft, warm kiss on the lips and was surprised at how blissfully good that felt.

He caught the eye of a man and woman at the next table who were staring at them in obvious shock and gave them a smile and a wink.

He didn’t know them and didn’t care to do so, and their apparent disapproval of his show of affection meant absolutely nothing to him. They could go on living in their small-minded world. 

He was sure that his was much bigger and happier than theirs, and that was all that mattered to him. 

 He didn’t know if Jack had seen them or not, but if he had, Daniel was sure Jack didn’t give a rat’s ass how they felt about what they’d just seen. 

By the time they returned home, Daniel realized he’d had a great time, one of the best he’d ever had with Jack.

Things were starting to register, things he hadn’t been truly aware of since he’d agreed to an intimate relationship with Jack.

He’d been holding back because he’d been ashamed of being seen as a gay man, afraid of what other people would think of him.

He hadn’t even been able to admit the truth to _himself._  

Now, however, he realized that he _was_ a gay man; or at least, bisexual. He and Jack were lovers, and there was no finer man, no finer _person_ , on the planet than the one who had fallen for him.

Daniel had every reason to be proud of his relationship with Jack, and accepting that, concentrating only on him and his needs, felt incredibly liberating. 

He kissed Jack on the doorstep and stepped away.

“I’m going back to the base to pick up a few things for overnight, so I’ll be back in an hour or so,” he told his lover. “Including a couple of sleeping bags we can zip together. I’ll be moving back in for good tomorrow, after work. Okay?” 

Jack nodded. He looked a little lost. “Maybe you should stay at the base tonight,” he suggested, gaze on the ground. 

Daniel shook his head.  “I think you _need_ me tonight, Jack,” he said gently.  “I _know_ I need you.  That double bed in the guest room is kinda small for two guys our size, but it’ll have to do.” 

He gave Jack’s hand a squeeze and let go.  “And I want to let you know how proud I am that you chose me to be your lover.  I enjoyed tonight.  It was… romantic.” 

Jack cleared his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets.  “It didn’t bother you, being seen with me like that?  Touching me in public?” 

“Not anymore,” Daniel assured him, moving another step away.  “I’ll be right back.” 

“Why don’t I go with you?  You can drop me in the parking lot, and I can pick up my truck.” Jack hesitated.  He smiled slightly. “And maybe go by the storage place for my TV.” 

“Sounds good to me. Go ahead and lock up, and I’ll be waiting in the car.” 

He hobbled off the front porch and out to the car, feeling a whole lot better about everything in general.

Moments later, they were on their way to the base and by late evening, he was back home. He laid out his clothes for the next day on that tiny, crummy cot, put his shaving kit into the master bathroom and unpacked his toothbrush first, setting it into the holder next to Jack’s, where it belonged.  

When he was finished with unpacking and getting ready for bed, he went to the spare room, led by the sound of the television now sitting on top of the bureau, its bluish light the only illumination in the room.

Jack was already in bed, the remote control in his hand as it lay on his belly on top of the covers, his eyes closed in sleep.

The covers were tucked under his arm, partially covered by the short sleeve of his T-shirt. 

Daniel limped toward the bed, set his cane and glasses aside on the nightstand and started to unbutton his shirt.

He dropped it on the floor, then sat down on the small bed and took off his shoes and socks. 

“There isn’t really room for two in this thing,” Jack told him flatly with a sleepy sigh.  

“I thought you were sleeping.  Anyway, there’s plenty of room for _really_ close friends,” Daniel assured him. 

“I’ll go sleep on the sofa,” Jack suggested, and started to rise. “You can have the bed.” 

Daniel turned to face his erstwhile lover, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him back down. “Uh-uh.  No, you don’t.  If you go to the couch, I’ll just follow you out there and sleep on the floor beside you.  Pick your spot, Jack.” 

With another sigh, Jack relaxed under the covers, turned off the TV and put the remote on the nightstand. 

Daniel slipped between the sheets, closed his eyes and remembered touching Jack, kissing him. He remembered the feel of their bodies together as they made love, every caress an act of reverent worship. He remembered how Jack looked with his eyes closed, his back arched off the bed, holding onto Daniel and gasping out his name as he came. 

God, Jack was so beautiful! He had suffered so much.

 Daniel had a hell of a lot to make up for, and he was going to make sure Jack began the healing process tonight. 

Daniel glanced at the covers over Jack’s groin. There was no response there at all, not even when Daniel cuddled up to him, his arm wrapped around Jack’s waist. He didn’t dare reach lower, because he didn’t think either of them was ready for that. 

Jack rolled onto his side, facing Daniel, and scooted back as close to the edge of the mattress as he could get, to make room for Daniel and attempting to put a little extra space between their lower bodies. “Nothing’s gonna happen tonight, Daniel,” he said slowly. “It’s been… It’s been a rough few months.”

He rose up on one elbow while Daniel pulled at the covers until they were arranged over both of them to his liking. 

“It’s been rough for both of us,” Daniel agreed, turning his head slightly to look up at Jack.  

“I think we should take it slow,” Jack returned, his voice still flat, emotionless. “Just let it happen when it happens.” 

“What’s that old saying about falling off a horse?”  

“You can’t ride a _dead_ horse, Daniel.” 

“You’re not dead, Jack.” 

“Not all of me, no.”

He eased back down to the bed, wedged his arm into the crowded space between them, and settled his head into the pillow.

His movements were hesitant as tentatively laid his hand on Daniel’s side, sliding into an embrace as they faced each other, nose to nose.   

Daniel snuggled closer, his knees just touching Jack’s.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he murmured.  “I’ve missed this.” 

He took a moment to just study that beloved face, so much of it cast in deep shadow, the silver of Jack’s hair glistening in the dim light like a halo around his head. 

“Missed us.”   

“This is enough,” Jack whispered into his ear. “It’s all I need.” 

He placed a gentle kiss on Daniel’s temple as he pulled back. 

“No, it’s not,” Daniel assured him. “I _love_ you.  I don’t think I’ve made that too clear, especially lately. I need for you to know.” 

“I do. You’re here. It’s enough.” Jack kissed his forehead and settled back into the pillow, closing his eyes with a weary sigh. 

Daniel gazed happily at the man he loved so deeply. “I trust you,” he said simply. “Kiss goodnight?” 

Warm, dry lips pressed against his forehead again. 

“That’s not good enough,” he returned with a slow smile. “I want tongue.” 

“Tomorrow, Daniel.” 

“Tonight.” 

Jack rose up on one elbow again.

“Damn, you’re high maintenance!”  He grinned down into Daniel’s face. 

“Hopefully, I’m worth it.” 

Daniel could barely see the smile, but Jack’s voice echoed with love.

“Yeah. You are.” He bent down slowly, his mouth barely touching Daniel’s, just breathing there for a moment, sharing Daniel’s breath.  

Chastely, Jack pressed his lips to Daniel’s, his teeth stroking in a smooth glide over Daniel’s lower lip. He nibbled on it, sucked it into his mouth, caressed it with the tip of his tongue. 

 Daniel couldn’t help groaning and opened his mouth for Jack, who was being entirely too shy for Daniel’s taste.  

He reached up and clasped the back of Jack’s neck, bringing him down closer, deepening the kiss, invading Jack’s mouth with his tongue.

Jack’s fingers worshipped his face, making Daniel whimper with need.

He wanted Jack, but this wasn’t the right time, and he quelled the desire heating his belly as Jack pulled away. 

“Good night, Daniel,” he whispered. 

“Night.”  

Jack relaxed against his pillows and in just a few breaths had drifted into sleep. 

Daniel lay awake for a long time, thinking and planning, figuring out the best way for him to make peace with his past and move on toward a healthy, well adjusted future with the man he loved.

 

* * *

 

 

**1 June**

**A Week Later**

“I thought that went pretty well,” said Daniel, making an effort to be upbeat, as they strolled off the UC Berkeley campus.  “Doctor Albright ought to work out just fine at the SGC. She’s high in her field, thinks outside the box, and is in good physical condition. Don’t you think she’ll be good?” 

 He turned to look at the stunning man walking beside him. 

Behind the aviator shades he wore, Jack’s eyes were roaming the campus, threat assessing as always.  He’d worn his Class A’s for the meeting, but even without the uniform, his military bearing would have been apparent. 

They’d come to UC on Uncle’s Sam’s business, however, and he’d wanted to look the part. 

Even though Jack was retired, he could still wear the uniform when he chose, and this interview had been important, even if the person they’d gone to meet was as liberal as they came.  The uniform had made an impression, lending an air of gravity to the meeting that had been taken seriously, just as Jack had intended. 

“Doctor Allison Albright dresses like a Salvation Army donation box blew up on her,” Jack returned with an air of irritation.  “She looks like she’s sixteen and can’t talk without popping her gum.  She will _not_ fit in at the SGC, Daniel. Trust me on that.” 

“It’s not a matter of fitting in,” Daniel argued patiently, giving him a little nudge with his elbow.  “She’s smart and dynamic.  Once she gets a look at what’s going on under the mountain, I’ll bet you ten bucks she’ll be kicking enemy butt in no time!” 

Turning to look at his companion with unabashed joy, Jack had to work to smother the grin on his face.  “You liked her, huh?” 

Daniel sniffed a little, his eyebrows rising with an air of academic superiority.  “I think she’ll be _fun_ ,” he admitted. “We could use a few fun people at the SGC.” 

Eyebrows lifting, Jack teased, “I’m fun.  Don’t you think I’m fun?” 

Daniel rolled his eyes as if on cue. “Jack…”  He heaved a heavy sigh.  “Of _course_ you’re fun.  I meant we need more fun people in the _academic_ department.  Everyone’s so damned serious in there. Dry as burnt toast.” 

Jack glanced at Daniel’s hand, which had just brushed against his own as they strolled across the campus. 

 For most of the last four days, Daniel had touched him as often as possible, both at home, and everywhere else, except in the mountain.  Anytime they were on the base or in uniform he was all business, except for an occasional look when no one else was watching. 

Jack never realized how sly Daniel could be when he wanted, and he also seemed to be happily practicing his sensuality, with an audience of one. 

It had been funny at first. 

The night Daniel had moved back in, he’d been in the living room, digging through several boxes, sorting through his things while Jack had been in the kitchen making dinner. 

He’d asked what Jack thought was sexy about him, apparently just being playful, but Jack had taken the question seriously. 

A couple of times a very surprised Daniel had poked his head around the door just to stare at Jack as he’d rattled off his seemingly endless list. 

Jack had pursed his lips and stared at the ceiling in thought. “Well,” he’d begun, “there’s when you’re licking your lips. When you look up at me through your eyelashes. When you smile. Or laugh.  Or frown at me.  When you’re sleeping. Or awake.  Naked – _especially_ when you’re naked. Or in tight clothes, loose clothes, whatever. When you’re wet. Dry.  Thinking, figuring out stuff.  Reading. Watching TV.  Working. Relaxing.  Eating. Drinking.  When you’re fondling your cane… it just _does_ something to me.  Fondling artifacts. Old artifacts, like me. Fondling a hopeless old retired Colonel we both know. You’re just sexy, Daniel.  All sexy, all the time.”  

The list had been filled with jokes and teases as well as honest turn-ons, and surprisingly enough, Daniel had paid attention.

That first week living together had been both familiar and strange, with moments of self-consciousness mixed with routine so comfortable they hardly noticed each other. 

Jack had often looked up to find Daniel studying him, a slow smile moving from his mouth up into his eyes, followed by a long deliberate swipe of his tongue over his full lower lip. 

It had taken a moment for Jack to realize Daniel was doing it on purpose; Daniel, who learned a lesson well and never forgot it.

The scamp had been teasing him, flirting, tempting him intentionally. Seduction dressed in sweats and a T-shirt.

 _All sexy, all the time._  

Jack had sat in his chair in the den, transfixed and feeling a definite stir of desire he wasn’t yet ready to acknowledge.  

Then he’d thrown the TV remote he’d been holding at Daniel to start the fun and chased him out into the yard, carefully tackling him down onto the lawn in slow motion and rolling around with him in the twilight heat.  They’d ended up lying in the grass together, Jack’s head on Daniel’s belly, looking up at the stars, and just talking until very late. 

They’d been taking their time, careful not to let things escalate between them, both afraid of intimacy experienced too soon.  They’d had regular sessions with Doctor Stevenson and had even had their first counseling with her as a couple.  That had gone well, though they’d each expressed their hesitancy regarding resuming their sex life. 

Her advice had been to trust their instincts and each other, and follow their hearts.

They would know when the time was right, and if one got there ahead of the other, to be patient and understanding until both were ready.

So they’d waited.  

They’d slept in the same bed, enthusiastically kissed each other good night and cuddled a little, but neither had been willing to take it farther than that. 

Now, however, looking down at their hands brushing against each other as they walked, Jack began to wonder if maybe it might be time to take a giant step in that direction. 

And from the way Daniel was looking at him, he seemed to think so, too. 

 His head was tilted, a wisp of a smile on his face, beautiful blue eyes blinking slowly, lazily, coolly assessing Jack’s state of mind. 

One look at Daniel’s face felt like the purifying shower of a warm rain in the landscape of Jack’s soul, washing away his lingering doubts. 

Jack’s dick was sitting up and taking notice. 

“You’re makin’ me hard, here, Daniel,” he warned in a low voice, only half teasing.  “Stop lookin’ at me like that.” 

He sidestepped a bit to put a few inches of space between them. 

“Holy shit,” he hissed under his breath, those damn dimples and that smile giving him a sunburn. 

“Like _what_ , Jack?” 

Daniel’s grin grew a little wider.  His eyes were twinkling.  There was no innocence to be had in that sweetly wicked face.

He knew exactly what he was doing to the man at his side. 

“If you don’t stop, I’m gonna nail you to that tree over there,” Jack cautioned a little more strongly, his voice still soft and deep. He pointed in the general direction of a park across the street as he spoke, his gaze affixed to Daniel’s face. 

His libido had awakened with a vengeance, and fantasies of taking Daniel up against a tree sent a shaft of heat straight to his groin. 

“Holy fuckin’ _shit!”_ he mumbled under his breath again as he wrenched his eyes front and center and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. 

“Promises, promises,” Daniel challenged huskily, drawing close and leaning his arm against Jack’s as they walked. 

His grin widened. 

“So.  How fast do you think we can make it to the hotel?” he asked in a deep, sexy growl. 

Jack wanted to take Daniel’s hand and kiss it.  He wanted to stop walking, take Daniel in his arms and lay a big one right on his naughty mouth, but Jack was cognizant of where they were and the roles they were still playing. 

They were professionals on business. 

As long as they were on the campus and he was in uniform, they had to act like it. 

But as soon as they were in their hotel…  

“I’m just gonna go get the car.  I’ll meet you at the end of the sidewalk, okay?” 

Dimples flashed again and Jack’s groin saluted. 

He groaned. 

“God, what you do to me, Danny,” he moaned. “Shove that cane into overdrive, willya?” 

He loped off towards the parking lot, forcing his cock to deflate on the way. 

By the time he was buckled into the driver’s seat and Daniel got the passenger door open, it was making its presence known again, tenting up his pants. 

Daniel just hummed a happy little tune, looking out the windows as Jack drove toward the hotel.  He was drumming his fingers on his thigh impatiently, twitching and wriggling in his seat.

Then suddenly he went still. 

“Jack!  Pull in, right here!” 

Screeching on the brakes, Jack whipped his head around, his heart thudding in his chest at the unexpected, forceful command. 

They were almost at their destination, just a couple of blocks away from the hotel, and visions of naked Daniel-sized sugarplums were already dancing in his head. 

He glanced toward where Daniel was pointing and automatically pulled into the driveway, slowing down enough to read the sign.  

“A nursery, Daniel?” he growled incredulously, his libido losing significant steam.  “You want to go to a nursery right _now?”_  

Daniel was already unclipping his seat belt and getting out of the car.  “It’ll just take a minute.  I thought I saw something…”

And he was off. 

The man could still move fast, even with his disability, when he set his mind to it. 

Jack sighed, dutifully parked the car, and got out to hunt for his vanished lover. 

The summer heat was getting to him as soon as he stepped outside the air-conditioned car, and since the official business was over, Jack tossed his cap into the car, took off his jacket and tie, and draped them over the seat.  He undid the top two buttons and rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt for a little extra comfort. 

Aside from the shiny military shoes, he now looked like any other businessman, and was definitely more comfortable. 

 Tucking his sunglasses into his shirt pocket, he strode across the parking lot in search of his lover. 

Entering the glassed-in showroom, Jack glanced up and down the plant-filled aisles. 

No Daniel. 

He went down the ramp into the adjoining hothouse, scanning over the waist-high tables covered with plants in starter pots, but there was no Daniel. 

He hurried into the outdoor area where big clay pots, flagstones and burlap-bagged trees were kept, but Daniel wasn’t there either. 

Wandering back out into the parking lot, Jack scanned the area and went around the other side of the nursery toward what looked like a small office building set away from the nursery proper, well past the back of the big hothouse.  A flagstone path joined the office to the parking lot, and as Jack neared the little building, he noticed a rose bush planted near the door, already in bloom. 

He went over closer to examine it, mesmerized by the unusual flowers. 

The sound of Daniel’s voice wafted to him from inside the building, and Jack turned away from the bush to glance through the propped-open glass door. 

Daniel was sitting in the guest chair, leaning on the cane between his knees, chatting away with the woman behind the desk. 

She was smiling and nodding, obviously being charmed right out of her mind, so Jack let him do whatever it was he was doing and went back to looking at the bush. 

He squatted down and reached out to examine the thriving plant. 

The thick green branches were covered with thorns of various sizes, so it wouldn’t be an easy rose to handle or convenient as a cut flower.  The leaves were dark green and glossy with a hint of brooding purple in the veins, but the flowers were what caught and held the eye.  It was a floribunda type, similar in shape to a tea rose but with more abundant blooms per bush than tea roses.  The buds were long and pointed, snowy white, blushing the slightest pink at the lips. 

In awe, Jack touched one of the open blooms, running his fingertips over the satiny insides of the petals, which were a vivid, flawless scarlet.  Barely a hint of the brilliant red showed through the white outsides of the petals, and only where the flesh was thinnest. 

Jack had never seen a rose like it before, and he was hypnotized by it. 

He had to know what it was, and if they were available at that nursery. 

 He stood up, unable to stop staring at it, already picturing it in their garden. 

He turned to see Daniel step out of the office, breathless and excited, his eyes sparkling, his color pinker than usual.

“We got it!” he crowed, looking Jack in the eye.  “This is the one, isn’t it, Jack?”

He looked down at the rosebush, pointing at it. 

“The red and the white.  Soldier and scholar. War and peace. It’s _us_ , Jack!  _Dear Daniel_ and _Love, Jack_.”  He looked back up at Jack and there were tears in his eyes; tears of joy, illuminating his shining smile.  “See?  I _told_ you we’d be together when we found it, and know it when we saw it!” 

“Yes, Daniel,” he agreed softly.  “It _is_ us.  Two sides of the same petal.” 

He turned to the woman standing in the doorway, watching them. 

“Whatever it costs, ma’am, we want one of these rosebushes.” 

She chuckled and shook her head.  “As I was explaining to your friend, here, this variety is called Snowfire, and you don’t know what you’re asking for there, buddy,” she said cheerfully.  “I know you think you might want it because it’s so striking, but it’s just _full_ of problems. So thorny you can’t cut flowers for the table.  Temperamental as hell, and blooms best in the first year, kinda on the pissy side after that. Prone to fungus. This is _not_ a rose for a novice gardener.” 

“Fungus?” asked Daniel, looking at Jack for explanation. 

He grinned widely and gave his partner a wink.  “Kinda like rosebush allergies, Daniel.”   

He turned to the woman in the office. 

“I’ve been caring for another rose just like that for the past eight years.  I think I’ll be able to handle it just fine.” 

He reached into his back pocket for his credit card and handed it over.  “When can you ship us one?” 

“That depends.  What zone are you in?” 

Jack gave her the specifics while he watched Daniel sit down on the concrete stoop and very carefully reach out and pull one of the blooms toward him, taking a deep, slow sniff and rubbing the petals along his lips. 

The sight made Jack’s heart ache, as he watched perfection appreciating perfection. 

Life was good.   

Half an hour later, they arrived at the hotel and returned to Daniel’s room.  Daniel carried the single Snowfire bloom the nursery woman had cut for them and carefully set it on the nightstand.  She’d given them a beautiful lead crystal bud vase for it, clear except for its ruby base. 

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Daniel couldn’t take his eyes off the rose. 

After taking off his shoes, Jack scooted onto the bed right behind him and put his arms around Daniel’s chest, resting his chin on Daniel’s shoulder to regard the flower with him. 

“It’s perfect,” he said softly. _Just like you_ , he thought to himself, as he had back at the nursery. 

“The last thing missing from our garden,” agreed Daniel.  “I can’t believe we found it!” 

“Yep, things are really shaping up now.” 

Jack let go of him and fell back on his pillow with a sigh. 

“Well, there is that spot back in the trees that still needs something,” he mused, clasping his hands behind his head. 

Daniel twisted around to face him.  “No, it’s all done,” he assured him with a smile.  “Or it will be, by the time we get back home.” 

Raising an eyebrow in Daniel’s direction, Jack asked, “Really?  I thought you told me you were broke?” 

Daniel reached down to slip off his shoes and socks. 

He pulled off his glasses and set them on the nightstand with the rose. 

“Well, I sort of am.  I mean, my paycheck has probably been direct deposited since Friday, so I may have some money by now, but I paid for all the garden stuff two weeks ago.  It just took a while for the fabrics to get here from Egypt, and I didn’t want anything else going up until that arrived, so I arranged for it to be put together while we’re away this week,” he announced in a matter of fact voice. 

He took off his shirt and tossed it on the floor, then started to unbutton his pants. 

“It should be ready for our anniversary after we get home.” 

“Egypt?”  Both Jack’s eyebrows went up.  “Anniversary?” 

“You don’t remember?”  Daniel turned around and shot him a look.  “On June seventh.  That was when I gave my answer to your coded message.” 

He blushed slightly.  “That was when we made love the first time, Jack.  Don’t _tell_ me you forgot!” 

“And if I had?  You gonna get all bent outta shape at me and not speak to me for a week?”  Jack rolled onto his side and got up on one elbow, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth, his face relaxed, obviously teasing.   

Daniel rolled his eyes and reached into the nightstand drawer for the little bottle of Astroglide he’d secreted there earlier, setting it out in handy reach. 

“Consider this your advance warning.  Do you want a daily reminder, or would you rather just blow it off completely?  ‘Cause _I_ have _plans.”_  

He seemed to be hinting about potential smuttiness and naughty behavior.  

Jack grinned broadly, picking up on the hint instantly.  “Yeah?  What kinda plans?” 

Turning back to the task at hand, Daniel unfastened his pants and leaned back on the bed to push them off along with his underwear. 

He scooted back a bit and his head landed on Jack’s belly as he turned to look into his lover’s face. 

“You’re still dressed,” he observed in a casual voice.  “I thought we were gonna… you know.” 

Jack took a handful of Daniel’s long mane and dragged his fingers through it, loving the silky feel of it against his fingers and belly. 

“What kinda plans?  And aren’t you just Mister Romantic all of a sudden.” 

 “Get naked, Jack.”  Daniel gave him an impatient look.  “And that’s _Doctor_ Romantic, to you.”  

With a low chuckle, Jack slid out from under him and got up to take off his own clothes.  Suddenly self-conscious and more than a little overwhelmed, he kept his back to Daniel.  He could hear him turning down the bed and getting under the covers. 

Jack was trying desperately to tamp down his excitement and not get ahead of himself or expect too much.  

As soon as Jack’s shirt came off, Daniel said, “Your tattoos,” a note of surprise in his voice. “Huh.” 

 _Oh, shit_.  

Jack had forgotten about them, since he never saw them. 

His mind scrambled for something to say, but a small, quiet voice in the depths of his soul reminded him that this was _Daniel._  

He deserved the truth, and nothing less. 

Jack sat down on the bed, lifted the covers, and started to lie down until he felt Daniel’s fingers touch his back.

He sat very still, his feet still on the floor, and waited, trying to look at Daniel over his shoulder to gauge his reaction.  

He knew Daniel might be angry that Jack had let someone else see what he’d painted there, and even though no one outside of the SGC would ever be able to read the alien text, Jack knew it had been something personal for them both.  Letting a tattoo artist etch the secret words into his skin might be seen as another betrayal, something meant to stay just between them now made permanent for anyone to see, and Jack didn’t want that. 

He swallowed hard, still trying to figure out how to respond, how to get the words out of explanation of his mouth.  

“The tattoos, they...” Daniel’s fingers rubbed at Jack’s skin.  “They didn’t wear off.  How come?  The last time I touched them up was right before you… we… um, before we broke up.  That was almost two months ago, and they’re still clear and sharp.” 

“Uh.”  Jack glanced over his shoulder and then back down at the floor.

Anxiety rose, and he lay down slowly on his back, looking straight up at the ceiling. 

“I… uh… I had the design permanently applied.  The tattoo artist thought it was some weird barcode.” 

Oh, how he hoped Daniel understood!  Jack had no idea how Daniel felt about real tattoos, or about that private message being permanently imprinted on his lover’s skin for anyone to see. 

“It was while you were.  Um, gone.  I…I thought we were finished,” Jack explained, blinking at the ceiling.  “I couldn’t lose the words you wrote for me, even if I never see them.  I had to keep that letter you wrote me, to have it with me for the rest of my life.”   

After a moment of silence, Jack turned his head on the pillow and risked a glance as his lover. 

“You’re my _last_ partner, Daniel. There won’t be anyone after you, and your letter was all I had of you that I could keep.  I couldn’t let it just fade away to nothing.”     

“Jack O’Neill, you’re a romantic sap, you know that?” Daniel was grinning, obviously pleased. 

He leaned over and planted a big kiss on Jack’s cheek, then gave him a couple of teasing pokes in the side.   

Jack caught at his hand and just held it to prevent any possible tickling that might follow.  He was breathless with relief.  “Just don’t tell anybody about the sap, okay?” asked Jack gruffly.  “I’ve got a rep to protect.  Fear to instill in wet-behind-the-ears recruits, even if I am just a civilian trainer.  You know?” 

With a soft sigh of approval, Daniel nodded.  “I know, Jack.  This is just for me, and I love that about you.” 

He scooted down on the pillows, wriggling over to the middle of the bed. 

He looked at Jack with love in his eyes and asked, “Want me to read it to you again?” 

Even though he had the message memorized from all the times Daniel had “read” it to him before, Jack nodded, let go of Daniel’s hand, and started to turn over. 

“No, get on top of me, Jack.” 

“What?”  Jack saw Daniel swallow hard, uncertainty warring with desire in his eyes.  “How’re you gonna read it when you can’t see it?” 

“I want you to lie on top of me,” Daniel explained again, patiently.  “I don’t have to see it, you know, since I memorized it long ago.  Just get on top of me so I can hold you, and I’ll read it with my fingers, like you taught me in love school. Remember?”

”Oh.” 

That seemed like a lifetime ago, almost as if it had happened to someone else.

Jack stared at Daniel, devouring him with his eyes, wanting that moment to go on forever. 

Daniel understood his hesitation and reached out to touch his face, rubbing his thumb from Jack’s chin up the curve of his jaw. 

“Just belly fucking, okay?” he murmured.  “I think that’ll be a good start for us.” 

A wave of relief surged through Jack, and he nodded. 

Carefully, he turned over beneath the covers and crawled on top of Daniel, settling himself gently down between Daniel’s open legs, resting his upper body on his elbows. 

For a moment they just looked at each other. 

“Can you tell I’m scared shitless?” asked Jack breathlessly, aware of his heart pounding in his chest, and a similar rhythm beating against him in his lover. 

Daniel pulled the covers up over Jack’s back, making a little cocoon for them in the cool room. 

“That would be two of us, then,” Daniel agreed.  “So, maybe we should try kissing.  I mean, neither one of us is even hard, here.” 

“Part of that scared shitless thing, I’m sure,” said Jack. 

Daniel chuckled.  “Yeah.  I know.  But I imagine we’ll get over it, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Jack breathed at him with a little smile.  “Hey, I thought you were gonna read the dusty old artifact,” Jack reminded him teasingly.

The humor helped, and Jack felt himself starting to relax. 

“You’re neither dusty nor old.”  Daniel’s hands came up around Jack’s back, the fingers of his right hand starting near the top of Jack’s left shoulder, pressing gently into his back, tracing across the characters now permanently inked into Jack’s skin. 

He took a deep breath, looking happily into Jack’s eyes, and started to recite the love letter he’d written to Jack on his birthday. 

 _“All my life, I have lived in a desert, a wasteland with no features but endless sand and sky.  Knowledge lit my universe, shining brightly by day, glowing by a million pinprick stars at night_.” 

Jack gazed down into those fathomless blue eyes staring straight back into his, and felt the warmth coiling up in his belly, the love he felt for this man steady and sure, fanning the coals of desire into life. 

He felt at peace again with Daniel in his arms. 

They were connecting again, all the tattered pieces and frayed ends of their souls knitting themselves back into a seamless whole.  

Fears and uncertainties vanished.  Joy rose like the morning sun, and Jack pledged himself silently to this one man as he listened to the beautiful words his lover was murmuring, while Daniel’s fingers traced the neat rows of compressed alien text that neither of them could even see.  

Daniel knew the landscape of Jack’s body by heart; every plane, every swell of muscle, the pattern of every hair. 

 _“There were no walls in my barren world to keep people out, but I could not leave that place.  Sometimes I would glimpse others who traveled close, but no one ever managed to make the trek all the way to where I was.  No one but you.”_  

The fingers of Daniel’s left hand came up to cradle Jack’s cheek.  Jack closed his eyes and pressed against that warm palm, rubbing his face against it.  Daniel’s voice sent warm tendrils of delight all through Jack’s body, leaving only peace and pleasure in its wake. 

 _“When you came to me, you stayed by my side, offering me shade in the heat of the day and warmth in the cold night.  You brought cooling water and rich, fertile earth and changed my barren world into a garden of unmatched beauty.  With a sweep of your heart, you changed my desert to Eden, and helped me understand that there is more in the universe than the cold satisfaction of knowledge.”_  

Jack whispered his lover’s name and opened his eyes to regard him again.  He leaned onto one elbow so he could move his hands up, where he could reach Daniel’s face. 

Tenderly, he laid his fingertips lightly against Daniel’s lips so he could feel the words that came next. 

 _“There is faith and hope and love, bright things I never truly grasped before.  I have always had trouble believing in gods, but from the beginning…  I have always believed in you.”_  

For a long time they just held each other’s gaze, the silence in the room absolute except for the sounds of their soft breathing and their own heartbeats in their ears. 

Jack ran the backs of his fingers along Daniel’s cheek, looking into those amazing eyes, watching Daniel memorizing his face all over again. 

Jack took a deep, slow breath.  “I’ve always believed in you, too, Danny. I know I’ve failed you so many times in the past, but you were _always_ there for me.” 

“Not when it mattered most,” Daniel corrected, rolling his head slightly from side to side on the pillow.  “I walked out on you when you needed me most.  The one time you _really_ needed me to listen and understand, I cut you out of my life.  I should’ve listened when you tried to explain, and I didn’t.” 

“You couldn’t,” Jack argued back gently.  “I hurt you too much.  I knew that.  I understood.” 

“Never again,” Daniel swore, his hand wrapping around Jack’s nape, holding onto him, shaking him a little bit for emphasis.  “From now on, we hold back nothing from each other.  Promise me, Jack.” 

“I never meant to hurt you,” Jack assured him.  “And I never will again, babe.  I promise.  I’d rather die first.” 

He moved his fingers to Daniel’s cheek, stroking the beginnings of five o’clock shadow and trailing into his sideburns. 

Daniel nodded.  “I know.  And as crazy as it sounds to say this, I think all this was a good thing for us.  If it hadn’t happened, we’d both still be right where we were, locked in our pasts, with no way to really give our whole selves to each other.” 

He swallowed hard.  “I think, maybe, if we can share those really big, ugly secrets with each other, we can survive anything.” 

“Yeah,” Jack said in a hoarse whisper, “I think so, too.” 

Daniel’s eyes roved all over Jack’s face, taking in every inch of him.  His voice was husky and deep when he commanded softly, “Kiss me, Jack, and don’t stop till I tell you to.” 

His hands moved down to the small of Jack’s back and began to knead, his fingers rippling in gentle little waves across Jack’s skin. 

With a groan, Jack’s eyes closed, losing himself in that magical, familiar touch. He bent his head to Daniel, just stroking his dry lips over his lover’s, feeling the heat of his breath and the smooth flesh of his lips and drinking it in.

“God, how I’ve missed this, Danny,” he whispered. ”Missed _you_. Missed _us.”_  

“Mmmm,” agreed Daniel.  His tongue darted out and flicked against Jack’s lower lip. “Kiss me,” he begged hungrily. 

Jack pressed his lips to Daniel’s and they parted instantly.  He tasted Daniel, nibbling his lower lip, sucking gently on it while the fire in his belly quickly spread through the rest of him.  He raised himself up on his knees to allow both their erections to spring upward against their bellies, and settled gently back over Daniel.  He gave a tentative little push against that hard abdomen and felt his cock pull at the tender skin there. 

They needed some kind of lubrication, and he pulled away from Daniel’s hungry mouth, shifting off him to lie at his side, reaching for the bottle of Astroglide on the nightstand. 

“Don’t go!”  Daniel cried softly, grasping at him. 

“Not goin’ anywhere, babe,” Jack promised, dropping the bottle on the bed beside them for later. 

Jack wanted to explore, to rediscover all of Daniel’s body with every part of him.  Daniel turned onto his side facing Jack and kissed him again, delving deeply into his mouth, searching everywhere with his tongue while his hands probed every swell of muscle and bone, every pliable inch of what Jack could reach of his lover.  

Passion built until Jack lay trembling beside him, his heart banging against his ribs, hands roughly seeking. 

Daniel writhed against the bed and Jack’s body, his hands clawing at Jack, demanding and needy.  They broke apart to breathe, and Jack turned his lips to exploring Daniel’s neck and collarbones, his tongue dipping into the sweet hollow of his throat, his teeth grazing over the hard bones beside it.  Jack moved down to Daniel’s chest, tasting the salty sheen now flavoring his skin.  He suckled Daniel’s hardened nipple, groaning at the sharp, loud response that got, and then Daniel’s hands were in his short hair, pulling him harder against his chest, his body pressing upward to Jack’s lips. 

He took Daniel’s nipple between his teeth and nipped it gently, just the way he knew Daniel liked it, and was rewarded with an ecstatic shout as Daniel arched off the bed.  Jack’s hand swept down Daniel’s belly, one finger dipping into his navel briefly, then skimming downward to firmly grasp Daniel’s stiff cock. 

Jack groaned, reveling in the feel of his lover’s hardness in his hand, that silky flesh so hot and smooth.  He squeezed and got a deep, breathless grunt that made him smile and turn his attention to Daniel’s other nipple while he stroked and fondled Daniel’s cock and balls. 

Jack felt like a starving man.  He wanted to be gentle, but the strength of his desire and Daniel’s responses, urging him for more, harder, faster, pushed him beyond reason.  He swept downward and took Daniel’s cock in his mouth, sucking him, laving him, heedless of his teeth in his desperate need to have all of Daniel, some tiny part of his mind aware that he should slow down, be more careful, but unable to comply. 

“Yes!”  Daniel cried, his hands holding Jack’s head to him as he thrust into his mouth.  “Oh, God, Jack, yes!  Suck me.  Fuck me.  God, Jack, I love you!” 

He was whimpering now, and Jack knew he was close. 

He wanted to come with his lover and climbed on top of him, settling between Daniel’s spread legs.  Quickly, he picked up the Astroglide, flipped open the cap with his thumb and drizzled some of it on Daniel’s belly, then capped it and dropped it on the bed.  Jack lay on top of Daniel and took his face in his hands and kissed him, hard and hungry, teeth bruising Daniel’s lips as he thrust against his lover’s glistening belly and spit-slicked cock. 

Daniel clutched at him, his fingers digging into Jack’s back and buttocks, his left leg hooking over Jack’s back to hold him tighter still. 

Jack jammed himself against Daniel, hips pistoning into the slippery void between their bodies.

“Daniel,” he gasped, tearing himself away from that hot mouth.  “I’m gonna—“ 

“Yes!”  Daniel cried, thrusting hard against Jack, his hips rising off the bed as he came, throbbing against Jack’s belly, his whole body clenched with pleasure and passion. 

Jack was only an instant behind him, his mouth latched onto Daniel’s neck, sucking hard, with Daniel’s hands on his head, holding him tighter. 

He used his teeth, marking Daniel, leaving a bruise, and clinging to him for dear life as his cock pulsed with his lover’s. He felt the hot, sticky fluid gluing them together and thrust a few more times when he could bear it, rocking Daniel gently with his quickly dwindling cock. 

When the hardness was gone, he just lay quietly, wrapped up in Daniel, thinking he was the luckiest man on this or any other planet in the universe. 

“Love you,” Daniel whispered, his left hand coming up to massage the back of Jack’s neck.  “That was…” 

Jack felt Daniel’s cheeks flex with a smile against his neck, just as he was seriously thinking about moving his nose out of the pillow so he could breathe soon. 

“…very nice,” Daniel finished on a sigh. 

“Mmmmm,” Jack agreed, finally releasing his lip-lock on Daniel’s neck. 

He turned his head to suck in a much-needed breath and sighed it out, utterly at peace, happier than he could ever remember being in his whole life. 

“Am I too heavy?” 

Daniel’s arms closed around him and held him in place. 

“Move and I’ll hurt you,” he teased, followed by a half-smothered snicker.  “I’m not fragile, you know.  You’re just fine, right where you are.” 

“That’s good, because I don’t think I _can_ move right now.” 

Jack felt how his body was molded to Daniel’s, the sticky, gooey come on their bellies gluing them together, the sensation of Daniel’s soft cock nestled right beside his own, and smiled. 

This was the greatest feeling in the world, and he wanted it to last forever. 

He just needed one more thing -- another look at that beautiful, sexy, just-fucked expression. 

Slowly, having to consciously command his body to move as he ordered, he raised himself up on his elbows and gazed at his lover. 

Daniel’s lips were dark pink and swollen from kissing.  He was flushed and sweaty, his hair sticking to his forehead, eyelashes stuck together with tears.  Tracks of wetness scrolled across his temples and into his hair, and Jack’s heart tightened a little at the sight, understanding instantly that they were tears of joy, shed during their lovemaking. 

Daniel had never looked more beautiful. 

“You okay, babe?”  Jack asked softly. 

A huge smile flashed across Daniel’s face and he chuckled.  “Nope, not just okay.  I think I might have just ascended again.”   

“Kinda went all glowy, huh?’’  Jack gave him a light kiss on the lips. 

“Yep.” 

“Well, I think I went with you this time.” 

Jack sighed and slowly moved off his lover, stretching out at his side, one leg nestled between Daniel’s, his hand settled on Daniel’s chest over his heart.  He pressed his face into Daniel’s neck, breathing in the musky man-scent, feeling the steady beat of Daniel’s heart against his palm.  Daniel’s right arm snaked around his shoulders, his left hand on top of Jack’s, fingers lightly curled around his palm.  

They lay together like that for many minutes, both silent and involved with their thoughts, drowsing in the peaceful quiet of their room. 

Jack finally stirred, hugging Daniel closer and nuzzling his shoulder. 

“This is the happiest I’ve been in so long I can’t remember, Daniel,” he admitted quietly.  “Thank you.” 

“That makes two of us, then.”  Daniel’s cheek pressed against his hair.  “But you know what?” 

“What?”  Jack lifted his head to look into his lover’s face. 

Daniel’s stomach growled.  Loudly. 

Jack chuckled. 

“I’m _hungry_ ,” Daniel declared. “Wanna go get something to eat?” 

“You are _such_ a guy,” Jack shot back teasingly.  “Whatever happened to afterglow? To romance? Daniel, I’ve still got a lot to teach you about bedroom etiquette.” 

“As long as I get fed first, it’s a deal.” 

He eased out from under Jack, sat up, and hobbled toward the bathroom without his cane. 

Jack spread himself out on the bed and listened for the shower to start. 

The rose caught his eye and he stared at it, contemplating.  He got up on one elbow and leaned over to inhale its sweet fragrance, thinking about Daniel and how the nursery woman’s description of this variety of rose fit him so perfectly. 

Then he thought about the name of the rose, and let his imagination run with that mental picture for a moment. 

 _Snowfire._  

He pictured a landscape covered in snow, and how beautiful that was.  The image of that same landscape consumed by symbolic, mystical fire followed it up, feeding the flames, destroying everything in the process.  Beneath a layer of ashes, the roots and bulbs and planted seeds would survive to re-emerge and color the landscape green again, then sleep beneath a blanket of spotless winter white, repeating itself in an endless cycle.

The snow and the fire, heat and cold, summer and winter; eternal opposites, each element necessary to appreciate the qualities of the other. 

That, too, was Daniel.  He was a man capable of both cold logic and passion so hot it scorched all who came into contact with it. He was also _both_ soldier and scholar, yet underneath the snow and the fire, the intellect and the passion, he was a survivor. 

Daniel had always found a way to come back to Jack, to bloom for him beneath his tender, patient care. 

Daniel was the rose, all by himself.  Two sides of the same petal, snow and fire. He smiled, stroking his lips over the velvety petals as he had seen his lover do at the nursery.  The name, he thought, was perfectly appropriate to describe Daniel Jackson, as well as the two of them. Daniel would see the rose as symbolic of them as a couple, but to Jack, it would be an expression of Daniel himself. 

Jack pictured the bush that would be arriving soon, thriving in the special bed built for it.  The dark green bush would stand out against the pale yellow stones, and the spectacular flowers would draw the eyes of everyone who saw them, just as they had Daniel’s when they’d been whizzing by the nursery in the car. 

“Perfect,” mused Jack.  He ran his fingertips over the thorny stem, feeling the sharp prickles grazing his skin.  This was Daniel, all right.  Handle with care, deal with various problems as they arose, and stand back to watch him bloom and knock people’s eyes out with his beauty. 

Yes, Jack thought to himself. This was indeed The One, just like Daniel himself.

He was the Snowfire Rose, the one blossom that was like no other, just as his grandmother foretold, and once it was planted at his home, their garden would be complete.

 

* * *

 

 

**7 June**

**A Week Later**

Jack awoke alone, his hands instantly reaching over to Daniel’s side of their bed. 

The sheets were cold, telling him that his lover had been up for a while.  The scent of fresh coffee drew him to turn and face the nightstand, and he smiled when he saw his favorite cup sitting in a saucer with a small card propped up against it. 

He reached for the card first, rubbing bleary eyes to get them to focus. 

The front read, “Happy Anniversary.”  The English greeting was surrounded in pale, multicolored scripts and symbols that told him Daniel had made the card for him, and that the various scripts in pastel colored pencil were the same greeting in many of languages his lover spoke. 

Jack wondered if Daniel were even aware of just how brilliant and talented he was. 

Somehow, Jack doubted that sort of thing ever crossed Daniel’s mind. 

He opened the card and found an exquisite drawing of one of the Snowfire roses in all its beauty. 

Above it, in Daniel’s handwriting, it said, “ _Love Jack_.” 

Beneath it were the words, “ _I do.  Dear Daniel_.” 

Jack chuckled at Daniel’s inventive reworking of his off-the-cuff description of the centerpiece plant he wanted for the garden, now thriving there.  It amazed Jack that Daniel remembered such throwaway comments, but that was one of the wonderful things he adored about the man.  One never knew what little details might make an impression and stick in his genius mind, only to come back enhanced and polished and made into something unforgettably beautiful, like this card. 

He swallowed down the lump in his throat with a sip of coffee, sitting on the side of the bed and appreciating the early morning sunshine. 

They had both scheduled the day off work to celebrate their anniversary, and Jack couldn’t help wondering what Daniel had up his sleeve.  He had refused to give Jack even a single hint, leaving Jack helpless to do any planning of his own.  He _had_ invested in an anniversary gift, however, needing only the proper moment to give it to his partner. 

Since it was too big to put in the house without Daniel seeing it, thus spoiling the surprise, Jack was still at a loss how and when to make the presentation. 

Finishing the last drop of coffee, Jack set the cup back on the saucer and padded naked into the bathroom. 

There he found a note taped to the mirror, also in Daniel’s hand.

 

_Jack,  
_

_Randall James will be here at 9 AM to make you all loose and pliable for me.  There’s a very small breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen, and we’ll go out to brunch later in the morning when you’re more relaxed.  I’ve got a big day planned for us, so enjoy._

_All my love,_

_Daniel_

 

Jack smiled and hurried through his morning grooming, slipped into a pair of loose boxers and covered them with his robe.

He went into the living room to find the massage table already laid out in the living room. 

Randall was standing on the deck, enjoying a cup of coffee and looking out over the yard.

Jack carried his buttered croissants outside and took a seat at the table. 

He offered a croissant to the massage therapist, and was told that Daniel had already fed him. 

“I’m not surprised,” said Jack with a grin.  

Randall gave him a knowing little smile.  “Doctor Jackson’s a great guy, Colonel. Made me feel right at home.” 

Jack nodded, pride oozing out of his pores.  “Yeah, he sure is, Randall.  And for the millionth time, you can call me Jack. We’ve known each other long enough for that, and I've been a civilian for a year now.” 

The massage therapist shook his head.  “No, sir.  Professional policy.  I never get familiar with my clients.  It’s better that way.” 

“I can accept that,” Jack agreed.  “Just gimme a minute, and I’ll get settled on the table.  Meanwhile, take a stroll in the garden if you want.  Have a seat.  Make yourself comfy.  _Mi casa es su casa.”_  

“Don’t hurry your breakfast,” Randall cautioned pleasantly, obviously enjoying his view of the garden.  “Take your time.” 

With a grunt of assent, Jack took a bite of the flaky pastry slathered with homemade herbed butter and started chewing. 

He groaned at the delightful flavor.  Daniel had been doing things with seasonings again and the results were a gastronomic orgasm. 

Randall’s soft laugh made Jack glance at him.  “Yeah.  I did that, too.  The man can _cook_.” 

“I don’t believe there’s much Daniel can’t do,” Jack stated with authority.  “Did you know he speaks twenty-seven languages?” 

“No kidding?”  Randall’s eyes went wide.  “I knew he was an archaeologist and well traveled, but…” His gray brows drew together.  “Is that some kind of record?  I’ll bet the Guinness Book people would be interested in him.” 

Jack smiled to himself.  “Randall, one day the _whole world_ will know his name.  Trust me on that.” 

He was quiet as he polished off the rest of his light breakfast, mentally rehearsing a list of Daniel’s accomplishments that the world would someday celebrate.  Jack was sure there’d be Doctor Daniel Jackson universities, schools and libraries all over the world – maybe even _several_ worlds. There would be foundations and grants, statues and biographies, all because of the work they had done and were now doing in the mountain.  Daniel Jackson was one of the single most important people in the history of the human race, the man who had tied the Tau’ri First World to many of its offspring civilizations through the Stargate, and who never once thought about the enormity of that accomplishment. 

Jack did, though.  His own name would probably go down in history with Daniel as the first man with the SGC to go through the ‘gate, though he was actually the _second_ man in the modern era to do so.  He’d be lauded as the leader of SG-1 for its first many years and credited for all they’d accomplished during that time, with Daniel at his side, solving problems and saving his ass more times than he could count.  But it wasn’t Jack O’Neill’s team and never had been.  It had been _Daniel’s_ , right from the first mission to Abydos. 

Oh, Jack might have been the military representative keeping watch and appearing to make all the significant decisions, but in matters of what they found, what it meant and what was actually accomplished among all the alien races they discovered – all that had been Daniel’s territory.  He was the one who’d actually led the team, in a quiet, subtle way.  He was the one who’d made the great strides and had done the most to unseat Goa’uld “gods” and bring the snakes down. 

The story of the Stargate was Daniel’s story, and no one knew that better than Jack O’Neill. 

When he finished his breakfast, he gazed at the garden for a few moments, still contemplating the wonder that was Daniel, thanking God for letting him be the lucky one who had snagged his heart. 

 _One year_ , he thought to himself, remembering that first night they’d made love. 

And what an eventful year it had been, too -- to hell and back again. 

It was a year he’d never forget, that was for sure. 

He rose with a sigh and carried his dishes into the kitchen, leaving them in the sink for later.  He went to the living room windows and pulled the drapes they’d had installed so he and Daniel could make love in front of the fireplace.  The CD of his favorite operas was next, and then to the massage table, where he draped his robe and boxers over a nearby chair. He picked up a long towel laid out for him, arranged himself face down on the table, draped the towel over his butt and waited. 

The scent of almond oil came to him through the slit in the upholstered surface just before Randall’s hands went to work on his back.  Oil was smoothed lightly over his skin, supplying necessary lubrication so the therapist’s hands wouldn’t pull delicate skin, and reducing friction to keep too much heat from making the therapy uncomfortable. 

Jack sighed into the facial vent as those skilled hands worked his muscles, squeezing out knots of tension he hadn’t even known were there. 

When Randall had been over him from head to toes, he heard the man instruct him to turn carefully onto his back, holding the towel in place with one hand while he turned and resettling it over his groin when he was arranged on his back. 

Jack eyed the therapist, and Randall chuckled softly. 

“Doctor Jackson requested that you have a _full_ body massage, which includes both sides,” he explained.  He reached into a nearby bowl and retrieved a soft cloth, squeezed excess water out of it and unfolded the steamy terrycloth square. “I’ll cover your face with this to help relax you, and after I finish with your feet, I’ll wash my hands and give you a facial massage, too.  You’re getting the four-star treatment today, Colonel.” 

The heated cloth felt blissfully good on Jack’s face.  At some point during the massage he fell asleep, waking slowly as the now-cooled cloth was lifted off him.  He didn’t open his eyes, just lay there, waiting for those skilled fingers to do his face. 

When that was over, Randall spoke quietly. 

“I’ll be by in a little while to pick up my table.  Doctor Jackson promised to leave it on the deck out back for me. Have a wonderful anniversary, Colonel O’Neill, and congratulations.” 

Jack smiled.  “Thanks, Randall.” 

It took him a few moments to open his eyes, and when he did he saw Daniel bending over him and smiling. 

“Close your eyes again, Jack,” he whispered.  “Just lie still.  Randall’s gone, and we’re alone.  The door’s locked, curtains are drawn, and I want to give you something.” 

“What?” asked Jack, still smiling, already having a good idea what the answer to his question was. 

Daniel squeezed out another heated cloth and laid it over Jack’s face.  “Just relax and let me have my way with you, okay?  This is just for you.” 

“Mmmm,” agreed Jack from beneath the cloth.  He felt the towel over his groin lifted off, and then warm hands took his cock in them and placed the soft flesh into Daniel’s hot, wet mouth. 

“Oh, Godddddddd,” Jack moaned, his hands reaching for Daniel’s hair and shoulders. 

“Just lie back,” Daniel said, disengaging for a moment.  “Relax.  Let me do _everything_ here, okay?” 

Jack grunted and relaxed against the table, losing himself in the liquid joy of Daniel’s talented mouth.  He was so relaxed he thought he could just lie there forever and let Daniel suck on him, but his wily lover had other ideas and soon Jack was curling up on the table, flinging the face cloth aside, gasping and clutching at Daniel’s shirt and hair. 

Jack’s body jerked and spasmed as he came, thrusting fiercely into Daniel’s mouth. 

He flopped backward onto the table in a boneless heap, one arm over his eyes, a ragged sigh issuing out of him. 

“Wow, Danny, that was…”  

When there wasn’t a sound from Daniel, Jack sat up a bit and looked for him, expecting to find him right beside the table, but he was gone. 

With great effort, Jack pulled his wits together, forcing his body to work with as much coordination as possible as he rose from the massage table. 

“Daniel?”  Jack called.  “Hey!  Where are ya?” 

He tottered on unsteady legs out into the kitchen, but Daniel wasn’t there.  He headed for their bedroom and found the bed made and clothing laid out for him, along with another handmade card. 

“This seems awfully familiar,” he said loudly to the house, grinning hugely.  

Daniel didn’t answer, and Jack wondered if he were out in the garden, pulling petals off every available flower in preparation for their anniversary night in bed.  

Chuckling to himself, he took a shower and shaved, brushed his teeth and got all squeaky clean.  He put on the snugly fitting clothes Daniel had chosen for him – a new, very soft light blue T-shirt, and faded, pale blue jeans so old there were holes worn at the knees and a little threadbare across the seat, with no underwear beneath.  He finished up with a black snakeskin belt with silver conchos and a silver tip on the loose end of the belt.

 Jack slipped his bare feet into his favorite black Birkenstocks, checked his look in the bathroom mirror and touched up his hair with a swipe of his comb. 

He regretted cutting it now, but it would be a long time before the barber saw him again. 

Almost as an afterthought, he hunted up his earring in the bathroom drawer and worked the hoop through the nearly closed hole in his left earlobe. 

Daniel like the earring, so Jack was going to wear it for him. 

He knew he needed longer hair to complete the look, but that would take care of itself in time. 

Deciding he looked as good as he was going to get, he returned to the bed to read Daniel’s next card.

 

_Lunch?_

_I’ll be waiting in the driveway. Thought you might like to go out for a while._

_Love always,_

_Your Daniel_

 

Jack met him outside, and they drove to O’Malley’s for steaks. After a satisfying lunch, they spent an hour just driving around and talking, enjoying each other’s company.  

They visited a bookstore where Daniel invested in yet more books for his professional library.  Jack bought a couple of novels for light reading, still plotting how to get Daniel to the gift Jack had chosen for him.

The store where he'd purchased it was close to the Citadel Mall off Airport Road, but Daniel couldn’t do lots of walking, so prowling the mall under the pretense of anniversary shopping wouldn’t cut it as a suitable disguise. 

Then Jack remembered something that made him smile.

He turned the truck back toward his neighborhood. 

“Where to now, Jack?” asked Daniel with a smile. 

“Just need to drop by and check on something,” he said quietly. “Did you have other specific plans?” 

Daniel glanced at his watch. “Well…”

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out two tickets to a Rockies game at Coors Field. “We’ve still got a little time before the game starts.” 

Jack grinned. “You _do_ know what turns me on, don’t you.” 

“I’ve made a study of it,” said Daniel with a smug smile. 

“I don’t doubt that for a second.”   
He drove toward his house, turning before he reached his Bear Creek Canyon neighborhood.  Pulling into the Grace Manor parking lot, he parked as close to the door as he could and got out. 

Glancing at Daniel, he asked, “You coming?” 

Daniel glanced around the campus of the retirement home, taking note of all the familiar potted plants, the ones Jack had brought from his home after their break-up.  Some lined the sidewalk, others sat at the sides of the wide, welcoming porch under the awning.  A few were placed on windowsills inside the rooms. 

 “Our plants.  I’m glad to see they’re still alive.”  A shadow passed over Daniel’s face.  “But what are we doing here?”   

“I have an anniversary present for you, too,” Jack confessed.  “Only I couldn’t think of how to give it to you.  Then I remembered something I brought here a while back.  I thought I’d surprise you with a visit to an old friend.  C’m’on with me; I’ll show you.” 

Jack waited for Daniel to round the truck and walked beside him, passing through the front doors into a spacious lobby where a handful of elderly folks sat around in conversation.  A nursing station sat just behind that, and past that was a large, sunlit room with big windows looking out onto a landscaped area. 

O’Neill led the way into the spacious room after a brief stop to check in with the staff. 

The recreation room had sets of tables and chairs scattered all across it, where small groups of elders sat around talking and playing cards or dominoes.  Way in the back was an open area, presumably for group functions like dancing, and beside that was a large walnut piano, a beautiful antique square grand. 

Jack touched Daniel’s elbow and nodded toward the back corner, directing Daniel’s gaze. 

“This is where I brought it when you… Uh.” 

He couldn’t say the words, partly because of the security breach it might pose and partly because of the lump forming in his throat at the memory of his lover's ascension. 

Daniel’s mouth fell open in a small ‘o’ of surprise. 

“My old piano!” 

He made a beeline for it and Jack followed him there, watching as Daniel’s hands smoothed over the beloved surfaces. 

He lifted the key cover and pushed it back as he took a seat on the bench, his eyes wide in shock and surprise. 

“Look at this, Jack,” he exclaimed with an expression of delight.  “You’re unbelievable! I never thought I’d see this old beauty again.” 

“I wanted it to go someplace where people would enjoy hearing it played,” Jack murmured, his hand settling on Daniel’s shoulder.  “It probably belongs in a museum, but a few folks here know how to play it, and every Saturday night it gets a good workout.”   

“I’m glad it went to a place where it could be enjoyed,” Daniel murmured, looking down at the old ivory keys, running his index finger along the edge of them.  “In a museum, no one would ever be able to hear its beautiful music.” 

Jack squeezed the warm shoulder under his hand.  "Will you play something for me now, for our anniversary?" 

He went alongside the piano and leaned his forearms on its smooth surface, anxious to hear Daniel play again. 

He didn’t know if Daniel were even listening until he lifted his eyes, gleaming with adoration in the wake of a soft smile. 

Without a word, Daniel started to play, his fingers moving steadily across the keys, eyes on Jack, every note meant for him alone. 

Jack recognized this piece as Beethoven’s _Moonlight Sonata_ , and thought it was the most beautiful music he'd ever heard. 

"For you," Daniel whispered as the last notes hung briefly in the air. 

A quavering voice called out from somewhere in the back of the room, "Do you know anything a little more lively, son?" 

Jack tipped up his chin and winked, silently telling Daniel to go for it. 

With a low laugh, Daniel started playing _Music Box Dancer_ , his fingers bouncing happily over the keys.  People sitting at tables in the room turned around and stared at the pianist as others sat in mute silence, some holding hands, feet tapping here and there, heads bobbing gently as the bright music took them to places long ago and far away.  

As Jack watched, he saw that Daniel was studying his audience now, observing how the piece affected them, taking them on a journey to someplace fun. 

For a long time Jack just stood there, leaning on the piano, his heart bursting with pride as he watched the residents gravitate toward the musician like flies to honey. 

Soon they were surrounding the two men, clapping and cheering, calling out names of old favorite songs, and there were few Daniel didn’t know.  

His range of musical genres was as all-encompassing as his skill with languages. He played classical, blues, Broadway tunes, Irish drinking songs, pop hits. Some of the audience sang along with him as he led the chorus. 

Daniel’s face brightened with the flush of pleasure as he played, his eyes gleaming and happy, and Jack knew he’d made the right choice in coming there. 

After over an hour of energetic pounding of the keys, Daniel finished the song he was playing and rose to the sound of a huge round of applause that left him blushing and tongue-tied. 

With a promise to return and play another day, Daniel hobbled out beside his lover, a little breathless as he climbed into the truck. 

“You weren’t planning on taking my piano back, were you?” he asked quietly.  “I think it belongs here now.  You picked the perfect place for it.” 

“Oh, no,” Jack assured him.  “I just thought you’d enjoy seeing the old gal again, knowing what happened to it, and that it’s loved.” 

Daniel’s gaze dropped to his hands in his lap, twirling the cane between his knees. 

“I recognized it before you told me it was mine,” he said quietly.  “I always wondered where it had gone, but didn’t want to stir up bad memories by asking you.” 

Jack reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a card, sealed in an envelope, with Daniel’s name neatly printed on it. 

“I think this is a good time for you to open your present,” he said with a knowing grin. 

With fingers still trembling from tickling the ivories, Daniel unsealed the envelope and pulled out the card. 

It read, _Happy Anniversary_.  Inside, Jack had written, _Thank you for the second chance._

He had signed his name inside a hand-drawn heart, and taped beneath his signature was a small glossy photograph of another square grand piano, a Simpson made of gleaming polished rosewood.   

“We’ll have to make room for it somewhere,” he told Daniel.  “What do you think of turning the spare room into a music room?  Or maybe put it on the other side of the living room from the fireplace where you can play for everyone at parties?” 

Daniel lifted wide blue eyes from the card to regard him, shock on his face. 

“You bought me an antique piano?  Wow.  I know how much these things cost.” 

Jack laughed a little.  “I make plenty of money now that I’m a civilian advisor, and my finances are just fine.  Your present should be delivered this weekend and tuned sometime next week.  All we have to do is find a place to put it.  Happy anniversary, Danny.” 

The card shook in Daniel’s grasp.  He grinned from ear to ear at Jack and then turned his gaze back down to it. 

“You have no idea how I’ve missed my piano.”  He paused.  “Whenever things would go horribly wrong, I used to play the pain away.  I haven’t been able to do that since I… came back.” 

More than anything, Jack wanted to reach out and hold him, to offer him a little comfort in that moment, but he kept still, sitting behind the wheel. 

“I wasn’t even sure you played, till last year at the Brown Palace.  After that night, I knew it’d be the perfect anniversary gift for you.  Been paying on it most of a year, even all during the time we were apart.  I finally got it out of hock just in time for today, only I couldn’t move it into the house without you seeing it.  I was having a hell of a time trying to figure out how to give it to you.” 

He glanced at the nursing home. 

“Then I remembered this.” 

Daniel reached out, leaning across the space between the seats, and hugged Jack’s neck.  “Thank you.  It’s perfect.” 

He kissed Jack’s cheek and retreated back to his seat, punching him gently on the shoulder.  “You’re the best.”   

“You too, babe.  And you’re welcome.  My pleasure.  After all, I’ll get to hear all that wonderful music in the house.” 

Jack smiled and reached over to pat Daniel’s thigh.  “But we’d better get going.  We’re gonna be late for the game.” 

Checking his watch, Daniel glanced at the tickets and gasped.  “Jack! Why didn’t you stop me?  We should’ve left half an hour ago!” 

Starting the truck, Jack just chuckled.  “Aw, we won’t miss more than the first inning.  And those old folks woulda lynched me on the spot if I’d taken you away too soon,” he teased.  “I don’t think they even noticed me, but _you_ they’ll remember forever.” 

He winked as he started backing out of the parking space. 

“Hey, look.” 

He nodded toward the front door, drawing Daniel’s astonished eyes to the crowd assembled there, watching them leave. 

“Wave to your adoring audience.”  

Jack laughed as out of the corner of his eye he saw Daniel wave at his public.  They drove off north toward the stadium.  

Hours later, sunburned from the afternoon spent in their infield box seats right behind the Rockies’ dugout, the two men headed for home.  The Rockies had won 12-2 over the powerhouse LA Dodgers, and Jack was holding forth about the game while Daniel quietly listened. 

He was content to just look at his lover, soaking in his happiness.   

When they rolled into the driveway at home, Jack noticed how tired Daniel looked. 

He’d spent a lot of time on his feet and walking around, and without looking, he knew Daniel’s knee would be swollen and hurting. 

“Why don’t you go sit in the whirlpool for a while?”  Jack suggested as they climbed out of the truck.  “When you're done, you can pile up on the sofa in the den, and I’ll bring you some Aleve and an ice pack.” 

Daniel gave a huge sigh of relief. “God, yes! I am _so_ beat.”

He groaned as he straightened up beside the truck and shut his door. 

He met Jack around the front of the vehicle. 

“It’s been a great day, but I sure could use a soak.” 

They hurried up the steps together and unlocked the front door. 

Once inside, Daniel headed down the hall while Jack disabled the alarm and went into the kitchen to pour up some iced tea for himself and his mate. 

He brought the two glasses into the bathroom where Daniel was just easing down into the tub, still filling with warm water. 

Jack parceled out a dose of Aleve, dropped the pills into Daniel’s mouth, and handed him his glass.  Daniel swallowed the medication along with a few gulps of tea as Jack switched on the whirlpool motor to aerate the water and soothe Daniel's damaged knee. 

In the next few seconds, as he took Daniel’s glass from him and watched him lay his head back, his eyes sliding shut, Jack studied the knee, thankful that the swelling wasn't as bad as he'd expected.  Several pink scars criss-crossed their way over the joint, reminding Jack how badly damaged it had once been, and how lucky Daniel was to still have his leg and to be able to walk.  The Academy orthopedists had done an amazing job of rebuilding it, but it would never be as perfect as it once was. 

Jack's eyes traveled up to Daniel’s chest, stopping on the pink, puckered scar that marked where the other alien arrow had struck him. 

Jack's heart constricted.  So many times he'd come too close to losing Daniel, and a few times he actually had.  It was a miracle that the man he loved was sitting in that tub, his beautiful blue eyes closed, head leaning back, skin gleaming with good health and too much sun.   

He put one hand on the top of Daniel’s head and leaned down to put a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

“I’m glad I’ve gotcha,” he murmured.  “You rest, and I’ll go start dinner.”   

Daniel’s eyes opened briefly, and they exchanged a look and a smile.   

Jack straightened up and went into the kitchen to take stock of possibilities for the meal they’d planned for their anniversary. 

He started setting things out and chopping vegetables, and after a while he heard Daniel's cane thumping down the hall toward the den.  

Jack grabbed the bag of frozen peas they kept just to use as an ice bag, beat it against the kitchen counter a little to break up the big frozen clumps inside, and carried it to the den where Daniel was just getting settled in the recliner.  He placed the package gently on Daniel's knee, which already looked much better, gave him a brief kiss, and returned to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner.   

They ate in the den and watched television together for about an hour. 

Then, when Jack got up to take a shower, Daniel went to do a few more mysterious things he didn’t want Jack to see. 

Forty-five minutes later, he came in and found Jack to call him outside onto the deck.  

“Wanna take a walk with me?” he asked shyly, leading the way back outdoors. “I’ve got something to show you.” 

He was carrying a flashlight in his free hand. 

Jack touched Daniel’s left arm as they stood on the deck, skimming his fingers down the soft bare skin beneath the sleeve of his black T-shirt, lacing their fingers together. 

“Shouldn’t you be headed for bed?  We’ve had a big day today. Both of us. I’m pretty tired, too.”  

Daniel smiled, secrets glimmering in his eyes. 

“The day’s not over yet,” he murmured, handing Jack the flashlight to hold.  He led Jack down the deck steps and into the yard. 

“I have one more surprise for you.  And I hope the best is yet to come.” 

Jack kept pace with him across the lawn, heading toward the trees in the back forty. 

Someone next door had mowed their yard recently, the scent of fresh-cut grass mixing with the hickory smoke from a neighbor’s barbecue. Children down the street were playing, their high-pitched voices carrying faintly in the still air, cooling from the day’s heat.  Early evening was heading toward sapphire twilight, and in the distant woods the chirp of crickets could already be heard.   

Past their Snowfire rose, newly planted in its place of honor in the stone-ringed bed, they ambled down a winding flagstone path through the fragrant, colorful plantings and into the shade of the trees.  Deeper into the woods they walked, holding hands in silence, until the house was out of sight and they were surrounded by tall oaks, pines, cedar, ash, and aspen trees.  The evening gloom deepened until it seemed like night had fallen among the trunks reaching up all around them.   

When they had almost reached the stone wall separating Jack’s property from the park beyond it, Daniel stopped walking.

He took the flashlight from Jack, switched it on, and aimed it through the trees to a spot on the wall about ten feet away. 

“Recognize him?” 

Attached to the stone was a two-foot high sculpture.  It was carved of gray-green marble, a face made of leaves, smiling out at the trees, keeping watch over all the green and growing things.

This was Jack-in-Green, the image of the forest spirit after whom his Grandmother O’Neill had given him his nickname.  

Jack pointed at it and made eye contact with his lover.  “You do know who that is, don’t you?” he asked quietly. 

Daniel grinned.  “Yeah.”  His eyes were twinkling.  “It’s _you_.  Take a good look at the face.” 

Taking the light from Daniel and stepping a little closer to study it, Jack was startled by the resemblance.  Daniel must have had it specially made to look like him.  That had to be pretty pricey, too.  No wonder he’d broken his bank account over restoring the garden. 

“Sweet,” he said over his shoulder before he turned back to study it some more. 

“That’s not the best part, though,” Daniel assured him.  “There’s more.” 

Jack faced him, returning to his side.  “Oh?” 

Daniel smiled broadened, mischief in his eyes.  “Well?  Look around and tell me.  What do you think of our secret hideaway?” 

At first, Jack didn’t see anything.  He looked harder, playing the strong flashlight beam around, and finally located a very fine, almost invisible netting, interwoven with live plants that helped to camouflage it.  

Daniel felt his way toward the opening and ducked inside it, with Jack on his heels.  Inside the netting was another, smaller enclosure, a canvas tent carefully painted to resemble the woods around it, with tree trunks, leaves and bushes.  It was truly a masterpiece of mimicry, where casual observers on the far side of that stone wall would never see the structure that was built into the landscape in Jack’s yard. 

Between the netting and the interior tent, much of the debris had been cleared away.  The ground had been planted with Irish moss, and around the base of the tent were a few small pots of green and purple Shamrocks. 

Daniel tapped one of the pots with the tip of his cane. 

“I have no idea where these ought to be planted, so I had them put in pots for you to move where they’ll grow best.  I just set them out here a few minutes ago, so they should be fine for tonight.  We ought to have something Irish in O’Neill’s garden, don’t you think?” 

He glanced at Jack, then disappeared inside the tent with a grace that belied his handicap. 

Jack followed him, awash in joy. 

This was _exactly_ what he’d wanted, without ever being able to frame the plans for it in his mind. 

He touched the rough canvas of the tent, marveling at how well Daniel knew him, and hurried inside, eager to see what else his lover had done. 

The inside of the tent took his breath away.  The fabric walls were all green and gold brocade.  The floor was covered with a gorgeous rug with a botanical theme of woven leaves, vines and flowers in a multitude of hues.  In the middle of the carpet was a big, thick airbed, already inflated, covered in greenish gold damask, with additional coverings of silk and Egyptian cotton. Living trees supported the tent walls all around them, and attached to the trunks were cast iron brackets on which hurricane lamps sat, each filled with pillar candles all burning brightly to illuminate the inside of the enclosure with their soft glow.  

High above them, fine mosquito netting formed a transparent roof that would allow them to look up through the leaves at the sky, now dark blue tinged with pink with the approach of sunset.  

“Take your shoes off, Jack,” said Daniel from behind him at the entrance.

He pointed upward.  “And see?  There’s a retractable canvas roof rolled up outside that we can put over the top to protect the inside from weather.  I’ll show you where the controls are when we get ready to leave.” 

“Wow,” said Jack softly.  “This is so beautiful.  You did _good_.” 

He turned to look at Daniel and saw that he had already removed the bedroom slippers he’d worn outside from the house, and was now zipping the tent opening closed for privacy. 

When he turned around, his glasses were in his hand. 

Eagerly, Jack stepped out of his shoes and placed them beside Daniel’s, near the entrance.  He watched Daniel move over toward the big airbed and saw that there was a bucket filled with ice near it, a champagne bottle sticking up out of the top.  Beside the bucket was a small table sporting a silver tray with a cover.  He watched Daniel take up a stance beside the bed and drop his cane beside it, laying his glasses on the tray for safekeeping. 

“This is incredible, Daniel,” Jack assured him, so filled with wonder he could hardly think.  “You really went all out.” 

He couldn’t stop smiling.  His cheeks hurt from it. 

“I’m glad you like it,” Daniel said quietly.  “But there’s more.” 

“What?”  

“C’mere.” 

The look in Daniel’s eyes shot a spear of heat straight to Jack’s groin.  Obediently Jack went to stand in front of him.  He reached out and took Daniel’s hands in his, giving him a reassuring little squeeze. 

“We don’t have to do anything.  We can just camp out and hold each other.” 

Daniel shook his head.  “I want… I want you to undress me, Jack.” 

“Daniel…” Jack wasn’t so sure that was such a good idea.  He knew now where Daniel’s phobia had come from – a college roommate who’d stripped Daniel when he was helpless, then raped him. 

Jack didn’t want even a shadow of that coming between them in bed, not ever. 

“Please.  I want to see your face, Jack.  I need to know it’s you, and then it’ll be all right.” 

Daniel’s voice was soft and low. 

His eyes were hooded and dark, filled with desire. 

Jack wanted him, his fantasies leaping instantly to mind, but he didn’t know if he could go there, not now that he knew about Daniel’s past.  

“Please,” Daniel said again, raising his right hand to cup Jack’s cheek.  “I need you to help me with this, Jack.  You’re the only one who can, and it’s time.” 

He sighed.  “We’ve both waited, and I’m sure now.  I want to try it, and if I don’t like it, I’ll be honest and tell you the truth.  Okay?” 

Heart in his throat, Jack could not deny his lover the chance to replace those terrible memories with what might be good ones. 

He swallowed hard, his voice deep and rough. 

“If at any time you want me to stop, you know what to say.” 

Daniel nodded solemnly.  “I remember the safe word, Jack.  _Fides_.  Trust.  And I _do_ trust you.  I love you.  I want to know how it feels to have you undress me.  I want to see how it makes _you_ feel to undress me.” 

Jack’s mouth went suddenly dry.  “Oh… it’ll get a reaction, believe me.” 

It already had, just the thought making his cock swell in his too-tight pants. 

He saw Daniel glance down at his crotch and grunted with the sudden surge of blood into his dick that accompanied that gesture. 

God, how he wanted Daniel!  But he dared not think where this might lead, what else Daniel might have in mind to try.  He couldn’t think about that, because Daniel trusted him. 

With trembling fingers, Jack reached for Daniel’s clothing, slowly pulling the hem of his sleeveless T-shirt out of the waist of his jeans.  When it was free, he lifted it slowly up along Daniel’s ribs, watching as he raised his arms, his head tipped slightly back, gazing at Jack through his eyelashes. 

“Oh, my God,” Jack moaned, mesmerized by the expression on that gorgeous face. 

The tiniest smile curled around the corners of Daniel’s mouth. 

“What?” he murmured, his voice a low, sexy purr. 

“God fucking damn,” Jack breathed, his whole body trembling now.  “You are _so_ hot, Danny.  I think I’ve got third degree burns just from lookin’ at you.”   

Daniel laughed a little as Jack raised the shirt upward over his face, and off.  He tossed it somewhere behind him and just stared as Daniel slowly lowered his arms and looked back at Jack with a smile.  “That wasn’t so bad.  Now my pants, big guy.” 

Jack nodded and dragged his gaze down to Daniel’s waist.  He felt the silken heat of the skin on Daniel’s hairless belly as he slipped his fingertips into the waistband and began to work the buttons, very slowly, one by one, until they were all undone.  He dropped to his battered old knees on the soft carpet and slowly began to slide Daniel’s jeans down off his hips.  He wasn’t wearing underwear, and Jack leaned forward to press his nose into Daniel’s crotch, inhaling the familiar, musky man-scent that was Daniel’s alone. 

As soon as his pants were down far enough, Daniel’s cock sprang free, arching upward. 

Jack nuzzled it with his nose, closing his eyes and pressing his cheek against Daniel’s belly and thigh.  He felt Daniel’s hands settle on his face, and then both hands went to Jack’s shoulders as Daniel leaned on him, needing support as he stepped out of his pants, one foot at a time. 

Jack skimmed his hands back up Daniel’s legs, stopping at his hips, just holding him with his face against Daniel’s crotch. 

“So beautiful,” he breathed. 

He pulled away and looked up into that handsome face, wishing he had words for what was in his heart.  “Daniel, I…” He shook his head and bowed it, resting his forehead against Daniel’s warm belly, right over his appendectomy scar. 

“I know, Jack,” said Daniel tenderly.  “It’s okay.  I _know_ you love me.  I do.  You don't have to say it for me to hear it.” 

He stroked Jack’s cheeks.  “Now, help me sit down on our bed.” 

Immediately Jack stood up.  He took both of Daniel’s hands in his and provided a counterweight as Daniel squatted down on his good leg, his damaged one extended forward as he went down slowly onto the bed.  Then he lay down on the mattress and peeled back the covers, tossing them to one side.  He scooted over to make a place for his lover as Jack hastily undressed, heedless of where any of his clothing landed. 

Jack stretched out beside Daniel, his whole body vibrating with excitement.  For a moment they just lay there, side by side, facing each other across the pillows.  Then Daniel lifted his hand, crossing the small space between their bodies, and began to explore the planes of Jack’s face with his fingertips. 

Something wonderful lit Daniel up from the inside, glowing in the happy smile just touching his lips and making his eyes sparkle.

“I love you, Jack O’Neill,” he murmured.  “You amaze me.  You irritate the hell out of me and surprise me at every turn. Life with you will always be a challenge and an adventure.”  He gave a soft snicker.  “You know, the Chinese have a curse: _‘May you live in interesting times.’_   I think I’ve improved on that.  ‘ _May you have an interesting lover.’_ Only I’m not so sure it’s a curse.  Sure doesn’t feel like one right now.” 

Jack swallowed hard, remembering.  “It was not long ago.  For both of us.” 

Daniel’s smile dimmed a little, and he shook his head.  “No, _never_ a curse, Jack.  We just had some bumps in the road we had to get over.  And anyway, a lot’s happened since then.  There was a lot we didn’t know about each other.  Important stuff.  Things we should’ve shared a long time ago.” 

“I didn’t know how.”  Jack shrugged, that lump coming up in his throat again.  “But I never want to lose you again, Daniel.” 

“You won’t,” he said fervently.  “I belong to you, body and soul.  Forever.  And I want…” 

“Don’t! Don’t say it.” 

Jack could see it in those guileless, passion-filled blue eyes looking steadily back at him, and fear gripped his heart. 

He didn’t want to put Daniel through what he’d experienced. 

“No, I’ve gotta say it, Jack. It’s time _. I want to have you inside me_ ,” Daniel finished anyway.  “I don’t know if I’ll like it or not, but I have to know what it feels like.  I’ve seen how much you love it, and I know firsthand how good it will be for you, when you top me.  And besides all that, I’m curious, like I am about everything new, right?” 

Jack nodded, his eyes wide and solemn. 

“I’m not afraid anymore,” Daniel vowed.  “I promise.  I’d tell you if I was.” 

“I know you want to give me something special because it’s our first anniversary, but it doesn’t have to be that,” Jack told him.  “Don’t think you have to do this for me, because you don’t.” 

He groaned a little, trying to hold down a wave of desire mixed with sorrow. 

“I’m scared I might wake up some sleeping demons.  I don’t want you to shut me out because you can’t deal with me touching you like that. Like _he_ did.  I couldn’t bear to lose you, Daniel. Not again.” 

Daniel slid his hand around the Jack’s nape and squeezed him with his strong fingers.  “Not gonna happen, Jack.  As long as I can see you and hear your voice, I’ll know it’s you,” he assured him gently.  “And I want you to love me, to know you have _all_ of me.” 

Jack pulled him closer so they were nose to nose.  “I do, Danny. I _do_ know. But I don’t have to do that to you.” 

“I did it to _you.”_ Daniel leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth.  “And I know how it made me feel, being inside you as you gave yourself up to me.  It was the greatest gift you could give me, and I want you to know that feeling, too.  This is for _us_.  For _both_ of us.” 

Daniel’s hand slipped down from Jack’s neck, down along his arm to his hip, pulling him closer still, until their bodies were fitted snugly together.  He rubbed his erection against Jack’s belly, gently thrusting, rubbing his inner thigh over Jack’s outer thigh as he laid his leg over Jack’s.  Then he was kissing Jack, his incredible mouth teasing and hot, his tongue searching for Jack’s and tangling with it as he groaned his pleasure. 

The long-held fantasy of fucking Daniel exploded into Jack’s mind, and he was helpless to resist it, certain he should be telling Daniel to forget it, but unable to speak a word with Daniel going after his tonsils like he was.  They were both breathing hard when Jack pulled away.  The expression Daniel was wearing filled Jack with powerful need, and he bore Daniel down with a starved kiss, pressing him deeply into the pillows. 

He’d waited a year to make love to Daniel like this, and now that the time had finally arrived, it was almost more than he could believe. 

He kissed and fondled, licked and squeezed his way down Daniel’s body to his cock, curled up and twitching over his belly.  Jack settled himself between Daniel’s legs, resting on his elbows, one hand at the base of Daniel’s rigid erection, the other fondling his balls while his mouth engulfed as much of the thick shaft as he could swallow. 

Daniel moaned and writhed, calling Jack’s name in a desperate whisper. 

Jack worked him harder, just the way he liked it, only this time Daniel didn’t come.  

He was holding back, and Jack knew it. 

“C’mon,” Daniel whispered, making Jack look up at him.  Daniel laid a bottle of Astroglide on his belly, right in front of Jack’s face.  “Start with your fingers.  We’ll see how it goes from there.  Okay?  _Trust_ me, Jack, because I trust _you_.” 

Jack released his lip-lock on Daniel’s dick.  “We shouldn’t—“ 

“Don’t you want to?” asked Daniel, looking down his body, right into Jack’s eyes.  “Tell me honestly, Jack.  Don’t you want to be inside me?  Haven’t you fantasized about it?” 

There was no way he could lie to the man he loved, not about that. 

He bowed his head in resignation. 

Daniel knew him so well. 

“Yes.  Of course I have.  But I don’t want—“ 

“Yes, you _do,”_ Daniel argued gently, tenderly.  “And so do I. Help me do this, Jack.  Help me learn to love you this way, too.” 

Jack felt tears prickle at his eyes and blinked them back.  Part of him was terrified this would only intensify Daniel’s fears; another part was incandescent with joy that Daniel wanted that connection. 

He took the little bottle, flipped the cap open and squeezed a little of the clear liquid onto the fingers of his right hand.  He dropped the bottle beside the bed and clenched his fingers closed to warm the liquid.  Then carefully, he grasped Daniel’s cock again with his left hand and slipped his right beneath Daniel’s butt. 

Daniel bent his knees and spread his legs wide, the soles of his feet flat against the mattress, his right leg bent as far as he could make it go. 

“ _Fides_ , Daniel,” Jack repeated softly, brushing his swollen lips against the satiny flesh of Daniel’s cock, reminding his lover of the command word that would make him stop whatever he was doing. 

“I know, Jack,” he answered in a whisper, then reclined back against the pillows.  

He sighed and then added, “I love you.” 

Jack closed his eyes and took Daniel’s cock into his mouth again, using his lips, tongue, and teeth to tease and excite his lover.  Cautiously, carefully, Jack slipped his slick fingers into the cleft of Daniel’s ass, finding and stroking that tight ring of muscle, his senses hyper-aware of every sound, every movement his lover made as he touched it. 

There was only a slight hesitation at first contact, followed by a moment of quiet panting.  Soon Daniel was lost again, writhing and arching off the cushions, his passion rising as Jack devoured his heated flesh.   

“Put your finger inside me, Jack,” Daniel whispered. 

He did, pushing slowly past the opening and gently, cautiously rotating his fingertip. 

“Uhhhnnnn,” moaned Daniel, his body relaxing.  “That feels… nice.” 

Desire slammed full force into Jack’s chest and groin at the same time, making him grunt.  He devoured Daniel’s cock, starving now as he rose up to his knees.  He pushed deeper, slowly imbedding his middle finger as far as it would go into his lover.  He twirled it, pumped it gently, sucked harder, and felt a shudder of pleasure ripple through Daniel’s body. 

“More,” he whispered hoarsely.  “Oh, God, Jack!”  Daniel’s legs spread wider, lifting his right foot and setting his heel on Jack's shoulder.  He rolled his hips upward, giving Jack better access. 

Jack moaned, slipping another finger into his lover.  Daniel was getting louder now, groaning and moaning, writhing on the sheets. 

“ _More_ ,” he begged, panting and thrusting up into Jack’s mouth, down onto his fingers.  He gave a little shout when Jack put a third finger into him, diving for his prostate. 

Daniel’s body was quivering with delight. 

“Harder,” he demanded, his pelvis rotating in a needy, jerky dance. 

Sweat was running down Jack’s face, into his eyes and mouth. 

He felt so hot he thought he might burst into flame, need burning his guts, melting his insides.  

Daniel’s hands released their death grip on the covers and he reached for Jack, half sitting up, pulling him off his dick.  His eyes were wild with need as he pulled Jack upward, over him. 

“Fuck!” he snapped, eyes glassy with passion.  “God, Jack, _fuck_ me.  I need you.  God!” 

Jack groped blindly for the lube and pulled back up to his knees, squeezing some out in his hand and coating his aching erection with it.  He lifted Daniel’s calves onto his shoulders and scooted closer, gripped his cock and fished around for Daniel's anus. 

Jack felt the velvety, drooping flesh of Daniel’s sac, guided himself down the cleft and then suddenly, he was in, deep and fast. 

“Oh!” cried Daniel, his body bucking beneath Jack, arching involuntarily away from him. 

“You okay?”  Jack asked breathlessly, terrified and horny beyond belief. 

“Hot,” Daniel panted.  “So full.  Hurts.” 

“It does at first.  Do you want me to stop?”  Jack couldn’t move a muscle, frozen in place with half his cock buried in Daniel’s ass. 

“Didn’t.. say… the word, Jack,” Daniel ground out. “You’ve… You’re… just… huge.” 

“If it’s too much—“ 

“No! Just… gimme a minute.” 

Daniel’s body gradually relaxed, his head leaning back against the cushions, his belly quivering in the effort to hold his legs up on Jack’s shoulders. 

“Slowly.  Very slowly, okay?” 

Jack nodded, his arms trembling from holding him up.  He groaned as he inched forward, pushing with his hips and knees, need scorching him, making his guts hurt. 

“Tell me how you feel,” he begged, looking down into Daniel’s eyes. 

“Scared,” he whispered back, his hands coming up to rest on Jack’s cheeks.  “I didn’t know what to expect.  It feels… weird.  Not hurting now, just kind of filled up.  You know?” 

Jack nodded again.  He _did_ know exactly what Daniel meant. 

“Daniel,” Jack called, his control slipping.  He was fully inside his lover now, balls-deep and perfectly still.  He needed to move, needed it more than he needed to breathe. 

He needed an anchor to keep him from flying apart, and found it in Daniel’s eyes. 

“I love you, Jack,” he murmured, his hands cradling Jack’s face.  

“Don’t stop,” Jack begged him.  “Just keep saying it.  I need to hear it, Daniel.  Please.” 

Daniel got the message and rolled his hips, withdrawing away from Jack, then sliding back down on his cock to encourage him to move. 

Jack bent over him and began to thrust, a deep, lazy glide at first.  He was beyond thinking, all his emotions burning bright, joining him at the soul to the man he loved.  Daniel’s lips moved in a mantra Jack could barely hear, repeating the same phrase in a multitude of languages that Jack didn’t recognize but could translate easily. 

The meaning was shining in those blue eyes, now rolling closed as Daniel arched beneath him in bliss. 

Strong fingers dug into his back and flanks, demanding _more_ , _harder_ , _faster_ and Jack obeyed, thrusting into the hot, slick depths of his lover, radiantly aware of Daniel’s reaction. 

He was close, his face pulled into a grimace of need as he edged nearer to completion, clawing at Jack’s back. 

Daniel was the most beautiful thing Jack had ever seen. 

Awe filled him, and all barriers fell away. 

He felt totally free for the first time in his life, and when Daniel opened his eyes to catch a glimpse of him, Jack whispered, “I love you.” 

A soft sob escaped Daniel.  He arched back again, writhing in need, unable to quite get where he so desperately needed to go.   

Jack pushed back suddenly to his knees, slipped his hands beneath Daniel’s buttocks and lifted them.  Daniel pulled Jack down to him, his knees up near his own face, his body bent in half as Jack crouched over him.  Jack couldn’t take his eyes off Daniel’s face, watching him as he shouted now, his hands clawing at the sheets beneath him, head reared back in delirious ecstasy.  Jack hit his prostate over and over until the first spasm hit, Daniel’s ass squeezing in delicious torment around Jack’s cock, the pulses of Daniel’s ecstasy shooting thick globs of come all over his chin and chest.   

Closing his eyes, Jack let go and felt the hot, wet fluid spurting out of him like liquid fire, filling Daniel’s body. 

For a long time he just stayed there on his knees, waiting for his breath to get back to normal, and his brain to reinsert itself into his head. When he was able, he forced his eyes open and gazed at his lover, now relaxed against the cushions, knees bent and feet on either side of Jack’s head, still balanced on his shoulders.

Jack watched his softening cock slip out from beneath Daniel’s balls. 

“Are you okay?” Daniel asked him in a hoarse whisper as he lowered his feet to the bed. 

Jack could only nod and point to Daniel, who grinned and nodded back.  

“We did it,” Daniel whispered through his smile. “No more demons. I _really_ belong to you now.” 

Jack leaned down and kissed him until he had to stop to breathe.

“Mine,” he agreed wholeheartedly. “My love.” 

He stroked his palm over Daniel’s cheek, unable to take his eyes away from that happy, sated face. 

Jack was delirious with joy and utter satisfaction, so filled with love he wondered if he were glowing. 

A warning message from his knees finally filtered through Jack’s brain, and he started trying to change position and release the pressure on them. He pushed his legs back and sprawled on top of Daniel, propping up on his elbows so he could touch Daniel's face. He busied himself with licking off the dollops of come on Daniel's face and throat while he caught his breath. 

Daniel's arms wrapped around him, his hands smoothing slowly up and down his back. 

Drowsiness began to settle into Jack's consciousness, and he slipped slowly off his lover, rolling onto his back with a contented sigh.

He couldn't wipe the big stupid grin off his face.

Daniel really was a dream come true, and he’d been worth every second of the wait. 

“I have to tell you, Jack,” Daniel panted, his voice light and happy. “I never thought there could be any sort of improvement over an orgasm. It’s just the best feeling there is. But I was wrong.”

He wiped his sweaty face with both hands and rolled onto his side to regard his lover, propping up on one elbow.

“That was the _single_ best orgasm I’ve ever, ever, _ever_ had. Now that I know what I’ve been missing, we may just have to find a position where we can do each other at the same time.” 

“Not sure either one of us could manage that, with our knees in the shape they are,” Jack stated certainly. “We’ll just have to take turns being fuck-er and fuck-ee.” 

“Is that a challenge?” asked Daniel with a coy smile. "Oh, and it's called top and bottom." 

“Do you just happen to have a gay Kama Sutra handy or something?” teased Jack, thinking to himself that Daniel was always at his most beautiful with that just-fucked radiance thing he had going. 

Daniel cleared his throat, his eyebrows lifting imperiously.  “As a matter of fact…”

He rolled over, reached behind the airbed, and pulled out a large hardcover book with that very title.  Complete with photos and illustrations. 

Jack took the book from him, studied the cover with mock seriousness, and then tossed it behind himself with a laugh, the broad cover hitting the floor with a slap. 

He kissed Daniel long and hard, fading into slow and gentle. 

Reluctantly he let Daniel’s lips go with a sigh. 

“Have I told you how glad I am that you’re such a scholar?” 

Frowning, Daniel made a great show of contemplating that thought.  “Hmmm.  No, I don’t think you ever have.” 

“Well, I am.  You are a wicked, nasty, brilliant man, and I happen to love that about you.” 

He rolled over Daniel and crawled over to the champagne bucket. 

“And I’m so thirsty right now I could drink this whole bottle by myself.”  He grinned.  “But I won’t, because I’m so generous and sweet.”  

He leaned down and kissed Daniel’s laughing mouth.  “And you know what else?  I love you, Daniel Jackson.  I love you, I love you, I _love_ you! And it feels damn good to finally get that out.  It’s been stuck inside me for way too long.”   

And then he proceeded to unwrap the champagne so both of them could get thoroughly tipsy on their anniversary, and spend the night camping out in luxury in the woods, making love under a canopy of stars.

 

* * *

 

 

**21 August**

**Two months later**  

“White bread or whole wheat?” 

The words floated down the hallway as Daniel carried his can of Dr. Pepper into the den.  “Wheat, please,” he called back.  Then he smiled, knowing what would come next, and waiting for it. 

“Mustard or mayo?” 

“Mayo,” he called back. 

“Want tomatoes?” 

Daniel was sure Jack knew what he liked on his sandwiches, down to the diagonal cut across the finished product, but this was a little game they played with each other whenever Jack did the sandwich thing for dinner. 

“Just one slice.” 

“Lettuce?” 

He chuckled and went to turn on the TV, then headed back for the doorway.  “That depends.  Is it iceberg or leaf?” 

“Leaf.” 

“Then yes.  And I think there’s some pepper jack cheese in the meat bin.  Throw a couple slices of that on there, too.  ‘kay?”  

He waited by the door for the last inevitable question. 

“Vertical, horizontal or diagonal cut?” 

This time, he’d be sneaky.  “Don’t cut it.  I like my sandwiches whole, thanks.”  

Shaking his head with a grin, he went over to the recliner and picked up the TV listings from the Sunday paper, tucking it under one arm as he leaned his cane against the end table between the chair and sofa.  He took a sip of his soda and meant to set the can down on a coaster so he could check the listings for something good to watch, but the newscaster’s voice caught his attention, and he turned to look at the screen at the mention of a familiar name. 

_“In other news today, it was reported that popular New Jersey Governor James Turner Waterford has come under investigation for alleged sexual misconduct,” the reporter said into her microphone.  “A special panel has been set up by the state Attorney General’s office to determine whether the evidence uncovered by journalist Jonathan Sorenson warrants further inquiry.”_

Daniel’s fingers went numb and the Dr. Pepper can slipped out of his hand.  It crashed to the floor, bouncing off the carpet and spilling its contents all over his trousers and shoes, the sofa and chair. 

He barely noticed, his eyes glued to the TV screen as it showed Governor Waterhouse hurrying down the courthouse steps, a large briefcase in his hand. 

Surrounding him was a crowd of reporters, all attempting to thrust microphones and cameras in his face as they were fended off by security people before they could get too close. 

“I thought you said you liked—“ Jack’s statement was cut off as soon as he stepped into the room and saw Daniel. 

 _“The reports so far have indicated numerous instances when Governor Waterhouse is alleged to have taken advantage of pages and young male campaigners—“_  

Daniel picked up the remote from the table and turned the television off.  He sat down heavily in the chair and put his head in his hands. 

“You okay, Danny?” asked Jack, coming fully into the room. 

He set the sandwich plate down and rounded the chair, barely glancing at the mess on the floor and furniture.  He sat down on the arm of the chair and started to rub his lover’s back, fingers and thumb moving in small, comforting circles. 

Lifting his head, Daniel glanced at the black television screen.  "It's _him_ , Jack," he said softly, his voice trembling. " _That's_ the guy who raped me.  The fucking Governor of New Jersey, James Waterhouse."  

He hung his head again, leaning on his knees, hands clasped loosely before him. “I never thought…”

Daniel shook his head. 

Regret and self-recrimination filled him. 

“If I’d only said something, reported it back then, maybe this wouldn’t be happening now.”  He swallowed hard.  “Maybe those kids would have been safe.” 

“Daniel, you were just a kid yourself when that happened to you,” Jack sighed heavily.   

He withdrew his hand, and swiveled around to sit down on the hassock in front of Daniel’s chair. 

Placing his fingertips on Daniel’s knees, Jack studied his lover’s eyes. 

“Listen.  I need you to understand what’s going on here. That bastard being in trouble is _my_ doing.  I wanted justice for you, and figured if Waterhouse were the kind of guy who got away with it once, he’d probably try it again.  I had him--  I, ah, had him investigated.  And it looks like I was right.” 

Daniel felt all his blood rush to his feet.  His stomach turned over.  He wrapped his arms around himself and sat back in his seat, his heart breaking, his eyes hot with the need to cry, a need he fought fiercely.  “You promised you wouldn’t hunt him down.” 

He blinked at Jack, waiting for him to answer. 

“You _promised!”_  

Jack squirmed a little, got up, and moved away to sit on the nearby sofa. 

His eyes were glimmering with apprehension and beads of sweat began forming on his upper lip. 

“I didn’t.  Ah, not exactly anyway.  I knew if I got involved in tracking him down, I’d be tempted to kill him with my bare hands, and I knew you wouldn’t want that, not even after what he did to you.  So I handed the mission off to someone who owed me a few favors, made him promise to keep you out of it, and keep it legit. Once Chad started digging, he didn’t wanna let it go either. Waterhouse is _scum_ , Daniel.  He’s a predator.  A rapist.  And he deserves to do time for what he’s done.” 

He swallowed hard, obviously worried about Daniel’s reaction.  Daniel was all drawn up, his posture tense, hands clenched into fists on his knees, eyes haunted and dark, full of anguish.  

“Chad _Sorenson_?” asked Daniel, his voice a raw pain in his throat, his mind going a million miles an hour.  “He was in the Air Force with you.  He’s the one, right?  One of the guys in that photo on the mantel. Does he have a son named Jonathan?” 

Nodding, Jack looked down at the soft drink soaking into the beige carpet. 

He fidgeted a little. 

“Named after me. He’s a reporter.” 

A look of surprised lit his face.  “Oh.  I guess it must have been him who broke the story, huh?  Chad did it up just right, then.  Kept it all in the family.” 

Sitting back in the chair, Daniel thought about a lot of things in the blink of an eye. 

Jack _had_ technically kept his word, and Daniel let go of that ache inside, concentrating instead on what the well-meaning investigation had turned up. 

Daniel pressed his lips together firmly as resolve settled coldly into the pit of his stomach. 

“Call him,” he said brusquely. 

“Call who?” 

“The New Jersey DA handling the investigation,” Daniel answered stiffly.  “The statute of limitations may have run out on what Jimmy Waterhouse did to me, but I’ve got evidence filed away that could be useful in establishing a pattern.  Get me added to the list of witnesses.”    

He turned determined eyes to his lover’s worried face.  “Jack, call Chad, too, while you’re at it.  I’d like a word in private with the Governor before I talk to the DA.  See if your old buddy can get me in to see him quietly, off the record.” 

 Then, softening his voice, he added, “Maybe this will be a kind of justice… for both of us.” 

Jack exhaled in a whoosh of relief.  He got up from the sofa, his face more relaxed now that he knew Daniel wasn’t going to go ballistic on him, his mind obviously already on the mission. 

He nodded briefly, leaned down to give Daniel a brief kiss on the lips, and then went to get the phone.

 

* * *

 

 

**27 August**

**Six days later**  

Worry was written in every line of Jack’s face. 

“You sure you wanna do this, Daniel?” he asked uncertainly. 

He straightened his tie of his Class A’s for the third time in five minutes, and smoothed a hand over his silver hair.   

“Yeah, I‘m sure. No turning back now,” Daniel answered, his voice tight. 

He wanted very much to touch Jack, but they’d discussed it and for this trip, they’d decided not to indulge in any public displays of affection, even going so far as to register for separate rooms at their Trenton hotel. 

Reporters were everywhere, and the paparazzi were taking pictures of anyone connected to Governor Waterhouse at the moment.  Arranging this private meeting had forced Jack to call in quite a few markers, but his security clearance, good connections, and past service record had gotten him in, and along with him, his unidentified colleague, who also had top-secret clearance.   

Waterhouse would know the subject matter of the meeting in advance.  That was a given.  It hadn’t been easy getting it set up, but the Governor wouldn’t have a clue what a retired Air Force Colonel might have to do with a sex scandal.  All he knew was that Colonel Jack O’Neill and guest would be delivering some important confidential information related to the case into the Governor’s hands. 

An aide had shown them into a small meeting room with a lovely view of the rose gardens behind the Governor’s mansion. 

Jack stood at the window, studying the beauty outside while they waited, but started pacing back and forth, his head down as the minutes stretched onward. 

Daniel was very quiet and Jack was obviously worried about him, but Daniel was determined to go through with what they’d planned. 

Jack finally took a seat at the large mahogany conference table.  He laid his briefcase down, opened it, and took out a new manila folder, setting it out in plain view. 

Though his legs were tired from all the walking they’d done that day, Daniel posted himself at another window, this one located in the farthest corner of the room from the door.  He put his back to the room, and waited for the Governor to come to them. 

Finally, at least ten minutes late, Waterhouse strode in, filled with self-importance, and came up to Jack with a smirk. 

He introduced himself and leaned back against the table as he stood beside Jack’s chair, his arms crossed over his chest. 

Jack had risen when he’d entered the room and now stood with the fingertips of his left hand pressed against the tabletop, facing the politician.

Neither man had offered his hand in greeting.  

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on with this smear campaign,” Waterhouse began, his modulated voice only slightly irritated, “but you need to tell whoever’s behind this to call off the hounds.  These charges are totally unsubstantiated, and you’ll never find one shred of evidence to support any of those claims.” 

Daniel finally turned around and took a good look at him. 

Waterhouse was still an attractive man.  Curly dark hair was combed back from his well-tanned face.  Big hazel eyes flicked up to Daniel only for a moment, instantly dismissing him as nobody important before he looked back at Jack.  

It seemed pretty plain that Waterhouse hadn’t recognized him.  Daniel wondered briefly if the guy even remembered repeatedly raping him in their college dormitory room. 

“This isn’t a smear campaign,” said Jack flatly.  “It’s a quest for the truth, and for justice.” 

Waterhouse chuckled.  “Truth, huh?  You think you’re going to find anyone who will come forward and say I had sex with them, aside from my wife? I don’t think so, pal.” 

“Well, there is _one_ ,” said Daniel, drawing the man’s eyes back to his. 

He took a step forward, hatred warming him.  “Don’t you remember me, Jimmy?” 

Waterhouse’s dark brows drew together as he studied Daniel’s face. 

“You do look a little… familiar… but I can’t place…” 

Jack’s hands curled into fists at his sides until his knuckles showed white. 

As he walked up to face the two men near the table, Daniel saw that his lover’s face was pale, lips drawn into a thin, intense line, and Jack was just starting to tremble a little.  His brown eyes were on fire. 

His fuse was lit, getting shorter by the moment, and Jack's temper was about to blow. 

“Think way back,” Jack suggested in his steely Colonel’s voice.  “Your Uncle Perry worked for Hoffman-LaRoche in Europe.  They came out with a cool new tranquilizer, and after a few years of study, he discovered it caused amnesia and loss of motor control when mixed with alcohol.  Told his son about it. Your cousin, Peter, who was just about your age at the time.” 

The expression on Waterhouse’s face shuttered closed.  “My uncle was a scientist who worked for a major pharmaceutical company.  So?” 

Daniel took a step closer to Jack and put a hand on his sleeve, just reminding him to keep things civil. 

Jack shook his hand off, his eyes locked on Waterhouse’s.  “So back in the early eighties, nobody on this side of the Atlantic had ever heard of Rohypnol,” Jack went on, “but you had a direct pipeline into the source.  Which you’ve been able to maintain all these years. You can even still get it without the tell-tale blue marker they have to put in it now so it shows up in drinks.” 

“Rohypnol?” asked Waterhouse with a phony grin.  His eyes were cold.  “What is that?” 

Daniel spoke up.  “These days, it’s called ‘the date rape drug’ by the news media.  That’s what you used to subdue your victims when you raped them.” 

Waterhouse scowled.  “I’ve never raped anyone,” he shot back sanctimoniously.  “This is all politically motivated—“ 

“No, it’s not,” Daniel assured him quietly.  Hot rage and cold vengeance swirled together in his belly.  His heart hammered in his chest.  “You see, I was one of your victims. Maybe even your first.” 

He straightened. 

“My name is Daniel Jackson, and I was your roommate at NYU for one semester. Your freshman year. I was the sixteen-year-old they stuck you with in the dorm.  Remember me now, Jimmy?  Wouldn't the press just love to hear how your first victim… was a _minor_?” 

Shock passed over Waterhouse’s face.  Recognition flickered in his eyes.  Fear followed it instantly. 

Daniel glanced at the folder on the table, drawing the other man’s gaze down to it.  Daniel put an index finger on it and gently shoved it over a couple of inches towards the governor. 

“That’s a copy of the test results done at the university medical center after the last time you raped me.  There are results of a blood test run on me along with a tox screen that shows elements of a drug that was unknown in the States at that time, but the components will be easily identifiable now as Rohypnol.  There are reports from semen samples taken from me that will match your blood type.  You weren’t even smart enough to wear a condom, you asshole!  Unfortunately there wasn’t any DNA testing back then, but there’s enough evidence, along with my testimony of finding you…” 

Daniel took a deep breath, his hands curling into fists at his sides.  “I intend to testify that, after you’d doped me up, you undressed me, raped me, and then were too lazy to get out of my bed afterward.  You used me and then told me what a good fuck I was.” 

Waterhouse’s eyes narrowed dangerously.  “You _wanted_ it, Dan,” he sneered.  “You _loved_ taking it up the ass. Couldn’t get enough of it.” 

Jack went for him then, shouldering Daniel aside, grabbing Waterhouse’s lapels in his fists and throwing him down on his back on the table. 

“Shut your fucking lying mouth, Waterhouse,” he hissed into the man’s face, “or I’ll shut it for you.” 

Daniel reacted instantly, intent on protecting his lover. 

He started to pull him off, forcing him backward and inserting his body between Jack and the governor. 

“Jack!  No!”  Daniel told him, making eye contact, forcing Jack to look at him.  “You can’t.  This isn’t the way!  He’s not _worth_ it.”  

Jack released his hold on Waterhouse grudgingly, pushing him away with a sneer of disgust as he let go of him.  

Daniel saw the incomprehensible rage in Jack’s intense brown eyes, aware how close to madness Jack was at that moment. 

Part of Daniel wanted to loose this death machine on his attacker and watch as Jack killed him, but revealing what a monster Waterhouse was to the public and destroying the life the politician had so carefully built would be _far_ more satisfying than taking it in an instant of violence.   

Daniel didn’t want that kind of vengeance, but even more than that, he didn’t want Jack punished for wanting justice for him, not when there was a better way.  Waterhouse wasn’t worth Jack’s freedom or his career. 

He wasn’t worth the time of day, and it was time the public knew the truth about him. 

Daniel turned around, putting his back to Jack, and staying in between the two men. 

He eyed the Governor, who was getting to his feet. 

Waterhouse smoothed down his impeccable pinstripe suit, brushing at it with the backs of his fingers as though to remove some inconsequential road dust. 

“You can’t prove a damned thing,” Waterhouse insisted in a smug voice, straightening his shoulders and looking down his nose at Daniel while he pointedly ignored Jack.  “You won’t find any witnesses or evidence of drug stashes.  All of this will be swept under the rug.  People will forget about it and go on with their lives.”   

He smiled and spread his hands expansively.  “And I’ll come out, like I always do, smelling like a rose.  Just you wait, Dan.  Wait and see.” 

He smirked at Daniel and winked at him. 

Feeling Jack surge forward again, growling under his breath and trying to get around him, Daniel instinctively put out a restraining arm to hold him back and keep him in place. 

The Governor glanced over Daniel’s shoulders to lock eyes with Jack.  “Call off your guard dog, Dan,” Waterhouse suggested in a low voice. 

“That’s _Doctor_ Daniel Jackson to you,” Jack said menacingly, still leaning forward and trying to get closer to Waterhouse.  “He’s the only reason you’re—“ 

“What you did to me screwed up my life for a good long time, Jimmy,” Daniel interrupted, anxious for Jack not to verbally threaten this dangerous, influential man.  “Only now my nightmare is finally over, and it’s time you paid for your crimes.  I know it’s too late for me, but there are others, and after I get finished talking with the Attorney General and he gets through advising them, I have no doubt they’ll be ready to get up on a witness stand and sing.” 

Waterhouse’s hazel eyes glimmered coldly.  “What do you want, Jackson?” 

That was actually funny. 

Daniel gave a startled little laugh and then grinned at Jack over his shoulder, shaking his head. 

“Do you want money?  Prestige?  What do you want?  I can give you _anything_.”  He waved his hands expansively. 

Daniel straightened, squaring his shoulders.  He limped over to his cane, which he’d left leaning against the wall by the window, and rested against it, taking some of the weight off his aching knee. 

“You can’t _give_ me what I want, Jimmy,” he said quietly.  “It has to be _taken_ from you, just like you took my innocence and ability to trust from me.” 

“What?  You want to _do_ me?  Is that it?” 

“No,” said Jack coolly from where he was closing up his briefcase and getting ready to go.  “He wants _justice_.  Something you obviously can’t understand.  That’s the one thing you can’t _give_ to him, or to anyone else you hurt.” 

“We’ll leave that to the courts,” Daniel assured the governor. 

He glanced down at the folder, which was still on the table.  “You’ll find we’ve done quite a lot of the necessary evidence gathering.  The Attorney General assures us it’s an airtight case.” 

A fine sheen of perspiration glossed the Governor’s grayish pallor.  “Tell me what you want,” he said again, an edge of desperation creeping into his voice.  “Anything.  I’ll give you _anything!”_  

Daniel eyed him, head tipped back, looking down his nose at the scum.  “What I _want_ is to see you in a prison cell.  How ‘bout that for starters, Jimmy?” 

He turned and started to stroll out of the meeting room, listening for Jack on his heels. 

Just before he opened the door, Daniel turned once more.  “And then I’d like to see you in hell.” 

They emerged into the hall, and Jack closed the door quietly behind them. 

They nodded at the security guys standing just outside with the Governor’s aide. 

A moment later, the man in the dark suit stepped into the meeting room to check on his employer, while Jack and Daniel made their way out of the Governor’s mansion, into the late afternoon sunshine, both smiling and filled with a sense of relief. 

 

* * *

 

**1 October**

**Five weeks later**  

Jack handed Daniel a damp paper towel to wipe the vomit off his lips, standing aside by the bathroom stall door and waiting.  He watched with deep concern as Daniel flushed the toilet, his face white as a sheet, and tottered unsteadily over to the sink to rinse his mouth and face. 

Jack pulled a small tin of mints from the trouser pocket of his fatigues, opened it, and handed one to his lover as soon as he straightened up. 

“I didn’t think it would be this hard,” said Daniel, his voice trembling. 

“I did,” Jack told him honestly, patting his shoulder affectionately.  “You okay?  Wanna stay here a little longer?” 

Daniel shook his head, sliding the mint around on his tongue to get the awful taste out of his mouth.  “No, I’ll be all right once I get going.  Let’s get this over with.” 

Jack waited until he made eye contact. 

He stroked the backs of his knuckles over Daniel’s cheek and gave him what he hoped was a comforting smile. 

“I’m proud of you.  This is a brave thing you’re doing.” 

“It’s a good thing,” said Daniel on a sigh.  “I think it’ll help people.” 

His mouth softened and the mint clicked against his teeth as he spoke. 

“I don’t want anyone to have to go through what we did.  If this helps even one person, it’s all worth it.” 

Jack gave him a brief hug, which Daniel returned, then he leaned on his cane and headed for the bathroom door. 

It was a short walk down the hall to the auditorium. 

This was to be the first presentation of the week, several more scheduled to follow until every soldier and civilian employed at Cheyenne Mountain and every cadet and officer at the Air Force Academy had been through the lecture. 

Daniel had researched his facts and had statistics prepared. 

His notes were organized and the speech written, edited, and polished until he thought it was as compelling as humanly possible.  

He stood in the wings at the side of the stage, waiting for Doctor Stevenson to finish her part of the presentation and introduce him. 

Jack stood at his side, along with Sam Carter, Teal’c, Janet Fraiser, and General Hammond, his personal support group. 

As he listened to the psychologist finish her introduction, he watched her step away from the podium and turn to face him. 

With a last glance at Jack for courage, and his whispered, “Knock ‘em dead,” in his ears, Daniel strode out onto the stage and shook her hand, willing the butterflies in his stomach to be still.  

Though there was a bright spotlight shining on him from the control booth at the far end of the auditorium and footlights all along the edge of the stage, they only partially masked the size of the crowd assembled before him. 

There were hundreds of people out there, men and women, soldiers and civilians, young and old, married and single.  Most of them would shrug off what he had to say with a note of sympathy.  Maybe some would laugh about him behind his back, but somewhere out there in the audience were a few who desperately needed to hear what he had to say. 

Those were the ones he was doing this for, the ones who mattered most to him.   

 “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for attending this mandatory meeting,” he began with a smile. 

A titter of laughter accompanied his half-hearted jest.  

“I wanted Doctor Stevenson to introduce me because she’s a specialist in her field.  While many of those who are her patients have no need of her specialty, I’m sure that there are far more who do.  So I wanted each of you to know her face and her name, to see how warm and kind she is.  Then if you do have need of her special brand of compassion, you’ll feel as if you already know her.” 

He paused, glancing down at his note cards, gathering himself. 

He could feel Jack’s eyes on him, feel the strength of his love reaching out to him on the stage, holding him in a cocoon of peace.

Daniel squinted past the light in his eyes to try to focus on individual faces of the few he could see, people he didn’t yet know, but who would soon know him.

“Doctor Stevenson,” he started again slowly, “is a highly skilled professional psychologist, on staff here at the base to help all of us who get too stressed at times, or have more put on our plates than we can handle.  A lot of people go to see her, but I’m sure there are many more who need to and don’t go. 

“You see, Doctor Stevenson is also a rape counselor. That’s why I went to see her for the first time a few months ago.  Because I was raped, a long time ago, in college.” 

Daniel felt his throat start to close at that public admission.  He swallowed past it and blinked back the tears burning his eyes.  As painful as this was for him, he knew there were others out there who needed to hear him say this out loud. 

They needed his courage to find their own. 

He launched into a brief description of what had happened to him and how it had affected him unconsciously for decades. 

At some point during the speech his audience swam behind a veil of tears, which he allowed to roll down his cheeks, wiping them away only when he needed to pause to collect himself. 

He continued on, delivering statistical information on rape among military societies such as their base and the academy, focusing on the even less reported incidents of male-on-male rape. 

He urged his audience to get help and do what they could to stop others from being victims by reporting such crimes, pressing charges against their attackers and helping to put them away. 

His was a passionate plea not to let lives be ruined by shame and fear, and he closed with an invitation to a group meeting the following week, giving the time and place, and promising to be there for anyone who wanted to talk to him. 

He even gave them his personal cell phone number and email address for those who didn’t want to come out in public to start the process of healing, assuring them that he would respond with sympathy and compassion; that he would listen to and support them all. 

When he finished, he thanked them again and limped off-stage, back to the group waiting in the wings, just out of sight of most of the audience. 

Sam’s eyes were red-rimmed and her lashes were spiky from recent tears as she reached for him and hugged him close. 

“God, Daniel, I didn’t know,” she sniffed.  “Anything I can do to help, just name it, and I’ll be there.” 

Teal’c gave him a deep bow.  “As will I, DanielJackson.” 

“That was very brave,” General Hammond said, and shook his hand.  “But then, I’ve always known you were a courageous man, Doctor Jackson.  This is a great thing you’re doing today. Perhaps it’ll start a change that’s long overdue in the way we do things here.” 

Janet just beamed at him and handed him a tissue. 

Daniel turned around, looking for Jack, but he was gone. 

Then unexpectedly he heard a loud tapping on the microphone on the stage behind him, and Jack’s voice demanding, “Is this thing still on?” 

Daniel turned and saw his partner lift the microphone off the stand, stepping away from the podium.  “Yeah, everybody just sit down,” he ordered the audience, his left hand patting the air to return people to their seats.  “We’re not done yet.  Colonel Jack O’Neill, here.  Retired, but I earned the rank and still work downstairs in the mountain, so back in your chairs, folks.” 

The spotlight came on again, flooding him in a wash of radiance. 

Daniel held his breath, not sure what else Jack was going to add. 

This hadn’t been rehearsed. 

Jack wasn’t even supposed to be up there. 

After a few moments, the audience resumed their seats and fell silent. 

“There, that’s better.”  Jack shaded his eyes and looked out at the small sea of people.  “I just wanted to add a couple things to what Doctor Jackson said, there.” 

He cleared his throat and took a couple of steps, just wandering aimlessly on the stage, his eyes on the crowd he couldn’t quite see behind the lights. 

“The military’s gotten a bad rep the last several years because of this very subject,” he began.  “I know the Academy’s been trying to deal with it, but they’ve been failing because it’s an unspoken rule that we look out for our own, we clean up our own messes.  Only we haven’t done such a good job of that, even with a whole new administration at the Academy.” 

He glared beneath his hand and his expression hardened. 

“Thing is, the way we’ve done things in the past, we’re looking to protect the wrong people.” 

Daniel thought he knew what Jack meant.  He’d heard about the allegations of rapes of female students at the Academy, and the Air Force’s way to deal with it had been to replace the administrative staff.  Nothing had changed except for the names on doors and desks.  The attacks were still occurring, and Daniel knew that, for every rape reported, there were countless others that were not.

Particularly if the student were male. 

Jack strolled across the stage, casting a glance at General Hammond in the wings.  “Those who abuse the helpless have no place here.  The ones we want to keep are the ones who’ve been through hell and survived, _not_ the ones who dish it out.” 

He took a couple of steps closer to the crowd.  “Some of you know we have civilian employees among the various programs on this base, especially under the mountain.  A lot of us military types see them as hindrances, interlopers, people who don’t belong here among soldiers.” 

There were a couple of hearty male shouts peppering the audience. 

Jack’s head turned toward the sound of their voices, his eyes narrowing. 

Daniel could feel Jack’s quietly restrained anger at those outbursts and knew that this was The Colonel speaking, not the man. 

He was cool and professional, made of steel and stone. 

Daniel wondered if Jack were going to talk about what had happened to him, and found himself silently hoping he would keep that secret between them and Doctor Sorenson, because he knew what it would cost Jack to reveal it to his peers. 

He swallowed hard and listened, watching Jack’s controlled reaction to those jeers against the academics, reading his emotions clearly in his burning gaze. 

“You better be glad I can’t see your faces for the glare, boys,” Jack said quietly, his voice low and menacing.  “Because a lot of these guys in glasses are saving our collective asses. We need them and what they can do for us, so the next time one of you jarheads or flyboys thinks one of those dweebs needs taking down a peg or two, you think about this.” 

He straightened up and shot a glance at Daniel, filled with strength, pride and unshakable love.  Then he turned back to the crowd.  

“If you take your fists to some geek in a dark part of the parking lot, someone will know about it.  If you wanna put him in his place and shove his face in the dirt while you humiliate him, _someone_ will find out about it, and _God forbid it’s me_. Rape is not payback, and we should never, _ever_ look away from those who use it as a tool to keep others in line or drive them away.  If you don’t like somebody, or you’ve got a beef with ‘em, take it to your C.O. for resolution. _Don’t_ handle it yourself.  We _need_ these geeks and dweebs among us.  Some of _them_ are damn fine soldiers, too.  I can personally vouch for the fact that Doctor Jackson’s one of ‘em.” 

The audience sat perfectly still, no one moving. 

Daniel grinned, hanging his head as Sam playfully punched his shoulder. 

He was so proud of Jack, and the Colonel had just indicated to everyone else that he was equally proud of Daniel. 

“We don’t like to think about rape,” Jack continued.  “We turn away from the subject when it’s brought up, because it’s painful.  It makes us ashamed.  Even those who commit the crime seldom think of themselves as rapists, but they need to _learn_ when the label fits, when they cross the line.  If a woman tells you ‘no’ and you think she’s playing hard to get, it’s rape.  If a woman is so drunk she can hardly walk and tells you yes, it’s _still_ rape.”   

He stopped and took a breath.  His hand was shaking slightly as he rubbed briefly at the back of his neck. 

“And if you want to settle a score with some four-eyed geek who got you in trouble and you go that route, it’s rape.  If you find out somebody in your unit is gay, and you want to send him a message that he’s not welcome, by God, _that’s_ rape, too.  _Any_ time you use your… personal equipment as a weapon, or to even a score, whether you’re doing it to a woman or a man, it’s rape.  Whenever you’re sticking it where it’s not wanted, where you have no permission to be, it’s _rape.”_    

Daniel could see the crowd shifting uncomfortably in their seats as Jack’s lecture began to hit home.  People were looking at the floor, at their laps, at the ceiling, anywhere but into someone else’s eyes, especially not into his. 

Jack didn’t slow down.  “We need to have the same attitude toward those who commit rape in our own ranks as we do with foreigners who abuse our soldiers, like Jessica Lynch.  I know we’d all like a piece of the Iraqis who raped and sodomized her.  I know _I_ would.”   

Cheers went up again, some of them from the higher pitched voices of women. 

Jack’s eyes narrowed.  “Of _course_ we would.  Saddam’s Iraqis are our enemies.  But the guy sitting next to you, the one in the same uniform you’re wearing – _he’s_ not your enemy, is he? He’s your buddy, your pal.  He watches your six.  You _trust_ him, right?” 

People started looking at each other and wondering. 

With a shake of his head, Jack answered his own question.  “Men who commit rape are _not_ your brothers in arms.  They are _not_ your friends.  They are not fit to watch your six, because if they’ll take advantage of someone who’s weak or helpless, if they’ll hurt and humiliate someone who’s different or that they just don’t like for whatever reason, eventually they’ll find a reason to turn on _you_ , too.  People who commit rape are _not_ to be trusted, no matter what uniform they might be wearing. If you know someone who has hurt people in this way, _turn them in_.  We don’t want them among us, because they aren’t fit to wear the same uniforms we do.  Help us get the predators out of our ranks.  They don’t deserve to be here.  The military is about honor, and there is no honor in rape.” 

Jack stopped pacing, eyeing the floor now. 

He drew a deep breath and raised his head to regard the crowd, his eyes filled with gentle sorrow, his voice softer and kinder as he went on. 

“And if it’s happened to you, please report it.  Tell me.  Tell Doctor Jackson or Doctor Stevenson.  Tell your unit physician or go to an ER, and have evidence gathered as soon as possible.  It’s a humiliating process, but you’ve got to help us get those sorry bastards out of our ranks and behind bars so they don’t do it to someone else, because if _somebody_ doesn’t stop them, that’s _exactly_ what they’ll do.  If they do it once and get away with it, they just might learn to like it, and more will suffer the consequences. That’s not what we want in an American soldier.”

Daniel’s heart was in his throat.  He took a deep, trembling breath, hoping Jack would stop soon.  He’d made his point, over and over.  He didn’t need to add more, and Daniel was terrified he would. 

“If you don’t tell because you’re afraid for your career, because you’ve been threatened, whatever the reason, the rapist goes free.  _You_ , on the other hand, are locked in a prison inside your own head for the rest of your life.  For the healing to start, you have to talk about it, and it’s not easy.  Letting it out and getting real with a counselor may be the hardest thing you’ll ever experience, but it’s necessary.  Keeping it all inside, trying to make yourself believe it didn’t happen -- that doesn’t work. Eventually, something will happen in your life that will bring it all back to you, fresh and sharp in your mind, and when it does…”

He lifted his chin higher, swiped a hand over his face and took a deep breath.   

“This isn’t something you can handle alone.  I know, because I’ve been there.  You see, it happened to me, too.” 

Daniel heard Sam gasp beside him.  Instinctively he reached out and put his arm around her, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Jack. 

He watched the man move slowly into parade rest, his feet spread slightly, head up, shoulders back, left hand resting at the small of his back, right holding the microphone up by his mouth. 

“Sometimes there is no justice to be had.  None that we’ll ever know about, anyway,” he added quietly.  “Jessica Lynch will likely never see the men who violated her put in prison, nor will I. Things like this happen on foreign soil, during wartime, and nothing can be done to make it right.  Just another kind of casualty, you know?  That’s what happened to me.” 

He cleared his throat and turned those steely brown eyes onto the faces he could see.

“But whenever it happens here at home, _don’t_ stand beside the man who did the crime and help him cover it up.  Help us root those bastards out of our ranks, and stand with me…” He turned his head, looking into the wings and smiled just a little, nodding. “…and with Doctor Jackson…”

He waved Daniel over and pointed to the floor beside him. 

Daniel gave Sam a final little squeeze, let her go and walked out onto the stage to stand beside Jack, so proud of him in that moment that he thought his heart would burst. 

“…and let’s tell all those sons of bitches who think they can get away with violating others among our ranks that they can go to hell, and we’ll be happy to show ‘em the way!”

He punched his fist in the air and the crowd leaped to their feet, cheering and clapping. 

Smiling, Daniel applauded, too, adding in a loud whistle to cheer his partner on. 

“Hear, hear!” he said quietly in approval, his words drowned out in the noise of the crowd. 

A movement to his left made him turn his head. 

Sam Carter was marching toward them. 

She walked behind him and Jack and posted herself on his other side, standing in parade rest, her arms behind her, chin held high and a proud, defiant gleam in her eye. 

A moment later, Janet Fraiser joined her, then Teal’c, who stood at Daniel’s left, and General Hammond, who stood to Doctor Fraiser’s right. 

Doctor Stevenson returned to the lineup as well, and when she was in place and the cheering began to subside, General Hammond stepped up and took the microphone from Jack. 

“I’m sure you all realize that Colonel O’Neill wasn’t inciting any kind of vigilante justice,” he cautioned, glancing at Jack, who emphatically shook his head in agreement.  “But this is a situation that has gone unchecked for far too long.  We encourage all of you with any knowledge of such attacks to get medical help for the victims and then please report the crime to your commanding officers.  If you are a victim, we encourage you to come forward and get help.  It’s never too late.  Victims of rape are not in any way responsible for the crimes against them, nor should they carry any kind of stigma.  They deserve our compassion, kindness and understanding.”

He turned to Jack and Daniel with pride in his blue eyes.  “And some of them deserve thanks for our very lives.” 

Jack gave him a brusque nod before turning his gaze to the floor. 

Daniel just smiled. 

He couldn’t remember a time when he’d been prouder of his team, his friends, or the SGC than he was at that moment. 

“One for all,” he said quietly to himself, “and all for one.  Yeah.” 

 

* * *

 

 

**8 October**

**One week later**  

The reception hall was quiet. 

Jack and Sam stood talking softly to Doctor Sorenson, the three of them trying to decide if they should start folding up chairs and putting them away. 

Daniel poured himself another cup of coffee, watching Teal’c inspect the tray of donuts one more time, looking for another blueberry glazed. 

They’d been waiting for over an hour past the announced starting time, hoping the assemblies at which they’d spoken the previous week would yield at least a few secret victims in need of counseling, but now, it seemed, their efforts had failed. 

No one had shown up.   

Daniel stared down into his coffee cup with a sigh. 

“Thanks for helping out, Teal’c,” he said quietly.  “I’m not much good with moving furniture anymore.” 

“You are still a valuable asset in our fight, DanielJackson,” the Jaffa intoned.  “Moving furniture is the work of lesser men.” 

That made him blush, especially when accompanied by that elegant bow.  “Thank you, Teal’c, but you’re _hardly_ a lesser man.” 

He patted the big guy on the shoulder and sat down heavily in one of the folding chairs. 

“You are welcome, DanielJackson.” 

“Maybe it was a little presumptuous, setting up a hall this size,” Daniel mused, swirling the dark liquid in his Styrofoam cup.  “We should probably have the next one in someplace smaller, cozier.” 

“DanielJackson.” 

At Teal’c’s summons, Daniel glanced up at his friend, then followed his gaze toward the door. 

Two women stood there whom Daniel didn’t recognize.  He turned and called to Doctor Stevenson, who went forward to meet the women and invite them into the room.

Coming in just behind them was a man dressed in fatigues, fear and uncertainty glittering in his eyes. 

Daniel stood up, patted Teal’c on the arm, and said softly, “Go get Jack.” 

Then he was up and hobbling over toward Major Griff, eager to help him feel welcome and at ease. 

One by one, two by two, the room began to fill. 

Some dressed in casual clothes, others still in duty fatigues. 

Before another half hour had passed, the room was nearly filled. 

Doctor Stevenson sat up and called everyone to order, gave them a warm welcome, and offered advice on how they should get started on the road to healing.

 

* * *

 

 

**11 October**

**Three days later**  

Autumn chilled the air, brisk with the promise of coming winter as Jack and Daniel strolled hand in hand through their garden.  Many of the more delicate plants had already been trimmed back and covered, but the hardier ones were still soaking up what sun they could get. 

Daniel watched as Jack let go of his arm and squatted down beside the Snowfire rosebush, heaping up the mulch around its base, pulling off a yellowed leaf here, checking the swelling buds there.  The last flowers would be blooming shortly before the plant went into winter hibernation, and Daniel looked forward to seeing them unfurl. 

“You’re doin’ just fine, aren’tcha, baby?”  Jack whispered to it, turning over a few leaves to check for pests or fungus. 

When he finished, he adjusted the placement of the heart-shaped stone he had given Daniel, who had, in turn, placed it at the base of the rosebush. 

“Did you have any doubts that our rose would be happy here?” asked Daniel with a contented gleam in his eyes, watching his lover fuss over the plant, swearing softly at the pricks from the thorns. 

Jack shrugged.  “One can never be sure with high maintenance plants like that one,” he answered hesitantly.  “I try, but I’m not perfect.  I may make mistakes.  Give it the wrong mix of fertilizer.  Under or over water it.  It’s gonna be a constant process of corrections and adjustments. It’s hard work keeping it happy.” 

“Same goes for the gardener, you know,” Daniel told him with a smile.  “His attention wanders.  He forgets important things, and the rose wilts to get his attention back.” 

A slow smile spread over Jack’s face as he straightened up and met Daniel’s eyes.  “Yeah, I know.  But when that baby blooms, watch out!  We’ll be beating people off with a stick.  And _nobody’s_ picking any of those flowers, Daniel.  They’re staying on the bush, where they belong.” 

“You can pick some, if you want,” Daniel reminded him, coming to slip one arm around Jack’s waist.  “It belongs completely to you, you know.” 

He leaned on his cane and let his eyes rove over Jack’s face. 

“I’d rather enjoy it in its natural setting,” Jack countered, embracing Daniel’s shoulders.  “I like looking at it in the bed.” 

Daniel grinned and lifted his face for a gentle kiss.  “Well, then…”

He pulled away, his hand sliding up to Jack’s shoulder and then down his arm to his hand, towing him toward the deck.  “Let’s go make that rose bloom, shall we?” 

With a soft chuckle, Jack followed him up onto the deck and into the house, to the gardener’s _favorite_ bed.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Later that evening**  

Sated and happily weary, Jack climbed the steps to the observation deck, following Daniel’s slow progress, one hand on his waist in case he missed a step.  The night was cool, but he’d already been up to prepare everything.  He’d lighted candles along the railing, and had carried up blankets and pillows for them to sit on.  Champagne was chilling on ice, and there was a thermos of hot coffee to warm them up if necessary.  There also was a tray of snacks. 

They’d spent most of the afternoon in bed, enjoyed a lazy supper, and then had watched a rented movie snuggled in each other’s arms on the den sofa.  Now that night had fallen and the stars were out, Jack had decided they should have a romantic tryst up top and had quietly withdrawn to make the preparations while Daniel got in a little work at the desk.   

Once up the steps, they took their seats on the big cushions Jack had brought up, with Jack leaning against one propped on the railing in a corner, and Daniel sitting between his legs on another, his long limbs stretched out in front of him. 

For a few moments they just sat there, looking up at the night sky in the perfect silence.  A cool breeze wafted over them at times, so Jack unfolded one of the blankets and pulled it up around them, wrapping Daniel up in the cloth and his arms.  He bent his head to kiss the side of Daniel’s face, earning an appreciative little hum from his lover.  

“Looks like Waterhouse is gonna get what’s coming to him,” Jack murmured with a satisfied sigh. 

Daniel smiled, leaning back into Jack’s warmth.  He nudged the side of Jack’s head with his temple.  “We can only hope.  A jury could still be swayed.  Power, charisma and celebrity have gotten the guilty off before.”   

“We’ll see.  Trial probably won’t be over for a year or so.”  Jack tucked his nose into the crook of Daniel’s neck and sniffed, then kissed him there. 

“I meant to thank you for all the work you’ve been doing with the support group,” Daniel added quietly.  “You’re _good_ at it.  The military types, I think they need you there, as one of their own.” 

Jack nibbled the side of Daniel’s neck.  “It’s a good thing we’re doing.  It’s helping people.  And I think it helps us to do that for them.” 

“Yeah.  Not bad for a couple of gay guys, huh?”  Daniel twisted around, stretched up and kissed Jack’s ear, then turned and snuggled deeper into his arms. 

“ _Are_ we gay?”  Jack asked aloud a moment later. 

He pulled the blanket tighter around Daniel’s chest, snuggling him closer. 

“I don’t know, Daniel.  I’ve tried lookin’ at guys.  Tried to see if any of ‘em turn me on, and the answer to that is always a big ‘ _hell_ no!’ I look at women, and it’s all _right_ there, ready for a salute.  A pretty smile, a nice rack, a cute ass… Women still do it for me.  But nothing, _no one_ gets me going like you do, Daniel. Whether you’re down on your butt in the dirt scrubbing crud off an artifact or licking your lips at a stoplight, you are the _sexiest_ thing I’ve ever seen.  I think it’s just _you_.” 

“Maybe what we feel for each other defies gender boundaries,” Daniel offered thoughtfully, sliding his hands over Jack’s. “All I know for sure is, I don’t want to be with anyone else, ever again. You’ve ruined me, Jack O’Neill. And that makes me really happy.” 

He smiled and turned his head, giving Jack a light peck on the cheek. 

“Same goes for me,” Jack assured him. “I might keep looking, ‘cause I’m a guy, and I’m not dead or blind. I’ve got eyes, and I notice stuff. Asses, mostly. I’m an ass man.”  

Daniel chuckled. “No shit, Jack!  I noticed. You’ve been staring at mine for years.”  

“Yeah, well, I know quality when I see it.” He snuggled closer, resting his chin on Daniel’s shoulder. “And I get to do a lot more than just stare at it now.” 

Both of them chuckled at that, and then Jack added solemnly, “But I’ll never touch anyone else, ever again, Daniel. My word of honor on that.” 

Daniel twisted around in his embrace to make eye contact. “That means a lot to me, Jack. I know that, once you give it, you’ll never break your word.”  

The stars dimmed in the nimbus of that radiant expression. Jack couldn’t see anything else but that smile, and the love shining out of Daniel’s eyes.  

Daniel touched Jack’s face with his fingertips. “This is that ‘till death do us part’ thing, huh?” he whispered. 

Jack nodded, a lump forming in his throat. “Yeah, Danny. Whatever we are… wherever we may go… we belong exclusively to each other, now and forever.” 

“Two sides of the same petal,” said Daniel as he turned around in Jack’s embrace and leaned his head against Jack’s shoulder with a contented sigh, lacing their fingers together and wrapping himself up in Jack's arms.  

“Snowfire,” mused Jack against Daniel’s hair. “Love that name. It’s so yin and yang.” 

“Just like us. We’re the garden and the gardener, both needing each other to survive.” 

“I love you, babe.” 

Just this once, Daniel didn’t say it back to him. At least, not with words.  

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Snowfire rose exists, and is exactly as described in this story, pure white and deep scarlet on the same petal. I had one in my garden for a few years, but was not up to the challenge of caring for such a finicky plant. Still, to this day, it is my favorite rose in the world, just as Daniel and Jack are my favorite fictional characters.


	5. Roots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack gets an unexpected surprise from the past, and then he brings Daniel home to meet the folks at Christmastime.

**14 October**

**Three Days Later**  

“Carry the one…” Jack murmured aloud as he mentally tabulated the figures on the budget report before him. He always did the first two tallies in his head before triple checking with a calculator, just for the mental exercise.  

A lot of what he had to do in his new job was boring as hell, but it brought a fat pay check and much-needed administrative assistance to General Hammond, and Jack knew the man had enough headaches to deal with these days. It also kept Jack apprised of how things were going with the Stargate program, so he wouldn’t be totally in the dark about developments off world. And there was always the excitement of working with the trainees, teaching new groups of snot-nosed kids what it meant to think outside the Earth-bound box. 

He finished the tabulation and picked up his water bottle for a drink just as the klaxons went off, announcing an incoming wormhole.

Jack quelled the instinctive reaction to run to the ‘gate room and see what was happening.

He wasn’t part of that anymore, and if they needed him for anything, the people in the control room knew where to find him. 

The phone rang a moment later.  He reached for it as he closed the folder on the budget report. 

“O’Neill.” 

Hammond’s voice was carefully modulated. “Colonel, your presence is requested in the ‘gate room.” There was a note of stress in that formal address that brought Jack to his feet instantly. 

“Be right there, sir.”

He hung up the phone and left his office at a jog, moving down the long corridor toward the elevator.

He glanced into Daniel’s office as he passed and saw his lover hard at it, lights low, lamp on his desk burning, head bent over books and papers while his pen scrawled across a notepad in front of him.

Jack paused in the doorway and gave a soft knock, just enough to make Daniel look up. He flashed a smile filled with love, which Daniel returned.   

“Something going on?” he asked, sitting up straighter in his chair. 

“Hammond wants me downstairs,” Jack advised quickly. “I’ll let you know what’s up when I find out.”

He winked, gave Daniel a small wave, and headed on his way to the elevator. 

The sight of Daniel always brought Jack an instant of peace, and he carried that with him down to the 28th floor. The elevator doors slid open and he stepped out into the corridor, which was rapidly filling with people in simple homespun clothes, mixed in with SGC personnel in white lab coats – the emergency medical staff. Tension rose inside Jack as he recognized the faces of some of the aliens exiting the ‘gate room. 

They were Edorans. 

Janet Fraiser pushed past him and hurried into the ‘gate room, her face composed and professional. 

Jack saw that many of the Edorans were dirty. Some were bleeding, holding broken arms close to their bodies or limping on makeshift crutches.

 Fear inched up inside him, squeezing his stomach.

He searched among the Edoran faces for those who’d been closest to him while he’d been marooned on their world so many years back, but many were missing.  

He looked for a woman with curly honey-brown hair but didn’t see her, not even when he stepped inside the ‘gate room. 

“Laira!” he called, standing on tiptoes to look over the heads of the milling crowd, vaguely aware of the ‘gate shutting down after the last of the refugees came through it. “Laira!” 

“Jack!” called a raspy male voice. “Thank the ancestors! We have found you.”  

Whirling around at the summons, Jack made eye contact with Paynan, the gruff old man who had reluctantly befriended him during his stay on Edora.  

Paynan stood off to one side, holding a small child in his arms. There were tears streaming down his filthy face and a ragged cut on his scalp, crusted over with dried blood. The little girl he was holding wasn’t moving, just lying limply across his shoulder, her eyes wide open and staring. 

Jack rushed over to his friend. “Paynan, what happened?” 

The old man shook his head. “We do not know. Your people, the miners who stayed among us, they called it ‘earthquake.’ Our village is gone, Jack! Gone. Swallowed up in a great cleft in the ground.”

 He began to weep openly, his whole body shaking with grief. “Laira is gone with our village, my friend. I am truly sorry, for I know you were close to her.” 

With a sinking feeling, Jack went to the old man and put his arm around Paynan’s shoulders.

“Here, let me take her,” he suggested, reaching for the little girl.

Jack transferred the child to his embrace without really looking at her, and she didn’t protest.

He hugged Paynan, rubbed his back, oblivious to the sweat, blood and grime.

“Garan?” Jack asked. “Natha?” 

Paynan shook his head. “They and their two children are dead. All so young! So many of us, Jack. All gone.”

He gestured to the few dozen people spilling out of the ‘gate room into the corridor beyond. “We are all that is left of Edora. The ground… it just… took everything. Our world no longer wants us, my friend. So we have come here. You will know where we should go now, yes?” 

Jack could see the shock, disbelief and enormous grief in the old man’s eyes, mixed with trust and a faint glimmer of hope.

O’Neill’s own mind was reeling, trying to make sense of what had happened. “We’ll send rescue parties, Paynan. Medical teams. We might find more survivors.” 

With a sigh, the old man just wilted, head and arms hanging in utter defeat. “We have already saved all who were left. The miners, they helped us dig out those who still lived, and to bury the others. Your people will be coming soon. The mines were not affected. Just our village. Edora is no more.” 

Janet Fraiser appeared with her penlight, shining it into Paynan’s eyes, checking the cut on his head, asking him questions.  

Jack turned away, looking at the Edorans, remembering those who had been his closer friends during his stay there.

 Only a few were in that number.

His heart squeezed up inside him. 

Laira was dead, along with her son, Garan, his young wife, Natha, and the children they’d had together in the four years Jack had been gone. He assumed they’d married, since they’d had a family together. He wished he’d been able to see them with their little ones, but just the thought of it now was painful, knowing they had died so young, and that Paynan had seen it with his own eyes.

The old man had probably helped pull the bodies out of the debris and bury them. 

Jack started to turn back to Paynan, but Janet told him to stand still while she examined the child in his arms. His attention fixed on the little girl for a moment, felt her regular breathing, the dead weight of her against his body.

She was filthy, her curly hair matted and streaks of grime cut with tear tracks across her cheeks. Her clothes were caked with dirt, and her bare arms and legs were an even brown, just the color of the Edoran soil. 

He reached up and put his free hand on her back, gently rubbing her, offering what comfort he could, leaning his head against hers, not caring how dirty she was or how funky she smelled. Her hair was just past shoulder length, honey-brown and curly under the dirt, and it tickled his nose and chin. 

“There doesn’t appear to be any physical injury,” Janet stated. “She just looks like she’s in shock.” 

“She is,” agreed Paynan. “The child watched her mother die in the ruins of her home. She was still sitting with the body, holding her dead mother’s hand, when we dug her out a little while ago. She has not spoken since.” 

Jack’s guts wrenched as he imagined the child’s suffering. His voice was deep and soft as he spoke. “Oh, God. Poor baby.” Jack felt Janet’s hand patting his shoulder, and he turned around to face the old man, still rubbing the child’s back, trying to cuddle her closer.  

Paynan’s brown eyes were brimming with tears, burning a hole in Jack’s.

The Edoran suddenly looked much older, the lines in his face deepening into a grimace of terrible, unbearable grief. 

“I am sorry, Jack,” he said, sniffing. “Laira was a proud woman. She chose to keep the child to herself and bade us all not tell you about her, should you return.” His gaze dropped to the floor. “It is both blessing and curse that you did not, for now you must take up your role as father and raise your daughter in your world. She has no one else.” 

Jack stopped moving.

For a moment, he couldn’t even think. Couldn’t breathe. His heart was suddenly in his throat.

His eyes locked on the old man’s face, trying desperately to process, to deny, but his mind was a jumble, and he couldn’t quite make sense of what he’d just heard.   

 _Daughter._  

Paynan had said this child was _Jack’s_ daughter.  

Laira had never told him, never sent word, because she had to have known it would bring him back against his will to live in her world, in a life he didn’t want, with a woman he cared for and admired, but didn’t love. 

The smell of the child was strong in his nostrils, unpleasant with sweat and dirt and dried urine, but underneath it was something familiar, something that smelled like… 

 _Laira_ , and her home. 

Paynan’s watery eyes shifted to the child in Jack’s arms.

He reached out and patted her back, lifted his chin and made eye contact with Jack again.

“Yes, Jack. She is _your_ child, and Laira’s.  Her name is Jakaira.”

Then he moved away, following the rest of his people out into the corridor, leaving Jack alone with Janet… and his daughter. 

Janet moved around in front of Jack and got his attention.  She smiled, her eyes filled with compassion, understanding instantly what a shock this was to Jack. 

“She could probably use a bath, maybe something to eat,” Janet prompted gently, her eyes warm and sad as she looked up at him. “I know this is hard, Jack, but you need to shake it off and concentrate on _her_ for the moment. The rest will sort itself out later.” 

He took a deep breath.

After a moment, coherent thought engaged, the trained military tool adjusting to circumstances and selecting options.

He nodded and hugged the child tighter for a moment, his large hand protectively splayed across her small back.

“Of course. And a thorough medical exam,” he said softly. “She’ll need that, too, right?” 

Janet nodded. “Along with catching her up on vaccines. This is her world now, and she’ll need to be able to live safely in it.”

She gave Jack a hopeful smile. “Take her to the infirmary and one of the nurses will help you get her cleaned up. Then why don’t you take her to the commissary for something to eat, and see if you can get her to talk to you? We’ll do the rest when she’s had a little time to adjust.” 

Jack nodded numbly.  

 _Daniel._  

“Will you… call Daniel and ask him to meet me in the infirmary?” 

She shook her head, her eyes solemn but kind. “I’ve got my hands full at the moment, Jack. Why don’t you ask one of the nurses to do that for you, or just go by his office for a few minutes? We’re not in a big hurry here. She’s home now.”

Janet patted the child’s back and walked away, following the crowd out of the ‘gate room. 

Jack glanced up into the control booth and watched Sergeant Davis give him a grim nod, but Hammond was nowhere to be seen.

He turned and started to follow the Edorans and the medical staff out into the hallway, almost bumping into the General as he stepped through the ‘gate room door.

From the look in George’s eyes, Jack knew he’d heard everything. 

“Take whatever time you need, Jack,” Hammond assured him, patting his shoulder. “Anything any of us can do to help, just let us know.”

The General’s blue eyes shifted to the child on his shoulder. He smoothed an errant lock of her hair back into the rest of her wild, dirty mane. He smiled at her.

“Welcome home, Jakaira. I’m sure you’ll be very happy here, now that your daddy has you with him.” 

A chubby arm moved, and then the other.

The little girl pushed back in Jack’s embrace, both hands pressed against his chest, so she could look her father in the eye.

For a long time, she just stared.   

Jack’s eyes roved over her face hungrily.

Jakaira was the image of him. She had his intense brown eyes, his thin lips, his long face and slightly cleft chin. There was very little of her mother in her, except for the color and curl of her hair.

He wondered if she had his dimples, and ached to see her smile.  

His heart shattered in his chest, sharp-edged shards of joy cutting his insides to ribbons.

He smiled at her, his eyes filling with tears that ran freely down his face.

He lifted one hand to touch her cheek in abject wonder, laughter bubbling up inside him to spill out of his mouth in sobbing little gasps. 

“You look just like me,” he keened softly. 

“Yes, she does, Jack,” said George gently. “She’s beautiful.”   

Jack wrapped his large hand around the back of her little head and pulled her close, kissing her dirty cheek and nestling her head against his face.

He wept openly, thanking God in the privacy of his soul for this blessing, unable to quite believe it was real.  

_He had a child!_

He was a father again, and tragedy had brought her to him, just as tragedy had taken Charlie from him. Jakaira was damaged now, and would need his help and his love if she were to recover. 

“I love you, baby,” he whispered into her hair, swaying with her in his arms. “Daddy loves you, and you’re safe with me now. I’ll keep you safe, I promise. I promise.”   

A hand at his back propelled him gently down the corridor toward the elevator.

Hammond walked at his side and pressed the button for him while Jack stood and rocked and cuddled his baby girl.

His _daughter_ , Jakaira. 

He thought about Laira as he stepped into the car and nodded his goodbye to the General. He’d slept with her thinking he would be marooned on her world for the rest of his life, and the very next day, he’d deserted her.

She’d gotten her wish to bear a child of his blood, and had never told him.

Perhaps, if he’d gone back, if he’d kept his word, she might have. 

But then, if he’d kept his word, he would have known. He would have seen her rounded belly with his own eyes and understood.

Only he’d never gone back.

He’d broken his promise, because some part of him had known the possibility was there for a child. And he’d left her behind, never looking back in the four years that had gone under the bridge, because that wasn’t a life he wanted.  

The doors slid closed and for a moment his finger hovered above the button for level 21, the infirmary level.

Instead, he pushed 18.

He had to tell Daniel, had to show Jakaira to him, had to give him time to make his own decisions about what this meant.

Jack had the responsibility of raising Jakaira, and he wouldn’t abandon her to the care of anyone else.  

Daniel, however, wasn’t bound by the same ties.

Jack was afraid he wouldn’t want the burden of a child in their home, especially one that wasn’t his own. If that were the case, he wouldn’t ask the man he loved to stay with him.

It wouldn’t be fair; but then, nobody had a heart as big as Daniel, and Jack was hopeful he’d be okay with it. 

 

* * *

 

Jack stepped into Daniel’s office and closed the door behind him. He turned around to see Daniel sitting at his desk, his head lifted, pen being laid aside.

There was concern on his face as he caught sight of what Jack had brought with him.   

“Edora,” said Jack hesitantly, answering the unspoken question in those worried blue eyes shifting between him and the bedraggled child in his arms. “An earthquake. Bad one.” 

Daniel’s gaze shifted to the child whose face he couldn’t see, then back to Jack. “How many survivors?” 

“Not many,” Jack answered, his throat tight. “Laira…”

He shook his head. He couldn’t say the words. His throat had closed up. 

Daniel stood. He reached for his cane and came out from behind his desk. “I’m sorry, Jack. Are they in the infirmary?” 

Jack nodded, swallowing hard, shifting his grief aside to give necessary information. “For now. I’ll be going there in a minute, but I wanted you to know.”

He cuddled Jakaira closer. “Daniel, this is… my daughter, Jakaira. Mine and Laira’s.” 

At Jack’s words, Jakaira twisted around a bit, turning solemn eyes on this new stranger.   

Color leached quickly from Daniel’s face. His eyes went wide, and his mouth dropped slowly open. He turned his gaze to the little girl and stared at her for a moment.  

“She’s yours, Jack?”  Daniel swallowed hard and then stepped a little closer.  He slowly reached out a hand and brushed one of Jakaira’s little hands with one finger, as if to verify the reality of her presence.  “She’s beautiful,” he whispered.  “Just like her mom.” 

He glanced at Jack’s worried face.  “She looks just like you, Jack.”   

She moved her hand away as she turned to hide her face in her father’s shoulder again.  

Daniel’s face took on a determined set.

Behind those burning blue eyes a decision was made and chiselled into stone.

“Are there any other children who need homes?” he asked, his voice thick with emotion, eyes radiant behind his glasses. “We’ll take them, too.” 

“Oh, Daniel. I love you so much!” Jack was never more fiercely proud of his partner than at that moment. He reached out with his free arm and Daniel stepped fully into his embrace, pressing his face close to Jakaira, kissing her shoulder, patting her gently. 

“Let’s go find out. But first…”  Jack turned around so that he had his back to Daniel, while Jakaira would be able to see him as she peered over Jack’s shoulder. 

“Jakaira, I want you to meet someone very special to me. His name is Daniel,” said Jack gently.  

She lifted her head again, and Daniel smiled and waved at her.

“Hi, Jakaira,” he returned with a little smile. “Your daddy and I live together, and we love each other very much, just like we do you. We’re glad you’ve come to live with us.” 

“Yes, we are,” Jack added emphatically, patting her back. “Jakaira, can Daniel be your daddy, too?” 

“I’d like that,” Daniel admitted. “I’d like that very much.” 

Jakaira didn’t answer, just continued to stare at him with those Jack O’Neill eyes that saw everything and took it all in. 

Daniel came closer, his movements slow and graceful, and stroked her grimy cheek with his fingertips. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “I know all this is scary and very different from your home on Edora, but I promise you’ll feel better soon. We’ll get you clean and feed you, and then you can take a nap, and we’ll both be right there with you the whole time. Okay?” 

She nodded, a little weary sigh slipping out of her. 

Daniel shut down his office and turned the lights off for the rest of the day, his work done for the time being while he helped take care of their family. 

The two men walked toward the elevator together, both of them petting and talking quietly to the little girl in her father’s arms, doing their best to make her feel loved and wanted, and at home. 

 

* * *

 

Daniel watched the freshly bathed child in Jack’s lap, her bright, intelligent eyes moving all around the noisy commissary, watching everyone, missing no detail. He could see so much of Jack in her, but she was so weighted down by her grief that she was obviously having a difficult time dealing.

She mindlessly munched on the buttered bread in her hand, studying her strange new world, and Daniel’s heart ached for her.   

He knew exactly how she felt. 

Memories of his own childhood surfaced, but this time, instead of being pushed back into the dark corners of his mind, he stepped into them, trying to remember his thoughts and fears immediately after losing his parents, when he’d been thrust into the alien world of foster care.

All of that came rushing back as if it had happened yesterday, fresh and raw, gleaming in Jakaira’s brown eyes. 

“Jack,” he said softly, “put your arms around her. Hold her gently. Just being in your lap isn’t enough.” 

He watched Jack do as he’d asked and saw the relief in Jakaira’s face.

She leaned back against Jack’s chest, resting now as she ate, but she didn’t look at Daniel except to glance at him in passing. 

He needed to fix that. He needed to let her know that he understood what she was feeling, even though he was a grown-up.

For that, he would have to talk to her. 

“Jakaira,” he called quietly. 

She looked at him, then back down at her plate. She tugged distractedly at the neck of the oversized black T-shirt that Jack had given her to wear after her bath, since there were no child-sized clothes available on the base.   

Daniel’s voice was soft and warm. “When I was a little boy, something happened to me, just like what happened to you, so I know how you feel.  My mommy died real suddenly, too, when I was just a little older than you are now.”   

This time, her eyes moved directly to his face and stayed there. She stopped chewing and just stared at him.

 Jack had one of his big hands wrapped around her belly, the other moving up and down her arm, petting her gently. He bent down and gave her a kiss on top of her head, and Jakaira’s face relaxed a little more. That was just what she needed, to feel that she was loved, protected, understood, and safe. 

“I’m so sorry about your mommy,” Daniel told her honestly, unable to stop the tears gathering in his eyes.

He blinked them away.

“I know you feel scared and lonely and lost, but you’re _not_ lost. You’re with your daddy, Jack O’Neill.”

He pointed over her shoulder, indicating Jack, who kissed her hair again. 

Daniel tried to smile a little. “I know your mother told you about him, didn’t she?” 

Jakaira swallowed. She dropped her gaze to her plate, then glanced back up at Daniel.

She put her food down and moved her hands to her lap below the table.

Then she nodded, her slightly damp blonde curls bouncing. 

“Your mother wanted your father to take care of you, so that’s why you’re here,” he explained patiently. “This is a whole new world, different from Edora. Do you understand that?” 

She shook her head. 

“Well, it is. Soon your father and I will be taking you to our home. You’ll see wonderful new things like cars, trucks, and airplanes. Those are machines we use to take us places really fast.”

He smiled. “And when we get to our house, you’ll see a small box with moving pictures that talk. It’s called a television, or TV for short, and it’s lots of fun. It tells us stories and brings us news from faraway places, and teaches us about things we don’t know. Do you think you’ll like that?” 

“Daniel, is all this really necessary?” asked Jack uncertainly. “You might be scaring her.” 

Raising his eyes to his lover, Daniel shook his head.

“We’ve been to Edora, Jack. We’ve seen what it’s like there. If we take her out to the truck and put her in it without explanation, _that’s_ what will scare her. Hearing about it now will make it easier. There’s a lot we have to teach her, and doing it this way will help soften the blow. Trust me on this, okay?” 

Jack nodded. “I do, _vidámo_.”

He reached up to touch the little girl’s soft, clean hair in wonder.  

Daniel turned his gaze back to Jakaira, who was still studying him.

He smiled at her again and wondered what she was thinking. He crossed his arms on the table and leaned his chin on them, bending down so he could look her in the eye.

“There are a lot of people here, aren’t there?” he asked.  

She glanced around the commissary and nodded. She stuffed the last of the buttered bread into her mouth, took a big drink of milk and turned around on Jack’s lap, swinging her legs off over his thighs. She seemed to be looking for something, so Daniel asked her about that. 

Jakaira didn’t answer.  

“What do you need, baby?” asked Jack, leaning over to make eye contact. 

Her little face screwed up, her need obvious, slowly building up into panic.  

“Tell me what you need, honey,” Jack prompted again. 

Jakaira’s eyes filled with tears.  She slipped down off his lap, reaching up to clutch his hand, her eyes moving all around the room, seeking but not finding. 

“Um, Jack…” Daniel stood up, watching her body language, the way she squeezed her legs together and wriggled. “It occurs to me that I have no idea how the Edorans referred to going to the bathroom. Do you know?” 

Jack cleared his throat. “Make waste,” he said quietly. 

“Makes sense,” Daniel said, turning his gaze back to Jakaira. “Do you need to make waste, Jakaira?”  

Her blonde head bobbed emphatically. 

Daniel glanced up at Jack, reached down and took her hand and started to lead the way out of the commissary. “We call it going to the bathroom,” he informed her conversationally. “Or going potty. That’s what parents teach their children to say here. Can you say that, Jakaira?” 

She seemed to ignore him, her eyes darting to and fro, looking for the familiar outdoor toilet facilities that her people had on Edora, and not finding one.

Daniel knew that had to be upsetting her, but he couldn’t help that. She’d just have to learn about the wonder of modern toilet facilities when she saw one. 

“Take her into one of the men’s rooms with stalls,” Daniel suggested. “She may be a girl, but you’re her father, and you’ve got to do this.”  

Jack’s walked with them out the double doors and down the corridor until their destination registered.  Jack’s face flushed crimson. “I can’t take her into the men’s room.  She’s a girl!” 

His glance fell on the child, now starting to dance as she walked, her legs drawn together from the knees up. “ _Now_ , Jack, unless you want to clean up an accident.” 

“Oh, fer cryin’ out loud!” he groused. “You come, too, then.” 

“What do I need to come for?” Daniel stopped outside the restroom door. 

“Because I said so, now move your tight a—“ Jack coughed, suddenly aware of his little audience. “Move your butt, Jackson. You get to run interference and chase all the men out of there. And when you’re done, you can help me figure out what to do with her.” 

“ _Do_ with her?  I don’t know anything about kids,” Daniel argued, aware of the heat rising in his face as he pushed through the restroom door. “Especially little girls.” 

Picking up Jakaira, Jack settled her in his arms, covering her eyes with his hand as they entered the men’s room.

“You seem to be doing just fine with this one,” Jack returned irritably, glancing around for an open stall door. “Now, let’s get this over with, shall we?” 

An hour later, Daniel was on his way to their house to put fresh sheets on the guest room bed. When Jack arrived with his daughter a little while later, they put their heads together and made a list of all the things they’d need for a little girl, then realised neither of them were equipped to know what all a little girl required. 

They’d bought the necessities for overnight and a few days after, but for wardrobe help and other sundries, they’d need a professional, someone who knew the territory. 

That prompted a telephone call to Sam, who arranged to take the afternoon off and promised to bring Cassie along as soon as she got out of school. Had Janet not been tied up with the Edoran refugees, she’d have been right there with them. 

Jack and Daniel were still making lists, examining the guest room and planning ahead when the two women arrived. Cassie greeted them with hugs and kisses, and then squatted down to be eye level with the child. She smiled and gave a little wave. 

“Hi, there. My name is Cassie Fraiser, and I’m from another world, just like you are,” she said gently. “And I promise, you’re going to _love_ it here! It’s hard to get used to, sometimes, at first anyway, but there’s so much fun stuff to do and see, you won’t mind the yucky stuff.”

She made a face and stuck out her tongue, trying to tease a grin from the little girl. 

Jakaira just stared at her. She turned big eyes up to Sam and reached up with one hand. 

Sam bent down to her, and Jakaira touched her hair in wonder.  

“Hi, Jakaira. I’m Samantha Carter. You can call me Auntie Sam, if you want.” 

The little girl drew away, ignoring her words, and padded over to the living room window, looking out at the colorful garden. 

Sam seemed a tad disappointed as she straightened.  
”Give her time, Sam,” Jack advised. “Whole new world, here.” 

With a slow, serious nod, Sam took a seat on the sofa with Daniel, while Cassie and Jack took the chairs, and then the new team began planning for Jakaira’s transition to living on Earth.  

After a few minutes of initial discussion and accompanying list-making, Sam took Jack shopping while Cassie and Daniel introduced the child to books, music and the wonders of television.

Jakaira wouldn’t let Daniel out of her sight except when he had to go to the bathroom, and even then she stood outside the door, knocking on it and trying the doorknob until he finished. 

As the day went on, he did his best to explain everything to her, anything he touched that he knew was different from her homeworld.

The refrigerator fascinated her, and she spent several minutes opening and closing the door, feeling the radiating cold and then shutting it up inside the mysterious machine. 

He made sandwiches, simple fare like they had eaten on Edora, wondering aloud to Cassie if Jakaira would ever learn to enjoy the typical American child’s fare, like pizza and hot dogs.  

Since Cassie was an alien herself, she gave him some valuable input on that as they ate dinner, and helped Daniel plan the introduction of new foods and other experiences.

Jakaira just watched them and listened, making no attempt to offer opinions of her own. 

Just as they got through eating, Jack and Sam returned from the various stores, their arms loaded with boxes and bags. 

 They began unpacking all of Jakaira’s new things into her room, putting her clothes into the closet and bureau, showing her the toys they’d selected and making her the center of attention until she began to yawn and lean against things wearily. 

The ladies took their leave with fond thanks from the new fathers, and Jack and Daniel escorted Jakaira to her newly outfitted room to tuck her into bed. 

Jack took Jakaira into the tiny guest bathroom and set her on the counter to brush her teeth, relating to Daniel how he used to do the same thing with Charlie when he was that age.

Then he took Jakaira back to her bedroom and read her a story that Sam had picked out. 

Before he finished it, she was sound asleep against his chest.

Carefully, he arranged her on the sheets and covered her up with a kiss on her hair. 

He got off the bed and stood gazing down at her, while Daniel watched from his post in the rocking chair nearby.

When Jack left the room, Daniel was right behind him. 

Out in the hallway, Jack turned around and put a hand on Daniel’s waist. “You go on to bed, babe. I’ll be there in a minute. I bought some nightlights, and I just need to put ‘em in the sockets so Jay can find her way through the house in the dark.”

He kissed Daniel lightly on the lips and disappeared down the hallway toward the living room. 

Daniel went into their room and prepared for bed, slipping beneath the cool sheets.

He clasped his hands behind his head and thought about all the day had brought them.

This was a life-altering event, and it would undoubtedly change a great many things in the way they moved through their days… _and_ their nights. Daniel had never been a parent before, so he was clueless about what they could and couldn’t do, even in the privacy of their own home. Jack would have to guide him in that. 

He watched his lover come into their room and disappear into the bathroom for a few minutes, and then, as Jack started to undress, he went over to the bedroom door and closed it. Then he turned the lock. He took off his pants and underwear and tossed them into the bathroom hamper, then came to bed naked. 

“I was wondering how this might affect our love life,” Daniel murmured as Jack got into bed and pounced on him, the bed bouncing for a moment.  

Jack gave a little growl, delight in his eyes as he looked down at his naked lover. 

“Takes _all_ the spontaneity out of it, for one thing,” Jack told him, reaching down to nip Daniel’s nipple and draw a gasp of pleasure from him. “Gotta remember to lock the bedroom door before we do anything.”

He started to suckle that nipple, his fingers dancing lightly over Daniel’s smooth belly and moving steadily lower. 

“And unlock it when we’re done,” Daniel added before his mind stopped working. “Mmmm…” 

Jack lifted his head and stopped moving. “Oh?” 

Daniel could see Jack’s eyebrows rising. “Well, yeah. If she wakes up in a strange place, she’s going to need access to you right away. Which also means if she wakes up, and we’re in the middle of doing each other, Jakaira gets priority. Okay?” 

Daniel felt Jack’s hand smooth firmly down his belly to take possession of his rising cock, making him shut up, all coherent thought suddenly gone. 

“Okay.  We’ll talk about it later,” Jack whispered as he used his hand to slowly pump him.   “Love you, Daniel.” 

“Jack.” Daniel reached up and embraced him, bringing him down into a kiss that set Daniel on fire.  

Jack was a father again, and Daniel found that incredibly sexy.

He would get to see a whole other facet of the man he loved.

There was still so much Jack kept shuttered in the depths of his soul, things he never talked about, and fatherhood was one of those things. Charlie was a painful subject, but having Jakaira with them would revive that again in all its pain and joy.

He would see Jack being tender and playful with his child, and that would be a beautiful thing, indeed. 

Daniel imagined it, visualising Jack taking her to the park, teaching her to ride a bicycle and play hockey. Emotion rose and spilled over inside him, and he clutched at Jack, wrestling with him for dominance, pushing him back against the bed.  

He nipped and clawed his way down Jack’s body, devouring his cock like a starving man.

He heard Jack whispering his name, begging for him to slow down, take it easy, but Daniel was beyond restraint now.  

Jack’s hands were in Daniel’s long hair, trying to hold him back yet not hurt him. He groaned and arched his back off the bed, gasping with pleasure. Daniel ran his right hand over Jack’s belly and thighs, cupping and squeezing his balls, knowing exactly how Jack liked to be touched and doing it all.

By now Jack should be moaning loudly, but he was only making soft, smothered grunts, keeping quiet to avoid waking Jakaira. 

Using a prearranged signal, Daniel tapped Jack on the thigh and a moment later the tube of lube dropped onto the bed between Jack’s legs. Daniel grabbed it, flipped the cap open with one hand and then let Jack’s glistening dick slide out of his mouth. Breathing hard, he balanced on his left elbow, shook his hair back out of his eyes, transferred the tube to his left hand and squeezed some of the clear gel onto his right fingertips. He closed the cap on the tube and dropped it beside Jack’s thigh, then leaned back over his lover’s body, nibbling along the length of his straining cock. 

“Love you, Jack,” he breathed against that hot, slick flesh. A nudge of his right hand made Jack bend his left leg and Daniel pushed his slippery fingers into Jack’s ass to the sound of a ragged gasp of pleasure. Daniel placed a row of wet, sensual kisses along the length of Jack’s throbbing erection, listening for the wonderful grunts and gasps that came from his passionate attention.  

Hungrily, Daniel swallowed Jack whole, relaxing his throat while his fingers probed, seeking and finding Jack’s prostate. Daniel rubbed it while he sucked and licked his love’s cock, sensing Jack’s control gradually vanishing.  

Jack arched his head back, eyes closed in bliss, one hand threaded through Daniel’s hair and the other clutching at the sheets at his side.  “Need to come,” he moaned in a soft voice.  “Please, Danny,” he added helplessly.   

Daniel hummed in agreement, his fingers plunging deeper, adding a third and then a fourth, stretching him wide. Daniel matched the rhythm of his mouth to that of his fingers, deepening his thrusts until Jack lay helplessly clutching at him, his body rigid, almost there. 

“Daniel!” he gasped in a desperate whisper. “Oh, God!” 

Jack’s hips thrust him fiercely down Daniel’s throat, almost choking him. Jack curled up, his head and shoulders coming up off the bed as he came, eyes wide open and staring at the sight of his lover’s mouth around his cock.  He poured sweet fire into Daniel’s mouth, his ass clenching in spasms around Daniel’s fingers. He flopped back against the bed as the pulses began to ebb and Daniel held his head still, using just his tongue to swirl around the sensitive head of Jack’s cock. His fingers still stroked Jack’s prostate, and he was rewarded with a startled gasp and twitch as another strong wave of pleasure shot through his lover’s dick. 

“Jesus, Daniel,” Jack panted in a whisper. “I came already! You can’t possibly want more.”  He chuckled hoarsely.   

Sucking off and swallowing the last drops of come, Daniel finally let go of Jack’s softening cock, withdrew his fingers and slithered up beside his lover. “Of course, I want more,” he rumbled huskily, nibbling on Jack’s shoulder. “What are you in the mood for tonight?” 

With a soft, breathless little laugh, Jack sighed, “You gotta ask?” He turned his head, struggling to pry open his eyes and focus on the man hovering above him. With a groan, he rolled slowly over onto his left side, putting his back to Daniel, who sat up and groped in the bed for the lube. 

He slicked himself up and pushed into Jack hard and fast, holding onto his hip and pulling Jack back against him. 

Jack swore again, his eyes closed, head thrown back as this new pleasure pulled him back under its hypnotic current.  

Daniel devoured him with his eyes, memorising all the wonderful bulges of firm muscle, the forest of curly silver hair covering Jack’s chest, belly and groin. He took in all the scars and the evidence of his slow advance into late middle age and saw only beauty. The way Jack moved against him, the additional little twitches of his cock as Daniel thrust into him, the softly sensual moans he made, all evidence that Jack loved what Daniel was doing, how he was touching him. Jack was giving himself up to Daniel, giving all of himself, and to Daniel, as always, there was nothing more arousing than that total surrender.  

The tight, wet heat of Jack’s body surrounding him was bliss itself. Daniel wanted this to last all night, but he was already getting close, pressure building in his balls, focus narrowing to his cock. He let go of Jack’s hip and plastered himself against Jack’s back, holding Jack hard against him with one hand flat against his chest. He could feel Jack’s heart pounding against his palm and closed his eyes, curling over Jack’s shoulder. 

“Fuck me, Danny,” Jack rasped softly. “Wanna feel you come.” Jack’s hand covered Daniel’s, squeezing. “That’s it, just like that.  Love you. God! Love you so much…”  

Daniel’s whole body seized up.  With a startled cry of pleasure, he jerked against Jack’s ass as he came, the pulses radiating out all through him, dissolving his bones, stealing his breath and his mind, leaving nothing in its wake but his fiercely beating heart. His head fell forward, resting his forehead against Jack’s shoulder. 

It took several moments before Daniel could open his eyes, lifting his head so he could look at his lover. He was still embedded in Jack, who had turned his head on the pillow and was eyeing him over his shoulder. His dark eyes were black and heavy lidded, sparkling with peace and satisfaction, the slightest little smile playing around his lips. 

“Have I told you lately how damn good you are in bed?” he asked softly, that smile dawning bright and beautiful on his face. His smile faded. “Or how much I need you?” 

Instantly Daniel felt his heart swell. “Almost every night, Jack,” Daniel reminded him as he sank down behind him onto the same pillow, brushing his tangled mane out of his eyes with an impatient swipe of his fingers. He placed a small kiss on the nape of Jack’s neck. “But I never get tired of hearing it.” 

Jack lifted Daniel’s hand and kissed his palm, gently, sweetly, returning it to his chest, and dropped his head against the pillow with a sigh.

He held Daniel’s hand against his sweaty chest, rubbing his thumb over the back of Daniel’s wrist.  

The two men rested together, listening to each other breathe, content and sated.  Daniel kissed Jack’s shoulder and ran his nose along his hairline.  His shrinking cock slipped out of Jack with a small rush of hot semen. 

“Love you so much.  We’re gonna be okay, you know.  Everything’s gonna be all right.  As long as we’re together, we’ll be fine. All three of us.”   

Jack tensed in his arms, remembering his little girl, lying asleep in the next room. “I don’t know if I can do this, Daniel,” he murmured. “I screwed up once in the worst way possible, and I don’t know if I could survive—“ 

“That wasn’t your fault, Jack,” Daniel cut in adamantly. He pushed back a bit and then urged Jack to roll onto his back so they could see each other better.  He propped himself up on his elbow to look down into Jack’s face, smoothing Jack’s damp hair away from his forehead, and looking deep into his eyes in the dim light of the bedside lamp.  

“Listen to me. What happened to Charlie was a horrible accident.  It was stupid and tragic, but you didn’t do anything to hurt him on purpose. You would have given your own life for it not to have happened.” 

He held Jack’s chin in his hand, looking down at him with every morsel of conviction he could muster.  “And do you honestly think, now that you’ve seen Jakaira, that you could just hand her off to anyone else to raise?”     

Swallowing hard, Jack shook his head, rolling it back and forth against the pillow. “No. I couldn’t do that. She’s mine.” 

“Then we’ll find a way,” Daniel assured him fervently. “I know you’re scared, Jack, but your daughter needs you, and I know you want to be there for her.” 

“Yeah.” Jack lifted his hand to press his palm against Daniel’s cheek, threading his fingers into Daniel’s wild, sweaty mane and combing it back from his face.

Daniel leaned into his touch. “This is different, in every way possible. I have a _daughter_ , Daniel. I don’t know how to raise a little girl. And she’s traumatized by what she’s been through. I know that, and I don’t know how to deal with it.” 

“We’ll figure it out together,” Daniel promised. “We’ll get help for her.” 

He sat up and looked down at the bed, picking absently at wrinkles in the sheets.

“I’ve been in her shoes, so I know something about how she’s feeling. The difference between Jakaira and me is that she has _you_.  I had no one.  That’s why it’s so important to be there for her if she wakes up, because she’s lost right now, and she knows she’s connected to you. She just doesn’t feel it yet. But she will in time.  Don’t worry.” 

Daniel knew Jack was watching him, aware that Jack would understand that Daniel was allowing the memories of his parents’ deaths to come back and fill him up, to shatter him all over again, because he needed that connection to be able to relate to Jakaira.

And he knew Jack loved him even more for opening himself up to that pain, for the sake of Jack’s child. 

Jack sat up, reaching for him, but Daniel was already moving, getting off the bed and searching for his sweat pants, hurrying because he knew she was coming. Even as exhausted as the child was, her sleep for the first few nights would be broken up by nightmares that would make her relive the terror all over again. He glanced at Jack, just sitting there in the bed, but before he could urge his partner to get dressed, a little knock sounded on the door. 

Jack bolted off the bed and had his pants on in a flash, racing for the door.

“Just a minute, honey!” he called, hurrying over to jerk open the door.

He bent down to pick up his daughter and hold her close. 

She was crying, hiccupping silent sobs and holding onto his neck for dear life. 

Daniel dutifully fetched T-shirts for both of them while Jack comforted Jakaira, then Daniel stepped into the bathroom for a quick shower. 

He took Jack’s place on the bed with her afterward, sitting up beside her and reassuring her while she settled down.

In a few minutes, she was fast asleep again, right between their pillows. 

Shortly afterward, Jack was showered and dressed again and got into the bed with Daniel and Jakaira. 

Once they were both on their pillows and still, Daniel gazed over at Jack, lying with his hand on his daughter’s ribs.

 In the low light from the bedside lamp, he could see his lover looking back at him over the top of the little girl’s head. 

Daniel smiled, his gaze moving from father to daughter, taking note of his stamp on her and how beautiful she was. 

“I love you, Daniel,” Jack whispered. “Thank you for accepting her into our lives.” 

“Thank you for letting me be part of raising her, Jack,” he returned, his heart filling up with emotion.  

“How could you not be?” asked Jack simply. “You’re my other half. The brains of the outfit. And I honestly believe this is just like everything else in my life.  I couldn’t do any of it without you.” 

“You’d find a way,” Daniel assured him, “but thanks for the vote of confidence. Now, let’s all get some sleep. I have the feeling our lives just got a whole lot more complicated on a lot of levels.” 

Jack smiled and closed his eyes. “You have _no_ idea. But you’ll be surprised at how easily it all comes to you, too.” 

Daniel didn’t point out that Sara probably did most of the parenting and nurturing while Jack was off God knew where with his Special Ops teams. Now he would be at home most of the time, and they’d be sharing parental duties, but there would be times when it would be just Daniel and Jakaira, and that worried him. He wasn’t a nurturer by nature. He tended to get absorbed in his work and forget about other people. That had ruined his love life more times than he could count, and while children tended to be more forgiving, this would not be an easy thing for Daniel to learn. Children needed watching for their own safety, and that would require constant attention on her whereabouts at all times. 

For Jack and his child, however, he would put forth the effort and make Jakaira a priority. 

Daniel looked at both of them a little longer before turning off the bedside lamp.

He sighed and closed his eyes, hoping he could be as good a friend to this little girl as Jack would be a father.

Neither of them were quite prepared for this, but they’d learn because Jakaira needed them. 

And whatever she needed, he and Jack would provide. That was what parents did for their children.

Daniel’s eyes opened and he studied the mop of curly hair illuminated by moonlight coming in through the slats of the window shutters, and the low glow of the nightlights Jack had put in the bathroom, bedroom and hallway.

His heart swelled as he realized what that meant.  

Not only had Jack been granted a second chance at fatherhood, but Daniel was also getting an opportunity to try it for himself. 

Daniel Jackson had just become a _father_ ; something he never believed would happen to him. 

Tears seeped from his eyes as he closed them. He was exhausted, overwhelmed, but full of hope. 

He reached out blindly, trying to hold his emotions inside. His fingertips touched Jack’s knuckles, and he trailed down those long, rough fingers to press lightly against Jakaira’s little chest, moving in and out with the motion of her breathing. 

Daniel sighed, content to be touching her… and then Jack’s fingers parted and slipped downward, easing between Daniel’s fingers, holding him and his daughter at the same time. 

“Family,” whispered Jack. “That’s what we are now, Daniel. We’re a real family.” 

“Yes,” agreed Daniel softly. “We are. I love you, Jack. And I love Jakaira, too, because she’s yours.” 

“She’s yours, now, too, you know. I hope you’ll like being a daddy. I think you’ll be great at it.” 

Daniel’s throat closed up, keeping him from telling Jack that he was certain he would love it, so he just squeezed Jack’s hand and nodded.

He closed his eyes, his fingers still laced with Jack’s around Jakaira’s ribs, and he drifted off to sleep, smiling and terrified. 

  

* * *

 

**21 October**

**One week later**

Daniel sat in the waiting room, holding tightly onto Jack’s hand, rubbing his thumb in random patterns over Jack’s knuckles. He glanced at Jack in the chair beside his, back straight, eyes aimed at the door where Jakaira had been taken through almost an hour earlier. He’d barely moved from that position since the child psychologist had taken her away to examine her. 

It had been a week since the child had come to live with them, and aside from sobs when she cried, Jakaira hadn’t made a sound or spoken a word, no matter how they’d tried to get her to talk. Janet had done an additional check to rule out any physical causes for her muteness, but found nothing. She’d referred them to a child psychologist at Peterson AFB, and they’d brought her here.

The psychologist, Doctor Stella Novotny, had told them she would need to observe Jakaira at play and have her complete some tests before she’d be able to give them any answers, and so they waited, separated from their daughter, both of them tense and worried about what they might hear. 

Looking around the room at the other parents, Daniel saw that all of them were male-female couples, and that many of them were staring at the two of them holding hands.

This was a military base, and homosexual relationships were unwelcome, but Daniel didn’t care. They were both civilians now and Jack needed him, needed this contact and support, and there was no way Daniel would deny him that for appearance’s sake.  

He turned his gaze to Jack’s face and murmured, “S’gonna be okay, Jack. She’s strong, you know, just like her father.” 

Daniel could see how worried Jack was. That echoed in Daniel, because both of them knew there was a problem.

Jack’s stony expression didn’t change, but without blinking or looking away from the door that led to the treatment and exam rooms, Jack lifted their interlaced fingers to his mouth and kissed Daniel’s knuckles, then set their hands back on the arms of the chairs.  

 _Message received,_ Daniel knew. But Jack’s concentration was elsewhere, and Daniel waited quietly with him until at last the door opened and the receptionist stepped through with a polite smile. 

“Mr. O’Neill, the doctor will see you now.  Would you come with me?” she asked cheerfully. 

Daniel let go of him instantly.  

Jack stood up and reached for his hand again. “Come on, Daniel,” he urged gently. 

“They won’t let me back there, Jack. You’re her father. Go.” Daniel patted his hand and pulled his out of Jack’s grasp.  

His expression hardening with anger, Jack muttered, “It’s not fair. We need you.”

Then he moved away and followed the woman into the depths of the clinic. 

Not five minutes later, she reappeared at the door to call Daniel back, too.

There was a trace of disgust in her face that he didn’t miss, but he ignored it. _Let_ them disapprove of same-sex relationships all they wanted.

As long as he and Jack had each other and Jakaira, nothing else mattered. 

Daniel took his seat next to Jack in front of the doctor’s desk, putting his cane aside as he sat down. Jakaira was not present, so he assumed she must still be in the playroom with some of the staff for this confidential chat with her parents. 

He studied the psychologist and her relaxed, open expression.

She was young, thirty-something, with short auburn hair and warm brown eyes, and she smiled at him kindly.

He reminded her of Janet. 

Jack shot the doctor a smug look, then turned to meet Daniel’s inquiring eyes. “I explained to the doc that you’re as much Jay’s dad as I am, and that you have experience we can use to help her. I hope you don’t mind me telling her about your parents.” 

With a shake of his head, Daniel answered, “No, of course not. Anything to help Jakaira.” 

The psychologist smiled at both of them. “Look, I don’t share the same prejudices a lot of people in the military do, Jack,” she told him. “I think gay and lesbian couples can raise children just as well as single mothers and grandparents and straight couples, so please don’t think my initial reluctance to have Daniel here with us has anything to do with that. Okay?” 

“Thank you,” said Daniel immediately, a wave of relief settling over him. 

“Then what’s the problem?” asked Jack. 

Doctor Novotny glanced at Daniel before turning her gaze back to Jack. “I think she may not be connecting with you like she needs to, because she’s getting more of what she needs from your partner.” 

“But that’s a _good_ thing,” Jack insisted. “As long as she’s getting it, she’ll learn to bond with me eventually. Don’t you think? I mean, she’s only been here with us for a week.” 

“Yes, I suppose that’ll evolve in its own in time.” Doctor Novotny glanced down at the drawings on her desk. She was thoughtful for a moment. “She didn’t react to the crayons and paper like any child I’ve ever seen before, though. That was a little surprising.” 

“Her mother was... foreign and lived in different culture,” Jack supplied instantly. “Simple agrarian society. They didn’t have paper and crayons, or TV or cars or any of that. She’s come to a whole new world here, doc.” 

Daniel smiled, knowing how well Jack could dance around the truth. He was good at keeping the government’s secrets, telling the doctor just enough to help her make sense of things, while giving nothing away. 

“I gathered that,” she returned quietly. “She’s got a lot of adjustments to make, living in this strange new world with two people she’s never met before, both of whom have suddenly been thrust into the role of parent. I’m sure this hasn’t been easy for you two, either.” 

Jack didn’t answer immediately. He clasped his hands lightly together, made eye contact briefly with Daniel, then with the doctor.

“I’ve been a parent before,” he said softly. “My son died in an accident when he was ten. My wife and I divorced soon after his death.”     

“Then you _do_ have something in your past to help you bond with her,” the doctor suggested warmly. “You just have to look for that connection.  Don’t worry or try too hard.  It’ll develop in time, something you haven’t had much of yet.”  

She sighed and her expression turned solemn, obviously getting ready to deliver the bad news. “Now, as to her silence, my preliminary diagnosis is hysterical muteness. She isn’t refusing to talk. She simply can’t. She doesn’t remember how.” 

The shock was palpable for the two fathers. 

“This is not always a treatable condition,” she told them, glancing from one face to the other. “Sometimes the mind simply cannot process certain events, and she’s suffered quite a shock with the loss of her mother. She may, one day, regain her ability to speak. It might happen suddenly, or it might not happen at all. You have to be prepared for either possibility.” 

Jack’s swallow was audible.

He reached over and laced his fingers together with Daniel’s, holding on for the strength he needed to get through the rest of this ordeal.   

Daniel’s chest tightened. This was what he’d been expecting, but hearing it said out loud tore him up, and he knew Jack was barely holding himself together, too. He squeezed Jack’s hand, reminding him that they were together, that they would deal with this latest tragedy like the team they still were. 

Daniel cleared his throat. 

“What about teaching her sign language?” he asked. He knew some rudimentary signs already, some picked up out of curiosity and others from dealing with tribal cultures that used gestures to communicate with other, nearby tribes that spoke different languages.

He’d always intended to learn ASL, and now he’d have a good reason. 

“That’s an excellent suggestion, Doctor Jackson, which I was going to make to you both,” Doctor Novotny answered with a smile. “Jakaira has a lot to learn in her new culture. She’ll need some way to communicate her needs, and signing will be an excellent bridge. However, you may find that it will also become a crutch for her. Once she learns signing, she’ll have no need to _try_ to find her voice, and until she does, she’ll always use signing to communicate, because it’s easier than trying to speak. When she’s old enough to read and write, she may have a breakthrough, but as long as she can communicate _some_ other way, she won’t be trying as hard to talk.”  

“But if we _don’t_ teach her to sign, she’ll be isolated,” Jack understood. “She won’t have any way of telling us what she needs.”

He glanced at Daniel, fierce love and determination gleaming in his eyes.

“So where do we sign up for classes?” he asked the psychologist. 

Doctor Novotny handed him a business card with a name and phone number handwritten on the back. “These people can help you. They have classes the three of you can take together.” 

Jack took the card, looked at it, and handed it to Daniel. “So, what _else_ can we do to help her?” 

She described a program of therapy disguised as play sessions and gave them some tips on activities they could use to try to prompt her to use her voice.

After some additional discussion on the condition and its ramifications, they thanked her and went with her to the playroom to collect their daughter. 

Jakaira ran to Daniel, who picked her up, gave her a hug and handed her to Jack.

They walked out to their car together, Daniel’s head down in thought, contemplating how they were going to help their wounded, precious daughter, and gearing himself up to learn a whole new language, just for her.

* * *

 

**22 October**

**The Next Day**

The morning dawned bright and clear, and even though there was the chill of impending autumn in the air, the family decided to have breakfast on the deck rather than indoors.  

Daniel closed the patio door behind Jack as he appeared with a platter stacked high with blueberry pancakes and a bowl of freshly hulled strawberries. Daniel hobbled over to his chair, pouring another glass of juice for Jakaira while her father filled her plate, cut up the pancake into bite-sized bits and helped her pour the maple syrup. 

Daniel had been on the internet late the previous afternoon after their session with Doctor Novotny, already looking into websites with information on sign language.  What he’d found had prompted him to go out and buy an ASL CD. He’d stayed up late learning as much as he could so he could get started with her and Jack and help her learn to communicate with them. 

 “Jakaira,” he began, drawing her gaze to his face, “we have people here who can’t hear, and because of that, sometimes they have trouble talking,” Daniel explained. “So we have a whole language made up of hand movements, so deaf people can still talk to their families. Here’s the sign for ‘hungry.’” 

Daniel cupped his right hand into a ‘C’ formation and brought it up just in front of his collarbones, then pulled it down a little, to simulate food going down the esophagus. 

“Hungry,” he repeated. Then he pointed to Jakaira and repeated the sign as he asked, “Are you hungry?” 

She nodded emphatically. 

He smiled. Closing the fingers of his right hand together as if he were holding something with his fingertips, he gestured toward his mouth.

“Eat,” he said, making the motion again as the child picked up her fork, speared a piece of pancake and stuck it into her mouth. “Jakaira is eating.” 

She glanced at her plate, then put her empty left hand to her mouth in a copy of the gesture Daniel had made.

She nodded, swallowed, and watched him for more. 

Daniel glanced up at Jack and saw him smiling slightly, nodding in approval. Daniel flattened out his right hand and touched the tip of his thumb to his forehead, his fingers sticking straight up.

“This is the sign for ‘daddy,’ so if you want to talk just to him, do this to tell him, okay?”

 He wiggled his fingers a little, like a cock’s comb waving in the breeze. 

Jakaira copied the sign and turned to make eye contact with Jack while she did it. 

A big grin spread from ear to ear as Jack looked back at her.

“Yes, baby. I’m your daddy.” He leaned over to kiss her on her syrup-smeared lips.  “You’re her daddy, too, Daniel,” he observed casually. “What do we do about her distinguishing between us? She'll need to at some point, you know.” 

Jakaira stuffed another bite of pancake into her mouth and signed, _‘Daddy eat.’_ Then she handed a ripe strawberry to Jack, who thanked her for it and stuffed the whole fruit into his mouth, making appropriately delighted noises. Jakaira nodded in approval and turned back to Daniel.

She pointed at him and made the sign for ‘ _daddy’_ again. 

“I love the idea of that,” Daniel returned with a smile, which faded quickly as he looked at Jack. “But I have no legal standing in her life. Just like at the clinic, the doctor wouldn’t have let me back there unless she knew there were special circumstances. If there were an accident and I was the only one available to take Jakaira to the hospital, I couldn’t sign any kind of releases or even go with her into an exam room.” 

Jack’s gaze moved slowly from his child to his partner and lingered there, thinking, calculating. He took a sip of orange juice, thoughtfully swirling it around in his mouth before swallowing. “Then we have to fix that. We’ll get a lawyer and see what we can do to get you legal guardianship or something, so that if anything happens to me, you’ll raise our daughter. And I want to give you access to my bank accounts, make you executor of my will, do everything up all nice and legal so you’re as much a part of my life as our bigoted laws will let you be.” His smile widened as he added, “Including sharing your name. How does Jack O’Neill-Jackson sound to you? Are you okay with that, _vidámo_?”   

The morsel of food that Daniel had just swallowed while Jack was talking got stuck halfway down his throat, constricted now with emotion.

He couldn’t take his eyes off Jack’s expectant face, and just nodded, struggling to compose himself to speak. Jackson swallowed a mouthful of milk to push the pancake the rest of the way down, and when he could manage, he reached across the table, covered Jack's hand with his and returned huskily, “Same goes for me, Jack. I want to make a living will so that, if decisions have to be made about my health and I can’t choose for myself, I’ll leave it to you to do for me. God, I never thought about this stuff before!”  

Daniel looked at Jakaira, happily munching away on her breakfast, ignoring their conversation about things she didn’t understand. “Daniel O’Neill-Jackson. I like the sound of that.” He smiled a little, a sense of awe filling him all the way up as he feasted his eyes on the child they now shared. “And our daughter will be Jakaira O’Neill-Jackson, huh?  We’re _parents_ now. That really does change everything, doesn’t it?” 

“Yeah, babe,” Jack agreed, standing up and bending over the table toward him. “It does.” He leaned over for a kiss that tasted of strawberries with the sweet stickiness of syrup around the edges.

“I love you,” he said as he sat back down in his chair.     

Daniel’s mind was whirling, the top of his head spinning from both the conversation and the kiss. Jack always had that effect on him whenever they touched.  He stared into his expressive brown eyes, sparkling now with a touch of playful mischief, and dragged his mind back to the business at hand.

He sat for a moment, trying to remember what they’d been talking about, when Jakaira pointed at him and made the sign for ‘ _eat_.’ 

He remembered the lesson he’d started, cleared his throat and went on, “Some of our words don’t have signs, like people’s names. For those words, we spell them out. Now I don’t know if you can read or not—“ 

“Daniel, she’s barely four years old,” Jack cut in. “Of _course_ she can’t read.” 

He glanced up at his lover, surprised for a moment. “I could when I was three, complete with comprehension,” he announced in a matter of fact voice. 

Jack gaped. “You could? Why am I surprised?  Never mind. Go on with the lesson, Doctor Jackson. We’re all learning here.” He waved a hand at Daniel to continue. 

Daniel looked back at the child. “Okay, so we have to learn to spell people’s names. This is what mine looks like.” He patiently made the signs for D-A-N-I-E-L, saying the letters as his hands formed the gestures, then repeated it while she copied him. 

“Very good!” he cheered enthusiastically.

He hesitated, looking at Jack and back at Jakaira.

“How about if you call us Daddy Jack and Daddy Dan?” 

Jack smiled broadly. “I think I like that, Daniel. Show me the sign for ‘d’ again.” 

He did, and throughout their breakfast, they went over many of the signs Daniel had already learned, getting a good head start on their newest language adventure.

* * *

 

**1 December**

**Five Weeks Later**

  
Tyler O’Neill set the last of the big cardboard boxes on the living room floor and straightened, smoothing back his thick silver hair. He studied the towering Douglas fir set before the front window, parting several of the branches near the base to check the root ball in its burlap bag, nestled snugly into a large pot. This would keep the tree alive until it could be planted after the holidays, sometime after the ground thawed but before the sap began to rise. 

Stepping back, he cast an appraising eye on its shape, and was pleased with the symmetry. It was a big tree this year, but then the whole family might be home to see it.

Hopefully Jack would be able to make it, too.   

Jack had missed the last couple of Christmases with them, and it wasn’t the same without their eldest child visiting.  Tyler and his wife would be calling their son later in the evening, taking a chance he’d be home this time.  

By most folks’ reckoning it was a bit early to start with the Christmas decorating, but his wife loved the season and always wanted to make it last as long as possible. So right after Thanksgiving, on the first day of December, the tree went up and didn’t come down until New Year’s Day. 

With a sigh, Ty bent down and started opening the ornament boxes. They’d let the grandchildren undress the tree last year, and there was no telling what might not have survived their less-than-careful handling. Most everything looked intact, but the tree topper looked like it had seen better days.

He lifted the angel gently from the box and saw that its blonde hair was starting to come out in places. Its dress was wrinkled and one wing had been folded into an awkward crease.  

As the O’Neill patriarch handled the precious heirloom, he remembered how Jack had presented them with this ornament the year Charlie was born.

That sad memory touched his heart, and he knew he couldn’t bear to part with this piece of family history, even though it was a painful reminder of what they’d lost as well.

He’d find a small box for it and put it back into the attic with their other sentimental keepsakes. 

Charlie would have been a man now, if he’d lived. He'd be almost twenty years old, in college, no doubt.

Ty was sure he'd be all long legs and attitude, with a glistening mane of his mother's blonde hair and his father's intense brown eyes.

 Ty sighed, missing the boy and wishing things had been different, but accidents happened and lives went on in spite of tragedy. He’d accepted the boy's death ages ago, but it never got any easier, especially on Charlie's birthday and at Christmas. 

Ty carefully unfurled the bent wing, arranged the angel's curls so that the bald spots were better covered, and smoothed the wrinkles out of its pristine white gown.

When he called Jack to ask if he’d be able to come for the holidays this year, he’d ask his son if he’d like to be the one to replace the angel. If not, it would be a simple thing for someone else to pick one up the next time they were in town.

He stood looking down at the little doll in his hands, still missing his grandson and the sound of his laughter. 

It had been snowing earlier that day, the sky overcast and dull.

Tyler didn’t look outside very much during this season since there was little to see but shades of white, black and gray. As he stood there beside the tree, still holding the little angel, a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds and streamed through the large living room window at his side. 

For a moment, for one blessed moment, golden light illuminated the figurine in his hand and made it sparkle and glow with radiant fire. 

Tyler smiled, watching the light slowly fade and disappear. 

He was a big believer in omens and signs from Above. 

This Christmas would be different, special somehow.

He was sure of it, just as he was sure of the unseen Presence who had brought him the message.   

“Love you, Charlie,” he said quietly, and hugged the doll to his chest, looking up at the ceiling and, in his mind’s eye, seeing a smiling face instead. “Miss you, son. Look after your father for us. He needs you, most of all.” 

After a few moments, he wandered off to look for his wife and ask her where he might find a sturdy storage box for the angel, where it might quietly retire after a life well spent watching over the Clan O’Neill.

* * *

 

**20 December**

**Three Weeks Later**  

“Jack, are you sure you want to do this?” Daniel’s face was drawn with apprehension, concerned about the trip to meet Jack’s family but sure Jack would do what was best for everyone.

Daniel yawned as he held his coffee cup listlessly, not quite awake yet, and almost spilling some of the fragrant brew on the kitchen floor.   

“Yes, I am,” said Jack certainly. “I think all of us need to know what’s going on here.” 

“You can’t tell them _everything_ ,” Daniel reminded his lover sagely, gazing over the tops of his glasses. 

“Well, duh! I still want them to meet you both. I want them to know as much as they _can_ know.”

Jack smiled a little, picturing his mother standing in the snowy Minnesota woods, lobbing a snowball at him, a devilish smile on her lined, beautiful face.

“My mother’s gonna love you. She’ll be nuts about Jakaira and pissed off at me for not marrying her mom, but she’ll get over that.” 

Daniel straightened, taking in a deep breath and holding it for a moment, puffing out his cheeks before letting it go explosively. “Whoa. Meeting your mother. That’s… scary.” 

“Nah. My dad, _he’s_ the scary one,” Jack teased him, watching his eyes widen with a trace of amusement. “Still tops me by two inches. ‘Bout Teal’c’s size, last I saw him.”   

Turning away, Daniel emptied the rest of his coffee into the sink and rinsed out the cup.

“When was the last time you were home?”

He pulled a leather thong out of his pants pocket and quickly tied his hair back with it, the short ponytail now draped well past his shirt collar. 

“A couple of years now.  Christmas, before I retired.” Jack pulled a box of Froot Loops out of the pantry and set it on the dining table next to the empty bowl and spoon he’d already placed there for Jakaira. 

Daniel eyed him unhappily. “You haven’t seen them the whole time we’ve been together. How come?” 

“I couldn’t leave you,” Jack said simply. “And I wasn’t ready to bring you home to them. Now I am.” He shrugged. “And working for the military’s always a convenient excuse why I can’t get time off.” 

“You’re sure you’re ready, considering they could be very unhappy with both of us?” Daniel came closer, slipping his arms around Jack’s waist. “It could be a disaster. Might not be good for Jakaira.” 

“I know, but it’s not like I’m gonna walk in the door and cram our relationship down their throats,” Jack assured him, settling his arms on Daniel’s broad shoulders and reaching around to play with his ponytail. “They’ve met Teal’c in passing, and my mom was charmed right out of her mind. They’ve heard me talk about you and Carter, and are expecting two extra mystery guests. They just don’t know how close you and I are. I’ll leave you and Jay at a hotel in town, and go break the news alone. Hopefully they’ll be so blown away by Jay, they won’t care their son has switched sides.” 

“This is some pretty big news, Jack.” Daniel snuggled in close, nuzzling Jack’s cheek. He sighed. “What if it _does_ make a difference?” 

“Then you and Jay and I will have a nice Christmas by ourselves in Thief River, see some of the countryside and have a leisurely drive back home,” Jack whispered back, rocking him a little, his fingers massaging Daniel’s shoulders and neck. “If they don’t accept me as a gay man, then they won’t accept my family, and I won’t have you or Jay hurt by their bad attitude.” 

“Don’t you think that’s kind of holding them hostage?” He kissed Jack lightly on the lips and drew away with a ragged sigh. “I don’t mind if you take Jakaira to see them without me, you know.” 

“Well, I mind! Besides, we both know she wouldn’t go without you,” growled Jack, “and I’m not gonna haul her away from you, screaming and crying and terrified out of her mind, just so they can see her. We’re a package deal, Daniel, and that’s that.” 

He stepped into the dining room and poured a Jakaiara-sized portion of the cereal into the bowl, set the milk jug on the dining table beside it and headed into the back of the house to fetch her to her waiting breakfast.   

As he went out into the hall, he glanced over at Daniel's piano in the back of the living room, facing the fireplace. There had been just enough room to accommodate the elegant square grand near the deck doors, and Daniel had already started giving Jay music lessons on it.  

Smiling to himself as he recalled the touching sight of Jay sitting on Daniel's lap, pecking at the keys with two fingers, he moved on down the hallway to the little guest bedroom that had been decorated just for her. It now had pale pink walls sporting hand-painted images of rabbit-like creatures with long, barbed tails called _metlars_ , often kept as pets on Eudora.  

Daniel had painted those for her, to remind her of home. 

Much of the furniture in the room was handmade and rough, salvaged from the ruins of her home on Eudora. Jack had wanted her to have as much from her homeworld as possible, to help with the transition to this culture that was so alien to her.  

Jack had done his best to bond with the child, but she remained distant and silent, and part of him was grateful for that distance.

He knew he should be working to deepen the connection between them, but he was afraid of letting her get closer, afraid of the price he might have to pay if anything happened to her.

It was safer to keep her at arm's length and let Daniel do most of the parenting. He was surprisingly good at it, and when he did need guidance from the voice of experience, Jack would speak up and tell him what he needed to know.

Daniel and Jay had bonded fiercely, and that was just fine in Jack's book. 

He knew he should be doing more with her, but he couldn't let her all the way in, and the child felt it. His love for her was idealistic, caring because she was his flesh and blood, but he kept a lot of his heart from her behind a wall of painful memories. He would observe and make sure Daniel got the chance to be a full-fledged father, while he stood by and watched. 

Maybe it wasn't fair to Jay for him to be so reserved, but he was doing the best he could, and she was getting the healing love she needed from Daniel.

 It would have to do. 

Standing in the bedroom doorway, he took a moment to watch her, sitting on her neatly made bed in which she started each night, invariably ending up in her dads’. Her gold-brown hair fell in shiny waves down her back, and she was already dressed in a pink T-shirt over darker pink sweatpants. She had a homemade doll in her lap, carefully brushing its brown yarn hair and smoothing it down with her chubby little fingers. 

“Mornin’, baby,” he called softly. 

His eyes looked back at him from that tiny, solemn face. She gave him a little wave, laid down her doll and brush and used both hands to sign, _Good morning, Daddy Jack_ , as Daniel had taught her. 

Jack copied the movements, smiling at her and saying the words as he made the exact same signs. “ _Good. Morning. Jakaira. Breakfast is ready.”_  

She shook her head and repeated the phrase again, showing him how to finger spell her name, rather than using the sign for _‘Daddy Jack’_ that he had intentionally repeated, to tease her. 

He came into the room and sat down on the little bed in front of her.

“Show me again, honey.”

This time he patiently duplicated her movements, spelling her name with each gesture. “How about if we just use the ‘J’ for your name instead of spelling it all out? That makes my fingers tired.” 

He meant it to be funny, to try to coax a smile out of her, but she just shrugged and slid off the bed, leaving her toys behind. She padded barefoot out of the room without a look backward. Standing up and pausing in the doorway, he watched her go down the hall toward the living room, then turn right and disappear into the dining room where Daniel and her breakfast awaited. 

Jack went into the master bedroom and started tugging on the bedclothes, straightening them, pulling them tight against the mattress, smoothing out all the wrinkles as he made their bed. He pulled the little Disney Princesses pillow out from between their two big ones and tossed it onto the foot of the bed, to take with them on the trip.  

At some point each night, Jay still got up and hurried down the hallway to their room with her pillow tucked under her arm, crawling up between them in their bed to finish the night.

Though the men usually managed to find time for making love, door locked against any intrusions, it was often hurried or interrupted, and Jack longed for a time when he and Daniel could enjoy each other at leisure.

And while Jack thought it was best for them to take Jay back to her own bed and teach her to sleep there, Daniel's soft heart convinced Jack that she needed their closeness and the security, so she would always end up finishing the night with them.

Even now a crack of thunder could send her into a panic, clinging to the closest adult if she were at day care, or to Jack or Daniel if they were at home.   

Jack’s heart went out to her. Had he been raising her alone, he might have been less indulgent, but she’d settled into life on Earth quickly and easily, mostly due to his lover’s patience and caring.

Daniel had been amazing with her, teaching her sign language that she picked up rapidly. He doted on her, talking to her in a stream of constant chatter, half of which Jack didn’t even understand, but Jakaira seemed to get enough of it to remain entertained, or at least happy that someone was communicating with her.

When they were at home, she followed Daniel around like a puppy, sometimes so close to him that she’d accidentally tripped him a couple of times, causing him to fall. 

Invariably, Jack had been out in the garden or in the garage, and Jakaira had come running to him, tugging on his pant leg or arm to get him to come inside and help. She was always upset afterward, crying and inconsolable, but Daniel made sure to hug her as soon as he could manage, telling her that it wasn’t her fault, that he just had trouble walking and sometimes he fell.

She would sit on his lap for hours afterward, refusing to leave him. 

Jack was thrilled that Jakaira had grown so close to Daniel. It took the pressure off him and let him function in the role of back-up parent. They were slowly defining their roles, learning how to help each other.  

Jack couldn’t have asked for a more obedient child. She never seemed to get angry about anything, which Doctor Novotny had assured him was a side effect of her emotional withdrawal. Jakaira was still adjusting, and it would be a long time yet before she felt secure enough to jump the hurdles of past tragedies, and heal.

With love and support from her two daddies, Jack knew she would make it.

She was an O’Neill, after all. 

He grinned to himself. Daniel and he had agreed that shortly after the holidays, she would be an O’Neill-Jackson, and so would both of her parents.  They’d already set the wheels in motion to have all three of their last names legally changed.   

Jack straightened and went to the closet, pulling out the clothes he intended to wear during the holidays, matching up shirts or sweaters and pants, adding the folded underwear and socks to each stack, then setting out the shoes and boots he’d need to bring.  That done, he headed for the bathroom and packed up his shaving kit, leaving it on the bed with his clothes for Daniel to put into the suitcases when he finished packing his own and Jakaira’s stuff. 

He went into the garage to prep their new SUV for the trip. The F-350 was still parked in the driveway and functioned as Jack’s personal transportation or when he needed to haul gardening supplies, but the SUV was now the family car, allowing more room inside for Jakaira’s car seat.

They’d both decided that a long car trip would be preferable to travel in an airplane, thinking air travel might only add to her stress. 

Doctor Novotny had told them Jakaira was making great strides; that she was adjusting to her new home life well.

That buoyed Jack’s spirits, but he still ached to see her smile, hear her laugh, to know the sound of her little-girl voice.

Only Jakaira wasn’t ready to talk yet, at least not with her voice. Jack could translate the signing enough to get by, but he wasn’t nearly as adept at conversation with her as Daniel was. 

Jack hoped she would find her voice soon, aware that might never happen, but still wanting that miracle of wholeness for his child.

 

* * *

 

Inside an hour, the SUV was packed and ready to go. The trio loaded up, with Jack fastening Jakaira in her car seat in the middle of the back seat. Daniel belted himself in the passenger seat up front. They took off just after breakfast and Jack drove all day, stopping periodically for meals, to get gas, or to stretch their legs and take potty breaks.  

Daniel busied himself with a book, memorizing new words in the American Sign Language dictionary, and turning around occasionally to teach ones he thought were most useful to Jakaira.

She busied herself with her toys and watching Disney DVDs when not working on a new language lesson. 

Jack glanced at Daniel to his right, on the road again after a brief stop for lunch and a little walking. “So, wanna know about my family?” 

Grinning back, Daniel told him, “I didn’t want to ask, but of course I want to know about them. You’ve just… you don’t talk about this stuff, and I know you prefer to keep things to yourself.” 

“Well, you’re gonna be meeting ‘em in a few hours, so I might as well do the mission prep.” 

“Where do they live?” 

“Way out in the country, about halfway between Angus and Thief River Falls. Northern Minnesota. Mum and Da moved there when Da retired, after he left the Air Force.” 

“Mum and Da?” 

Jack chuckled a little. “My mother came here when she was about ten years old, fresh off the boat from the old country. She didn’t like the way ‘mom and dad’ sounded and insisted on Mum and Da, the old Irish way.” 

“Cool. Does she speak Gaelic?” 

“Only when she’s pissed off.” Jack glanced over at him. “That’s something you don’t wanna see, trust me.” 

“Sounds like she’s a formidable woman.” Daniel closed the book and gave Jack his full attention. 

“Think Janet Fraiser, only louder and with lightning shooting out of her eyes. That’s me Mum when she’s mad.” 

Daniel laughed. “God, Jack, you sounded so Irish just then.” 

“Well, that’s because I am.” He reached down to turn the radio off. “ _Erin go bragh_ , you know?” 

“You speak Gaelic?” 

“Only what I learned from Mum. Not for polite company, if you get my drift.” He grinned and gave Daniel a wink.  “Uh, Mum’s a very smart lady, in case I never told you. She was raised in a time when women didn’t get much in the way of education or career guidance, but I grew up seeing her with a book in her hand most of the time. Bet she’ll give you a run for the money in conversation topics.” 

“I look forward to meeting her,” Daniel told him, hoping he’d find some way to garner her approval. “What about your dad?” 

“Career military. Retired at the rank of Major. Kinda quiet, but everybody listens when he talks.” 

“So you outrank him, huh? Is he okay with that?” 

“He’s proud of me, yeah.”

He glanced over at Daniel, then patted his thigh. “Give ‘em time, Daniel. They’ll fall in love with you just like I did. You’re impossible to resist.” 

Daniel blushed, smiling back at him. “Jack, you’re a romantic sap. I’d never have guessed you had it in you.” 

Jack reached out and clasped his hand, his fingertips rubbing against Daniel’s palm. “That’s still classified, just for you to know, _vidámo_.” 

“Love you, _ionúin_ ,” murmured Daniel. Even softer, he whispered, “It’s gonna be a long holiday without you-know-what.” 

“We’ll manage,” said Jack softly, glancing away from the road for just for a moment. “What’s that word mean that you just called me? I recognize it from Mum, but she never told me what it meant.” 

“It means ‘ _beloved’_ ,” said Daniel huskily, stroking the skin on the back of Jack’s hand with his fingertips. “I love the way Gaelic sounds, the way it rolls around on the tongue, and isn’t pronounced anything like it’s written. Wonderful language.” 

“ _Ionúin_ ,” repeated Jack. He smiled, eyes on the road. “ _Now_ look who’s a romantic sap.”

He cleared his throat and continued. “So, anyway, back to my family. Mum and Da keep a few horses on the farm and ride nearly every day, except in the winter. Da makes fiddles that he sells through a music shop in Thief River, and Mum’s an artist.” 

“Any brothers or sisters?”

Daniel glanced at their clasped hands, treasuring the moment, being able to touch him even in that small way.

He turned his gaze up to Jack’s profile and watched his eyes move, always scanning, flicking from the road to the rear view mirror, the side mirrors and back to the road.

Jack was an excellent driver with great reflexes, and since Daniel’s disability prevented him from doing any long distance driving, he’d grown accustomed to having his lover chauffer him most everywhere. 

“One of each,” Jack admitted. “I’m the oldest—“ 

“No surprise there,” cut in Daniel teasingly. “Did you call your siblings ‘kids’ and ‘campers,’ too?” 

Jack flashed a grin at him. “Yeah. Got that from me Da.” 

“And ‘for cryin’ out loud’?” asked Daniel with a grin. 

“That’s Mum’s. It usually preceded something colorful in Gaelic.” Jack pulled Daniel’s hand up toward his face and leaned over to kiss his knuckles.

“Sister Kelly is six years younger than me. Married Xavier Santos about twenty years back. Four kids.  Let me see.  Jamie’s eighteen now, Kieran’s sixteen, Liam’s thirteen, and Riona’s ten. They kept tryin’ till they got ‘em a girl.” 

“So her husband’s Hispanic?” Daniel smiled at his hand, as if he could still feel the tingle of Jack’s lips where they had touched him. 

“Yeah. Works for some big software company or other. Kelly’s a doctor.  The M.D. kind. Family practice. They live in L.A.” 

“And your brother?” 

“Brennan’s eight years my junior, the baby of the family. Played semi-pro hockey for a while right out of college, did four years in the Air Force, but he just wasn’t cut out for that kind of disciplined life. Tried being an actor, and eventually got into building houses. He and his kids live in Thief River, about a twenty minute drive to my folks’ place.” 

Daniel noticed Jack didn’t mention a sister-in-law’s name, and waited. His lover’s expression grew dark.  

“Brennan’s wife, Jesse, died in an airplane crash. Right about the time I went missing on Edora. I found out when I got back.” 

Daniel rubbed his thumb over the back of Jack’s hand. “I’m sorry. It must’ve been a nightmare for your brother.” He gave Jack’s hand a squeeze. 

“He’s stepped up to the plate and has been doing okay. Got three kids: Connor’s sixteen now, Sorcha’s twelve, and Finn’s six. I’m hoping he and Jay are close enough in age to want to play together.” 

Jack lifted his hand and kissed Daniel’s knuckles again. Then he smiled at Daniel. “I want them to love you. I’m sure they will, Daniel. Don’t worry about anything, okay?” 

“Trying not to. What does your family do for Christmas?” 

“Well, let’s see…” Jack glanced over at the side mirror a couple of times, let go of Daniel’s hand, then pulled out into the passing lane, speeding up to go around an eighteen-wheeler. When he’d pulled back into the driving lane, he caught up Daniel’s hand and continued.

“Today’s the 20th, and we’ll get there about midday on the 22nd. After I break the news, we’ll settle in and visit. The kids will play. We’ll stuff ourselves. The next day we’ll sleep in till kids come and jump in the middle of us and drag us outside to play in the snow. Might go to Thief River to see a movie later in the day, maybe shop, look at stuff. Same thing till Christmas Eve. Then we exchange our gifts from each other, and there’s more from Father Christmas in the morning.” 

“I hope I brought enough books to keep me busy,” Daniel teased. 

“If not, we’ll go into town and buy you some more,” Jack assured him with a grin. “Oh.  And on Christmas Eve, we dress up and go to church.”

He took his eyes off the road for a long look at Daniel. “You okay with that?” 

“I’ve participated in all sorts of religious ceremonies.  I think I can handle a Mass or two.” 

“Who said we were Catholic?” Jack’s expression was so huffy, it made Daniel do a double-take. 

“Aren’t you? I figured you were Irish Catholic. You’re not?” 

A big, wicked grin split Jack’s face, and he chuckled. “Yeah. About as lapsed as it’s possible to get and not actually be in hell, but yeah. Irish Catholic.” 

Daniel let go of his hand and playfully punched his shoulder. “You got me, Jack.” 

“And that makes me happy as a clam.” He frowned suddenly. “Are clams happy, Daniel?” 

“I have no idea.” 

They settled into a companionable silence, still holding hands until Jakaira tossed her little stuffed camel at Daniel, requesting his attention.

Turning to talk to her, he dutifully changed the DVD in the player for her and tucked the camel back into her lap until she needed something again.  

They made good time in the clear weather, grateful for the dry roads. By early evening they stopped off at a hotel and relaxed for a few minutes, unpacked and took Jakaira to the heated indoor pool for a long swim. Afterward, they went out to dinner and by the time they made it back to their room, she was asleep on Jack’s shoulder. 

He tucked her into the bed, and then he and Daniel retreated to the bathroom for a little privacy.

They quietly made love in the shower and cleaned up afterward, dressed in sweats and eased into bed on either side of her.

In minutes, the whole family was happily dreaming together until morning. 

The next day was a repeat of the first, and on the day after that they arrived in Thief River Falls, Minnesota in early afternoon.

Jack checked them in at a Ramada Inn and unloaded the luggage into the room.  

Daniel got Jakaira out of the car seat and took her into the hotel to wait for Jack’s return.

He kissed them both goodbye, climbed back into the SUV, and headed for his parents’ home.

* * *

 

Jack stamped his feet on the porch to get the snow off his boots and threw open the front door. 

“Woman of the house!” he shouted into the foyer. 

“Wipe your feet!” came the expected response from the depths of the house. 

Though he had already done that, he made a great show of doing it again as a small woman with long brown hair, just streaked with silver at the temples, came into the foyer from the den. She was dressed in an ankle-length black velvet skirt over a pair of black leather boots, one with a silver chain around the ankle. An emerald velvet blouse set off the green in her eyes, and at the back of her head, her hair was pulled back with a bright red bow.   

Africa O’Neill’s face was alight with joy, and she reached for her eldest son with open arms. “Jack! Heavens, I’ve missed you, boyo. Give your old mother a hug.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he bent down to her. 

He embraced her tightly and lifted her off her feet, swinging her around in a circle.

He snuggled into her neck, breathing in his mother’s familiar, beloved scent. 

“Love you, Mum. Missed you like crazy.” 

Africa pulled back from him, wide-eyed and obviously surprised. Jack hadn’t declared his affection for her out loud since he was a little boy, and he knew it was a shock for her to hear it.

Being with Daniel was changing him in all kinds of ways, and this was one of them.

What he’d once found nearly impossible to say aloud was now almost second nature, still not always easy for him to get out, but it filled a need and felt damned good.   

He could tell from the stunned look of joy in her eyes and the blush in her cheeks that she enjoyed it, too. 

“Son! Welcome home.” His father’s booming voice filled the foyer and as soon as Jack had set his mother on her feet again, he was being squeezed so hard he could hardly breathe. 

“Da!” he wheezed. “Air. Now. Please.” 

Jack sucked in a deep breath as his father chuckled and let go.  

“So where are your friends?” asked his mother, peering out the still-open front door onto the porch. “We’re eager to meet them. Did you bring that Murray fella with you?” 

“No, Mum.” Jack’s joy at being home again subdued instantly. “Let me get my coat off, and we’ll go inside and talk. Are Kelly and Brennan here?” 

“Oh, yes. Everyone’s waiting for you, as you asked.”

She hugged him again briefly and reached for the earring dangling from his left lobe with a look of wonder.

“This is a different look for you.” Her eyes went to his hair, longer now, but still just within the regs. “I like it, Jack. It suits you.” 

His father just frowned at the changes, then shrugged them off as he led the way into the den at the back of the big house. 

Jack took off his scarf, gloves and coat, and left them hanging on the rack in the entryway.

Filled with a kind of dread, though it was well laced with pride and happiness in Daniel and Jay, Jack followed his parents into the den.

He listened for the sound of young voices and heard none.

Glancing out the big picture windows at the back of the big room, he saw the children all outside, skating on a small frozen pond not far from the house. 

He took a moment to hug his sister and brother and shake his brother-in-law’s hand, then retreated to the center of the room, wondering how the hell to start. 

“So what’s this big news you’ve got to tell us, Jack?” asked his sister. She was sitting on the couch now, a cup of hot coffee in her hand. 

“You better set that down, Kelly,” he warned her. 

Expressions all around grew solemn. All eyes were fixed on him. Kelly obeyed and clasped her hands in her lap. 

He stuffed his fingers into the pockets of his jeans, his shoulders inching up around his ears. “So, do you want the good news or the great news first?” 

A bright smile broke out on his mother’s face. “The good news, darlin’.” 

“Okay.” He forced his shoulders down and his chin up proudly.

He pulled his hands out of his pockets, letting them dangle loosely at his sides, knowing he needed to be ready for anything. “I’ve fallen in love again.” 

Cheers went up all around him. Everyone came forward to hug him one at a time, clap him on the shoulder and wish him well. He had to wait for that reaction to subside and for everyone to return to their places before he could continue.  

He swallowed hard, wishing there were some easier way to temper the rest of it.  He finally decided there was no way to sugar-coat it, so he simply added, “Only this time, I’m in love with a man.” 

No one even blinked for a moment. His father began to laugh and others picked it up, carrying around him in a nervous wave. 

Jack didn’t smile. He stared his father right in the eye, his stomach doing flip-flops. “This isn’t a joke, Da. I’m dead serious, and it’s for real. This isn’t a fling or curiosity, and it’s not a casual relationship. He loves me, and I love him, and you and Mum both know how hard it is for me to say that out loud. This is for the rest of our lives.” 

His mother closed her eyes. “Sweet Mary, mother of God!” she blurted under her breath as she crossed herself, her face going pale. Her lips started moving in silent prayer as she bowed her head. 

Ty’s eyes were wide and staring. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” he whispered, obviously shaken to his soul. He put his arm around his wife and pulled her close.

They clung to each other in shock and despair. 

This was exactly what Jack had feared, but also expected. He was prepared for whatever came next and held his head high, pride and love filling him up, strengthening him. 

His gaze fell on the face of each family member in the room. 

Kelly’s husband, Xavier, pointedly turned around and put his back to Jack, looking down into the fireplace, hands stuffed into his pockets.  

His brother, Brennan, wouldn’t even look him in the eye. His face was a mask of disgust and dismissal, completely closed off and unreasonable. He remained completely silent, staring at the floor. 

His sister, Kelly, on the other hand, met his eyes steadily, understanding and acceptance plainly written on her features. “Are you happy, Jack?” she asked gently. 

“Yes. We both are.” He smiled at her in gratitude. “Daniel is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.” 

“Then that’s all that matters to me.” She stood up and came to him, putting her arms around his neck. He hugged her back fiercely, glad that _someone_ in his family was okay with this.   

Kelly leaned back enough to look into Jack’s face.  “Daniel? That’s his name?” she whispered. 

Jack nodded, swallowing hard, overcome with love for his sister.  

“Such a nice name, Jack.  And if he loves you, and you love him, I’m sure he’s a wonderful person.”  

“He is,” Jack murmured, tears prickling the back of his eyes, hyper-aware that the rest of his family had turned to stone, right where they were sitting. 

No one had moved a muscle or flickered an eyelid since Kelly had stood up. 

She pulled away and kissed his cheek, then stood at his side with her arm around his waist, looking back at the rest of the family.

“I love my brother,” she declared to them. “I know the rest of you do, too, and you can bet your life this wasn’t easy for him to tell us. Why don’t we listen to what he has to say and at least try to have open minds, all right? Because I’m sure Daniel has to be someone _truly_ special for our Jack to have given his heart to him.” 

Jack looked down into her lovely face, so much like their mother in her younger days, and smiled.

He slipped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. 

“I love you, baby girl,” he said in a soft voice. “D’ya know that?” 

She leaned her head against him with a sigh. “Yeah, Jack. I do.” She hugged him and remained standing by his side, her eyes glowing from his rare expression of affection. “Hearing you say that, though... kinda feels like the pillars of heaven are shaking a little.” 

He turned away from her, comforted by her support, and made eye contact with his father, who was staring aghast at his sister. 

Ty looked like he’d bitten into something with a really bad taste as he pulled away from his wife’s embrace, sitting stiffly upright beside her. 

“Open minds!” Ty spat incredulously. “Open _minds_? You’ve lost your mind, girl.” Ty was furious, his face darkening with rage as he turned to glare at his son. “How _could_ you, Jonathan?” he demanded hotly, fists clenched at his sides, eyes glittering with emotion.  “You’re nearly fifty years old! You’ve had an eye for women all your life. How could you suddenly turn queer? I can’t believe it! I won’t believe it. Not _my_ son. If this is a joke, it’s not fucking funny.” 

Jack’s gaze didn’t waver, even though he flinched inwardly at the mention of that label and the use of his given name.

Even as his father’s disbelief and anger washed over him like a white-hot tide, Jack drew on the inner peace he had from both Kelly’s support and Daniel’s abiding love.

“Sometimes things happen, Da,” he said quietly. “When teams depend on each other for life every moment of the day and night, you get close. I loved my team, every one of ‘em, way more than I should have as their commander. They were like family to me, all of them, and we were the best because of that.”

He met his mother’s eyes with a tiny smile. “Murray in particular.” 

Her eyes were wary as she looked up at him. “I thought you said you were with Daniel. Isn’t he that archaeologist fella on your team that you’ve told us about?”   

“I meant Murray was the best soldier on our team, but yeah, one of Daniel’s PhD’s is in archaeology. He’s also a linguist and does a lot of our translating for us. You haven’t met Daniel yet, but I hope you’ll want to, because Kelly’s right. He is a very special man. Really smart. Triple doctorate and king-sized pain in the ass.” 

He smiled, shaking his head, proud to at last be talking about Daniel to his parents.  “When I first met him eight years ago now, I thought he was an arrogant, snotty little geek – which he was, actually. But right from our first mission together, I also learned he was a brave man, a good man, someone I could trust with my life.” 

He took a deep breath and moved his gaze down to the floor. Kelly was rubbing his back now, her fingers moving in small circles between his shoulders. He sighed and went on, his voice deepening.

“He was the one who helped me survive Charlie’s death, made me see that life was still worth living, that I still had a purpose. I owed him for that. Big time.” 

His mother’s head came up, the wariness in her eyes fading a little.

She gave a small nod. “Then we’re indebted to him for that, too, son. But why this--  this--“ 

She hesitated, obviously unsure of what to call what Jack and Daniel were to each other. 

“When? How? I don’t understand, Jack. There’s been no indication at any point in your life that you might be attracted to men. I’d have seen it, I think, and it’s not been there.” 

Jack nodded. “That’s because I’ve never _been_ attracted to men, Mum,” he answered quietly. “Just this _one_.”

He put both arms around his sister and rocked her fondly as he spoke about the love of his life.

“Daniel’s an amazing man. He’s a hero, many times over. I can’t tell you any specifics, but I’ll let you in on a little secret.”

He couldn’t stop the smile of pride tugging at his mouth. “One day the history books will show that Doctor Daniel Jackson may well be one of the most important people ever born, in the whole history of the human race. Top five, for sure.” 

Astonishment softened Ty O’Neill’s rage for a moment, but curiosity nudged it stubbornly aside. “That’s a pretty big boast, Jack. What’s so special about him?” 

“Classified, Da, but I’ve got facts to back it up. I _wish_ I could tell you, because you’d be begging me to bring him home just so you could shake his hand and get his autograph for posterity. You’d be thrilled out of your minds that he’s my…”

He couldn’t say the word to them. 

Faces shuttered as they automatically supplied it themselves. 

Jack turned back to his mother. “You wanted to know when. I’ve worked with Daniel for eight years. He’s saved my life more times than I can count, figured things out that nobody else could, and managed to always find ways to bring me and the rest of the team home, when it looked like that just might be impossible. I grew to admire him. Then I learned to like him. And one day about eighteen months ago, he was injured. I thought he was gonna die, and that’s when I realized we were way more than just friends. That was hard. Took me a while to realize just how deep it went. Scared the crap out of me, too, but I got all right with it after a while.” 

“Then you told him,” Kelly surmised, “and you got together.” 

“That took a while, too, because Daniel was just like me. Straight as an arrow. He’d never looked at any man as anything but a friend. He’d been married before, too, and his wife died tragically, right in front of him. I was there to help him through that, about four years back.” 

He glanced at Brennan, knowing that was around the same time his brother’s wife had passed away. Brennan’s anger vanished, and remembered grief took its place.  

“Daniel didn’t know what to think at first, when he found out how I felt. He was recovering from a serious injury that had left him permanently handicapped, and I was taking care of him.”

 Jack eyed his father. “He got hurt on my watch, on my team. He was my responsibility, and I couldn’t leave him to fend for himself because he couldn’t be part of the team anymore. Plus I knew by then that I -- well, I -- I needed him with me.  So I retired from the Air Force to take care of him.” 

For a moment, he didn’t say anything, waiting for that unspoken acknowledgment, one soldier to another.

Jack’s father had been career military, too. He understood command responsibility, of taking care of his people and their families, especially if what happened to them was the CO’s fault. It hadn’t been Jack’s fault, not really, but he bore the responsibility just the same. 

Tyler O’Neill nodded, his expression softening. That part of it he obviously understood. “You’re just feeling guilty, son,” he offered sympathetically. He held out his hands, palms up, in a beseeching gesture. “That’s all this is. It’ll pass.” 

Jack shook his head. “No, Da, it’s not. I know what happened to Daniel wasn’t my fault. It just happened. As you know, things can go wrong in a heartbeat, and sometimes people get hurt. They die. We were lucky enough to get home alive, but there’s no guilt here.” He patted his chest. “This isn’t like anything I’ve ever felt before, Da. It’s _real_ , and it’s deep, all the way down to the roots. He makes me happy.  He loves me, and I love him back.” 

All of Jack’s praise and explanation were falling on deaf ears. His parents’ faces were closed and filled with bitterness. His mother wouldn’t look at him, and his father was glaring, his eyes proclaiming his leashed anger. 

Kelly gave Jack a little squeeze. “So you’re retired, huh? What’re you doing now?” 

“Still working for Uncle Sam, same program, same people, just as a civilian advisor.” 

“And they let you work there, knowing you’re shacked up with another man?” his father spat in disbelief. “The military doesn’t tolerate queers kindly, Jack. They’ll kick you out on your ass when they find out.” 

Jack shook his head. “Not with _this_ program,” he assured his father. “It’s so specialized, and there are so few experienced people with the necessary skills that… allowances have been made. As civilian special advisors, Daniel and I can still offer our expertise without the same restrictions for military folks. Me, they could actually do without, but not _him_.” 

“I thought you said Daniel wasn’t on your team anymore?” asked Brennan, slumped into his chair now, speaking to Jack’s shoes.   

“He’s sidelined, yes, because of his bad knee,” Jack explained, “but he’s the very best in the world at what he does, far too valuable for the government to let slip away because he has to walk with a cane, or because of some damned homophobic discriminatory policy. He’s the single most important person in our whole operation, and has been from the beginning. Daniel still works there, too, in another department. I’m pretty sure everybody knows about us. I know our CO does, but nobody says anything. They know what the stakes are, and as long as Daniel’s there and working, nobody really cares who he loves.” 

Kelly pulled away to look up at him. “Wow, Jack. You’ve really built him up to be extraordinary.” 

“No building up necessary,” Jack told her frankly, pride and love swirling its glowing warmth around his heart. “He just is.” 

Ty sat down heavily on an ottoman and sighed. “Well, I don’t care how extraordinary he is, I’ll not have him in my house. I’m sorry, Jack. He’ll never be welcome here.” 

“Tyler O’Neill, how dare you!” snapped Africa, her head whipping around to face him, green eyes flashing in warning. “This is _my_ home, as well, and you’ll not be deciding for both of us. I don’t care if you are the head of this household -- I’m the heart of it, and by God, we’ll agree before anything’s decreed!” 

 _Go, Mum,_ Jack said in the privacy of his mind. He dared not hope for a decision in their favor, though. Not just yet, anyway. 

Ty had the good grace to look a little embarrassed. “Sorry, Bonnie. But I don’t see how we can allow that kind of fornication in our house. There are children about, for God’s sake!”

He waved toward the windows and their grandchildren skating on the nearby pond. 

“We’ll hear him out, we’ll talk, and _then_ we’ll decide.” Africa crossed her arms over her chest and tilted up her chin, doing her best to look down her nose at her giant of a husband. 

“We won’t be ‘fornicating’ in the house,” Jack assured his father, too aware of the heat now rising in his face at that thought.

He and Sara had never had sex in his parents’ house when they visited, and he couldn’t imagine doing it with Daniel under his parents’ roof, either.

“And if I know Daniel, he probably won’t be comfortable with me touching him in front of you, either, so you’ll have nothing to worry about. The kids will be safe from any hint of anything going on between us. We’ll introduce him to them as my friend, which he is, and let it go at that. In time, they’ll get it, and if they ask, we’ll direct them to their parents so you can explain it however you want.” 

His mother’s expression was still closed. 

She cocked her head and sighed. “Well, if this was the _good_ news, I shudder to think what the great news might be. You might as well drop the other shoe while you’re at it.” 

Jack thought about Jakaira, picturing her sweet little face, and smiled. Tears prickled at his eyes.

“I have a daughter,” he said simply. “She’s four years old, and we’ve brought her with us, so you could meet her.” 

Eyes and mouths went wide on every face. Africa gasped and pounced to her feet, a stream of Gaelic pouring from her astonished lips. “God in heaven, Jack! How? When? Dear God!”

She rushed to him, throwing her arms around his waist, his previous announcement apparently forgotten. 

His father sat stunned on the ottoman, shock overpowering his disapproval.

“All right,” he said after an explosive sigh. “This is unexpected.” 

“It was for me, too,” Jack said solemnly. “Her name is Jakaira, and you’ll have to understand, there are things I can’t tell you about her. I was on a mission, all the details are classified, and I was stranded with her mother’s people for three months.” He shook his head, remembering. “I thought I was never coming home, so I… started a relationship with Laira. That was her mother’s name.” 

“Jakaira. That’s a combination of your name and her mother’s,” guessed Brennan. 

Jack nodded. “I didn’t know about the baby,” Jack went on. “When my team came for me, I asked Laira to come with me, but she chose to stay with her people. I would’ve done the right thing, if she’d come with me, but it was her choice to stay.”  
”So you were never married?” asked his mother. 

“No.” He cleared his throat. “I promised to go back, but never did. Then Laira was killed a few months ago in an earthquake.”

He swallowed hard, remembering what Paynan had told him in the infirmary afterward.

“Jakaira watched her mother die. She’d been trapped in the ruin of her house for two days before they dug her out. She didn’t have anyone else, so Laira’s people sent her to me.” 

Tyler O’Neill paled and wiped a hand over his face. “Poor little thing. God bless her.” He looked at his son. “We’ll be right careful with her, son.” 

“There’s more.  She can’t talk because of the trauma,” Jack told them. “She’s seeing a psychologist back home, and-- Daniel’s helping, too. He--“

They had discussed this, deciding what to tell his family, and Daniel had assured him it was all right, as long as it helped them understand the bond between this other man and Jack’s daughter. He was still reluctant to tell them, because he knew how sensitive Daniel was about his past.

“His parents died in a similar way, right in front of him, too, when he was eight years old. He’s known how to help her better than anyone else, because he’s been where she is. She’s _very_ attached to him because of that, but also because _everybody_ loves Daniel. He’s just that kind of person.” 

Africa O’Neill crossed herself. She sighed and nodded. “I can see how his experience would be a useful tool for her recovery.”

She levelled a warning gaze at him. “As long as it’s not taken too far. _You’re_ her father, Jack. Not _him_.” 

“I know, Mum. We just haven’t bonded yet. We’re working on that.” 

“Does Daniel live with you?” asked Brennan. 

“Yes, he does. Has for nearly a year and a half. Weeks before we got together as more than friends.” Jack shifted a little, back and forth on his feet, staring at the hardwood floor. “I’m at home in the Springs now almost all the time except for a few trips a year to the Pentagon for the job. I just… I hadn’t been ready to tell you about Daniel and me yet, but now, with Jakaira…”

He waved a hand and dropped his gaze to the floor. “I just needed to come home. It’s been a rough year. _Really_ rough. And I wanted Jakaira to know her whole family. Where she comes from. I wanted her to know her roots.”   

“There isn’t a better Christmas present than that,” Africa declared, looking up at him from beneath his arm. “So when are you bringing her to meet us?” 

“That’s the thing, Mum,” he answered hesitantly. “She’s bonded with Daniel. Rarely lets him out of her sight, except at day care when she’s with other kids. She ends up in our bed half the time and won’t go anywhere without him, if she’s got a choice. If you want to see Jay, you have to accept Daniel here, too. _None_ of us has a choice in this. He’s what she needs right now, and I won’t traumatize her by taking her away from him just to meet you.” He hesitated. “ _I_ need him, too, and I won’t have him left out of family gatherings. We’re a package deal, a family. All three of us, or none of us. If he’s not welcome... we’ll send you pictures.” 

Africa looked at Tyler. He stared back at her.

Jack couldn’t read a thing in their expressions, didn’t see a single gesture, but his parents had been together for fifty years, long enough to communicate on a level that went far beyond body language and words. They were discussing the situation without saying a thing.

At the same moment, they gave each other a brief nod and turned to face their son. 

“We don’t like being held hostage like this, son,” said his father tightly. “It smacks of blackmail, but you know your daughter far better than we do. If that’s the only way we can see her, then your… friend will be allowed into our home. We’ll be civil to him. There will be no insults or arguing about the path you’ve chosen for your life, but we don’t have to like him. We’ll make this sacrifice for our granddaughter; not for anyone else.” 

“I understand that, and thank you,” Jack returned formally. “I know this isn’t easy for any of us, but we have to do what’s right for Jay. She needs her family. Her _whole_ family. I _want_ her to know you. We’re all she has now. And all I ask for myself is that you treat Daniel with respect.” 

Africa O’Neill sighed as she pulled away from her son. “I’m sorry this couldn’t have been a truly happy occasion, son, but we’ll get through it, for Jay’s sake.” 

Jack patted her cheek as he stepped away, heading toward the foyer. “Well, I may be coming home a lot more often now,” he told her. “But that’ll depend on a lot of things. Jay needs her roots, but we’ve still got some hurdles with her, yet.” 

“We’ll be careful with her,” Ty promised. 

“I’ll be back in about an hour,” Jack assured them as he shrugged into his coat. “We can discuss it further if you want, but just give Daniel a chance. For Jay’s sake, and for mine.” 

The stunned looks on their faces were evidence that he had rocked their whole world.

 Jack stood in the doorway to the living room, aware of how completely blown away they were by the two pieces of news they’d been given and the unfortunately necessary blackmail they’d had forced upon them.

He was sad that they thought of it that way, but as he raised his eyes to Kelly’s face and saw her smile, the tears gathering in her eyes, he knew they’d all get through it somehow.  
She was happy for him. He could be okay with just that little bit of acceptance, and God willing, the others might have a change of heart, too. If they didn’t, it would be their own choice.

He would protect those he loved from harm, even if it were from his own flesh and blood. 

Jack wrapped himself up in scarf, coat and gloves and headed out to the SUV, still parked in front of the house. He started up the engine and let it warm up a bit before heading off down the country road toward Thief River Falls and his family.

And as he drove, he said a little prayer that things might turn out all right in the end, because his daughter would need that, and because he selfishly wanted acceptance among his kin for the man he loved. 

* * *

 

The SUV rounded a bend in the salted and sanded road, cutting through the landscape dotted with patches of white, bringing the O’Neill family homestead into view through a light veil of falling snowflakes. The late morning sun was only a pale glimmer in the overcast gray sky, casting indistinct blue shadows behind everything. The scene through the car windows was still except for the idly cascading flakes and a curl of smoke from the chimney.

Nothing living moved in the silent landscape outside. 

“Here we are, kids,” Jack called to his passengers. 

“Oh, wow,” said Daniel in a hushed voice, his eyes roving over the house and the snowy setting. “Jack, it’s beautiful!” 

Jack couldn’t help smiling at Daniel in the seat beside him. He winked, too.  “ _More_ beautiful, now that you two are here,” he said softly. 

Daniel winked back, reached over, and patted Jack’s shoulder, his fingers lingering on his soft sweater, warmed by Jack's radiant body heat. 

He took off his seat belt, his eyes going to the impressive house once again. 

The O’Neill’s home was very unusual, a huge, two story split log building with a deep porch running the length of the front, reminding Daniel of some of the modern Finnish style homes. On the southern end, a rounded tower made of vertically set logs projected one story taller than the house, with a wrought iron cap on top of it, serving as an observation deck. Four gables projected out of the second story roof, each with a big round window overlooking the scenery. 

The scene reminded Daniel of a Thomas Kincaid painting, filled with light and warmth, inviting them to enter. 

To the north of the house was a smaller white clapboard building that served as a garage, and beyond that was a big red barn with white trim. Beside it was a corral where he could see two shaggy horses in their thick, rough winter coats. 

Twisting around in his seat, Daniel pointed them out to Jakaira.

He didn’t think she’d ever seen a horse before, except on television.

All Earth animals were an adventure to her, something new and exciting. 

Her big brown eyes grew wide as she stared at the big beasts.

Daniel waited for her to ask a question or show some other interest, but her hands remained still, clutching her homemade doll that Daniel knew her mother had made, and her floppy stuffed camel that he’d bought for her.

He turned to look back at the O’Neill family home, wanting to memorize every detail and truly savor his first look at it.

This was the place where Jack spent the last years of his youth, before joining the Air Force after high school.  

Daniel could imagine him here, a tall, lanky youth tossing snowballs and chopping wood.

Jack would’ve had a good time in this quiet, isolated place.

He enjoyed solitude, but liked it even better when he had someone to talk to when he wanted. 

The area around the house was cleared of trees and showed signs of an interesting garden underneath the netting and coverings protecting the more delicate vegetation. On all sides around the compound, thick woods sprang up, isolating the property from the nearest neighbors.

Not far from the tower, the yard sloped steeply down to a rushing river dotted with snow-capped boulders.   

After pulling up in front of the house and turning the car off, Jack slipped on his coat, gloves, and scarf while Daniel turned around to extricate Jakaira from her car seat.  

Jack came around and opened Jay’s door.

“We’re home,” he called softly, reaching out for his daughter. She hadn't been wearing her coat in the heated car, so rather than put it on her and then take it off again moments later, he wrapped her up in a fluffy pink blanket to keep her warm between the heated vehicle and the house.  

Daniel watched Jack carry his daughter up onto the porch and knock on the door while he got carefully out of the SUV, fearful he might slip. 

He shut Jay’s door and that movement unbalanced him slightly and made him twist a bit, even with the gritty footing of the sanded driveway beneath his feet. The movement sent a warning twinge up from his artificial knee to his hip.

He stood still for a moment, lips pressed firmly together, waiting for the pain to pass. 

Slamming his own car door behind himself, he slowly trudged through the falling snow to the porch, leaning heavily on his cane.  

Jack got the door open, and Daniel followed closely behind him. He couldn’t see past Jack in the narrow hallway, so he waited, inching forward so he could close the door behind them all. Then he backed up and leaned against it, waiting for the introductions. 

“Mum, Da, this is Jakaira.”

Jack pulled the blanket down and patted her on the shoulder to get her to turn around. 

Meeting her eyes over her father’s shoulder, Daniel nodded and gestured to her to obey.  

She stopped clinging to Jack’s neck, pushed upright and faced the crowd behind her. 

Hushed whispers in Gaelic erupted. “Oh, Jack, she looks just like you.”

There was a definite Irish lilt to the woman’s speech, though it was faint. Daniel knew that must be Jack’s mom. 

“It’s our angel,” whispered a deep man’s voice. “Remember, Bonnie? Jack was to bring us a new angel for Christmas, and he _has_!” 

Jack looked into his daughter’s eyes and glanced away, leading her gaze to his parents. “Jay, this is your Gramma and Grampa O’Neill. They're my mother and father.” He pointed past them. “And that over there’s your Aunt Kelly and her husband, Uncle Xavier, and that goofy-looking guy over there’s your Uncle Brennan.” 

Everyone took turns waving to Jakaira as they were introduced and then approaching her to speak in turn, greeting her warmly. 

Jack stepped aside with a glance at Daniel, his face filled with warmth and love.

“And, everybody, this is Daniel.”

Daniel smiled self-consciously and gave a little wave. “Hello,” he said quietly. “Merry Christmas, everyone.” 

“Hello,” said the big man who was Jack’s dad.  He had a head full of snowy white hair and a deep, James Earl Jones voice.  He glanced past Jack and Jakaira, studying Daniel’s face with cold and forbidding brown eyes, doing a threat assessment that looked eerily familiar to Daniel. 

“Why don’t we all go into the den so we can actually see each other? This hallway’s too damn narrow.” 

“Ty, watch your language,” snapped the woman with the Irish accent. “Mind little ears.” 

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am.” 

Slowly, everyone began to move forward. The warm yellowish hallway gave way to a big sunken corner room with two walls filled with picture windows looking out on the landscape behind the house.

In the distance, Daniel saw a skating pond, with several children on ice skates twirling and speeding around on its frozen surface.

“Looks like the kids are all out there, Jack,” he said softly, with a nod toward the windows. 

“Of course, that’s where they’d be,” Jack agreed. He leaned down and gave his mother a peck on the cheek. “We need a little time to break the ice in here first, so they’ll be in later to meet you and their new cousin.”

Jack nodded him forward. “Daniel.” 

He stepped up beside Jack and hooked his cane into his coat pocket, freeing up his right hand. 

“Mum, this is Doctor Daniel Jackson. Daniel, I’d like you to meet my mother, Africa Shaugnessy O’Neill.” 

“It's a genuine pleasure and an honor, Mrs. O’Neill.”  

When she offered her small hand, he took it gently and shook it in greeting, smiling down into her serious, searching eyes.

Jack’s description of her had been dead-on. The O’Neill matriarch was only a little taller than Janet Fraiser. Her big green eyes widened as she looked straight into his, her stony expression softening as she gazed back at him. 

He continued to smile at her. S

he smiled back, shyly, with a girlish tilt of her head. Daniel could see where Jack got that irreverent mouth and those dimples, but that was where the resemblance to his mother ended. There were few lines in her face, making her look much younger than her seventy years.  

“Were you named for the continent or the eleventh century Irish princess?” Daniel asked as she withdrew her hand from his.   

Shock skittered across her face, followed quickly by a bright smile and a hearty, musical laugh. “By God, he’s the only person I’ve ever met who knew it was an Irish name!” she said happily, looking around at the assembled group.  

She gazed up at Jack, suspicion in her eyes. “You didn’t tell him?” 

Jack shook his head, grinning hugely. “Nope. Daniel knows this kind of stuff. He has unbelievable amounts of little tidbits like that filed away in his genius brain.” 

Africa turned to her husband and patted his arm. “That’s a point in his favor, Ty.”

She held up a finger and raised her eyebrows at her husband.

Turning back to Daniel, she told him, “To answer your question, young man, I was named for the princess, of course. My mum was quite a reader, and fond of unusual names.” 

Daniel was warmed by her friendliness and the small measure of acceptance she’d granted him.  He felt that things were going well, so far. 

“Da, this is my partner, Daniel,” Jack went on, gesturing between the two men. “Daniel, Major Tyler O’Neill, USAF, retired.” 

“It’s a privilege to meet you, sir,” said Daniel, looking up at the imposing man.

He was every bit Teal’c’s size, and except for his full-lipped mouth and his extra girth, his resemblance to Jack was startling. He shook the man’s beefy hand and felt rather small and fragile while in his grip.

Even at his age, Tyler O’Neill could probably snap him in two.

And looked as if he wanted to do just that. 

Jack motioned to a younger woman coming closer. She had green eyes, just like her mother, and Daniel knew this had to be Jack’s younger sister. She was much taller than her mother, however, and sturdier of build. She reminded Daniel of Sam in an odd sort of way, all big eyes, friendly smile and short, spiky blonde hair.

She was grinning at him, eager to meet him, and that felt good. 

“This is Kelly,” said Jack simply. 

“Welcome to the family,” she whispered in Daniel’s ear as she put one arm around his neck and hugged him. “Be patient. They’ll come around.” A

nd then she was stepping back to look at her big brother standing there with his Daniel, apparently thrilled with what she saw in his eyes.   

“Xavier Santos, Kelly’s husband,” said a small, dark man just a little taller than his wife. He came forward to shake Daniel’s hand, then stepped back beside his wife. His Hispanic heritage was obvious, as was his disapproval. 

“And baby Brennan,” Jack finished, obviously teasing his sibling. 

"Knock it off, Jack," the younger man shot back with a trace of good-natured irritation.

Brennan looked much like a younger version of Jack, but with Africa’s green eyes and dark blonde hair. Daniel shook hands with him, reaching for his cane again as soon as that formality was done. 

Jack nudged his arm. “Daniel, if you’ll take Jay, I’ll go unload and get the car parked in the garage,” he said.

He handed Jakaira off to him and headed for the foyer. 

Once Daniel had her in the crook of his left arm, he glanced at the child to make sure she was okay. 

She seemed to be taking it all in just fine.

He hooked his cane into his pants pocket and finger-spelled ‘ _ancestors_ ,’ gesturing toward the elder O’Neills with his head.  “Ancestors,” he said softly. 

Jakaira nodded, understanding. 

“I’ll help unload the car,” said Ty, heading for the door and putting on his coat. 

“Me, too,” called Brennan. He frowned on the way past and hurried after his father and brother. Xavier also put on his coat and followed the other men outside. 

“Daniel, would you like to sit down?” asked Kelly, gesturing toward the sofa.  

He smiled at her, offered his thanks, and limped over to where she had just taken a seat. He groaned a little as he eased down on the couch, his knee starting to throb from the twist earlier.

Settling Jakaira on his lap, he looked at her when she patted his cheek to get his attention. 

“What is it, baby?” he murmured.  

She leaned down and touched his knee, her eyes questioning him silently. 

He nodded. “Yes, honey, it’s hurting a little. I twisted it outside.” 

“Are you all right?” asked Africa, taking a few steps closer.

Mrs. O’Neill squatted down beside him so she could look into her granddaughter’s face, obviously entranced with the child. 

“I’m fine,” Daniel responded automatically, offering her a smile.  

“Which is why you walk with a cane,” teased Kelly, smiling at him. “So, tell us, Daniel. Jack said you have three doctorates. That’s pretty amazing for a man your age. What fields?” 

“Um, archaeology, linguistics, and the most recent one is anthropology.”  

“You study people, then,” returned Kelly thoughtfully. “Have you done a lot of travelling in your profession?” 

“Oh, yes. All over. To places you could never imagine.”

He glanced down at Jakaira as she slid off his lap and wandered over to the window to look outside. He followed her with his eyes, intentionally not looking at Mrs. O’Neill as she got up to follow her granddaughter. 

Jakaira’s hands began to move as she looked back at him, pointing at the other children outside. 

“They’re skating on the ice,” he explained, repeating the sign as he spoke the new word. “Skating.” 

She turned back to looking out the window. 

Kelly moved to sit a little closer to him, glancing at his knee as he shifted in his seat with an unconscious wince.  “I hope you don’t mind my asking.  What sort of injury was it?” 

“I’ve had my knee replaced,” he explained, giving her a faint smile. “That was a better option than losing my leg. I can't tell you what happened, other than to say it was an injury received in the line of duty.” 

“Must’ve been bad, then. And I know it’s classified, and you can’t tell us about it, so don’t worry about me prying. If it gives you any trouble while you’re here, maybe I can help. I’m a doctor. The M.D. kind.” 

Daniel grinned at her echo of Jack’s earlier introduction. “Yes, I know. Jack told me.”

His smile softened with gratitude. “Thank you for accepting me, Kelly. That means a great deal to both of us.” 

Kelly’s eyes warmed. “You’ve made my brother happy again, Daniel. I saw the love in his eyes when he told us about you, and then when he looked at you. That’s something I never thought I’d see again. Thank you for that, and for finding it in your heart to love him back.” 

He adored this woman instantly. If no one else in the family ever learned to like him, having Kelly’s approval would be enough. “That was the easy part.  Jack’s not like anyone else I’ve ever known. He’s a force of nature.” 

She lowered her voice so the child across the room couldn’t hear her. “He’s a big ol’ sappy pain in the ass, is what he is,” she told him with a conspiratorial giggle. 

Daniel just grinned at her.  “Yeah, but ya gotta love him _. I_ sure do.”

He wondered if Kelly actually knew just how big a sap her big brother really was.

He’d be willing to bet money that Daniel Jackson was the only one who knew the full extent of that part of Jack’s make up.   

Africa put her hand on Jakaira’s arm, petting her through the blanket she still clutched around her shoulders. “Would you like to come sit with your grandmother, dear?”

She moved up onto a chair and held out her hands to the child. 

Jakaira shook her head, chin tucked down, big brown eyes just staring solemnly at Mrs. O’Neill and edged a few steps away. 

Daniel tensed, watching as Jakaira turned and ran toward him, crashing into his legs and scrambling up into his lap.

He grunted as her little body collided with him, but shrugged off the familiar pain and set her back on his thighs so she could see his hands signing as he spoke.

“Your Grandmother just wants to be friends with you. Don’t you want to be friends with her? She loves you, Jakaira.” 

The child fell against his chest, throwing her arms around his neck, snuggling beneath his chin. 

That wasn’t winning him any points with Jack’s mother, who was now frowning at him. 

He tapped Jakaira on the shoulder, his signal for wanting her to pay attention.

She obediently sat up and looked at him.

“That wasn’t very nice, honey,” he explained patiently. “This is Daddy Jack’s mother. You should show her respect.” 

She stared into his eyes for a moment, took a quick peek at her grandmother, and then reluctantly signed, _Ancestors?_  

He nodded. “Yes. Please go apologize for being rude.”

He eased her off his lap, wincing at yet another inadvertent tug on his knee. 

Jakaira toddled over to Africa and dropped her blanket. Her hands began to move. 

“She’s saying, ‘ _Please be friends, mother of my father,_ ’ ” Daniel translated.

His gaze flicked up to Africa’s face and saw her beaming at the well-mannered child.  

She held out her arms, and Jakaira came a little closer, allowing herself to be hugged and kissed, but as soon as she was released, she ran back to Daniel.

This time, she waited to be invited up to his lap.  

“Thank you, Jakaira,” he told her, stroking her hair. “You’re a very good girl. Good manners. I’m proud of you.” 

He glanced up at Jack’s mother and saw her studying him, her head cocked, interest in her eyes. 

“Good manners are fast becoming a lost art in this modern world,” she observed quietly. 

“They’re the basis of civilisation,” he returned, sliding into scholar mode. “When we fail to give each other small courtesies, we lose respect for each other in bigger ways. Then comes war and chaos. History’s full of it, and it always starts with the little things.” 

“How long will you be staying?” Africa asked abruptly. 

“I think we were planning to go home a few days after Christmas, maybe around the 28th.” He hesitated. “If that’s okay?” 

“We’ll manage.” She shook her head in wonder, her green eyes dancing as she regarded the child in his lap. “I never thought Jack would have another child, Daniel. This is a miracle! I can’t get over how much like him she looks, except for that angel’s hair. Is that from her mother? Did you know her, too?” 

“Yes, I did. Laira was a wise and beautiful woman, a leader among her people.” Daniel touched Jakaira’s wild curls. “Her mother’s hair was just like this.” 

Jakaira tugged on Daniel’s coat. 

“Okay, I’ll take it off,” he told her, and started to shrug out of the sleeves. Kelly rose to carry it to the coat stand in the foyer for him, with his thanks. 

At that moment, Jack returned to the house, dropping bags and colourfully wrapped packages in the narrow hallway, then ducking out the door for more. In minutes the SUV was unloaded and he disappeared outdoors again to move the vehicle to the garage.

Daniel set Jakaira on her feet and told her to go fetch some of the presents, then asked Mrs. O’Neill where she’d like them put. 

He went with Jakaira and let her pile several boxes into the crook of his left arm, and when she had as many as she could carry and the women were also loaded, they went into the formal living room to place the packages under the Christmas tree.

Jack stepped into the room just in time to see the look of wonder on his daughter’s face as she regarded the colourful, sparkling tree. 

He came up to her and lifted her in his arms, reaching out to touch one of the branches of the gaily-decorated fir. 

“This is a Christmas tree, Jay,” Jack told her quietly. “Isn’t it beautiful?” 

She nodded, her curly hair bouncing with the motion of her head. She felt the pliable needles of the Douglas fir just as her father showed her.

Jack sniffed his fingers afterward, and so did she, inhaling the fresh scent of evergreen clinging to her skin.   

“Has she never seen a Christmas tree before?” asked Mrs. O’Neill as she came up beside them. 

Jack glanced at her. “No. This is all new to her. Her mother… wasn’t American.” 

“Does she understand English?” asked Kelly. 

“Yes. She’s just... from a different culture. Think... Amish... hippy. I can’t tell you where she’s from, but pretty much everything here is new to her.”

He glanced behind him and called Daniel over. “Get the new angel for Da, willya?” 

Daniel moved a few of the boxes with his cane, looking for the one with the gold paper. When he found it, he bent down, pulled it out of the stack and handed it to the elder O’Neill.

“Here you are, sir. Jack had it specially made for you by an artist we know at the base.” 

Tyler unwrapped the package and lifted the lid off the box with a gasp.

“God in heaven!” he breathed, then turned the open box so the rest of the family could see it. “Africa, look what ourson has done.” 

Quietly, Daniel moved back, away from the group, watching their faces light up, their eyes flicking between the doll in the box and the child in Jack’s arms.

 They looked almost exactly alike.

The angel had been sculpted as a portrait of Jakaira, dressed in a gold tissue gown, white wings at its shoulders. 

“Why, she’s beautiful, Jack!” Africa whispered with an awestruck smile. “It looks just like her. I think we’ll keep it out on the mantel year round, to watch over us.” 

Jack smiled happily, and Daniel felt warmed all the way to his toes, because the portrait doll had been his idea, once he’d heard the Clan O’Neill needed a new angel for the family Christmas tree. 

Carefully, Tyler lifted the doll out of the box and handed it to Jakaira. “Will you put it on top of the tree, little one?” he asked softly. 

Jakaira glanced at Daniel for approval, which he gave, and she stretched way up in her father’s arms to put the ornament on the top of the tree.

The family cheered and applauded.

The sudden noise surprised her, and she turned immediately to hide her face in Jack’s neck. 

Everyone stopped instantly and apologized for scaring her.

After a moment of petting and assurances from Jack, she finally turned back to study her new family, wide-eyed and uncertain. 

Daniel watched Jack adoring her while the rest of the family slowly returned to the den. 

“Let me get our stuff put away, and then we’ll all have a talk,” Jack suggested to everyone as they rounded the corner into the hallway to the den.

He set Jakaira down and watched her trot over to hold onto Daniel’s good leg.  

Jack looked for his mother in the stream of people flowing out into the big room. “Hey, Mum, are we sleepin’ in my old room?”   

“Yes, dear.” She had grabbed one of the bags in the foyer as she passed. “I thought we’d fetch one of the youth beds in the attic for Jakira, and put it in your room.” 

“It’s _Jakaira_ ,” Jack corrected, “and she’ll probably end up sleeping with us, but we can try the cot. We’re trying to wean her away to sleep in her own bed.” 

Africa studied her son, shifting her gaze from him to Daniel, then downward to the child holding onto his leg, and then back up to her son’s face.

“I’d prefer that you and your _friend_ slept in separate beds. We can put him in the guest room.” 

Jack shook his head, looking down his nose at her with obvious disapproval. “He’s not just my _friend_ , Mum. He’s my life partner. And we can always stay at the hotel in The Falls.” 

“Jack,” Daniel called softly, watching the little battle of wills gearing up between mother and son. 

“Stay out of this, Daniel,” Jack warned him quietly, not breaking eye contact with his mother.  

“I’ll sleep in the guest room,” Daniel offered, his insides tensing up. “I don’t mind, _really_.” 

“No, Daniel. _My_ bed. Here, or in The Falls.” Jack was adamant, unwilling to give an inch. 

“You’re not a married couple, Jack,” Africa argued in a whisper. “You shouldn’t behave like one in this house.” 

“Get your coat on, Daniel,” said Jack his challenging gaze still locked with his mother’s equally adamant one. “I’ll only say this once, Mum.  Where Daniel sleeps, I sleep, and vice versa.  If I could marry him, I already would have, but so far the law says I can’t. We belong to each other, with each other, and I _won’t_ let you separate us. Besides, it would confuse Jay, and I won’t add to her stress. She’s shell-shocked enough.” 

That admission stunned Daniel.

Jack wanted to marry him?

He had to work to drag his attention back to the feud and away from that declaration of love, but the sentiment sank into his soul in a warm river of devotion. 

“Stop this, both of you!” Kelly demanded, her voice tense but quiet.

She turned to her mother. “You’ve had his word nothing would happen. You know Jay needs Daniel close. Move on, Mum. It’s done.” 

Africa loosed a pent-up breath and turned away with a roll of her eyes, heading for the stairs, muttering to herself in Gaelic after an impatient, ‘for cryin’ out loud.’ 

Jack turned to his lover. “Daniel, I’m gonna go put our stuff in my room. _Our_ room. Will you be okay with the stairs?” 

“I’ll make it, slow but steady,” Daniel stated confidently, unhappy that things had suddenly turned so tense.

Maybe it would be better if he drove back to the hotel in Thief River Falls when Jakaira was asleep. He’d suggest that to Jack in private.

“Lead the way.” He reached down and tugged Jakaira’s hand off his trouser leg, taking it in his own and following as Jack hefted two of their suitcases and headed for the staircase at the back of the big den. 

Up two flights and down a long hallway, Daniel’s knee was smarting by the time he reached the bedroom.

He sat down heavily on the small, full-sized bed and reached into his pocket for his trusty bottle of Aleve. By the time he’d slipped the container back into his pocket, Jack was handing him a small glass of water from the bathroom. 

“You okay?” he asked quietly. 

“Thinking maybe I should lie down for a little while. You wanna take Jakaira downstairs with you?”

He was tired, his knee was starting to swell, and he didn’t want to be there for any more torment.

Maybe if he just kept a low profile and stayed in their room, things would be all right. 

“Maybe Jay oughtta have a little nap with you, huh?” asked Jack, lifting her up and sitting her on the bed beside him.

He made eye contact with her. “How ‘bout that, baby? Wanna take a nap with Daddy Dan?” 

Jakaira just leaned her head against Daniel’s shoulder. 

She didn’t want to leave him. 

Jack kissed her cheek and smiled at her, then took the water glass and returned it to the adjoining bathroom. “I’ll unpack later, okay?” 

Daniel just nodded, reached down to remove his shoes, set his cane against the nightstand, put his glasses beside it and reclined against the bed.

Jakaira plastered her little body up against him, squeezed between his ribs and his arm, her head resting on his chest. She sighed, clutching her doll tighter, and closed her eyes. 

Jack bent and kissed Daniel on the forehead. 

“Love you,” he whispered. “Don’t worry, babe. We’ll find a way.”

He patted Daniel’s cheek, watching him nod as his eyes slid shut, then turned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

 

* * *

 

“Well, I can see why you’ve taken such a shine to him,” Africa sniffed as Jack returned to the den. “He’s very pretty.  Nice manners.  And smart, too.” 

“Toldja.” 

“He’s not at all the nancy-boy I was expecting.” 

Jack frowned at his mother. “Like I said, Mum, Daniel switched sides for me. He liked women before me. In fact he still looks at ‘em, just like I do, but I own his heart.” 

Tyler O’Neill looked down his nose at his son. “I’m not so sure it’s his _heart_ you were lusting after,” he growled. 

Jack shot him a black look, making the conscious decision to keep his mouth shut.

He turned back to his mother. “I’m gonna go say hello to the kids and tell ‘em about their new cousin and my… friend.” 

“Come to the kitchen first, then,” she ordered. “We’ll warm them up with some hot cocoa.” 

Fifteen minutes later, he and his mother were carrying two trays of cups and thermoses of hot chocolate into the back yard.

As they approached the pond, he studied the rosy-cheeked children, bundled up to their necks, heads mostly covered with ski caps.

He couldn’t see much of their faces, but he had no trouble recognizing each of his nieces and nephews, despite how they’d grown since he’d last saw them. 

Jamie, Connor and Kieran were all nearly grown, about Daniel’s size. Liam was still a gangly kid, all long arms and legs, with a trace of little boy in his freckled face. Sorcha and Riona were blooming into gorgeous young women, and little Finn looked so much like Jack remembered his brother at that age that it gave him a twinge. 

He’d missed these kids. They had grown up so fast, and he regretted keeping his distance from them. Hopefully, that would change soon. 

If the family learned to accept his relationship with Daniel, he’d be spending a lot more time with them all. If not, he might not see them much in the future. That worried Jack, but it wasn’t his choice to make. 

“Uncle Jack!” 

At first only one voice shouted, and then they all echoed the greeting, skates cutting across the ice as they came up to the serving bar sitting beside a wooden bench.

Jack embraced and kissed everyone while his mother poured hot chocolate into the mugs to warm up the kids. Once they all had hugged and pounded his back and taken a sip of their drinks, he gathered them around and told them about his daughter and her hardships before coming into his life, barely mentioning that he’d brought along his best friend as well.

Then he invited them in to meet their cousin and his friend, and while they were taking off their cold weather gear, he went up the stairs to waken Jakaira and Daniel from their naps.

* * *

 

Daniel sat in the farthest corner of the den, well away from everyone else.

He studied the book on child-rearing he’d brought with him, regularly glancing up from the pages at Jakaira, now sitting on the floor with her cousin, Finn, playing a board game.

He interpreted for her whenever she had something she wanted to say, and Daniel knew that those frequent moments helped to impress upon the rest of the family just how necessary he was in her life at the moment. 

Still, the others mostly ignored him and he let them, pretending to be engrossed in his reading. Now and then he stole glances at Jack as he interacted with his family, secretly enjoying how boisterous and playful he was with them. He wrestled with his nephews, teased his nieces about boys and sat close to his sister on the couch, enjoying a lively conversation with her.

Watching Jack with his family was painfully beautiful, and Daniel wished he could share in that. 

Eventually, he got tired of sitting and decided to stretch his legs a little. He ambled around the lower floor of the house, looking at family photos on the walls and sitting in frames on tables.  

He strolled through the kitchen and took note of the herb garden growing in a small window box, as well as the professional quality cookware hanging above the central island, complete with vegetable sink on one end and grill on the other. There was even a small cooking hearth built into an exterior wall, set above the floor about waist high. Beside it were long-handled pots and fireplace tools, shiny skewers and sparkling clean stainless steel racks for use in cooking over the open flame. 

Jack’s mother was most likely an excellent cook.  

He looked forward to tasting some of her recipes, though dinner was likely several hours away.

The aromas of ham and turkey cooking in the double ovens made his mouth water, but he wasn’t going to help himself to any of the already finished portions of the coming meal without an invitation to do so. 

His stomach growled and he was thirsty, but he didn’t want to ask for anything so he searched through the cupboards until he found the glasses and got himself some tap water.  

During his ramble through the big house, he discovered the library and spent some time glancing through the books. Some of the titles were surprising to him, covering a wide range of subjects, from history and mythology to science and technology. There were a lot of military books, both serious historical volumes and popular fiction with military themes, and Daniel supposed those belonged to the Major. He decided this would be a safe room to explore when he ran out of other things to do, and continued his search of the lower floor, wanting to familiarize himself with the layout of the house.  

The library adjoined the tower room, holding a set of spiral stairs to the observation deck up top, now closed off for the winter.

Dozens of stringed instruments of all kinds were in view in the music room: guitars, both acoustic and electric, an electric bass guitar, violins, cellos, violas, and a single huge upright bass. In one corner was a set of drums and in another a full-sized harp.

At the back of the room, just in front of the staircase, sat a shiny black baby grand piano.

He gravitated to it, tracing his fingers along the edge of the raised lid. 

Sheet music sat open on the music stand. He studied it, hearing the tune in his mind as he read the notes. _Bonny Portmore_ was a traditional Irish ballad he’d never seen before, and he was compelled to play it. Taking a seat on the slick black stool, he lightly touched the keys, trying to keep the music soft enough not to disturb anyone else in the house. 

He laid his cane on the stand in front of the music and settled his fingers to the keys once more. After haltingly playing the piece through, he tried it again, smoother this time.  He softly sang the lyrics, never needing to take his eyes off the written notes to glance at the keys.

It was a lovely, haunting song, and just for the mental exercise he began to translate as he played, singing the tune in Irish Gaelic instead of English. 

When he finished, he lowered his eyes to the keyboard and began to play a song he’d been working on writing for Jack.

It didn’t have any lyrics yet, and he thought he might let it remain an instrumental, but the tune showed promise.

He’d only gone through the first few bars when he felt eyes on him and looked up, toward the doorway. 

Africa O’Neill stood there, her lower lip trembling.

When he saw her, she came closer, standing next to the piano, and there were tears standing in her eyes.

“Would you sing it again? Please?” 

He smiled at her, embarrassed that she’d heard him tinkling on the keys at all, but happy that she wanted to hear the ballad again.

“I didn’t play it very well,” he admitted shyly. “This is the first time I’ve seen the music.” 

Her eyes widened a little and the tears were blinked away. “Do you mean to tell me you translated that song into Gaelic while you were playing it?” 

His smile dimmed, tugging at only one corner of his mouth. “Well, yeah. I play little games like that with myself all the time. It helps me keep my language skills sharp.” 

“Please show me.” She pointed at the sheet music with her chin, glancing down at the paper, then back to his eyes. 

She sank down on the bench next to him so that their arms were touching. 

“Okay. I’ll do Scottish Gaelic this time.” He shifted his gaze to the music, played the opening notes and began to sing. He didn’t have to concentrate on the written notes as much this time because he had most of it memorized, and translated the song as he sang. 

“Again,” Africa challenged when he hit the last note. “In French. Do you speak French?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Daniel sang the song in French, then again in Spanish. When he looked at her again, she was smiling and shaking her head in wonder, a sparkle in her eyes. “Now in my mother tongue again, if you please, Daniel. I’ve so missed hearing it.” 

He obliged, playing the tune from memory now, filling the words with the emotions expressed by the song: profound regret and melancholy. When he finished that song, he started another Irish song he knew, _The Wearin’ of the Green_ , also in Gaelic. His fingers depressed the keys with passion and authority, his voice raised with sincerity. 

A warm little body jostled against his left hip, and he glanced down to see Jakaira climbing up next to him, the three of them filling the bench.

Others of the family had followed the trail of airborne notes to the music room.

Without prompting, Tyler O’Neill took down a fiddle and bow, tuned it up and began to play with him. Africa rose and picked up a small flute, taking up a spot beside the piano. Brennan sat at the harp, Kelly snagged a tambourine and Jack stood behind Daniel with an acoustic guitar hanging from a wide strap around his neck.  

Daniel glanced up at him, startled to see his lover with an instrument, and playing it fairly well.

 Jack’s eyes twinkled, hinting that there were more mysteries yet for Daniel to uncover in that familiar territory.

That caused a rush of warmth to Daniel’s heart, making him glance quickly back to the keys with a small smile.    

They played for what seemed like hours, covering every Irish song Daniel knew and some he didn’t, aided by the appropriate sheet music.

When they finished, his hands and forearms were aching, and he was smiling from ear to ear.

Africa was first to leave with the promise of starting dinner, and Kelly left to help her. 

Jakaira climbed up into Daniel’s lap for another piano lesson, and he let her play several of the songs they’d been studying at home while Jack took his mom’s place on the end of the bench, his back to the keyboard to give him room to play the guitar.

One by one, the other musicians put away their instruments and left the room.

While Jakaira practiced, Daniel reached around and slipped his arm about Jack’s waist for a brief embrace. 

“Apparently there’s still quite a lot about you that I don’t know,” he said quietly, turning his head to regard Jack’s serious profile.  

Jack’s head was bent over the instrument still nestled in his lap. “Yup.”

He started playing a tune of his own when Jakaira finished.

She gave Daniel a quick pat on his chest, then slid off his lap and trotted into the other room to find Finn and her other cousins. 

Daniel recognized the familiar song and set his fingers to the keys again, playing with him.

“You gonna sing this to me?” he asked quietly. The song was _Danny Boy_. 

“Nope. Can’t carry a tune in a bucket. I sound like a foghorn.”

Jack scooted over on the bench, crowding Daniel’s right arm as he played, obviously wanting some kind of contact with him.

His head lifted, and he glanced around the room, then turned and whispered, “ _‘And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be, if you’ll not fail to tell me’…”_  

“… _that I love you,_ Jack O’Neill,” he murmured, nodding and finishing the rest of the lyric from that beautiful, haunting song. “Always and forever.” 

They finished the song together, exchanging a smile, and Jack rose to put the guitar back on the stand. “C’mon. Let’s go bug Mum in the kitchen and see if we can get a snack out of her,” he said lightly, smiling Daniel’s way.

“You just impressed the _hell_ out of my family, Danny-boy.”

He waited until Daniel had eased out from behind the piano stool, and leaned down to whisper in his ear as he followed Daniel toward the door. “Wish I could kiss you right now.” 

“Me, too,” Daniel agreed. He slowed down, letting Jack crowd up behind him, and put his left hand back to pat at Jack’s hip, looking over his shoulder with a wink.  

Desire and the afterglow of joy from their musical session sat in a warm coil in his belly, spreading their warmth all through his body. He was actually blushing as he left the music room, Jack hurrying past him and walking briskly toward the kitchen to pounce on his mother.   

Daniel thought he ought to pull himself together a little before facing the family and sidestepped into the library until his face cooled.

He indulged in a little fantasy for when they got home again, having to do with making music together and a romp on the keyboard of his new piano.

Music did good things to him way down deep inside, and knowing that Jack had musical skill seriously turned him on.

He shook his head and smiled to himself, tucking that away for later. 

Returning to the den, he went back to his seat in the far corner and was just about to pick up his book again when Jamie Santos, Kelly’s oldest son, stood up from a gaming table near the fireplace. He glanced about the room’s occupants and spied Daniel.

A predatory smile gleamed in his eyes. 

“Hey, Daniel,” he called. “Do you play chess?” 

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.” He glanced beside the teenager and saw his younger cousin, Connor, putting the pieces back in starting position, his head down and shoulders hunched in obvious defeat as Jamie’s latest victim. “Who’s the family champ?” 

“That would be me,” declared Tyler from his favorite recliner, facing the fireplace.

He was reading a newspaper, his Ben Franklin glasses way down on his nose and head tipped back. “We’ll see how you do with Jamie, and if he doesn’t decimate you, I’ll give you a game if you want. Jamie’s president of his chess club at school, so we’ll see if you can beat him before I take you on.” 

Jack breezed in just then with a cup of coffee in one hand and a saucer with two small pastries in the other. “Oh, Da, you don’t wanna be playin’ Daniel. He takes no prisoners.” 

Ty looked up over his glasses at his son. “Have you ever beaten him?” 

Setting the cup and saucer down on the end table beside Daniel, Jack shook his head. “Nope. Not in eight years, and not even when he was so drunk he didn’t know his own name.” 

Daniel quietly thanked Jack for the refreshments, and both men turned their gaze to Jack’s father. 

With an air of confidence, Ty rolled his gaze back down at the paper before him. “That’s all right, Jack. You play chess like a girl anyway.”  

“Oh, gee, thanks,” Jack returned in mock indignation. 

“Da! That’s uncalled for,” declared Kelly with a trace if irritation in her voice. She picked up one of the small decorative throw pillows from the sofa and tossed it at her father, hitting the paper and knocking it out of one hand. 

Everyone chuckled, eyeing each other with mirth sparkling in their eyes. 

“Maybe I shoulda said, you play like your sister,” Ty amended, his voice filled with warmth and humour. 

Jamie waited until Connor had finished setting up the board, then moved the gaming table over to Daniel’s chair.

The young man dragged up an ottoman and sat across from him and made the first move.

Daniel played honestly, making suggestions when Jamie seemed to be failing, but even so, it didn’t take long for the outcome to be obvious. 

“Good game, Daniel,” he said with a smile, standing up and shaking Daniel’s hand. “I’ll set the board up over by Grandpa so you and he can play.” 

He set the pieces up and moved the game table beside his grandfather’s recliner.

 Xavier Santos got up from the wingback chair on the other side of the table, and Daniel took his place. 

An hour later, Africa called the family to dinner. 

“In a minute, Bonnie,” Ty called, his paper folded away, his concentration on that board as if his life depended on it. “Just let me finish this game.” 

Jack sat on the floor, playing with Jay and Finn. Most of the rest of the family were gathered around those two chairs, watching the game.

Jack glanced up at Daniel, catching his eye, and signed, _‘Check in how many moves?’_     

Daniel pressed his lips together and shook his head. He could clearly see the pattern, only three moves left, and he’d have the game.

Tyler hadn’t given the game his full attention in the beginning, obviously thinking he’d have an easy win, and Daniel had brought his book with him, reading it between turns until the old man had put away his paper and started taking the game seriously. 

Now Tyler was actually starting to sweat a little. His fingers touched one piece, then another. He glanced up at Daniel, who carefully kept his gaze on his book. 

“How many moves?” Ty asked. 

Daniel cleared his throat. He wouldn’t give the game to the old man because that wouldn’t be honest. Neither could he lie to Jack’s father. “Um, check in two, mate in three.” 

“Show me.” 

Pointing out the remaining strategies and their outcomes, Daniel finished the game aloud and waited to see if Ty would accept that or argue with him.

He watched the older man’s eyes drop back down to the board and flick from piece to piece, studying, strategizing, and finally, realizing and accepting the truth.

He tipped over his king in defeat. 

Ty sat back in his chair, staring at the board and thinking. Then he raised his eyes to Daniel’s, and nodded slightly, his expression unreadable. “Best two out of three?” he challenged. “Third game as fast as you can play.” 

“Done.” 

Africa had been standing in the den doorway, arms crossed over her chest, anxious to serve her meal while it was still hot.  Listening to their interchange as patiently as she could, she called to the two men. 

“ _After_ dinner,” she commanded with a note of authority. 

The family retired to the formal dining room, all discussing the impressive game the two men had played.

The main table was long and elegantly set with white china resting on gold charger plates. A huge roasted turkey and a sizeable spiral cut ham covered in pineapple and a brown sugar glaze took up most of the middle of the table, with other vegetable dishes, salads, breads and condiments filling out the spread.  

The family stood around while Ty said the blessing, and then they took their chairs according to longstanding tradition, with Ty at the head of the table, Africa at the foot, and Jack to his dad’s right. A stack of several pillows in the chair next to his marked Jakaira’s place, and Jack nodded Daniel into the one on the other side of hers.  

When everyone was seated, Daniel signed to Jakaira, asking her what she wanted to eat and serving up small portions of everything she chose. He handed the plate to Jack, who added a few extra things, and then began to cut up her portions of meat into bite-sized pieces before moving it in front of her.

She poked at the vegetables with a frown, and Jack gave her a firm look.

“Try them,” he ordered gently. “You’ve gotta learn to eat new things, honey. You won’t know if you like it unless you taste it.” 

“Daddy’s right,” Daniel agreed. “I didn’t know I liked _boudin_ till he had me eat some without knowing what it was.”

Daniel remembered that feast in the living room during Love School, and the list Jack had made of things he liked. The first thing he’d eaten had been a forkful of the Cajun liver-and-rice sausage, which Jack loved but Daniel had always refused to eat because it looked so thoroughly unappetizing, all pasty and grey. It sure didn’t taste like it looked, though, and he was glad Jack had found a way to make him try it.  

The memory of that wonderful day made him smile as he served himself modest portions of nearly everything. He knew Jack must be remembering it, too, but neither of them looked at each other, keeping their attention focused on their plates, enjoying that private moment right in the middle of the family dinner. 

“Think you can beat Da again?” asked Jack conversationally.  

Daniel thought about how he should answer. “Your father plays a smart game,” Daniel declared as he cut up his own thick slice of ham. “It wasn’t easy. We’ll have to wait and see. And you know I’m not so good at speed chess.” 

He didn’t have to look at Tyler O’Neill to know the man had heard him and would be counting on a win now in that third game. 

“Just don’t go easy on him, or he won’t respect you.”   

Daniel had already guessed that, but he didn’t think Ty had a very high opinion of him at all.

 _About anything._  

That was part of the problem.

They were seeing proof that he was smart and talented, but nothing of what kind of man he was, and his character was the only thing that would win him even a _little_ esteem among the O’Neills, who were all smart and talented in their own right. 

Daniel cleaned his plate and went for seconds, stuffing himself like he hadn’t in a very long time. Doctor’s orders had him watching his weight since he couldn’t exercise the way he once had, but that day he threw caution to the wind, especially since he knew he was being watched and judged and didn’t want the ladies to think he didn’t like their cooking.

He groaned in delight and made a big show of bragging on the food.

Africa and Kelly seemed pleased, especially when he offered to do the dishes and put the leftovers away for them.    

Mrs. O’Neill gave him a little smile and assured him that wasn’t necessary, and then started clearing away the entrees and bringing out the desserts. 

“Oh, I’ve died and gone to heaven,” sighed Daniel as he eyed the bounty, licking his lips in anticipation. 

“Again?” whispered Jack over Jakaira’s head, where only they could hear it.  

Daniel just grinned at him and shook his head, already mentally organizing all the weightlifting and swimming he’d have to do to work off what he was about to gain over the holidays. 

* * *

 

It was close to midnight when Jack stepped into the darkened bedroom, making his way along the wall toward the bathroom, using the dim light from the hallway to help find the door. He stepped in and flipped on the light, watching Daniel’s head come up off the pillow and turn to look at him.

Daniel gave him a sleepy smile, squinting in the sudden brightness, and settled back into the pillow. 

He turned over on his side, watching Jack. 

Giving Daniel a little wave, Jack quietly closed the bathroom door to pee and change into the sweats and T-shirt that were already waiting for him on the bathroom counter.  He opened the door again while he brushed his teeth, taking a moment just to gaze at Daniel and the curly blonde head on the pillow in the small bed just beside theirs.

There would be no opportunity for intimacy and no touches or kisses where anyone could see them, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t have a few intimate moments in the privacy of their room. 

When he finished preparing for bed, Jack left the bathroom light on and partially closed the door, leaving just a crack open to pour a little light into the room.

Then he went to the bedroom door, closed and locked it. 

“Open the door, Jack,” Daniel whispered nervously. “Your parents will assume—“ 

“I want to kiss you for a minute,” Jack shot back urgently. “I’m not sure I could do anything more in this house, anyway. There’s just something about the atmosphere here that kills the mood.”  

He sat down by Daniel’s hips as Daniel turned over onto his back. 

Jack leaned over, placing his hands on either side of Daniel’s head.

“I love you, babe,” he murmured against his lover’s lips. “Been watchin’ you all day, thinking about when we get home.”

He rubbed his nose against Daniel’s, kissing the side of his mouth. 

Daniel grinned. “Maybe we ought to drive straight back to that motel for a quickie before we hit the road,” he whispered. 

“You are a wicked, naughty man,” Jack whispered back with a quiet laugh. 

“And you _love_ that about me,” Daniel murmured, his arms going around Jack’s neck.   

“Youbetcha,” Jack said into his mouth, feeling those strong arms wrap around him, bringing him down harder, closer. Heat and hunger surged up inside him, and he deepened the kiss, nibbling on Daniel’s lower lip, battling his insistent tongue, devouring him until he could hardly breathe. 

In dire need of oxygen and a coherent thought or two, Jack sat up hard and fast, his head swimming, his dick tenting out his loose-fitting pants.

 Looking down at himself, he chuckled a little.

“Well, there goes that atmosphere theory.”

He smiled at his lover, watching as Daniel waggled his eyebrows at him with a grin.  

He ran a hand over Daniel’s chest, smoothing down the covers, relishing the feeling of Daniel’s hard body under the soft blankets.  “I’m proud of you, y’know, You did good today.”  

“I hope so. I want them to like me, Jack.”  Daniel reached up to touch his face, and Jack turned his nose and cheek into Daniel’s palm, nuzzling him.   

“They will.”  Jack grew serious, reaching up to hold Daniel’s hand against his face. “How can they help it? Just give ‘em time.” 

Nodding, Daniel murmured, “Doing the best I can, trying not to expect too much. But I can’t help wanting, you know?”

He sighed. “Best go open that door.”  He nodded over Jack’s shoulder. 

Jack got up and pulled the door wide open.

Peering out into the hall, he saw his mother step back into her room with a disapproving glare.

"Night, Mum," he called, giving her a wink and a smile as she hesitated in the bedroom doorway.  

She studied him with a knowing look in her green eyes, as if she’d seen through their door and watched them kissing.

Well, he’d promised not to have _sex_ with Daniel under her roof.  He _hadn't_ promised not to kiss him in private, and she needed to allow them that minor concession. They weren't doing it in front of anyone but their daughter, who saw it every day.  And she was sound asleep anyway. 

Leaving the bedroom door ajar, Jack went by Jay's bed, bent down, and kissed her hair before returning to their bed and climbing under the covers with Daniel. He scooted close, draping his arm over Daniel's waist, just wanting to touch and hold.

Cautiously, Daniel eased away a bit, and Jack got the message, putting more space between them.

Daniel found Jack's hand under the sheet and laced their fingers together, getting what contact he could. 

“It’ll be all right,” Daniel whispered. “When Jakaira doesn’t need me so much, you and she can come home as often as you like. I’ll be fine in the Springs.” 

“That’s not how it works for me,” Jack murmured back. 

Silence ticked away between them for a moment, but Jack couldn’t close his eyes.

He rolled his head on the pillow as Daniel turned to face him. 

“Did you mean what you said—Well, of course you did. Never mind.”

Daniel sighed and squeezed his hand, bringing it up between their faces and placing a kiss on Jack’s knuckles.

“I was touched this afternoon when you said you wanted to marry me.  I never thought about it before you mentioned it, but I think I’d want that, too. It’d be nice, you know? Anyway, I loved hearing you say it, and right in front of everybody. That took a lot of guts. Thanks.”  

Jack leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the lips.  “Yeah, it would be nice, wouldn’t it? Maybe we should get some rings and have a private little ceremony of our own, when we get home.”

He lifted his head and glanced at the shadow that was his daughter, sleeping peacefully in her little bed on Daniel’s other side, then settling back into his pillow.

“We’re a family, babe. I’ve actually given it a lot of thought.  I may be Jay’s father… but you’ve been much more of a daddy to her than me. She has two parents, and you deserve recognition for the place you hold in her life. Besides, I love you, and I’m a marrying man. I don’t run from commitment, and I want us to be forever. Till death do us part, you know?” 

At first, there was no answer. Jack waited.  

“I love you so much, Jack,” Daniel whispered after a few moments. He curled toward the other man, putting his head down on Jack’s shoulder, tucking himself under his lover’s chin, his warm arm snaking around Jack’s waist. 

Jack was happy to put his arms around Daniel and hold him as tight as he could. 

So much for leaving some space between them. 

It was impossible. 

How could they have thought they could sleep apart, even by a few inches? 

“G’night, _vidamo_.”  He kissed Daniel’s temple, brushing his beautiful long mane back from his face with his fingers. Jack loved the feel of it, like silk against his skin, and how it looked framing Daniel’s face. 

“Night, _ionúin_.”   

Jack smiled and closed his eyes, thankful for the blessings that filled his life and brightened his days.

* * *

 

 **24 December**  

“Yes, you are.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Are!” 

“Not!” 

Daniel stood by the little motorized shopping cart near the front doorway of the local K-Mart, his face flushed with stubborn indignation. He watched Jack glare at him, silently demanding that he get on it. 

“I can walk perfectly fine,” Daniel insisted, “and I’m _not_ riding in that _thing_ \--” He poked at the cart with his cane for emphasis. “--because I don’t need to!” 

“Yeah, you do have to ride, Daniel.” Glancing around the busy store to make a point, Jack turned back to him with a firm look. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down his nose at his lover.  “We’re gonna be battling crazed last-minute shoppers and trapped in check-out lines here for hours, maybe half the day, and if you spend that long on your feet, your knee will be the size of a basketball for three days afterward, and I don’t wanna hear about it. So no arguments, okay?”  

They locked eyes for a moment in a silent battle of wills. 

Jack’s gaze softened, a little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

He leaned in close and whispered, “And besides, you can let Jay ride in your lap, and we can load up the basket with shopping bags and coats and stuff. You’re just a convenient excuse for us to have the cart, okay?  Come on, be a sport.” Jack punched playfully at Daniel’s bicep. 

Seeing the sense of it and unable to resist Jack’s fond tease, Daniel rolled his eyes, heaved a theatrical sigh, and capitulated.  

Everyone else got regular shopping carts and piled their coats into those. Jakaira happily climbed up into Daniel's lap, and when he had her secured with one arm around her waist, he turned on the cart and drove off. 

He couldn’t see Jakaira's face, but when she clapped and started to bounce in his lap, he knew she liked this fun new ride.

Daniel followed in Jack's wake while the rest of the family wandered ahead of them, everyone shopping for gifts for the new granddaughter. 

After a few minutes of discussion, the family groups split up, leaving Jack, Daniel and Jakaira to shop on their own.

Daniel had expressed his desire to buy gifts for each of the O’Neills and Santoses, so they prowled around the various departments of the store, discussing choices and guessing at sizes for clothing. Daniel already had ideas for some of the gifts, but when he didn’t find what he wanted, he asked Jack if there might be any other places to shop, but Thief River was a small town and many shops were already closed for the holidays. 

Another idea hit Daniel, but it would involve a trade-off, and he wanted to make sure Jack was all right with it. Daniel had anticipated most gifts for Jack’s family, but not enough, and he was three short.

A couple of the gifts he’d arranged to give to Jack, however, could be re-wrapped with new nametags for Kelly, Brennan and Ty, and no one would be the wiser but the two of them, if they worked it just right. 

Daniel made sure they were isolated from the others and asked Jack's permission to give away a few of his gifts to the family. 

Jack agreed, knowing how important making a good impression on the family was for Daniel.

He apologized to Jack, wishing he'd been able to find something else appropriate, but both of them thought it best and Daniel assured Jack he'd still be able to appreciate his gifts, if only until Christmas was over. 

The family enjoyed a light mid-shopping-day lunch at a Wendy’s down the street and continued with their rounds in some of the smaller specialty stores downtown.  

Before they left town, they went to the family church for the early Christmas Eve Mass.

Daniel sat beside Jack with Jay in his lap, rising with them when they stood, sitting on the edge of the pew when they knelt. He made sure Jay knelt with the others, even though she couldn't see over the top of the pew in front of them when she did.

At the end of the mass, he and Jack walked up the aisle with the rest of the family, receiving blessings from the priest rather than taking communion.  

Daniel noticed that Ty gave them a disapproving glance afterward and wondered if he was upset because they hadn't taken communion, or that they had gone up to the priest at all. 

Ty didn't mention it and Jack didn't bring it up, so Daniel chose to let it lie.

 He had enjoyed the serenity of the place, relished the companionship of his little family and Jack’s larger one. In that small space of time, there had been no worlds needing to be saved, no strife to battle, no worries; just quiet and peace flowing over and through him.

He’d missed that, and it brought back memories from his childhood that made the experience even more precious. 

Daniel kept it all to himself, his eyes roving the beautiful stained glass windows and ornate statues inside the sanctuary.   

He watched Jack and saw the peace in his lover’s face, and wondered if this was something Jack needed in his daily life. He’d bring it up some other time, when they were alone. There was plenty of time for that conversation.  

Full dark had fallen by the time they left the church, and soon they were on their way home again after a leisurely dinner in the Falls and some driving around to view the Christmas lights and decorations. 

During the drive back with Jack and Jakaira, Daniel closed his eyes, trying to catch a little rest during the twenty-minute trip to the family homestead.   

When they arrived, Jack corralled the kids in the den with a stack of games while Daniel went into the library to wrap the presents he'd bought before putting them under the tree.  

When he was done, he joined the others in the den, carrying his camera and a few books from the bedroom upstairs. His knee was aching from the long day of shopping and walking, so he swallowed a couple of Aleve and sat in his customary chair, propping his bad leg up on a hassock.   

Occasionally he snapped pictures of various family members and groupings.  His hope was to get enough together for a small commemorative album to assemble as a gift for Jack when they got home, of their first Christmas with the Clan O’Neill.   

A few minutes later, Africa and Kelly came in with mugs of hot cocoa and snacks. When everyone was thoroughly stuffed, the dishes cleared away and the food properly stored, the family adjourned to the formal living room for the Christmas festivities.  

The adults took seats on the furniture while the children sat in laps or on the floor.

Daniel sat beside Jack on the sofa with Jakaira half in his lap, half in her father's, wriggling back and forth between them in anticipation.

Tyler read the Christmas story from the Bible, then said a prayer of thanks for their good health, good friends and family, and especially for the new little angel in their midst.

He asked for blessings on all of those gathered in the O’Neill family home, mentioning each one by name, including Daniel, concluding with a prayer for peace and understanding.  

When he finished, Africa took charge and went over to the tree, calling the youngest children to help her.  Jakaira and Finn handed out presents to the appropriate people, and when all the bounty had been dispensed, bedlam ensued in a mad dash to open packages. The adults took their time, watching the children open and enjoy their gifts, and when they ran off to play with their new toys, a quieter opening session ensued with the adults. 

Daniel had a lap full of presents the O’Neill family had purchased for him, all items of clothing that Jack had helped them choose, along with a box of chocolates from Africa and a bottle of wine from Ty. He made certain to thank each of the givers and compliment their choices, promising himself to wear the new clothes during the rest of the holiday so they could see him in them.

He opened the box of chocolate bounty and passed it around to share with everyone, earning him a tiny little smile of approval from Mrs. O’Neill.

From Jack he received a collection of music CDs he'd been wanting and several books on his reading list, along with a big, bright yellow Spongebob Squarepants T-shirt from Jakaira, which made him laugh because he knew Jack had picked it out for him. 

Jack was pleased with his few gifts of an opera collection, a framed photograph of their garden at its peak, which he showed around to everyone, and several hardcover books on the current best-seller list. 

But when Daniel saw the special packages he’d re-wrapped for Jack’s family begin appearing, he nudged Jack with his elbow to call attention to them, making sure he knew that some of those would have been his. 

It was a secret they would share. 

Brennan pulled a framed picture out of his silver snowflake paper and just stared at it. Then he held it up to show everyone else with a look of awe.

“It’s beautiful,” he murmured softly. Taking a second look at the gift tag, he glanced at Daniel and thanked him with a smile. 

The picture was a charcoal drawing of Jack reading Jakaira a bedtime story.  

Daniel glanced at Jack, at the warmth and love in his expression, meant just for him. Then Jack turned to Brennan and boasted, "Daniel drew that himself. He's good, isn't he?" 

The whole family passed the picture around, making appropriately awed noises, and agreeing that Daniel seemed to have lots of talents. 

Kelly opened her package and found another framed drawing, this one of Jack brushing Jakaira’s hair while she sat in his lap. 

She, in turn, was brushing her precious doll’s hair.

Kelly got teary eyed and jumped up to come over and hug Daniel’s neck. 

The look in Jack’s eyes told Daniel he’d done the right thing.

He leaned over and whispered in Daniel's ear, "Thank you. I loved my presents, babe."

His warm breath against Daniel's ear sent chills all through him, making him flush with pleasure as Jack drew away, smiling, his eyes twinkling with joy.  

Daniel struggled to look for the next present, and spied Africa tearing into the paper on her gift.

This one Daniel had drawn especially for Jack’s parents. It showed Jack and Jakaira kissing, their faces in profile, lips puckered and just touching. He'd drawn it from one of his favourite photographs of them, which now had a place of honour on his desk at the SGC. 

She beamed, just holding the framed picture in her hands, and staring at it.

She mumbled something in Gaelic and then raised glistening eyes to Daniel. 

 _< “You give good gifts_,”> he translated in his mind. 

In her mother tongue, he replied, _< ” I have learned what really matters.”>_ 

She nodded, the rest of the family’s eyes moving back and forth between them, obviously wondering what they were saying. _< ”You are wise for one so young.”>_ 

His smile faded, thinking back on all he’d suffered in his life. _< ”In many ways, I am older than I look.”>_ 

_< ”I am beginning to see this.”> _

“You two wanna try English?” Jack teased, glancing between them, nudging Daniel with his elbow. 

“Jack, don’t be rude,” Ty admonished quietly. “He’s giving your mother a taste of home. Let them talk.” 

That surprised everyone, including Africa.  

Then all eyes turned to Ty as he sat with an unopened box in his lap.

It was from Daniel, and the last gift to be opened. 

All the drawings Daniel had done had been unwrapped, but he’d needed one more thing, something special and meaningful for Jack’s father. He held his breath as Ty’s fingers tore off the paper of his rectangular box. Daniel saw him open the lid and take out the tissue-wrapped contents, settle it into his lap and begin to part the crumpled tissue. When the last flap was moved away, he lifted up the figurine in his hands and just looked at it for a moment, not making a sound, not moving, just staring at it. 

Daniel couldn’t read his expression, and his heart began to sink. 

The little statue was seven inches tall, of a strong but slender St. Michael battling Satan, pinning the fallen angel's snaky body to the ground with a golden lance. Broad white wings stretched out from Michael’s back. His chest was covered with gilded armour. Fair hair fell in waves to his shoulders, and pale blue eyes stared down dispassionately at the defeated devil writhing beneath his sandaled feet. 

That, also, had been intended for Jack.

Daniel didn’t know why he’d been compelled to buy it for his lover; he had simply done it.

Now, perhaps, he thought he might have made a mistake when he’d decided to give the figurine to Jack’s father.   

Ty continued to gaze at his gift in silence, holding it up and turning it in his hands to see it from all angles.   

Embarrassed and self-conscious, Daniel started to ball up his used wrapping paper, setting the boxes aside to carry upstairs to their room.  

Jack caught his eye and signed _, I love it. Thank you._  

Daniel gave him a brief smile, then turned back to cleaning up around himself. 

Still examining the statue, Ty observed quietly, “Michael is the patron saint of policemen.”

He lifted his eyes slowly up to meet Daniel’s, who had stopped his nervous activity at the sound of the elder O’Neill’s voice. “Did Jack tell you I was an MP in the Air Force?” 

Daniel shook his head. “No, sir. Not until we were on the way here. I didn’t even know your rank until then.” 

Ty stared at him, not even blinking. “Then how did you know to choose this for me?” 

Swallowing hard, Daniel knew he couldn’t lie to the older man and blushed.

“I didn’t. I originally bought it for Jack, because it…” He shrugged, unable to put his feeling into words. “…it just _felt_ right. But then I wanted you to have something special, so I asked Jack if it was all right to give it to you, and he said yes.”

His face felt hot with embarrassment, but he didn’t look away. “I’m sorry I didn’t make a better choice.” 

 “A _better_ choice?”   Tyler turned it all the way around again. “It's the _perfect_ choice for me, Daniel,” he said quietly. “Though I don’t know what Jack would’ve done with it.” 

Kelly and Africa chuckled a little at that.   

Jack puffed up a little in mock insult. “Hey, I liked it. Just told him so.” He glanced at Daniel, his eyes smiling. “Would’ve meant a lot to me, considering how I feel about snakes. Me, Saint Michael and Saint Patrick.” 

Daniel’s eyes widened as he got the unspoken reference to the Goa’uld. He must have seen the same symbolism in the figurine on some level, and bought it to represent their battle against the alien parasites.

For Daniel, the message had been completely hidden from him, but for Jack, it was perfectly clear.

Daniel marvelled at how the human mind worked, and how in tune he and Jack were. 

Ty went on, ignoring Jack’s comment, still studying the statue. “I believe you were led to choose this for me, though you didn’t know it at the time. Do you believe in omens?”  He glanced up at Daniel with measuring eyes. 

Daniel cleared his throat. “Many cultures do. I think there may be subconscious pattern recognition at work, possibly even some form of extrasensory perception emanating from the superconscious, when things like this happen, but—“ 

Ty’s brown eyes rolled over to regard him impatiently, in a way that reminded Daniel of Jack. “Well, do you or don’t you, personally, believe in omens?” 

With a shrug, Daniel answered honestly, “I have no idea, sir. I've never really thought about it before.” 

A tiny smile played at the corners of Ty’s mouth as he directed his gaze back to the statue. “That’s all right, because _I_ do. Enough for the both of us.”

He handed the statue to Africa, who had risen as if on some unspoken summons, to take it away. “Bonnie, would you put this on the mantel in the den, where it’ll be safe from little hands?” 

She gave him a smile and carried it carefully out of the room. 

Ty turned his frank gaze back to Daniel. “It was a _perfect_ choice. Thank you.”

He raised one eyebrow in challenge. “Though you’re still one game ahead of me in chess, which begs another game. Think you can beat me again?” 

Daniel grinned, a wave of relief passing over him, happy to change the subject. “That depends. Speed chess or thoughtful play?” 

Ty’s grin was wolfish. “I beat you once with a fast game after dinner last night. I’m up for a rematch with that.” 

With a dramatic sigh, Daniel stood up, balancing his packages in his left hand. “Well, all right, but I have to tell you, sir, the more I do something, the better I get at it. Keep playing fast games with me, and I’m eventually going to beat you again.” 

“So warned,” Ty returned easily. “And Merry Christmas to us all. Why don’t we see what influence my patron saint will have over my game? Let’s go on to the den, shall we?” 

The Clan O’Neill carried off all their booty and put it away, then settled down to a quiet night enjoying each other’s company and waiting for the arrival of Father Christmas, and the magical appearance of more treasures under the tree.

* * *

 

Most of the children were camped out in the den in sleeping bags. They’d gone to bed very late, which made it difficult for Santa Claus to put the presents under the tree in the living room and stuff the stockings hanging over their heads. Once that was done, however, all the adults padded away to their beds to await the eventual noisy morning when the children found still more gifts waiting for them. 

Daniel had retired early with Jakaira, keeping her company in their room, hoping they’d manage separate beds for the night. He’d fallen asleep waiting for Jack, and by the time his lover crept into their room, leaving the door to the hallway open, Jack noticed Jakaira had moved into the middle of the bed. Daniel was getting so used to it, he wasn’t even waking up anymore when she relocated. 

Jack got ready for bed quietly, then gently lifted Jakaira and put her back under her own covers. 

She sighed and snuggled into her pillow without waking up, and Jack tucked her in with a kiss. 

Daniel stirred and opened his eyes as Jack slipped between the sheets on his side of the big bed they shared, and sighed peacefully.   

“C’mere,” Jack whispered. He pulled Daniel up under his chin and hugged him. 

Daniel sighed and threw one arm over his ribs, stroking his fingers along Jack’s back under the blankets. 

“We're getting there, babe,” Jack whispered in the dark of their room. “Brennan’s finding it really hard not to like you. All the kids already love you; so does Kelly. The others are coming around. It’ll take time, but I’m sure we’ll win ‘em over. You’re _impossible_ not to love.”  

He kissed Daniel’s forehead. “I can’t resist you, and I don’t know how anyone else could either.”

Daniel chuckled. 

“I can’t buy their love or approval, Jack. I’m glad they liked the gifts I chose, but that still can’t dislodge the idea of what I am to you in their minds.” 

He leaned back a little to look into Jack’s face.  He ran his hand up and down his lover’s upper arm, insinuating his fingers under the sleeve of his tee shirt.  “I think it’s best if I just stay out of the way and keep a low profile. They may eventually get used to me, but I don’t want to burden them. I want to make it as easy as possible for them to _not_ think about us while Jakaira needs me here.” 

“Daniel, look, I know you always want to be the diplomat, but that doesn’t always work.” 

“Be realistic,” Daniel cut in gently, stroking his cheek with his thumb.  “Eventually Jakaira will be recovered enough to be able to function just fine without me as her security blanket or interpreter. You’ll have to think about visiting your family _without_ me then.” 

“No. _Never_.” Jack’s voice was heavy and gruff with emotion. He pulled Daniel up under his chin again and held him tight.  “She’d be chattering on about how Daddy Dan does this and Daddy Dan knows that, and you’d still be here even if you’re not here.” 

“It’ll be in _everyone’s_ best interest if I keep out of the way,” Daniel argued gently. “If they don't have to see us together, maybe they’ll forget about all this and then everyone will be happy.” 

“It’s not in my best interest, or in Jay's,” countered Jack softly. “We have to keep _trying_ , Daniel. I don’t want to come here without you. That would be denying who I am, what we are to each other. I love you, and whether my family ever accepts you as one of them, they’ll still have to accept you as my lover. I _won’t_ be ashamed of you. I won’t pretend I don’t love you for their sake. If they can’t accept you by my side, we just won’t make them look at us together. It’s _their_ choice, not ours.” 

Daniel put a little kiss on Jack’s neck, nuzzling into the soft skin there.  “ _No_ , Jack. There is another choice, one you can make for them that will bring them a little peace. I’m okay with it. I don’t want to hurt your family, and I know my presence does that. Maybe next time, I’ll stay in the hotel, and you can come and visit me now and then. I’ll be close, but they won’t have to see me. Or us together.” 

Jack sighed. “We’ll talk about this later, Daniel. I’m tired, and I don’t want to fight about it.” 

“We’re not fighting. We’re talking,” Daniel protested in a quiet, reasonable voice. 

“No, we’re not.”  Jack wasn’t feeling quite so reasonable. “We’re going to sleep.”  

Daniel sighed, giving up for the moment. “All right. We’ll talk about it later. Good night, _ionúin_.” 

Jack nudged Daniel’s chin up for a brief, chaste kiss, then placed another on his forehead and closed his eyes with a sigh.

“Night, babe,” he murmured back. 

They fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

* * *

 

 _Good night, beloved._  

Africa O’Neill had been standing outside the door, listening.

She hadn’t intended to eavesdrop on their intimate conversation, not really. She’d come up the back stairs to go to bed and by the dim glow of nightlights spaced all down the long hallway, she’d spied Jay’s little homemade doll lying on the floor just outside their bedroom door. She’d gone to fetch it, intending to give it back to her in the morning, and then she’d accidentally heard Jack’s arrogant declaration that Daniel was winning the family over.

That had made her bristle.  

She’d continued to listen, knowing she shouldn’t but unable to tear herself away.  She’d expected to hear them plotting and planning how to curry the family’s favor, to find a way to weasel Daniel into their affections with all the cunning of a well planned military campaign. 

Instead, the younger man had argued quietly _against_ forcing himself on them.

That had surprised her.

From listening to his private, earnest pleas with her son, she began to see that Daniel was a peace-loving man of understanding and compassion. She saw that he genuinely cared about Jack’s family and their feelings, that it was her own son who was so insistent on the O’Neill clan’s acceptance of his male lover. 

She turned and walked slowly back down the hallway toward her bedroom, thinking about what she’d heard, staring down at the doll she still carried.    

Jack O’Neill was a stubborn man.

She knew that better than anybody because she’d raised him, and knew he’d inherited a double dose of that from both of his parents. That he wouldn’t give up on making his lover a part of the family was partly because he was so headstrong and determined to have his way, but in the quiet of those whispers, Africa had realized there was much more to it than Jack’s strong will. 

She’d been surreptitiously watching them whenever they were together, looking for a way to disbelieve, to see some unholy animal attraction between them, something sinful and depraved. 

Instead, with her maternal eyes, she’d begun to recognize something that had shaken her to her core, something she hadn’t wanted to know. She’d seen the looks pass between them, the peace in their faces, the way they glowed when they talked about each other.

And she’d also seen how they held back from touching in the presence of others, some part of her mother’s soul sensing the depth of the bond between them. 

No matter how she’d tried _not_ to look, it had been plain as day for anyone with eyes to see. 

Those two men _really_ loved each other.

As Jack had told her in the beginning, what they had was deep and true, for the rest of their lives.

They’d be married by now if they could have been.    

At that moment, standing barefoot in the dark hallway, dressed in nightgown and robe, the full impact of their relationship hit her. 

Her head came up. She made her way downstairs to the library and sat down in her favorite chair, remembering the place where Daniel always sat in the den, well away from the others but in reach of Jay if she should need him.

He’d kept to himself until someone spoke to him, always friendly, always polite, but maintaining his reserve, making no attempt to join in with the rest of the family and force his presence upon them. Sometimes he’d gotten up and disappeared for a little while, but Jack was always aware of where he was. Jack would bring him coffee or water and snacks without Daniel having to ask for anything.

They never argued in the presence of others, speaking volumes with a simple look, in exactly the same way that she and Ty had always done. 

They were _connected_ , as Jack and Sara had never seemed to be.  

They were _soulmates_. 

Africa stared at the moonlit bookshelves, remembering little moments between the men, innocent on the outside to anyone who didn’t know they were lovers, but telling to her because she _did_ know.

Those glances that said so much, the joy in their faces when they looked at each other. 

This was _not_ going to just go away.  

She thought about her observations of Daniel with the child, with all the cousins, and knew he would continue to be a good parent to Jay. That he loved her, and she him, was obvious. He was far more patient with her than Jack was, though not as playful. Between the two of them, Jay would grow up happy and secure, in a home with two devoted parents who loved her and each other without reservation. 

The idea of the two men and that little girl being a “family” had been waging an internal war with everything she’d been taught was right and acceptable.  But still she couldn’t deny that Jack and Daniel had something special between them that most other couples did not.

Her own daughter had married a man she loved deeply, but Kelly had never seemed to feel the blessing of that soul-deep bond with Xavier. By all outward appearances, they were happy enough, but should misfortune befall them and one had to go on without the other, Africa had no doubt that the survivor would find someone else and remarry. 

Jack and Daniel, however, would not.

Africa was now fairly certain of that. After having had the experience of love of that magnitude, she understood how there would be no one coming along later to fill the empty space of the other’s passing. 

She and Ty were that to each other, just as Brennan had been with his Jesse. 

She began to weep as she closed her eyes to the memory of Jack’s poor, sweet Daniel attempting to hide in plain sight while right in the midst of the rest of them. 

She let the tears run free, both thrilled and grieving for her son and his _ionúin_.  

Kelly had been right in her instant acceptance of Daniel.

Regardless of how the rest of them felt about Jack being in a homosexual relationship, it really wasn’t their business.

Jack was in love with a wonderful person, and he was happy. That was all that should matter to his family.

The responsibility for his soul and whatever sins he might or might not be committing was between Jack and his Maker. 

Rather than sit in judgement of him, the O’Neills needed to make sure Jack knew he was still welcome among them. 

Which meant Daniel would have to be, too. 

As hard as she had tried not to like the young man, she’d found it impossible.

Daniel Jackson was so much more than just a pretty face.  Whatever he’d done that had earned him Jack’s love and admiration must have been incredible, considering the things Jack had told them when he’d confessed about his lover. And given that Jack had to shed the training and indoctrination of a lifetime, his military career, and his view of himself as a man, that made it a powerful love, indeed.

Africa could believe that Daniel Jackson was a great man.

For her Jack to have fallen in love with him, he’d bloody well _have_ to be. 

She wiped her tears on the sleeve of her robe and decided it was time to lead the family toward acceptance.

Ty would be hardest, of course, but he would at least listen to her counsel. Brennan just needed a little push, and Kelly was already working on Xavier. By the time the children were old enough to figure it out, they’d already be used to having Uncle Daniel around, and they’d have a bond with him.

Africa knew that children were so much more accepting of things outside what adults often considered the norm, and would undoubtedly follow their parents’ lead. 

It was simply a matter of time, and in the meantime, she had an apology to make to a certain young man. As of tomorrow, the rest of the family would witness her treating Daniel differently. They would follow her lead and include him in more things, and before the holidays were over, Daniel Jackson would be an O’Neill in everything but name.     

Rising from her seat, she cast her eyes heavenward, feeling a great weight lift off her shoulders. 

“Took me a while,” she said softly, “but I think I understand a little better now. Thank you for guiding my feet to the higher path, and for the good ears to hear what you wanted me to learn.”   

She padded softly toward the stairs, smiling as she went up to her room and her husband for the night. 

* * *

 

 **25 December**  

Jakaira sat on the bench enjoying the afternoon sunshine, one foot in Daddy Dan’s lap. He was unlacing the last skate, then set it aside to put on her snow boot. She sipped her hot chocolate and felt it warming her all the way down.

She liked skating and wanted to do more later, but Daddy Jack had been right. She was tired and needed to sit down and rest for a little while. She was also getting a little hungry and made the sign to Daddy Dan for ‘ _eat_.’ 

He smiled down into her pretty little upturned face.  “Okay, honey.” 

“She’s hungry, Jack,” he called over his shoulder.  He put her foot down and sat back to tie the laces of her new skates together. 

Daddy Jack had taken a seat right beside them on the end of the bench to take off his skates, too. He reached over to the serving stand by the bench and picked up a chocolate chip cookie and a mug of cocoa for her.   He leaned around Daddy Dan and handed her the yummy treats. 

She signed, _‘thank you,’_ and he smiled and told her she was very welcome. 

She liked her Daddy Jack. He was tall and funny and liked to play with her.

He didn’t do so well brushing her hair, though. Daddy Dan did it much better. Daddy Dan did a lot of things well, and even though he didn’t understand how to play as well as her Daddy Jack did, he was good at taking care of her.

He understood when she was sad and missed her mommy, and she didn’t have to tell him with her hands.

He just knew.   

Jakaira sat on the bench, swinging her legs while she nibbled on the cookie and sipped her hot chocolate. She enjoyed being with her new family, and watched the other children while they skated on the frozen pond. Her cousins liked to skate a lot and were out on the ice most of the day, but she wasn’t used to the cold like they were. Her village had been warm, filled with green trees and brown earth. Sometimes it would snow, but never like this, where everything was covered in white every day, and you could see your breath in the frosty air. 

Finishing her cookie, she handed her empty cup to her Daddy Dan and jumped off the bench.

Finn had already taken off his skates and was playing in the newly-fallen snow, rolling up some of it into balls.

He threw one of the balls at her, and she decided she didn’t want to play with him if he was going to do that.  

She walked back to Daddy Dan and pulled him to his feet. She wanted to look around, maybe go closer to the horses like she had done with Daddy Jack and Ancestor Ty a few days ago.

She tugged on Daddy Dan’s coat sleeve and pointed at the corral, and he understood.

Daddy Dan was good at understanding. 

Daddy Jack started to come with them, but one of the cousins needed his help untying his skate, so he stayed behind.  “I’ll catch up to you in a minute,” he called after them. 

She and Daddy Dan walked over to the barn, and he picked her up so she could see one of the big horses up close. She was afraid of it because it was so big, but Daddy Dan wasn’t afraid.

He petted it and showed her how to do it, too.

The horse sniffed her and then blew out a big cloud of steam.

She didn’t want to look at the horse any more after that and made Daddy Dan put her down.  

Taking his hand, she walked with him past the pond, toward the noisy river.

Her village had a river running through it, but it was lazy and quiet until right after it had rained a long time. This one was loud, and the water moved really fast.

She was afraid of it, too, and didn’t want to get too close. 

She was starting to get really cold and was thinking about going back into the house.

Over at the pond, most of the other kids were still there, still skating.

Daddy Jack was having a snowball fight with some of the boys, having a good time and laughing.

She liked it when her Daddy Jack laughed. 

Jakaira noticed Finn wasn’t with the other kids. She glanced around and saw him standing by the river on a big lump of snow. Maybe he might like to go inside and play with her, so she tugged on Daddy Dan’s hand and pointed at Finn.

Without having to tell him what she wanted, he turned and started walking with her, down the riverbank toward her cousin. 

She watched the snowy ground, trying to be careful where she stepped.

When she looked up again, Finn was gone, and she wondered where he’d disappeared to so fast. 

“Oh, my God!” Daddy Dan whispered.

He turned his head and shouted, “Jack!” 

Jakaira looked back at her other father, but he hadn’t heard. 

Daddy Dan dropped his cane. He tugged at her hand, making her look up at him. He was scared.

“Run, Jakaira! Go get Daddy, now!  Tell him Finn and I need help!”

And then he let go of her hand, turned around and jumped into the fast-moving water. 

For a moment, she just stared, watching him stumble into the icy river, walking through the foamy waves and then sinking in, up to his waist.

She saw him reach out and grab at something – a red coat – 

Finn! Finn was in the water! 

Jakaira turned and ran as fast as she could toward the pond. Halfway there, she tripped and fell, got up and started running again, knowing instinctively that she had to hurry. She kept her eyes on her daddy on the bench, laughing and playing with the other kids.

He had to come! He could run a lot faster than she could. Daddy Dan and Finn needed her Daddy Jack to save them now, and she couldn’t run there fast enough. 

She opened her mouth and screamed as loud as she could, “Daddy Jack!” 

Moving as fast as she could through the fresh snow, she kept her eyes on him.

At the sound of her voice, his head whipped around, all the laughter instantly gone from his face. 

“Daddy, come quick!” she screamed. “Help!” She pointed behind her at the river. 

Instantly Daddy Jack was on his feet and racing like the wind toward her. 

“Finn fell in the water!” she cried as he drew close. She watched his eyes move from her to the river, and his face went white. “Daddy Dan jumped in to save him.  He needs help!” 

“Go get Grampa!” Jack shouted, not taking his eyes off the water.

He ran right past her, charging down beside the river. 

She didn’t waste any time looking back at him. She turned and ran for the house as fast as her legs would carry her.

Daddy Dan and Finn would be all right, because Daddy Jack was going after them. He’d promised to keep her safe, and she knew he’d do the same for Daddy Dan, and Daddy Dan would do it for Finn. Everyone would be all right, because both her daddies were there, and they knew how to fix everything! 

She ran into the house through the back door, screaming for everyone to come, because Daddy Jack wanted them. 

Her Gramma and Grampa heard her and came running. 

Then she turned without waiting and raced back outside, all the way back to the river. 

Standing well back from the rushing water, she saw Daddy Jack on the riverbank, way down from the house near the road. 

He was hauling Daddy Dan out of the water by his coat. Daddy Dan was holding Finn against him with both arms, hugging him to keep him safe.  They were very wet, and the water on their clothes was freezing into a thin layer of white ice.   

Jakaira was scared, but she stood very still, trying to be a good girl, and waited as the other grown-ups came to help, all standing in a group next to the noisy water. 

 

* * *

 

Daniel’s sodden body was incredibly heavy, dead weight in Jack’s hands. He dragged them both onto the riverbank as far as he could manage, but he’d pulled something in his back trying to get them out of the frigid water and could hardly breathe.

People were coming out of the house now, but Jack couldn’t take his eyes off Daniel and Finn. 

Ice was already starting to form on their coats and clothes.

They were both pale, both had their eyes closed, and neither one was shivering like they ought to be.

Jack knew that was bad. 

“We need to get ‘em inside and strip ‘em down,” Jack rasped to the others gathering around them, falling to his knees beside Daniel.   

Brennan’s face was white as a sheet as he scooped up his son and ran for the house.

Kelly caught up with him, and he slowed down enough for her to take a quick look and send him on ahead.

She knelt by Daniel and lifted his closed eyelids, her expression grim. 

“Jesus, Jack,” she swore softly. “Can you carry him?” 

Jack shook his head. “My back went out on me, getting him out of the water.”

He glanced at his father and brother-in-law. “Can you guys carry him into the house? We gotta work fast, people!” 

Tyler reached under Daniel’s arms and lifted. Xavier got him by the legs and they walked as fast as they could manage with their burden.

Jack followed them inside, listening to Kelly shouting orders. He looked around for Jakaira and saw her through the picture windows, running to the back porch, rounding up the other kids and bringing them to the house.  

She burst through the back door and stopped just inside the den, watching with wide eyes as Finn and Daniel were stripped of their wet clothes and covered in blankets in the middle of the floor.  

Jamie and Kieran came in right after her, and Kelly called sharply to them. “Strip to your underwear and get into two of the sleeping bags near the fireplace. We need you to pre-warm them for us.” 

Connor and Liam were next into the house. 

“We need hot drinks, no coffee or tea,” Kelly ordered. “Warm some milk and put a little sugar in it. Microwave it just a little so it’s warm, not too hot.  Off you go.” 

The teens darted off toward the kitchen. 

Kelly glanced up at her brother. “Can you drive, Jack?” 

He nodded. He could hardly breathe from the spasms in his back, but he could _damn_ sure drive a car. 

Kelly’s eyes held his firmly. “I need this to be a _slow_ , easy trip, Jack,” she explained. “We can’t bump them around. We need to warm them up and get them to a hospital, because the hypothermia’s severe. I can’t do what they need here. I just don’t have the equipment.” 

“I’ll go warm up the SUV.” 

“No,” Brennan said suddenly. “Take my van,” he offered.  “It’s got a full tank of gas, and you can stow the seats in the floor so Kelly can have room to lay them out and ride between them.” He reached into his pants pocket and tossed Jack the keys. 

“I’ll help you get the car ready,” offered Ty, his face pale, eyes glowing with worry.

They headed out to the garage together, moving as fast as possible.

Jack started the van and backed it up to the front door, leaving it to idle and warm up the heater. He and Ty fiddled with the seats, figuring out how to get them folded and tucked down into the floor, then closed the side door to let the interior start to heat up. 

By the time they made it back inside the house, Daniel and Finn were encased inside the sleeping bags. Everyone was on their feet except Kelly and her patients.

Jack reached for Jakaira, who came willingly into his arms. 

He kissed her cheek.

“You did so good, baby!” he told her softly. “You helped us save them. They’re gonna be kinda sick for a few days, but I think they’ll be all right. Do you understand?” 

She nodded, and then her arms went around his neck. “They won’t die?” she asked, shivering with fear and cold. 

For a moment, Jack just stared at her in wonder. “You’re talking! Oh, baby! I’m so glad to hear your sweet little voice at last!”

He kissed her hair and held her tightly.  “No, Jay, I promise they’ll be okay. They’re just real cold and… and tired right now.” 

He glimpsed Kelly’s eyes. She looked grim, and he waited for her pronouncement. 

“Jack, it’s _severe_ hypothermia,” she told him. “We’re doing all we can to stop the temperature drop, but we’ve _got_ to get them to a hospital. The slightest little jolt could be bad for their hearts, so we’ll have to take it slow and easy, both when we move them into the van and then all the way to the hospital.” 

Ty stepped forward and put his hand on his oldest son’s arm. “Jack, I’ll drive. You need to be with your…”

He eyed the unconscious man in the sleeping bag. “You need to be with Daniel. It’s your place, and I know these roads far better than you.” 

Tears filled Jack’s eyes and were blinked away. He nodded in answer, his throat too tight to speak. 

Kelly glanced between her brothers. “I’ll need you two to ride in the sleeping bags with them. You’ll have to be in your underwear and nothing else, but we’ll bring your clothes and you can dress once we get to the hospital.” 

She met each set of eyes aimed at her as she spoke to the rest of the family. “We’ll move them to the van and once they’re settled in there, Bren and Jack will get in with them to continue the rewarming with their body heat.”  

She looked up at her brothers. “Are you ready?” 

Both nodded, quick and sharp, in unison. 

Kelly turned to her husband. “Xavi, will you stay here with the rest of the family?” 

“Sure, honey. Go. We’ll be fine.” He bent down to give his wife a quick kiss. 

Jack squatted down to make eye-level contact with Jay, pushing her gently toward his brother-in-law, his eyes fixed on hers.

“You stay here, sweetie, okay? As soon as I can, I’ll come back for you. We have to take care of Daddy Dan and Finn right now, so be good for Uncle Xavi--” 

Her face blanched. She reached for him. “No, Daddy, don’t leave me!” she cried. 

Instantly, Jack relented. He looked to his mother. “Mum, Jay’s car seat is in my SUV. Can you follow us to the hospital?” 

“Of course, son. Jay, you come with me, and we’ll follow your daddies to the hospital.”

She reached out to her granddaughter, and Jakaira lunged toward her. 

“Okay, people,” said Kelly firmly. “Let’s get this show on the road.” 

Jack carried his daughter out to the garage and got her settled into her car seat. He kissed her and assured her that he’d see her soon, that they were taking her other daddy and Finn to a place that would help them get well, and that he’d see her there.

He kissed her again, and she said, “See you soon, Daddy.” 

He stepped aside and gave his mother the keys, then headed for the van still parked in front of the house.

Once Daniel and Finn were laid out in the back of Brennan’s van, Jack got inside and stripped down to his shorts, then got into the sleeping bag beside Daniel, covering them up again.

When he was settled, Brennan got in and did the same thing, holding his son close.  
Kelly got in between them with her doctor’s bag, and Ty put the van in gear and started off at a crawl, easing slowly off the frozen front lawn, back onto the asphalt driveway and then onto the main road.  

“Is everybody warm enough, Kelly?” asked Ty from the driver’s seat. “Should I turn up the heat?” 

“Turn it down a little, Da,” she told him. “We can’t heat them up too fast. We just want to keep them from getting any colder.” 

Ty obeyed and silence fell inside the vehicle. 

Jack lay snuggled beside Daniel, whose body was still slightly bluish and freezing cold.

He was breathing, though, incredibly slow yet steady, and Jack could feel the sluggish thump of Daniel’s heartbeat beneath his arm.

Since Jack had pulled him out of the water, Daniel had gradually lost consciousness, despite Kelly’s efforts to rouse him.   

She bent over him now. “Get real close to his face,” she suggested quietly. “Exhaling warm, moist air up close will help him breathe.” She leaned over Brennan and Finn and repeated her advice. 

Jack raised his head, propping up on one arm, and leaned over until his lips were almost touching Daniel’s.

Jack could see his brother now, aware of his eyes on them, and didn’t care what he witnessed. 

He placed a kiss at the corner of Daniel’s mouth, on his cheek, on his closed eyelid. He started moving his arm, changing spots as soon as he felt some of the chill begin to lessen. Jack was aware of how cold he was beginning to feel, plastered up against his lover’s chilled body, draining away his own body heat. “Hang in there, babe,” Jack whispered. “Stay with me. Stay with me.” He bowed his head over Daniel’s, stroking his body with all the love and tenderness in his heart, praying that both Daniel and his nephew would be all right.  

Normally it was a twenty-minute trip between his parents’ home and the Falls, but at the slow speed Kelly demanded, the trip took almost an hour. Most of that time she was on her cell phone with the hospital staff, relaying information to the waiting staff, asking Jack about Daniel’s medical history and any medications he might be taking, then getting the same information from Brennan for his son. 

“Hospital’s just down the street,” announced Ty as they approached. 

Kelly checked Finn’s heartbeat, then Daniel’s, and gave an approving nod. “All right, then. They’re waiting for us in triage, so you two ease carefully out of the bags and don’t jostle our boys. Close the bags as quickly as you can to prevent any of your body heat from escaping and get dressed. All right?” She glanced down the road. “ _Easy_ , Da. No bumps.” 

As soon as he was out of the bag, Jack threw on his clothes and stepped out onto the freezing pavement barefoot, socks and boots in hand. He put them on by feel, his eyes riveted to the hospital staff as they gingerly lifted Finn and then Daniel onto gurneys and wheeled them into the ER doors. 

Daniel’s eyes were open when Jack saw him go by on the gurney.

He started to struggle, trying to get up.

“Finn,” he called out. “Where’s Finn?” 

Jack stepped up and put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “He’s all right, Daniel,” Jack assured him. “You got him out of the water.” 

“Gotta see him,” Daniel insisted, his words slurred, movements jerky.  

Jack held him down as the gurney went through the first set of doors into the emergency treatment area. “Stay still, Daniel. Don’t move. Let the doctors treat you.” 

“I’m fine,” said Daniel, trying again to get up. “Gotta see the boy.” 

“Finn’s down the hall,” Jack told him again. “They’re working on him. They’ll let you see him when they’re done with both of you, okay?” 

Daniel’s head lolled to the side, and then suddenly he jerked, arms and legs flailing.

“Jack!” he cried in panic, “we’ve gotta get to the Stargate! Jack! Get Finn back to the base!” 

The nurses pushed Jack aside as they went through another set of double doors.

“I’m sorry, sir, you can’t go through here,” said one of the women. “He’s just delirious, disoriented. Don’t worry.” 

Kelly nodded from the far side of the gurney. “It’s okay, Jack. They’ll take good care of him. Right now, Jay needs you.”

She nodded toward the doors, and Jack knew without looking that his mother had arrived with his daughter. 

And then Daniel was gone, out of his sight. 

He turned and made his way back to the ER lobby, where the rest of the family waited. Jack and Brennan gave the paper pushers the necessary information regarding insurance, addresses and such, and then Jack went to sit down beside his mother.

Jay climbed up into his lap, and he held her close, his heart somewhere down the hall with Daniel. 

“It’ll be a while, son,” Africa told him, patting his arm. “Why don’t you take Jay down to the cafeteria and get her something to eat? If there’s any news, I’ll come and find you.” 

Jack leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Thanks, Mum,” he said quietly. 

She looked at him strangely, as if truly seeing him for the first time. 

He set Jay on her feet, took off her coat and his own, and left them in the chair. Holding her hand, he set off to find the cafeteria and the restrooms.

Half an hour later, he wandered back into the waiting room and sat down, pulling Jay into his lap again.

No word had come, and Jack sat for a while, letting Jay snuggle down against him for a nap. 

He sat for as long as he could manage, but his back was causing him some serious pain now. He told his mother he needed to stand up and walk for a bit, and she carefully scooped up her granddaughter and moved Jay to her lap.

Jack stretched and stood up, pacing back and forth to try to relieve some of the pain, but it was just getting worse. 

Jack reported to triage and asked to see a doctor.

Over an hour later, with a couple of packets of pills in his pocket, he returned to the ER waiting room, where only Brennan, his mother and Jay remained. 

“I sent Kelly home in Brennan’s van,” Africa told him. “She and Xavi can take care of the other children. Our Jay’s been a perfect little angel. Are you feeling better, son?” 

“Got the usual muscle relaxers and pain pills, so as soon as they kick in…”

He glanced toward the double doors, then back at his mother. “Any word yet?” 

“Nothing—“ 

A doctor in a white lab coat came up to them just then, and everyone stood.

Jack glanced at his nametag and couldn’t pronounce it, so he didn’t even try. “How are they, doc? Can we see ‘em?” 

“We should be moving them to rooms in the next hour or so,” Doctor Wielowiejski replied. “They’re responding well to the warming treatments, but we’ll need to observe them for a couple of days for complications. After that, they can go home.” 

“When can I see my son?” asked Brennan. 

“As soon as he’s in a room, Mr. O’Neill. We’ll notify you as soon as Finn is settled in the pediatric ward.” 

“What about Doctor Jackson?” Jack asked. 

“Are you a relative?” asked the doctor. 

Jack straightened, ignoring the stab of pain in his back. “He’s my life partner.” 

A weary sigh slipped out and the doctor gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, sir, but only family can be in the room with him after visiting hours. You can come back tomorrow and see him.” 

“Okay, then I’m a relative,” Jack snapped angrily. “He’s my brother.” 

The doctor shook his head. “I’m sorry. You can see him tomorrow.” 

Jack was fuming. His hands balled up into fists as he thought of all the myriad ways he could do grievous bodily harm to this man for standing between him and the man he loved. 

“Daniel is my son,” declared Africa, lifting her chin proudly. “May I stay with him tonight?” 

The doctor glanced between Africa and Jack. 

Jack gaped at his mother, meeting her firm gaze with one of his own, silently thanking her, then giving his best Colonel glare to the doctor.

“That’s right,” he agreed. “She’s his mother.” 

 _In law_ , he added in his mind. 

The doctor’s uncertain gaze wavered between them for a moment, and then he nodded. “All right, ma’am. As soon as we have him moved into a room, we’ll notify you.” He turned and walked back into the ER ward, through the double doors and out of sight. 

Jack threw his arms around his mother and hugged her tightly, eliciting a squeal of protest from Jay as she was squeezed between them.

“God, Mum, thank you! Thank you for not letting him be alone.” 

He pulled away and gazed into her emerald eyes, sparkling with love and joy.

“He is _family_ , Jack,” she assured him. “He belongs to you and almost gave his life for one of us today. I’d say he’s proven himself worthy of the Clan O’Neill. Wouldn’t you?” 

“Mum?” asked Brennan, wrinkling his brow in confusion.  
She turned to give him a disapproving look. “You, of _all_ people, should be ready to accept him, Brennan. ‘Twas your son he risked his life to save.” 

A slight flush crept into Brennan’s tanned face. He nodded and shifted his gaze to Jack. He held out his hand to his brother. 

Jack took it and pulled him into a hug.

“Sorry, Jack,” said Brennan softly against his neck. “I’ve been a real—“

He glanced at their mother, choosing not to finish his sentence as he stepped back. 

He and Jack grinned at each other. 

“I should’ve had more faith in you. And in your choice of partners.” 

“’S’okay, Bren,” Jack assured him. 

When Jack let go of his shoulder, Brennan sat down again to wait. 

Africa bent down and set Jay on her feet, looking up at her eldest son. “Can you still drive, Jack?” 

He shook his head, already feeling the slightly euphoric effects of the medication he’d been given. 

She turned to Brennan and started giving orders like the drill sergeant she’d been with her kids.

“You drive your brother and Jay back home, then, and I’ll wait here. Maybe by the time you’re back, they’ll have our boys in their rooms. You’ll stay the night with Finn, and I’ll stay with Daniel. Then in the morning, you can go pick up these two, and I’ll stay with Finn while you’re gone.”  

Both men nodded, and Jack bent down to kiss his mother’s cheek again.

“Love you, Mum,” he whispered. “Do you need any cash, like for vending machines and such?”

He pulled out his wallet and pressed a wad of bills into her hand.  

“I’ll be fine, son. Now go put your daughter to bed. She’s tired.” Africa’s smile was beatific as she touched her granddaughter’s cheek. “Aren’t you, dear?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” she said quietly, catching her father’s little finger in her grasp. She leaned her head against his arm and looked up at him. “Daddy Jack, I wanna see Daddy Dan. Is he okay?”  

Jack sat down and pulled her close, hugging her against his body. “He’s still very tired, but he’s gonna be okay.  He’s just sleeping now, honey. I want to see him, too, but for tonight the doctor said only Gramma gets to stay with him.  We’ll come and visit tomorrow, but for now we need to go home and go to bed. We’ll ride back to the hospital in the morning and have breakfast with The Gran and Uncle B, okay?” 

“And the cousins? Will they come, too?” 

A warm coil of joy unwound inside him, spreading its peace throughout his soul.

The sound of Jay’s little-girl voice was music to his ears, confirmation that she had broken down a wall built by grief and horror.

She was healing. 

She was _home_. 

“They’ll come later tomorrow, to see how everyone’s doing,” Jack promised. He beamed as he studied her beautiful face. “I love you, Jay, and I’m so proud of you for being so brave today. You helped save Daddy Dan and Finn. Did you know that?” 

She shook her head, her eyes big and sad, not quite believing him. 

Africa sat down, too, and touched Jay’s chin with her fingers, turning her head to make eye contact. “Daddy Jack is right,” she agreed. “Daniel needed help to get them both out of the water. You called Daddy, and you called the rest of us, and we all worked together. You _helped_ , Jay! They’re going to be okay because you called us so fast, just like Daddy Dan and Daddy Jack told you to do.” 

Jay smiled then, shyly. Big dimples cleaved her cheeks and her brown eyes sparkled.

“We saved them!” she declared happily. “They didn’t die.”

“Yes, we saved them,” said Jack, his soul filling with wonder as he gazed at the first smile he’d ever seen on his daughter’s beautiful face. He didn’t blink, afraid that if Jay saw him crying it might frighten her. 

 _This_ , he thought, was one of the best moments of his life.

Jakaira would be whole one day, the terrible memory of her mother’s death just a distant memory. She would grow up happy and healthy and deeply loved, and he and Daniel would be there, together, to see it all. 

Life didn’t get any better than that.   

“C’mon, honey,” he said with a weary sigh. “Let’s let Uncle B chauffer us back to the house, and we’ll come back to bother Finn and Daddy Dan tomorrow.”

He rose and took her hand, leading the way out to the parking lot with his brother walking purposefully beside them.

* * *

 

The sound of quiet, steady beeping roused Daniel from troubled sleep.

At first he didn’t know where he was and started to get up on his elbows, certain he wasn’t supposed to be there.

Suddenly a warm, strong hand pressed against his chest, and he squinted in the dim light to see who was trying to stop him. 

“Lie still, boyo,” Africa crooned softly. “You’ve nearly killed yourself, and you need to rest.” 

Daniel recognized her instantly and stopped resisting, relaxing against the pillow. “I get nearly killed a lot,” he croaked, then thought about how that must’ve sounded. 

He cleared his throat.   “Um... I’m used to it. I mean, I used to. Uh. When I was on Jack’s team. Dangerous work. You know. Um. How is Finn?” His brows twitched together, wishing he could make his mind work more coherently, but it wasn’t cooperating. 

“Top secret stuff, yes,” Mrs. O’Neill agreed with a knowing grin. “Finn is just fine. He’s upstairs in pediatrics.”

She leaned on the bed rail on her forearms, her wrinkled hands dangling in the air above the bed.

Then she reached out and stroked her palm across his forehead, smoothing his long hair back from his face. “You’ve lost your glasses. Probably washed down the river somewhere.” 

“I always carry extras,” he mumbled, suddenly exhausted. “There’s a spare pair in my suitcase at your house.”

It felt very late, and he looked around for a clock. He squinted at the one on the wall, but couldn’t make out which hand was which. “What time is it?” 

“Near five AM,” she told him. “You’ve been out for a long time.” 

“Where are Jack and Jakaira?” 

“I sent them off to get some sleep at home. They’ll be here for breakfast soon.” She grinned and winked at him, her Irish eyes twinkling. “You’d best get some more beauty sleep so you’ll be pretty for them when they arrive.” 

Daniel felt the slight flush of heat creep into his face and quickly vanish. “Um. I’m not pretty, Mrs. O’Neill.” 

“Oy, and he’s modest, too!” she teased with a chuckle. S

he leaned over the rails and placed a kiss on his forehead. “You’re still a bit chilly. D’ye want some extra blankets, son?” 

That term of endearment made Daniel’s throat close up and brought tears to his eyes for a moment as he shook his head.

 Maybe she didn’t mean it like that. Like she accepted him.

He glanced away. 

“Why didn’t you go home with Jack?” he asked quietly. “There’s no reason for you to stay here. I mean, it’s way past visiting hours, and hospitals don’t usually—“ 

“ _Family_ is always allowed to stay in the room,” Africa informed him, gazing down her nose at him with an expression that instantly negated any thought of argument.  

Daniel had seen that look on Jack’s face uncountable times, and now Daniel knew where he got it.

Africa O’Neill was a force of nature, too. 

“Um.” Daniel held up one finger, trying to make sure his thoughts were organized before he let them spill out his mouth, since his brain seemed to be a bit sluggish still. 

“O’Neills don’t let family stay in cold, scary hospital rooms all alone,” she told him firmly. “You might need to get up in the night, or need a cup of ice chips, and God knows the nurses have more than enough to do without being waitresses, too. So someone always stays at the bedside of the loved one, to care for them. I’m sure you’ve seen Jack right there beside you often enough.” 

Daniel couldn’t help smiling and lowered his hand to his belly. “Unless he was in the next bed in the infirmary, yes, ma’am. He’s always been there.” His smile faded. “But I’m not family. You don’t owe me this.” 

The teasing twinkle in her eyes vanished, and her gaze was steady and serious. “Yes, my son. I do. This and far more than I can ever repay you.” She laid her hand on his. “You’ve given me a grandson I would have lost, had you not been brave enough to go after him, heedless of your own risk.”

She smiled and shook her head. “And you’ve given me the gift of my granddaughter’s voice.” 

Daniel started, his eyes going wide. He tried to sit up, and she pushed him back down again. “Jakaira’s talking?” 

Africa laughed. “Did ye not hear her scream when you went into the river, boyo? By _God_ , the child can shatter glass! The neighbors’ dogs came runnin’.”

Her laughter turned to a chuckle, dimmed to a smile and then tears stood in her eyes. “And what you’ve done for Jack…” 

Swallowing hard, Daniel shook his head. “I just love him. That’s all.” 

She nodded, catching his hand in hers and squeezing it hard. “That’s _everything_ , Danny-boy. That’s what he needs.”

She sighed. “I can’t tell you I understand this at all. And honestly, I’m still not sure I like it.” She raised her free hand and placed it against his cheek, still holding his hand against the blankets. “But I’ve _seen_ the slender thread that binds the two of you together. Not many couples are fortunate enough to have that, and it takes one to know one. Jack loved his Sara, but not like he loves you. Not with his _soul_. I doubt Jack has ever felt this before, or ever will again. Had you been taken from us yesterday, I’m afraid we’d have lost Jack, too. Half of himself would be gone, because that’s what you are to him. I don’t think he’d have recovered from that.” 

Daniel’s vision blurred. “I… I can’t think about that. I want Jack to be happy. I want him to have love, always. Even if something happens to me. We don’t get guarantees in life, and both of us know that’s possible. He’s strong, and he has Jakaira to look after. He’d have been fine without me.” 

“No, son. He wouldn’t.”  Africa let go of his hand and placed her warm palm over his heart. “But you’re going to be fine, and he’ll have love, always,” she agreed. “As he told me, what you two have is for a lifetime.” She patted his cheek. “Now, go back to sleep, Danny boy. You’ll have visitors as soon as they open the ward doors, and you’ll not be getting rid of your Jack until the nurses come to kick him out.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” said Daniel meekly, sliding back down against the pillow. 

She pulled the covers up to his neck and made a great show of tucking him firmly in. “That’s _Mum_ , thank you very much,” she corrected as she resumed her seat in a nearby chair. “Sweet dreams, son.” 

“ _Maith oidhche,_ Mum,” he whispered, and obediently closed his eyes.  

 _< Good night.>_ 

The smile stayed on his lips for a long time after he fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

 **27 December**  

The rest of the family had all gone to their separate homes, except for Jack, Daniel and their daughter. Tyler knew they would be leaving soon, probably the next day if Daniel were up to the drive.

Jack and Jay were outside with Africa and the horses, and this was as good a time as any for the chat Ty wanted to have with the young man. 

Daniel had been released from the hospital late the previous day and aside from a brief trip downstairs for supper, he’d remained upstairs in the bed he shared with Jack. 

Cautiously, Tyler approached their bedroom and stood for a moment in the doorway, studying his son’s lover.

Daniel’s knees were tented beneath the covers, a book open against his thighs, spare glasses in place on his nose.  

He apparently felt the scrutiny and glanced up, offering a friendly smile to the elder O’Neill.

He closed his book and laid it aside. 

“Hello, Mr. O’Neill,” he called, reaching for the covers to throw them back. “Does Jack want me downstairs?” 

“No, no, don’t get up,” Ty told him, waving hands to keep him down. “May I come in?” 

Daniel smiled. “Well, it _is_ your house, sir. Of course you may.” 

“How are you feeling?” asked Ty, taking a seat on Jakaira’s little youth bed, pressed up against the wall in a narrow space near the door. “Better today?” 

“Oh, yes, sir. We might even be going home tomorrow. I think I’ll be up to the drive by then.”

Daniel studied him, his sharp eyes seeming to miss nothing. “Did you want to talk about something?” 

Ty felt his anxiety rising, wondering how and where to start. “I’m not good at that sort of thing,” he admitted freely.  

Daniel smiled. “So that’s where Jack gets it,” he teased with a tiny smile. “It’s all right, sir. Just do the best you can, and I’ll try to understand.” 

Hands curling into fists on his knees, Tyler began to rock slightly, staring at the floor, searching desperately for the words he wanted to say.

“You’re a good man,” he blurted, his face heating up with embarrassment. 

Daniel cocked his head. “Thank you, sir, but you don’t need to compliment me.” 

“I’m an old coot, set in my ways,” Ty tried again. “All my life I’ve believed in certain things, and this… what’s between you and my son…” 

He hung his head, lips pursed in thought.  “Well, it’s been hard to accept.” 

“I know, sir. I’ve tried to stay in the background because of that.” 

“So my wife has pointed out to me,” he returned with a nod. “And I’ve watched you and Jack. Seen how he lights up when he looks at you.”

The anguish he’d first felt when he’d heard the news was slowly losing its grip on his insides.

“As I said, you’re a good man. Good character. I never thought I’d have to face this in my family, but I taught my son well. I respect him, and if he’s chosen you, then it must be because you’re worthy of him.” 

Ty saw the young man’s expression of apprehension fade.

His gaze dropped to his lap. His cheeks flushed with color. “Jack and I understand each other,” he countered modestly. 

“In the same way that my bonnie Africa and I do,” agreed Ty. “That’s a rare gift, Daniel. Take an old man’s word on that. Not many couples have it.”  

Ty swallowed hard, a shiver going through him as he said the word ‘couples.’ He blinked, his mouth going dry. He stood up, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets up to the knuckles.

“We don’t want to lose Jack, and we don’t want to hurt the man who saved our grandson’s life. You’ve got a lovely little family, Daniel, and we want you to know that you’ll always be welcome here.” 

“It’s all right, sir,” Daniel assured him, looking up into his face. “Before long, Jakaira will be just fine without me, and she and Jack can come and visit whenever they like.” 

With a sigh, Ty took his seat again. 

He leaned on his knees, hands loosely clasped between them.

“No. Bonnie and I don’t want that.”  He shook his head.  “We don’t _want_ you to stay away. We’ll have to see you so we can learn to get used to this relationship, Daniel. Just give us some time, all right? This is a big honkin’ leap for us old folks to make.” 

Daniel grinned suddenly. 

“What?” asked Ty, uncertain what he’d said that had gotten that reaction. 

“Big and honkin’,” he repeated. “I see so much of Jack in you and your wife.” 

 “She says you’re to call her Mum,” he corrected.

Ty cleared his throat. “And since you’re fluent in Gaelic, I advise that you do so at all times. You never know when she might be passing by, eavesdropping or picking up on some psychic wavelength.” 

He smiled, filled with sincere admiration for his amazing wife.  “When she’s upset and that stream of her mother tongue comes out of her, she can peel paint off the walls, so if she’s given you an order, you’d best heed it for your own safety.” 

Daniel chuckled. “Jack said she has lightning coming out her eyes when she’s angry. She’s a powerful woman, Mr. O’Neill. Jack has a lot of her spirit in him.” 

He nodded in agreement, but Daniel’s address made Ty remember something Jack had told them in his introduction speech. “He told me your own parents were taken from you as a child. Said last night that you grew up in foster homes, never really knowing what family was.” 

“Yes, sir, that’s true. But Jack has taught me the meaning of family. When we were on the same team, we were all his ‘kids’, and he looked after us. We were family to him. I thought for a long time that Jack didn’t have a real family, because he always spent his down time with us, except for little disappearances here and there. We thought he was going to his grandfather’s cabin for fishing, but I guess sometimes he must’ve come here, too.” 

Ty nodded. “He was distant after… after Charlie’s death. Always had an excuse not to visit. We thought we’d lost him.”

His throat hurt. Tears prickled at his eyes and made them burn, but they were blinked hastily away.

“You’ve given him _back_ to us, Daniel. I know Jay is partly responsible for the way he laughs so easily now, but I think… most it’s because of you. He’s found peace, and I’m not fool enough to waste such a gift or try to destroy it just because it doesn’t fit in with my beliefs.” 

Solemnly, Daniel stared back at him. “Thank you, sir. I can’t say that I’m responsible, but I’m doing my best to make him happy. Whatever it takes, because he’s worth it.” 

Sitting up a little straighter, Ty studied the young man in the bed. Daniel looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, and he was still a shade too pale.

But those blue eyes burned with the certainty of knowledge, sincere belief, and steadfast love. 

Tyler meant to say something more, but the words fled as he looked at the young man. 

The sun had come out while they were talking, bright and summer-golden as it _never_ was in December. The light poured through the round gable window just above where Daniel lay, turning the shining mane of his shoulder-length hair nearly white around the edges of his head. The pillow behind his back was pushed down in the center, the corners sticking up past his shoulders at an angle that made them look almost like small, brightly glowing spread wings.  

 _Angel’s wings._  

For a moment, Ty couldn’t breathe. 

He just stared in wonder at the sight.

Even Daniel’s face was bright with reflected glow bouncing off the bedcovers, as if he were lit up from the inside.

Then the light faded, and with it the illusion. 

Ty swallowed hard and glanced up at the ceiling.

He got the message, all right.

Then another thought occurred to him, and he tilted his head. “Daniel, you wouldn’t, by chance, be Catholic, would you?” 

Daniel pursed his lips and nodded. “My Gramma Ballard died when I was six, but she had an incredibly strong faith, and insisted we go to church with her whenever we visited. It got her through some hard times, with my grandfather away so much. He was kind of like Indiana Jones.”

He sighed. “I was actually baptized Catholic, but when I went into foster care, I went wherever my parents of the moment took me. Or not, as the case most often was.” 

“What’s your Catholic name? It wouldn’t be _Michael_ , by chance, would it?” 

The younger man nodded. “Yes, sir, as a matter of fact, it is. You’d think someone like me would choose the patron of scholars, wouldn’t you?”

Daniel shrugged. “But Thomas Aquinas was too much of a mouthful. Archaeologists got a patroness, and I certainly wasn’t going to let anyone call me Helen.” 

“So, why Michael?” asked Ty, leaning forward in interest.

Images of that figurine Daniel had given him and the vision of Daniel aglow a moment earlier became one in his imagination.   

Daniel raised his knees again and slipped down a little farther against the pillow, obviously tired. He sighed, gazing down at the bed. “The Church where I made my confirmation was St. Michael’s in New York City. There was this statue in the vestibule of Michael battling Satan, much like the little figurine I gave you, and I could never walk by it without touching it. I don’t know how else to describe it, except to say that, for me, there was no other choice. Every time I thought about a religious name, I’d see that image in my mind.” 

“You were led.” 

“Apparently.” Daniel raised his eyes to his host’s, his brows tugged down as he contemplated that idea. “I’ve never understood that choice, because I’m not a warrior by nature. I’ve always been a pacifist at heart, though I do try to fight evil wherever I find it. Jack will tell you that.” 

“Perhaps you’re more of a warrior than you know,” suggested Ty, a spirit of wonder dawning in his heart. “There are different kinds of warriors, Daniel. Not all of them carry guns or swords.” He sighed. “Do you plan to return to the Church?”   

Nodding, Daniel said, “We all will. Jack and I talked about it at the hospital.  I know my Gramma would be thrilled with that. Did I mention she was Irish?” 

Ty chuckled a little. “You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you? What clan?” 

“O’Malley, County Mayo. Descended from Grania O’Malley, the pirate queen, though I’m not sure that’s actually a recommendation in my favor.” Daniel’s face pinked up a little and faded quickly back to pale. 

“To an Irishman, it damn sure is!” Ty shot back enthusiastically.

He stood up and went over to the bed to shake Daniel’s hand. “Clan O’Neill, County Armagh. Is that where you learned your Gaelic? Africa says you have a native’s accent. And she’s loved talking with you in her mother tongue these last few days.” 

Daniel’s eyebrows lifted as he gave a quick nod. “My grandfather was Dutch, so I learned his language early, too. And Arabic, since I was born in Egypt and spent a lot of my first eight years there.” 

“Your whole life seems to have been quite an adventure,” Ty observed, standing by the bed, his hands now shoved deeply into his trouser pockets. “You should write a book about it.” 

“I can’t,” Daniel reminded him with a wink. “The best stuff is all classified.”

He grinned and leaned back against the pillows with a sigh.

“But maybe some day.”

He hesitated. “Would you like to come to Jakaira’s baptism, sir? The whole family’s invited, of course.” 

“We’d be thrilled. Just let us know where and when, and Africa and I will be there.” 

Daniel scrunched down a little more against the pillows, hands clasped in his lap, head tilted down at a thoughtful angle again.

“The hard part will be finding a church that will accept Jack and me as a couple,” he mused quietly. “I’m sure there’s one out there somewhere, and we’ll find it.”

He raised his eyes to the older man’s and they were burning with conviction again.

“I believe God is love, Mr. O’Neill. I could never believe in a God who condemns what makes two hearts whole, and Jack and I have found that with each other.” 

Ty glanced down at his shoes, knowing he should leave and let his guest rest, but compelled to stay for something more.

He raised his gaze back to the young man’s weary face and remembered how he had looked a moment ago, ablaze with light and conviction, and Ty felt something inside him shift.

Peace settled into its rightful place in his heart, and he smiled.

“Maybe this is all happening for a reason, Daniel. Maybe I’ve had blinders on all my life, and I’ve had too narrow a mind.  I don’t know.  But I’m not too old to learn; I do know that.” 

He shook his head in awe. “I’ve seen how Jack looks at you. There’s respect and admiration there that you had to’ve earned, because I know he wouldn’t just give that away. For a man like him, it has to have been hard won.”

He sighed. “And I can’t remember when I’ve ever seen him so _happy_. You’re part of that. You and Jay. And for that, I owe you.” 

“No, you don’t.” 

“All of the O’Neills owe you a great debt. You saved my grandson’s life.” 

“I just did what anyone would’ve done. I didn’t even think about it.” 

“Yes, you did,” gently countered a familiar voice from the doorway. 

Both men turned to watch Jack wander in, his face reddened from the cold outside.

He eased past his father and came into the bedroom, taking a seat beside Daniel on the bed, eyes only for him.

“You thought about it and weighed the risks in an instant, but all that mattered to you was the chance at saving a life. You’ve done that so many times over the last few years we’ve known each other, I’ve lost count.”

He reached out and stroked Daniel’s hair, combing it back with his fingers, while Daniel adored him with his eyes.

Jack’s hand smoothed down to the nape of Daniel’s neck, a gesture of possession, of deep affection and intimacy. 

Tyler understood what Jack was doing.

The audience of other family members were gone.  There was just the three of them in that room, and Jack was laying claim to the man he loved in his father’s sight.

Where a few days ago, that gesture would have filled Ty with disgust well laced with fear for his son, as he looked at them now he saw the two of them with changed eyes.

Their devotion to each other was obvious, and Daniel’s expression left no doubt about how he hungered for Jack’s touch, and for his love.  

Yet Daniel slowly reached back to take Jack’s hand away from his neck as he lifted his eyes to meet Ty’s frank gaze. 

He saw something akin to apology in that intense blue gaze. 

“It’s all right,” Ty heard himself say, slightly amazed to find that it was true. “I’m still not totally used to the idea of you two as a couple, but it’s an adjustment I’ll make in time.” 

He saw Jack turn to look at him, amazement, gratitude and love in his eyes. 

That was so wonderful to see in his son’s face again, after so many years. 

Ty chuckled. “You might say I’ve had a… _revelation_ of sorts this afternoon. Thank you for our chat, Daniel.  I’m gonna leave you two alone now.  We’ll keep Jakaira downstairs with us.”  

He turned to stroll away, glancing back just as Jack moved toward Daniel to kiss him. 

He gently shut the door to give the lovers some privacy. 

Perhaps, eventually, he might be able to handle even the fact of their intimacy, but for now, it was enough that Tyler knew they were both committed to each other, and to raising Jack’s daughter in the Church. 

As he walked down the stairs and past the music room, he heard Africa playing the piano. 

As he listened, he heard the strains of _Bonny Portmore_ , and his wife singing the song in her native tongue.

Africa hadn’t touched the piano since Charlie died, and to hear her play and sing again made his heart soar. 

That was something else that Daniel had done for the O’Neills. 

He had brought Africa back to her roots, given her the sound of a language she hadn’t heard in far too long, and brought her home again. 

Ty stood in the doorway, enjoying the way the light from the diamond-paned windows at the back of the curved room made his wife’s hair sparkle with copper and gold fire.

He loved her as he had never loved anyone, and for the last two days she’d been discussing the acceptance of their visitor into the family ranks.

He had even heard her call Daniel ‘son’, and now that he’d gotten his omen, he felt ready to admit that perhaps she was right.  

It might take him a while, but he thought one day, he might be able to call Daniel son, too.

 

* * *

 

**28 December**

**The Next Morning**  

“Mr. O’Neill, might I have a word with you in private?” Daniel asked as Jack started carrying their suitcases out to the SUV.

They stood in the den in a patch of late morning sunlight, watching Africa lead her granddaughter into the kitchen to put together some snacks for the road. 

“Of course.” Ty led the way into the music room and closed the door. “What did you have in mind to tell me, Daniel?” 

From the inside pocket of his coat, Daniel retrieved a small, very old book with a green leather cover.

He held it loosely in his hands, unable to take his eyes off it until he reached out and offered it to the older man. 

With a shock of instant recognition, Ty’s heart squeezed up in his chest.

“Where’d you get this?” he whispered, reaching out to take the book and open it, leafing through the yellowed, brittle pages. 

“Jack gave it to me for my birthday last year,” said Daniel softly, his voice tight with emotion. “But I know its significance in your family, and I didn’t think it was… appropriate for me to keep it.” 

The top of Ty’s head seemed to have suddenly vanished, leaving him dizzy and weak in the knees.

He sat down on the nearest chair and read the handwritten inscription inside the antique book.

“Ja… Jack gave this… to you?” he asked, unable to quite believe what his ears had heard. 

“Yes, sir. The language of flowers was how Jack told me he lov--  well, it was our secret code, sir, but I have it memorized now. I don’t need the book as a reference now, and I thought… you might want to keep it in the family.  It was your mom’s, right?” 

Ty glanced up in time to see Daniel’s tears being blinked away.

It was obvious that he was trying to be brave and noble about this, but it was hurting him tremendously to make the offer.

With one more stunned look at the inscription written in his mother’s old-fashioned, elegant handwriting, Tyler sighed heavily and cast his eyes heavenward. 

“All _right_ , already!” he said with a trace of irritation. “I get the message.” 

“Excuse me?” asked Daniel, his brows pinching with confusion. 

Ty stood up and put his arm around the younger man, giving him a firm slap on the back.

“Daniel, I suppose if Jack had to fall for another man, it’s a good thing it was you. Apparently, you’ve been hand-picked for the job, and I can’t argue a word against it. Welcome to the family, son. I’d be honoured if you’d call me Da, like the rest of the brood.” 

“But—“ 

He pulled away and thrust the book firmly back into Daniel’s hand.

“You take _damn_ good care of that!” he ordered firmly, shaking a finger at him. “It’s a family heirloom.” 

“But, sir—“ 

“It’s _yours_ ,” Ty insisted, waving a hand at him in an effort to cut off any further protests. “The Gran gave it to the _one_ person in our family who truly understood it, and he’s passed it on to you. Now you’ll have to choose who gets it next.” 

“That’s pretty much a given, sir.  I mean-- Uh.  Da,” said Daniel, carefully tucking the book back into his coat pocket. “Jakaira will inherit everything of ours.”

He smiled fondly. “She loves helping Jack with the potted plants we have in the house. I can just imagine how much she’ll enjoy digging in the dirt with him come spring.” 

“Then you’ll have to invite us up to watch,” suggested Ty with a twinkle in his eyes. 

“No invitation necessary, sir,” Daniel assured him. “Our home is always open to family, any time of the day or night. Surprise us... Da.” 

Daniel grinned at Jack’s father. 

“We’ll do that,” Ty assured him with a hearty slap on the back.

He opened the door and led the way through the den and toward the foyer.

He glanced at the fireplace and saw the statue of St. Michael on the mantel, glowing in the reflected light from the windows, and smiled.

Daniel’s gaze lingered on it as well for a moment. “May I?” he asked.

“God forbid I should tell you no,” Ty shot back.

The young man went over to the statue, touched it for a moment, kissed his fingertips and then headed for the front door. 

It seemed that Jack had brought more than one angel home for Christmas, and the O’Neills were blessed to have them both. 

“Call us when you get home,” he advised, walking Daniel out to the SUV. 

Jack came over and hugged his dad, kissed his mother and went around to climb into the driver’s seat. Daniel reached out to shake Ty’s hand and then Africa’s, kissing her on the cheek and getting a big hug in return.

Jakaira climbed up into her car seat in the back and waited to be buckled in, then turned and waved to her grandparents.

Daniel took his time getting into the front passenger seat, careful of the frozen ground, and buckled in. 

“Fair day and be well,” Jakaira called to them.   

Jack and Daniel turned to look at her at the same moment, and then back at each other.

Neither of them remarked on the child’s unusual farewell, but both of them turned to look at Ty and his wife and repeated their daughter’s strange good-bye to them with big grins.   
Ty and Africa kissed Jay goodbye, shut the door and stood arm in arm as the SUV motored quietly away down the snowy road. 

“Angels,” said Ty wonderingly. 

“You saw them, too, _ionúin_?” Africa asked him, her voice a mere whisper. 

He nodded. “I can’t say I understand it all, but I know a nudge of approval when I see one. There must be something special about that boy for Jack to have taken him into his heart as he has.” 

“I think there is, Ty.” Africa turned and looked up into his face as he towered above her. “It’s quite a comfort to know our son has so many angels watching over him, isn’t it?” 

He embraced her, smiling down into her emerald eyes. “He always has had, bonnie Africa,” he returned huskily. “And guess what?  Didja know Daniel’s _Irish?_ His mother’s mother. Just enough to get him into heaven.” 

They turned and strolled into the house together, discussing the finer points of the newest additions to the Clan O’Neill, and how fortunate they were to have such quality among them.

 

* * *

 

 **30 December**   

“God, how I’ve missed you!” Daniel whispered as he opened his arms to his lover.  

Jack settled half on top of him with the slow gentleness of falling snow, only Daniel didn’t want gentle or slow. He pulled Jack down to him and devoured his mouth, pushing against him until he had Jack turned over onto his back. 

“Hey, slow down,” Jack gasped as soon as Daniel’s mouth moved to his throat. “Take it easy.” 

“Don’t wanna,” Daniel growled, nipping the side of Jack’s neck. “God, it’s been too long.” 

His hands were busy, touching and squeezing, groping Jack all over, relearning the landscape of his body. He rubbed himself against Jack, his need to be close blazing fiercely inside him. 

Jack’s hands cradled Daniel’s head as he moved down to that broad chest covered in silver curls. 

“Daniel, you almost _died_ ,” Jack whispered. “ _Again_.”

He moaned, arching upward against Daniel’s lips as he suckled Jack’s right nipple. “Gotta… Gotta go easy, babe. Easy--ohhhh…” 

He grunted as Daniel’s hand gripped his stiff cock. He pushed himself into Daniel’s hand, thrusting hard.

Daniel felt himself filling with adoration. “I want you inside me, Jack.” 

“You should _rest_ ,” Jack argued, his voice a soft, husky rumble, his face filled with concern.  

Daniel smiled and chuckled softly, a low growl in his chest heavy with desire.

“I want you, _ionúin_ ,” he repeated. 

Jack bent down and kissed Daniel’s shoulder, then moved close and cuddled him.

“For now, let’s do it like this,” Jack suggested. “Gentle and easy, where we can kiss and look at each other. It’s been a long time, and I wanna see you, babe. I wanna watch you come for me.”   

Daniel could feel the heat of Jack’s body pressed firmly against him, every familiar bulge and hollow, every bone and hair.

He closed his eyes and moaned as Jack’s hands smoothed over his body, catching his cock and sliding down the shaft to his balls. 

“So good,” he whispered. “Oh, yes,” he murmured, thrusting against Jack’s belly, begging for more.

Jack kissed him, the roughness of his stubbled chin scraping Daniel’s face. He wrapped himself around Daniel, whimpering into his mouth as they thrust against each other.

Only a few moments later, he felt Jack shudder and pull away, looking into his eyes as the hot spurt of his orgasm filled the space between their bodies, quickly driving Daniel over the edge, while Jack watched. 

They lay quietly for a moment, just catching their breath. 

“Wow,” Jack panted. “That was fast!  It feels like forever since we did that. Felt good.” 

“Yeah,” Daniel agreed. “And by the way, I don’t think we’re gonna have to worry about sharing our bed anymore.” 

Rising up to look down at Daniel, Jack asked, “Why’s that?” 

Daniel grinned. “Haven’t you noticed Jakaira hasn’t gotten into our bed since I came back from the hospital?” 

“No. She didn’t?” 

“Maybe you didn’t notice because you were so worried about me,” Daniel suggested. “You were kinda wrapped around me those last few nights at your parents’ house, but she stayed in her bed _all night_.” 

“So you think she won’t be coming to our room anymore?” asked Jack uncertainly, and with a slight trace of sadness in his voice. 

“She doesn’t need to now,” Daniel explained, hugging the arm Jack wrapped around his chest. “When she first came to us, it was a fear response. She needed the physical reassurance that we weren’t going anywhere, that she was safe. Now that she’s been through another potentially bad experience, and we’re both still here, so her faith has been restored. She doesn’t need to be in our bed to believe that we’re not going to leave her, like her mother did.” 

Jack reached for some tissues from the box on the bedside table beside him, then settled into his pillow. He handed a few tissues to Daniel, and started to clean himself up. 

“You know, it scared me to death when I thought I was gonna lose you again.” 

“We don’t have any guarantees, Jack,” Daniel reminded him as he wiped at his own chest and belly. “We have whatever time we have, and nothing we do can change that.” 

He threw the damp tissues toward the wastebasket when he was finished with them, not caring if he missed. 

Jack smiled a little, his face radiant with love. “Still scared me. But, yeah. I know.”

He sighed, his smile fading away, his fingers stealing up to trace the line of Daniel’s jaw from ear to chin. “Some day, one of us will die and the other will have to carry on. If it’s you who goes first, I know you’ll still be around, watching over me. Not so sure, if it’s the other way around.” 

“I am,” said Daniel confidently. “And who knows? Maybe we’ll go together, like my parents did. I just hope it’s a long time off. I don’t want our daughter to have to go through what I did.” 

“She won’t,” Jack stated. “If anything happens to us, my family would take her in a heartbeat. She’d be loved and secure and happy with them.” 

“Then I won’t worry about any of us,” declared Daniel, turning in his lover’s embrace to look up into his eyes in the dim lamplight. “We have everything, at this moment in time. The whole garden, roots and all.” 

Jack smiled. “Yeah, we do,” he agreed, and leaned down to kiss his lover senseless, feeling the fire of their love and devotion building between them again.  

FIN


End file.
